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The evening air is unsettled, still smoldering from the battle that ended only hours ago. The winning forces had managed to settle camp partially away from any trampled grounds, with many weary souls finally caving into the inevitable exhaustion that followed.
Dedue wagered that he was one of the most drained out anyone considering the frenzied trek he had made to arrive at Myrddin in time, but the relief of simply being there was enough to satisfy his energy. He was also kept up by his search for Dimitri— no different from the past five years. They had shared a brief word together when the fight ended, until Dimitri’s attention was dragged away by other matters considering the Empire, but Dedue had to speak with him once again before the night ended; if it did nothing to bring Dimitri any additional comfort, it would at least ease Dedue’s anxiety.
After inquiring the professor (who once again reiterated their relief at Dedue’s return) of Dimitri’s whereabouts, they mentioned that he had gone off on his own for a moment to himself. A familiar insistence that wanted to admonish Dimitri returned to Dedue without a second thought, but he pushed it away. He knew it would be of no help to dwell on such a thing at times like these.
The part of him that worried over Dimitri’s safety relaxed as he saw Dimitri standing visible from the outskirts of camp, his cape an azure smear against the fading tangerine skyline. Overhearing Dedue’s approach, Dimitri turns around with a harsh squint settled on his brow that softens as he realizes who it is.
He quietly watches Dedue stand next to him, a remnant bewilderment in his gaze. Dedue expects Dimitri to break the silence first, but Dimitri continues staring at him distantly. He looks as if he desperately wants to speak, but can’t even begin to find the words to bridge the gap left between them.
Dedue decides to take the plunge first. “Your Highness…”
Dimitri recoils into himself and looks away, as if Dedue’s voice physically affects him. Dedue feels a sharp stab in his gut to see Dimitri react in such a way, but he keeps his distance. It pains him to imagine what kind of hell Dimitri had gone through while they were separated, but he knows it’d be wisest to give Dimitri space if he needs it.
“I’m sorry,” Dimitri murmurs. “It’s just that… I’m not quite used to you being here yet.” His eye gradually drifts back to meet Dedue’s face before he breaks contact once again. Dimitri struggles to continue, but in Dedue’s presence, he acquiesces. “The last time I heard your voice… it wasn’t real.”
Dedue takes a half-step forward. “Your Highness, I’m…”
Dedue’s voice falters as Dimitri’s hands fall onto his shoulders. Dimitiri looks up at him now, eye glistening on the verge of tears. “Please call me by my name, Dedue. There’s no one here to hear us.”
The confrontation flusters Dedue, but he can’t give in. It wouldn’t be good for either of them. “I understand, but even so—”
“I’ve been having visions, Dedue,” Dimitri says, knowing that the previous subject is a losing battle. “All the people I’ve lost: my father, Glenn, even you at times— they haunt me.” His clutch on Dedue tightens, his head hanging dangerously close to Dedue’s chest. “I’ve gone mad. I deserve to, for the things I’ve done! The kingdom deserves better than a wretch like me! You deserve better!”
Dedue’s heart could shatter then and there. No longer afraid, he pulls Dimitri against him, securing Dimitri in a grounding embrace. Here lay the mighty King of Fearghus, something damaged and fragile in Dedue’s arms. Dimitri retained the same desperation that Dedue saw when he broke the accused prince out of Fhirdiad, and the same numbness that weighed down the young prince who had just lost his family back at the Tragedy. These were the very visions that had haunted Dedue late at night in Duscur, where he could only watch Dimitri writhe in agony no matter how fiercely he reached for him.
But Dedue also remembered when he himself was in similar positions: a terrified boy who had just lost his home and everything else he had ever known, spared by the hand of a stranger no older than him; how that same stranger would defend Dedue through thick and thin, seeing past the lies that had been fed to him as a young prince, striving to rise above them.
Dedue had been there for some of Dimitri’s lowest moments, and the reverse was true as well. He had feared that too much would have changed between the time they spent apart, but he was beginning to realize that things might not be much different.
