Archive of Our Own

1

“Miss Northwest, please come in.”

Pacifica walks inside the office of Philip Townsend, Dean of Astrophysics. The man is standing behind his large mahogany desk, and with him is the Dean of Mathematics, Sonia Fairway.

“Please take a seat.” He instructs her and Pacifica does so. The office is not that big but is lavishly decorated; just the chair she is sitting on must be as heavy as her, and all that heft is pure fine, very expensive wood.

“Good morning Miss Northwest, you must be wondering why we have called you now, weeks after the spring semester ended.”

“I hope to honor my request, professor.”

“You are right, there are not many students who ask us to give them more work to do, especially during vacations, but since you are so eager to learn we have selected some papers for you to read that we are sure you will certainly find very interesting and helpful, especially this one from a Mason Pines, have you read it?”

Pacifica’s heart skips a beat; the last thing she expected when coming into this office was to hear Dipper’s name being mentioned: she has not heard or seen Dipper since he left Gravity Falls seven years ago.

“She couldn’t have read it, Philip, it was never published and it is not what one could call a traditional research paper ”

“You are right Sonia, but… you are from Gravity Falls, aren’t you Miss Northwest?”

“Yes Sir, I am.”

“In the eighties, a man named Stanford Pines came asking to use our university's library and labs, claiming to have made some sort of absurd discovery. His requests were denied, but some very smart people had the chance to briefly examine some of his so-called discoveries and they claim that the man was not completely crazy, at least his math was not crazy, radical? sure, but even if he seemed to take some creative liberties with his calculations they were sound, and now we receive a paper from another Pines that looks like a continuation of the older Pines’ work. Stanford Pines claimed to be living in Gravity Falls when he came looking for us. I know you can’t possibly know all the people living in your town, but have you ever heard his name before, or could there be someone you know who knows about him?”

“No need to ask for someone else, I knew both Stanford and Dip… I mean Mason, although briefly. They were both good people, I would have liked to know them better.”

“You know them? That is great! Do you think you could help us get in touch with them?”

“I haven’t seen them in seven years, but her sister and I are friends; well, friends might be an exaggeration, she keeps sending me friend requests in all possible social media, I can ask her.”

“That would be good.”

“I would like to ask something, you mentioned that D… Mason Pine’s work is unpublished, how do you have it then?”

“A friend of ours in Berkeley shared it with us, he says this Mason boy was a prodigy but liked to spread his resources too thin, attending classes not only in hard sciences like Math or Physics but also in all kinds of unrelated subjects like Ancient Folklore, Latin or Religion. According to my friend he always looked as if he had only slept a couple of hours last night and was always writing in a journal he never let anyone see, the only person who claims to have seen it was a Miss…”

“Shh, no names.” Sonia interrupts him.

“Well, his former girlfriend, and she doesn’t want to talk about it, she claims there was nothing understandable or sane there, but she wasn’t the science prodigy he, or you, are, there is a chance that whatever she read there was too complex for her to understand.”

“Oh, I bet it was.” Pacifica answers, smiling while thinking of Dipper’s Journal and an old story regarding a Category Ten Ghost. Memories!

“So, if you find him will you let us know?”

“Yes, but why the interest in him?”

“You have to read his paper, it is brilliant, we might want to offer him a scholarship, maybe you and him can even partner up.”

Pacifica sighs while her memory drifts back seven years and relives the brief moments of trust and kindness that probably changed her life forever, would she be here, with these two super smart people if those moments had never happened? Most likely she would be already engaged to the son of one of her parent’s rich friends or even one of his father’s old rich friends, another link in a gilded chain of infamy and shame.

“Are you OK Miss Northwest?” Sonia asks.

“Yes, yes I am, so tell me, does this girlfriend of him would know where Mason Pines is?”

“Ah, the girl, she is a Folklorist, a self described experimental Folklorist, experimental in that she believes that to understand a cultural ritual you have to live it just as the original culture lived it, so she is experienced with some substances that might alter human perception. She claims that she and Mr. Pines were attacked by some sort of wolf-tree.”

“Bear tree.” Sonia corrects him.

“Right, a bear tree, that is how she described it, a bear tree with a taste for human flesh. Emergency services found her and Mr. Pines in the forest, covered in tree sap and broken twigs and thorns, bruised, cut and burning with fever. Mr. Pines was carrying an axe and was arrested, local Police believed he had attacked Miss Reynolds…”

“No names Philip.”

“Sorry, I got carried away: Police believed he had attacked her but the injuries on the girl were not the kind of injuries made by an axe, and further testimony from the girl informed them that the boy used that axe to protect her from the bear thing, never to attack her, so the boy was set free. After that she and Mr. Pines stopped seeing each other, she claims that “bad things” are always lurking around Mr. Pines and she, I exactly quote “would be crazy to want to be close to someone as cursed as him.”

“Stupid little brat.” Pacifica whispers.

“Excuse me?”

“No, nothing, so, what happened to Mr. Pines after that?”

“He dropped out, well, he didn’t enroll the next semester and his professors have been looking for him ever since, it is not sane for someone as bright as him to abandon his studies just like that. If he wasn’t taking all kinds of weird lectures his teachers believe he could be graduating soon.”

“Wait, graduate?”

“Yes, we told you, brilliant guy, perfect notes always, he claims his uncle tutored him in all things related to science, and if that uncle is Stanford Pines it must have been a hell of an education.”

“Didn’t you believe he was crazy?”

“Yes Sonia, he is probably crazy but his scientific skills were top notch, I just hope that his craziness didn’t rub on the boy.”

He has enough craziness of his own, Pacifica thinks and smiles.

“So, can we trust you will help us with these matters?” Sonia asks.

“Yes, I certainly will; be sure that I will find Mr. Pines, at least one of them.” Pacifica answers them.

“Thanks, and we want weekly reports on your work, you have a bright future ahead of you, Miss Northwest, I am sure of that.”

“Thanks.”

Pacifica takes the papers and leaves the office, and she can’t help but feel a little bit of apprehension, what has she exactly agreed to do? As she leaves the building she is greeted by a guy who tells her:

“Hey Paz, want to go drink something?”

“Please, were you so lucky.” She answers stupid Todd…. what was his last name again? Well, as if she cared, he is a jerk who thinks is God’s gift to women, as if she didn’t know that the only reason he was studying at NSPU instead of Harvard or Yale was because here he had influences and sponsors that helped him be admitted, Harvard or Yale would have simply rejected him since he is an idiot while she is the newest generation of Northwests to study here, an unbroken chain since the University was founded in 1899, so she is part of a tradition.

She sits on a bench under one of the old oak trees that grace the campus and reads Dip’s papers and smiles; it is not an academic paper per se but a series of conjectures and ideas scattered amongst some very realistic drawings and mathematical formulas; she had never really seen Dipper’s diary, just briefly glimpsed at some pages written by his uncle, but she was sure that he had written there everything that he had seen and lived in Gravity Falls, what could he had possibly written about what happened with the lumberjack ghost? Did he draw the ghost, or her? Judging by the drawings in the paper she is reading he seems to be a very good draftsman. What did he write about her? Possibly that she was the spoiled brat she was back then and she would have certainly deserved it. I can’t believe I had any friends those days, she thinks and then comes to the realization that she had no friends then, no true friends but kids just like her, learning to flex their power and influence for their own good, competing against each other to see who was the top dog or bitch, having no mercy for the weak or those who were not of their position. It is hard to admit but she feels like she had never truly laughed until that night when she and Dipper walked in that expensive carpet with muddy shoes while she was drunk with the excitement of having disobeyed her parents for the first time ever, defeated a ghost and saved his… friend? It was the first time someone had asked her to do the right thing, and it had felt great, very different from her parents who always asked her to do what was convenient for them. The ghost that had tried to kill her had given her more praise that night than her father had given her in her entire life, what a way to show who was the real monster in her life. Now dad was about to become the governor of the state and that unsettles and excites her at the same time, as much as she wants to think she is different now she still enjoys receiving the perks of power and influence, still delights on wearing expensive clothes and visiting exclusive places even though the people who can afford those experiences are every day more and more abhorable to her.

Am I abhorable to the ordinary folk as well? She asks herself.

Ordinary folk, seriously girl? There is still something rotten in your heart, she thinks while at the same time thinking of the truly extraordinary people she had met seven years ago, which reminds her…

She takes her phone and accepts Mabel’s friendship request, with that done she now only has to wait until Mabel has time to see her notifications and decide if she accepts her… and her phone beeps.

Pacifica, Pacifica Northwest? Is it really you or are you just trolling me?

Hi Mabel, long time not hearing from you.

My God, it is really you, isn’t it?

yes

OMG, what a coincidence! I have been thinking of you lately! I am in GF right now!

Really? that is great, I would like to see you and Dipper again so much

Dipper? don’t you know yet?

what should I know?

Dipper and grunkle Ford, we lost them

lost them as how?

We don’t know, it is been six months since we last heard about them

Maybe they are on a weird mission or something?

No, you don’t understand, even if we were not always together, we and Dipper, we have never let a day pass without talking to each other, even if it is just a text message, never, and now six months, and you don’t know the kind of stupid stuff he and Ford were doing, hell, I don’t know it either but I can imagine lots of things and I hate my imagination for the first time ever

Can I help?

don’t know, we have just these notes with numbers and diagrams and wait, you are a nerd now, you can help us!

I am not a nerd

Yes you are, astronomy and stuff, isn’t it?

how do you know?

Well, I have a friend who is a friend of one of your friends and the GF Gossiper just ran an article about your father and his family, including what his only daughter is doing, and let’s not mention the family section in his Wikipedia page, very detailed.

I guess that explains it

So, can you hop into your fancy convertible and visit us? We are all at the Mystery Shack trying to decide what to do, with your little boommer you can be here in a quick five hours or so?

Sure I could and how do you know about my convertible? My german convertible? I just got it last week!

Aahh… friend of a friend?

Have you been stalking me on social media?

Researching former acquaintances, I call it.

Pacifica sighs while she thinks, well, it is Mabel after all, and she has to admit she is feeling very curious about her, maybe she should check her posts now that they are officially friends and… she has grown, judging from the images she must be about her own height, cute with an impish smile that looks so Mabel, as if she is planning to do something wrong for the right reasons.

Can we expect to see you in GF?

Sure, I’ll be there tomorrow after noon, I was planning to visit it anyway

Thanks, I so want to see you!!

Mabel was the friendliest, purest girl she had ever met, and it seems like age hasn’t changed her even a little, how can someone be so friendly they are annoying? Pacifica thinks. She informs her professors of what she has found about the Pines and tells them that she is going next day to GF, and they urge her not to waste time.

Their interest in Dipper and Stanford is starting to get weird, she thinks as she drives to her apartment. She is wealthy enough to have her own place, no roomies, she doesn’t need one nor wants one. She changes into a nightgown, removes her makeup, eats some organic cheese and crackers and prepares to sleep. She thinks about a glass of wine but decides not to open a bottle just for a single glass and opens up a beer, legal drinking age of 21 be damned.

“Pacifica, beers are so unladylike” she says, imitating her mother’s voice as she drinks half the bottle in a single swallow. She feels a burp trying to erupt, but instead of letting it explode with a glorious roar she demurely puts a hand in front of her mouth and the burp is transformed into something resembling more a little hiccup. Mother would be so proud.

She grabs her phone again and checks Mabel’s page and… there are no pictures of Dipper and…. were they in GF last Christmas and didn’t tell her? Well, last Christmas she was in Aspen with some “friends”, but still they could have tried to contact her, and again, why are there no pictures of Dipper? She understands that Dipper would shun social media but Mabel seems to be in all services, she would have posted a photo or a thousand of him already. Well, tomorrow I can ask her about this, she thinks as she finishes her beer.

2

Driving through the forest has always put Pacifica in a strange mood; she recognizes the beauty and majesty of it, but being aware of all the strange, weird things lurking there gives her the creeps. As she enters the town she can’t help but wonder how the place never seems to change; the same buildings, the same stores, the same local products and the same people walking on the streets, for some reason she can’t understand big national chains have never been interested in the town; no Blockmart, no big movie chains, not even 8+11 has been interested in opening a small, single convenience store. The town hasn’t changed which means that she is at the Mystery Shack in less than five minutes and that place is changed, for the best; the building looks clean and well maintained, it is not the hovel it was when Mr. Pines was managing it. She parks between an old sky blue pickup and a not so new Trius and heads towards the entrance. The place is open for business but there seems to be no customers. As she opens the door she is assaulted by some delicious smell and realizes that she is very, very hungry, maybe she should go grab something to eat and return later.

“May I help you? A woman asks her. Pacifica turns around and tries to remember the name of the woman… Melanie… no Melody, yes, Melody, she is Soos’ wife, they married in Portland two years ago and by the way they didn’t invite her.

“Oh, hello, I am looking for Mabel Pines, I heard she was here and….

“PACIFICA!!”

Mabel runs to her and hugs her as if she was her most beloved BFF. Pacifica is speechless and a little annoyed, why is Mabel like this?

“Hello Pacifica, nice to see you, I am glad you are here!”

“Nice to see you too, now, could you please loosen up a little bit? Breathing is important to me.”

Three more people follow Mabel.

“What’s up girl?” Greets her the tall, slim redhead and she recognizes her as Wendy Corduroy, wasn’t she living in Portland?” Well, whatever she is been doing it seems like it has done her well, even in jeans and flannel she is almost painfully beautiful and that makes Pacifica feel a little insecure; she is used to being the prettiest girl of any group, but Wendy is easily at her level and is taller than her to booth.

“Hello Wendy, I see life is treating you well.”

“It has its ups and downs.”

Standing next to Wendy are Candy and Grenda, Mabel’s old friends. Candy is slim and petite while Grenda is… Grenda; taller even than Wendy and with a truly amazonian physique. Age has rounded up some of her features but she still looks like she could go twelve rounds against a bear and have a shot at beating it.

“Hello Pacifica.” Candy says.

“Good day.” Grenda adds and her voice has changed, it is still deep and a little raspy, but now sounds almost… elegant? Probably due to all the time she spends with Marius.

“Pacifica, did you drive here?”

“Yes Mabel, I drove here.”

“Then you must be hungry, come and join us, Soos and Abuelita are cooking today and you should try their food, I guess you haven’t eaten something as tasty before.”

“Oh, I don’t want to be a bother, I can go grab something at Greasy’s and be back in…”

“Nonsense, come join us, I am sure Soos will be happy to see you.” Melody tells her.

So Pacifica joins them for lunch, and she has to admit that she indeed has never eaten something like this, it is delicious and different to what she usually eats. Soos is also different, he still has some extra pounds on his frame but has lost lots of them, and he doesn’t look as childish as she remembers, he even looks like an adult, and the way he and Melody interact, with love, care and harmony is very different to the cold indifference her parents have habituated her to expect from a married couple.

“So, what have you guys been doing?” Pacifica asks.

“The usual, managing the business.” Soos says.

“I am studying art and photography at Pacific Northwest College of Art.” Candy says.

“I am studying International Relations.” Grenda informs them.

“Sure you are.” Candy and Mabel say before they start giggling.

“I am studying forest management in Seattle.” Wendy informs her.

“I am studying medicine, that is animal medicine, I am going to be a vet! UC Davis forever!” Mabel almost shouts.

“And what about you, Miss Northwest? I heard you were studying astronomy, is it true?”

“Well, yes.”

“Odd, I always thought you were going to study law or economics or something like that.”

“And why would you think that, Miss Corduroy?”

“I just thought that would be the kind of thing a Northwest would like to study.”

“Well, I am not like other Northwests.”

“Hopefully.”

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing, nothing, just that we don’t need trouble right now.”

“I am here to help, not to cause trouble.”

“Hopefully.”

“OK girls, what would you like, bread or tortillas with your stew?” Abuelita asks.

Why is Wendy acting like that? Pacifica thinks and then she remembers about her family's sawmills; they were one of the few businesses her dad kept after Bill’s fiasco and, well, his dad is not paying very good prices for wood, could that be it? Could the traditional lumberjack Corduroy family be having economic troubles because of her father's stingy way of doing business?

“OK, Mabel, you told me that your uncle Ford and Dipper are missing, could you please explain to me more about it? Where were they and what were they doing?” Pacifica asks.

“They were being stupid, that is what they were doing. I told my brother not to drag Dipper into it this time, but does he ever listen, the brainy self important nerd? No, he had to ask for Dipper’s help and now they are probably gone forever.”

Everybody turns to meet Stan Pines. He looks and smells as if he hadn’t bathed or changed clothes in two days, and he is using a cane, not for show as he used to before, but he is actually leaning on it, and when he walks he does it with a noticeable limp.

“Grunkle Stan, could you tell us again what you and Ford were doing before your accident?”

“Before I busted my leg in three places, stupid slippery piers! I told Ford it was his turn to moor the ship but no, he wanted to manage the approach, the idiot and…”

“Grunkle Stan, please focus!”

“OK. OK, Mabel, let me think…. Ford’s equipment had been picking strong anomalous readings like those of an incursion from a parallel dimension or something like that close to the Oregon shore. We were heading to port to resupply fuel and provisions for a month at sea when I broke my leg. I told Ford to wait for me to get better, but you know him, “sorry, this can’t wait” “Later could be too late” and things like that so he asked Dipper for help, and the little moron was more than eager to give it. I told Ford not to take the boy with him but in my condition I couldn’t do anything to stop them, I couldn’t even punch some reason into him, so they set sail on January 4 and we know nothing about them since.”

“Could it be, do you think they were lost at sea?” Pacifica asks, and did her voice almost break?

“No, no, Ford installed these beacons on the ship, they always inform us of their exact location. I was tracking them when their ship simply vanished.

“Did they sink?”

“No, no, if they had sink I would have kept receiving the beacon’s signal, it is like a plane’s black box, it has its own batteries that are protected by a sturdy frame, for a fully charged beacon to suddenly stop communicating it would need to explode or be intentionally disabled. Soos, you helped craft those things, am I right?”

“Very right Mr. Pines, even if the ship had sunk the beacons would have kept transmitting.”

“Then what happened?” Pacifica asks.. trying to ignore the beeping sounds Soos is making.

“They just vanished, they were off the coast of Oregon and a second later they were somewhere else, where? I have no idea, they may be in Oz for all we know.”

Silence falls on the room. Mabel looks down and.. is she about to cry?

“Ok, and you have no idea what they were planning to do, none of you?” Pacifica asks.

“Dipper and Ford were doing some drawings and talking about a breach. I am not a nerd like them but I took a picture of their draw thing.”

“Good Mr. Pines, could you show it to me?”

“Yes, yes, here, we have already printed it.” The older Pines says as he reaches for a paper and gives it to her. It is full of interconnected zigzagging lines of variable width, with some numbers written at the base.”

“OK, these numbers here are coordinates.”

“Yes, we figured that out, they show a location 34 miles northwest of Newport, at the sea, and the 2347 is probably 23:47, 11:47 pm, but there is nothing in that place, Soos and I went there and there is nothing but open sea. We need to figure out what the lines in the drawing mean.”

“Maybe the lines mean something, I don’t know, but look, every point where a line changes direction or touches another, I believe it is a star and, yes, the lines; stars in a constellation are not really close to each other, they might be light years apart and look at how the lines joining the dots vary so much in thickness, probably to indicate distance: I need my laptop and the Wifi password.” Pacifica says as she retrieves a laptop from her purse.

“46u3l174rul35.” Soos tells her.

“We have this program at the university, it can show you how the night sky looks from any location in the world on whatever date you specify, or conversely you can post an image of the sky and location and it can tell you the day of the year it was taken. Now, I don’t need to feed it all the stars, just some, these stars here are Ursa Major, these Ursa Minor, the black circle probably means a new moon and the 72 is a probably a three day interval.”

“What?”

“This diagram is just a calendar that tells us to be at this location at 11:47 pm next monday, and whatever is going to happen is going to last three days.”

“Next monday, like in two days?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my, Pacifica, you are a nerd!”

“No, Mabel, I am not a nerd, I just happened to have the background and tools needed to solve this thing.”

“You are a nerd.”

“No, I am not.”

Mabel stands up and gives Pacifica a big hug.

“Thanks for being a nerd.” she tells her.

“I am not…. argh!. So, what are you going to do now?”

“We are going to go look for Dipper and Ford, that is what.” Stan answers.

“OK, who has a boat?” Soos asks.

“I don’t have a boat.” Wendy says.

“Don’t look at me, I don’t even have a car.” Candy says.

“Marius has a boat… in Monaco, maybe he can be here if he sails nonstop and somehow manages to… nevermind.” Grenda offers.

They all turn and look at Pacifica.

“No, I don’t have a boat and neither my parents, they sold it 7 years ago.”

“OK, then we are going to have to rent one, let me see if I can call on some favors.” Stan says.

By that time Abuelita is serving dessert and as Mabel and her friends help with the dishes Pacifica and Wendy walk out of the Shack and sit on the porch.

“It was impressive what you did back there.”

“I just happened to have the tools required, and I also happen to be impressive.”

“And modest.”

“Yes, so, the twins were here last winter and nobody told me?” Pacifica asks.

“Pacifica, they didn’t tell anyone, they wanted it to be a surprise, and they were the ones surprised; I was in Portland, Candy was visiting her grandma in California, Grenda was skiing with Marius in St. Moritz and you, well I don’t know where you were but it was not here. I arrived here one day before Dipper and Ford left.”

“So you saw Dipper.”

“Briefly, we went to grab a burger and a beer, illegally since Dipper was, is just 19.”

“And how is he?”

“Changed; physically he is very changed, he is taller than either Ford or Stan and his arms are no longer the thin pencils they were before, he told me that he usually goes on missions into the wilderness carrying lots of equipment. He is a grown man, strong and healthy as a mule. Physically, he is fine, very fine.”

“Fine?”

“Yes, I would even say hot.”

“Come on, Dipper hot?”

“Yes, I would show you a picture if I had one, but you are going to have to ask Mabel for that.”

“Why?”

“Have you seen Mabel’s phone, or Stan’s?”

“No, what is with them?”

“They are like custom made, shielded, they told me, to prevent hacking from.. things, electrolls or creatures of the virtual realms or something like that; I know it sounds crazy, but the pictures of Dipper I took last winter they all vanished somehow but if we talk about crazy stuff I believe there is nothing crazier than what happened here seven years ago so I am willing to believe anything related to the Pines.”

“So there must be a supernatural reason why there are no images of Dipper anywhere.”

“Probably, and as I was telling you, while physically he is ok, mentally, I don’t know.”

“Is he crazy?”

“What, no, no he is still sweet and honestly cares for people but he has seen things, deep scary shit and it shows, he is constantly looking over his shoulder and any sudden sound makes him jump, it is as if he is constantly expecting something bad to happen, and on top of that when I met him he had just broken up with his girlfriend, he told me he really liked her but when he showed her the kind of stuff that was part of his life she just couldn’t cope with it and decided to stop having contact with him.”

“Well, scary things are always a minute away when you are dealing with the Pines.”

“Stan has been talking about some truly horrible things he saw with Ford and he is raging mad that his brother got Dipper involved in them, it seems like Dipper has been secretly doing things for Ford for years without Stan knowing. Now they are both lost and Stan is scared and if he is scared then I know I should be terrified.”

“Do you think they are hurt?”

“I don’t know, but this town owes them so much, I know I can’t just abandon them.”

“You are right about that.”

“By the way, it was lucky that you decided to contact Mabel after all this time, maybe that means that fate is on our side.”

“I don’t believe in fate.”

“Neither do I.”

“Then why did you bring it up?”

“Maybe just to convince me that here is something bigger on our side, helping us.”

“That would be nice.”

“So, what are you going to do now? Where are you staying?”

“Mom and dad still have a house here, I can go there or maybe even go to the old manor, McGucket has always had a soft spot for me, he has given me keys to the front door and left my old room unchanged.”

“The old man, we wanted to ask for his help but Stan told us that McGucket had actually told Ford to stop messing with the unknown or there would be consequences, and when that happened he would not give him even the littlest bit of help, but maybe he will help us if you ask him.”

“Do you think he has a boat?”

“No, he doesn’t, but Soos told us that he has fixed his lake monster submarine.”

“Lake monster submarine?”

“Yes, you should ask Soos to tell you that story, he was there.”

“Can we use that submarine?”

“No, according to Soos it is not seaworthy.”

“A shame, then we should keep looking for a boat then.”

“Yes we should.”

Wendy stands up and heads inside the house, while Pacifica makes a phone call.

“Professor, hi, I know it is saturday, but I have news about the Pines, and not good ones.”

She then proceeds to inform them that the last time they were seen was off the coast of Oregon.

“We might have an idea of where they are, but we need a boat to go check it.”

“Well, our University has some boats available, maybe we can lend you a small boat if you promise to return it in less than a week.”

“Oooookay, now this is extremely weird, why all this willingness to help me find the Pines? What are you not telling me?” Pacifica asks.

“I guess it is time I told you the truth; we have been keeping tabs on the Pines family since the night Stanford came looking for our help in the eighties, I am part of a government agency dedicated to keep the equilibrium between our world and everything else there is out there and I would be very dishonest if I didn’t admit that the jobs the Pines carry out are of great help to this country and home dimension.”

“Wait, you know about all, all the weird stuff?”

“Yes, we are aware of lots of things.”

“Even what happened here seven years ago?”

“Miss, it was hard to miss that a whole part of Oregon had vanished behind a mythic dome. We tried to send troops to investigate but they would enter the dome from the road coming from Portland and immediately be transported to the other side, on the road to Idaho. Yes, we know something incredibly dangerous happened in Gravity Falls in 2012 and that it was somehow averted by the action of the Pines family.”

“Then why did this thing never go public?”

“Because it is the kind of thing better kept secret, we don’t want people to know that you can summon extra dimensional demons to do your bidding or that magic or something like it really exists, the world is crazy enough without idiots summoning demons in their basement. Now, we are in a position to help you and you are in a position to help your country, will you accept our help?”

“I don’t know if I can trust you, I hate it when people keep things from me.”

“We assure you we deeply care for your well being.”

Pacifica thinks things for a moment; she really hates it when people use her without her consent, but these guys are now willing to give her a boat, and they don’t have a boat and maybe no way to procure one otherwise, so….”

“OK, but I am going in that boat, is that clear?”

“Are you sure of that?”

“Yes I am, and I don’t want any of your people with us, is that clear too?”

“That is highly improbable, my superiors are going to…”

“It is not negotiable.”

“I need to check things with my superiors, I will get back to you when I have their answer.” The man says and finishes the call.

Pacifica puts the phone in her pants and gets inside the shack, and she finds everybody there laughing like crazy.

“What is so funny?” She asks.

“Oh, we are just remembering that time with the Gobblewonker.” Mabel answers.

“The Gobblewonker? What is that?”

“The lake monster robot I told you about.” Wendy says.

“Yes, it was so funny.” Soos says.

“Funny? You told me you believed you were about to die like a dozen times!” Melody tells Soos.

“Well, yes, but then we found out it was really a machine with Old Man McGucket inside, and even if he was waaay crazy then, he would have never hurt us.”

“Are you sure of that Soos?”

“Yes, honey, I am.”

“And you know what was the funniest part? Even when we were being chased by the monster all Dipper cared for was taking a picture of it, and he kept botching it.” Mabel says.

“Yes, it was blunder after blunder.” Soos adds.

“That idiot Dipper, we were being chased by a monster and he was worrying about a picture.” Mabel says, but then her eyes start welling up.

“And the imbecile hasn’t changed ever since.”

“Come on Mabel, we are going to find him, them.” Wendy says as she approaches her and puts a hand on her shoulder.

“And what if we don’t, or what if we find them but they are, they are…”

“They are going to be OK.”

“And if they aren’t? Dipper and I are a team, he is like my Yin or maybe I am his Yang and…”

“That is the same thing, and I believe girls are the Yin.”

“Thanks for the clarification Candy.” Wendy says and hugs Mabel. Pacifica is touched but she doesn’t feel like she is familiar enough with Mabel to go hug her, and she is thinking what to do when her phone rings.

“Yes…. are you sure? Ok, but remember our agreement… yes, tomorrow, OK…”

Pacifica hangs up and then announces to the group.

“People, we have a boat.”

3

“Gals, you know I can go to my home, or crash McGucket’s, I don’t want to be a bother.”

“Nonsense Pacifica, we can all have a sleepover like in the old times.”

“We never had a sleepover.”

“No, because you were a snotty rich kid who made my life impossible, so now is the time to correct that.”

Pacifica sighs and says.

“OK, but I want a bed.”

“Hey, the other bed is mine.” Wendy says.

“Well, I am not sleeping on the floor.”

“Then we have a problem.”

“We can let luck decide.”

“Why should I accept that?”

“Because you are sure you are going to win, or are you scared?”

“Scared of a Northwest, please! What do you propose?”

“How about poker? I am sure Stan has some cards.”

“No, not poker, unless you want Grunkle Stan to stay here all night and end up betting his pants.”

“Well, Mabel, what about dice?”

“The same.”

“Dominoes?”

“The same.”

“Monopoly?”

“THE SAME!!”

“Rock, paper, scissors?”

“OK, but do it discreetly so he doesn’t notice.”

“Two out of three, agree?”

“Agree.” Wendy answers.

“Ok, here we go.”

Six rounds later, there is a winner.

“Ha, take that Corduroy!”

“Damn it!”

“Gals, don’t fight, Wendy, you can have my bed, I will sleep on the floor.”

“What? No, of course not, I couldn’t, I’d rather go sleep at home.”

“No, you need to rest too, let your dad and brothers take care of themselves for a night.”

“Well, I do need some time with my friends, I love seeing my family but sometimes I feel more like their mother than anything else.”

“OK, so let me see, I have some extra blankets and an old carpet to make the floor more comfortable, just let me check the carpet is not the body swapping one.”

“Wait, you have a body swapping carpet?” Pacifica asks.

“We had, Uncle Stan says he got rid of it, but I have to check first, better safe than sorry.”

“What do you mean by body swap carpet?”

“Like the carpet does its thing and suddenly I am in your body and you are in mine.”

“That is insane!”

“Yes it is.”

“And how did you find out about that?”

“It was in a hidden room, Dipper and I went inside and suddenly, blam! I am Dipper and he is Mabel.”

“Wait, you were a boy?”

“Yes, briefly, it was weird! and then Candy, Grenda, Waddles, Soos, McGucket and the police got involved and…”

“Oh, my, then Dipper was a girl?”

“Yes, but it was just for moments.”

“I can’t believe it, a body swap carpet, you are not kidding me, aren’t you?”

“Nope, all true, cross my heart.”

“People would pay lots of money for something like that.”

“Pacifica, people would kill for something like that.” Mabel says, showing that she is not as naive as she appears to be.

“And how did it feel, how did you feel being Dipper?”

“It wasn’t that great, I was always sweaty and I smelled funny.”

“I can’t believe Dipper was a girl.”

“Girls, plural, as I told you Grenda and Candy were also involved.”

“Maybe that is why Dipper is so nice, he understands more things than the normal male.” Wendy says, and then adds.

“I can’t believe all the adventures you had here in such a brief time; I spent most of my life in these woods without spooky incidents and you come and boom! it is like you opened a door or something.”

“According to uncle Ford the weirdness was always here, we just shone a light on it, and remember the cult that erased memories, they were a great factor in keeping the town in complete ignorance.”

“What? A cult?” Pacifica asks.

“More of a secret society, they had this gun that erased memories and they used it to erase all weird memories from the inhabitants of Gravity Falls. It is the same gun we used to defeat Bill.”

