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She didn’t want to tell him, damn it.
But she had to be the one to do it. He couldn’t find out from the grapevine or God forbid, The Prophet.
She made a decision. And it was the right decision. She was certain of it.
Hermione Granger summoned every bit of Gryffindor courage and stepped inside their office.
The first thing that knocked the wind out of her was the huge ‘Bride to Be’ banner that hung from the end of one wall to the next. The second thing were the numerous bouquets of flowers littered all over her desk. On it. Under it. Beside it.
Her head whipped towards Draco’s desk to find it empty. A sigh of relief escaped her.
“MELINDA!” her tone had said secretary running into the office in a hurry.
“I’m going to make a call, when I come back I want this office clear.” Seeing Melinda’s face contort into confusion she quickly added, “This is a place of work. It’s … unprofessional.” She didn’t want to seem ungrateful, she didn’t want him to walk into this before she had the chance to speak to him. To explain.
A nagging voice in the back of her mind told her there was nothing to explain. She quickly shut it down.
“Melinda, did Mr. Malfoy say he was going to be late?”
“Oh no, Mr. Malfoy came in already.”
Before having a full mental breakdown in front of their secretary, Hermione gathered herself and took her problems to the one person who would never judge her.
She went inside his office, shut the door and started pacing. “He knows. I wanted to tell him first, explain, and now he knows! Tell me what to do. He never said anything. I gave him time. I gave him space. He didn’t do a single thing. He can’t blame me now for trying to get my life together and moving forward. He’s going to hate me. It isn’t fair. I can’t lose him. I can’t.”
By the end of her rant, her tears were at bay and her chest heaving, trying to catch her breathe. Trying to catch her breathe because she couldn’t breath at the thought of losing him.”
Harry Potter got up and wrapped his arms around her wordlessly.
That’s what she loved about him. No matter the circumstance, Harry always had a calming aura around him. An aura he was trying to transfer to her right now through a very tight hug.
She sat down at the chair while he took a seat at the edge of the desk.
“Hermione, you need to tell him the truth.”
“Harry, I can’t. He said it was a lapse of judgement remember?” She kept her fingers busy by playing with a snitch figurine placed on top of the desk.
“Did you ever think of the fact that he’s hesitant because it’s you - because of your history? Out of everyone, you had the most tumultuous relationship but you were the first to forgive him.”
“I can’t tell him now. It will complicate things. I already said yes to Ron.”
“Hermione, you know I love you and I love Ron. But you wouldn’t have this reaction if - I don’t want you to settle for him because you're afraid of what you feel.” She knew he was right.
“But this was the plan, it’s always been the plan.”
She planned every little thing. Enter Hogwarts. Be the top of the class. Work in the Ministry. Marry Ron. Have 3 children, 2 girls and a boy. Retire in a little cottage in Northern Italy.
Draco Malfoy was never part of the plan. She never saw him coming.
“It’s okay for plans to change. Not everything has to be set in stone. Life isn’t about following a plan, it’s about doing what feels right. If this doesn’t feel right then don’t force yourself into it.”
She was grateful for Harry’s words. He knew how to put things into perspective. But still, she couldn’t shake the feeling.
“Can you come back with me to the office?”
Harry tried to keep his face impassive but failed breaking into laughter.
The look she gave him was enough to shut him up. “I need you to mediate.”
“Mediate what?”
“He will be so angry Harry,” she said.
He looked her straight in the eye, “I’ve told you a thousand times Hermione. That man is in love with you. I’ve seen how he looks at you. Even if he is hurting he will not show it. He needs to know how you feel.”
“I should have spoken to him before giving Ron an answer. I know that. But Harry you saw how everyone was looking at me -“
He let out a sigh, “I know, I know.”
Ronald Weasely chose to propose in front of his entire family after Sunday brunch. Every single Weasely was present that day, including Percy. It was quite shocking to her considering her never hinted or mentioned anything. She hesitated but masked it well with a look of surprise and covering her mouth with her hands. She hesitated and she knew why. Her eyes scanned the crowd to find Harry’s whose lips were in a thin line. A stark contrast to everyone’s grins and smiles and expectant eyes. Expecting a yes. Molly’s voice broke her from her thoughts, “Well, honey, don’t keep him waiting too long.” That sealed the deal.
XXX
Draco was in the office with his legs crossed at the ankle and propped on the desk with a paper in his hands. When Hermione entered with Harry closely in tow he didn’t look up from the paper.
She cleared her throat.
She expected a glare. A tantrum. The silence game. A fight. Anything but this.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the future Mrs. Weasely and the worst man”, he smirked infuriatingly at her. “I hear congratulations are in order. Didn’t think the weasel had it in him.”
Hermione stood dumbfounded as he rounded his table and pulled her into a hug.
She wanted to crumble in his arms. She expected anything but this.
Harry insisted on going to a bar to celebrate later in the evening. Their table was bustling with Gryffindors coming to celebrate. It surprised her to see Draco there too. Seeing him in their midst proves to her how much he transformed since Hogwarts.
Ron came back from the bar carrying 2 drinks. Both for him.
“Let’s celebrate!!” taking a huge gulp. He was more excited about getting drunk than actually celebrating with her.
Ever since the war ended Ron starting drinking as a coping mechanism. She tried to get him to ease, but to no avail. Hermione took a seat next to Ginny who started grilling her about wedding details. Details she did not have the energy to think of.
Draco’s laughter cut through the crowd, breaking her attention as Ginny droned on about dresses and cakes. He was nursing a butter beer and listening intently to Luna’s story with a wicked smile on his face. Luna was practically sitting on Neville’s lap at that point. She swallowed bitterly. Isn’t that what being in love looks like? Ron was drinking his sixth beer by now and talking about Quidditch with Harry and Cormac.