He gently lifts up Dimitri’s face with both hands. “You know that’s not true,” Dedue says. “Your mind may be unkind to you because of the burdens you carry, but it is because you feel so strongly and care so deeply for others. You are a good man who is capable of compassion. I have witnessed it myself. That is why I choose to be by your side. I cannot stand idle as you belittle yourself.”
Dimitri simply blinks at him for a moment, making Dedue afraid that he has said too much, until Dimitri relaxes into Dedue’s hands a bit. “You speak such kind words, but you could be at home with your people. No longer trapped by those that despise you so,” Dimitri responds, a more depressed expression returning.
“Not while you still have so much to accomplish. It wouldn’t feel right to not be here helping you,” Dedue says, emboldened to declare his sincerity. “Don’t you know your presence comforts me, as well?”
The last affirmation thoroughly stuns Dimitri. Dedue feels trace heat running to Dimitri’s cheeks under his hands, so he rests them on Dimitri’s shoulders. With a heavy sigh, Dimitri returns Dedue’s hug, resting his chin on Dedue’s shoulder, their cheeks pressed against each other.
“Thank you,” Dimitri says.
They silently hold each other, the evening breeze brushing against them now and then. With the way they stand, Dedue remembers of a moment they had shared on the night of the Academy’s ball:
During that night, Dedue had taken a moment for himself outside, and Dimitri had arrived shortly afterwards with a similar desire to rest. The prince had bashfully admitted that he had been wanting to dance with Dedue at some point, and Dedue saw no reason to decline him while they were out alone. What started as a silly recital evolved into each of them sinking further into each other’s embrace, slowly swaying to the music that echoed from a distance. Dimitri had nestled against Dedue in the same way he did presently, by sweetly resting his head on Dedue’s neck. At that point, they hadn’t been this close to each other since before they arrived at the Academy, when they were frightened young boys fending off inevitable nightmares. On that night, however, Dedue’s heart felt differently. Being able to hold Dimitri so tenderly brought Dedue a joy he was afraid to put words to. With his face against Dimitri’s temple, Dedue had almost dared to whisper to him these fledging feelings that had been fluttering around within him, until they were interrupted by the sound of distant partygoers stepping out into the courtyard. The two flew out of each other’s arms in an instant, and the moment was never spoken of again.
“Dedue, look at the ground around us,” Dimitri says, his voice pulling Dedue back into the present. He opens his eyes to draw his gaze downwards, spotting the small wildflowers scattered around the grass at their feet. Despite the violence that had transgressed so near them, they remained untrampled and untouched. Some might consider them weeds, but Dedue admired them. He always found it comforting that such delicate blossoms could be so resilient against an uncaring world.
Dimitri pulls back slightly to turn and examine them himself, but still leaning on Dedue. “Flowers always made me think of you,” he observes, admiration seeping into his voice. “Regardless of what kind or where I found them. They were always reminding of how tirelessly you would work in the greenhouse. Though I thought you were gone, the memory comforted me.” Dedue could tell that Dimitri struggled when mentioning his time alone, but even so he looks to Dedue with a soft smile. “I suppose it comforts me still.”
Dedue’s arm hugs Dimitri’s waist, the two standing side by side as the setting sun dips below the distant horizon. Like times before, the act of simply being there beside each other was enough for both of them, and neither of them felt the need to speak. They were both incredibly weary, but relieved to be in each other’s company. For now, Dedue reaffirmed, this would be enough.
As nighttime settles in, Dimitri fidgets ever closer towards Dedue, eventually turning face-to-face as he cautiously slides his hands up Dedue’s arms. Though the movement is underlined with hesitance, he meets Dedue’s eyes evenly. “I apologize for asking, but… might I try something a bit unorthodox?”
“Of course,” Dedue says, his heart thrumming a touch fiercer against his chest. “Anything.”