“How did it work?”

“The society would look for people who had seen something weird and then erased that memory from their brains, for example, imagine that you after our encounter with the Lilliputtians had…”

“Wait, what is a Lilliputtian?”

“The little golf ball people.”

“What?”

“Oh my, they got to you!!”

“What, no, no, I know what you are talking about, they took shelter here during Bill’s attack but I had never met them before.”

“Remember that day when I challenged you to a mini golf match?”

“Yes, you didn’t show.”

“Yes, we did, Dipper and I and we had our match, that is until the little balls tried to murder you.”

“Murder me? What for?”

“Because you sucked at mini golf.”

“I have never sucked at mini golf.”

“Girlfriend, you did and I was beating you badly.”

“No, that is not possible, you are kidding me, aren’t you?”

“Partially, but not about the Lilliputtians trying to murder you, that part is real.”

“So, I had another adventure with you and Dipper besides the ghost, the face stealer and Bill’s invasion and I don’t remember anything about it?”

“What ghost, and what is a face stealer?” Wendy asks.

“A couple of messes Pacifica got us into.” Mabel says.

“Well yes, but I remember saving you both times too.”

“It doesn’t count if you were the very reason we were in danger.”

“What? Well, maybe you're right, sorry I put you in danger.”

“Don’t worry, you defied your parents and passed up on eternal beauty for us, thanks for that.”

“So, you had adventures with Pacifica without me?” Wendy asks.

“Some, most of our adventures were with you or Soos.”

“And now we are having an adventure together.” Pacifica says.

“Yes, and Pacifica, thanks for your help, you have been formidable so far even if we were never the best of friends, you are Godsend.”

“Come on Mabel, I am not that bad of a person once you get to know me, I really care for you, you had a great impact in my life and I had a lot of fun with you and your brother at the ghost party.”

“With us? You and I didn’t cross a word that night! By us don’t you mean Dipper? I saw you two running and talking and laughing all night long and for a moment, when your father was looking for you I couldn't find any of you, what were you doing? Were you, you know, holding hands?”

“Oh please! Yes, I was happy; for the first time in my life I had defied my parents and done the right thing, I was more than happy, I was euphoric, but assuming that Dipper and I, that we were… we were kids.”

“Come on, you were old enough.”

“Mabel, not everybody was as romantically precocious as you were.” Wendy says.

“Please Wendy, by age 15 you had a long list of ex-boyfriends.”

“Yes, mostly from age 14 and up… my dad was very good at scaring them before I learned the value of discretion.”

“So, what was the average life expectancy of those relationships?”

“Average life expectancy? And you say you are not a nerd?”

“Gals, speaking of life expectancy, you know you don’t have to come with us next monday, Grunkle Stan and I will go search for Dipper alone, you don’t need to risk your lives, and Pacifica, whatever it costed you to get the boat we will pay it to you.”

“I still don’t know the true cost of that boat, but if you think you are going looking for them without me then you are crazy.”

“I think the same: forest, ocean, underground bunkers or alien dimensions it doesn’t matter, I am ready for them and I am going with you this monday, even if I have to use force to convince you.”

“No need, and gals, I love you. I am tired, let’s go to sleep.”

“Mabel, I can’t let you sleep on the ground, take the bed.”

“I am fine here Wendy.”

“No, it is your bed; if you don’t mind we can share.”

“Wendy, it is barely large enough for one person.”

“Mabel, Wendy is right, I can go sleep to my house and…”

“Pacifica, you get out of that bed and I am sicking Waddles on you and he is 350 pounds now.”

“OK, if you put it that way.”

“Good, besides you got the good bed, Dipper wasn’t as much into bed jumping as I was.”

“So, this is Dipper's bed?”

“For the couple of months we were here, yes, and I am sure Soos hasn’t changed the mattresses.”

Pacifica leans back on the pillow and looks at the ceiling, wondering all the times Dipper must have done the same, thinking about the monster of the day, a weird conspiracy theory or miss Wendy Corduroy; they spent a lot of time together, and not only because Wendy worked at the shack, she had seen them together around town, alone or with Wendy’s friends, or with Soos and Mabel and from what she has just heard Wendy and the Pines had lots of adventures together and, come on, since when a guy hangs out with a girl as much without feeling something for her? And if said girl is a stunning redhead, well, things are more obvious.

“Mabel, I have to insist…”

“Wendy, not a single word more, can’t you see I am happy to have you here gals? Grenda and Candy would be speaking about their boyfriends all the time, and while I am happy for them I can’t think of anything but Dipper and Grunkle Ford.”

Pacifica had no idea Candy was in a relationship, but she is cute so it is not unexpected, as for Grenda she knows she and Marius are a serious thing, as improbable as that appears to be, then she remembers the time she asked Marius about it and the thing he answered.

“Paz, I am aware of the things people say, “Marius, be careful not to break that girl’s heart or she is going to break your bones” and things like that, but with her I can be me; our families have no business ties, there are no political advantages to gain from our relationship or secret alliances that need to be honored, with her I am just me, the me I like the most, the happy me; I not only love her for the person she is because she is beyond awesome but also for the person I am when we are together, I don’t know if this makes sense to you but it means everything to me.”

It made sense to her and for some days she was tremendously jealous of him; even if she had grown as a person and didn’t take shit from anyone now, not even her parents, she was always constantly trying to be a perfect version of her, a perfect Northwest first, making a competition out of everything, even having fun and that means being always in a state of constant tension only temporarily ameliorated by expensive visits to the spa.

“Mabel, you mentioned that only you and your uncle Stan were going to rescue Dipper, aren’t there more people who could help? McGucket? Gideon?” Pacifica asks.

“McGucket is not on good terms with Ford, Gideon is in Massachusetts now and not aware of Dipper’s disappearance.”

“But he would come if you call him.” Wendy says.

“The thing is, I don’t want anyone to risk their lives for our sake, I even plan to give Soos the slip on this, don’t tell anyone but he is about to become a father.”

“That is great, go Soos, go Melody!”

“Yes Wendy, that is why I can’t ask Soos to risk his life now.”

“So, basically, it is us three girls and your uncle Stan.”

“Yes, and please think about this better, what we are going to do might be dangerous, Pines dangerous.”

“I survived a lot of Pines dangers before, this is not going to be different.”

“I had to save you and Dipper both two times, I can save you a third one.”

“Thanks gals, now I want to rest, good night.”

As Pacifica hugs the blankets a thought crosses her mind.

“Wait, how was Waddles involved in the body swap carpet thing?”

4

After breakfast Soos and Stan start to load stuff into Wendy’s pickup while Pacifica calls her professor again who gives her detailed information about their ship’s name and location.

“You know you are not leaving me behind.” Soos tells Stan.

“Soos, Ford made a big mistake dragging Dipper into this mess, I am not going to make it worse dragging you too.”

“Mr. Pines, you are not dragging me, I am going willingly, Dipper and Mabel are the siblings I never had, they are family, I can’t just stay here when one of them is lost and the other is risking her life.”

“Soos, we are thankful but now you have another family, one that is about to grow, so no, we can’t take you with us, if something happens to you I would never be able to see Melody to the face in my whole life.”

“Who is going to sail the boat?”

“I have been sailing a ship in open seas for the last seven years, you had a boat on a lake, I am more qualified than you.”

“So I can’t go but Wendy can? and Pacifica, when has she done anything for us?”

“Soos, you have responsibilities now you can’t skip, responsibilities and priorities, think of them.”

“A man can have responsibilities to different people, Mr. Pines.”

“Soos, you are a good friend, but this time you are going to have to stay, your wife and your soon to come kid need you, and I might need you to post bail or call my lawyer if things go as they usually go.”

“You haven’t paid your lawyer’s fees from the last case.”

“Well, he didn’t save me from paying that fine, and that fine was more than his fees! I wasn’t going to pay double.”

Stan and Soos discuss for some more moments, and as they finish arguing the girls come out of the shack.

“OK, it is a long drive to the coast, time to go.” Wendy says.

Mabel is riding with Pacifica while Wendy and Stan travel in the truck; Mabel wasn’t going to subject Pacifica to the horror of multiple hours with her grunkle, he might be a good person but she is not sure he is not going to be asking Pacifica to use her father’s influences for all kind of permit and tax exemptions for things that Pacifica should never, ever know, and besides, Wendy knows how to handle Stan, she’s been doing it since she was 15.

“Mr. Pines, before we leave, is there something I should know about our cargo in case a cop stops us?”

“Wendy, we have some guns but they are the kind there are no regulations about.”

“Are you taking the reducing pistol I made for you?” Soos asks.

“Damn gun, last time I used it it backfired! It took me six days to get to Ford and have him fix me back.”

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad, didn't the fairy beetles try to make you their king?”

“They wanted to make me their queen! I still shudder when I think about that, so no size altering gun!”

Ten minutes later they all leave; Soos, Grenda and Candy are staying in case something from the shack is needed and as a second rescue team in case the mission goes bad. After ten minutes of road Pacifica wonders if it is not too late to switch places with Mr. Pines; Mabel’s talking ability is more than amazing, it is annoying. After 60 minutes of constant questions about her life Pacifica decides that, if Mabel is so willing to talk, maybe she should be the one leading the conversation.

“So, Mabel, what about your life? Are you happy?”

“Oh yes, I mean, right now I am worried about Dipper and Ford, but otherwise I love my life, I have good friends, parties every weekend, maybe a kiss or two sometimes, ah! I love it!”

“And you have a special one?”

“Nah, I have had some boyfriends but none was able to keep up with me.”

I wonder why that is, Pacifica thinks.

“And what about you? Don’t tell me beauty queen blonde princess Pacifica Northwest doesn’t have a prince yet.” Mabel asks.

“No, all my princes ended up being frogs.”

“Come on, isn’t there a handsome heir to a multimillion dollar fortune waiting for you somewhere?”

“Those are the most boring guys ever, so out of touch with everything and so full of themselves; they believe that girls should be interested in them just for their money so they end up talking only about the stuff they own, the things they want to buy and how they use their wealth to lord over everyone around them. The only good thing I can say about them is that they give great gifts.”

“Are you telling me you are single?”

“Why does that surprise you?”

“Because you are gorgeous and rich! I mean, look at you! That makeup you are wearing is probably more expensive than my whole wardrobe.”

“Mabel, I am more than a face.”

“I forgot the astronomy part, how did your parents take your education choice?”

“Bad, dad was like: girl, you are going to spend the rest of your life fighting for government money and receiving a middle class salary at best.”

“And what did you tell him?”

“That it was my decision, that maybe I didn’t want to live the same life he had, and that having a smart, beautiful scientist daughter could only help his political aspirations and that was the end of the discussion.”

“Clever girl.”

“Yes I am. So, what about Dipper, how is he doing?”

“Ah, Dipper, I worry for him a lot, even if he wasn’t missing I would still worry about him everyday, uncle Ford is driving him too hard and he is driving himself even harder; no fun, no life besides fighting the weirdness out there. Uncle Stan believes that Dipper is going to end up badly if he doesn’t stop listening to Ford but Dipper is, has always been so in awe of our lost uncle that it seems like he wants to be him or at least his replacement. Stan agrees that Ford and Dipper are doing a good job protecting our universe, he says that thanks to Dipper countless lives have been saved but he also says that following in Ford’s footsteps is going cost Dipper his happiness, that he is going to end up alone and bitter, and you don’t want someone as smart and driven as Dipper to end up holding a grudge against the world.”

“So, he is scared Dipper is going to end up alone and miserable?”

“Stan says that Dipper is maybe ten years from becoming a super villain or something like that.”

“Come on, Dipper?”

“He has been learning all kinds of dangerous stuff and he and Ford have also been building all kinds of dangerous stuff; I still see in him my little brother, but you might not recognize him.”

“Wendy told me he met him last winter and that he was the same Dipper of old; yes, she was worried about him, she said he looked scared but that deep down he was the same Dipper she remembered from seven years ago.”

“Dipper has always had a soft spot for Wendy so I get he would revert to form around her, but normally he is not the same old Dipper; as you said he is always worried, thinking horrible things about the future, running from here to there while carrying all kinds of mysterious stuff with him; I was so happy for him when he began dating a girl until I got to know her; a dumb blonde with more money than brains, a girl who claimed to be attuned to the “mystical vibrations surrounding us.” I knew she was a fraud when she claimed that the gnomes were little creatures of light worried about human welfare and that unicorns were really angels protecting mankind… stupid bitch! And when Dipper tried to show her real supernatural stuff what happened? She went crazy, insulted a Council of Dryads and almost had her and Dipper killed. It took Dipper a month of rituals and a truck of ammonium nitrate to appease them. Even if he was very careful I would not be surprised if he is now in a terrorist watch list because of that dumb girl.”

“And what about you, you take no part in Dipper’s investigations?”

“Not as much as I would like and at the same time more than I would like; they let me in the fun sometimes, but the truly dangerous stuff is something only my grunkles and Dipper tackle.”

“They don’t trust you?”

“More like the three big macho men want to protect the little girl… please, as if I hadn’t saved their lives more than once! Maybe I didn’t have Dipper’s phenomenal growth spurt and I definitely don’t have his muscles but I have pluck enough for the three of them!”

OK, Dipper, muscles? Pacifica thinks, which reminds her he has yet to see a current image of him, so an hour later when they stop to buy some snacks and use the toilet she asks Mabel for it.

“Sure gal, here, what do you think?”

Pacifica notices a couple of things; first, Mabel’s phone is weirder than she had imagined; it is wrapped in some sort of dark bony material inscribed with weird signs and hums from time to time. About the picture, Dipper and Mabel are in it and Dipper indeed had a serious growth spurt: judging by Mabel’s size Dipper must be at least 6’2”, maybe 6’3”. His children’s roundish face has turned squarish but he still has the same charming, dorky smile of before. He has indeed bulked up, but he doesn’t look like a gym freak, more like an outdoorsman. All in all, as Wendy said, Dipper looks, unexpectedly, kind of hot.

“He is not a kid anymore.” She says.

“Well, yes, we are all older, he is not a boy anymore just as you are not a little girl anymore, or I for that matter.”

Pacifica turns to look at Wendy pumping gas to her old pickup; she has also grown and done it nicely.

“Do you think Dipper still feels something for Wendy?”

“What? Where do you get that idea from? I mean, Dipper and Wendy, she is older and…”

“Please, I had eyes back then.”

“Aahh, well, he says he is over her, that he’s been over her since before Bill attacked GF, but maybe now, you know, Wendy is less than three years older than him, three years may be a lot when you are 12 and 15, but now? It is not that much, and as time passes that age difference is going to become even more meaningless.”

“So you are going to play matchmaker? Does Wendy know?”

“What, no, no, not matchmaker, not between them at least, I just hope that maybe she and Dipper can somehow reconnect, it would be nice for those two to have something nice in their lives, someone nice. Dipper would do anything for Wendy and Wendy needs someone good by her side.”

“Supervillain Dipper?” Pacifica asks as she gets into the car.

“I hope a healthy romantic relationship can keep the supervillain away.”

As they resume their trip Mabel asks.

“Astronomer, it still amazes me, in a good way, so, what are you planning to do after graduation, working at NASA?”

“Maybe, and I was also thinking about a telescope close to Gravity Falls, with all the weird things there I was thinking that there might also be weird things in the sky above it.”

“You need to talk with Ford or Dipper about that, they can help you with your plan. Of course, if there is something dangerous up there they will work tirelessly to spoil your plans, maybe it will be better not to talk with them about your telescope.”

“And you Mabel, what do you want?”

“A nice veterinarian office where I can see and heal lots of lovely animals everyday, lots of romance, not with the animals of course, maybe waaay later a couple of kids, a nice house, you know, the usual, boring middle class dream with absolutely no monsters or extra dimensional demons whatsoever.”

“Yes, fuck monsters and demons.”

That moment Mabel’s phone rings and she answers. It is her mom, and from what Pacifica can hear she is of the idea that Dipper is dead and doesn’t want Mabel to risk her life.

“Mom, yes I know, it’s been six months, but if there is a chance they are alive I have to take it and no, we will not be running unnecessary risks, don’t worry and yes, I will return to University, don’t worry. Yes, I will let you know as soon as we find them and please have faith.”

She hangs up and says.

“Mom doesn’t know about Dipper’s extra curricular activities, all she knows is Dipper and Ford are lost at sea, to her they sunk and drowned months ago and just wants me to let it go.”

“Imagine how surprised she is going to be when you return with your brother.”

“Yes, and thanks Pacifica, you are a good friend.”

Several hours later they arrive at the coast and park at a small b&b overlooking the piers.

“We can park here, our cars will be watched for until we return.” Pacifica informs them.

They leave their vehicles and book two rooms while Pacifica goes to the pier. There, she finds the ship she is looking for, a relatively modern fishing ship converted to work as a smll research vessel. There are two men waiting on board.

“Good afternoon Miss Northwest.” The older guy greets her, while the younger man just nods.

“Good afternoon, and you are…?”

“Our names are of no consequence, but you can call me Powers, and my friend here is Mr. Trigger.”

“So, Powers and Trigger, those don’t sound like real names.”

“They are.”

“So, Mr. Powers, are you here to give me the keys of the ship?”

“We are here for your protection, Miss Northwest, for that and some unfinished business with Mr. Pines.”

“Which one?”

“Actually, with both older Pines, they seem to have done things to us that ask for retribution.”

“Well, you know that if he sees you here he is going to run the other way, thus jeopardizing our mission.”

“He can carry his mission in handcuffs.”

“No, because I will warn him of your intentions.”

“Miss Northwest, that would be contrary to your interests.”

“Actually, it would only be contrary to yours and be sure of this, I am not going to let you arrest Mr. Pines, we need him for a rescue mission, and besides, you don’t strike me as law enforcement agents.”

“We are law enforcement, but not the kind that makes arrests, take the ship but be sure we will be eagerly waiting for your return.” The agents tell her as they jump out of the boat, hand her the keys and walk away.

Pacifica watches them leave and goes back to the inn. Wendy and her will share a room while Stan and Mabel will share the other.

“We have our ship:” Pacifica informs them.

“Good, then let’s load our stuff.”

Stan brought with him some heavy boxes but fortunately also a hand truck for moving them. It takes the combined efforts of Stan, Wendy and Mabel to get the boxes into the ship.

“Damn, what is in these boxes, rocks?” Wendy asks, puffing.

“Needed gear.” Stan says and as soon they are inside the cabin he opens a large box and takes out of it a smaller, metal box.

“With this, Soos can track our location.”

“Mr. Pines, why didn't you take it out of the box before we loaded it?” That thing alone must be responsible for half the weight of the crate!”

“There are other things inside the box I couldn’t risk being spotted, that is why.” He says as he pulls a weird looking pistol out of the crate.

“What is that?” Pacifica asks.

“A heat sink gun; removes heat from an area while at the same time sucking in and freezing all available air moisture around the target.”

“A freezing gun like uncle Ford’s!” Mabel says.

“Yes, it is a twin of that.”

“And what does this baby do?” Wendy asks, pulling a large boxy rifle thing.

“Taser gun, discharges a high intensity electrical charge from the two prongs at its end, don't point it my way!”

“And this other?” Mabel asks.

“Net gun, shoots a net at a target, it has three different net sizes selectable through the dial just in front of the trigger.”

“And this weapon?” Pacifica asks, pointing at a double barrel shotgun.

“Multi purpose, shoots shells loaded with a mixture of rock salt, iron pellets and silver shavings or shells loaded with special gel pellets developed by Dipper full of anointed water or regular 00 buck, depending what the occasion demands. Flare shells too.”

“The little lamp under the barrel is not very bright.”

“It is an ultraviolet lamp, be careful, it was a real pain in the ass mounting it in that old shotgun.”

“So, you came ready for everything.”

“Hopefully, now, let’s check this bathtub and see what it can do.”

Stan moves around the ship, enters all decks and checks everything.

“Diesel tanks full, as well as the water tanks and batteries and there is food in the pantries, there are even enough life vests for all of us and some spares, it seems like we are all set, maybe lady luck will sail with us tomorrow.”

Pacifica is a little worried; whoever is interested in Dipper and Ford are doing all they can to make things easy for their rescue, why are they being so helpful? And those men she met, Danger and Trigger, no, Powers and Trigger, there is an odd vibe about them, odd bordering on dangerous, and why does she think that she has seen them before?”

“Pacifica, do you have good outdoors clothes?” Wendy asks.

“Outdoors? Aren’t we going to be sailing?”

“You never know.” She answers.

So, the next two hours they spend on a sporting goods store getting Pacifica the gear she might need.

“These boots are not very flattering.”

“Pacifica, they need to be functional, not flattering, and here, put this canteen in the cart too, now let’s go see some knives.”

“Knives?”

They leave the store with thermal underwear, four layers of water repelling clothing, a pair of sturdy boots, a fireproof lighter, a sleeping bag, a water filter, water purification tablets, portable cooking kit, a small first aid kit and a six inch long survival knife.

“These were not programmed expenses.”

“Come on, you can afford it, and this gear will last you a lifetime, and with it, you are now ready.”

5

Next afternoon they board the ship and Stan expertly maneuvers the boat out of the port. For all purposes it is a beautiful day, breezy and sunny with some small clouds scattered in the sky.

As they sail to their destination Pacifica keeps looking back, worried of someone following them. At 11.20 pm she finally sighs with relief; even with Stan’s infrared goggles there is no sign of nearby ships or helicopters. As the minute hand on her expensive wristwatch moves closer and closer to the 27 mark everybody comes closer to each other, and when it finally gets there everybody holds their breath but as the hand keeps moving and moving closer to 28 everybody starts looking around.

“Nothing’s happened.” Wendy says.

“Are you sure, maybe we are not looking in the right direction.”

“Mabel, there is water all around us, if someone or something had suddenly appeared we would know it.”

“So, the mission is a failure?”

“Mabel, let’s wait.”

And wait they do for two hours but nothing happens.

“Mabel, we will find them, I promise you we will find them.”

“But how, we have no other clues to their whereabouts or even about what they were doing.”

“We will find a way, I promise you.”

“Wendy, maybe they are truly lost, I can’t ask you to keep helping me, you have your own life to live.”

“I will never abandon Dipper, he is a good friend, as a matter of fact, and I feel like a loser saying this, I believe my relationship with him was the best I have had with a man in my whole life.”

Pacifica thinks about what Wendy has just said, could DIpper be her best relationship with a man too? They were kids and she didn’t interact with him as much as Wendy did, but during their brief adventures he proved to be courageous, resourceful and honest and in a way he has been the only person, besides herself, to truly bring out the best in her. No, she is not going to abandon Dipper and Ford Pines to their luck, if there is hope they are alive she is going to do her darndest best to find them.

“Mabel, I am with you, we are not going to let you continue this search alone.”

“Gals, thank you. Let’s just be together and watch this beautiful moon for some moments.”

Wait, moon?

Pacifica looks up and yes, there is a bright crescent above them, and the stars, the stars!

“Girls, today was supposed to be a moonless night, moonless! And look at the constellations, they are, they… I don’t recognize any!”

That moment Stan comes out of the captain’s cabin.

“Girls, bad news and good news: bad news, I have lost contact with Soos, good news, I am picking a signal from the Stan-o.war!”

“The what?”

“Pacifica, that is Ford’s ship, we found them!”

The girls jump with excitement, until Pacifica asks.

“And, who is going to find us? As a matter of fact, where are we? Can’t you feel it? The temperature has risen considerably in the last minutes, the skies above are not those observable from Earth and even the moon looks weird.”

“I am sure Ford and Dipper are already working on a way back but need us to make it work, we are all going back to, to… Earth!” Mabel shouts.

They sail for about half an hour until the outline of land is visible.

“Gals, there are no islands this distance from the Oregon coast.”

“Mabel, we are no longer in Oregon, and let’s give thanks for the moon above us, otherwise we might have only noticed land when we hit something.”

As they approach land Stan turns on the floodlights and they see they are approaching very close to some mean looking rocks. They are close to what seems to be a tropical land full of trees and there, maybe 80 meters from the coast is the Stan-o-war resting on top of some huge rocks, a huge open hole on its left side.

“That doesn’t look seaworthy anymore.”

“No Wendy, it doesn’t.” Stan says as he sighs, it is obvious he is feeling the loss of the ship.

“DIPPER; FORD!” Mabel shouts.

“Shh, Mabel, be silent.”

“Why?”

“Look at the ship, how did it get there? Maybe the tide was way higher when Ford hit the rocks, but the Stan-o-war has a top notch radar and sonar, there is no way Ford would have failed to notice those rocks.”

“And….”

“There might be a reason for my brother to choose to run aground our ship, but there is also the possibility that something else put it there somehow. Bad Weather? A possibility. A big, bad, mean unknown creature I would not discard either, so let’s be silent and try other ways of communication.”

Stan grabs his phone and starts dialing a number.

“Grunkle, I don’t believe you will get a signal here.”

“Mabel, cellular communication is just one of the things these phones can do, you should try contacting Dipper.”

Stan puts the phone to his ear and a big smile forms on his face.

“Ford, Ford… you are alive? Where am I? Watching the mess you made of our ship, that is where I am and…. ok, we will follow your signal and even if I am still angry at you I am happy to hear your voice and what about Dipper, is that nerd ok? I am with people who would love to talk with him right now…..Oh, I see…. we will follow your signal… no, there is no sign of a kraken…. 30 minutes…. yes, we will get moving right now.”

“Uncle Stan, I can't get Dipper to answer my calls, is he OK?”

“Mabel, I… let’s wait to hear what Ford has to tell us.”

They sail along the coast for some minutes until they reach a small, natural bay providing some shelter. Stan anchors the ship as Wendy inflates a large orange boat that they all board. Just to be safe they decide to row to shore instead of using the noisy motor so by the time they reach land they are all tired.

“The sand feels just like sand.” Wendy says.

“Because it is just sand, girl, and may I ask why in all hells Stan found acceptable to get you involved in this mess?”

“Uncle Ford!” Mabel says and runs to the figure emerging from the shadows.

“Mabel, I am so happy and at the same time so mad that you are here! Why did you come looking for us?”

“Please grunkle, you know we would never abandon you, and where is Dipper, where is my brother.”

Ford's smile disappears instantly.

“Mabel, Dipper, he… I, I mean, we were…”

“No, uncle, please no, don’t tell me he is dead.”

“No, not dead, or at least I hope not.”

“Then where is he?”

“Somewhere there.” Ford says, pointing at the thick jungle behind them.

“Mr, Pines, could you care to explain what happened to you, and where we are now?”

“Miss Northwest? My God, Stan, why did you bring her here?”

“He didn’t bring me, I came of my own will, as a matter of fact I am the one who got the ship and decided to bring Mr. Pines with me.”

“Did you?”

“Yes, and she was the one who discovered how to find you.” Mabel informs him.

“I knew that star diagram was too easy to decipher.”

“Yes it was, so, where are we Mr. Pines, and where is Dipper?”

6

Six months ago.

“Uncle Ford, the wind is too strong!”

“Get inside the ship now.”

“But the Kraken!”

“We can’t outrun it, we cannot fight it in this weather and I cannot electrify the deck with you out there!”

Dipper gets inside the cabin, his shotgun on his shoulder, with the heavy downpour it is dangerous using any other kind of more effective gun like the taser rifle or plasma gun. As he closes the door the ship suddenly stops, no, it is stopped by huge tentacles coiling around it.

“Damn it, we were so close to shallower waters, now I have no choice but to do this.” Ford says as he presses a button. Almost immediately they hear a horrible shriek and a delicious smell of cooked seafood fills the air.

“The kraken is releasing us, it is…”

Dipper shuts up, for the ship is now flying; the beast has thrown them away and….

CRASH!

The Stan-o-war falls atop some very sharp looking rocks some three meters above sea level.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes uncle Ford, I am ok, you?”

“Yes, yes, I am OK and...OH DAMN!”

“That didn’t sound OK to me.”

“Stupid old body and stupid Kraken!”

“We have to get ready for defense, if that thing follows us…”

“It wont, we are in shallow waters full of rocks and look at that thing, it is like a giant squid; if it was more like a giant octopus then yes, we would be screwed, those things can squirm and squeeze almost through everything, but squids are not that versatile.”

And yes, they see the giant beast slowly retreating until it completely sinks back into the ocean.

“I can’t get any system online.”

“Of course not, the discharge I used against that beast to save us most have blown up all safety fuses, we need to reset the system to get back online, although something tells me that making this ship seaworthy again is beyond our current resources.”

“Damn, so what should we do now?”

“What we came to do, find out how this breach works and how we can close it; we can’t have things like that kraken spill into our world, now let me ARRGH, STUPID FOOT! I believe we are going to have to stay on this ship some days until I fix my foot, fortunately, it doesn’t seem to be broken, but it is definitely swelling, I need your help with my boot. NO; DON’T PULL IT! You are going to have to cut it, tomorrow with more light we will evaluate the damages.”

7

“OK Uncle, why did he have to leave the ship in such a hurry? I was having some really wonderful dreams.”

“I bet you were, I suppose you didn’t notice the sirens, didn’t you?”

“Sirens?”

“Mermaids, fortunately they were too far away for their songs to have a full effect on us, otherwise we would be swimming towards them right now, into their arms and then into their stomachs. They are not trustworthy, trust me, I know about them, but once we touch land we will be safe.”

They reach land and pull and hide their boat under some big fern like plants.

“We need to find a safe place to make camp, as inland as we can.” Ford tells Dipper.

“And I am going to have to carry all this stuff?”

“Sorry kid, as you can see I am in no condition to help you.”

Ford’s ankle is thrice the size it should be and a very unhealthy looking deep shade of purple.

“Do you need another dose of Hydrocodone?”

“Yes, yes, I could definitely use that.”

8

It takes them all day to get just a mile inland; the terrain is rough, the load is heavy and uncle Ford can only walk a few paces per minute.

“We need to find something to eat, we can’t depend on our rations.”

“Do you think it will be safe to eat something from this place?”

“Look around, it looks like the breach has opened and closed plenty of times before and plenty of things from our world managed to slip into this place; the seagulls look like our seagulls and I bet plenty of fish have managed to slip here too. And the palm trees at the beach look like a species found in the tropical Pacific.”

“Oregon is anything but tropical.”

“Yes, but coconut seeds float, some surely made it here, we can eat coconuts and seagulls at least, and probably we can eat what the seagulls are eating too.”

“That bush there has berries.” Dipper says and walks towards it. He picks some berries and places them in a little square machine he has.

“Hmmh, not edible raw, but I bet we could break these long carbohydrate chains and deactivate these bitter looking compounds through cooking.”

“See? we can eat seagull with coconut and berry jam until we finish the mission.”

“Sure, but right now I am not going to hunt a seagull or pick up some coconuts, I am exhausted.”

“Then let’s try some protein bar with berries.”

So they cook some berries.

“They taste like a mixture of cranberries and raspberries, maybe we should call them… cran-berries? No, maybe rasp…”

“Raspberries, Dipper?”

“No, something like raspcrans or cranrasps.”

“Let's just call them berries for the moment.”

“Sounds like the better option, grunkle.”

“Yes, yes, now go to sleep, I will take the first watch.”

“I am not tired yet, I will walk a little in that direction to see how rough the terrain is, are you sure we need to go in that direction?”

“Yes, whatever is causing the breaches must require an insane source of energy, and all readings point to a massive accumulation of power in that direction.”

“Good, I will be back in half an hour.”

“Wristbands synchronized?”

