Work Text:
Even after over six months of dating, Noel wasn’t sure how to talk to Lex’s newfound family. It was now February. College acceptance letters weren’t coming out for another month. Noel was stuck in a rut of the same thing every day. Wake up, go to school, go to work, stop by Toy Zone to say hi to Lex, go home, repeat. Sometimes, though, on weekends, she’d switch it up and spend some time at Lex’s house. Becky was usually at work, so Tom would be around to see them. They spent a lot of time in Lex’s room, laughing and joking around, Noel would take a nap some days, Hannah would join them, even Tim when he came home from swim practice.
Of course, at her own house, she still spent every possible second holed up in her room. Sam and Charlotte had only gotten more adverse as time went on. Noel didn’t like to intervene during arguments, much less be in the same vicinity. She put her head in a pillow to muffle the screaming. It always came from Sam. Charlotte didn’t fight back. She took it and took it until one of them left first. Sam was screaming again and Charlotte’s voice suddenly cut in.
“Don’t act like you’re so high and mighty either, Sam!” Her voice cut into the argument. “I...I know you’re not faithful either, so why try to hide it from us?”
“You don’t know anything, Charlotte!” Sam yelled back, and the door slammed shut. Something breaking came from downstairs and a string of curses from Sam followed. Charlotte had left. Probably to go to the therapist. Or the grocery store clerk. Or the manager at The GAP store in downtown. Or one of the lawyers at the Chastity law firm. Or Ted, her co-worker. Or Noel’s therapist she no longer saw because she found out Charlotte was fucking him. Anyone. Anyone that would make her forget her life at home for an hour or two.
Then, she realized Sam was home, and an angry Sam was never someone anyone wanted to interact with. She could kill time. She had calculus homework to do. She had AP English books to read. She had things to do that could keep her away from Sam.
The door slammed behind Sam two hours later, and Noel was only ten problems into a twenty-question calculus textbook page after she finished a worksheet for English. Her phone rang and Lex’s contact picture, one from Christmas break where Lex had come into Beanies and actually ordered a Christmas-themed drink just to spite Zoey into working while Noel took a five-minute break, popped up on the screen.
“Hi,” Noel said, putting Lex on speaker so she could multitask. “What’s up?”
“Nothing, just...I miss you,” Lex said. “You haven’t been by Toy Zone in two weeks. Is everything okay? I know I see you outside school and stuff, but still…” She trailed off. Noel swallowed.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Teachers keep slamming me with work.” She shrugged, scribbling in the margin of her notebook. “I can come over, like, this weekend or something. If everyone’s okay with that, of course.” She muttered numbers to herself as she attempted to work on her homework.
“I’m sure nobody’ll mind, I’m working all day both days but I’ll be back after,” Lex replied. “Hannah wouldn’t mind having someone to hang out with.”
“Ellie?” Hannah’s voice came from the background. “Is it Ellie?”
“Yeah!” Lex called back before turning back to the phone. “Sorry, Ethan was supposed to come see Hannah but he dropped it last minute.”
“Asshole,” Noel rolled her eyes. “Listen, babe, I’ll try to stop by this weekend. I’ll bring all of you some pastries from Beanies. I know they’re shitty but they’re a nice treat. And you don’t have to pay me back, it’s gonna come from me.” She put the end of her pencil in her mouth.
“You don’t have to bring us anything,” Lex said. Noel just nodded. She was planning on it anyway. Hannah loved the heated chocolate chip muffin Noel gave her. “I’ll see you on Saturday, maybe?”
“See you Saturday.” Noel murmured and the phone call cut. She turned back to her calculus textbook. She’d be going Saturday, whether she was having a great day or a terrible day. She missed Lex’s new family big-time.
On Saturday, Noel worked the opening shift at Beanies, 6-11, and then she began the walk to the Houston house. It was chilly, but she had brought clothes to change into after her shift, so she wasn’t walking in her shorts and button-down shirt, but instead some sweatpants and one of Lex’s sweatshirts. She knew Lex was working, so it would be her and Hannah, so it would be fine.
