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Namjoon loves waking up on mornings he knows he doesn’t have to rush to work. He can be lazy and take in the small slivers of sunlight that escape through the curtains, casting shimmery golden hues over the bedroom furniture, the discarded clothes strewn on the floor from last night's spontaneity and the stunning hand-restored crystal framed photo that sits proudly on their beside table.
He loves that piece of decor the most out of everything they own and can’t help the small smile that has become an automatic response whenever it falls into his field of vision. The photo frame, much like the photo itself, held a personal story for them both and had gone along with them in their journey as a couple.
It hadn’t always been a photo frame, but had started life as a mirror that hung proudly in the very first flat they had bought together as a couple.They had spotted it whilst going on many of their yard sale ventures to add a bit of life to their new place, without splashing out on money unnecessarily.
The flat itself had been small and dingy but they kept it for the sake of convenience for the shortened work commute and the low rent. This mirror with its ornate design and intertwined crystals had instantly caught their eye and subsequently held pride of place and focal point in their small hallway.
The only happy thing in that dingy flat was being able to see the other’s face smiling back at them in the reflection when they stood beside each other. They were each other’s unbridled happiness and their love for each other sparkled as bright as the crystal’s that framed their reflective faces.
Namjoon reaches out a slender finger to touch the smiling cheek of his husband's face in the photo.
The sunlight never failed to bounce off the glass covering of their photo, their wedding photo, bathing the still life image of the most precious day in his life in a halo of shimmery light.
Keeping a hold of that mirror, having it restored (after a small accident when transferring it to their current flat that, may or may not be down to Namjoon), and the mirror panel changed to a glass one for their wedding picture was downright sappy, but very much resonated what the two people in the picture were all about – holding onto and appreciating life’s blessings in whatever shape it manifested itself.
Nearly two years of wedded bliss and he still can’t believe he gets to call this man his. Not in ownership, but his home, his comfort and his solace when his day and mind aren’t so kind. His limitless joy when they are lost in their own world. Undoubtedly his biggest support when he feels underwhelmed, doubting himself. That beautiful man and his beautiful soul are his world.
Their relationship had started on a mutual ground, with equal appreciation and love for the other, and it only served to enhance itself through their years of dating and then marriage.
Jungkook was by far the biggest gift in life. There was no questioning that.
Namjoon starts stretching his limbs a little to rouse himself slowly out of his slumber and with eyes focused on the precious photograph, he reminisces the day he proposed to Jungkook.
Namjoon had been so nervous yet so determined to execute the proposal with as much love and devotion behind it as possible. But looking through ‘inspirational’ blogs and numerous guides on ‘how to create the proposal of a lifetime' just resulted in him feeling jarred and downright disheartened. He may have excelled academically and be thriving in his career after all his hard graft, but these proposed proposal plannings required, at the very least, sneaking around on errands and hidden phone calls to arrange everything and that is something Namjoon would fail in from the start. He might as well have a torso sized neon sign attached to his body that flashed ‘boyfriend planning to propose’.
God it had been stressful but thankfully, a reassuring conversation with two of their best friends had him realise that none of those guides reflected the type of person his person, his Jungkook, was. Overly lavish or attention drawing events had never been the type of things either of them were into, no matter how romantic. Another reason to love this amazing human.
Instead he had roped in their best friends, party/event planners by profession and power couple Jimin and Taehyung, to completely adorn the flat the weekend he takes away Jungkook for his birthday. He had been a jittery mess that whole weekend, only beginning to unwind and enjoy himself when Jimin had quickly messaged the night before they were due to fly back that the flat was done and ready to be proposed in.
The reason he was a jittery mess was not entirely because of the proposal itself, although that would hit him like a truck when the moment came. No, it was the fact that he had the platinum polished ring stored away in its box, stuffed inside a pair of socks which he then stuffed into a pair of boxers that gave it the appearance of a dodgy boner. But he didn’t care, so long as that there was enough padding around the box to muffle any noise should his deft fingers ever drop it - the clattering noise that definitely shouldn’t belong to a pair of wool blend socks would be a dead giveaway.