“Yes, I am getting your readings, are you getting mine?”

“Yes.”

“Then I will be back soon.” Dipper says and walks away. The vegetation around him is exuberant but at least looks like Earthly vegetation; he doesn’t like monsters but strange plants and bugs he hates; you never know which one is toxic, venomous and/or poisonous so he tries to avoid anything with leaves or multiple legs.

Dipper hears some noise to his right and he stands still; it sounded like a large creature. Slowly, he draws his freezing gun and removes the safety.

“Dipper, your pulse is gone way up.” He hears through his earphone.

“Shh, I believe something is stalking me.”

“Put on the spectral goggles.”

Dippers puts on the goggles and…. nothing.

“There is nothing here, so it was probably my imagination or whatever was stalking me has left. I think I am going back to the cam…”

Dipper can’t finish the sentence because something heavy falls from the tree above him and hits him, throwing him to the ground. He tries to move but feels the cold, sharp blade of a knife pressing against his throat. There is something on top of him, someone. Dipper’s gun is pointing straight at the assailant's belly, but at this distance it will freeze both of them and probably not fast enough to prevent his enemy from slashing his throat. Dipper looks up and what he sees leaves him in shock.

“Wendy, Wendy Corduroy?”

No, it is not Wendy but in the dim light of dusk he can be forgiven for mistaking his assailant for his old friend, for the young woman on top of him is a lanky girl with reddish - strawberry blonde hair, but where Wendy’s eyes are green his assailant’s are crystalline blue, also her face is more rounded and has plenty more freckles than his friend’s. She is wearing animal pelts for clothes and leather sandals on her feet complete her outfit.

“What, what did you say? You speak English?” The girl asks with a clear voice.

“Yes, I am human, from Earth, planet Earth.”

“Earth?”

“Yes, yes, California.”

The girl starts to pull the knife from Dipper’s throat but then she notices the gun and presses the blade to Dipper’s throat again.

“No, no, wait, wait.” Dipper says and throws the gun away.

“I mean you no harm, my name is Mason Pines, who are you?”

“My name is Alana, Alana McIntosh.”

The girl slowly stands up, and Dipper imitates her.

“Dipper, Dipper, are you OK?” His uncle calls through the communicator.

“Yes uncle, I met someone, she doesn’t seem to be our enemy.”

“Whom are you talking with?” The girl asks.

“My great- uncle.”

“Oh, you have one of those headphone things?”

“Yes, I have one of those headphone things, please come with me, we have a camp a hundred meters from here.”

“Meters?”

“About a hundred yards.”

“How do I know I can trust you?”

“I don’t know, if you had the gun would that make you feel safer?”

“No, no, I will follow you, go ahead.”

Dipper picks up his pistol and they walk back to the camp; as Dipper emerges from the forest he sees his uncle leaning on the floor holding the plasma rifle.

“Dipper, is that you?”

“Relax Grunkle, it is me. Alana, please come meet my uncle Ford…. Alana?”

A voice answers him from behind the treeline.

“You lied to me, you told me you were named Mason.”

“I am Mason, Dipper is just a nickname; uncle, put the gun down please.”

Cautiously, Alana approaches them.

“Alana, this is my great Uncle Stanford Pines, I am Mason Pines but my friends call me Dipper.”

“Dipper, why Dipper?”

“Do you know the constellations? The big dipper, little dipper?”

“No.”

Dipper moves the hair covering his forehead and shows it to Elena.

“Oh, the plough.” She says with a smile.

“Yes, the plough. Now these stars are known as the dipper in America.”

“I see the resemblance, but the plough sounds better to me.”

“Lady, nice to meet you, but forgive me if I am not as trusty as my grand-nephew, so, what is your tale, exactly?”

9

“My family immigrated to America in 1812.”

“Wait, 1812?” Ford asks.

“Yes, 1812.”

“And you were born?”

“1842.”

“1842?”

“Yes.”

“That makes you 177 years old.”

“That old?”

“Yes.”

“In this place the days last longer than on Earth, there are no seasons and the stars and the moon never change, so after some time I stopped counting the days of my stay here. I knew I have been here longer than a lifetime, but not this long.”

“Is there someone else here with you?”Dipper asks.

“No, I have always been alone.”

“Alana, I am sorry for you, but you don’t need to stay here any longer, we can go back to Earth now, we can, can’t we Uncle Ford?”

“Yes we can, I have a beacon with me, a dimensional beacon; it can pinpoint our home dimension from any place in the multiverse, we just need to be close to whatever is powering this breach and from there we can make it send us home.”

“Home?”

“Yes girl, home.”

“I don’t know if I can go home, what is there for me?”

“What is here for you?” Dipper asks.

The girl remains silent for some seconds and then says.

“Nothing, just loneliness.”

“Then come with us, help us get to whatever is powering the breach into our world and let’s go back together to good old Earth, can you get us there?”

“What are you looking for exactly?”

“A place where the natural laws of time and space are not working correctly.” Ford answers.

“Yes, there is a place like that but it won’t be easy getting there, the place is surrounded by a thick fog that distorts time; one morning I was close to it when the demon pigs attacked me and I could do nothing but run into the fog; I was there for a couple of minutes but by the time I left it was already dark and my fire was long consumed. I went again into the fog the next day, I spent a long time in it but when I left it my fire was still burning strong as if I had only been gone for a couple of minutes, you can never be sure of time inside that mist.”

“Excuse me lady, but the way you talk and how you express yourself doesn’t seem like that of someone from the 19th century.” Ford comments.

“That is because I have been watching television, learning everything I can from it.”

“What do you mean by television?”

“Television, that is how you call the big box that shows images through a window, don’t you?”

“Yes, but how have you been doing that here?”

“Some years ago an abandoned boat got stranded here and there was a television set inside. Initially I didn’t know what it was for but after some time I figured out how it worked and from time to time it picked up signals from our world, that is until it stopped working some years ago.”

“And exactly, where were you plugging that television?”

“Plugging?”

“Yes, it has a cable that needs to be plugged into a socket to draw power, otherwise a television shouldn’t work.”

“It has a cable, but I never knew what it was for.”

Dipper grabs his phone and inspects it.

“Uncle Ford, I haven’t charged my phone at all this day and the charge is still at 100%.”

Ford draws his phone and checks it.

“Mine too, and not only hasn't lost charge but the battery was half full yesterday and now is at 100%. It seems like there is some sort of energy around us that somehow finds its way to electric devices.”

“The TV probably stopped working when the signal was changed to digital.” Dipper says.

“Can you fix it? I miss my old shows.”

“Sorry, you now need a new set.” Ford answers Alana.

“We have one in the ship.” Dipper says.

“You have a ship?”

“Yes, well, had, the kraken ruined it.”

“What is a kraken?”

“A giant sea monster with many tentacles.”

“Oh, that… you survived that monster?”

“Yes we did, our ship didn’t.”

“A shame, it would have been easier to sail to the crystal mountain.”

“What is the crystal mountain?”

“Where you want to go, a mountain that seems to be made of multi colored glass; from time to time it shines very brightly, and even from the distance you can see images of other worlds appearing on its surface.”

“That sounds like the place we need to go.” Ford says.

“Then we should better start moving, the fog around it is getting darker by the minute, it has happened before, and if we don’t reach it soon you are going to have to wait at least 180 days until it gets clearer and lets us in again.”

“180 days! We can’t wait all that time!”

“Then you better start moving, for it is a four day journey to that place, and that at a brisk pace.”

“But I can’t go now, not with my ankle as it is; Dipper, you are going to have to go alone; I will send the instructions of what to do to your phone.”

“Uncle, I can’t leave you alone.”

“Dipper, we can’t wait all that time, if I know my brother and Mabel well they are going to be charging into this place as soon as it is obvious we are not coming back soon, and we don’t need them here to complicate things. I don’t want them to face that kraken or the mermaids, we are alive because the Stan-o-war was prepared to fight monsters, where will they get a ship like that?”

“But uncle!”

“Dipper, this is no time for discussion, you need to leave now.”

“But…”

“No buts, I will be ok; I have food, medicines and a berry bush close by.”

“But what if you are attacked?”

“I have my freezing gun and I will keep some of the other guns, but you are right, we need to know the dangers lurking in the forest…. Alana.”

“Yes Mister.”

“Do you have night creatures here, monsters that not only can’t stand sunlight but are also destroyed by it?”

“No.”

“Ethereal nightmares, creatures that attack your mind and eat your sanity away?”

“What? no we don’t have any of those either.”

“Shape shifting beings capable of taking any form and using it to approach you undetected?”

“No, what kind of places have you been to to meet such beasts?”

“Earth, believe it or not. So, there doesn’t seem to be dangerous supernatural fauna here, so what kind of dangerous beasts can we encounter on this land?”

“We have huge eagles who dive into their prey and crush their skulls with their talons, big black cats powerful enough to kill a person, swarms of hornets as big as your hand who can kill you with just a couple of stings, every single snake in this place is poisonous and half the bugs too and there are the demon pigs, as big as a bull with mouths powerful and big enough to cut a person in two and the monkeys, never attack a monkey unless you are ready to deal with a pack of them with fangs as long as your middle finger.”

“Maybe we should use the inflatable boat better.” Dipper says.

“No, a large ship would be safe but in a little boat you risk an encounter with a wolf seal or worse, the mermaids.” Alana tells them.

“OK, with that information, what gun do you recommend I take, uncle Ford?”

“You don’t need guns, I will protect you.” Alana tells Dipper.

“You?”

“I have survived 157 years here on my own, believe me when I say I can protect you.”

“Dipper, speed is what’s important now, take only water, food, the freezing pistol and your survival gear, leave the big guns behind.”

“Uncle, and what if there is something protecting the breach? There is always something protecting the big things.”

“The lightest energy gun weighs 8 kilos, are you sure you want to carry that weight?”

“I can take the shotgun.”

“All the ammo for that gun is designed for taking down supernatural creatures, no, you better travel light.”

“Fine, we will leave tomorrow morning.”

“We better go now, the ants like to march in the morning, if we leave now we will be able to spend the night far from their marching routes, otherwise we will need to wait 3 hours tomorrow.”

“When we asked you about dangerous critters you never mentioned ants.” Ford questions her.

“I forgot about them because they only eat plants, but if you get in their way they won't hesitate to bite and they are as big as my thumb and very, very numerous; everyday they go from their nests to their feeding grounds 10 miles away and their numbers fill all the way with a 50 yard wide army.”

“OK, we will go now, Uncle Ford, be careful and don’t worry, we will be back.”

“Relax, when you leave the fog I am going to be waiting for you outside. Now leave, and Dipper, do not close the breach yet unless you want us to spend the rest of our lives here. If my theories are correct, with the instructions I gave you you will be in control not only of the breach but also of the time distorting fog.”

“Cool uncle, and don’t worry, we are not going to fail.”

“I know, now go.”

10

“That was months ago and I haven’t heard from Dipper or Alana ever since.”

“Wait, you let Dipper go alone with an unknown, centuries old woman into a forest full of murder creatures? What were you thinking! What if she was a vampire or a demon or, or a shapeshifter?”

“I know Mabel, I know, probably the painkillers clouded my judgement; I am not the kind of person who trusts people, much less immortal strangers.”

“Damn it, can’t you track him with your wrist thing?”

“Yes, I tracked him when my ankle got better.”

“And?”

“Nothing.”

“Did you search for him around the crystal mountain? Did you go into the fog?”

“Mabel, there is no crystal mountain and no fog. We are on an island maybe 150 km long and 40 wide at its widest point, I know, I have walked all of it and there is nothing even remotely similar to what Alana described, she tricked us and took Dipper for her own purposes.”

“Damn it uncle, what now?”

“I have been taking proper note of time and we have two days to leave this place unless we want to be trapped here for another six or seven months and I believe you should leave; I will stay until I discover what happened to Dipper.”

“Just leave, without Dipper and you? Who do you think we are?” Stan asks.

“Sane people.”

“Sane people? Do you even know us?”

“Brother, I know you are not the kind of person who runs away from danger or leaves people behind but think of the girls, do you really want to let Mabel’s mother believe she has lost her other child?”

“Mr. Pines, you take the girls out of here, I will stay with Ford.”

They all look at Wendy: with the shotgun hanging from her shoulder, two bandoliers full of shells crossing her chest, her knife on the right hip, canteen on the left one, axe on her right hand and a backpack on her left she looks ready for anything life can throw at her.

“Wendy, you can’t, what about college?”

“I was about to drop out anyway.”

“Drop out, why?” Mabel asks.

“Because I can’t afford it! College, even at a public University is expensive, life in the city is expensive and even working two odd jobs I was always coming short of money and I am not going to ask for a loan that I can never pay.”

“Wendy, I didn’t know.”

“It is OK Mabel, it is not like I was expecting much from life anyway. You and Pacifica go back to Oregon, I will stay here with Mr. Ford and search for Dipper; I promise you the next time we see each other Dipper will be with us or…”

“Or what?”

“Or he will be avenged. Now, are we ready Mr. Ford?”

“No, I never said you can come with me.”

“Well, I am, even if you don’t like it, so where shall we start to look?”

“Ship.”

“Your ship?”

“No, ship, look!”

They all look at the sea and watch a large ship approaching the shore.

“It is a large ship, probably 90 meters long and flies the American flag but I don’t recognize what type of vessel it is. People, it seems like you were being followed.”

“Impossible Ford, I constantly checked for other ships or planes in our proximity; if we were being followed it was by a high flying plane or a satellite, but I don’t know why someone would want to follow us in the first place.”

“Stan, you were either being followed or your ship has a tracking device, and where did you get such a nice ship?”

They all turn to see Pacifica.

“It is from my University.”

“And why would your University loan you such a ship?”

Pacifica tells them everything, from the meeting with the Dean to her encounter with Powers and Trigger.

“And you thought it was a good idea to keep all that info to yourself?” Ford asks her.

“I am sorry Mr. Pines, I thought I was helping you!”

“Helping me or helping you?”

Pacifica hesitates, even though she wanted to help the Pines she also wanted to impress her teachers.

“So, you didn’t look for me because you missed us?” Mabel asks.

“Please Mabel, she is a Northwest, since when has a Northwest done anything that isn’t for their own benefit?” Wendy says.

“Pacifica, I trusted you.”

“Mabel, I… yes, maybe I kept things from you, but I am not here for my own gain, as a matter of fact Powers and Trigger wanted to arrest your uncle or kidnap him or something like that but I said no.”

“Oh, such abnegation and integrity!” Wendy says, and then asks:

“If not for your own career advancement, why are you here then?”

“Because you saved the town and my parents, that is why! I don’t like you that much, that is no secret, Mabel talks too much, asks too many questions and has only two speeds: asleep and 200 mph; Wendy, Wendy has never liked me, the time I spent waitressing at Susan’s was hell whenever she was there: Pacifica, more coffee, Pacifica, more sugar, Pacifica, my waffles are cold, Pacifica, the Maple syrup is cold, the napkins are cold! And you Mr. Pines, wasn’t Bill interested in our dimension because of you? Weren’t you the one who pointed him in our direction? You saved us only after you endangered us, the very thing Mabel accuses me of doing!”

“If you don’t like us, why help us then?”

“Because I care for Dipper.” Pacifica says, too quiet for everybody to hear.

“What did you say?” Wendy asks.

“Because I care for Dipper.”

“For my brother? Why?” Mabel asks.

“Because he is the only one who has ever had trust in me, the only person who believed that I was more than a spoiled Northwest! It is because of him that I found the courage to stand up to my parents, the one who taught me that looks are not that important, the one who got me interested in science and astronomy, and guess what? I like science and I love astronomy! I don’t care if people think I am a nerd, me Pacifica Northwest, a nerd, can you believe it? I am a nerd and I don’t care! And all because a dorky 12 year old had faith in me seven years ago… I know you believe I am just a bratty rich kid but I do care for Dipper and I do care for the people Dipper cares for and that is you; I owe Dipper a lot and I always pay my debts. I am sorry if I have made a mess of this rescue mission, I thought that whatever the price for the boat was I could pay it somehow, I never expected a fucking warship to come looking for us.”

Mabel approaches Pacifica and gives her a hug.

“So you think I am annoying?”

“Like a pointy, irregular pebble inside my shoe. A big one.”

“You know I have always found it hard to tolerate your rich girl snobbism and manners, don’t you?”

“Then why are you always so friendly?”

“I don’t know.”

“You should get angry sometimes.”

“I know, but not now, come on, let’s go.”

“Wait, are we taking her with us?” Wendy asks.

“We can’t leave her here, can we?”

“She can go to her friends on that ship.”

“They are not my friends and I don’t want to go with them.”

“Maybe they are good people, or they ended up here by accident, or maybe they won't find us, this bay is well hidden.” Mabel says when a voice comes out of the ship’s loudspeakers.

“Mr. Stanford and Mr. Stanley Pines, we are here to arrest you under charges of developing and using forbidden, life threatening technology, for illegally introducing deadly interdimensional beings into our world, for fraud, tax evasion and forgery, and that is just the beginning of the list of charges we have against you…”

“...and for erasing our minds!”

“And for erasing the minds of agents Powers, Trigger and a score more.”

“OK, they are not friendly.” Mabel says.

“That voice, that is professor Townsend.” Pacifica says.

“We are reasonable people and are willing to negotiate the terms of your surrender, but it would really help you to send Miss. Northwest to us this very moment.”

“See, they are her friends.”

“Wendy, not now.”

“Well your boat definitely has a tracking device, it is lost to us and I don’t believe those people will care for Dipper’s fate, so if we are going to move we need to do it now; brother, how is your leg?”

“Well, it was immobilized for three months and is still not as strong as it used to be, but it is fully healed and it will work, how about your ankle?”

“Didn’t you hear I have already walked the whole length of the island?”

“Yes, but you were talking about kilometers and you know I am not good with the metric system.”

“It is healed, so let’s get moving, there is a cave 10 kilometers north of here where we can hide.”

“Kilometers again Ford?”

“About 6.2 miles.” Pacifica says.

“OK, I understand that, let’s go.”

As they are walking Mabel asks.

“Grunkle Ford, do you believe they are already following us?”

“They must be getting ready to send some boats to land right now.”

“Do you think we will find Dipper?”

“We can only hope.”

“Oh, Dipper, where are you?”

11

“Alana, have you truly been here all this time?”

“Yes I have.”

“Then how you don’t look old? You look about my same age yet are older than any other human being I know, well, almost any other human being I know.”

“I don’t know, as I told you time moves differently here and I spent lots of time inside the fog, maybe that helped, it is that or the food or water. Once I kept a beetle in a little box and it died within days without food while another one I kept well fed lived for three years until I got bored and released it but that experiment is inconclusive since I didn’t have any food not from this island and didn’t know the age of the individual beetles or how long they normally live.”

“And you haven’t encountered any sign of a local civilisation? How far have you traveled?”

“Mason, we are on an island.”

“An Island, how big?”

“Not that big but the terrain is rough and uneven; it takes me seven days to cross it from tip to tip.”

“Are there more islands close?”

“I don’t know, since I arrived here I have never left the island.”

“And how did you end up here?”

“I was sailing along the coast with my husband when a sudden storm sent us off course. When I reached this island my man no longer was with me on the boat.”

“I am sorry for your loss. So you have survived here alone all this time, without contact with the human world for almost 160 years, you are very impressive.”

“Thanks, in my mind I always knew I would be able to get out of this place someday, somehow and that thought gave me hope and don’t touch that plant unless you find scratching your skin until it peels off attractive.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“We are almost at my place, just some minutes more.”

After about 15 minutes more they reach a hill and climb it through a narrow pathway. About 40 meters above ground Alana moves close to a wall and removes some bushes revealing a door. She tells Dipper to come inside and then follows him. There are animal skins on the ground, some salvaged furniture from different eras and the walls are all decorated with carvings and paintings, beautiful and intricate.

“You made all these?”

“Yes, I had lots of free time to spend. Here is my TV.”

Dipper sees the tv; it is an old model, probably mid seventies. He turns it on and the screen jumps to life, but only snow is visible.

“My old tv set, I learned so much from it.”

Dipper looks at the power cable and yes, it is unplugged.

“Where did you find this set?”

“I told you, in a boat that crashed on the island, and let me show you something else I found.”

Alana walks to a large, like really large piece of luggage and opens it.

“According to a newspaper I found on the boat, I have had this since 1982, do you think they are still worth something?”

The case is full of bundles of 100 dollar bills.

“Yes, they are still legal tender; this is a lot of money Alana.”

“I kept it in case I could find my way home someday.”

“Well, this money will surely help you a lot back on Earth.”

“I am happy to know that, but I would give you all that money gladly if you could fix my TV, can you do it?”

“Your tv is working fine, it is the images that are being sent to it that are no longer compatible with the device.”

“And can you fix that?”

“No, you need another type of device or to convince a broadcaster to switch back to the old analog standard.”

“I didn’t understand what you said except that the problem is unfixable.”

“I am sorry, but look, I have my phone and I downloaded some movies and shows before the trip, want to see one?”

“Sure!”

Dipper gives her his phone and puts on an episode of a show.

“Oh, it is a mini tv! The image is in color, it is so pretty!”

Alana sits and looks at the screen with intense eagerness, as if she wants to absorb everything being displayed

“Look at the cars, and the clothes of the people, and there is a supermarket; I really want to visit one one day.”

“And you will in some days, you will see.”

“Yes, back on Earth.” Alana says. Dipper looks at her and has to admit that, even dressed in rags and smelling like she has never met soap in her whole life Alana is very pretty; she is as tall as Wendy, with long strawberry blonde hair. Her eyes are blue unlike Wendy’s green and they remind him of other eyes he once saw. She is very thin but that is probably a consequence of her situation, and her smile is the kind that can effortlessly light up even the darkest mood. Watching her absort on the phone he can’t avoid comparing her to a kid, which is odd since she is probably the oldest human alive; sure, Quentin and some monks he has met were born before her, but they were either frozen in peanut brittle for decades or in ultra deep meditation while Alana has lived every day of those years, or at least most of them.

“It is getting dark, you can go to sleep, I will take the first watch.”

“Mason, we are safe here, I have slept in this cave for decades without someone watching over me, we are going to be fine but I understand that you are tired, so let’s have dinner first and then we can sleep; I have some fruit and I roasted some seawater soaked ants this morning.”

The fruit ends up being ripe, plump mangoes and the ants taste like shrimp with a slight bitter aftertaste.

“Do you think the food here is responsible for your longevity?” Dipper asks.

“I don’t know, but my grandma said that you can’t eat food from the fairy realm without consequences, maybe that consequence is eternal youth. Of course, I have never met a fairy and the creatures of this island look anything but fairy pretty, so I don’t know; let’s sleep now, we will wake before sunbreak and we have a long, tiring day ahead of us. If you are thirsty I have water in those bottles, I will watch another show on your miniature tv and then I will join you to sleep.”

Next day Dipper wakes up with the sounds of the waking jungle. He looks around but doesn’t see Alana.

“Alana, where are you?” Dipper asks.

“Here, just getting ready.” She answers as she walks out from the bottom of the cave and Dipper’s jaw almost drops to the floor when he sees her: she is wearing hot pants and a tight blouse. Underneath the blouse he can see the outline of a red bikini top.

“So, what do you think, do I look like a modern girl? I found these clothes in the same boat I found the television set.

Well, she doesn’t look that modern, her legs are quite on the hairy side and those clothes have been out of fashion for decades but Dipper can’t understand why: Alana looks beautiful in them. Yes, her thinnes is made more obvious wearing those clothes but she still looks better than most women he has ever met.

“You look great, but are those sensible clothes for a field excursion?”

20 minutes later he has his answer.

“Damn these things your women use to hold their breasts, they do no holding at all! A piece of cloth wrapped around me would do a better job.” Alana says and then Dipper has to wait behind a tree while Alana does just that.

“Better, now let’s continue, I want to cross the river before noon.” Alana says.

They walk for another hour when a foul odor invades the air.

“Damn, a monkey group is close, let’s try to walk around them.” Alana informs Dipper.

“Will they attack us?”

“With deadly intent? No unless we attack them first, but if we bother them they will certainly defecate on us, and that shit leaves you stinking for days.”

So they move to the right until the monkey smell vanishes and then move again in their original direction. Minutes later they reach a river, maybe 30 meters wide but only three feet deep at most.

As they are halfway across it Alana suddenly dives down and disappears.

“Alana, are you OK?” Dipper shouts just as Alana reemerges.

“Ah, I needed this! Come on, you should freshen up yourself now that we can.” She says.

“I am fine.” Dipper says but Alana is already throwing water at him.

“Hey, watch out, I am trying to at least keep my upper body dry.” Dipper says but suddenly the floor under him disappears as he sinks completely in a deeper pool. As he emerges he can see Alana falling down unable to control her laughter.

“You find this funny?” Dipper asks.

“Yes!” she answers back while she keeps laughing and laughing and laughing.

“Are you finished?”

“Yes, yes.” Alana says and then she bursts into laughter again.

“Sorry, sorry, it is just that I hadn’t laughed in such a long time that I don’t know how to stop now.” Alana says and then laughs again. Dipper, who was starting to be annoyed is suddenly hit with the realization that Alana has not only been alone for a hard to grasp amount of time but she is also from another era, an era long gone, she must have experienced a loneliness so intense it is almost impossible to comprehend, so he eats his pride and says.

“I am glad I made you laugh.”

Alana stops laughing, looks at Dipper and then smiles at him.

“I am glad you did.”

12

“BOOM!”

The gang looks back; it is getting dark and sudden flashes intermittently illuminate the sea.

“Whoa, it seems like that ship was packing a big gun! and those smaller blasts are 0.50 cal machine guns, which tell us that the Kraken has finally made its appearance.”

“Do you think the Kraken can sink their ship?”

“Mabel, that ship weighs thousands of tons and judging by the sounds of those blasts it must have at least a 57 mm main gun, I don’t think the Kraken stands a chance. Can you hear the silence now? I am sure the Kraken has just decided that steel, lead and gunpowder are not good ingredients to include in its diet. At least I hope the beast took care of their helicopter.”

“Do you think they are pursuing us?”

“Yes I think so, so let's keep moving, I know a place where we can spend the night.”

As Ford says that they hear a whirring noise above them.

“Damn it, they have drones! If those drones have infrared capabilities we are lost!”

A gun goes off and they see the drone slowly fall and get lost into the forest.

“Wendy, you have just told them where we are!”

“That thing already told them, it was much better for us to get rid of it.”

“Maybe you are right, but now we need to move even faster!”

You are a fit girl, very fit, you go to the gym three times a week, you do pilates and yoga, you are fit, you can do it, Pacifica tells herself. Of course, the gym she attends has nice AC and free cold herbal tea while here it is hot as hell, humidity seems to be at 150%, she is carrying a heavy backpack and her new boots have just given her a big blister on her left foot, but damn if she is going to show weakness in front of the Pines and much less to Miss Jane Rambo Corduroy so she soldiers on. Half an hour later they reach a shallow river but before they cross it Ford Pines attaches a little gizmo to a tree.

“Those following us are in for a very nasty surprise.” He says as he jumps into the river. The river is not that deep but now Pacifica has to add soggy pants to her list of woes. They all fill up their water bottles and keep walking until the night is too dark to move safely without turning on a source of artificial light.

“Just a minute more.” Ford announces and two minutes later they enter a small cave. Calling it a cave might be generous, it is a hole on a hill maybe six meters deep and three meters wide, but it allows them to use a light without being detected. Pacifica sits on the floor and looks around; Wendy and Ford look as if they have just taken a walk in the park, but Stanley is on the floor massaging his leg while Mabel is trying to catch her breath, they don’t look that good so it surprises her when they both ask her.

“Pacifica, are you OK?”

“What? Yes, yes, I am OK.”

“You look awfully pale, and you might believe you were hiding it, but I noticed a small limp while you walked.”

“I am fine Mr. Pines, it is just a little blister.”

“Really? let me check that.” Wendy tells her.

Pacifica doesn’t feel like letting Wendy chek her feet, but she finds herself too tired to oppose any resistance.

“Well, yes, there is a bad blister in there, already popped, we need to disinfect and bandage it, we can’t let you drag us back.”

“Drag you back? I can keep up with any of you! I just need to eat something, drink some water and pee and I am going to be like new.”

“Why didn’t you pee in the river?”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I did.”

“Wait, in your pants?”

“Sure, the water was going to carry everything away anyway.”

“You really did that?”

“I did that too.” Ford Pines says.

Great, now she is not only competing with Jane Rambo Corduroy but also with Indiana Pines.

“Wait, you peed? I filled my water bottle there!”

“Don’t worry, you were behind us, not downstream from us, your water is fine.”

“Mabel, did you also...?” Pacifica asks.

“NO! So I am going to need to go to the bathroom soon, so we can go together then.”

Pacifica almost screams when Wendy applies some liquid to her feet.

“Don’t be a crybaby, it is just some disinfectant.” She says, but the smile on her face tells Pacifica that she is enjoying things a little too much.

“Everybody remove their boots, I don’t want anybody to get trench feet, but keep your boots close and ready, now, who wants to eat something?” Ford asks.

They all want and soon they are all enjoying some tasty protein bars.

“These things taste like sawdust and trust me, I know how sawdust tastes.” Wendy says as she bites and chews half a bar.

“Mr. Ford, what is the plan now?” Pacifica asks.

“The same, to find Dipper.”

“And then what?”

“Then we return to our world.”

“But how, we have no ship now!”

“There is something causing the breaches here, maybe not a crystal mountain but there is something, we need to get control of it, find the beacon I gave Dipper and with it and the power native to this island we can make our own breach and return to our world before those gonzos following us can stop us or get control of that energy.”

“You can go to your new friends if so you want.” Wendy tells Pacifica.

“Wendy, come on, stop it.” Mabel says.

“Well, she is the cause we are now being followed by a bunch of people with bad intentions, why should she stay with us?”

“Because she knows too much.” Ford Pines says.

“And because I don’t believe she is bad, and neither did Dipper.” Mabel adds.

“Did Dipper ever say that?”

“Yes Wendy, he did.”

“He was always so naive.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me, miss Rambo.” Pacifica says, sounding really annoyed.

“No, certainly we would not be trapped in this cave, but even without you I would have come to save Dipper and Ford and…”

“ENOUGH! Wendy, we need to be a team here, all together and not to attack each other! I don’t believe Pacifica wanted us to be hunted down by the government when she accepted the boat, and maybe we would have been able to get a boat without her but not to decipher Ford’s diagram, so no, without her we wouldn’t be here.”

“So, we are stuck with her.”

“Yes Wendy, we are, I don’t believe she is that bad, she was willing to help us just because she likes Dipper.”

“Because he was kind to me, that is all.”

“Because he was kind to her, see? She is willing to go to an alternate dimension for someone who was just kind to her, she is not that bad.”

“Well, now that you put it like that, maybe I was overreacting.”

“Sure, and think of this, if things go really bad, she will make a terrific hostage.”

“WHAT!”

“Just kidding Paz, now, do you still want to go peeing? Because I do.”

“Sure, but don’t talk, I like to do my peeing in silence.”

13

“Mason, we are almost there, tomorrow morning we will reach the fog.”

“Great, I am really worried for my uncle Ford, I hope he is OK. As we are getting close to your crystal mountain my communicator seems to not be working that well.”

“I am sure your uncle is fine, don’t worry, let’s…”

Alana suddenly stops. Some 100 yards in front of them are three large beasts as big as a bull, with long enormous mean looking snouts.

