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In Case You Don't Live Forever

Summary:

5 times when Clay Terran saluted Director Yuri Cosmos and 1 time when Director Yuri Cosmos saluted Clay Terran.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

“The first time I met Clay Terran was in this photo. Starbuck joked about how fast Clay was trying to join our ranks.”

“Kid, come on! We don’t have all day!”

Cosmos watches as his star astronaut, Solomon Starbuck, chases the high schooler wearing one of their infamous GYAXA jackets. He supposes that it’s Starbuck’s outdated one. They must be close if Starbuck trusts him with such a garment. Anyway, that high schooler is also chasing Athena, Metis Cykes’ daughter. She practically grew up in the space center since infancy, and Ponco is covered in her handiwork. Bandages and casts and drawings from both the high schooler and Athena. Metis simply laughs with Aura Blackquill, his head researcher of robotics, at their game.

“Five bucks that the kid catches Athena first.”

“Starbuck can outsmart him. If he catches Athena, I win.”

“Deal,” Aura grins as Metis nods in agreement.

He’d never understood how they worked out their intimate relationship. But, he’s happy for them nonetheless. As he whizzes past on his segway, Athena hitches a ride by climbing up his jacket to sit on the handlebars and point as if she were the captain.

“Full speed ahead, sir!”

Athena has a way of making anyone smile in her vicinity, so he obliges. “Get ready for takeoff then!”

Cosmos mimes the sound of a deep and rumbling engine, even though the segway has a high pitched one already. She giggles while speeding away from them, and he makes sure to keep her steady. The student groans.

“Unfair! We can’t play tag if you’re using outside help!”

“You just sound like a sore loser!” She blows a raspberry over his shoulder, assumingly towards the high school student he’s yet to be introduced to.

“If Athena gets outside help from Mr. Cosmos, Clay gets some outside help from the one and only Solomon Starbuck!” The astronaut picks her up off the segway’s handlebars and spins her around, and ‘Clay’ pats Athena on her head. “Gotcha.”

She harrumphs and returns to Simon Blackquill, the younger brother of Aura’s who came here to take the photo. He picks her up with a smile; Though it’s much rarer, Athena seems to bring out the brightest in him. Cosmos redirects his attention to Starbuck who is bringing over the high school student.

“Sorry about that sir, this is Clay Terran, my protégé! He’s got the drive to be an astronaut, just you wait!”

Starbuck’s excitedness can be tiring, but it’s not unwelcome. Terran, however, seems to be excited in a much more nervous manner. His presence is menacing after all.

“Kid, this is Director Yuri Cosmos, the space center’s head honcho!”

He messily salutes, and Clay mimics. It almost makes him laugh.

“You’re using the wrong arm, son. In all my years, Starbuck has never done that with the correct arm once. You can do better.”

They both switch arms. “Will do, sir!”

“Now, that’s a respectable young man. You could learn a lot from him, Starbuck.” 

Starbuck fakes being offended. “And here I was teaching him that you were a man to be feared!”

“I’ve been with this space program for years!” He raises and outstretches his arm. “There is a fear of entering the vast and unknown vacuum of space, but I do not know fear! Fear is afraid of me! Fear is afraid of how strong my team is! Fear cannot control me at all.”

He looks triumphantly at the blue sky up above. His astronauts will make it up there someday. Yes. They will.

When he looks back down, the happy couple is exchanging a five dollar bill, and Simon’s parroting Cosmos’ deep voice to Athena’s glee. Starbuck looks as if he’s heard this a million times before. However, Terran’s eyes light up like stars against the night sky. There’s an awe and excitement bubbling from Terran that Cosmos immediately admires.

“Sir… You’re amazing!”

“Thank you, Terran.”

“This kid is going to be in our ranks soon enough, sir! He said he wants to be in space as soon as he finishes college!” Starbuck slaps Clay on the back, and Clay laughs awkwardly.

“I-I’m trying very hard to do so.”

“Join us in the photo then! It will be immortalized in the up and coming space museum, so it’s good for kids who want to join us just like you will.”

Simon waves the three of them over, and they all stand in front of the space center. Metis, Aura, and Ponco appear to be laughing to themselves. Terran looks sheepish, as if he doesn’t belong with such high-ranking employees. Starbuck wraps an arm around his shoulder for reassurance; Cosmos half wishes he was the one to reassure his possible recruit, but he was never cut out to do that sort of stuff. Too deep in the work, too dedicated. Never cut out to smile like all of them.

He flicks out a thumbs up toward the camera as Athena shouts, “Say orange juice!”

“Orange juice!” Ponco says independently and with tons of confidence.