He planned to propose as soon as they got into the flat from their holiday return. In the seconds that Jungkook will most likely be taking in the room's new romantic makeover, Namjoon will quickly whip out the ring from his back pocket (that he'll have strategically placed there during a conveniently timed toilet trip before leaving the airport). And he will profusely deny for a long time that he did indeed visualise and rerun things in his head, checking and double checking each step like a goddamn spy movie.
It had been perfect, everything and more, Namjoon had conjured up in his mind. As soon as they had swung open their flat door and taken a few steps in, the instant attack of dozens and dozens of red and silver floating heart shaped balloons hit them. Red rose petals adorned every touchable surface and in the middle of the living room, their furniture pushed aside strategically to make room for what looked like a seven foot tall, cylindrical ornament shimmering with dangling crystal tendrils and what looked like mini photographs attached to them. The soft gasp that had escaped from Jungkook had brought Namjoon sharply back to his senses – he could take things in properly after, he had a life changing task at hand to tackle first.
The room had looked breathtaking, but nothing would come near to the look of pure surprise and unhindered love when Jungkook had turned around to ask the other why their flat was embellished the way it was. Understandably so, his birthday was over two days ago and they had already celebrated with their closest friends, not to mention the amazing mini weekend break they had just returned from.
He recalls how Jungkook’s head whipped around, his line of vision and face moving fluidly into the exact position to be able to meet the eyes of the man he loves, so naturally accustomed to Namjoon after all these years, only to be met with empty space and sight of their front door. A split second view from his peripheral vision turns his face and gaze downwards to see the man that he loves kneeling one kneed on the floor, black velvet box clad in one hand and a look of raw, unabashed love, warmth and nervousness.
Jungkook gasped.
“Hyungie..what are you – what are you doing?” Jungkook had asked with shining wide, knowing, but disbelieving eyes.
“Jungkook-ah, my one and true love of my life. You have made me so endlessly happy ever since you walked into my life so many years ago. Well ok, when I blindly crashed into you at the back of that library aisle. But that is the only time I will ever be grateful for my clumsiness. Because since that day, I have never ever wanted to see you walk out of it.”
Namjoon can see the younger's eyes start to look glossy and tears begin collect around his waterline. He continues before he starts tearing up too, feeling that tightness in his chest form, and fighting his instinct to get up and pull Jungkook into his embrace.
“So, imagine the pure joy when eventually this bright doe eyed, happy bound gorgeous boy with his contagious bunny smile agreed to go out on a date with me! It wasn’t long after that you had my entire heart in your hands, knew that I wanted to love you and be your source of happiness forever. You’ve given me three blissful years as a boyfriend and best friend, but I wonder, my sweetest Jungkook-ah, if you will allow me the honour of making you my fiancé instead. Jeon Jungkook will you -"
“Yes, hyungie! Yes, of course! Oh my - oops." Jungkook giggles out, slapping a hand to his mouth.
And that sets them both to laughing. Well, Jungkook is a mixture of teary giggles because his tears had long given up holding themselves back. Namjoon takes the opportunity to take Jungkook’s left hand into his, to calm and ground himself as well as the other.
He smiles up at his beautiful boyfriend and says, “sweetest Jungkook-ah how are we going to answer our future kids and grandkids when they ask who popped the question if neither of us actually got to ask the other?”
He smiles up at the other who now has a steady stream of tears training tracks down his cheeks and it takes all of Namjoon’s willpower not to straighten up and kiss and wipe them away. Instead he presses a soft kiss to the back of Jungkook’s hand that’s in his grasp and looks back up to meet the others gaze.
“Jeon Jungkook, will you give me the absolute, utmost honour of calling you my husband and ask, will you marry me?”
The dam breaks from Namjoon’s eyes as he's met with frantic nods from the other who's seemingly unable to get any words out through the sobs he is trying to stifle. Namjoon blinks back his tears and goes to open the ring box, which he forgot to do in his haste to get down on one knee before Jungkook spotted him, when he is barrelled to the ground by the other throwing himself onto him. He just about keeps hold of the ring box as he wraps his arms tightly around the younger and pulls him in close.