“Wow, those look like entelodonts.” Dipper says.

“Shh, no noise please, let’s move back before our scent betrays us. We are on open ground and those things can run really fast.”

“We mean them no harm, if we leave them alone maybe…”

“Those things are predators, and we are the perfect size for a quick meal. Those hogs are young so they don’t know me yet so they won't hesitate to attack us.”

That moment the beast closer to them raises its head and starts sniffing the air.

“Run, Mason, RUN!”

Alana starts running and Dipper follows her closely. The beasts run after them, looking ridiculous in their long thin legs until one of them opens its mouth showing a full set of enormous, evil looking teeth.

“Quickly Mason, up here!”

They climb a large, circular boulder some three meters tall just in time to avoid being mauled by one of the big creatures. Dipper draws his freezing gun, but does it too fast and the gun slips from his hand and falls at the feet of one of the beasts.

“Damn, I have just screwed up big time.”

The biggest of the pigs tries to climb onto the boulder but can’t find enough support and slips down, but as soon as he is on the ground he tries again.

“Eventually they will manage to get up here and when they do we are definitely going to need my gun, maybe if I jump when they are trying to climb I can retrieve it before they get us.”

“Too dangerous, you might manage to hit one of the hogs but the other two will be on you before you even start to turn your weapon on them, they are incredibly fast and agile for their size.”

“But we have no other choice.”

“Yes we do.” Alana says as she starts to palpate the rock in different places.

“Here, it is not very strong but it will be enough.” She says as she places one hand on one spot of the rock and raises her other hand. She closes her eyes for some seconds and…”

Energy crackles around her hand and a thunderbolt is expelled from her fingertips, hitting one of the hog's on the snout and sending him squealing back into the forest. A couple more blasts and the other beasts quickly follow their friend.

Dipper jumps down and retrieves his gun.

“Alana, that was amazing.”

“Let’s go Mason, we have lost valuable time. More beasts might be lurking close by, we need to be completely silent from now on.”

The rest of the day they walk silently until darkness falls and they decide to make camp. As Dipper is fixing his hammock he says to Alana.

“Alana, thank you for saving me.”

“Please, don’t mention it, it wasn’t that much of a thing, after all I was saving myself too.”

“No such a great thing? You were shooting lightning from your hands, that was awesome.”

“Awesome as in terrible?”

“No, no, as in great, admiration inspiring.”

“Oh, please, I know how these things end.”

“Excuse me?”

“Now you are going to believe I am a devil worshipping witch with demonic powers, it always happens.”

“Well, I am not an expert on the christian demon, but my uncle says that there are plenty of external evil forces trying to influence our world but he has yet to find any evidence of the biblical demon let’s not say interfering with our world but just plainly existing.”

“But you are going to find it shameful that you were saved by a woman.”

“Please, my sister has saved my life, my friend Pacifica saved my life twice and let’s not talk about Wendy, saving my life was a full time job for her for a while.”

“So, you don’t feel shamed?”

“I feel grateful.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“And you don’t fear me?”

“Why would I do that? You have been a great friend so far.”

“Mason, I am so eager to go back to this world of yours where men have learned to treat women with respect and don’t feel threatened by a powerful female.”

“Eh, about that, well, we have advanced a lot but you shouldn’t expect an utopia, you know.”

“So, it is only you who are enlightened, Mason?”

“Enlightened? No, no, I have just learned to value people for what they are and not to judge them without knowing their full history, that is all.”

“That is a fine thing to do, Mason, I don’t believe I could do that.”

“Ehh, it is not such a big thing, and please call me Dipper, all my friends call me Dipper.”

“But Dipper is such a childish sobriquet; Mason “The Plough” Pines sounds manlier, don’t you think? You should let that beard of yours grow, it shows great promise.” Alana has been getting closer to Dipper and she finishes her sentence mere inches away from his face.

“Mason, I am so lucky; decades and decades without meeting another human being and when I finally meet someone he happens to be a good man.”

Now her lips are almost touching his.

“Alana, you are married.”

“I was married 150 years ago, I am sure my certainly dead husband will not mind his wife having a little, very deserved fun.”

Dipper inhales deeply; the last days both of them have walked through the same forests, got stuck in the same mud and forded the same rivers so they are both similarly smelly, but there is something different now about Alana’s smell, now it is sweet and nice, almost intoxicating., and as her lips touch his Dipper finds himself reciprocating their intensity, their eagerness, their intention.

14

“Mabel, please go to sleep, I will tell you when your time to stand guard comes.”

“I can’t sleep uncle Ford, I can’t close my eyes without thinking about all the horrible things that woman might have done to Dipper.”

“There is no case in worrying now, it is of no help to either you or Dipper.”

“I know, but I can’t help it and…”

That moment a loud, repetitive sound like that of a car alarm starts to sound in the distance followed by horrible screams and the sound of gunshots.

“Damn, they are closer than I thought! Quick, everybody on your feet, our pursuers are moving even in the dark, we can’t do less than them!”

Everybody wakes up and is ready to follow Ford in less than a minute, even Pacifica.

“What happens?” She asks.

“I left an alarm triggered by a proximity sensor just by the river, close to the sleeping grounds of the monkeys, and those monkeys hate to be disturbed while they are resting.”

They head out into the darkness and walk for some 20 minutes when they hear the chop-chop of a helicopter over them. The machine hovers above ground some 100 meters away from them and they see mean looking soldiers sliding down ropes hanging from the chopper.

“Stupid Kraken, how could it miss such a large target? Well, nevermind, follow me!”

Everybody runs after Ford until they reach a deep gulch.

“Quick, through the bridge.”

There is a suspension breach joining the two sides of the gulch, wide enough for only one person.

“Is that bridge safe?” Wendy asks.

“Of course it is, I built it myself.” Ford answers.

When they are all at the other side of the bridge Ford walks to a stake on the floor holding a rope, pulls it and the whole bridge collapses behind them.

“Wait, was that thing all that was keeping the bridge secure?” Wendy asks.

“Yes, now let’s see how they jump the gulch.”

“They have a helicopter, Mr. Ford.”

“Let’s see where they find a place to land it first, now let’s go.”

“Mr. Ford, do you even have a plan for finding Dipper? It would be really soothing to know you have planned our return home thoroughly.” Pacfica asks as they all resume running.

“Yes, Miss Northwest, I am just going to the biggest source of dimensional interference that my sensors can detect.”

“And when we get there?”

“Then we’ll improvise, now we need to keep moving.”

“Brother, hold strong, we are coming for you!” Mabel says.

15

Dipper opens his eyes and finds Alana's head resting on his chest and he smiles; it was not his first time but it was the first time that actual, real sparks had flown and he starts thinking that getting stranded in this island for a century or two might not be a bad idea. It is still dark but a hint of dawn is already peeking on the horizon. Last day he walked for hours without rest, had to run from a trio of monster beasts and had to, ahem, perform two times and yet he feels rested and ready to, maybe, if he is lucky and she is willing to, perform again. Alana takes a deep breath and hugs him, but she doesn’t look ready to wake up just yet, she is in a deep slumber and Dipper tries to imagine the unfathomable loneliness she had been subjected to and fails to do so, her tragedy is almost impossible to comprehend. Well, if it depends on me I am not going to let her suffer anymore, Dipper thinks, and I am going to start making her happy by letting her sleep as much as she wants, after all, having her lying by my side feels nice, very, very nice.

“She must be solar.” Dipper thinks, for as soon as the first ray of sunlight lights the sky Alana opens her eyes and locks them with his.

“Good morning sunshine.” Dipper greets her, but she quickly averts his eyes.

“Anything wrong?”

“You must think I am an easy woman now, don’t you?”

“What, no, no...why would I do that?”

“What we did last night, it is something only married people should do and…”

“Shh, Alana, not in my time, the thing we did yesterday we did it as equals, what I gave you I gave of free will and with no strings attached and I feel extremely happy and honored that a woman as amazing as you wanted to be with me and I can only hope I gave you even a fraction of the happiness you gave me.”

“It was good, wasn’t it?”

“More than good.”

“And the sparks? what did you think about the sparks?”

“Those were new but nice too.”

“I didn’t know they would happen.”

“It puts a different meaning to the phrase “sparks flew between them.”

“What does that mean?”

“It is something people say when two people meet and they have an incredible attraction to each other.”

“Then I don’t get it.”

“What?”

“What new meaning of the phrase are you referring to.”

DIpper thinks about it for a moment and then says.

“You know, I believe this time the sparks meant what they were supposed to mean.”

“Sure they did, now come, let me show you something, give me your hand.”

Alana and Dipper get out of the hammock and crouch, Dipper gives Alana his hand and she places it on the ground.

“Can you feel it?”

“What should I feel?”

“This.” She says and places her hand on top of his and as she does he feels it, a current under the ground, a steady stream of power flowing under him, flowing under all.

Alana retrieves her hand but Dipper can still feel the energy beneath him, it is a vibration that somehow he identifies, instinctively recognizes as some sort of power.

“It took me decades to finally sense that power, but once you sense it you will always be able to find it.”

“I can still feel it, even without your hand.”

“That is my gift to you.”

Dipper’s eyes get lost inside hers, and will he dare to say it?

“Alana, I think I love you.”

16

Ford’s taser gun hums and that is all it takes for the giant beast to turn around and run from them as fast as it can.

“Hmm, those beasts are either too easy to scare or smarter than I thought they were.”

“Uncle Ford, look at those things, they are bigger than Waddles!”

“Considerably bigger I would say, Mabel.”

“Do you think we can…”

“No, we can’t take one with us.”

“What if we find a little one that was abandoned by its mother?”

“I find that unlikely and a really bad idea.”

“But Waddles sometimes feels lonely, he needs a friend.”

“He doesn’t need a friend big enough to view him as a snack and I don’t believe those things are domesticable or that they would make good pets.”

“And a monkey?”

“Mabel, isn’t a pig an odd enough pet for you?” I don’t think anything from this island would make a good pet.”

“Come on grunkle, a bug?”

“No, we are not bringing invasive species back to our world.”

“Please uncle, not all the animals here can be monsters.”

As Mabel says that a drone flies above them.

“Damn, won’t they ever give up?” Wendy says as she raises her shotgun, but before she can pull the trigger an enormous dark shape collides with the drone and sends it crashing against the ground. The giant eagle tries to taste the drone with its beak but surely finds it not too edible so it shakes its head in disgust and then turns its gaze to the humans. The bird observes the group as if studying it and then just spreads its wings and leaves.

“Holy, did you see the size of that thing?”

“Yes, it was enormous, probably close to 20 kilos.”

“English Ford.”

“44 pounds.”

“What? That thing looked like 100 pounds at least.”

“That would make it too heavy to take off from the ground as easily as it did, but a 44 pound eagle is an enormous eagle and a danger to us, from now on we will try to always walk under tree cover. People, we are now really close to the source of the dimensional interference, so from now on we need to be twice as careful as before, so keep your eyes open and steel your hearts, for we don’t know how the breach may appear to our eyes.”

They walk and walk until later in the afternoon they climb a hill and from it they can see their destination.

“I will be damned.” Ford says as his eyes meet the hugel crystalline formation standing in front of them surrounded by a thick black fog.

“So, there was a crystal mountain.” Mabel says.

“In my defense, it wasn’t here the last time I came to this place.”

“But that is great uncle, that means that that woman Alana was not lying to you, and if she was being honest maybe she didn’t betray Dipper, maybe she is indeed a good person and my brother and her are in that fog, out of phase with our time but still trying to get control of the breach, WAHOOO, GO BRO! GO…”

The large boulder in front of them suddenly splits open by its half and from it emerges a man holding an assault rifle and before they even think of reacting all big boulders around them open or unfold revealing a hidden soldier. Soon the little rescue group is surrounded by masked, armed men wearing black. The one who seems to be their leader grabs a radio and says.

“Agent Powers here, we have them.”

17

… and the mermaids are not that bad once you get to know them, but you better not be close to them when they get one of their feeding frenzies, when they are frenzied they know no friend from foe.”

“Will they attack you?” Dipper asks.

“They will eat you.”

“And their songs?”

“Those are the clearest signs that they are in a feeding frenzy.”

“Shame, their songs are beautiful.”

“For men, I can tell you as a woman that they fill me up with dread.”

“So, they affect men and women differently?”

“Yes they do, they want to lure men to them, but only men.”

“Why?”

“They say they are tastier.”

“So women are safe from them?”

“Oh no, they don’t eat women during a frenzy, they just kill them on the spot.”

“And what about their own males?”

“They are not very numerous, there must be like 10 females for every male and they are more easy going and polite, most of them eat mostly plants.”

“So the girls are the dangerous ones.” Dipper comments while thinking of Mermando.

“That is right.”

“Then better not to get close to them.”

“I know, but they have told me a way to stop their frenzies.”

“How, shooting them in the head?”

“Well, that would work, but there is a better way, a way to stop them all at once.”

“How?”

“You have to sing.”

“Sing, just like that?”

“Yes, but not any song, a song that has never been sung before.”

“So I just need to play them a song they have never heard and that is all?”

“No, not a song that they have never heard, a new song, a song no one has ever heard before and you need to really feel the song, to sing it from the heart if you want it to have the greatest effect.”

“And how would they know the song is a new song?”

“I ignore how but they know, so never try to fool them or their frenzy will get worse.”

“I see, how long do you think we have been walking in this fog?” Dipper asks.

“A day, six months, it doesn’t matter, the only thing that should matter to you is being ready to control the breach, are you sure you can do that?”

“Yes, uncle Ford’s instructions are very detailed and precise, I am sure I will be able to control the breach, especially since we can tap an infinite source of power and not worry about batteries.”

“I don’t know if it is infinite but at least is self renovating and… here we are.”

They step out of the fog and reach the base of the crystal mountain. Dipper can actually feel the power surrounding them without placing his hands on the ground.

“We need to secure these rods in the ground, and form a perimeter with this cable, now I am going to use this box to find the most likely location to open a breach to our world and I am going to need total concentration.”

“Don’t worry, I will see you work, but, do you think you can lend me your portable TV? I want to learn more about your world.”

“Our world, and here, take it.”

“Mason, the screen is black.”

“Press the small button on the right side.”

“It asks me for a password, what is that?”

“It is like a key, but not a physical key but a series of numbers and letters, let me write it for you. There, now you have access to my phone.”

“What are all these symbols?”

“They are called apps, each of them does a different thing, for example, this one has my images.”

“Your images?”

“Yes, look.”

“They are color images.”

“Yes, see, this is my sister Mabel, here are my mom and dad.”

“You have a farm!”

“What? No, just a little house in the city.”

“But you have a pig and I have to say it looks delicious, were you saving it for a fest?”

“A fest? Don’t let Mabel hear you say that, no, that pig is her pet.”

“She has a pet pig? But pigs are food!”

“Again, don’t let Mabel hear you say that.”

“I am back where we started.”

“Yes, that arrow you pressed sent you back to the last screen.”

“What is this symbol with a six-fingered hand and a number three?”

“That is a recreation I made of my old journal, the one I had when I was 12. My uncle Ford got rid of the journal but I secretly took some pictures of it and wrote some other parts from my memories of it, want to see it? It is full of weird stuff.”

“That would be great!.”

“Here, and remember, if you press the arrow you will return to the last screen, now I am going to work, have fun!”

Dipper grabs his pencil and paper, looks at the readings in the box and writes them down; he has always preferred to work with pen and paper if possible, and this time the calculations should be simple enough to do them by hand.

Dipper spends hours working until he finds the right place to put his equipment, thirty meters up the mountain. He sets the dimension access cube and surrounds an area with wire where he thinks opening a portal will be more feasible, a couple of meters from a large flat crystal slab pulsing with power.

“Alana, I think I know what to do, could you please lend me my phone to corroborate my calculations.”

There is no answer.

“Alana, are you hurt?”

“Yes I am, you traitor.” Alana says.

Dipper turns around just in time to see Alana’s hand bursting with energy touch his chest and then everything turns black.

18

“Damn it, how did you get here so fast?” Ford asks while he and the rest of his team are now in cuffs and surrounded by armed soldiers. Around them there is a camp with some 10 tents and two dozen soldiers or at least military looking people walking around looking evil.

“Mr. Pines, I assure you our equipment is as functional as yours, so we also detected the dimensional anomaly and we happen to have a helicopter.” Doctor Townsend answers him.

“Well, if your equipment is as top notch as you say, why haven’t you taken control of the breach?”

“It seems like we can’t enter this fog or fly above it so we are wondering if you can help us with that.”

“The fog is too dark now, it won’t let you in until it gets lighter in color.”

“And how do you know that?”

“An expert told me.”

“Who? This Alana woman? My people heard your niece say that an Alana and Mason Pines are already inside, is that correct?”

“I don’t have to answer that question.”

“That means I am correct, so we only have to wait for him to take control of the breach and then he will give it to us.”

“Why would my brother do something like that?”

“Because we have his sister, his beloved uncles and his friend in our power, that is why Miss Pines.”

“And what about me?” Pacifica asks.

“Miss Northwest, you are our guest not our prisoner.”

“Then why am I in cuffs?”

“Because there is a thing called Stockholm syndrome that we have to be sure you don’t have.”

“You are the ones who are going to have something, wait until my father learns of what you are doing here.”

“Miss Northwest, your father knows what we are doing here, as a matter of fact he is one of our sponsors.”

“My father, but how?”

“Well, it seems like being disfigured and then turned into a part of alien furniture by a demon made your father vow to never let anything like that happen to him ever again.”

“Wait, so he knew I was coming here?”

“Yes, he asked us to keep tabs on you and make sure nothing bad happens to your person.”

“But still, he knew I was coming to an unknown alien dimension and did nothing to dissuade me?”

“He says that since you like science so much you should be given the chance to live it. Now, don’t look so disappointed, I am sure your father would have told you everything when the time was right.”

“My family doesn’t have the kind of resources to bankroll this operation of yours.”

“He is only one of our sponsors and as governor of a state he has the power to sign things into existence, agreements and laws that can benefit us or our other sponsors; as such your father is a very valuable part of our team. Now, how long will it take for Mason Pines to get control of the breach Mr. Ford?”

“I don’t know, probably 100 years, that fog distorts time for the people who go inside it, he might be there for a century for all we know.”

“And that is why you were running here in such a hurry?” Hard to believe. Now the breach at the sea has already closed so our only way out is through here so we are not planning to move until your nephew comes out of this fog and hands us the keys to the breach.”

“We want to use the breach to get out of this place too and then close it, we have the same goals, we should work together.”

“Who says we want to close the breach Mr. Pines? Think about all the resources and knowledge we can get by having access to the multiverse.”

“Breaches are unstable by nature, they might last a million years or collapse and destroy a planet in an instant, you know that breach needs to be closed. Even if it is stable you don’t know what kind of creatures can use it to jump into our world.”

“That is why we need to control it.”

“Control can be wrestled away; we have been lucky that the breach has not accessed a universe populated with smart, dangerous beings but it might be just a matter of time, it is not safe.”

“Relax, we will use it as long as we can, if we see things are getting dangerous we will blow it away; now let’s just sit and relax, I have some questions about the multiverse that need someone of your caliber to be answered Mr. Pines, so let’s try to be civil and be all good friends until your nephew comes back.”

“You are wrong on this, you won’t get away with your plans.”

Are we wrong? I have read Mason’s file and he is just 19, but has been helping you since before he became a teen, tell me, what kind of man lets his underage nephew tackle unnatural monstrosities? I don’t believe we are the baddest actors in this play, Mr. Pines.”

“I always told him that.”

“Please Stan, not now. Dipper is a natural, and naturals need to be trained young.”

“Ford, we are not talking about playing baseball here.”

“I know, but Dipper is a fighter not a player, I am sure he is ok and we will see him soon.”

19

Dipper slowly opens his eyes; his chest hurts, there is a horrible stench of burnt hair coming from it and he is tied of hands and legs. He is lying on a crystal slab and Alana is watching over him

“Alana, what does this mean?”

“It means that you are a treacherous monster, that is what it means, I can’t believe I trusted you, that you and I slept together, I feel so dirty now!”

“I don’t understand, what did I do to you?”

“McIntosh is my married name, but I was christened as Alana Corduroy.”

“Corduroy, that means you are from Gravity Falls!”

“Yes I am, or at least I was, that is until my husband and I had to run in shame from there, destitute and penniless.”

“But why?”

“My father and my husband, they were lumberjacks, simple, honest people. A man, an evil man tricked my family and others to work for him, and they worked for months without pay, even using their own money for materials and tools all on a promise of future payment.”

Now the story starts to sound very familiar to Dipper.

“You are talking about Nathaniel Northwest, aren’t you? He promised them a party in exchange for the building of his house.”

“A party? Who works for months just for a party? No, he promised good pay and rights to portions of the forest to each family that helped him, and we all believed him and what did he do? He betrayed us, not only he didn’t pay a cent to any of us but laughed in our faces when we demanded compensation, that is what he did. Nobody signed a contract so we received no money and no land, just an invitation to work the Northwest’s forests for a miserable portion of the profits. Most of the people had no choice but to take that offer, but my father and husband they were in deep debt, so my father rounded up some of his lumberjack friends and went to demand payment to the Northwests, he thought that if they all showed up during one of Nathaniel's big parties he would have no choice than to offer some compensation or be shamed in front of all his rich friends, but their trip was cut short by a mudslide that killed lots of people, amongst them my father. I ran to him only to find a small, feeble ghost hovering above the mud. Grandma was a witch, she had tried to train both my father and me but she died too young so we were both really bad witches so when my father casted a curse on the Northwests all he managed to do was to become a small weak ghost, what your diary describes as a category 1. The next weeks I spent in the woods, summoning all kinds of spirits to help me get revenge on the Northwests but nobody answered, that is until one night I finally heard someone calling me back, not during a seance but in my dreams.”

A chill runs down Dipper’s spine, he doesn’t like what he is now expecting to hear.

“The creature you call Bill offered me the power to transform my father into the most powerful ghost ever to exist in exchange for some help from my part. I told him I would help him when my revenge was done so we made a deal: I would help him get into our world when my father’s curse had destroyed the Northwests. What I didn’t know yet was that my father, aware of his weak magic, had placed a curse that would come to play 150 years into the future so he would have time to gather strength and curses casted need to be honored. So I had to wait for 150 years here, waiting for the moment my father had finished those damned Northwests so I could use the breach to let Bill into our world. Through these crystals I felt my father’s ghost leave the mortal plane some years ago but Bill never came looking for me, little I knew he had another plan involving your Uncle Ford; maybe he had forgotten about me or only considered me as a plan B, who knows? Bill didn’t come to me but you did and what did I find in your diary? That you not only thwarted my father’s revenge but also helped destroy Bill! Bill not only promised me power for my father but also to finish my training, he promised to make me the greatest witch ever to live, and you and your family spoiled all things!”

“Alana, your father wasn’t looking for revenge but justice, and that is what Pacifica gave him, he left this world happy.”

“And what about my revenge? Not only I didn’t get my revenge but now a Northwest can boast of defeating my father.”

“Alana, Pacifica didn’t defeat him, as a matter of fact she gave him exactly what he wanted.”

“He never wanted a party for the people! His mind must have gone bad after all that time he spent as a puny little ghost.”

“Well, I am not going to apologize for helping your father and defeating Bill, so what are you planning to do with me?”

“Oh, I have a very nice plan in mind for you, or better said, a nice plan for your mind.” She says as she pulls a small pyramid from her food bag.

“Bill said once that he would send a vessel to train me, to teach me how to control the breaches, that in this little thing was stored all his knowledge and that I just needed to give it to his vessel for that knowledge and his personality to be transferred to it. Well, he never sent that vessel but now I have one, already used and tested.”

“Alana, nobody, not even Bill, can possess someone just like that, he can access people’s dreams, but controlling my mind requires my cooperation which I am not willing to provide, and as for brute force attempts, after Bill possessed me I have been working on strengthening my mind defenses, whatever you are planning to do will not work.”

“Mason, this thing might have Bill’s knowledge and memories but it is not Bill, it has no soul and no mind so it has to follow no rules regarding mind intrusions whatsoever; you can not negotiate with it, appeal to its feelings, counter its defects with your virtues, it would be like arguing with a storm, a volcano or a mudslide; this thing will keep trying to breach your mental defenses over and over again without fear of damage to its feelings, mind or soul because it has none of those things, while you on the other hand are just a human, and in the end, humans always get tired, desperate and break.”

“You can’t be serious? What will happen to me!”

“Maybe your spirit will leave your body and you will be a feeble ghost haunting this place for all eternity, or perhaps you will stay inside your body but not in control of it, helplessly watching your body execute Bill’s desires or better yet, your spirit will remain in your body but not your memories, so you will believe you are and have always been Bill and will have the pleasure of destroying my enemies for me while I get to keep a better version of you.”

“Alana, you can’t do this, you are letting your rage and thirst for revenge control you, it is not too late to do the right thing.”

“Mason, it is 157 years too late. If I had never read your diary I would have gladly left this place with you, believe it or not I think you are a good man but how can a woman love the man who destroyed her father?”

“Don’t let hate control your life Alana.”

“Mason, for this hate I left my world, lost my husband and abandoned my daughter, if I just let it go all those sacrifices would have been worthless.”

“Wait, a daughter?”

“Yes, a daughter, I married when I was 17 and before I became 19 I gave my husband a beautiful daughter, a daughter I never saw grow up and be happy, so no, I can’t just let go of my hate now.”

“My uncle will stop you.”

“That old man? I just have to run to him asking for his help and he will trust me and then I will make him pay for the role he played in Bill’s destruction. Now, please, don’t look so sad, there is a chance you are going to leave this place as a living god with me as your queen, it is not that bad.”

“So, I can’t dissuade you from your plans?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“I am sorry to hear that, machine, initiate protocol Stan.”

As Dipper says that the little box and the rods he had planted on the ground begins to hum and the fog around them starts changing color.

“How nice of you to get rid of the fog before I even have the chance to ask Bill to do it, or are you expecting help from outside? Mason, in this place I can control all the energy of the island, it would take an army to stop me now.” She says as she places the little pyramid on Dipper’s forehead.

“Concentrate Dipper, your walls are strong, your walls are unbreachable.” He tells himself. After his uncle read in his diary how Dipper had been possessed by Bill he insisted on training his mind defenses so he had put him in contact with an old monk who had taught him how to erect mind walls. Dipper looks at his mind defenses, wall after thick wall of pure willpower and fond memories protecting his mind, let Bill’s soulless probe try its worst, his walls will hold as long as it takes, they are indestructible, they are…

A sudden force blasts Dipper's mind with irresistible power and Dipper’s mind screams with pain and maybe so does his physical body. A searing pain paints everything black inside his head and when he can see his mindscape again he can see his mighty walls still standing but shaking and understands that Alana is right; he might be able to stand 100 attacks but what will he do when the attack 101 comes? He is just a human, he will tire of the constant attacks, he will lose faith with the constant pain. He can’t take the full power of those attacks but… maybe he can! He relaxes and lets his hands feel the energy flowing under the crystal slab he is lying on and he finds it, a deep strong stream of energy flowing under him. He taps some of that energy, not to destroy or affect the surrounding world but to strengthen his mind, to create so much static that Bill’s probe can’t even identify his mind as a mind, he only hopes those attacks don’t mess with the way he is controlling the energy around him or there may be a terrible backlash that he might not be able to survive. Now it all hangs on how much time passed since he entered the fog and on his uncle being healthy and ready to act.

20

“The fog is clearing Sir, I repeat, the fog is clearing.”

“See Mr. Pines? We had to wait less than we all thought. Thanks agent Trigger, get your team ready; Powers, stand ready in case….”

A sudden force blasts the fog away, sending tents, equipment and everybody to the ground.

“Dipper is in danger!” Mabel says and tries to run away but is stopped by a soldier. Ford and Stan are also being pinned to the ground by a group of men and it is obvious that even with their hands tied they are dangerous people; one soldier lies senseless on the floor with a broken, bloody nose while another is trying to get rid of Stan who is biting his arm.

“OK, OK that was unexpected but at least that blast has cleared the fog surrounding the mountain. Mr. Pines, you won't be able to bite through the protective armor of my man, it is made of Kevlar, so please let him go or we might find the need to shoot you. That is better, now restrain these men and these… wait, where is the redhead? And where is Miss Northwest?”

“There sir, they are running up the hill!”

“Damn it, go stop them! Use deadly force on the redhead if needed but nobody touches a single hair of Miss. Northwest, understood?”

21

“Move it Pacifica, faster!”

“I am moving as fast as I can! It is not easy to run while tied!

“Your hands are tied, not your feet; we need to move, those men down there have a free line of sight to us.”

“And what with that?”

A loud bang is heard and the crystal above Wendy’s head suddenly shatters sending splinters everywhere.

“Because of that! We need to put the mountain between them and us, we need to pass that curve and we will be on the other side of the mountain, move it.”

22

“Didn’t you hear me when I told you to restrain them?” Townsend asks his men.

“The men, you never mentioned the girl.”

“Restrain the girl now, please, we can’t let her interfere again, is that clear?”

“Yes sir.” A man answers while holding Mabel.

“Soldier, do you have another clear shot on the redhead?”

“Negative sir, but I can hit Miss Northwest.”

“Don’t you even think about it.”

“I don’t need to kill her, just to disable her.”

“With a 0.50 you are going to blow up whatever part of her body you hit, no, let the ground team stop them.”

“Stupid, you are so stupid.”

“Really Miss Pines? Because as I see you are the one tied up and defenseless here.”

“You are stupid, if you even touch a single hair of Wendy Dipper is going to go bat shit crazy on you, and you don’t want a hurt boy controlling the power of a dimensional breach go bat shit crazy on you, do you?”

“So, I understand by what you say that Mr. Pines feels something for Miss Corduroy.”

“She is his truest friend.”

“Good, good.” he says and then communicates with his team.

“Alpha team, do you have visual? No, I don’t know who she is but if she is threatening Mr. Pines she needs to be stopped; neutralize the threat but don’t hurt the redhead if you can help it, you can roughen her a little but no deadly force shall be used on her, I repeat, no deadly force and…”

Another blast shakes the mountain and everybody can see a human figure being thrown off the mountain side.

“Damn, was that one of the girls?”

“Negative, it was one of my men.” Trigger answers.

“Good, Powers, send two of your men to retrieve that man and see that he receives medical attention, you and the rest of your team are coming with me, I believe it is time we have a face to face chat with young Mr. Pines. Mr. Trigger, please keep that woman busy, don’t let her hurt Mason or any of the girls, use force if necessary.”

23

“Get down.”

“Why, what are you seeing Wendy?”

“I have no clue.”

Pacifica risks a look and what she sees leaves her baffled: she sees a girl dressed in old clothes kneeling with a hand on the floor while Dipper lies unconscious on a crystalline slab.

“What should we do?” She asks.

“No idea.” Wendy answers and then Alana starts speaking.

“Mason, you are truly a fighter and I am an idiot for showing you how to access this world’s energy, but you might be able to fight Bill, but not Bill and I together.”

“OK, that does it.” Wendy says as she runs and jumps at Alana, but before she manages to touch her there is a blast and a flash of light and she is sent flying three bodies back.

“Ouch, that hurts, that hurts.”

“Girl, who are you?” Alana asks.

“I am Wendy Corduroy and there are two things that truly piss me off; people trying to hurt my friends and the damned Bill Cipher, and somehow you are messing with both things.”

“Corduroy? Yes, I see the resemblance, you must be one of my dear uncle’s very distant spawn.”