She knocked on the door and to her surprise, Becky was the one to open the door again. Usually it was Tom that was home. Becky liked to work day shifts on Saturdays.
“Oh, hi, Ms. Barnes,” Noel smiled softly. “I’m just stopping by to see Hannah and maybe Lex later on? I brought things from Beanies if you guys want the pastries, I know they’re kinda shitty but-”
“Just come in, dear,” Becky smiled and let her in. “And you can call me Becky, you know that.” The woman was kind, kinder than what Noel knew, at least. Her mother, Ada, was definitely close in age to Becky. Noel still saw her around sometimes but never interacted with her. Becky felt like a nicer, better Ada. “How was work?”
“It was fine,” Noel shrugged, taking the bagged pastries out of her bag, “I grabbed two coffee cakes, two muffins, and a cake pop for Tim.” She put them on the counter for the kids to come take them. “Because I know you and Mr. Houston like coffee cake, I would go to the bakery on Summer Street but it’s so god-damn expensive. Like, 15 bucks for a piece of coffee cake.”
“Yeah, it’s really expensive over there,” Becky agreed with her. “Thank you for the food, honestly. You didn’t have to bring it.”
“It’s also an ‘I’m sorry for not coming over in at least two weeks’ gift for you guys,” Noel rubbed the back of her neck. “I know I haven’t been over recently, and I’m so sorry about it, I’ve just been busy and stressed and…” She trailed off. Becky didn’t look angry. She didn’t even look mildly peeved at the situation.
“You don’t need to apologize for life,” Becky said softly. “I understand, life gets in the way, you don’t need to apologize for it.” She came over and placed a tentative hand on Noel’s arm. “We’re all here whenever you need us, alright? Especially Lex.” Noel smiled softly.
“Thanks, Ms. Barnes,” She nodded. “Are the kids home?” She wanted to see Hannah and Tim if they were around. A cheer from upstairs told her Tim was home.
“Tom and Hannah are currently out, but Tim’s home,” Becky smiled as Noel picked up the cake pop and went upstairs. She knocked on the door, hoping he’d respond.
“Come in!” Tim said and Noel opened the door. Tim sat on his bed, his tablet on his lap. The bedroom was split in half for him and Hannah to share. The room was a deep navy blue color all around, but the sides were drastically different for the kids. Tim had black bed sheets, action figures and swim medals everywhere. It was also a disaster of clothing and general messiness a kid had. Hannah had yellow bed sheets with a particularly clean room, a little spider stuffed animal Noel recognized as the one she got her sitting on the bedside table. “Hi, Ellie!”
“Hi, Tim,” Noel smiled, sitting down on the end of the bed. “What’s up?” She held out the cake pop and he glanced up to take it. His eyes lit up and he took it.
“Thanks, Ellie!” He held the cake pop in his hand. “Nothing, I was playing Minecraft but now I can talk to you!”
If Noel, age 9, had met Tim on the playground outside the elementary school, she would have been scared of the energetic boy. He was very social, very energetic, and Noel could barely keep up with him some days when she was over.
“What were you doing in Minecraft?” She asked, leaning over so he could show her. It was a house, a much better one than anything she could build, and she’d never even played.
“I’m playing a survival world. When Hannah comes home, I’m gonna play with her.” He smiled at his tablet. “I’ll show you my house and all my animals if you wanna see.” His eyes sparkled with happiness at showing off something he was clearly proud of. Noel got comfortable and nodded, listening to him rattle off animal names. She liked the one named “Elsie”, a little grey cat that sat on one of his chests.
“I like Elsie the best,” She said softly. Tim laughed and looked at her.
“I wanted to name it Ellie ‘cause of you, but I wrote Elsie and didn’t see it and I only had one nametag.” He giggled and Noel blushed at the thought. The idea of Tim naming something as small as a Minecraft animal made her feel overjoyed and wanted. Like she belonged for once. This nine-year-old boy was much better at making her feel included than kids her own age.
Lex came home at three, just as Tom and Hannah were arriving back too. She came inside to find Noel drinking a cup of tea with Becky, who was dressed for a night shift at the hospital. Tim zipped downstairs and greeted his dad before going back upstairs with Hannah. Noel smiled and waved at Tom, sipping the green tea out of a simple black mug.