“Yes hyungie, I would love nothing more than to marry you. Of course I would love to be your husband! I love you. I love you so much. Always will Joonie, will forever be a yes to you.” And he stares down into Namjoon’s eyes willing him to believe what he says and of course Namjoon does, because he reciprocates those exact feelings and exact emotions for the man who just said yes to being his husband!
Neither bother to get up of the floor as Namjoon smothers kisses all over the younger's face until the tears fleet to an almost stop. “I love you too, my beautiful Jungkook, you light up every crevice of my heart. You know that it’s all yours.”
They eventually sit up after endless gazes into eachother's eyes and trade whispered ‘I love yous’ and Namjoon pulls the other properly onto his lap. With both hands now free he sets about finally opening up the ring box.
He hears Jungkook release a soft gasp.
Namjoon had designed the ring to the choosing of a slightly drunk and shyly descriptive Jungkook when they both had stumbled home late one night after celebrating Jimin and Taehyung's joint stag do. They had scattered about the flat wedding magazines, from the soon to be husbands, coming and going to share ideas and that was the chosen topic for that particular tipsy night. They both giggled through choosing ridiculous looking wedding attire but when they flicked through ring pictures, one particular one had caught Jungkook eyes which he kept absentmindedly rubbing a thumb over. A slightly sober Namjoon had then waited until Jungkook had gone into the shower to quickly a snap a picture of the ring on his phone for future reference because marriage was something they both knew they wanted somewhere down the line.
Sliding that now very real and very solid ring onto Jungkook’s finger was by far the most euphoric and dazing things he had ever done. It looked perfect on those slender fingers and Jungkook had just stared down at his hands in awe, had opened and closed his fingers numerous times watching the light glint off the band before breaking his gaze to look into Namjoon’s eyes.
Pure love shone back, 'my forever yes' they read to Namjoon.
Namjoon remembers it was nearly evening and the sun had begun to set, casting the living room with bright warm light that bounced of the multitude of crystals hanging off the beautiful cylindrical centre piece. After closer inspection, they see that it actually was a mirage of dozens upon dozens of small photos of both Namjoon and Jungkook slotted alongside the crystal tendrils. Some candid, some goofy, but mostly just the pair making heart-eyes at the other with pure adoration.
But god the way the sunset light streaming in had refracted off the crystals, that gently swayed and twinkled from their touch, had cascaded Jungkook’s face and form in this glowing iridescent light just made the man look ethereal. A true beautiful light personified, who emanated everything that is pure love and joy for Namjoon.
Namjoon has never stopped looking at Jungkook like he is his light. His brightest light.
Just like how now the sunlight bounces of his husband's beaming face in the photograph, making even this still picture radiate beauty and love.
Namjoon hears the gentle fizzle of food coming from their kitchen and another soft smile forms on his face. For the longest time, ever since they first moved in together, his husband had always made it a desire to cook them both breakfast on mornings they were both home together.
With a final long stretch, Namjoon sits up, cracks his neck and pads into the adjoined bathroom for a quick wash up. Feeling fresh and more awake, he heads to the chest of drawers to grab a pair of fresh socks and his eyes catch the wall next to it. As a side of the wall that’s usually empty, it was now plastered with dozens of cards from all the kids and their parents in Jungkook's class from when school closed last week for the end of the academic year. He is a very popular teacher and a favourite with staff, kids and parents alike.
Namjoon could not be more proud of the man his husband has grown into.
Deeply in love with the man who took his youthful nature of falling in love with and flitting between numerous interests and hobbies and turning it into a positive outlet with a teaching career. Jungkook had knuckled down and gained his qualifications as an early years' teachers, and transferred that multi attentive passion into adaptive and innovative teaching methods which the young minds he taught, absolutely thrived off.
And naturally it seems, working with young children brought about the topic of having children of their own, a family of their own.
Namjoon had always envisioned himself as a father whenever he envisioned his long term future. Never a timescale in his mind, but always a father to a happy child he could adorn and shower with love and cuddles. A little one he could reel off non-essential bits of information to that wouldn’t be helpful in daily life, but one day some random incident would happen, and the child in his mind would come running home to tell him that the very unusual piece of fact he had told them had bore some unexpected importance.