“What do you mean?”

“Girl, I am your many times great aunt, Alana McIntosh, born Corduroy, now, exactly, how are you here?”

“I came to rescue my friend Dipper.”

“Damn, it seems like the new Corduroys are as stupid as the old Corduroys, I asked you how not why but tell me, how are you planning to rescue this man, girl?” Alana says as a ball of crackling and hissing energy becomes visible around her.

“Please sit and don’t bother me while I fix your friend.” Alana says and turns around, but as she does a large piece of crystal hits her. The crystal brakes into dust, but Alana doesn’t seem to be affected.

“Girl, you are not very smart, are you? You would need an army to stop me.”

“Wendy, watch out!” Pacifica shouts. She is being held by a soldier while ten more men appear and point their guns at Alana.

“Townsend, we have visual with the target but there is a woman standing in our way and she doesn’t look friendly…. ok, we will do that but which redhead aren’t we supposed to hurt? There are tw…”

That moment another blast rocks the mountain. Wendy is thrown back against a large rock and so is Pacifica, but the soldier holding her cushions the impact. The other men are also thrown back and Pacifica sees one being thrown into the void.

“That must have hurt.” Wendy says while Trigger informs his boss of what has just happened.

“Negative, it was one of my men…. understood, what should we do while you arrive here? Understood.”

Trigger lifts his hand and his men raise their guns and point them at Alana.

“Miss, please stop doing whatever you are doing and surrender Mr. Pines to us, now.”

“Alana, here is our army.” Wendy tells her.

“Army? Please, this is not even a Patrol.” Alana says as energy shoots from her hands. Trigger’s men start shooting but the bullets don’t seem to be able to penetrate the energy around Alana while Alana is zapping men left to right.

“Gentlemen, please, this is pointless, you are only hurting yourselves” Alana tells them.

“Stop shooting, the bullets are ricocheting and might hit us.” Trigger orders.

“Well, a smart soldier, what a nice surprise! Now, please stand aside while I deal with Mason.

Wendy charges again but Alana just lifts her pinkie and zaps Wendy's leg, which is enough to send her tumbling to the floor.

“That is some amazing loyalty you have towards your friend, Wendy, and I can somehow understand it but..”

Pacifica suddenly pops up from behind Alana, a pistol in her hand and rapidly shoots 13 rounds at her head, but none of the rounds manage to penetrate her shield.

“Uh, another girl, and who are you?”

“My name is Pacifica and I am here to save Dipper too.”

“Pacifica? Tell me, is that a common name now?”

“I am the only Pacifica I know.”

“So, you are Pacifica Northwest, aren’t you?”

So far, Alana has been speaking in a calm, almost playful manner but the way she says aren’t you? somehow manages to chill everybody to the bone.

“What if I am?”

“If you are then you are the harlot who sent my father to the other world, his revenge unfulfilled.”

“I have never killed anyone; I can’t be so sure about the rest of my family but I have never seriously hurt anybody.”

“My father was already dead.”

“Already dead, wait, you father was the lumberjack ghost?”

“He was a glorious avenging spectre from beyond the grave and you ruined his vengeance and mine.”

“Hold it there, your father asked me to do something, and I did it! How did that ruin his vengeance?”

“Because you were supposed to end up dead and your house destroyed, that is how you ruined it, but I can at least correct one of those wrongs right now.”

Alana’s hands start to slowly raise and Pacifica wonders if this might be the moment she dies when a voice says.

“Alana, stop it right now.”

“Oh, Mr. Pines, nice to see you, I see you not only survived but have also brought company. Hey, I recognize that girl as Dipper’s sister, isn’t she?

“I am Mabel Pines and I am going to make you regret all the bad things you have done to my brother.”

“Please girl, as if you could! Now shut up that your elders are talking. As I was saying Mr. Pines I am glad you survived, and is that your twin, the one who tricked Bill? I have just become a fan of your work, what with your travels through the multiverse and all those amazing discoveries. Of all the people here you are probably the only one who can understand what I am about to do.”

“And what are you exactly trying to do?”

“To bring back Bill, or at least all his knowledge.”

“And you are planning to do it in my nephew's body, aren’t you?”

“I knew you would understand.”

“I understand what you are planning to do, or at least I believe I do, tell me, is that little pyramid thing on Dipper’s forehead where Bill’s knowledge is stored?”

“That is obvious, isn’t it?”

“Thanks for confirming it.” Ford says as he raises his taser gun and shoots at Alana.

“Really, using such a similar power to mine to try to stop me? and I thought you were smart.” Alana says as her energy field effortlessly absorbs Ford’s attack.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you, girl.”

Agent Powers dashes to Dipper, jumps and reaches for the little pyramid on Dipper’s face.

BOOM!

Powers is sent back and falls motionless on the floor.

“POWERS!” Trigger shouts and runs to him.

“Damn, his heart is not beating, we need and AED quick!”

“Oh please.” Alana says and zaps Powers.

“AAAAhh!” Powers mutters as he opens his eyes..

“Powers, are you OK?”

“Yes I am, did I succeed?”

“I am afraid not.” Alana informs them and she is right; Bill’s little pyramid still sits on Dipper’s forehead.

“That thing you tried to remove is protected by, how Dipper called it? A password, but this is not a password of letters or numbers, no, this is a password of blood; only I and those of my blood can remove it, and I don’t plan to do it or let this young woman do it.” Alana says as she once agains zaps Wendy.

“Could you please stop it bitch? I am hurt enough already!”

“Oh my, Wendy, are you OK?”

“I am alive Mabel, still, at least.”

“Brace yourselves for another little Mason outburst.” Alana says and yes, seconds later another pulse of energy shakes the mountain.”

“They are getting weaker, soon Bill will be with us. Now, where is that Northwest whore?”

Pacifica is already running towards Dipper and reaching for the pyramid.

“This is going to be fun.” Alana says as Pacifica touches the pyramid, but her smile freezes on her face when Pacifica takes the little thing in her hands, runs to the edge of the mountain and throws it away as far as she can. Everybody stands still, speechless, for what seems to be an eternity until Alana speaks.

“So one of my descendants whored out to a Northwest and you, you stupid blonde bitch are the result, you are an ABOMINATION!!!”

Alana strikes at Pacifica and this time she isn’t joking because the light of the blast is blinding bright and thunders like an explosion. Pacifica drops to the floor just in time to dodge the blast, which hits a rock behind her, a large rock, larger than a person and the blast shatters it to dust.

“Help the girl now!” Townsend orders and bullets fly in Alana’s direction, but with the same results as before; no harm to Alana, bullets dangerously bouncing all around them.

The blast of a grenade shakes the mountain but Alana is unfazed, she isn’t even deigning to look at all the other people surrounding her, she is focused on killing Pacifica who runs and shelters behind the rock slab where Dipper had been lying just some seconds ago.

“Little champagne and flowers, that is not going to help you and… where is Mason?”

24

Pacifica jumps behind the rock slab and literally falls in Dipper’s arms.

“Dipper, you are alive!”

“What? Yes I am and you, who are…. my God, Pacifica, is it you?”

“Yes you dumbass!”

“What are you doing here?”

“Saving your life a third time, that is what.”

“Saving me from what?”

The rock slab behind their backs is rocked by a violent attack, sending them face first to the ground.

“From a crazy centuries old bitch, from that!” Pacifica answers.

“Oh, Alana, right, I forgot about her; sorry my mind is still a little hazy, you know, Bill or something like him has been trying to take over my body for some time but now it is over somehow.”

“Not somehow, some me, that is how!”

“So you saved me?”

“For the third time, remember.”

“And Alana?”

Another blast finishes shattering the rock behind them.

“Oh, there she is, if she is alive and trying to kill us this is not much of a save, you know?”

“Details, details.”

With the rock gone Alana now has a clear shot at them and there is nothing Mason and Pacifica can now use for cover.

“Mason, there you are, please move a little to the left so I can properly finish the Northwest girl, please.”

“No Alana, I am not doing that, and you are not going to destroy the only body you know for sure can hold Bill’s mind.” Dipper says as he and Pacifica stand up.

“Please Mason, I would love to use your body because it is guaranteed to work and nice to look at, but look around you, now I have dozens of bodies to experiment with, surely one of those will prove adequate for Bill, hey, your uncle Stan’s is good too, so move away or prepare to be blasted together with that girl.”

“Alana, I understand you are mad and angry, but this is not the way; your father left this world happy and the man who hurt you has been dead and buried for more than a century, what you are doing is not justice, not even revenge, it is just a tantrum, you are trying to justify the mistake you made when you accepted coming to this island to do Bill’s will, that is all. Pacifica is a great woman, and so are you, I believe it, don’t let hate be the guiding light of your life, you have to learn to forgive and let go. Bill was not as great as you believe, the journal you read was not as complete as the original so you don’t know of all the atrocities Bill committed, I just didn’t feel like writing them down for posterity; he was evil unlike you, so please switch off the light show and let’s talk.”

“Dipper, the time to talk has been long gone.”

“I see, then I am sorry, goodbye Alana.”

“Goodbye Mason and… what do you mean by goodbye?”

“System, initiate protocol Northwest.”

Alana is standing at the center of the wire perimeter Dipper had set before and the ground under her starts to move and shift and in instants a whirlpool of purplish energy starts spinning under her.

“Mason, what are you doing, stop it please!”

“I am sorry Alana, you are a threat to my friend and to life on Earth.”

Alana loses another lightning attack, but it is sucked by the purple portal spinning under her.

“No, where are you sending me?”

“Who knows? You never gave me my phone back to check my calculations.”

The whirlpool of energy is now trying to swallow Alana, but she manages to run to its edge and hold onto solid ground with one hand before half her body disappears into the purple vortex spinning under her.

“No, Mason, don’t do it!”

Wendy limps towards Alana and looks down on her.

“You girl, you are a full blooded Corduroy, help me, you know my cause is just, please help me.”

“Bad grandma” Wendy says as she raises her foot and smashes Alana’s hand under her boot.

“Mason, NOOOOooooooooooo!”

And just like that, Alana is swallowed by the vortex and gone.

25

“Northwest protocol, stop.” Dipper says and the energy whirlpool disappears, then he turns to Pacifica and hugs her tight, really tight.

“Dipper, I am so happy you are alive.” She says.

“Shh, don’t move that much or I am going to fall.”

“So I am only good to support your dizzy weight?”

“Pacifica, I am really glad to see you, more than happy.” He says, but tears are running down his cheeks.

“Dipper, are you crying for that crazy bitch?”

“She was not evil, she was just a prisoner of the past.”

“She was trying to kill us.”

“She was flawed, not evil.”

“Being a murderer is just a flaw?”

“Let’s not get philosophical now, just hold me.”

“I can do that dip but not for long, you are big and heavy now.”

That moment Mabel hits them like a runaway train but somehow manages to hold them both, even in handcuffs.

“Guys, you are alive!”

“Sis, you are here too!”

“In case you didn’t notice me help you send that hag to oblivion, I am here too.” Wendy says as she limps towards them.

“Wendy, now there is a Corduroy I will always be happy to see… are you badly hurt?”

“Are you worried about what that bitch did to me? Please, she was a lightweight.”

“But how are you three here?”

“They are not the only ones here boy.”

“Uncle Stan! Uncle Ford!”

“Glad you are alive kid, next time more action and less talk with the centuries old beings trying to kill you, sometimes, like this time, you will meet people not worth saving.”

“Don’t listen to them Dipper, trying to help everybody is what makes you Dipper.”

“I don’t know if that is a good advice sis; and Pacifica, again, thanks for saving me.”

“For the third time.”

“For the third time.”

“And this time not from a mess of my own making.”

“This time I take all the blame, I have to learn not to share my diary just with everybody.”

“Mr. Pines, I believe you have something for us, don’t you?”

Dipper looks at Townsend who has just spoken, then at the group of men pointing their guns at him and then asks.

“Who are these people?”

“Eh, they are kind of my mess.” Pacifica answers.

“Young Mr. Pines, you are in control of a force of interest to the government of the United States of America, so I, under the authority granted to me by our laws am confiscating all equipment and goods used to control the dimensional breach and demand your unconditional cooperation in understanding and controlling its power, is that clear?”

“And you are?”

“Phillip Townsend, Doctor Phillip Townsend, head of the Nancy Reagan Division of the Benjamin Franklin Bureau of Extranormal Activities.”

“And what do you want the breach for?”

“That is classified information.”

“My uncle Ford likes to say that our government not only has always managed to weaponize even the smallest scientific discoveries but has also never failed to use those new weapons in anger and I agree with him.”

“Boy, I am the law here, you as a citizen….”

“Here doesn’t look like America, for all purposes we are in foreging lands, aren’t we?”

“Foreign unexplored lands and by law of discovery I claim this island for the people of the US of A, now it is officially American soil, there you have it, now please…”

“You are not going to....” Dipper says before he slowly loses consciousness in Pacifica’s and Wendy’s arms.

26

When Dipper opens his eyes he finds himself inside a tent. He is lying on a stretcher and his wrists and ankles are bandaged.

“Dipper, you are awake!”

“Mabel, where are… oh, yes, I remember.”

“You had us all worried, how are you feeling bro?”

“I feel like my head is about to split in two pieces, which is an improvement from the 20 pieces it was in danger of exploding before and, why are my wrists and ankles bandaged?”

“It seems like somehow you melted the cords Alana used to tie you and you were badly burnt.”

“Oh yes, plastic paracord melts badly. So, do I have anything broken?”

“Nope, all is fine Bro.”

“That means I am going to make it?”

“You have been through worse, you are fine.”

“And what about you?”

“Please, you know it will take an army of Alanas to hurt me.”

“And what about Wendy?”

“Wendy? It would take ten armies of Alanas for her even to notice.”

“Pacifica?”

“Bro, we are all ok, the person we worried about was you.”

“Well besides my headache it seems like I am OK.”

“It is precisely your head that has us worried, with that woman trying to implant Bill’s mind in yours, so, do you still feel like Dipper?”

“Yes sister.”

“And you don’t feel the urge to murder us whatsoever?”

“Of course not.”

“Then come here and give me a hug.”

It is Mabel who goes to Dipper and smothers him with an enormous hug.

“Stupid Dipper, I missed you so much!” Mabel says, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Please Mabel, I have not been away that long.”

“Dipper, you and Ford were lost for half a year.”

“Wait what? Half a year? Oh no, mom and dad…”

“They have cried days and nights for you, they think you are lost and dead at sea.”

“I never intended to cause them any harm.”

“But you did, you should really consider slowing down a bit with all Ford related things, uncle Stan is feeling good again, now you can focus on being just a young guy again.”

“Mabel I, I can be more careful from now on but look at what we just have been through, in a way Bill was almost once again unleashed into the multiverse, if we had not come here…”

“If you had not come here Bill would have never been almost unleashed into the multiverse.”

“Well, that is technically right but still…”

“Still nothing, brother, perhaps old McGucket is right, maybe messing with the unknown is bad in and onto itself, there are things better left alone.”

“I will think about it, so what is our situation now?”

“Let me see, we are still prisoners of these government gonzos, they came following us in a big ship armed with cannons and machine guns, there are two guards watching this tent right now and their leader is just waiting for you to wake up so you can show him how to control the breach. Uncle Ford has been trying to control it but…”

“But he informed them that the interface is locked behind a sixteen word password and it will take billions of years to brute force their way in and that even if he can reset the equipment that would add more days to our stay here.”

“Yes, so everybody is waiting for you to wake up and take us out of this place.”

“Help me stand up.”

“Brother, you should think of getting dressed first, that gown is not that concealing.”

“Guess you are right, can I have some privacy?”

Mabel exits the tent and minutes later Dipper follows her wearing his clothes. As he leaves the tent one of the two big guys standing guard at its entrance grabs his radio while both of them follow him.

“Guys please, there is only one way out of this island which I am sure you have now pretty guarded, I am not planning on running away or leaving all of you stranded here.”

“I am happy to hear that, now, let’s continue where we left before, we demand your full cooperation controlling and understanding the breach.”

“I remember you, please tell everybody to clear camp, we are leaving in a couple of hours.” Dipper tells Doctor Townsend who was actually waiting for him outside the medical tent.

“You don’t understand me, we don’t want to leave, we just want you to show us how to control the breach.”

Powers and Trigger are standing at each side of Dr. Townsend and they both look at him like saying that yes, leaving here in an hour is exactly what they want to do.

“That thing is dangerous, it needs to be shut down.”

“Mr. Pines, that is not a decision for you to make.”

“Actually it is, a simple word from me and the whole breach will blow up.”

“And that would leave all of us stranded here, even your family and friends and I am sure you don’t want that, the good boy who tried to show the woman who was trying to kill him and his friends the evil of her ways.”

“The truth is Mr. Townsend...”

“Doctor Townsend.”

“Doctor Townsend, there is no safe way to control the breach; look, the crystal mountain amplifies the natural energies coursing through this very land and concentrates them into its edges and faces, working like a dimensional knife, but your men riddled a good part of the crystals with bullet holes so now they are worthless. I can still power the thing up and send some people to our world but it would be safer to just go to your huge ship and leave this place the way we came in, through the sea; it seems like our home dimension is the one closest to here so we don’t need a precise dimensional cut and I am sure I can power the breach long enough to let us through”

“Young Mr. Pines, do you expect me to believe that?”

“Don’t believe me, check my math, it seems like you have my papers now, or is that asking too much of your brain?”

“Too much? Alright, we will run the math but you don’t get any ideas and don’t get close to the mountain, is that clear?

“Yes, now where do you have my people?”

“They are safe, don’t worry, your sister will take you to them.”

As they walk away Mabel says.

“You were good bro, he believed you!”

“Because it was the truth; using the breach again IS dangerous; I hope that man gets to see that.”

They go to where the rest of the gang is and Wendy is quick to hug Dipper.

“Glad you are feeling better.”

“Me too Wendy, thanks for coming to help us, it was cool from you.”

“Remember, cool is my first name, Wendy is actually the middle one.”

“Pacifica, I don’t know what made you come here but I am grateful for that, thanks for your help, without it I will be a puppet of Bill again.”

“Well, someone had to do something, you know?”

“Yes, thanks again.”

“May I ask you something?”

“Sure Paz, shoot away.”

“Why did you name the activation protocol of your machine “Northwest Protocol?”

“Eh, well, it was just that... it is complicated..”

“Oh boy, he is getting sweaty like when he was a kid.” Stan says.

“So, why?” Pacifica insists.

“Miss Northwest, Doctor Townsend would like a word with you.” A just arrived man announces.

“I’ll be back soon, and I am going to want an answer.”

As Pacifica leaves Wendy asks.

“So why?”

“Eh, I knew that when that thing was activated it was going to form a swirling force of greed that would swallow anything close to it and never give it back, but how can I say that to Pacifica? I was thinking of other Nortwests when I named that Protocol, so what should I say when Pacifica asks again?”

Wendy bursts into laughter and tells DIpper.

“Tell her just what you have told us, but please let me be there when you do.”

“Come on Wendy, she is not a bad person.”

“And she is also not bad to look at, isn’t she?”

“No, she isn’t.” Dipper answers, surprising everyone.

“So, self confidence now, that is new, what happened exactly with that Alana and you?” Stan asks.

“Why do you ask that? Why did something have to pass between her and me?”

“Dipper, you are getting all red and… oh please, don’t tell me you fell in love with her!”

“In love with her? Are you crazy Mabel? No, no, why would I do that? I mean she was pretty and strong and dangerous in a good way and also in a bad way I guess but she was way older than me!”

“When has that stopped you before?”

“She was like centuries older!”

Wendy walks to Dipper and stares deeply into his eyes.

“Oh my, you fucked her, didn’t you?”

“Whaaat! Eh… why would I do that, I mean…”

“Yes or no?”

“Ehhhh.”

“Shit, you did it! Yes you did!”

“It was just a couple of times, and just one night.”

“Two times a night! Way to go Dipper.”

“No, no… are you not angry with me?”

“No, she was a bitch but she was hot.” Wendy says.

“Oh, yes she was.” Stan adds.

“Very attractive.” Ford comments.

“Bro, almost 20 years and it seems like you still need my help getting you not crazy girls to date, but don’t worry, I already have a good prospect in mind for you.”

“Hey guys, what are you talking about?”

“Pacifica, you came back fast, what were you doing?”

“Professor Townsend asked me to check your math work; don’t worry, you only had a tiny decimal error but it helped your case; when I told him that trying to control the breach could cause a 200 megaton backlash he decided that maybe trying to control the breach was not such a good idea.”

“Wait, check my work?”

“Yes brother, didn’t you know? Pacifica is nerdy like you.”

“Nerdy but not dorky, and I prefer the term intellectual better.”

“But you were only gone some minutes.”

“I am very intellectual.”

“You know I did all those calculations with pen and paper, crouching against a pointy rock with time distorting fog around me.”

“Please Dipper, no one is criticizing you, it was just a slip of the hand, just a decimal point you placed left instead of right, making everybody think that a potential disaster was going to be 100 times less severe than it would really be.”

“100 times?”

“It was really two decimal points.”

“Pacifica, cut him some slack, his head was in other things when he made those numbers.”

“What was more important than calculating the potential backlash of a raging interdimensional breach?”

Mabel sighs and flutters her eyes.

“Wait, you and that monster made out?” Pacifica inquires..

“Yes, make out, sure.” Wendy says.

“Guys, are you going to tell everybody?” Dipper asks.

“Yes, you look so cute when you are all flustered.”

“Really Dipper, with that woman?” Pacifica asks.

“In my defense I didn’t know she was the daughter of your ghost and that she had the destruction of the name Northwest as her biggest life goal.”

“I guess she was all sweets and peaches before.”

“Actually she was.”

“Dipper, she was like what comes after old! Making out with her is the equivalent of making out with two old grandmas.”

“No it wasn’t, and why are we talking about this? She turned out to be crazy, tried to give my body to a recording of Bill’s mind, attempted to murder you and is no longer around, there is no need to keep talking about her.”

“Someone needs to teach you how to choose a woman right, Dipper.”

“Probably.”

“We will talk about that later, now I need to tell you that Professor Townsend agrees that giving full power to the breach is a bad idea and wants to know; what now?”

“I power the breach partially, temporarily opening the breach at sea allowing us in their ship to enter our world while a well timed explosive charge blows up the part of the mountain that has been intermittently opening the breach to our world and we leave to never come back.”

“And what about the Kraken?”

“Alana told me that it only appears at night, so we leave during the day.”

“And the mermaids? Are we going to leave them trapped here?”

“They are antropophagus beings, Mabel, we don’t need them close to the shore of Oregon or any other inhabited place.”

“But without people, aren’t they going to starve here?”

“They can eat fish or squid or whatever local fish live here, they just like to eat people, they don’t need to.”

“We can’t abandon them here.”

“Mabel.”

“It is not right, what would Mermando say?”

“Good riddance, probably.”

“Uncle Ford, you once dated a mermaid, what do you have to say?”

“Good riddance.”

“Uncle!”

“What do you want me to say? They are nice and friendly until they try to eat you.”

“You are unbelievable! I will think of something to help those poor mermaids you want to trap in a dimension not their own.”

“Dipper, while Mabel thinks how to help the mermaids, can you tell us about your adventures with Alana? Just make your story PG-13, Mabel here might get upset otherwise.”

“Wendy! Why would you say that? Dipper, please tell us all, juicy details included.”

27

“Wow bro, so you can shoot lightning from your hands too?”

“No, or at least I don’t think so; I never tried to.”

“But those blasts that almost killed us were being caused by you!”

“No… well, in a way they were. Thoughts and memories are basically electric impulses and charges living, no, existing, in your brain; I just used the juice around me to try to make my mind unreadable to Bill but it seems that Bill’s attacks also messed with the part of my brain who was controlling the flow of energy around me. The fight inside my brain, from a power perspective, was probably no more than carpet static, but that snowballed outwards causing the blasts, or at least that is what I think happened.”

“Makes sense, had you been the source of those blasts you would be nothing but ground meat now.” Ford opines.

“So, no Sith powers bro?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Dipper, your story has reached this moment, but you never told us when Alana and you, you know….”

“I am not telling that sis.”

“It was the night after the hog’s attack.” Wendy says.

“How did you know?”

“It usually takes near death experience to make you act on your feelings.”

“That is not fair.”

“Dipper, you are courageous for a lot of things, but girls are not one of those things.”

“Wendy, that was me 7 years ago, I have changed now.”

“Hold it there, why is it so important that Dipper kissed that woman?”

“Pacifica, If it had been just kissing, nothing, buuuut….”

“Oh my Dipper! You didn’t... did you?”

“Oh, please everybody shame dumb Dipper who fell in love with a murdering witch a century and a half older than him just a couple of days after meeting her! But you didn’t know her as I did; she was strong and badass and at the same time so childish, sweet and naive. And after learning of all the time she had been here alone I could see the loneliness she must have felt permeating her entire being, she was here alone two lifetimes, with no one by her side.”

“And white knight Dipper was there for the rescue.”

“No, no, that wasn’t the case; I mean, maybe I was a little bit sorry for her but mostly I was in awe of her.”

“I know that story.” Mabel says.

“Hey, am I wrong for liking strong, capable women? Is that a bad thing?”

“Liking strong and capable women is commendable, liking strong, capable and evil women is a no-no; please be more careful next time and think twice before falling in love brother, you are the brainy of us; I am the one who is supposed to fall in love with the wrong person, not you.”

“Guess we are twins, maybe we are more alike than even we realize.”

“Maybe we are.”

“Pacifica, I would like to ask you something.”

“What Mr. Ford.”

“How did you know you were going to be able to save Dipper? We all saw what trying to touch that pyramid did to Agent Powers, how were you so sure you would be able to achieve what he couldn’t?”

“Sir, Gravity Falls is a small town, and more important has always been a small town, so we old families are probably all cousins now.”

“EWWW!.” Mabel exclaims.

“Bullshit girl, we the riff raff may be all related now somehow but you Northwests usually married rich men or women from other towns, if there was someone less likely to have Corduroy blood in her it is you, so why did you take such a risk?” Wendy says.

“Ok, ok, I was just relying on good old momentum,, using my weight to remove that thing from Dipper.”

“Pacifica, that thing was cursed by Alana with the power of Bill, anybody not allowed by it would have ended up like Powers at the smallest touch.” Ford explains.

“Well, I am not an expert in curses or demonic powers like you are, I just had my science and I wasn’t going to let that woman get away with hurting Dipper or anyone else, even you Wendy.”

“Pacifica, you know I never saw you as particularly courageous or a person who cared for others; it seems I was wrong.”

“Wendy, that surely means a lot coming from you.”

“So, Dipper, what do you think about Pacifica, the brave gal who risked her life for you and can really shoot a pistol? Dipper?”

“It seems like he has lost consciousness again, he must still be affected by Bill’s attack.” Ford says.

“Oh, please, he is faking it…. MASON PINES!! Open your eyes or you will see.”

“I am awake, I am awake.”

“You haven’t answered me, why you named the protocol that summoned that portal thing after the Northwests?”

“Eehh, all my calculations pointed to the portal to emit purple light, and I remembered a girl who loved to wear purple, that is all!”

“Really?”

“Yes!”

“That is sweet, you know.”

“I am glad you like it.”

“Maybe you can name those portal’s after me, it would be cool.”

“Sure, sure we could call them Pacifica’s cracks, no, no, no.. chasms? no, no, no, maybe...”

“If you say hole I am killing you.”

“How about a Northwest Passage?”

“Hey, that sounds kind of cool, but you need to find a way to put Pacifica in there somehow. Now I am going to tell Townsend your idea of partially powering the breach, don’t do anything foolish while I am not here.”

As soon as Pacifica leaves Mabel, Wendy, Ford and Stan burst into uncontrollable laughter.

“Boy, I was going to grade that save with an A and then you went with the Pacifica cracks thing.”

“A Pacífica hole.” Wendy says after Stan as she rolls on the floor laughing.

“Brother, you are hopeless.”

“Please, I was under too much pressure! And the Northwest Passage thing was pure genius, you have to accept that.”

“I have to admit that was fine, but tell us, you didn’t know the portal was going to glow purple when you named that protocol, did you?” Wendy asks.

“I thought it was going to be a black pool of utter darkness sucking in even the light around it.”

“I thought so.” She says and then laughs again.

“What now Wendy?”

“Nothing, nothing, I really missed all of you Pines, I really did. My life is going to be pretty dull when you leave again.”

“We can always stay in touch, I made a mistake when I decided to cut you out of my life, Uncle Ford, you think you could craft one of your special phones for Wendy?”

“Sure boy, I can’t think of anyone more deserving of it than her.”

“With that, we can always be in touch; now let’s rest; I can’t wait to be back in town and eat some of those delicious Greasy’s waffles.”

28

Next Morning.

“Are you ready to power this thing?”

“Is everybody safe on your ship, Mr. Townsend?”

“Doctor Townsend, and yes, everybody is safe on my ship.”

“Nice, then; machine, initiate protocol Mabel.”

A humming sound surrounds them.

“My instruments are picking a space-temporal distortion just in that direction.” Ford says, pointing at the sea.

“My people inform me the same, so I guess it is time to go.”

Ford, Dipper and Townsend climb into the helicopter that Powers is piloting and soon they leave the crystal mountain behind.

Minutes later Dipper asks Powers.

“Could we land in that clear? I need to pick something up.”

“Something up? What?”

“It is something from Alana.”

20 minutes later Dipper climbs back into the chopper carrying a large piece of luggage.

“You are not carrying anything dangerous or illegal there?” Townsend asks.

“No, just some things that belonged to Alana, I just thought it would be great if at least something of her could go back home.”

“Dipper, romanticism is not good in our line of work.”

“I know Uncle, but trust me on this.”

Minutes later the chopper lands on the large ship just identified as the Trembley.

“Wait, this ship is named after Trembley, Quentin Trembley?”

Townsend almost chokes on the coffee he is drinking.

“You know of the existence of Quentin Trembley? That info is extremely confidential and should never be shared with anyone under penalty of living the rest of your life in isolation in Gitmo, is that clear?”

“Yes sir.”

“Docto…. Sir is OK in this case, I guess. We assigned a cabin for you and your uncles, you can rest there for the night, tomorrow we leave as soon as day breaks so be prepared.

The cabin they have assigned is small and has four bunker beds and locks on the outside. As soon as Dipper enters it Stan puts down the magazine he is reading, sniffs the air twice, then approaches Dipper’s huge suitcase, sniffs again and then sighs as if remembering a long lost love.

“Aahh, the sweet smell of unearned gains.”

Dipper shows them the content of the suitcase and Stan’s eyes sparkle with joy. A quick count tells them that there are 675,000 dollars there. Stan is giggling like a girl until Dipper tells him.

“Uncle, this is Alana’s money, I already have plans for it.”

“Plans, what plans?”

“I will tell you later, now let’s see where the girls are.”

The girl's cabin is on the other side of the ship and after checking everybody is fine they all go to sleep. Around midnight a loud voice talking through a loudspeaker wakes up the whole ship.

“HEEEELLLOOOO MERMAIDS, tomorrow we are leaving this island for the real world, so you can follow us if you want to go home, I repeat, tomorrow we are…. hey, let go of that, this is a social service I am providing, I say let go you repressive goon… auch! FREEDOM TO THE MERPEOPLE!”

29

“When do you think they will let us out?”

“I don’t know, that little stunt your sister pulled last night seems to have really pissed Townsend off.”

That moment the door of their cabin is unlocked.