Aura doubles over in laughter, holding onto Ponco, causing Metis to laugh alongside her. As Terran chuckles, Cosmos can hear Starbuck snickering beneath his tight lipped smile. Even Simon breathes just a little too hard from his nose while taking their photo.

He stands still on the segway, for the photo. The director never understood what about Athena made his subordinates all unable to control their laughter. But, he does remember to hold back his own smile. Cosmos has a reputation to uphold.


“I still was surprised at how soon he came to us, how quickly he stomped out all other competitors for a spot on our team. That kind of drive was remarkable.”

“There’s no way we don’t choose the kid, right?” Starbuck elbows Cosmos with a smile on his face.

Terran had passed all their tests leagues above the rest of the possible recruits. He passed both the physical and the informational tests with ease, showing how deeply he believed in his dream. Scores like that are tough to get at his young age. It’s astounding.

He sighs and picks at his mustache. “Is he possibly cheating?”

Starbuck’s pupils shrink.

“No. No! No way. Clay did all that by himself. It’s all him.” He pulls out a clipboard and marks up the slip of paper. “Sir, I’m vouching for him. He deserves the jacket.”

Cosmos interlaces his fingers and rests his elbows on his segway’s handlebars. It’s debatable, hiring a young man who seemed to power through tests and pass with flying colors. How much respect can this action garner? They may be seen as taking advantage of their recruitment because of how close Starbuck and Terran are. But the numbers aren’t wrong. They’d be stupid to not hire him.

“Are you doing this so you don’t have to return to space alone?” He asks as a joke, though the tone of his voice makes him sound all too serious.

After a worried gulp, Starbuck’s voice cracks. “Absolutely not, sir!”

That’s a lie. It’s not too difficult to see through his thin veil of sanity after going through such a ordeal. These recruits are probably the best thing for Starbuck to focus on after HAT-1. 

If it’s Clay, he’d be much more assured to go up to space again.

“Alright, Starbuck. Let’s tell Terran the good news.”

He punches a fist in the air and grabs a new jacket just for Clay, setting down the clipboard confirming his employment. Cosmos wheels his segway into the small room they left Terran in, who anxiously fiddled with his visor until they entered. He stands up straight. “Welcome aboard.”

“What did I say, kid? You’re in.” Starbuck sticks out the jacket proudly.

Terran is rendered speechless, staring at the jacket with a slack jaw. His hands tremble as he feels it, as he takes it into his hands and puts it on. When his hands slip into the jacket’s pockets, he finds a visor with the GYAXA logo in the center. Clay looks back up at Starbuck who smiles.

“An extra gift from me. You don’t have to wear it, I know-”

Starbuck gets cut off with a very tight hug, which he returns. Cosmos shifts his weight on the segway uncomfortably as if he barged in on an intimate father and son moment.

“Thank you, sir.” He sniffles. “Thank you.”

“It was up to Cosmos, really. Thank him. Unless you mean thanks for the new visor, to which I say, it’s no problem!”

Clay lets go of Starbuck and salutes Cosmos. It’s a nice gesture (plus, it’s the correct arm this time), but a small part of him wishes he got the same treatment as Starbuck. However, he can’t reveal such a weakness. He’s the great Yuri Cosmos, director of the space center and leader behind getting Starbuck home after HAT-1’s absolute disaster. He’s to be feared.

“You are the next generation of astronauts, Terran. A great contribution to the future of mankind. There is much promise in your abilities, and I do believe hiring you is one of our best decisions yet. You could potentially make HAT-2 if you impress me enough.”

He nods eagerly. “Of course, sir! I’ll make you proud!”

“I think you’ve already made him proud, but he’d never admit that.” Starbuck laughs and claps. “Let’s tell Justice, huh? Isn’t he still waiting on you?”

“Oh my god, yeah! I gotta tell him! I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Six in the morning, Terran. Bright and early.”

The new recruit bursts out of the room past them after nodding, and Starbuck and Cosmos come out to find Clay spinning Apollo around in a hug simultaneously laughing and crying. Cosmos doesn’t know Terran all too well; However, true to Starbuck’s words, he is proud.


“He was one of the hardest workers at the Cosmos Space Center! I wish I had told him how proud he made me. And although it was his dream, putting Clay on the HAT-2 mission is an action I deeply regret. If I could go back and put myself in his place, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

“It's been a while. Planning another launch? I see you haven't learned…”

It takes only those short sentences to turn the HAT-2 launch into a thing of nightmares. He almost thought he was hallucinating. But no, he recognizes the warning, the garbled voice, the chill sent down his spine. It’s the phantom.