Nothing has changed and he has never felt more of an imminent certainty of having a child, definitely more so, than when Jungkook had taken permanent residence in his heart and described a future of one day walking home to the sound of a child’s laughter.
But real life, the timing, work patterns and especially the extra measures and obstacles as a gay couple, all inevitably takes precedence too. And as much as they gushed about what their child would be like and who would be the cool parent (Jungkook of course), the reality of it always seemed to be that one touch away with one reason or another having needed to be taken into account.
But it’s time to change that and Namjoon knows only they themselves can change this or it will never be ‘the right time’.
He smiles to himself allowing a small moment of self accomplishment for holding out on this secret that has been zipping across his every thought, and reaches deep inside and to the back of the open drawer to pull out several large envelopes.
Namjoon keeps them carefully hidden behind his back and ever so slowly cracks open the bedroom door that leads straight into their open plan living and kitchen area.
The sweet smell of pancakes that permeates the air hits Namjoon’s nose and he sees that Jungkook has his back partly turned and engrossed with his cooking – this is perfect for Namjoon because Jungkook won't see his husband's approach straight away. Namjoon uses that to his advantage to quickly slip the envelopes onto the seat of the breakfast barstool, furthest from Jungkook's line of vision, before swiftly turning to his husband's direction.
“Morning baby.” Namjoon says and walks up to the other to wind his arms around the entirety of his waist, gently tugging his husband's body closer against his.
Jungkook turns his head around and beams at Namjoon offering his own “Good morning, Joonie", a soft smile and an even softer gaze.
God, Namjoon thinks, he will never ever tire of how his heart seems to want to both bloom and burst until it feels like it will push right out of his ribcage when Jungkook looks at him like that.
Always, always full of love and trust, raw and unfiltered displayed on his face. Even on the most mundane or trivial occasions, Jungkook can turn to look at him with those chocolate brown doe eyes with that look and Namjoon will feel like the breath has been snatched from his very lungs, forgetting everything else in that moment.
Jungkook’s eyes were the first thing to draw Namjoon in, after that fateful library collision; the shimmering glint of a thousand twinkling stars that seem to be captured in them from the milky way itself. The way they’d widened from the shock of the impact accentuating the doe eyed trait even more. Those eyes never fail to make him overwhelmed with love, just as they do now, following Namjoon’s face as he bends down to peck his husband on the lips.
Namjoon nuzzles his nose into the other's neck causing the man to giggle softly. He gives the ticklish spot a kiss and leaves his lips to rest there whilst slightly tilting his head so he can watch his husband over his shoulder, holds the others body close to his. He offers gentle, barely there, kisses to the back of Jungkook’s neck as he watches him pour more fresh batter into the sizzling pan. Namjoon looks at the minuscule eruptions of bubbles that start protruding as the mixture cooks and it reminds him so unusually, but so metaphorically, of Namjoon’s own life before and after meeting Jungkook.
Namjoon’s own life was a mixture all correctly measured out with his consistent academic success, his subsequent job role, even as a son. Namjoon wasn’t unhappy, he was very blessed and humbled with his life. But this young boy who had suddenly stepped into his life (well, Namjoon crashed into) and decided to be a surprise new ingredient to the mix. Jungkook injected new meaning, new texture into it, making Namjoon bubble with new found love and joy – just like the air bubbling through the once cold runny pancake batter, to turn it into something light and fluffy.
Jungkook still makes Namjoon feel like that.
They eat a breakfast of hot syrupy pancakes with fresh cut fruit and coffee over their usual catch up conversations and once they’re done, Namjoon as always as a thank you, takes the dishes to put them into the sink.
But today he doesn’t set about washing up straight away. Instead he walks back around the counter and swipes up the hidden stack of envelopes from the breakfast barstool on his passing. Jungkook follows his movement with curiosity until Namjoon stops in front of where he is sitting.
Jungkook sees now that it’s a bundle of envelope with a red ribbon bow tied to it and is about to ask what it is when his husband takes both of his hands into his own.