“Hello Trigger, sorry I hit you last night but that was no way of treating my niece even if she is really annoying, so no hard feelings?”

“Mr. Pines, all of you, are required at the captain’s bridge.”

The three men follow Trigger and there, in the bridge they encounter Wendy, Mabel and Pacifica surrounded by five men.

“I guess you are happy now Mabel.” Ford asks.

“Yes very happy, we can’t just leave those poor mermaids behind.”

“Well, I guess what is done is done.”

“Good morning Mr. Pines, all of you; I guess you all heard the little message this lady sent to some beings she called mermaids last night, so we would like to know, what can we expect in case those mermaids decide to answer this young woman’s call?”

“A bunch of man-eating ladies as fast as dolphins singing will-sapping songs, that is what we can expect.” Ford answers Townsend.

“I wonder if you know some kind of countermeasures against those ladies, just in case.”

“Ear plugs and your 0.50 caliber machine guns are good countermeasures.”

“Uncle Stan!”

“What? You were not there when those water ladies tried to eat me.”

“Stan, I told you what almost happened to me when I dated a mermaid and yet you tried to impress them with a song, a song! You know mermaids hate whales because they sing? Mermaids hate all songs but theirs, they drive them crazy.”

“Actually that is not the case, you can control them with songs, they just have to be new songs, not only new to them, but new to the world.” Dipper says.

“And may I know from where you got that information?” Townsend asks.

“Eh, from Alana.”

“And we are now going to trust information given to you by a known psychopath?”

“A psychopath with a century of experience dealing with mermaids.”

“And what else she told you?”

“That when they sing they go into a frenzy where they feel the need to kill and eat all human males….”

“I am starting to like those girls.” Wendy says.

“....and just plain kill all women.”

“I take it back, those mermaids are a nasty bunch.”

“Their songs entice males and fill women with dread, but a simple song can stop their frenzy and make communication with them possible.”

“Nice but worthless info since we are short of musicians in this ship and…. why am I rhythmically tapping my foot?”

“Dipper, I am scared.” Pacifica says.

“Maybe we can dance those fears away, would you like to dance? The music is…. damn, the mermaids are singing, we need to do something!”

“Don’t worry, I have my harmonica.”

“Uncle Stan!”

“Quick Dipper, mind protection, use your mind barriers, block out that cool music that sounds like a mixture of classy jazz and Mozart and…. damn, mind walls now!”

“OK uncle Ford.”

Dipper goes into his safe place.

“Block all external auditory stimuli, block all…. where am I? What is this darkness, this void, this coldness, this nothingness, all these things crumbling around me?”

30

“Dipper, Dipper, wake up Dipper.”

The sounds seem to come from really far away and Dipper now recognizes them as words, as voices, and they are calling a Dipper, and…I am Dipper.

Dipper opens his eyes and finds himself lying on the upper deck. His gaze meets the sky first and then the eyes of Wendy and Pacifica. He gasps as if he had been drowning and says.

“The mermaids, the mermaids are here, we have to…”

“Relax, the mermaids are here but they are no longer a threat.”

“Here, but how?”

“Mabel has been singing to them for some time now, and they seem to like her songs! She has already done the Gobblewonker shuffle and the pyramid rap and we all desperately want her to shut up but are afraid of the mermaid’s reaction.”

“The mermaids, where are they?”

“There!”

Dipper looks in the direction Pacifica is pointing and there, at the rear of the ship just behind the helicopter he sees three small sorry things rapturously looking at Mabel.

“Three, there were just three mermaids?”

“Yes, and they are just kids, the lone survivors of a once numerous clan; it seems like the food they were getting from the other dimension was not good for them at all.”

“Just kids, oh shit, and I wanted to leave them behind.”

“We all wanted.”

“All but Mabel.”

“Yes, all but Mabel.”

“I feel like shit.”

“We all feel like shit, even Powers and Trigger have said that what Mabel did was a good thing.”

“And Townsend?”

“He refers to the little mermaids as specimens but at least has not tried to put them in a box or shoot them.”

“Good, and what happened to me? Did I faint?”

“Dipper, you closed your eyes and almost immediately ran to the edge of the ship, if Wendy and I had not stopped you you would have jumped overboard, what happened?”

“I don’t know, maybe it was the mermaid’s song.”

“But it didn’t affect anybody else like it affected you, why?”

“I have no idea. What happened to the breach, when will we cross into our world?”

“Dipper, we will reach port in half an hour, we are home, we made it.”

“Thank God, now I have to see uncle Ford and…”

Dipper stands up and tries to walk but he is handcuffed to a railing.

“Sorry Dipper, your uncle Ford recommended this, at least until he figures out what happened to you.”

“I understand, but I would really like to talk to him, alone.”

So the girls go looking for Ford who comes and sits by Dipper’s side.

“Dipper, you almost jumped into the sea, what happened?”

“Uncle Ford, my mind defenses, they are shattered, they are nothing but rubble and dust, my mind is a house with windows for walls and all windows are broken, now I am worthless, now even the puniest ghost can possess me or the most amateur vampire chain me to its will, what am I going to do now?”

“You need to replace the memories and thoughts you used as your walls with others, stronger and with more meaning.”

“But uncle Ford, my walls were made of all the memories I made seven years ago, of you coming out of the portal, of Mabel leaving her pocket universe to help us, of me and Wendy fighting the shapeshifter, of Soos’ infinite pizza, of muddy shoes on a clean carpet, of uncle Stan’s sacrifice, where in the multiverse am I going to find memories like that? Those walls were always my greatest pride, I always thought them to be indestructible and now they are nothing and I am nothing.”

“Dipper, seven years have passed since I returned to this universe, you must have made tons of new fond memories since then, what do you remember of those seven years?”

“Well there was the vampire we staked in Calabasas.”

“Ugh, messy stuff.”

“The torching of the man-eating plants in Salinas.”

“Think of another thing.”

“The spirits we exorcised in Napa.”

“And those we drank!”

“Grunkle, I was seventeen, you only let me drink lemonade.”

“Well there must be a first kiss somewhere.”

“I don’t want to think about it, it was gross and shameful.”

“A first time, you know…”

“Ugh, Alana was 20 times better and you know how that ended.”

“Hell, it seems like Mabel and Stan are right, I made a mess of your life.”

“Uncle Ford, you never forced me to do nothing.”

“That is the problem, I should have forced you to do nothing, to live your life, let you grow like a normal teen, instead I had you staking vampires.”

“I regret none of the things I did, but there is something I don’t forgive.”

“What kid?”

“Never going back to Gravity Falls; Mabel and I kept asking mom and dad to take us there so I could visit Soos and Wendy and I always got the same answer: Dipper, your uncle is not there, where would we stay? That village doesn’t even have a proper hotel. And so we ended up going to Disneyland or other fake magic places instead of the truest, most magical place on Earth.”

“Sorry kid, I didn’t know.”

“Well, now it is all over for me, at least tell me that the breach is gone.”

“Yes, I initiated the Corduroy protocol before leaving Alana’s dimension.”

“Townsend bought all that 16 word password nonsense, didn’t he?”

“Yes he did.”

“Good, now, could you please remove the cuffs?”

“That would not be safe as long as the mermaids are in this ship.”

“These handcuffs are not yours, they belong to Townsend’s men, I can easily pick the lock.”

“With what?”

“With this. Uncle Ford, I always carry one of these for cases like this as you taught me.” Dipper says while showing him a little wire.

Ford's hand is almost too fast to see as he takes the wire from Dipper’s hand.

“Ha, these fingers are faster than the eye, and there are six of them! Rest Dipper, you need it, we will be home soon, there you can be free.”

Ford walks away and Dipper thinks of using the spare lock pick Uncle Stan taught him to always carry but, what good would it make him now to be free? It is not like he can go anywhere else but into the ocean and well, that is the reason he is handcuffed to the ship in the first place.

“Why so gloom brother?”

“Mabel, wait, if you are here, who is with the mermaids?”

“Oh, I told them to jump ship and hide; I didn’t like the way Townsend was looking at them.”

“Mabel, they eat people, what if they go to shore and snack on a poor fisherman?”

“They are too young for that, they are just girls and they promised me to never, ever eat a human.”

“Mabel… I… I was wrong about wanting to leave those mermaids behind, I just wanted you to know that.”

“Well, think about that the next time you want to oppose one of my ideas.”

“Heh, I will.”

“What happened to you bro-bro?”

“Nothing, it was just the effect of the mermaid’s song, that is all.”

“Uncle Ford says the mermaids were too young to sing effectively; none of the guys was as affected as you, they all report that they felt like dancing, not like jumping into the ocean, and I and the other girls felt scared, but it was not a fall to the ground in fetal position scared, it was more of a “shit, something bad might be coming, I need to be ready for it” kind of scared, so, what is wrong with you? You can’t fool your twin sister. “

“Mabel, I… in the things Ford and I do we might face creatures capable of taking control of your body or hypnotize you to do their will, so we need to strengthen our mind as well as our body. I had these beautiful, strong walls protecting my mind but they are gone, so completely gone that not only I have lost the protection I trained so long to build but also the natural protections we are all born with, I am probably more vulnerable than anybody else on Earth.”

“Brother, I am sorry; I am sure you will be back in top form soon.”

“Mabel, the way I built those walls, the raw materials I used are not the kind you easily get, I am afraid I am done as a monster hunter.”

“Dipper that is great! Now you can go back to be my brother full time! We are going to have so much fun and… oh, what is wrong? Aren’t you happy?”

“Mabel, now I am a danger to everybody; what if someone possesses me and uses me to sing the Chthonic Incantations of picks from my mind the location and way to unlock the Chest of Darkest Curses? I am an open book full of horrible things for everybody to read now! And my mind is so vulnerable that using the memory erasing gun, if it still existed, might even erase all of me.”

“Oh Dipper, Dipper, Dipper, everything is going to work out fine, you will see, after all you have us to help you, our Grunkles, Soos, Wendy, Mom and Dad and now even Pacifica, you are not alone and never will.”

“Mabel, I wish I could be as optimistic as you.”

“Says the guy who tried to talk sense into the witch trying to murder him. DIpper, we are twins, we are more alike than you think, you said that yourself.”

“No, you are smarter than me.”

“Never forget that.”

“Mabel, this information about my mind is only for Mystery Shack Pines, please don’t share it with anyone else.”

“My lips are a closed tomb and look; land! Come, let’s go tell the girls!”

“Mabel, I am cuffed to the raili… and she is gone.”

All around him people are pointing to land and some of Townsend’s men are even cheering and it's so nice to see people just being happy. He just leans on the railing and lets the breeze blow his hair; he likes to keep it relatively long, especially above his forehead so he can cover his birthmark with it. Something flashes silver just below the waves and Dipper witnesses a mermaid snatch a distracted seagull and sink to unknown depths leaving a trail of red behind her.

“Bon appetit girl.” He says as Wendy limps towards him followed by Pacifica and by plenty of stares from the men around.

“Hey Wendy, Paz, enjoying some family time?”

“Family time?”

“Yes, since you are like 10 times removed cousins or something like that.”

“I would love to see my family tree now but it is not that complete, it only follows the Northwest name.”

“I have never understood the obsession rich people have with their family trees.” Wendy tells Pacifica.

“They are fun, you should try to build one yourself, you have a ghost and a witch already.”

“Guess that beats having a real estate developer or a store owner.”

“Yes, I guess so.”

“So Wendy, how are you feeling? I see they patched you up.” Dipper asks.

“Adrenaline is an amazing painkiller; the other day fighting Alana I was feeling like a raging she-bear but now that I am calmed and relaxed I feel as if I had been mauled by one.”

“And you Paz?”

“I am sore of all the day long walks we took but I am mostly free of bruises and burns.”

“Gals, I am sorry I didn’t thank you for saving me today, again.”

“Dipper, you are my best friend, I was not going to let you jump into the jaws of some tween fish ladies, and by the way, nice muscles! Pacifica and I were both on top of you and you kept walking as if you were just carrying your school backpack; I had to actually choke you to stop you and sorry for choking you.”

“Forgiven, you can choke me whenever you like aaand that didn’t sound right.”

“No, but I will, don’t worry, so physically you seem to be ok, what about mentally?”

“Mentally? Why do you ask that? Let me guess, Mabel told you.”

“Yes.”

Dipper looks at his watch.

“12 minutes, must be Mabel’s personal record.”

“If you don’t want people to know something, don’t tell Mabel.”

“Wendy, she is my twin, face to face I can’t keep anything from her even if I try.”

“So how are you doing?”

“Well, my mind defenses are nothing now, anybody with minor psychic abilities can now easily peek into my thoughts and those more skilled could probably just plainly take over me. I am done.”

“How can you be done? I have never had any mind block training, I am probably as vulnerable as you and I am not worrying about that… or should I?”

“Pacifica, no, no, people are born with natural mind defenses, but mine are all gone, all my defenses natural or otherwise are no more.”

“Don’t worry Dipper, we will take care of you until you are in working shape again.”

“Really?”

“Sure, I don’t know how you have managed to survive so far without us, saving your life is starting to become a hobby.”

Dipper smiles; he knows his friends can’t protect him forever, they have lives and families of their own but it still feels nice to be appreciated by people who really know how crazy and chaotic his life really is.

“Thanks Pacifica, thanks Wendy, I really appreciate all you have done for me, I missed you a lot.”

“Dipper, you kept talking about how lonely Alana was, how it somehow showed, and it shows on you too, so please know this; you can trust us, always, and please slow down with the missions with Ford, Mabel says they are robbing you of your life.”

“Don’t worry about that Wendy, with my brain as it is I don’t believe Ford will invite me to a mission any time soon.”

“See, something positive came from this mission and…”

That moment Mabel runs to them, stands in front of Dipper and tells him:

“OK, this is the story, you had an accident at sea, were rescued by some fishermen but the time in cold water gave you amnesia, to you and Ford, and lived as fishermen until I, using my amazing detective skills found you and helped you recover your memories, is that clear?”

“Mabel, who is going to believe that?”

Mabel then grabs her phone and tells him:

“I have mom and dad on hold, here, speak to them.”

“Wait, Mabel I…. mom, mom, yes, it is me Dipper, I was in a fisherman’s village with amnesia all this time… what was the name of the village? I don’t remember, my amnesia still comes and goes, you are going to have to ask Mabel about that, but now that I remember you and dad, let me tell you that I have missed you a lot, that I…”

Wendy and Pacifica move away to give the little dork well deserved privacy and the ship is being secured to a dock anyway, it is time to get ready to go back to land, to home.

31

Wendy, Pacifica and the Pines are being held inside an office located in a nondescript warehouse right in the dock’s area.

“Uncle Stan, how can you be hungry now?” Mabels asks.

“How? That stingy Townsend didn’t give us lunch today, that is why! And this was Ford’s idea anyway.”

“I am hungry too.” Dipper says.

“We are all hungry, boy, probably a strategy from Townsend to make us uncomfortable and sloppy during whatever he has planned for us; he only let Stan eat that burrito because I told him he could collapse otherwise due to his diabetes, hypertension, gout and incipient Alzheimer.”

“Hey, I am strong as an oak!”

“I know, but they don’t, and you have to admit that after the last days we all look a little bit haggard.”

“I lost a couple of inches around my hips that I desperately needed gone.” Mabel informs the group.

“So, why was it so important that Stan could have his burrito?” Pacifica asks, wondering why she didn’t pretend she was the one about to collapse due to lack of food, that previously frozen burrito looks delicious, is it as tasty as it looks? She wonders since she has never eaten one.

“I didn’t need the burrito, but the wrapper.” Ford says as he fashions some sort of aluminum foil headband.

“For you DIpper, in case they have a way to monitor thoughts. It wont shield you at all but it will give you a horrible headache if you are being attacked, that will tell us if something is wrong.”

“Oh great, now I am going to look ridiculous, and if they don’t have a mind reader seeing me like this is going to tell them there is something wrong with my brain! What if they try a psychic attack later?”

“We will deal with it when it arrives, now we don’t need you broadcasting all our secrets.”

A door opens and Trigger informs them.

“They are waiting for you, please follow me.”

The gang follows Trigger to an even larger office, waiting for them inside are Townsend, Sonia Fairway and Preston Northwest.

“Dad! Professor Fairway! Why are you here?”

“Director Fairway, I am in charge of the Benjamin Franklin Bureau of Extranormal Activities.”

“You?”

“Yes, she is my boss.” Townsend says.

“We are colleagues Philip.”

“Colleagues with different rank.”

“That is right, never forget it. Back to topic, I heard you made a mess of our mission.”

“I thought the Pines were the mission, or at least that is what I understood.” Pacifica says.

“Finding and controlling a dimensional breach was the mission, Ford and Mason Pines were just the way to achieve it.”

“And how did you know we were going to take care of the breach?” Dipper asks.

“Young Mason, you are not as stealthy as you think you are, we have been following your uncles for sometime now, even covertly helping them when their goals aligned with ours, but I believe it is time for your freelancing to end.”

“I knew it was too much luck when we found that truck full of stakes when we were dealing with the bulgarian vampires.” Stan says.

“What do you mean by our freelancing has to end?” Ford asks.

“I think it is time for you to start working for us.”

“Ha! Working for the government, us! For the government that has never failed…”

“..to weaponize all scientific discoveries and use them in anger, that is what you were going to say, isn’t it?”

“That is right, and it is true.”

“Trigger.” Sonia calls the agent.

Trigger walks to Sonia and gives him Stan’s plasma gun.

“Amazing weapon, but the truly amazing thing about it is it’s battery, this tech could have us weaned off of oil for good; it holds a massive charge, remains functional for decades and can be charged in minutes, it is a waste to use it just to power a weapon, isn’t it? Why not share it with the world?”

“That battery is also dangerous, it could also be used to power a bomb capable of destroying a city block, a bomb no much bigger than a can of soup.”

“That is the thing with technology Mr. Pines, it is always a double edged sword, the truly important thing is who gets to wield that sword.”

“I guess that would be you.”

“Us Mr. Pines, we are on the same team here.”

“Excuse me if I don’t trust you, I like being a freelancer, so thank you very much but you can shove your offer…”

“Please, Mr. Pines, there is no need for foul language, I respect your need for independence, it is really commendable, but you know we can’t have people like you running around without any kind of check, full of all kinds of forbidden knowledge inside their heads, knowledge that would allow you to, just with words, summon into this world things way worse than a nuclear weapon. You can leave but we would need to erase your memories first; our technology is not as advanced as that of Mr. McGucket so the results might no be as precise as we would like but that is all we have, and in other things, I really love how you accessorize your head, young Pines, is there a reason for such fashionable look?”

Dipper swallows some saliva; the way his mind is now a memory erasing gun would effectively kill him, it would turn him into a blank canvas devoid of memories, thoughts, even emotions.

“You witch, you can’t…”

“I can Mr. Pines, I am aware of your nephew’s condition and what it means, he is now a liability to this country, no, to this planet and we can’t let him roam around free without someone of our organization watching over him, a shame we have no members to spare, if only there was…”

“OK, OK, I will work for you, but I have conditions; first, I answer only to you not to this Townsend, is that clear?”

“Townsend only manages our affairs in the Pacific coast and I was planning to use your talents in a less geographically restrictive manner.”

“Second, you leave my family out of this; if Stan wants to join us it is fine with me, but Dipper, Mabel and their friends you leave out of this mess, is that clear?”

“That is harder for me to accept, Mason has proved to be formidable dealing with the supernatural so far, the way you and he handled the Calabasas vampire was pure talent! I had a swat team ready to riddle the beast with hardwood bullets when you just showed up and dealt with him in a truly admirable way; using your nephew as bait was a stroke of genius!”

“Ahh, yes, yes, everything worked just as we planned.”

“And the way you burned those evil plants in Salinas, a single change in the direction of the wind and acres upon acres of land would have been destroyed; I still can’t fathom how you were able to calculate with such precision the weather patterns.”

“Oh, that is a trade secret.” Ford answers scratching his head.

“And you Mr. Stan, entering a kicking contest with bigfoot? How did you know his bunions would cause him enough pain to drop out of the contest? It would have been certain death entering that contest without that knowledge.”

“Oh, lady, you have no idea how many times I have been in certain death situations.”

“It is great finally having you working for us, I can honestly say that we have been writing our manuals as we observe you perform.”

“Oh, thanks, but back to what I was saying, the kids are out of this, is that clear?”

“UNCLE STAN!”

“MR: PINES!”

“It is for the best, Pacifica.” Preston says, speaking for the first time.

“I can’t promise that; they are legally adults so if they want to work for me I can’t discriminate against them just because of you, but at least I can promise you this; they will not be deployed in any mission until they have finished college, as a matter of fact no college education means no work in this organization, is that enough?” Sonia says.

“I guess they can’t be kids forever.”

“Good, and talking about college we can’t let these guys attend different schools, that would increase the risk of an unsupervised indiscretion, so they will all enroll and finish their studies at NSPU.”

“As if I could afford it.” Wendy says.

“A full scholarship will be granted.”

“Still, I can’t afford it.”

“And a monthly stipend for your expenses.”

“I don’t want your charity.”

“It is not charity, it is payment for helping save the world.”

“Then you owe us a lot of money.”

“A REASONABLE stipend will be given to you.”

“And what about Soos? He is also a part of the team.”

“Mabel, don’t get him involved.” Stan says.

“Oh, we are well aware of Mr. Ramirez’ involvement in your adventures, he will be paid per mission and be provided family medical insurance, now, what else were you planning to ask for, Mr. Pines?”

“Vacations, the whole summer.”

“Just minutes into your new job and already want vacations?”

“Yes, but more for the kids than for me, we need to rest and to enjoy some family time.”

“OK, I will wait until september, but not longer, and anyway, by september the kids are already going to be in college, is there anything more any of you want, Messieurs Pines?”

“One thing, my brother and I have a rather spotty criminal record, we would want to make it a little more bright if possible.”

“I see, count on it, anything more?”

“A vehicle, one of those big black SUV’s, not permanently, just for the week, something tells me that our truck must be impounded by now.”

“Agent Trigger will provide you one and help with your truck, something else?”

“We would like our stuff back.”

“Clothes and eating utensils will be given to you, all technological instruments and documents I am afraid you can’t have.”

“I had to try. We would like to leave now.”

“Fine, but before you do I need something to make sure you will come back to us at summer’s end, so how about a handshake?”

“Handshakes with evil powers again? Well, I guess it is better than a signed contract.”

“A handshake with a binding charm.”

“What? I can’t do that, that would make us slaves to the conditions of the agreement and…”

“Let’s make it finite, just one year so you can see we are not evil monsters bent on world domination, deal?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“The memory gun.”

“Then I have no choice, so deal.”

Sonia and Ford shake their hands, and a puff of smoke comes out of their hands.

“Now we are bound Mr. Pines, and as a show of my good intentions I have a present for young Mason.”

Sonia takes her purse and produces from it a large ring of metal that throws to Dipper.

“What is this?” He asks.

“The walls of your castle and the crown of its king.”

“Crown?” Dipper says and then understands and places the ring on his head.

“It blocks all unwanted access to your head, all my agent’s helmets are equipped with one of those.”

“Surely with a tracking chip.”

“Mr. Ford, it is just a ring of metal; sure, made of an alloy that blocks psychic waves but it couldn’t be more analog, If you have doubts you can check it, as I am sure you will.”

“Oh, yes I will, now we would like to leave.”

“Agent Trigger will escort you to your vehicles and provide the SUV you requested, see you next september, Messrs Pines.”

“Pacifica, we will talk later, and Mason…”

“Yes Preston.”

“Stay away from my daughter, and it is Governor Northwest, not Preston.”

When the three government people are alone Townsend asks.

“Was it safe giving them so much freedom?”.

“Philip, you always underestimate the value of kindness.”

“Kindness doesn't work without the presumption of goodwill, and I am sure none of the Pines believe in our goodwill.”

“But they will, we will give them no reason whatsoever not to trust us.”

“They need no reason not to trust us.”

“Then we will keep them so busy they will have no time to plot anything against us, but I would definitely prefer to have their willing cooperation; it is not everyday we can tap the knowledge of a man who has traveled the multiverse, and speaking of knowledge, do you have it with you?”

Townsend nods and proceeds to show Sonia a little box and open it. When Preston sees its content he almost pees in his pants.

“You can’t seriously believe that is a good idea.”

“Preston, this thing contains the knowledge of a being older than time, just the knowledge, it is not that being, we have no reason to fear it.”

“Everything related to that creature is to be feared.”

“Preston, every human has a thing they covet most, to some that thing is power, others want money or fame, me? I covet knowledge and this little thing can give it to me, all the knowledge in the universe.”

“Sonia, I have to agree with Preston, that woman, Alana, seemed to believe that the knowledge came with some of Bill's personality, we need to treat this thing with care.”

“And we will; that woman’s plan was sound, there is no reason why we can’t complete it.”

“Wait, you want to use Mason to access Bill’s knowledge?”

“That is the most sensible course of action.”

“Do you think he will remain vulnerable to psychic attacks?”

“Philip, that man was facing all kind of monsters when he was twelve, creatures that far outclassed him in strength, wisdom and power and he is still here and lots of that creatures not, I am sure he will recover his strength and defenses soon and they will be even more formidable than before, a shame those defenses will have a backdoor.”

“Wait, you rigged his psychic block?”

“As his defenses grow they grow organically, like branches of a tree, and just as you can guide the way a plant grows you can also guide how psychic defenses grow. No one who doesn't know of our manipulations will notice there is a way in, but to us a clear path inside will appear. This is a one in a lifetime opportunity gentlemen, humans are usually born with their defenses already set, so let’s not waste it.”

“And why not use him right now?”

“Our information on the being BIll is awfully scarce, we don’t even know how exactly he was defeated; we know the memory erasing gun was involved somehow from conversations intercepted by bugs placed in the Mystery Shack, that is all.”

“We have one of those guns, don’t we?” Preston asks.

“I am afraid not, I was just bluffing. We know nothing of that demon and I would like to know more about him before I try implanting his memories in Mason.”

“And how are you planning to get that knowledge? The old Pines might work for us now but that doesn’t mean they will share all they know with us.”

“No, they won't do it willingly, so we need to plan the missions we give them very carefully to maximize what we can learn from them.”

“Yes, and in the meanwhile we have their guns and phones to examine and… OH NO!”

The plasma gun starts to emit smoke and the words of Ford cross the mind of the three of them: a bomb powerful enough to destroy a city block.

“I don’t want to die!” Townsend says, paralysed as Preston runs for the door.

“Gentlemen, please remain calm.” Sonia says and seconds later the gun stops smoking.

“It didn’t blow up.” Townsend asks.

“No, but surely it’s circuits and battery are gone.”

“Those backstabbing assholes, give me the order and I will have them arrested.”

“Let them have this little victory, partial victory as I am sure you put all the other confiscated gear inside radio blocking bags, didn’t you?”

“It is the procedure.”

“And you are 100% sure the procedure was followed, aren’t you?”

“I expect that.”

“Expect? You don’t know if the equipment confiscated to the Pines is safe?”

“Sonia, I can’t be watching every single thing.”

“No Philip, just the truly important ones.”

“Maybe you should stop playing with them and force them to cooperate.” Preston says.

“Preston, do you really want to try that? They can pretend to be helping us while they are really sabotaging all our plans, we need their honest cooperation, at least until we get all that we want.”

“Have you tried using money? Miss Corduroy’s family is suffering economic hardship, she might be willing to tell us what her friends are doing in exchange of payment, and she was there when Bill was defeated, she might know what happened.”

“Your daughter was there too.”

“Leave my daughter out of this.”

“Au contraire, Mr. Northwest, she seems to have some kind of friendship with the younger Pines twins, she might be the inside informant we so much need.”

“I don’t want my daughter to have contact with those people; she was a sweet obedient girl until she met that troublemaker Mason Pines.”

“You mean when you tricked him into dealing with your ghost, don’t you?”

“How do you know about the ghost?”

“You had a group of rich influential people temporarily turned into wood, did you really expect them to remain silent? I also had some of my people attend your party.”

“Impossible, the guest list was carefully curated.”

“I had two agents there, they informed me that your daughter had prolonged social contact with young Mason Pines.”

“It was a mistake bringing that boy to the party.”

“Preston, you should encourage that friendship, we could gain so much from it.”

“Or lose my daughter, what if she betrays me, what if she chooses them over us?”

“You need to remind her that she is a Northwest, have her be with you in some of your events, let her learn to flex the power and influence of her name, to enjoy using that power for her own gain, let her enjoy the perks that come with being the daughter of the governor, get her addicted to them in such a way that any threat to you becomes a threat to her.”

“I don’t know, she doesn’t listen to me anymore.”

“Because you want her to obey you unconditionally; your daughter is very intelligent and strong willed, not to mention physically attractive, politically she can be of great help to you. Let her take her own decisions, ask for her help from time to time, ask, not demand, trust her, she might surprise you.”

“I will think about it, now I have to leave, we will talk later.”

“Yes Mr. Governor; Townsend, please make sure all the stuff we confiscated to the Pines has not melted, please.”

Both men leave and Sonia finally relaxes; she is sure Townsend has probably screwed up and all the stuff they took from the Pines; guns, phones and sensors are most certainly gone. She reads the report Powers and Trigger sent about his performance; unable to decide what to do, needed Pacifica’s help to corroborate Mason’s calculations, let Ford Pines lead the confrontation with Alana Corduroy, abandoned a one million dollar boat in the other dimension, allowed Mabel Pines to contact mythical creatures using the ship’s communication systems, lost all the mythical creatures that answered the girl’s call, 12 men injured, 6 seriously; broken back, fingers bitten off by monkeys, hornet stings...
She closes the report, she is in no mood for incompetence, and to think that he is next in line to succeed her as head of the Bureau! Sonia still has some ten years ahead of her before retirement becomes mandatory and she plans to work all those ten years to secure a reliable successor. It would be great if one of the older Pines could take her place except for the fact they are older than her. Powers and Trigger are silent and efficient but they are good only for the field, they have great tactical minds but their strategic thinking leaves a lot to be desired. There is only one person she trusts to be her successor, and to make sure that person will be ready to take her place in time she needs to do some things first, so she calls one of her team leaders.

“Any success so far?”

“Negative, an analysis of all rugs and carpets inside the Mystery Shack show no traces of any kind of anomalies.”

“Did you check the attic?”

“Yes, with negative results.”

“Check also the old house of the Alzamirano family and the landfill, just in case.”

“Understood.”

She makes another call.

“Anything interesting from the analysis of the edible material delivered to you this day?” She asks.

“No, just some mono and disaccharides, carbohydrates both simple and complex and nice levels of vitamin C, that is regarding the berries, the results on the mango like fruits and the meat will be ready tomorrow morning.”

“I want those reports as soon as you have them ready, is that clear?”

“Understood, you will have them before the day ends.”

Sonia hangs up and looks at the little pyramid resting on her desk and thinks of placing it on her forehead but… no, what if the knowledge contained there overcomes her? Better let others take the risk. So, these are her options for a successor; stealing Townsend’s body, a not very attractive choice, discovering what kept Alana Corduroy alive and young for almost two centuries or a bargain with an other-dimensional being.that will grant her more life, for the thing is Sonia trusts no one but herself to be her successor.

32

“Uncle, why can’t we go today to Gravity Falls?”

“I need to rest, and it will do you good to feel like a normal man again doing normal stuff like staying at a hotel for the night.”

“Well it is getting dark and I do feel tired, tired and hungry, we should visit a restaurant and…”

“I said I need rest, Dipper, and so do you.”