Suddenly she smelt his cologne, sensing his presence behind her before he even spoke. Throwing an arm around both her and Ginny he knelt between them, “What would you ladies like to drink?” he said with a smile.
Could she sit on his lap instead? God damn it, she needed to control her thoughts.
An hour later, the crowd dispersed and Hermione decided to take Ron home before he got blackout drunk.
“Ron let’s go it’s getting late and we have work tomorrow,” she said putting a hand on his shoulder.
“C’mon Mione don’t be such a drag,” pouting and irritating her to no end, “one more drink. Hey John another round please!”
She took his arm, “Ron, you’ve had enough - " he snatched his arm away from her, “For God’s sake Mione stop trying to control me. It’s just a fucking drink!”
Hermione was used to him getting like this when he was drunk. Draco, by the way his brows furrowed and jaw clenched, wasn't. He stepped forward and pulled Ron away from her. This made Ron turn and face him instead as Draco calmly spoke, “Don’t talk to her like that, and she’s right, you need to go home.”
Ron let out a humorless laugh, “Harry! Harry look the Death Eater is telling me how to talk to my own fiancé.”
At that moment it was like cold water was dumped on her. She did not want this.
XXX
Later that night after Ron was fast asleep, Hermione sat on the kitchen counter with a cup of tea and her thoughts. She knew she accepted the proposal for the wrong reasons. She loved Ron, but he was not the person she fell for. The war changed him. But this was the plan and Hermione Granger always followed through with her plans right? Well, not this time. She had to fight for what she wants and she knew exactly what that was.
She knew there was a possibility this will blow up in her face. A possibility he doesn’t feel the same. The possibility she would try to learn to love Ron. But first she had to try. His reaction to her engagement was a farce. It had to be. Not after everything. She needed answers. She checked one last time on Ron’s sleeping form and apparated straight into Draco’s apartment.
She found him sleeping on the couch in front of the tv. She smiled remembering the first time she introduced him to the muggle technology; how fascinated he was. He got addicted to it. Celebrating with movies and a pizza after a big case has become their tradition.
She cleared her throat. He jolted up and grabbed his wand and aimed it at her. It was until he realized it was her that he lowered his wand. He immediately got to his feet.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” the concern in his voice made her heart melt. But then again, if she admitted to herself, everything he did made her heart melt.
There was no time for introductions. She dove straight in.
“I panicked okay?”she took a step closer to him. “His entire family was staring at my expectantly with such excitement and I couldn’t say no. It would break his heart. And theirs. They are my family too. I panicked and I said yes. I know I -“
“Hermione, it’s 1 am. What the fuck are you on about?” He dug his palm into his eyes. It was clear he was agitated - from being woken up at such an hour or the topic of conversation, she didn’t know - but so was she for him being so flippant about this.
It took her all her courage to ask, “Do you want me to marry him?”
“What do you need my blessing for? It was your dream since childhood wasn’t it?” he turned away from her and took a seat on the couch. “What do you want from me?”
Gone was the sweet congratulatory Draco from the office earlier in the day. Gone was the relaxed, non chalant Draco from the bar hours earlier. Replaced with a cold, distant and exhausted one.
That statement made her blood boil. He was the one who kissed her then called it a mistake. He was the one who kept flirting with her in the office and outside of it. Having lunch in cafes during breaks, going on long walks after work. Who was he to pretend it was all nothing? Who was he to mess with her heart with all his mixed signals.
She wanted him to stop her. Tell her not to marry Ron. That he wants to be with her. Was she reading into everything? Was she imagining the signs?
She took a step closer to him, “what do you want from me?”softly repeating his question to her.
“Granger, it’s late, now really isn’t the time for -“
It was time to end this charade.
“So what about Spain?” she didn’t need to explain further. From the way straightened up and narrowed his eyes, he knew exactly what she was referring to.
“I told you it was lapse of -“
“Don’t! Don’t you dare. You and I both know it wasn't.” She felt herself losing control. Tears threatening to escape. “I kissed you back.” she added in a small voice, not even sure if he heard it.
He did because then his face softened. And so did his tone.
“I was giving you an out alright. Look I was bleeding and you thought I was dying I -“
“So you lied to protect your fragile ego in case I rejected you.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Its exactly like that.” her shoulders slumped as she wiped her cheeks roughly. When did her tears fall? Was this a dead end? She turned. heading for the door.
“What do you want from me?” the desperation in his voice made her stop and turn.
“I want you to be honest with me. No matter what you think the consequences are Draco.”
“I’m no good for you Granger. Decorated war hero or ex death eater who turned in the last minute to save his own arse? You can ask me, ask your friends, ask the bloody Prohpet and they will all give you the exact same answer.”
“Well what about what I think Draco? We both know that’s not remotely close to the truth. Anyone who was in your situation would have made the same decisions. That monster threatened you and your family!”
His silver eyes dropped to the floor and a soft smile graced his lips. “You would not have made the same decision.”
“Draco, when I sent me parents away, that was the hardest decision of my life but I had to put my family first. Don’t push me away because you’re scared of what others might think. Everyone who knows you, knows your heart, understands your choices. I see that.”
She knelt down next to him placing a trembling hand over his. Draco’s eyes widened a fraction as they darted to hers, “I’ll break it off okay. Tell me you feel something and I will - "
He cut her off. She felt his hand at the base of her neck as he pulled her towards him, kissing her with such passion that reminded her of the first time. The difference was that this time, she knew exactly where they stood.
He pulled back and rested his forehead on hers.
“So no lapse in judgement this time?” she whispered, her eyes shut praying for the answer she dreamed of hearing.
His laughter was all she needed to hear.