“Jungkook-ah, I know this is a little out of the blue but it isn’t like the topic doesn’t cross our minds and conversations quite often. More often than not recently.” Namjoon smiles at his husband's still slightly confused face and continues. “So, we both know where we stand when it comes to having children, a family of our own. But factors in our life always seem to make us hesitate and question if it's the right time."
Namjoon watches his husband catch onto what he is implying and feels the other’s hands squeeze his own tightly whilst glancing from Namjoon’s face to the ribbon tied envelopes on the counter top next to them.
“Joon-ah, is this..are these what I think they are?” Jungkook asks tentatively, tearing his gaze away from the envelopes to meet the man he married. Namjoon offers him the sweetest dimple provoking smile he can offer with a soft nod before leaning forward to rest his forehead gently onto Jungkook’s.
“We've talked about it so much but always stopped before the conversation would get too decisive because we knew we were just baiting ourselves for sadness.”
Namjoon slowly pulls back to kiss Jungkook’s forehead then the tip of his nose and look back into those gorgeous doe eyes before continuing. “So we never really decided if we wanted to adopt or choose surrogacy. That what’s inside the envelope; forms for the best agencies who specialise in adoption and surrogacy for an initial consultation.”
Namjoon watches with a pride filled heart as his husband's eyes start getting glassy with the gradual formation of tears, threatening to spill at the next blink of his eye. Namjoon can’t help but compare this to their current situation: the tears that have gathered, a visual culmination of all the past conversations filled with excited, giddy chatter of wanting the pitter-patter of tiny feet in the flat, of who would survive the longest on night duty and who would be ultimate cool dad.
They can very easily wipe those tears away and go back to dreaming. They had done that far too often, each time more painful than the last.
Or, they can allow those gathered tears and what they represent, edge past the eyes waterline and free roll to gather instant momentum; just like how they can allow themselves to finally feel confident that they are in the right place and exact right time to start the journey as prospective parents and let it gather momentum from there.
So, they let their tears fall until they slow their own accord.
Namjoon cups Jungkook’s face in his hands. “Sweetest Jungkook-ah, our minds and the societal slander for a couple like us have just conditioned us to be over cautious and make us feel like it's not achievable to have a family of our own. We don’t have any more financial worries, both our jobs are consistent with very good pay and flexibility when the time comes, and we have a clean and spacious flat in a decent area to welcome a small person into. We have amazing friends and family who we can rely on without a doubt. Finally, the most important thing is, we both want this with our full hearts, have wanted this before we even married." Namjoon looks deep into those velvet brown for any hesitation, and when the finds nothing but a fiery bright light of happiness, he says it.
“I think we’re ready to be parents my sweetest Jungkook-ah."
It's almost two hours later when they finally move from their spots, having really talked for the first time without the subconscious need to drift away from the topic that's so intertwined with their hearts, well, because they no longer have to. They are going to make it a reality no matter how strenuous and long the process, for that part they had already braced themselves for. It was worth it for that precious little someone that would be bonded to them.
Joyous tears had freely streamed down their faces whilst simultaneously letting out small disbelieving giggles as they clutch the bundle of envelopes tight in the middle of their embrace.
A trade of ‘are we really doing this, Joonie?” and soft kisses peppered by Namjoon on every bit of his husband's face before they decide to head to the seating area and start filling out the forms to the start of their new future.
They’re both jittery from happiness, but steel their emotions momentarily to give their undivided attention to the numerous pieces of paper that will light up a new path in their lives. Both want to make sure they get their best characters across and why they feel they are deserving parents, how much they both want to nurture and love the child they may be bestowed with no end.
Namjoon gives his husband's waist a gentle squeeze of reassurance as he goes to grab a pen from their bookshelf. As he’s turning back with a pen in his hand his eyes take in the image in front of him and he stays stock still for a few seconds, just admiring.
The sun has started to creep into the living room window nearest to where Jungkook is sitting at the coffee table, his back is turned to it but is facing Namjoon. With his tear stricken but wide smiling happy face, Namjoon is thrown back to the evening of their engagement where Jungkook had looked just like this – ethereal.
Bathed in soft warm light creating an entire halo around him. A physical embodiment of pure love and hope.
They are each other's happiness and eternal future.
Namjoon’s brightest light in his life and Jungkook’s forever yes.