“Hey, babe,” Lex said, coming over and touching her arm. “What’s up? How was work?” She took her jacket off and draped it over her shoulder.
“Hey,” Noel smiled, glancing behind her at Lex. “Well, work was the same as always, but I grabbed you guys some pastries. In the fridge.” She sipped her tea again, glancing back at Lex. “How was work for you?”
They spent the afternoon with cups of tea and Noel’s laptop she used for “school” propped up on the desk Lex and Tom had built, playing some stupid rom-com that was forgotten quite early into their time together in favor of each other. By the end of the movie, Noel’s head was laying on Lex’s chest, drawing circles on her stomach. She didn’t go home that night.
A week later, Noel and Lex went out for the night. A party in Hatchetfield at Oliver’s house once again. A disconnect happened in Noel's brain and she got hammered. Drink after drink flew down the hatch. Lex, in favor of driving home and needing to rehabilitate Noel, stayed sober and watched her girlfriend down everything she could. It was a different sight. Looser, giggly Noel floating around the room, talking to people, laughing, not stuck in her head and overanalyzing every move she made. Lex found herself joining her, holding her close, wrapping an arm around her waist to hold her up when she stumbled. Just because she was sober didn’t mean she couldn’t be affectionate.
Getting in the house without Tom and Becky figuring out Noel was drunk was a little more difficult. She wasn’t subtle, plus the fact they were in the living room watching Chopped with Becky facing them with the way she laid across the couch didn’t help either.
“You alright, girls?” Becky looked at them. Noel just giggled and gave them a thumbs-up. “How was the party?”
“Great!” Noel grinned. “It was really fun. I had lots to drink.” She giggled and stumbled a bit when Lex tried to usher her up the stairs.
“Oh, drink?” Tom’s eyebrow raised.
“Yeah, my therapist told me not to ‘cause it makes me feel bad later but she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
“Okay, Ellie, it’s time for bed,” Lex ushered her upstairs. She was not about to open the can of worms surrounding Noel’s therapist and the multitude of emotional trauma Noel had whilst Noel was drunk.
“Fuck Dr. Levi.” Noel laughed loudly before Lex shushed her as to not wake the kids up. Noel stuck her tongue out in retaliation.
Sbe tripped over her own two feet and stumbled into the bedroom. Lex was in for a long night.
The next morning, Lex had to work, so she left Noel an aspirin and some water with a little note explaining her whereabouts. Noel was not feeling very good. Her head ached and her stomach churned from general nausea. She didn’t know why she drank. She hated the after-feeling, and the guilt that settled in her afterwards. If she kept it up, she’d end up like her parents. Angry alcoholics who didn’t give two shits about anyone. She took the aspirin and forced herself up, drinking the rest of the water that was left before looking at herself in the mirror. Her face covered in smudged makeup stared back at her.
She went downstairs to have something, anything, to fill her stomach. Becky was at the kitchen table, doing paperwork while Hannah worked quietly on homework next to her. It was a Sunday. Tim was at a swim meet that Tom had diligently driven him to. Tom was grocery shopping. It was quiet as Noel fiddled with the coffee pot, pouring herself a cup into Tom’s extra black mug.
“Good morning, Noel,” Becky said when she glanced up from her papers. She wore black-rimmed glasses for reading the papers. “How are you feeling?”
“Okay,” Noel shrugged. “Good morning.” She looked in the fridge for the half and half and put some in. She eyeballed the sugar and cleaned up any mess she made. Coffee wouldn’t fill her stomach, but it’d put something in her system, and that something was caffeine to keep her awake. Hannah looked up from her homework, wearing one of Tom’s flannels that swamped her.
“Ellie,” She said softly. “You’re here?”
“Yeah,” Noel came over, wincing at the bright sunlight filtering in through the window Hannah was sitting across from. “I came home with Lexie last night. What are you working on?”
“French,” Hannah replied quietly. She opted to take French instead of Spanish. “Words.”