“Wh… What are you planning to do?!” He grips the phone in his hand a tad tighter. “I thought they caught you 7 years ago.”

An explosion booms in the background, then a dial tone plays instead.

Cosmos flips his phone closed, breathing again after the Phantom had taken it away. He then proceeds to whizz around in his office almost like pacing, muddled with guilty memories about watching Simon Blackquill get arrested, him admitting to the crime while Athena screamed about how he hadn’t done it. She was right. She could hear it. And all of them turned away from her cries for help.

A young girl asked where her best friend, Athena Cykes, had gone. Cosmos didn’t know what to tell her, so he shooed her away rather than facing that mistake.

Locked sliding doors ring in his memory. Aura rather busied herself with preparations for HAT-2 rather than visiting her brother in jail. Stifled sobs could be heard whenever anyone passed, but no one interrupted her work. PONCO-2 was the result.

UR-1 hadn’t even been solved if the phone call was truly the Phantom. Metis Cykes died under his care, under his supervision, and the police had failed to catch the culprit. The right culprit. They’d let someone else take the blame for years, let someone else nearly get executed because of their failures as a team.. Because of his failure as the director.

Starbuck coming back down from the HAT-1 mission terrified, shaken at the slightest sound, breaking into tears randomly if any of his staff mentioned a specific action he had done on that sabotaged rocket. And Terran was too busy with college to assist them, to ground them.

Terran.

That’s the solution to his problems. The possibility of Terran joining Starbuck on HAT-2 laid on his desk without a final decision until now.

He thinks of a plan, a scheme to outsmart the spy that haunts his waking nightmares. Cosmos already allowed Starbuck on the HAT-2 mission. Terran has to be there too. During the launch, he’ll have to spare them both. If they board the replica rocket in the Space Museum, it will guarantee their safety. To fool Starbuck (since his anxiety about HAT-1 is paralyzing), he’ll have to incapacitate him in some way… The anxiety medications. Terran can slip them into their last meal before the launch. After the bombing happens, which he’s sure of, he can return to the boarding lounge to switch the Launch Pad and the Space Museum without anyone noticing the difference from the outside. That way, Terran will be honored as a hero.

The Hope Capsule’s asteroid samples also come into his consideration, so he decides to hand them to Terran the day of the launch. They would have a year before any of this transpired, at least.

A couple of phone calls later, Clay Terran is cleared to launch alongside Solomon Starbuck. It should be good news, but the Phantom dirties it.

“I heard you called me to your office, sir. What do you need?”

Terran’s voice startles him slightly. However, he doesn’t show it on his face. “I know this information is reaching you pretty late by our standards, but I’d rather you hear it from me first. You are going to join Starbuck on the HAT-2 mission.”

“M-Mr. Cosmos… You’re serious? I’ve impressed you that much?!”

The excitement in his voice echoes back to their first meeting. Cosmos hadn’t even considered Clay’s feelings about doing all of this. He was so consumed with his own problems, consumed with not failing like how HAT-1 did, he’d forgotten that Clay was a person. Clay has always dreamed of going to space, according to Starbuck. And this opportunity… Cosmos meant to give it to him under better circumstances. The young recruit certainly qualified to be an astronaut, and with a little more experience, this meeting could have been because Cosmos believed in Clay’s prowess alone. Now, it’s tainted by the fear of the Phantom.

“Of course.” Cosmos turns to face Clay who is in tears, happy ones. “Was there any doubt?”

“Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Clay bursts toward Cosmos, but his arms hesitate from extending both out. Instead, Clay excitedly shakes his hand in a tight handshake. When he pulls away, the now astronaut salutes him with perfect posture.

“I will not let you down, sir!”

Cosmos can’t bring himself to mention the plan with how excited Clay looks. He can postpone that until later. They have a year, after all.

“Your actions will determine the fate of the Cosmos Space Center from this very moment. Be prepared for anything, son.”

He obediently nods. “Affirmative!”

“Now, take the rest of the day off. You can tell everyone else the good news,” Cosmos states with a heavy heart. He hadn’t expected to be softened by his eagerness. But, he now understands Starbuck’s position.

“I cannot thank you enough, sir!” Clay vibrates with joy. “I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow!” 

As Clay heads out of his office, he can hear a muffled yell of “I’M GOING TO SPACE, MR. STARBUCK!” and then another yell of “YOU’RE ON THE HAT-2 MISSION?! HELL YEAH, KID! I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!”

