Chapter Text
“I don’t love him like that!” Yibo said seriously with a stoic face.
“What do you mean, Yibo?” Xuan Lu asked, shocked at the revelation.
“I mean..I’m not in love…not the kind of love you think anyway” Yibo replied calmly
“And what kind is that?” Xuan Lu countered
“You know what I mean, Jiejie”
“No Yibo.. I don’t.. please do explain so the dumb me can understand. All this time, you have been following him around like a puppy, spend all your time with him, treat his things like your own, fight with him and even flirt with him…and after all this you mean to say that this is not Love?” she couldn’t believe what Yibo was telling her.
“Well..yes..I was just being…myself..my true self with Zhan ge…and..I never flirted. I was just being friendly.. just like any other co star would. I guess everyone misunderstood our friendship. It was never like that Jiejie..never more than friendship. Zhan ge knows that and he feels the same…I hope” he added slowly
Xuan Lu remained silent, unable to tell him the truth. It was not her place to tell, but her heart ached for Xiao Zhan. She knew he will be devastated and somehow she felt responsible…responsible for making Zhan see the non existent love in Yibo’s actions. Zhan was always confused and unsure of Yibo’s feelings..of his own feelings…but she was the one who assured him up that Yibo probably loved him as much as he did..that he might also be protecting his career and reputation and hence not openly expressing his love. She was wrong.. she was so wrong about everything and she hurt Xiao Zhan unintentionally. Nevertheless she hoped that Zhan never finds out about this. It’s better for him to be oblivious and not be crushed over the unrequited love.
“Jiejie…what’s wrong?” Yibo’s words snapped her out of her thoughts and she walked away without another word to Yibo.
“Jiejie wait!” Yibo called but Xuan Lu was gone in an instant.
She went looking for Xiao Zhan in the party. She had to stop him before he put their plan in motion. Last month when the three Untamed siblings met up for a late night dinner, Zhuocheng and Xuan Lu said they’ve had enough of Xiao Zhan pining over Yibo and encouraged him to finally confess. It had been more than a year already and Zhan still couldn’t stop talking about Yibo every time they met. So it was decided that Zhan would confess to Yibo that night.. at the success party of the show.
Zhan had been a nervous wreck since then. But this isn’t how she expected the night would turn out to be. She has to protect Zhan tonight from heartbreak.
When Xuan Lu found Xiao Zhan, he was talking to Zhuocheng. Zhuocheng was planning the after party hoping Yibo will join Zhan finally as a couple. Zhan simply nodded along agreeing with his plan.
“ZhanZhan..about that…may be you should do this some other time. Tonight.. I just want it to be the three of us.. just the Jiang siblings for one more night” she tried to steer them away from the idea.
“JieJie, what are you saying.. we waited whole month for this..no way..we can’t back out now” Zhuocheng protested but Xiao Zhan could see the concern in his face.
“It’s fine, we can do this some other time” Zhan said rather coldly.
“I’m So..” Xuan Lu was about to apologize when she was interrupted.
“Zhan ge!” Yibo called out and joined them before she could finish
“Oh! hey Bo di” Xiao Zhan gave Yibo a faint smile.
“Zhan ge.. this party is boring now.. shall we go back to your place and play video games whole night. I don’t have to fly out until noon tomorrow” Yibo pulled on Zhan’s arm teasingly
“Ah Bo di.. before that..I have…” Xiao Zhan started but was interrupted by Xuan Lu.
“Yibo, I need to talk to you, come with me please” Xuan Lu pulled Yibo away before Zhan could say anything.
“What is it now Jiejie..you have been weird tonight” Yibo complained
“Yibo, you just told me you don’t love Zhan and still you want to spend the whole night with him” Xuan Lu barked
“Jiejie, I just want to play games and hang out with him like we always do.”
“Do me a favor Yibo, please stay away from Xiao Zhan.”
“What? Why? Why are you asking me this? I don’t understand.”
“Just leave him be Yibo. Give him a break, he needs space from you. Stop clinging onto him”
“You can’t tell me that. Wait..does Zhan ge want that? Did he ask you to tell me that?”
