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Lan Sizhui has always been a ‘good kid’. That kind of descriptor carries a certain level of expectation when it’s bestowed on a son of a wealthy family, and a further level of eyebrow wiggling when it's placed on a Lan. To be a good kid, amongst the Lan’s army of good kids - the young master must be an exceptional young thing!- the aunties whisper among themselves, not quite out of earshot of the obediently silent Sizhui next to the uncaringly silent Lan Wangji - he must be exceptional marriage material once he’s a little older!
He doesn’t really take his ‘good kid’ reputation to heart - he is just a careful person who probably overthinks too much. He’s learned his manners from Lan Qiren, his compassion from Lan Xichen and his rights from his wrongs from Lan Wangji. If that makes him a ‘good kid’, so be it.
That is not going to stop him from going to his first student get-together three weeks into his first year of university.
Absentmindedly, he reflects that perhaps, he really is a ‘good kid’, and all the baggage that comes with that- since he could not even in his mind bring himself to properly say he’s going to a sweaty, overcrowded student hosted party full of horny barely legal classmates and their questionable friends.
He, Lan Sizhui, is going to get drunk.
But he’s still a Lan, so he makes careful preparations. Even on the path to self discovery and youthful rebellion, safety is most paramount. He will never forgive himself if he puts his father through the stress of receiving a two AM call from the hospital about his son puking and suffering from alcohol poisoning. So he arrives at the party with a mostly full stomach and a few packets of crackers in his back pocket in case he needs to sober up. He has Zizheng’s number on speed dial in case of an emergency, and he made sure he is with a group with a dedicated driver that will escort him home.
Uncle Xichen had pulled him aside before he set off to live on campus and warned him about responsible alcohol consumption. Or rather, uncle Xichen had smiled his usual smile through the most mortifying twenty minutes Sizhui had ever had to go through as he warned him about responsible alcohol consumption, drug use and sexual encounters, ending with his personal recommendations on condoms (that Sizhui had to admit was surprisingly helpful) and a further warning to ‘call your father or uncle if you need anything. OK? We want you to be safe above all else.’
Sizhui had also been an unfortunate witness to that one time Uncle Xichen and father accidentally drank vodka infused coffee - so he knows Lan’s don’t drink is more than just an uptight upper crust thing. It’s a Lan biology thing.
That is why he waits until the party is fairly close to winding down when he takes his first shot - he is so certain he would get drunk immediately.
He doesn’t. Get drunk, that is.
Sizhui cautiously takes another shot - this time something spicy and hot after waiting a good five minutes and dancing a little with a sweet girl that is already plastered.
After that apparently does nothing for him except produce a very brief flare of heat around his lungs, he plays beer pong - a game that, in his opinion, is extremely unhygienic, which results in him drinking another three large cups of beer. One of them has soju in it, because whoever set up his cups ran out of beer half way through. Then, to the cheers of everyone watching, he finishes the three cups left still full when he decimated his opponent.
And then he takes three more shots of vodka mixed with something that A-Qing says he’s better off not knowing, and eats the jello shot she gave him as well.
And then he nurses a bottle of soju as the party winds down.
He’s slightly swaying when he gets back to his apartment. Maybe this is what being drunk is like - slightly warm, aware that his motor skills are a bit compromised, and filled with some kind of restless energy. Anyways, he probably had the normal amount of alcohol for a lightweight, he comforts himself - sure he isn’t acting ‘drunk’ like the rest of the party goers, but that’s probably because he’s a naturally calm person, and he knows that people did ‘pre-drinking’ and he started drinking quite late into the night anyways.
He exorcists the rest of his restless energy by booting up his laptop and mercilessly murdering opponents on an online tetris game until he feels tired enough to sleep.
After placing an aspirin and a cup of water on his bedside table and a trash can next to his bed, Sizhui crawls beneath his covers, satisfied.
Sizhui doesn’t think of his one experiment into alcoholism until his second year, when Jingyi joins him in university. He started volunteering to be the designated sober man for his friends' parties because he didn’t find that first experience particularly enjoyable. In fact it was rather boring, and even the next morning he had barely any reaction even though countless articles he read assured him he would have needed both the aspirin and the water.
But, Jingyi decided that he, too, wants to ‘experience university culture’ and ‘do things that would make Great Uncle Qiren cry’ - so Sizhui puts on his Responsible Cousin pants and accompanies Jingyi to a bar.
Jingyi passes out on top of him after half a bottle of Qingdao while Sizhui is already on his forth shot of the night.
Lan Sizhui carefully wipes away the drool that is covering his cousin’s phone wedged between the bar top and Jingyi’s cheek, face blank but mind absolutely whirring.
Oh gods. He’s adopted, isn’t he.
