Work Text:
When Kiyoomi walks into his agency and is already being called over to Sawamura’s office, he knows it’s going to be one of those days. He hasn’t even had time to change yet. This week has already been annoying. He hopes that whatever this issue is, it’s at least something more stimulating.
Sawamura sits in his chair behind his mahogany desk, giving Kiyoomi an apologetic smile. He closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. This has to be a joke.
“It’s Nogitsune again,” Sawamura confirms what he already knew.
“Send someone else.”
His boss folds his hands on this desk, “He always cooperates best with you.”
“None of his plans ever actually do anything. Just send someone else.”
“I can’t.”
“Please.”
“Sakusa,” he says with finality in his voice.
Defeated, Kiyoomi nods and heads to change into his hero outfit. Why? Why him? He’s one of the top ranking heroes in the country, and he’s subjected to this tomfoolery. It means that nothing terrible is happening in the world, but still. Sometimes he hates this job. Nogitsune is the bane of his existence. And the worst part? He can’t even do anything about it. It’s infuriating.
In the locker room, he pulls on his outfit: a bodysuit with special armored material, tactical boots, gloves, utility belt, and lower face mask. It’s all black, except for the stupid calligraphy gold letter P on his chest that the business team insisted was necessary for branding. Whatever. No one would call him creative. Whenever he was asked what he’s like to be called, he just mashed his power and color scheme together. Psionyx. It works for him.
Ready as he’ll ever be, Kiyoomi sets out for Nogitsune’s building. Yes. He knows where he will be carrying out his hair-brained scheme. It’s the top floor of Miya Tower, unless he’s changed things up all of a sudden. He doubts it.
Not bothering to enter the building, he uses his telekinesis to pull himself up to the top. Nogitsune even left a window open for him, how nice. Landing on the marbled concrete floor, he looks around. The place looks immaculate as always, but no one is in sight. With a sigh, he proceeds further inside to see what the stupid fox is up to this time.
Kiyoomi finds it disconcerting that he knows the layout of the penthouse so well. He hears movement coming from the kitchen, which is new. Taking a bit more caution, he slinks around the spiral staircase to peer in. A man around his age with black hair appears to be making onigiri? Who is this? Does someone actually live here? Was he hired by Nogitsune?
They appear nonviolent, and with previous encounters with Nogitsune, Kiyoomi doesn’t think he has to worry. As he walks plainly into view, the man stops molding his rice ball to glance at him.
“Oh, it’s you.” He says, looking rather bored. Then he gestures to the onigiri he’s already made, “Ya want some?”
Kiyoomi blinks and shakes his head. “Who are you?”
The man seems amused by his inquiry. “Jus’ the onigiri man. Don’t worry ‘bout me. Nogitsune,” he emphasizes the name, “is in the usual place.”
Thanking the man, he continues on. That was weird. He’ll have to follow up with this onigiri man after he’s dealt with the asshole. Really, he doesn’t get paid enough for this.
Upon entering the usual place, he sees Nogitsune fiddling with something on his workbench or whatever he calls it. And see, this is what he hates. He can’t just surprise attack him, because he is unarmed and not actively using his power in a threatening manner. He can’t arrest him, because he hasn’t actually done anything. He’s half sure that Nogitsune is the one who calls in the anonymous tips in the first place.
The villain turns around and spots Kiyoomi standing in the doorway.
“Oh good! Yer here! And lookin’ quite handsome as always.” He’s smiling his signature fox-like smile.
Nogitsune is known for his theatrics. He always wears a half faced kitsune mask with red and gold accents so his stupid mouth that never shuts up is visible, but his eyes are hard to read. His lips are painted red, too. No one knows what hair color he has because he wears this elaborate white wig with feathers. His outfit is traditional, as always. Oh, he has a new kimono. Today it’s a vibrant red with golden flowers and draping sleeves. A black obi accentuates his narrow waist. Why is Kiyoomi noticing this? His eyes certainly don’t linger.
“Nogitsune, this is the third time this week,” he says blankly, glaring at the villain.
“Now Psi-kun, I’m jus’ doin’ good, honest work.” He flips his long sleeves for effect.