Dimitri is wide-eyed as he holds Dedue’s gaze. His hands move slowly to rest on Dedue’s jawline, brushing Dedue’s cheekbones with his thumbs. Dimitri inches forward, stopping for a moment before finally closing the gap between them. His eye shuts as he places a kiss upon Dedue’s lips, short and chaste, but striking through Dedue like a fierce lightning bolt nevertheless. Dedue’s breath stops in his throat as he’s caught in the moment.
When Dedue opens his eyes, he notices that Dimitri hasn’t fully distanced himself quite yet, lingering in their shared space. “That’s something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time now,” Dimitri quietly confesses. With that, Dimitri turns on his heel, his shoulders rising as he pulls his cape tighter around him. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Too flustered to form a response, Dedue makes an unidentifiable noise in acknowledgement. He curses himself for not saying anything, for not imploring Dimitri to linger a moment longer.
Dedue stands by himself under a darkening sky, stunned and conflicted. He would have to calm his nerves before he returned to camp alone.
~~~
It is early morning before the Kingdom marches on Enbarr, and yet nature’s dew clings to the monastery’s grounds as if it were another typical day. Dedue and the others have been tirelessly at work with all the preparation required— tactically, physically, and emotionally. The last demand was always the hardest and most stubborn one. Dedue liked to think that Dimitri had gotten to a better mental state since they had first reunited, but as his vassal, it was Dedue’s instinct to worry for him.
Among the hundreds of other things that prevented Dedue from staying asleep, he knew it was ultimately his concern for Dimitri that truly plagued his thoughts. To lose Dimitri now after all they had done would be nothing short of devastating; for Fearghus’ sake and for Dedue’s own, selfish reasons.
Despite the years they had spent together, Dedue still feels that there are things left unsaid.
With daylight having yet to break and nothing productive for Dedue to tend to, he goes to the greenhouse in an attempt to ease his mind. He was happy to find that the flowers he was tending to were still healthy and blooming. Morbid as the thought was, he was at ease knowing that if he had to fall in battle for Dimitri’s sake, these plants would at least be something beautiful for him to leave behind. Perhaps it would preserve Dedue’s memory, as did any common bloom had for Dimitri, as he had mentioned on the day he…
The drawn-out creak of the greenhouse’s doors signalled Dedue to a visitor, and he was pleasantly surprised to see none other than Dimitri himself. His blonde hair seemed hastily pulled back, and he had thrown a light cloak over his sleep-clothes.
“Restless as well?” Dedue asked, making sure to phrase the question as an invitation above anything else.
Dimitri smiles and shakes his head. “You know me too well.” He comes forward to meet Dedue, taking notice of the flower Dedue is currently examining. “Granted, as I was wandering around the monastery, I noticed you coming in here and figured I’d follow. If you don’t mind,” Dimitiri says, intentionally averting his eyes to the opposite wall.
“Not at all, Dimitri. You know I’d never mind.”
Dimtri freezes when he hears his own name. Dedue had been making an effort to use it more ever since the particular confrontation they had about it fairly recently. Dedue had fallen into the practice to make himself more comfortable with saying it, but there was always the bonus of getting to fluster Dimitri a little bit.
Dimitri clears his throat. “Good, that’s good. Though I truly do cherish these moments we spend together, especially considering…” He had no need to finish the thought, for they both knew what Dimitri meant, and it would ruin the moment to put it into words. The implication drew them both into silence.
“... I do, too,” Dedue replies.
The easy quiet settles around them as they bask in the greenhouse’s scenery, somehow at peace despite what is to come. Dedue’s mind drifts again to the memory of that evening in Myrddin, the softness of Dimitri’s lips upon him…
Thus far, neither of them had ever dared to bring up the implications of that seemingly small gesture Dimitri had made on the first day they were back together. Was it fated to fall to the wayside like the dance they had, long forgotten and ignored? An unsuppressable voice within Dedue desperately wishes for it not to, but the only way to guarantee it is if he speaks up:
“Dimitri, may I ask you something?”
The man in question gives him a curious look. “Yes, always.”