Xuan Lu thought for a second and decided this is what Zhan might want if he knew the truth, so she lied ”Yes”.
Yibo seemed shaken and a little hurt but he didn’t argue because he believed that this is what Zhan ge really wanted.
“I will call you later and explain ok. For now just stay away Yibo” she repeated.
“Does Zhan ge..like me?…he loves me? Is that why…” the realization hit him
“Hahaha.. what are you saying Yibo, are you crazy..we all know you are beautiful but not beautiful enough for Xiao Zhan to fall in love..with a kid…you are too young for him… stop kidding yourself and go” she faked a laugh and brushed it off
“Hmm.. then.. I still don’t understand”
“I’ve got to go now Yibo.. we have plans tonight. See you later ok. Bye” and she rushed away leaving a confused Yibo behind.
It took her a lot of effort to convince Zhuocheng to leave the party and hang out at her place..they reluctantly agreed and the 3 of them left the party earlier than expected.
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“I don’t love him like that!”
Xiao Zhan heard Yibo say just as he was entering the balcony where Xuan Lu was talking to Yibo. He felt like his heart was ripped open and stomped on…he actually felt physical pain in his chest when he heard that Yibo did not love him the way he did.
Have I just been delusional all this while, believing that Yibo felt the same as me. How was I so wrong, how could I misjudge Yibo’s friendship like this? He should never know how I feel..he will probably hate me for being in love with him…with a guy…no..he can never know I can’t hurt our friendship.
Xiao Zhan thought and walked away from there before Xuan Lu or Yibo could spot him. When both of them joined him and Zhuocheng a while later, he tried his best to act normal. He couldn’t let the disappointment and hurt show in his face. He’s good at acting and should be able to pull this off..or so he thought.
When the three of them left the party and gathered at Xuan Lu’s house, Zhuocheng demanded an explanation from her for the sudden change in plans.
“It’s because she didn’t want me to find out that Yibo didn’t love me back” he blurted out with tears now flooding his eyes.
Xuan Lu was shocked. “Zhanzhan..you know? How? Did you hear us talk?”
“What are you guys saying? what did I miss..someone please explain.” Zhuocheng pleaded.
“It’s nothing di..Yibo.doesn’t love me. Jiejie found out and wanted to get me out of there before I could make a fool of myself. Right Jie?”
Xiao Zhan was now bawling his eyes out..Xuan Lu hugged him tight..patting his back..comforting him.
“It’s ok Zhanzhan. Let it all out. It’s all my fault. I was the one who encouraged you..I made you believe that it was love when it wasn’t. I misunderstood him and hurt you”
“How is this your fault Jiejie, Yibo…that brat! how can he say that..after all the flirting on set. It’s just not us, whole world could see the love in his eyes..everyone believed the same…everyone was fooled by Yibo. Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I would have punched some sense into him right there at the party.” Zhuocheng was furious now
“Are you going to force him into love Zhuocheng? That’s not how this works” she signaled him to be quiet and let Zhan just cry in peace.He grudgingly went back home after Xiao Zhan fell asleep.
When Zhan woke up after a short nap, he was exhausted and had a bit of a headache from all the crying. When he walked into the kitchen he could hear Xuan Lu on the phone explaining about the events of the night which he could guess to only be Liu Haikuan.
“Yeah..that’s why we got out early. Sorry I didn’t have time to explain before….Yes ZhuoCheng just left a few mins ago..Zhanzhan is still sleeping..he cried for a while and fell asleep…. yes yes ofcourse…I will let him sleep here tonight..you want to grab some breakfast with us tomorrow?…yes that would be great..”
Xiao Zhan left before he could hear the rest of the conversation. He needed to get home..away from all the pity and sympathy being showered on him. He needed some time and space from everyone to organize his feelings and thoughts. He had to find a way to move on from this without ruining his friendship with Yibo.
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When Xiao Zhan reached home that night, Yibo was waiting for him. He was leaning against the door and probably fell asleep waiting for him. How long had he been waiting..he wondered.
“Yibo..wake up..Bo di, wake up” he tried to wake Yibo up gently. Yibo suddenly jumped up at the touch as though he was unsure of where he was or how he got there. When he finally got back to reality, he remembered why he was there. He needed answers from Xiao Zhan.