Sizhui didn’t get his top student title just by being Hanguang Jun’s son - he did it because he’s a meticulous worrier and a firm believer of the scientific method. So he does what he’s always done - carefully tests his hypothesis until he gathers enough irrefutable evidence.
His test involves showing up at A-Qing and Zizhen’s apartment with a two litre bottle of eighty percent proof and a case of cider and stoically informing them that the three of them are going to finish everything he’s holding that night.
“I thought you said you’re a lightweight,” A-Qing says, something like an hour and a half later, punching him lightly in the arm. She’s glassy eyed because she’s tipsy, while Zizhen is already slurring and giggling at the TV, drunk out of his mind.
“I thought I was.” Sizhui says miserably. A-Qing nods at him wisely as if she can see the answer to all his problems and gives him a brownie.
“Is there weed in this?” Sizhui asks suspiciously. He came here to test a theory, and getting high for the first time could very well skew the test results.
“No. I’m not suicidal enough to be the one responsible for giving one of Jade's sons a bad trip.’ A-Qing tells him brightly. “Eat up! My dad baked it.”
“Bless Xiao daozhang’s baking.” Sizhui says, entirely seriously after taking a bite, and washes it down with eighty proof whiskey.
By the time Sizhui arrives home for Qingming holidays, he’s entirely sure.
But, he is still Sizhui, so he politely schedules his confrontation via Uncle Xichen’s calendar app.
He chose Uncle Xichen because he is somehow ever worse at lying than his dad. It’s strategic, he nods to himself, even though a voice very much like Jin Ling’s is cackling at the back of his mind that Sizhui also makes a poor liar, and is honestly very bad at confrontations.
“Sizhui, is something wrong? You do not have to schedule a meeting with me, you know? Wangji and I will always have time for you.” Uncle Xichen says, as they settle themselves down at his traditional style tea table.
Wordlessly, Sizhui brings out the bottle of Bai-jiu he bought at the train station, and then, before his wide eyed uncle can say anything, he cracks it open and tips the entirety of it down his throat, barely breathing until he finishes the bottle in one go.
Forty percent alcohol is quite strong, Sizhui has found out as part of his extensive research, and most people would be at least tipsy after that.
Sizhui, however, simply gets up, and performs a series of actions that he calmly explains to his speechlessly gaping uncle is a standard sobriety test.
And then, he sits down and asks a now distinctly terrified looking man in front of him:
“Uncle Xichen, am I adopted?”
“W-what?”
“Every Lan in the history of Lan’s have had an extremely low alcohol tolerance. You are getting flushed just from the smell of the baijiu! I have just proved that I have an unusually high tolerance - so I must ask, am I adopted?”
“This really should be a conversation between you and your father instead … ” Uncle Xichen says with a brave attempt at a smile.
“Father informed me that he has taken responsibility for me from a previous relationship with a woman with the surname Wei, I have always assumed that I was born out of wedlock, but now I believe that is not the case.” Sizhui bows his head slightly - “I am simply asking uncle for the truth, since father clearly does not wish to share it to me.”
Uncle Xichen is frowning now, “Wangji told you that? That is indeed very irresponsible of him, to warp the truth like so- Sizhui, your father indeed took you from a previous relationship, but Wei Wuxian was a man - “
-and he clearly cannot be blood related to both partners of that relationship, Sizhui mentally fills in the blanks, but his mind is whirling back to all the questions he had ever asked his father about his missing other parent as a child -
Dad has always said ‘his previous relationship’ or ‘ex-partner’, and on one occasion, a wistful ‘ai-ren’ when Sizhui asked. Talking about this Wei person clearly pains his father so Sizhui never really asked follow up questions and -
And Sizhui had made assumptions, just like the aunties that gather like fruit flies around the Lan’s every black tie event.
Distantly he realizes Uncle Xichen is still talking, “Sizhui, this must have been a great shock for you, I must speak with Wangji about this, he has done wrong to have twisted the truth in such a manner.”
“Uh!” Sizhui cuts in immediately, facing heating, “I think, uh… I might have made some wrong assumptions? About what my dad told me, that is. Uh...”
Uncle Xichen gives him an even more bewildered look, but smiles kindly at him anyways when it's clear there's nothing more forthcoming from Sizhui's mortification. “Sizhui, you were given to our family by fate, just like you would be if you were the biological offspring of one of us. You are my nephew, and you are Wangji’s son. If you ever doubt that, come talk with us, alright?”
“You have never made me feel like I’m not part of the family.” Sizhui blurts out, face flaming. But it’s worth it for Uncle Xichen to absolutely beam at the truth he sees on Sizhui’s face.
Because the little Jin Ling voice in his brain is right. All Lan’s are utterly terrible liars, and Lan Sizhui is a Lan where it mattered.