“So, room service?”

“Yes, and I am billing those expenses to that Sonia woman.”

Someone knocks on the door.

“I still think we should just leave for Gravity Falls right now, there is nothing here for us uncle.” Dipper says as he opens the door and receives a shock so great he almost forgets to breathe.

“Mom, dad?” He asks as he is smothered between the arms of his crying parents.

“Son, I am sorry we gave up on you, so sorry, it was your sister the one who never lost faith, the one who kept looking when we abandoned you, please forgive us.”

“Mom, dad, there is nothing to forgive, I missed you so much.”

“I will leave you alone.” Ford says, thinking of joining Stan at the bar.

“Glad you are alive, old man.”

“I am too.”

Dipper is so happy and at the same time feels like shit, it feels horrible lying to his parents, but what choice does he have? He can’t tell them he was in another dimension all this time so he has to go with Mabel’s story as ridiculous as it sounds. He really hates that his parents feel so ashamed, so bad for having abandoned him when in reality it is he who has been a bad son, lying to them, keeping things from them, stupidly risking his life.

Mabel joins them and they decide to stay together for some days and they promise Wendy and Pacifica that they will meet them in Gravity Falls next week.

33

A week later

“Hey guys, sorry we are late.” Dipper greets the gang.

“Don’t worry, it must be great to have parents who care so much for you.” Pacifica says.

“Or to have a mom.” Wendy shares.

“Or parents at all; but I guess Abuelita and Mr. Pines were great in that regard.”

“Guys, you want to make us feel bad for having parents? Because it is not going to work; that is something I am never going to feel sorry for.”

“We know Mabel, so, are you ready?” Soos asks.

“Ready for what?”

“Ford wants to see us”.

Soos leads them into the forest and after some minutes they reach a clear. Ford is waiting there with some weird looking hats spread around him.

“Please no, uncle Ford, not now.”

“Oh yes Dipper, I allowed you to have your family fun last week but you need to start rebuilding those defenses immediately, you can't always wear that weird crown, can you?”

“I look like a dork with it.”

“See, now, please, everybody come, this is the first time you are going to see how a human mind is on the inside and….”

“Wait, are you going to train us, to actually train us?”

“Yes Mabel, now put on these…”

“WOOHOO! Mabel Pines, psychic investigator and…”

“Mabel please.”

“Wait, is this safe?”

“Safer than touching a cursed object Miss. Northwest.”

“Relax Pacífica, it is not that weird inside someone’s mind, I was once inside Grunkle Stan’s sleeping mind and you can do all manner of wonderful stuff there.”

“Mabel, that time you accessed Stan’s dreamscape, which is easier to access and quite tourist friendly, now you are going to try to access the mind of a waking, aware of your intentions person. Put on the focusing hats, get comfortable and try to relax, focus on the person closest to you, the hat will help you focus your mind power, it is like training wheels for psychics, Dipper, you are with me, let these guys try it on themselves first.”

An hour passes, Mabel is dizzy, Pacifica has a headache, Wendy’s nose is bleeding and only Soos seems to be fine.

“Great defenses Soos.” Ford tells him.

“Thanks Mr. Pines.”

“Uncle, this is impossible, I can’t catch even the smallest glimpse of Pacifica’s mind.”

“Of course not Mabel, it is practically impossible to access another person’s mind without that person’s complete and absolute cooperation. Now people, let’s focus on Dipper.”

“Wait, why me?”

“So they know what a mindscape looks like.”

“Well, I am not in the mood to have 5 people inside my mind.”

“Good, let’s see how your defenses are working a week after being destroyed.”

“They are still in bad shape, but that doesn’t matter because I have the ring that…. please, uncle Ford!”

“The six fastest fingers in the world, now be a good sport and let these people learn something today, we promise not to make a bigger mess of your mind.” Stan tells him while holding Dipper’s head ring in his hand.

“Well, a little peek inside my mind can’t hurt, can it?”

“Absolutely not; now everybody focus on DIpper, let’s see how good his defenses are and holy!”

“Mr. Ford, what is this place?”

“It is Dipper’s mind Wendy.”

“It looks familiar, Mabel says.”

“It is Northwest Manor, but it is in ruins” Pacifica tells them.

“Boy, your defenses suck, your mind practically sucked us inside you instead of pushing us back.” Ford tells Dipper.

“I told you, Alana really screwed me up.”

“And plainly screwed you, didn’t bro?”

“MABEL:”

“Sorry bro, and where are you? I can’t see you.”

“Because you are in my mind now, let me see if I can create an avatar of me.”

“Dipper, you are not that tall, or that buff, is this how you see yourself?”

“What? I didn’t try to improve how I look.”

“Yes, this is definitely how he believes he is.” Wendy opines.

“Yes? And what about you Wendy, and you Pacifica? Why do you look like supermodels? Wendy, you never wear the kind of clothes you are wearing here!”

“What do you mean? I am wearing just jeans and… wait, what are you seeing Dipper? How are you seeing us?”

“Ahhh, just the regular old yous, that is all.”

“Damn it Dipper, are we fully dressed at least?”

“Hey, that hurts! You are my best friends, I would never do the kind of thing you are implying, not even in my mind.”

“Really? Tell me, what is Pacifica wearing in your mind? Pacifica, what do you think of… Pacifica?”

Pacifica is silent, looking at the ground.

“It is full of images.” She says and everybody then is aware of the thousands of images littering the ground.

“Whoa, what are these, little friend?” Soos asks.

“What remains of Dipper’s defenses.” Ford answers.

“But they are just pictures.”

“Memories, memories and thoughts bound together by willpower and love.”

“Are they destroyed?”

“No, the memories are fine, it was what was binding them together what failed, perhaps something Dipper introduced later weakened the whole structure.”

“Dipper, these are all memories of your time in Gravity Falls except this thing never happened.”

“It happened in an alternate timeline Dipper and I created while time traveling, Wendy.”

“What?”

“It is a long story, it happened the same day I got Waddles and hey, here I am winning Waddles! I didn’t know that was a memory you cherished brother:”

“It made you happy, didn’t it?”

“Yes, and here is Soos protecting us from Stan when we believed Stan was an evil terrorist instead of just trying to save uncle Ford.”

“Dipper, here we are with the UFO, and here fighting Probabilitor, it seems like each of us are drawn to the memories Dipper has of us.” Ford says.

“Little buddy, this is where we exchanged hats!”

“And here when we rescued Waddles from the Pteranodon!”

“These are solid memories, why did they fail?” Wendy asks.

“As I told you, the memories didn’t fail but what was holding them together.”

“Dipper, what do you feel about us?”

“What, why that question Pacifica, what do you mean by us?”

“Us, your friends.”

“Ah, that, you know I care for all of you, you are my people.”

“I see all the nice memories you have here, you say you care for us and yet...not a single message in seven years, Pines? Do you really care for your friends in Gravity Falls?”

“Of course I do, even with all the monsters, scares and constant threats of imminent death I have never been happier than when I was here with you guys.”

“Then why you never called?”

“Pacifica is right, not only you never called but actually avoided us, we had to ask Mabel about you.” Wendy says, a little bit angry.

“Wendy, I… I had just encountered the elec-trolls, all electronic devices were unsafe, I could not call you without putting you in danger.”

“Dipper is right, those things were nasty, at least initially, now they are kind of cute.” Mabel says.

“It took me a year to find a way to counter and reach an agreement with them, and by then the damage was done; I was the weird kid of the school who didn’t use an iPad, who submitted all school papers handwritten in actual paper, I was a weirdo and that reputation followed me into High School. Mabel was the cool kid, I was just her weird brother.”

“That must have hurt.”

“No Pacifica, after some time I came to accept that being a weirdo was the price to pay for living my life.”

“Oh please Dipper! You went from being the town hero to the bottom of the social totem and that didn’t bother you? It didn’t anger you to know that you were risking your life for a bunch of ungrateful assholes and getting nothing in return?”

“I tried not to make much of it.”

“And you managed to do it, you managed to make it not matter?”

“Mostly.”

“Mostly?”

“OK, High School sucked, and so has college so far.”

“So, in all these years, not a single new friend?” Soos asks.

“Hey, I made some friends and got me a girlfriend.”

“Where are they?”

“The friends turned out to be the Berkeley Wolfpack, as in werewolf pack. Fortunately I found a way to undo their curse, unfortunately they were happy with their curse; only during a full moon they suffered from rabid murder frenzies, the rest of the month they were able to control their inner beasts and they liked being beasts. They are still very angry with me.”

“So, the day you came home bleeding and with a big bite in your leg you lied, you were not bitten by a dog, you were bitten by a werewolf.”

“No, well, their leader bit me but he was already cured, he was just in denial and really, really angry.”

“And the girlfriend?” Wendy asks.

“She turned out to be allergic to weirdness, even if she claimed to be an expert on it. I should have run away when she started saying good things about the unicorns.”

“I warned you brother.”

“So your new friends and your new girlfriend sucked, a bigger reason to contact your old friends.”

“I know, but I just couldn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because…. Pacifica was appearing in newspapers with her family, Soos was being elected the head of the Gravity Falls Business Owners Association, Grenda was on actual gossip TV, can you believe it? Wendy, you were in College, living in Seattle surely without time for a dumb high school kid who couldn’t move on with his life.”

“DIpper, you were curing werewolves and keeping the internet safe for all, you were doing great things.”

“But still I couldn’t call you, I was feeling too ashamed.”

“Of not being the most popular guy in school?”

“That, and I also felt ashamed for not calling you in years.”

“So the shame you felt for never calling us was the reason you never called us?”

“Sounds stupid isn’t it?”

“You can be so dumb sometimes.”

“I know I was an idiot, staying away from you all this time and you going to another dimension to help me and almost getting killed: If Alana had managed to seriously hurt any of you I would have probably died; Wendy, Pacifica, you confronting that woman was crazy and yet so brave, you shouldn’t have done it.”

“Dipper, I do as I please, and it pleases me to help my friends.”

“I am of the same mind.” Pacifica says.

“And you are not mad at me?”

“Of course we are you idiot, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t care for you.” Wendy answers while Pacifica nods in approval.

“I think the same.” Soos says.

“And you know I have always loved you, you dumbass.” Mabel says.

“Guys, I, I,,, whoa , what was that?” Dipper says as a bright object briefly illuminates his dark mindscape.

“I think that was a new memory forming, it is here together with another recent memory.”

“What is it uncle Ford?”

“Just this moment.”

“How sweet! And the other recent memory?”

“It might be what made everything collapse, it is... Holy Moly!”

“What is it Ford? Oh damn!”

“Show it to us Wendy!”

“I would like it but this memory is rated R.”

“What is it Wendy?” Dipper asks.

“It is you with an evil ancient witch doing… well… nice bum Dipper, if that is your bum, I mean, how could you possibly remember watching yourself, ahem, having fun?”

“OK, that does it, out of my mind now!”

“Make us leave.” Wendy dares him.

“I said OUT!!”

Dipper opens his eyes and finds himself in the real world, surrounded by his friends.

“Dipper, you managed to kick us out of your mind! That means your defenses are coming back, good work boy, and good work all of you.”

“Wait, you had this planned?” Dipper asks Ford.

“Dipper, let me guess, your defenses didn’t collapse under Bill’s attack but later on the ship, am I right?”

“Yes Uncle, how did you know?”

“As you said, your memories were good memories; it was what was keeping them together what failed and that only happens when fear, regret, shame and doubt weakens your mind. Giving you heart to Alana and then having her try to use your body as a vessel for Bill’s mind weakened your defenses, then watching her hurting Wendy and Pacifica because of your naivete weakened them further and finally realizing the girls had come to help you even when you ignored them for years was the final blow.”

“Those are all just conjectures uncle Ford.”

“You know I am right, I am always right.”

“Just so you know I truly wanted to go rescue you but Stan didn’t let me.”

“Soos, I know you would never abandon any of us and congratulations man, Mabel told me you are expecting a little visitor soon.”

“More a lifetime guest than a visitor.”

“I am happy for you and Melody.”

“Speaking of her, she and Abuelita were cooking a mean dinner, let's not let their food go cold.”

“Dipper?”

“Yes Pacifica?”

“Since you are into all these investigations stuff I wondered if you could help me tomorrow with certain things.”

“Sure.”

“And you Wendy?”

“Let me check my schedule… free for the next three weeks, count on me girl.”

“Cool, I will pick you up tomorrow at 9.”

34

“I never expected this thing of you involved going back to Northwest Manor.”

“McGucket manor, much to my father's despair.”

“And what are we doing here girl?” Wendy asks.

“Looking for the exact moment Corduroy and Northwest blood mixed, that is what. In this underground vault are all the official documents of my family, there must be a mention of a Northwest marrying a Corduroy somewhere.”

“If Alana’s daughter married a Northwest, which I find unlikely, there might be records, but if the union came later the Corduroy name will be buried under a bunch of married names.”

“Then we will go check Gravity Falls People’s Registry, now let’s see what we find here.”

They rummage through old books and ancestry web pages for hours until they think they have an idea when both bloodlines got mixed.

“Corduroy blood entered the Northwest family with mom, she is a descendant of Alana’s daughter.”

“This means that there was no Corduroy blood in the Northwest family until you Pacifica, you are the first one.” Dipper tells her.

“Girl, you were really lucky; no other Northwest in history would have been able to touch the little pyramid without ending up like Powers, and I don’t think Alana would have shocked your heart back to life.”

“Definitely not.”

“Well girls, I am hungry, do you want to pick something at Greasy’s? I invite you.”

“Oh, Dipper, let’s leave the visit to Greasy’s for tomorrow, I have a surprise for you.” Pacifica says.

“For me?”

“For all of you, and I am paying, why don’t we eat something else today?”

“I would really like to invite you to lunch.” A male voice says.

“Fiddleford! I am so glad to see you, I heard you are doing pretty good, aren’t you?” Dipper asks.

“You could say that.” He answers.

Old Man McGucket is standing in front of them, but he is more of a New Man McGucket; he is wearing an expensive gray suit and he is standing as straight as a marine during inspection; his usually long, bushy and wild beard is now neatly groomed and trimmed as those depicted in ancient greek or roman statues.”

“Mr. McGucket, I am sorry for intruding like this in your home.”

“Nonsense girl, you are always welcome here, did you find what you were looking for? Since these are your family's documents I have never touched them but if you need to I can have them all digitized.”

“No need, we found what we were looking for:”

“Good now about lunch, do you like duck?”

They all eat in the large dining room; McGucket offers Wendy and Pacifica some wine and Dipper a can of soda.

“Hey, why no wine for me?” Dipper asks while secretly being grateful; he still finds alcohol too bitter.

“Pacifica as a Northwest has surely had wine in her meals before and Wendy is of legal age but you boy, I heard you are six months younger than your birthday tells.”

“You have spoken with Ford, haven’t you?”

“More like chided him, but yes, I know of your recent adventures and I have to say I am very impressed with these girls’ courage and resourcefulness.”

“Come on, it was a normal day for us.” Wendy says.

“I hope not, don’t let Ford get you involved in his schemes, especially now that the government has him firmly by the… neck; they have been trying to make me give them a new memory gun and all the info I have on dimensional portals for years now, if you make the tiniest mistake with them you are going to end up in a secret jail or working for them for the rest of your life and they don’t pay good salaries.”

“Don’t worry, we don’t plan to become bureaucrats any time soon.”

“Good, now, Pacifica, I don’t want to cause you any discomfort but I really need your parents to pick up all the papers and documents they left here, I am planning on turning this mansion into a Community Center for the town, it is too big for just one man.”

“I will remind them.”

“Good, now would you like a tour of the house? It is mostly the same house you remember but I have made some changes, you should see my greenhouse, I still like to grow some of the food I eat.”

“Sure.”

McGucket leads them through the house; it is a little sad for Pacifica watching the old rooms once filled with cabinets full of their stuff and furnished with heavy, expensive furniture now empty or filled with generic benches and tables, some of them suited only for kids but this is now McGucket's house and this is his vision for helping make Gravity Falls a better place.

“Of course in the upper levels you old room will remain undisturbed so you can have somewhere to stay in Gravity Falls when you don’t feel like putting up with your parents.”

“Thanks.” Pacifica says.

They enter the greenhouse and as the girls look fascinated at the huge, ripe tomatoes Dipper speaks with McGucket.

“Old man, I need your help.”

“Really, what is it? Don’t tell me it is something related to what happened in that other world.”

DIpper tells McGucket what is in his mind, and after some minutes the old man answers.

“If you were any other person I would tell you no, no, no, but I will make an exception for you, so when can I expect this visit to arrive?”

“Tomorrow night.”

“Then see you tomorrow night, Dipper Pines.”

35

Next morning at Greasy’s

“OK, I think I am ready to order.” Mabel says.

“Let me guess; waffles with whipped cream and lots of sprinkles.”

“You sure know me brother, but you missed the side of extra whipped cream. What are you ordering?”

“Probably pancakes, but I am going to wait for Pacifica to arrive, I never thought she was the kind of girl who is late.”

“She is rich, she is fashionably late, but believe me, this is not the case now.” Wendy tells Dipper.

“Why do you say that?”

At that moment their waitress approaches them and asks.

“Are you ready to order guys?”

Dipper instantly recognizes that voice, turns around and is left with his mouth open in astonishment.

“Pacifica, you are our waitress?”

“Yes, what do you think?”

“I.. I.. think it is great! I am sure Susan doesn’t give her employees Gucci uniforms but you look, I mean it looks, you….”

“Thanks Dipper, are you ready to order?”

“I want some pancakes with that natural cherry jam Susan makes, but it has to be the natural one, if it is not as red as Dipper’s face I am returning it to the cook, is that right?”

“Understood Mr. Pines but don’t expect miracles, that tone of red is almost impossible to achieve.”

“Ha, ha, very funny, it seems like someone doesn’t want a good tip today.”

“I don’t do this for money DIpper, use that tip to buy me some ice cream later, there is a new place by the lake that sells some wonderful 100% organic stuff that you need to taste to believe, now, who wants coffee?”

Pacifica takes their order and leaves.

“She is already in the kitchen, you can stop looking that way.” Stan says to his nephew.

“What? It wasn’t that, it is just that, Pacifica a waitress? Pacifica Northwest?” How is that possible!?”

“After the Northwests lost their mansion Pacifica went through a rebel phase, a good rebel phase, trying to make her parents less highbrowed, urging them to be closer to the people, so they decided to let Pacifica be closer to the people and got her this gig at Greasy’s, probably expecting her to be back with them throwing up in revulsion after a couple of days, but the joke was on them, Pacifica not only endured but became much loved by the town. Now every time she is here she asks Susan to let her waitress at Greasy’s for a couple of days, without pay and Susan is happy to oblige: whenever Pacifica is helping her profits shoot through the roof, a phenomenon I can’t explain, can you DIpper? I bet you can, you are very smart.”

“Leave him alone Wendy, or by the time Uncle Stan’s waffles arrive the cherry jam is going to need to be two extra levels or red.”

When Pacifica returns with their dishes Dipper asks.

“Are you not joining us?”

“Don’t be silly, I am working, but remember, Ice Cream at let’s say 7.”

“Sure, but, what is your father going to say if this gets known outside of Gravity Falls? Her only daughter working at a greasy spoon?”

“Oh please, this will probably get his approval percentage at least half a point up, don’t worry about him, now, more coffee?”

After a more than abundant breakfast Ford says to Pacifica.

“Girl, we can’t let you pay all these, even if you are rich it would be an abuse.”

“Don’t worry, Susan says that no Pines will ever pay in her establishment...today, tomorrow is the usual fare.”

“We have to pay something.”

“Well, she told me that if you felt the need to pay her something Stan knows what she likes.”

The coffee Stan is drinking suddenly erupts through his mouth and nose.

“Cough, cough, girl, how much is the bill for this meal?” Stan says.

“Nothing, I told you.”

“Then I am tipping double that, no, triple!”

“OK, I’ll tell Susan. Hey Dipper, I see you are not wearing that dorky mind protection ring.”

“Well, I can’t wear it every day and for some reason I couldn’t find it today.”

“You know that after Bill attacked us your dorky hat became very popular in town; Soos’ supply of them was depleted in a couple of days so getting one now is very difficult, fortunately Soos kept one.”

“Yes I did.”

“And you know, as dorky as that hat was your metal ring is even dorkier, so we thought, how can we make that ring look less dorky? And Mabel came up with the answer; putting it inside something slightly less dorkier.

Soos then open his backpack and…

“Guys, I don’t know it, it does look dorky.”

“Oh please Dipper, put it on.”

“PUT IT ON; PUT IT ON! Everybody starts to chant.”

“OK guys, ok, just because I need the protection.” Dipper answers as his trademark pine tree hat comes to sit on top of his head.

“Oh my God, DIpper, it is you! You need to know that you have a dumb doppelganger whom we had to save a week ago.” Wendy says.

“Wendy Corduroy, you are a funny girl.”

“Sure I am.”

“Now guys I don’t want to kick you out but for some reason there are a lot of people waiting for a table, so...”

“We are leaving and thanks for everything.” Stan tells Pacífica.

“No, thank you, come back to Greasy’s soon, and Dipper, remember, 7 o’clock by the lake.”

Stan, Soos and Ford have something to do in the Mystery Shack and as soon as they leave Mabel starts teasing Dipper.

“My bro has a date with the rich girl.”

“Mabel, please, it is Pacifica, it is not a date.”

“Let me see, just you two since she forgot to invite anybody else, a romantic setting and ice cream, I would say it is a date.”

“It definitely is, I have called worse situations than that a date.” Wendy says.

“But it is Pacifica.”

“Sure, we noticed how well you noticed she is Pacifica; back in Greasy’s for a moment I thought you were going to order a pair of legs instead of pancakes.”

“Wendy come on!”

“Dipper, for some reason she seems to hold you in high esteem, what exactly happened between you two back in the day, back when that ghost attacked you?”

“Nothing, that time I just realized that she was more than the spoiled brat we thought she was, that was all.”

“That was all? That girl didn’t shoot a woman in the face for nothing and by the way you should try not to make her angry, she is very good with a handgun.”

“Wendy, she is Pacifica Northwest, the richest girl in Gravity Falls, the governor’s daughter, I am a regular guy with a dorky hat. Sure, we can be friends but a date?”

“Call it what you want to call it but that girl risked her life for you, maybe she did it without really thinking what she was doing but that makes it even more outstanding.”

“Wendy is right bro, you know I spent most of my time in Gravity Falls despising her, but in the end she fought with us against Bill and even gave us nice birthday presents. Whatever you did to her back at that party it managed to crack the thick rich girl crust of “I am better than you” around her and that hug you shared finished breaking it.”

“Hug, what hug?”

“The one she gave you when you were rescuing my face, it was enough to make her give up on perfect looks.”

“Ah, that hug! How did you know about it?”

“It almost cost me my legs and… wait, that hug? Was there more than one hug?”

“Heh! No, I mean, what makes you believe there was more than one hug?”

“Was there another hug or no?”

“I wouldn’t call it a hug, it was more of a “I am glad we are alive” moment.”

“It is a date.” Mabel says.

“It definitely is a date.” Wendy concurs.

“Wendy, maybe we shouldn’t call it a date or this dork is going to get too nervous and screw it up.”

“OK, it is a meeting of two good friends who happen to be a boy and a girl of about the same age who have shared good moments in the past and feel hugging good when they are together.”

“Girls, you are blowing an ice cream moment out of proportion.”

“Why, don't you like Pacifica?”

“Wendy, don’t ask him that or you might break him, let him have his fun this afternoon and afterwards he can tell us if it was a date or not.”

36

“Dipper, we are just getting ice cream.”

“I know, but Mabel insisted.”

“Thanks anyway, they are beautiful, a little rustic but beautiful.”

“The flower shop was closed so Mabel and I had to spend two hours in the forest looking for them; I don’t even know all their names and Mabel got a horrible rash so don’t get them too close to you.”

“These are Agoseris, these others are some kind of wild garlic or onion, you have a sunflower and dandelions too.”

“All too common, no wild exotic orchids.”

“Don’t worry, I have no time to care for flowers in my apartment, these flowers are perfect, now let’s have some ice cream and by the way, what is in that backpack?”

“My hat in case I need it and some tools in case something weird happens, you never know what will happen when you are in Gravity Falls. Now, where is that famous Ice Cream I have heard you praise so much?”

The ice cream turns out to be quite good, great as a matter of fact.

“Hmm, this is really good, it tastes so, so natural.”

“They go light on sugar and heavy on fruit, I told you it was great.”

They walk along the lake’s edge and after some minutes Pacifica asks.

“So, what do you think of being back in the normal world after such a long time?”

“Pacifica, in my mind I was on that island just a week more than you were, but it feels great, I feel extremely grateful for toilets and showers and food delivered to your house and especially for not having people throwing death rays our way or pointing automatic weapons to our face.”

“That is nice.”

“Sure, and even nicer is being with friends.”

“Don’t you ever forget that.”

“I have been speaking to Mabel and Wendy and they told me you are mean with a pistol, I would have never guessed it.”

“Dipper, I am a Northwest and now the governor’s daughter, I have to know how to defend myself if I don’t want a bodyguard always following me, and having a daughter who knows her way with a gun gets my dad lots of points with the gun nuts and the feminists who like to see a woman who can defend herself.”

“So, you learning to use a gun was your father’s idea?”

“Actually it was mine, after Bill things changed for me.”

“They changed for all of us; so you are smart and a badass, you are the whole deal.”

“And pretty too, don’t ever forget that.”

“Definitely the whole deal.”

“Does that surprise you?”

“No, I always knew you were like that.”

“Always always?”

“Eh, no, initially I thought you were just an obnoxious little brat bent on making everybody’s lives miserable but then things changed; back in the manor when it was obvious we were dealing with an off the charts ghost I was expecting you to abandon me, to leave me to deal with that creature alone, but you led our escape through the maze of rooms and corridors that is that house of yours…”

“McGucket’s house.”

“Technically yes but to me that house will always be Northwest Manor. As I was telling you, you led our escape showing me that you cared for other people besides you, that you considered other people to be, well, people, and then we came close to that huge silver mirror and you refused to let me grab it because we were going to spread a little mud on a fancy carpet and I was like girl, priorities, murder ghost!”

“And I almost paid with my life for that mistake, but you saved me, you stood between an axe wielding spectre and me with just a puny mirror in your hands, what if it hadn’t worked?”

“I guess we would both be dead together with all the people at the party, my sister included, but the journal’s author had never failed me so I had full confidence in what I was doing.”

“Dipper, I want to ask you something, and be honest please.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Did you release the ghost on purpose? You looked so disappointed after learning how my dad and I tricked you.”

“No, no, it was an axe wielding super powerful murder spectre and my sister was at your party, remember? I was not going to set it free. No, the ghost was too powerful to be held on a puny mirror as you called it, it was a category eleven ghost not a haunted painting, he only used that painting to peek at our world before emerging from the chimney. A simple mirror could not hold him, there was only one way to permanently deal with him: the way you did.”

“And yet knowing that you went to face that ghost with your stupid book and a food tray; that tray was stainless steel not silver.”

“It became quite obvious when he blasted it away like nothing.”

“I was so scared then.”

“Because I was turned into wood? I had full trust in you to do the right thing.”

“Really? The expression on your wooden face told me you were terrified, I should have taken a picture of it, and trusting me to do the right thing back then was foolish.”

“I had faith.”

“Sometimes you are so dumb Dipper, but I am glad you trusted me, that night things changed for me.”

“I heard your parents took your credit cards away.”

“I have to admit I had a rough weekend trying to survive with just the roll of cash in my purse and only one butler but it was worth it, we had fun that night!”

“Sure we did, did your father ever find the whale’s skull?”

“Yes, but it took him a week to find all the pieces.”

“Did we really drink half a bottle of cider?”

“Yes we did, but half a bottle is not that much.”

“It is when you are twelve and the hardest drink you have had before is chocolate milk.”

“It was regular cider, not hard cider, it had no alcohol.”

“Really? Because it made me feel a little tipsy.”

“If you felt tipsy that was caused by something other than the cider. It is hard to believe we were ever that young, now look at you, so tall and strong.”

“And look at you, you have also grown and are so… so….”

“So what, Pines?”

“So, so, different, so grown up and yet somehow you are the same Pacifica where it counts, no, a better Pacifica.”

“You know what I remember more about the night we fought that ghost? It is not the ghost himself, or that I ignored a direct order from my dad for the first time, no, what I remember the most about that night is the hours we spent sitting on that bench just talking and talking about stupid things and watching the stars, I had never really looked at the stars the way I did that night, in a way that night I fell in love.”

“What?”

“With the night sky you dummy, I remember how you told me about all the stars in the sky, about all the planets there surely are and I was thinking of all the scary things living in our little planet and all the horrors there surely were up there but also about all the marvelous things that are yet to be discovered, the countless possibilities for those willing to go looking for them. That night you planted a little seed in my mind, Dipper Pines, a seed that has bloomed into the… could you please stop looking at your watch? We are having a moment here!”

“Sorry, sorry, it is just that I…”

“That you what, Pines? Is there anything else you would rather be doing?”

“No, there is nothing else I would like to be doing than sitting here with you, but there is one thing I have to be doing.”

“What is that incredibly important thing?”

“Pacifica, I…”

“Is it something Ford asked you to do?”

“No, he knows nothing about it.”

“Are you working for those government idiots now?”

“No, no, fuck them, no.”

“Then what is it?”

“It is complicated.”

“I like complicated, so tell me what do you need to be doing right now?”

“Pacifica, you are going to get angry.”

“I am already angry, so shoot away Mason.”

Dipper explains to her what is about to happen.

“Dipper, how could you keep this information from us? From me? My life is in danger!”

“I am sorry, but I am sure I can handle it!”

“Dipper, it took all of us to handle your it before.”

“I know, but I am not alone, McGucket is going to help me now and…”

“McGucket doesn’t know what he is getting into, you have no right to put him in danger and… you know what? Deal with it as you want, but don’t count on me to help you. Tomorrow I am leaving for Salem, as weird as it sounds my dad has asked for my help, asked, not ordered me to go or demanded my presence, asked; it is weird that now he is the one who has trust in me.”

Pacifica leaves him while Dipper thinks of how mad Mabel is going to get at him for ruining this date. Well, it was Pacifica, it was not a date, was it? If it wasn’t a date, why can’t he stop looking at that glorious mane of golden hair walking away from him? And why can’t he stop feeling like shit? He is doing a good thing, he thinks, but it was shitty from him not telling anybody else.

“They would not have understood.” He says aloud.

Hours pass and finally it starts getting dark around him and people start to leave. It is already dark when his phone starts beeping. Mabel surely tried to convince his uncle Ford not to call him, not to interrupt his brother’s date but that wouldn’t have mattered to Ford, and just as he had predicted it he is calling him now.

“Dipper, my sensors are catching some strange readings compatible with breach energy to the north, quick, we need to investigate them now.”

“I am sorry uncle, I can’t right now.”

“I will… wait, you can’t?”

“No uncle, you told me I had to live my life and that is what I am doing, I am sure Mabel or Wendy will gladly help you.”

“But Dipper, it is a breach!”

“I know uncle, and I trust my friends and family to deal with it.”

“Dipper, I hope that woman is worthy of this, I truly do.” Ford says and hangs up.

With his family now out of the picture Dipper now only has to wait. 20 minutes later the darkness is broken by the front lights of a big SUV that stops some meters behind Dipper. The diver’s door opens and a man descends from the vehicle.