“What about any of this is good or honest?”
“I was tryin’ ta show the public the necessity of flu shots!”
Kiyoomi raises an eyebrow. “By infecting everyone with the flu virus?”
“But I didn’t! They were distributin’ the wrong strain! So I gave the labs the right one like ya said!”
And see, this is another thing that’s infuriating. The man is obviously intelligent. But he’s so stupid. It had been a nauseating confrontation, realizing he was so close to getting the flu, as well as everyone around him. The flu shots had the wrong viral strain for the year, and this moron was using the right one and almost infected everyone. Then he realized the differences in the strains. It was a big deal on the news. Now the right shots have been distributed. Kiyoomi just doesn’t get it. Why be a villain when he can do so much good?
He sighs heavily, “Just show me what you have this time, so we can get on with it.”
He nods in excitement. “Feast your eyes on this!” Nogitsune drops one of his illusions with a hand flourish, making his invention appear.
It looks like a satellite dish. “Are you trying to get satellite TV illegally?”
The villain cocks his head, “Why would I do that?”
Who the fuck knows. “Then enlighten me.”
“I call it the Hypno-Clean-inator!” He looks extremely pleased with himself. God this man-
Kiyoomi leans his head back. Dear lord. Please end him now. “Pray, tell. What does it do?”
“I’m glad ya asked! Once I turn it on, it will send a signal ta everyone within a 20 kilometer radius and make ‘em feel the sudden urge ta clean!”
The hero blinks at the villain smiling broadly at him. What? Why? “Yeah, I’m going to have to confiscate that.”
Nogitsune pouts in exaggeration. “But I thought ya’d like this one!”
And that’s the thing. He does… But- “You can’t hypnotize people without their consent.”
“It’s not like it’s gonna hurt ‘em!” He actually stomps his foot. How old is this guy?
“Maybe, but that’s not the point.”
The villain crosses his arms and puffs out his cheeks like a petulant child. Kiyoomi rolls his eyes while pulling the small satellite to him via telekinesis. Does it make him a bad hero if he wants to know what this annoying asshole looks like under his mask? So he can avoid him off the clock too, of course. No other reason.
“So are we gonna do the fight thing this time, or we passin’?”
“If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather pass.” Nogitsune nods in understanding.
Sometimes they do fight. And you may ask again, why can’t Kiyoomi arrest him for assaulting a hero? Because like addressed earlier, this asshole is intelligent. Since he’s on private property, as long as he doesn’t initiate the fight, he can’t be held accountable if there are no severe injuries. And there never are, they never try to really hurt each other. It’s like sparring. This man knows the law like the back of his hand.
And that’s another point. Why does he keep doing all this stupid shit that he knows is illegal?! Is he just goading Kiyoomi? Should he call his bluff one of these days? Why does Kiyoomi play his game? Does he.. Like it?
Kiyoomi turns to leave with the invention levitating behind him when Nogitsune calls out to him.
“Are ya ever gonna tell me yer real name, Psi-kun?”
He doesn’t look back, he doesn’t want to see that hopeful expression. “So you can annoy me in my free time, too? No thanks.” This worst part is, he actually wants to.
“Until next time then, handsome.” Kiyoomi can feel the smirk and wink the man is giving him.
When he returns to the agency, he turns in the hypnosis machine thing and starts on his paperwork. He has an entire file dedicated to Nogitsune. He’s such a weird villain. Honestly, Kiyoomi wouldn’t even call him that. The man gets invited to schools and hospitals to entertain children. The public fucking loves him. He’s never once actually done anything illegal. He skirts the line like a professional, which Kiyoomi supposes he is. What is his goal? What does he want? He drops his head on his desk to groan in frustration. Why does Kiyoomi care so much?
Later that night in bed, Kiyoomi can’t stop thinking about Nogitsune. And not in a work way. It’s like he’s trying to get him all hot and bothered. With that obi tied so tight on his thin waist, that kimono hiding what Kiyoomi’s sure is a gorgeous body, and those red lips. God. He couldn’t stop looking at them. Fuck!
Nogitsune is the bane of his existence.