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“Talk to me Martin.”
Martin startled, looking over to Tim. The two had been watching Netflix together, Tim’s hand slung over Martin’s shoulder.
“What?” Martin said articulately.
“I can tell something’s up. You’ve got that distant look again. So talk to me.”
Martin both loved and hated how perceptive Tim could be. On one hand, he was able to pull him out of his thoughts, but on another, he was able to pull him out of his thoughts. What’s a guy gotta do to be able to wallow in his own spiraling thoughts in peace?
In truth, he had been thinking far too much. He’d been dating Tim for almost 2 years now, and they hadn’t had sex. That in and of itself wasn’t an issue. Jon and Tim had been together for somewhere around 5 years and it wasn’t an issue. Both Jon and Martin were asexual, and Tim has no issue with this. As far as he was concerned they could never have sex and that’d be fine. He loved the way their relationship was now. It was amazing. He felt safe and loved, both from Tim and Jon, and it was his dream come true. He known that Tim loved sex, but he’d had no problems finding it elsewhere since he knew neither Jon or Martin would want to.
The issue was that Martin was curious.
He’s more than sure if that if Martin wanted to, Tim would have ABSOLUTELY no problem having sex with him. But the main concern was how their relationship would change because of it. If Martin propositioned him, would Tim be more likely to expect it from him? Up until now, it’s been completely off the table. But if he opens that door, will he be able to close it? He knows himself well enough to know that if Tim were to ask him Martin might not say no so as not to be a burden even if he didn’t want to anymore. He was a people pleaser to his own detriment, and it was an extremely difficult habit to break.
Also, he has Tim’s feelings to consider. His desire to have sex has nothing to do with how Tim looks, but instead more about his knowledge of Tim and comfort level around him. Would it hurt him to have sex with someone who isn’t really in it for him, but just for the sensation? It could point out the emotional imbalance there, and cause problems in their relationship that weren’t there before.
He supposed he might as well stop dwelling on it and talk to Tim.
“How would you feel if I told you I’d thought about having sex with you before?”
Tim paused, clearly not expecting the direction the conversation had taken. “Well, honestly, I’ll admit that does surprise me, but I’m definitely not opposed to the idea. If you don’t mind me asking, what’s brought this on?”
Martin took a deep breath. “I think I might want to experiment a little bit. I’m just a little scared, I guess?”
“What scares you about it?” Tim looked at him patiently.
“Well, if I did, and decided I didn’t like it, would that hurt you? I mean, if it wasn’t because of you, just... sex in general.”
Tim blinked. “What? No, of course not. Honestly it’s incredibly flattering you’re bringing it up at all. I know it’s not an easy topic for you, and it’s amazing how much you trust me.”
“And if I did, and you did too, well... I guess I’m scared that I won’t want it as often or as much as you do.” Martin confessed.
“Hey now, are you trying to tell me I can’t keep it in my pants?” Tim grinned, and Martin started to apologize, but Tim cut him off before he could. “No, even if you liked it, I’d leave it up to you to decide when or if we ever try it again.”
Martin smiled and wrapped his arms around Tim’s neck, burying his head in his shoulder. “Thank you. I love you.”
Tim hugged back. “I love you too.”