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“Way to go Hawkass! You broke the internet!”
Clint looked up from his coffee, barely managing to focus on Tony. The mission had been an overnight followed by a long debriefing. The five hours of sleep he had managed were not enough for this. He’d dragged himself into the communal kitchen specifically for coffee, not for Stark’s way too loud, too energetic personality.
“What the fuck are you talking about Stark?” He glowered at the man over his cup. Tony was grinning from ear to ear, almost manic in his glee. Steve, Natasha and Bruce sat at the counter, just watching.
“Oh nothing. Just your latest Instagram story.”
“My what?” Clint was confused. Instagram story? He hadn’t posted anything….had he? Oh, wait. He remembered doing something with his phone before he passed out.
“The video reel? It was nothing, just some photos I loaded up before I crashed. Darcy’s been bugging me to put up something for weeks.” He shrugged as he returned to his coffee.
“Just some photos?” Tony started laughing, shaking his head as he fiddled with his Starkpad. “You are trending man! And can I just tell you, I am impressed by your body of work!”
“I’m confused. It was just pics of Lucky and target practice, nothing that bad.” Stark handed him the device with his Instagram pulled up.
He flicked through the images. Lucky with a ball, Lucky with an arrow, Lucky with pizza, a dick, Lucky at the park, a triple bullseye,… wait… WHAT! He scrolled back.
There it was. A dick. Definitely a dick pic, definitely in his story post.
“HOLY FUCK!”
“Seriously man, if I’d known you were packing that, I’d have tried to get you to move in sooner.” Tony waggled his eyebrows at him, oblivious to Clint’s distress.
“It’s not mine.” Clint gritted out as he looked at the growing number of likes and comments on his story. He was a dead man.
“What? Don’t be shy, of course it’s yours. Like I said, nothing to be ashamed of.” Tony grabbed the screen back, passing it over to the rest of the team.
“It’s not his.” Natasha said, handing Bruce the tablet as she went back to her tea. Everyone except Clint gaped at her.
“How would you know what his dick looks like?” Steve asked, clearly missing the obvious answer.
“I have a tattoo.” Clint mumbled, running his hands down his face as he tried to figure out a way to salvage this. “An arrow pointing…. you know… at the target.” His morning could not get any worse.
Bruce cleared his throat. “Well, if it’s not yours, then whose is it?”
At that moment, the elevator doors opened and Coulson walked into the common area. He did not look happy.
Clint smiled and waved, “Hey babe. How’s your morning?” Inside his head was a chanting mantra of please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me. The team all looked at Phil with wide eyes, except for Natasha. She smirked as she continued to sip her tea.
“Asides from dealing with people wanting to know why Hawkeye posted a picture of a penis on-line, same as always.” Phil walked over to the coffee machine and poured himself a cup. “I released a statement that Stark hacked Instagram and placed the stock photo in the feed.” He leveled a look at Tony, making the man swallow audibly.
“Definitely sounds like something I’d do. Speaking of doing, I’m gonna head back down to the lab, maybe explode something.” Tony left the room, followed closely by Bruce and Steve. Natasha remained in her seat, nibbling on her toast.
“I can explain. It was an accident. I was tired and didn’t screen the phots before loading them up.” Clint gripped his coffee mug, knuckles turning white with anxiety.
“I know it was an accident, but I am going to be going through your camera roll before you post anything else.” Phil leaned over and gently kissed Clint’s cheek. “Anything you want to add Natasha?” Clint looked at her as Phil spoke.
“Nope. Just glad Clint has such a large target to aim for.”