“Give me, like, ten minutes. Then I can help.” Noel smiled at her. She grew up knowing a little bit of French from Charlotte, whose mother was from France. Just little things. The date, the days of the week, numbers, a few animals. She drank her coffee and splashed some water on her face in the bathroom before joining Hannah. “Alright, Hannah Banana. What’s it on today?”
“Animals,” Hannah showed her the sheet of paper with cartoon animals on it. “I gotta write the French name.”
“Alright,” Noel put a finger on the cartoon cat. “What’s this one?”
“I don’t know,” Hannah shrugged. “A cat.”
“Do you know it in French?” Noel asked and Hannah shook her head in response. “ Le chat .” It sounded unnatural coming out of her mouth. She hadn’t seen her grandmother in years. The words were clumsy on her tongue. It wasn’t like she could speak it well at 10, she wasn’t going to speak it at 18.
“ Le chat .” Hannah echoed, writing it down. She moved onto the dog and wrote “ le chien ” down, seeing as she remembered that one. Noel smiled and helped her through the worksheet. French was hard. She had to give Hannah props for it.
“What’s panda?” Hannah asked. Noel paused, racking her brain for the memory of the little flashcards she used to use.
“Le panda, ” Noel responded after a minute. Hannah giggled and wrote it down. She was almost to the end of the worksheet.
“Thanks, Ellie,” Hannah smiled and patted her hand. She scribbled in the last two answers before putting it in her folder and pulling out a math worksheet. Hannah wasn’t terrible with math. Not like Tim, who put up a fight against Lex and Tom every night because numbers just didn't make sense to him. Hannah didn’t need her help anymore, so Noel sat at the kitchen counter. Becky was still doing paperwork, filling out forms.
“So, how was the party last night?” Becky asked casually. Noel smiled softly. She remembered bits and pieces. Being on top of the world was a feeling she could recall.
“It was good, I had fun, so did Lex,” Noel shrugged, resting her head in her hand. “It was just, like, fifteen of us.”
“And all was safe?”
“Of course, we’re always safe,” Noel said, shrugging. “Even if it doesn’t seem like it.” Hannah put her headphones in while she worked, tuning out their conversation as she bobbed to the music playing. Becky nodded, taking a deep breath.
“You were...drunk.” She said, looking up from the paperwork. “Do you do that a lot?”
“No, no, I-I don’t.” Noel felt her chest tightening. This wasn’t a conversation she wanted. She didn’t want to open up that can of worms. “Only at parties, and-and that’s it. I don’t at home.” She pressed her hands on the cold counter. It was cold enough to make her feel a little better, but it heated up under her hands. “I don’t like it very much. I just like to do it with friends when I’m not the only one.”
“Okay,” Becky nodded. “I was just wondering, honey, that’s all. You seemed a little off last night.”
Noel had no recollection of the night before after she got into Lex’s car and giggled the entire way home. She tried to probe her memory. She remembered nothing.
“I don’t, um, really remember last night.” She said quietly. “I’ll ask Lex when she gets home.” Noel washed her empty coffee cup out in the sink before escaping upstairs. Becky wouldn’t pry. Tom wouldn’t either.
Lex worked a double shift, leaving Noel with Becky and Tom once Tom and Tim arrived home. She could hear them talking while she scrolled through Instagram, snuggled up under Lex’s blankets in a sweatshirt and sweatpants.
“Tom, she didn’t really talk about it.”
“We should give her some more time, Beck. It’s probably not an easy thing to talk about.”
“Do you think Lex knows?”
“Oh, for sure. But she wouldn’t tell unless Noel gave the okay.”
Noel didn’t even bring it up to Lex. She didn’t really want to yet. And Lex understood when she got home, joining Noel in bed and letting her stay for another night. Becky and Tom decided that as long as it took Noel to open up, they’d wait and listen when she was ready.
“Hey, Noel?” Lex ased softly that night, turning over in bed. Noel was still awake, not surprisingly, staring at her Instagram feed.
“Yeah, stardust?”
“One, that’s a new one,” Lex’s eyebrows raised. “ Stardust .”
“Do you like it?” Noel yawned, putting her phone down and rolling to face her completely. “I thought I’d come up with a new one and-”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”