“Zhan ge.. you are back!”
Xiao Zhan held out his hand to help Yibo up.
“Yibo, what are you doing here? How long have you been waiting? And why were you waiting?”
“Zhan ge..I..I needed to know..are you mad at me?”
“Let’s get inside first”
As soon as he closed the door behind him, Xiao Zhan answered Yibo.
“Why would you think I’m mad at you Bo di”
“I don’t know ge..tonight felt weird. Li jie was angry with me.. she said something about..about love..us. I don’t understand. You declined me when I wanted to hang out..you never did that before…And then you guys left the party early. I couldn’t reach you after that. And…” Yibo looked like he was holding back tears.
“Jiejie told me to stay away from you, she told me to give you space..I don’t know why..I really don’t understand… I thought.. I thought may be I…aaah my head hurts from all this thinking ge..please just tell me if I hurt you in anyway” Yibo kept rambling on while Xiao Zhan remained calm.
“Bo di, come site down first and have some water. You kind of reek of alcohol. How much did you drink tonight?” Xiao Zhan sat on the couch and gestured Yibo to follow holding out a bottle of water for him.
“I had a few drinks but I’m not drunk enough ge.” He drank some water and sat down next to Xiao Zhan.
“Do I make you uncomfortable ge? Please..please tell me honestly…do you really want me to stay away from you?” Yibo looked so sad now waiting for Zhan’s reply.
“No Bo di..you don’t make me uncomfortable. You never did and you never will. But yes, I would like some space from you..for the time being.” Xiao Zhan said even before he realized what he had just said. He didn’t want to hurt Yibo but he had to tell him the truth. This was not actually what he wanted, he knows he can not stay away from Yibo…but he had to. If he had to forget his first love then he needed to keep his distance from Yibo.
“Zhan ge..” Yibo now had tears in his eyes. “Is it because of my flirting? Is it because…do you.. do you have feelings for me ge?”
Xiao Zhan didn’t answer. He couldn’t answer but the silence was the answer that Yibo was looking for. He understood.
“Ge..I’m sorry..I had no idea..I was being childish.. I never considered your feelings..please forgive me ge…I didn’t really understand the consequences of my stupidity…I didn’t..”
“Yibo, please stop. This has nothing to do with you. It’s my problem and I will deal with it on my own. You have nothing to apologize for, you don’t need to apologize for not loving me back” he said, fighting back his tears now.
“I never wanted to hurt you ge..you know that right?”
“I know Yibo…I know..and you didn’t hurt me. Believe me!” That was a lie and Zhan could not even look at Yibo’s eyes when he said that.
“I’m fine.. I will be fine..you don’t have to think about this anymore.. about us..about me..forget this ever happened Yibo.. forget tonight please” he continued. “Just sleep now okay, you need some rest. Take the bed, I will sleep on the couch.”
“No ge..I can’t..I’ll sleep on the couch”
“Yibo please, I insist.”
“Ok fine. But you sure you are not mad at me right? And you are really fine?”
“No I’m not mad and yes I’m fine. Now have some more water and sleep. What time do you have to leave? I will wake you up.”
“My flight is at 11, so I have to leave by 7”
“Ok fine. Good night Bo di.”
Xiao Zhan lay on bed but couldn’t sleep until it was almost time to wake Yibo up. He was hurting..he lied to Yibo that he was fine..in reality, he wasn’t..he might never be. He had fallen so deeply in love with Yibo over the past year and a half that now it was nearly impossible for him to ever be okay with this heart break and move on from Yibo. He really couldn’t blame Yibo for anything though. It was his own doing that he misinterpreted Yibo’s feelings. Yibo never directly expressed his love. Zhan just assumed that was the case. Yes, Yibo treated him differently but he was just being friendly with Xiao Zhan. He didn’t open up easily to everyone and when he did this is how he behaved…with everyone.. probably. It was Xiao Zhan’s fault that he mistook himself to be special, misread the signs…his own fault that he was in this mess. Now he had to find a way out of this situation.
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