Cosmos can’t bring himself to listen to the conversation anymore. The voice of the Phantom resounds in his memory clearer than the voices of the two HAT-2 pilots, and he turns to face out towards the vast window looming over the grounds of the space center. How long will he keep this plan from Clay? From most of the employees under his command? He isn’t sure. But if it guarantees that no one else dies, that no one else falls victim to this spy, he’ll do it.


“I cannot imagine standing so strong in the face of adversity, continuing to believe in my admittedly flimsy role as his superior. Clay deserved better than I gave him.”

“Is there something you need to tell me, sir?”

There’s a noticeable apprehension in Clay’s voice. Everyone else has gone home except for the two of them. Cosmos procrastinated far too long in telling Clay about his plan, but now is better than never. He hangs his head in shame, unable to face Clay with what he’s about to say. Though, he can see Clay’s dim reflection in the window. He’s fiddling with his visor again, just like when he awaited for his verdict on his employment at the Space Center.

“I-If I did something wrong and was put off the mission, I promise I can do better!”

“Terran. That isn’t the problem. You’re a key part of the HAT-2 mission.” He clears his throat. “Have you heard the rumors about the death of Metis Cykes? Answer me truthfully.”

Clay breathes a sigh of relief but tenses quickly after. “I… know.”

“A spy killed her. Simon Blackquill was assumed to be the culprit, and he even admitted to the crime. However, the police were wrong. He’s innocent.”

He knows Clay used to be acquainted with the younger Blackquill brother, as well as the young girl and Athena. It seems to hit home. “Sir, how can you know that? The evidence against him was solid, wasn’t it?”

“He is innocent because that same Phantom threatened our HAT-2 mission. They intend to bomb the rocketship. Just like when they sabotaged HAT-1.”

Using the term phantom creates a well in his stomach, a pit that has deepened because of how burdened he is with the Space Center. He appears to outwardly make it about his own accomplishments, but internally is a completely different story. Saving his team is his priority.

“I need you to work with me to outsmart them. The fate of mankind rests in your hands.” Cosmos’ hands remove themselves from the segway’s handlebars and move behind his back as he lifts his chin. “The fate of this space center, the fate of Solomon Starbuck, and your own fate all rely on your trust in my plan.”

A silence falls between the two. Cosmos expects to be denied, but he does try to imply that Terran would endanger his own mentor if he doesn’t follow through.

“I said I would not let you down, Mr. Cosmos.” Terran takes a deep breath. “What do you need?”

“The mission is almost a month from now. You will enter the replica of the rocket in the space museum instead of the real one. When the bomb goes off, you will reenter the boarding lounge, and I’ll be there to meet you and switch the building back to the launch pad… But I need to ask you to plant Starbuck’s anxiety medication into his food. To make him drowsy enough to forget this plan.”

“You’re asking me to drug Mr. Starbuck.”

“Yes, Terran. And you cannot tell anyone else about this plan, not even after it goes through. Only a select few know because the government refuses to listen to me; they already put their supposed Phantom into jail.” His voice grumbles at the mention.

Cosmos watches as Terran’s face falls yet again in the glass. He’s wavering in place, looking down at the ground after being dealt blow after blow. Terran’s director just uprooted all his dreams and put this looming figure of the Phantom over his head, just like himself. On top of that, Terran would have to drug his beloved mentor and lie to the public.

“I’m also going to give you the space capsule before the launch, so it will appear as if you saved both Starbuck and the asteroid samples from destruction. You’ll be deemed a hero.”

But does that matter? Cosmos isn’t sure.

“Was I ever going to space, sir?” Clay meekly asks, and Cosmos can’t tell whether he is crying.

“When they catch the phantom, I plan to put both you and Starbuck on the next flight. I always meant to make an astronaut of you, Terran.”

Terran wipes his cheeks with his sleeves and salutes with a hand that trembles. “I can do it, sir. For the Space Center.”

He doesn’t trust himself to turn around and face this. To face their newest recruit, their newest addition, and to assure Terran following his direct orders is the best decision he can make. His position of power is an extreme play here, and he would have threatened to fire Terran if he hadn’t wanted to do so. He didn’t have to go that far, at least.

“Son, this is a secret we take to the grave. No one must know.”

“Affirmative, sir.”

“You’re dismissed. We’ll go over details tomorrow.” His phone is already buzzing, but it would be rude to take it out in front of Clay.

A soft click of the door is all he hears until the soft tapping of steps outside his doors dissipates. 

Cosmos doesn’t allow himself to cry, not like he deserves to. He must have crushed the poor kid’s dreams with that statement. With one meeting, he’s probably ruined many relationships in Terran’s life with lies and deceit for the sake of himself. Failure, however, is not an option. If he has to lie to save others, he will do just that without thinking twice. He cannot allow this Phantom to loom over the magnificent Cosmos Space Center.