Dedue mulls over what it is he needs to say, pursing his lips. He doubts if he’ll be able to unearth his thoughts, but the “always” reminds him of how he can confide in Dimitri with such certainty. If Dedue didn’t speak now, he would surely regret it.
“On the day I came back,” Dedue starts, “when you kissed me…. What did you mean by it?”
Dimitri’s face sunk. “Oh, that,” he says, wavering as he begins to panic. “I really shouldn’t have done that. If I made you uncomfortable, I can’t even begin to apologize—”
“No, it’s fine.” Dedue hates to interrupt Dimitri, but also knows full well that he can’t let him go on such a tangent. “In actuality, I enjoyed it far more than I’d readily admit.”
A mix of confusion and surprise washes over Dimitri as he blushes furiously. “Dedue?”
“I just want to know what it is you meant by it,” Dedue says, attempting to suppress the quickening of his own pulse. “ I don’t want to interpret you incorrectly, for if it was just a polite gesture…”
Dedue’s heart leaps as Dimitri takes his hands. Dimitri concentrates on watching their fingers intertwine, making an effort to keep his eye from Dedue’s face. “I… I suppose it was my way of managing the feelings I had buried,” Dimitri said, his voice hushed and sacred. “It was self-indulgent of me, but I was just so happy you were with me….” His head finally tilts up, his expression pleading. “But if there was a chance that you wanted it, too, I would have…”
Dimitri’s confession dissolves into a shaky breath as Dedue leans forward and rests their foreheads against each other. “I want this, Dimitri,” Dedue says. “As truly as your heart wishes for it.” He lets go of Dimitri’s hands to cradle his face, stroking back loose strands of Dimitri’s hair. “Do you remember when we danced during the ball?”
A gentle sob escapes Dimitri. “I could never forget it. Have you really loved me for that long, Dedue?”
“Longer than that… but at that moment, I was my happiest. I have always been my happiest at your side.”
Dimitri is nothing short of mystified, throwing his arms around Dedue’s neck with an airy chuckle. “Goddess above,” he murmurs. “What are we going to do with ourselves?’
Dedue smiles. “I wouldn’t mind if we were able to kiss again.”
The teasing encouragement is all Dimitri needs; he practically leaps into the contact, a more intentional kiss that lasts longer. As they part, they remain hovering in each other’s air, and their eyes flutter shut as they collide once again. Dedue’s entire being is warm and aglow, filled with a sweet relief that blissfully overwhelms him. They remain glued to each other in a way that only two who have loved each other for so long could. Together, they are complete.
The second kiss ends, and Dimitri rests his head on Dedue’s shoulder with a content sigh. “I swear to you, Dedue,” he says, hugging Dedue’s waist as Dedue gently holds Dimitri’s back, “if we both make it out of this war, I’ll figure something out for us. I promise.”
Dedue lets his head drop to nestle his nose in Dimitri’s hair, holding him firmly. “I don’t need any of that,” Dedue says. “As long as I have you…”
“I know, but I want to,” Dimitri insists, gripping Dedue tighter. “I don’t care what rules I have to overturn or what others think, none of that matters. If you are by my side, I refuse to have you hidden.”
At that declaration, some tightness unfurls from within Dedue’s chest. Dimitri spoke it into truth so simply, and yet Dedue is nearly moved to tears. Overcome with emotion, Dedue lifts Dimitri’s head to kiss his cheek, enamored by the giggle he feels tremor under his lips. “Fine,” Dedue says, “but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. We have to live through this, first.”
Dimitri lets out an over-dramatic huff. “Fair enough,” he says with a crooked smile. “We can at least indulge in this moment, can’t we?”
Dedue nods, letting his eyes shut as he curls closer into Dimitri.
Stray sunlight beams in from walls of stained glass as the creeping morning approaches, painting the sweet air in warm hues. The sun rises on another day in Fódlan, and while Dedue had reason to fear it, he is grateful that it could provide him such comfort at the same time.