“Good night old man.”

“Good night Dipper, are you ready?”

“As ready as I can be.”

“When will it happen?”

“In about five minutes.”

They stand in silence for some time until a purplish circle of energy starts spinning just at the lake’s edge.

“Fascinating, I would like to inspect it up close.” Fiddleford says.

“No, wait.” Dipper says and seconds later a bolt of energy shoots from the now spinning purple circle, followed by a figure that flies out of it and lands into the lake, yelling:

“Damn you Mason Pines, Damn you! I don’t care where have you sent me, I swear I am going back to your world to kill you in the most painful way I can think of, you stupid bastard, be ready, I am going to find you and…”

“Alana, I am here.” Dipper tells her as he steps into the circle of light formed by the SUV lamps.

The woman looks at Dipper unable to believe what she is seeing, then she runs out of the water and places a hand on the ground while extending the other at Dipper.

“Alana, there is no energy pulsing below us here.”

“My knife, where is my knife?”

“Alana, stop and listen to me.”

“Listen to you? To you, you traitor? I don’t want to listen to you, I just want to slit your throat, that is what I want to do, I don’t care to what hellish world you have sent me, I don’t care if you are the only one who can take me out of it, I a going to kill you now even if I have to pelt you to death.”

“Alana, you are home.” Dipper says as Alana picks up a large rock.

“Home, what do you mean by home?”

“Oregon, Gravity Falls, Earth, a couple of weeks into your future.”

“You are lying.”

“No, I am not.”

“Why would you send me back home?” Alana asks, dropping the rock.

“Because I don’t hate you and I believe a 157 year prison sentence is enough.”

“Are you stupid, Mason Pines? I might be home but there is nothing here for me.”

“You are wrong, Alana, before we do anything else let me introduce you to Fiddleford McGucket.”

“Another Ford.”

“Yes, an IQ as high of the other Ford but smarter in all other regards.”

“And what with this new Ford, and what is IQ?”

“He is the new owner of Northwest Manor.”

“Is he a Northwest? Do I have to kill him too?”

“No, he is not a Northwest, his last name is McGucket, didn’t you hear me say his name?”

“His mother could be a Northwest.”

“No, that is not the case.”

“And what with him?”

“He wants to transform Northwest Manor into something good for the people, to give it back to the townsfolk, make it a place everybody can visit, a place where people can learn something new, practice a new craft, play music, sing or just spend some time there relaxing.”

“And what that has to do with me?”

“He would very much like you not to burn it to the ground.”

“It is an evil place.”

“It was an evil place but it will change, it is no longer the home of the Northwests, now it is the house your father and his people built, it finally is.”

“And why should I care for that?”

“Mr. McGucket has agreed to let you be a part of it, to live there, to help him make it a better place.”

“So he wants me to be his servant?”

“He wants you to help him manage it; due to his job he has to spend a lot of time away from Gravity Falls and he needs someone to take care of his affairs while he is not here and he believes someone with your background can be of help.”

“I know nothing of your modern world.”

“No, but you know a lot about running a household and giving proper maintenance to a large wooden structure, that you know. And if you don’t like it there you can always leave.”

“Where could I go? I have nowhere to live and no money.”

“Yes you have, I brought your money with me, it is now less because the government decided to tax it but it will help you get an education or a place to live while you find out what you want to do with your life, house prices in Gravity Falls are really low compared to other places.”

“You are asking a lot, Mason Pines, what should I do about the Northwests still around, about your little champagne and flowers?”

“Leave them alone, they are not the same Northwests who hurted you, they are not the same people who wronged your father and caused his death.”

“But they are of the same blood.”

“That concept has no weight now, today it doesn’t matter who your father or mother are but the things you do, your sins are your own and your own only, they are not your children’s. Nathaniel Northwest is long gone, if you believe in such things he is now paying for his crimes in the other world and his descendants have lost their ancestral home. Pacifica Northwest is a good woman who doesn’t deserve your hate, she is the kind of person who would lend you a hand if you were not trying to kill her.”

“Me, accept to shake the hand of a Northwest? Are you mad?”

“No I am not. Even after all the death threats you have hurled my way I believe you are not a bad person; my friends tell me that you didn’t kill a single person back in the crystal mountain, that you even helped the man who tried to remove Bill’s pyramid from my forehead.”

“But I did try to kill the Northwest girl.”

“Yes, because you thought that would be justice but tell me, have you ever killed someone before?”

“No but I am not weak, I won't hesitate to take a life if needed.”

“I am not calling you weak, to the contrary, not wanting to kill someone, even if you hate them is really courageous.”

“Mason, I don’t know if I can erase the hate I have felt for so long.”

“Don’t erase it, it is OK that you hate Nathaniel Northwest, he was evil, he deserves to be hated, but not Pacifica, not her.”

“She tried to shoot me in the head.”

“Because you were trying to hurt me and hurting Wendy, she is very courageous and while not evil she will not hesitate to defend those she calls her friends by whatever means possible, and she is also very smart, by the time she shot you she must have already figured out that those bullets were not going to touch you, she was probably just trying to distract you.”

“So I should leave her alone?”

“Yes, she is actually your blood, she descends from your daughter and by extension from you, so even if you hate her she is your family. You should also leave Wendy alone and my sister and my uncles too, whatever they were doing to you they were doing it because you were threatening me, they are not bad people, give them the chance and they can also be your friends.”

“My friends?” Alana says and starts laughing.

“You were friendly to Ford and me in the beginning, if Nathaniel Northwest had not poisoned your soul don’t you agree we could have all been friends?” Dipper asks.

“Without Nathaniel Northwest I would have probably died a century ago but yes Mason Pines, we could have been friends, I could have been friends with your people and probably something more with you but now, knowing what I know I don’t think friendship is possible, I don’t want it, I don’t desire it, if I am not an avenging Corduroy then what am I?”

“Whatever you want, you are young or at least young looking, you are strong, you are smart, in this world someone like you can be whatever she wants.”

“And what if what I want is killing you?”

“You know what, I am truly stupid for believing you could understand me, I don’t care what you want now, I just want you away from our lives, you stupid evil piece of a…”

“I will do it.”

“What, you will do what?”

“I will give this thing you are proposing a try, I will go with this other Ford, live in Northwest Manor and help him make it a good place for the people, then I will maybe try visiting other places, learn more about this world of yours, see what I can do now that I have the freedom to choose my own path. I am tired of being alone and was bored to death on that island. I want to live in this new world of yours. Besides, I don’t know if detectives like Columbo or that annoying Mrs. Fletcher are real so I will not play it rough for the moment..”

“What about my friends?”

“They are safe, I would never harm the Corduroy girl unprovoked now, I like her, I wish I could have been more like her back in the day, I would have probably just gone to Nathaniel and cleave his head in two with and axe instead of asking for supernatural help. I will also leave your little blonde Northwest alone as long as she doesn’t cross my path, as you said she is my blood so I will respect her for the moment; your sister and your uncles are also fine with me, I will try to honor your concept of not extending a person’s sins to his family, but you Mason, if I don’t feel happy with this arrangement you have designed for me or are somehow trying to fool me am going to look for you and cut your throat, is that clear?”

“Very clear.” Dipper answers.

“Good, now, where are your friends and family? Don’t tell me you didn’t inform them of my arrival?”

“Remember you promised not to hurt them.”

“Relax, I am not planning a surprise visit to them, at least not one with bad intentions, I do am a woman of my word, but it strikes me as odd that you didn’t tell them I was coming and that they are not here pointing their guns at me just in case. Well, we can talk about that later, I have just had a fight with you and your friends in another world just some minutes ago and I need to rest, so let's go see my new home.”

“This way Miss Corduroy.” McGucket tells her, holding the door of his SUV open.

“Alana, before you go, can I have my phone back?”

“Here, take it, but it stopped working when I hit your chest and ...oh my, look at this car, it is so big! I always wanted to get inside one.” Alana says as she jumps into the car.

Dipper grabs Fiddleford’s arm and pulls him some meters away from his SUV, out of reach of Alana’s ears.

“McGucket, are you sure of this? I don’t know if it will be safe for you.”

“Relax, we will be OK, this young lady is quite intriguing.”

“She is older than you.”

“Yes, but has no knowledge of our world or our technology, she is like a little girl in that regard.”

“A dangerous little girl, tell me, you don’t have a weapon in your glove compartment, do you?”

“Just my paralysing gun but don’t worry, it is fingerprint locked, even if she tries using it it won't work for her.”

“Hey look, this vehicle has a roof window! Do you use it so rain water can enter and make cleaning easier?” Alana asks, half her body out of the sunroof.

“Just a little girl.” McGucket says.

“Take this bank card, with it Alana can access her money.” Dipper tells McGucket while giving him an envelope.

“Give it to Alana, it belongs to her.” McGucket tells him.

“I don’t know if that would be safe, she could use it to buy a gun, you don’t have guns she can easily access in your house, do you?”

“All my guns are fingerprint locked except for some old muzzle loading muskets I have on display.”

“McGucket, those are the exact kind of gun that Alana knows how to use!”

“They are locked inside a display protected with ballistic glass, don’t worry.”

click, click, click.

“What is that clicking noise?” Dipper asks and turns to see Alana pulling the trigger of Fiddleford’s gun, pointing it at him.

“Damn, why this thing doesn't work?”

“Alana, you promised!”

“Relax, I was just shooting at your feet, trying to have some fun.”

“At the ground close to my feet, you mean.”

“Sure and..”

That moment music comes out of the SUV’s stereo.

“This car has a radio thing! Is this modern music?”

“It is Beethoven, it is older than you.”

“And he is still alive?” She asks.

“McGucket, I can’t let her go with you.” Dipper whispers to the old man.

“Everything will be alright, Dipper, if I need something I will give you a call, now go back to your home and let me take care of your friend.” He says as he jumps into the driver’s seat.

As they drive away Dipper can still hear them.

“You are not tying me, old man!”

“It is a seat belt!”

And they are gone.

37

It is a long walk back to the Mystery Shack and the road is lonely and dark but Dipper doesn’t mind, his family must be still looking for the source of the dimensional breach and when they find the decoy Dipper left there there are going to be lots of questions thrown his way, hard questions.

“Did I do the right thing?” Dipper asks the night when something drops from a tree and falls on top of him.

“No bro-bro, definitely not!”

“Mabel, are you going to vet school or ninja school?” Dipper asks, his face on the ground.

“Vet school, the ninja part is natural.” She says as she retracts the cord of her grappling hook.

“Wait, how long have you been here?”

“Enough time, brother, enough.”

“You didn’t go check the dimensional anomaly?”

“Hey guys, Dipper wants to know if we fell for his dumb plan!” Mabel tells the forest, and the forest answers.

“Dipper, I know the energy signature of my own decoys.” Ford says as he emerges from the shadows, a big scoped gun in his hands.

“Dipper, what were you thinking, bringing that woman here and not telling us?” Wendy asks as she stands up from the tall grass she had been hiding.

“But how did you know where to find me, are you tracking me?” Dipper asks while standing up.

“No, I told them.” Pacifica says as she slowly descends from the same tree Mabel was hiding.

“Need help? I can lend you my grappling hook.”

“No Mabel, I am fine.” Pacifica answers as she jumps and lands with both feet firmly planted on the ground.

“Boy, I am officially certifying you as an idiot.” Stan says, peeking from behind the boulder he was using to hide and moving his head from side to side in disapproval.

“Did you guys see everything?” Dipper asks.

“Sure, through the scope of my rifle. What were you thinking boy, sending that woman here? She tried to kill Pacifica and implant Bill’s mind in you, she is evil incarnate.”

“Uncle Ford, she is not evil, she…”

“Then she is crazy! Murder crazy! Her presence here puts you and Pacifica in danger and by extension it puts all of us who care for you in danger.”

“She promised to leave us alone.”

“Did you believe her? And even if she was honest she promised to leave everybody alone but you, you are not off the hook with her.”

“I will handle her when the moment comes.”

“Like you did last time?”

“What were you expecting me to do uncle? Send her to a hellish dimension or to outer space or to any other place where she would have died in seconds? I am not like that uncle Ford.”

“Tell that to the Calabasas vampire.”

“Uncle Ford, I hate everything related to how we handled that case! I have always wanted to be like you but there are things I just can’t do, I don’t like hurting people or monsters or even undead creatures! Keeping them from hurting other beings sure but not hurting them, not anymore.”

“Dipper, I am not angry because you spared that woman’s life, I like that you are not like me, what I am angry about is that you not only kept everything a secret but actually tried to fool us, have us away while you were meeting a known psychopath; if Pacifica had not told us about your plan and Alana had decided to go murder crazy on you, what then? Could you have hurt her to stop her? And what if she had hurt McGucket?”

“Uncle Ford, I stand firm in what I said; for all the murder Alana promises she has yet to kill a single person.”

“She did try to kill me.”

“I know Pacifica, sorry.”

“And she tried to give your body to the bootleg version of Bill Cipher.”

“I know but if she can just see beyond her hate, maybe she can…”

“She can what, Dipper? Be your girlfriend?”

“I...no, I am not that big of a fool.”

“You are a big enough fool as you are.”

“Dipper, I don’t understand why you don’t trust us, you know we will do anything to protect you.”

“Well Uncle, you are not that good a protector, you let Alana point a gun at me and pull the trigger various times.”

“I recognized McGucket's paralysing gun and knew it needed his fingerprints to work, and even if it had worked it would have been a good lesson for you, being at the mercy of a murderer, sorry, would be murderer who could have just thrown you into the lake and be done with you, not that I would have let her hurt you but still it would have been great seeing your face when that happened. Now, where is Soos? SOOS!”

A truck turns on its lights in the distance and drives towards the group.

“Did you call?” Soos asks.

“Yes, let’s get out of here...and where are you going Dipper? You were going to walk home, didn’t you?”

DIpper, who has a leg already in the truck’s bed jumps out of it and says.

“I do need the walk uncle Ford; see you later guys.”

“See you later boy, and hear this: I am smarter than McGucket, never forget that.”

The truck advances some seconds when it stops and Dipper sees Pacifica get out of the truck and walk towards him.

“You should go back to the truck. It is a long walk to the Mystery Shack.” He says.

“I am not going to the Shack, I left my car parked at Greasy’s.”

“It's still a good walk there.”

“I know, and I don’t really want to walk all the way there but we thought that someone should make sure you didn’t make anything stupid and the general consensus was sending me to do that.”

“You?”

“Yes, maybe they thought that since you told me about Alana’s unexpected arrival I could extract more hidden info from you.”

“That was all I kept from you, honestly.”

“And that was enough, Ford is really mad at you.”

“I noticed.”

“And so are Wendy and Mabel, although it seems like they are disappointed for something else too.”

Probably for ruining our “date”, Dipper thinks and then asks.

“And you?”

“Still considering sending someone to break your legs, dad knows an ex special forces guy quite handy for that kind of job.”

“I probably deserve it.”

“Probably?”

“Certainly.”

“It is dark, you have a flashlight in that backpack, don’t you?” Pacifica asks as the lights of Soo’s truck vanish in the distance.

“Sure.” Dipper answers and lights the way.

“So, I really messed up this time.”

“Big time, dork, big time.”

“I never truly intended to cause problems to any of you, I was just worried about my uncle; I feared he would have just frozen Alana and added her to his cabinet of monstrous curiosities.”

“I find it hard to believe Ford could do something like that.”

“Maybe not forever, just for some time until he had managed to find a way to send her somewhere else, and that would have been so unfair to Alana!”

“So, you still feel something for her?”

“Pacifica, she was willing to kill you without knowing who you really are just for some old grudges you had nothing to do with; I don’t find that behavior attractive at all. No, whatever I felt for her is now gone but that doesn’t mean I want to cause her further harm; who knows how any of us would fare after spending 150 years in solitary confinement.”

“That is hard to answer, especially considering how just seven years have been enough to change us.”

“Well, people change a lot when they stop being kids and grow up into adults.”

“And do you like it Dipper, the way we have changed?”

“I do, I like the way we are now, even though I sometimes miss the feeling of excitement and adventure I felt back then, especially if I compare it to the feeling of dread I usually get now that I know better. I can’t believe how cocky I was when you asked me to bust your ghost, if someone would ask me now to get rid of a ghost I would demand all possible info, a month to properly investigate the haunting and probably check if my last will and testament are in order.”

“You have a last will and testament written?”

“Yep.”

“But Dipper, you are just 19!”

“And I have been dodging death for the last 7 years, statistically it is highly likely that it will get me sometime soon.”

“If you insist on facing it alone, sure, but if you face it with your friends and family I bet you are going to die of old age in your bed.”

“Bedridden and old, that is not too enticing”

“How about with someone who loves you by your side, don’t you want to find someone willing to walk by your side even in the darkest nights?”

“It would be great, but it is difficult to find someone who understands my life or that is just willing to accept that the weirdness surrounding us is real.”

“Maybe you should look for someone who is already neck deep in that kind of stuff.”

“Sure, like they fall down from trees.”

They walk for some more minutes and then Dipper turns off the lamp.

“Hey, why did you turn the light off?”

“Look up.”

Pacifica looks up and his gaze meets and incredibly starry night.

“This is a beautiful night, it reminds me of the night we faced the ghost.”

“Oh, Dipper, you have no idea, don’t you?”

“Yes, yes… I mean no, idea of what?”

“Dipper, why did you program that vortex to send people to this date?”

“I don’t know, I had to put a date to run a test and somehow this day popped into my head.”

“Was it random?”

“Yes, but I felt there was something special about today.”

“Dipper, this is the exact night we defeated the ghost; seven years ago this very moment you were accusing me of being just another link in the world’s worst chain.”

“No, that night was…. you are right, it is tonight!”

“Of course it is you dummy.”

They walk some more and Dipper says.

“This moment I was trying to exorcise the ghost with not very good results.”

“Yes, you set it free, you were not a very good ghost hunter, you know?”

“Hey, I was twelve and it was my second ghost, and remember it was a category eleven ghost, completely off the charts, it was like asking me to earn my driver’s license winning a formula 1 race.”

“Second ghost?”

“Well, technically third, but the other two ghosts came as a pair.”

“What happened?”

“They were an old couple who hated teens and attacked Wendy´s friends.”

“And how did you manage to get out of that situation?”

“That I am never going to tell.”

“Why? Did you have to do something horrible?”

“Beyond horrible, ignominious.”

“You are going to tell me what you did, Dipper Pines.”

“No, no, never.”

“Of course you are, what if I find myself someday in a similar situation?”

Dipper bursts into laughter.

“I would love to see that!”

“So, what was it?”

That instant a distant bell announces the arrival of midnight. Dipper stops smiling, looks into the sky and says

“Right now I was turning into wood.”

“Dipper, I am so sorry, if I had just opened the gates before you wouldn’t have had to suffer that.”

“It wasn't painful at all, just a numbness spreading through your body until it reached your head and then you stopped feeling anything.”

“Maybe it wasn’t painful but I am sure it was terrifying.”

“I was more worried for my sister and her friends, I couldn’t stop thinking I had failed them.”

“Dipper, that night you did everything right.”

“And so did you.”

“Really?”

“Well, you took your time and the road you took to reach that final moment of triumph was a little bumpy but yes, when it was time to deliver you surely did.”

“This moment the ghost was saying his farewell and it was strange; he had tried to kill me and my family but when he left I felt something similar to peace and happiness, and not only for me but for him too.”

“You helped him move on to the other side with his heart’s truest desire fulfilled, he was happy and at peace and look, there is mud there.”

“Don’t you even think about it, these are 600 dollar boots.”

“600 dollars? For that money I would expect them to be waterproof and self-cleaning.”

“You can step on the mud and foul the already muddy forest if so you want.”

“OK, let’s skip the mud. Pacifica, remember how we spoke about the stars?”

“Dipper, are you going to give me astronomy lessons?”

“Oh, no, all I know about astronomy has been on the go as I needed it, you are the expert now, so, what is that light over there?”

“Dipper, that is Saturn, and the star to it’s right is not a star either, it is Jupiter but you knew that, didn't you?”

“Well, yes.”

“Come on, challenge me, make me a hard question.”

“That star there?”

“That is Vega.”

“And that?”

“Deneb, that constellation is…”

“The swan, I might not know stars but I surely know my constellations.”

“That star is altair.” Pacifica says, pointing to a star in the sky.

“The eagle constellation.”

“Really Dipper, swan and eagle?”

“Sorry your almighty correctness, Cygnus and Aquila, with a capital letter at the beginning.”

“Much better. You know, Deneb and Altair, together with Vega form the Asterism known as the summer triangle.”

“Oops, are we going to talk about triangles?”

“Maybe, did you see the triangular asterism close to the moon in the other dimension? I gave it a name.”

“Yes, what name did you give it?”

“Asshole in the sky.”

“I know in honor of whom you named it.”

“I bet you do.” Pacifica answers and laughs and Dipper laughs too. He looks into her eyes and he can swear he can see the stars reflecting on them, little glimmers of light dotting two small universes just in front of him.

“Now we are only missing the cider, Pines.” Pacifica says.

“Well, I have no cider but I brought an apple and some tea, it will have to do.”

“Wait, you brought an apple and tea to our date? What for…. oh, I get it.”

“Pacifica, I…”

“In case that she-devil was hungry and thirsty when she arrived here, am I right?”

“Pacifica…”

“Let’s go Mason, my car is less than 5 minutes from here now.”

They walk in silence, the magic between them broken. As Pacifica gets into her car Dipper says.

“Pacifica, I know that Alana upsets you, I understand that having her here is a constant threat to you but know this, I will never let her or anybody else hurt you or any of my friends.”

“If you hadn’t sent her here she would be in no position to hurt me or any of our friends, don’t you think?”

“I know, it is just that hurting her, hurting people, that is not me.”

“Hey, believe it or not I understand. Goodnight Dipper, I have to drive many hours tomorrow so I would like to rest, want me to drive you to the shack?”

“No, it is late and I don’t want to be the reason you have an accident tomorrow, and the latest I arrive at the shack the more people I will find asleep.”

“You are just postponing the inevitable, you know?”

“Yes.”

“And you know whatever is coming you surely deserve it.”

“Yes.”

“Say goodbye to everyone for me please, I don’t know if I am going to be able to return to GF before the next semester starts so please tell them that I found them not as annoying as when we first met.”

“I will tell them you will miss them a lot.”

“Dipper, it is less than three weeks before classes begin, you should already be in Singularity Hollow checking your new government sponsored accommodations.”

“Checking for bugs and hidden cameras you mean.”

“That too, and Dipper, be ready for I plan to be the first Northwest valedictorian who didn’t buy the honor so you better bring your best game to school this semester because I am cutting you no slack, is that clear?”

“As your sky blue eyes.”

“Then see you later Dipper, thanks for the evening.”

“No, thanks to you, I really enjoyed talking to you, we should do this more often, maybe when school starts.”

“Dipper, what are my high society friends going to say if they see me with a dork like you?”

“Oh.”

“Just kidding, sure, we can talk again at school, good night Dipper.”

“Good night Pacífica.”

Dipper watches Pacifica slowly drive away until the rear lights of her car disappear around a curve of the road and he thinks that, even if it was not a date, he really enjoyed the evening and especially the company, so maybe it really had been a date. Now that he has talked to her Dipper comes to the realization that he had actually missed Pacifica all these years. It had been great discovering how amazing Pacifica is now: she is smart, courageous, two levels above gorgeous and just remembering how she looked in her waitress uniform makes him feel uncomfortable in a very good way but who is he kidding? It is Pacifica after all, she probably has a line of suitors long enough to reach Portland Maine from here, what chances does he have with her? He is just a nerdy middle class boy who will probably get eaten by a monster before he can graduate so it is better to keep her as his friend than risk sending her away from his life because of foolish romantic pretensions.

Still, she did look pretty hot in that uniform.

38

The gate to the Northwest’s house opens and Pacifica slowly enters and parks her car, trying to be as silent as possible; she doesn’t want to wake up either the maid or the butler even though a cup of hot coffee spiked with something harder would do her well right now.

“Stupid Dipper and stupid Pacifica, stupid, stupid, stupid!” She says out loud. What was she thinking? Was she really flirting with that dumb boy? And to make things worse she went and called their little reunion a date in front of him and he was so clueless as to not set a date for a second one! Being honest Dipper doesn’t deserve her, he is a dork who will probably reach mid level management at best and that if he manages to survive that long, he has no money to call his own, his parents are a great unknown to her and her own parents despise him, although this last thing is probably a point in Dipper’s favor.

She thinks: Girl, you can do better than him, much better; after all, ultra smart men who have faced and survived all powerful demons and have proved time after time to be willing to sacrifice everything for those they love are just a rock throw away.in any direction.

“Girl, how could you have fallen for him so fast?”

“It wasn’t that fast, the feeling has been there seven years.” She answers herself.

“Please, seven years ago you were just a little girl who didn’t know better.”

“That is true, but you are a smart grown woman now, has that condition changed the way you feel for him?”

“Damn it, I hate how well you know me.”

She had gone looking for Dipper to please her professors and as payment for all the good he inadvertently had done in her life but she had not expected to find him so tall and charming, so strong and yet so vulnerable, so smart and at the same time so disarmingly and annoyingly clueless. He had changed a lot but deep down she recognized the old Dipper, the Dipper who had gone to the mansion seven years ago to help her get rid of a ghost, the Dipper who together with his sister rallied the town to fight Bill, the one who had led an assault on an omnipotent demon, the guy who would risk everything to keep everybody safe.

“But he is so clueless, clueless is his defining characteristic.”

“Well, you were flirting with him just a couple of weeks after his ex-girlfriend tried to use him in a bad way and he had to send her away through time and space to keep everybody safe, give it time, after all, Alana first knew about you from Dipper’s diary and yet she called you champagne and flowers twice, didn’t she?”

“Yes, but Dipper could have written that in a sarcastic way.”

“And what about his mindscape, he didn’t choose it to resemble Northwest Manor for the love he feels for your parents, don’t you think?”

“Well, no, I don’t think so, but maybe he did it because that house is roomy enough to put all his mind stuff there, that dork has probably never seen a house that big before or since.”

“What about all the good things he said about you to Alana?”

“Those only prove that he doesn’t know me, I would never give my hand to that witch, never.”

“But he named the protocol to get home the Northwest protocol and programmed it to activate on a very significant date even if he probably didn’t realize what he was doing, didn’t he?”

“Yes he did.” She answers herself and smiles.

39

Dipper gets into his room and looks around; Mabel is not sleeping on her bed.

“Come on Mabel, you can come out from wherever you are hiding… Mabel?”

He hears a toilet flush and seconds later Mabel runs to him.

“Damn it, two hours hiding waiting for you and the moment I need to pee you arrive, not fair!”

“And what were you planning to do when I arrived?”

“Following you marching while chanting: the idiot has arrived, the idiot has ARRIVED!”

“Shhh, you are going to wake up everybody.”

“I want everybody to wake up so we can all tell you what you deserve to hear.”

“But think of Melody! In her condition she needs to rest, the first trimester is usually bad.”

“Damn it, always a cool answer for everything, but I am not going to stay silent, so move it Mason.”

“I need to use the toilet and change into sleeping clothes first.”

“Do it, but I will be waiting and watching in case you try to escape.”

Minutes later Dipper is lying on his bed, teeth clean and wearing comfortable clothes. When she is sure she has all of her brother's attention Mabel says:

“Leaving out criminal behavior, there is one thing that is the worst whenever you are on a first date, the worst, you know what that is?”

“You are surely going to tell me.”

“Bringing up your ex in any way and what do you do? You bring up your ex! Actually you brought her not into the conversation but actually into our home dimension, couldn’t you have waited a couple more days?”

“When I sent Alana into the dimensional vortex I was not thinking of any dates with Pacifica Northwest, you know.”

“HA! so you admit it, it was a date!”

“No, no, I mean, if it had been a date it would have been a very atypical one.”

“A disastrous one, don’t you mean?”

“No, no, it wasn’t that bad. Well, Pacifica left fuming once but before that I was really enjoying our time together.”

“She immediately came here to warn us about Alana.”

“So when Ford called me he already knew what I was planning.”

“Yes.”

“So when he told me that he hoped that woman was worthy he was not referring to Pacifica.”

“Dipper, Ford likes Pacifica, don’t be surprised if he replaces you with her someday; Pacifica, Wendy and I could be Ford’s Angels, fighting other dimensional demons and evil witches, saving dork brothers from certain death while looking fabulous doing it.”

“You would be great, you know?”

“I know.”

“So what now?”

“Depends on you, when do you have a second date with Pacifica?”

“I don’t know, maybe when we are both in college and…”

“Wait, you didn’t ask her for a second date? Are you dumb?”

“No, no, I just thought that with the huge blunder I made today she wouldn’t want to see me again anytime soon.”

“Dipper, you should always ask for a second date even if just to give the girl a chance to say no… poor Pacifica!”

“So, is it serious?”

“Yes, very serious, serious enough to demand that you call her tomorrow first thing in the morning.”

“She is going to see her father in Salem, something about helping him.”

“And you didn’t offer to go with her?”

“Mabel, it is Preston Northwest we are talking about, he doesn’t like me and he controls the state police so I believe it wouldn’t have been convenient for me to go.”

“A pretty girl demands sacrifices, you know.”

“Mabel, she is just a friend; shure, I enjoy being with her, but where would I stay in Salem? The governor’s manor? I don’t think so and I don’t have that much money to spend on hotels, even cheap ones, I don’t even have money in my bank account. Fortunately I was not declared legally dead so it is still working but I have a grand total of 72 dollars to call my own. I am going to have to find a job in Singularity Hollow if I want to have money for eating.”

“We are going to be paid to study there, remember?”

“We are going to be given money but somehow I fear the ones who are going to end up paying something are going to be us.”

“That sounds ominous.”

“It is, and what are you planning to do tomorrow?”

“I need to go to Davis to pick up my stuff”

“Mabel, that is a day long ride, you can’t do it alone.”

“I already did that journey alone coming here and my car may be old but is in perfect condition.”

“Our car, you mean.”

“My car, don’t you remember what dad said?”

“Yes: Mabel, you are the responsible adult of the two of you so we have made an effort and bought you a car, Dipper can use the bus until he learns what responsibility really means; Dipper, grades are not everything in life and blah. blah and a lot more blahs.”

“You should have thought of the consequences of all those times mom and dad didn’t find you in your bed early in the morning.”

“The story of my life, maybe I should have chosen to study somewhere further away from Piedmont than Berkeley.”

“As if you could have afforded your own apartment, now, do you really want to make a day long trip with your sister to help her pick up her stuff?”

“Sure, and the day trip back too.”

“So, roadtrip?”

“Yes, road trip.”

“You realize I am going to be constantly asking about your non-date with Pacifica all the time, do you?”

“I would expect nothing less.”

“And I am going to call you a dumbass probably a dozen times per hour, do you understand that?”

“Yes.”

“Alright then, Pines Twins road trip tomorrow.” Mabel speaks as she rests her head on her old pillow and thinks that her brother surely is a dork but a good intentioned one with a heart of gold and it is up to her to put him in top shape for a direct assault on the rich girl’s heart, but judging by the way Pacifica looked at Dipper while they were at Greasy’s, the castle walls might be frailer than everybody thinks.

“Mabel, why are you smiling?”

“Nothing, just thinking.”

“Those smiles of you usually mean you are planning something, should I be scared?”

“No, definitely not, or maybe a little.” Mabel says as her smile widens.