These astronauts are all he has. This is all he has, outside of the Space Center building. No one awaits him, laughs with him, not since Athena. Although, this is the life he signed up for. He’s dedicated everything he has here, and it still wasn’t enough to save Metis. He hopes that this time, it is.

To protect his precious astronauts. To protect Starbuck. To protect Clay.


“The guilt I harbor for my choices will last a lifetime. He truly did his best, and I admire how large of a heart he had to save the people he loved.”

Today is the day. The launch is already set, and Terran and Starbuck just had their final meal on Earth together. Cosmos anxiously awaits them in the boarding lounge, twisting the handles of the segway absentmindedly. Heaving the Hope Capsule around is tiring, but everything has gone well so far. He cannot falter. He’s prepared for today. Yet, he’s absolutely unprepared for when Terran comes around the corner.

“Sir! Reporting in. Mr. Starbuck’s in the bathroom right now, so I wanted to check in with you.”

Terran is obviously sweating, even if he isn’t in his space suit just yet. There’s a nervous energy surrounding him, and to some, it may seem excited. However, Cosmos knows it isn’t the case. He’s been scared ever since he first mentioned that the launch was fake.

“Did you do it?”

“He ate everything, and he was a bit woozy. I think we’re in the clear.”

Cosmos debates putting a strong hand on Terran’s shoulder but decides otherwise. It might just scare Clay more. He can’t do that with everything else he has to deal with.

“Good. Now, here it is.” He hands Terran the hefty Hope Capsule, still in its original state. Unopened.

“Whoa!” Terran wobbles at the weight, but he steadies himself. “I got it, sir.”

An uncomfortable laugh comes from Terran; though he doesn’t allow himself to look weak. They practiced this. However, Cosmos didn’t imagine the capsule would be that heavy. If he could joke without sounding fearsome, he’d say that a full asteroid was inside it. But, fooling around in such a perilous situation isn’t in him.

“I curated this mission, so no one who sees you will mention that. The few people who see you other than Starbuck know about the plan.”

“Yes, Mr. Cosmos.”

“Son, you’re doing a very good thing for me. I’m indebted to you,” Cosmos admits.

Clay grins, and it reminds him of Athena’s smile from so long ago. “Sir… It’s no trouble.” 

Switching the capsule into one arm at his side, Clay salutes Cosmos. It’s not unwelcome, but he doesn’t feel as if he deserves such respect. Such admiration should be saved for heroes like Clay himself. But, any sort of weakness now may result with someone else getting hurt. Following through with the plan is what he relies on.

“Starbuck will be back any minute now. You should get ready. You’ve got this.” He flicks out a thumbs up, even if his face looks as stern as ever.

“Thank you. I’ll make you proud.”

Cosmos didn’t know that would be one of the last meaningful conversations Clay would ever have. He didn’t know that when he’d turn that very knob, someone else would murder him. He didn’t expect someone else to threaten his own life as he ran past Starbuck and Clay’s fainted bodies, and he certainly didn’t expect to find Clay stabbed with Starbuck as the only possible culprit.

He lies. He has to because he has failed yet again. He failed someone who so deeply trusted that plan, who so profoundly trusted him.


“Clay was like the son I never had… Though, it sounds selfish coming from the man who condemned him to such a fate. All I can do is apologize and smile like he did for me. Clay Terran truly held onto hope, and so will I. Thank you.”

Cosmos wavers at the podium. Speaking at Clay’s funeral, delivering Clay’s eulogy wasn’t what he expected. He’s off the segway, that pillar of safety allowing him a speedy getaway from any situation he was afraid of. But he can see Starbuck and Justice in tears at the front. No one wants to be here. But, it’s all in respect for a man who lived his life and followed his dreams with his whole heart.

He was taken far too soon. But Cosmos didn’t want to talk about that. Admitting it was a bit cathartic, actually. Even if a part of him still believes he’s at fault, he stands strong. That’s what Clay was to most people in this room, even to Cosmos himself.

So, Cosmos turns to Clay’s casket and salutes in respect. He can hear others stand behind him, following his example. Off the microphone, he feels a few tears roll down his cheeks.

“I’m proud of you, Terran. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner.”

Notes:

The song in the title is from Ben Platt! It's more about a son to a father, but it motivated me to write.

I was blinking away tears while writing this, hoo boy. Hope you guys kind of understand Cosmos now. (I'm not at all exonerating him though. He does deserve some shit.)