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Chief gathered what was nicknamed “ACME’s dream team,” in a small meeting room at an ACME HQ in Houston, Texas. The trio was not so affectionately rewarded the sarcastic nickname considering it consisted of, Agent Devineaux, who was known for driving vehicles into bodies of water, Agent Argent, who was known for her relentless trust in the woman they were trying to capture, and Agent Zari, who hadn’t technically done anything, but her stoic and generally disapproving nature made her the subject of plenty of snide comments anyway.
Chief wasn’t physically present in the room, the team nor the case was important enough to warrant anything more than a holographic appearance spilling from Zari’s pen. Julia recoiled at her boss’s strict tone, a blunt indication in her limited faith in the team.
“The item of concern is located in the Houston Museum of Natural Science. The Grand Duchess Tiara, an original piece from the House of Fabergé. It was commissioned as a wedding gift for Princess Alexandra of Hanover. The tiara’s expensive materials, royal background, and infamous creators could score VILE several million dollars if it falls into their hands. The crown will be vulnerable tonight, as the museum is hosting a royalty-themed charity ball, where the crown will be on display. This is not VILE’s biggest scheme happening tonight, and I doubt there will be much trouble. I simply need you to monitor the perimeter and the tiara. Report anything suspicious. Don’t engage in any combat, I have other agents on the case. Don’t get into trouble.”Chief briefed wearily. With that, the hologram clicked off, leaving the disgruntled agents in a strained silence.
“Her vote of confidence is overwhelming,” Zari grumbled, blame dripping from her voice. The reputation of her partners had dragged her into missions far below her capabilities, and she did not refrain from reminding them of that.
Julia agreed silently but said nothing. She was on thin ice at ACME considering the whole hacking debacle with Carmen Sandiego. Sarcastic remarks towards Chief were a luxury she could not afford.
Chase was snarling, spitting something about wasted potential, busy work, and Carmen Sandiego. Julia did give herself the luxury of ignoring him.
A bored-looking agent she didn’t recognize led them to a room filled with other agents selecting costumes and masks for the party. False invitations were shoved into their hands, and they were released to find an event-appropriate costume.
Julia ran her hands through the racks, looking through the clothes. The outfits ranged from torn rags to elaborate ball gowns. To her disappointment, none of the gowns seemed to belong to a specific region or time period and instead seemed to be a mesh of historically inspired features tied together with lots of artistic liberties. They were gorgeous of course, but the inaccuracies left Julia’s fingers twitching.
She quickly lost sight of Devineaux and Zari, enamored by the various costumes. “I wonder if ACME commissions designers, or hired a costume designer,” she murmured quietly without realizing.
“Oh god, she’s thinking,” hissed a voice hidden by racks. A few snickers rang out. Julia flushed.
She selected a deep sapphire brocade gown, embroidered with raised gold and white roses. The neckline and sleeves were edged with delicate white lace. More historically accurate features like hoop skirts and corsets were replaced with layered underskirts for volume and boning in the bodice to imitate the structure of a corset.
Julia grabbed a pair of white silk gloves and a blue velvet and faux gold mask. She decided to stick with her sturdy ACME issues boots, as they would be covered by the dress anyway. She followed the other operatives to a changing room, where she donned her royalty-themed clothing and went in search of her partners.
They were already waiting for her in the hallway, standing in deliberate silence. Zari wore a pale rose-colored gown, her fair hair spilling loose over her tan shoulders. Devineaux had chosen a vintage charcoal grey suit with tasseled silver shoulder pads and dramatic black leather boots.
Zari handed Julia a pair of plain gold earrings embedded with a communicator. They each tucked discrete gas guns into the secret pockets included in the costumes (though Julia wondered why all dresses didn’t have pockets, secret government organization costumes or not). Once each person was dressed and armed they made their way to their ACME-issued vehicle, a distinctly less expensive model than the two previous cars.
Zari pointedly took the front seat. Chase easily overtook her stride (damned tall people) and took shotgun. Julia sighed and hopped gracelessly in the backseat. It was going to be a long evening.
**************
People were already crowded at the front of the museum by the time they got there. A taco truck sat in front, a line of hungry partygoers twining around the vehicle (how very Texas). The trio of agents flashed their forged invitations to security and made their way inside, where the vast main entrance had been cleared to host the party. Exits to different sections of the museum had been blocked off with velvet ropes. Cream and gold decorations replaced directional signs and informative posters, and museum employees dressed in black handed out plastic crowns. Multicolored swaths of people milled the floor, chatting, dancing, and drinking glittering liquids out of glass flutes.
A sparse crowd had gathered towards the back of the hall, where a hastily constructed exhibit was on display. Various gowns and informational plaques had been set up, detailing the lives and luxuries of different royals across history. The Grand Duchess Tiara was front and center, glittering in its (horribly under monitored) glass case. Julia was dying to get a better look.
“Agent Argent,” Zari warned quietly, as Julia took a few eager steps towards the display. “We’re supposed to blend in and scout the crowd. See if you can spot any VILE activity before you go running to read about history.”
Julia understood that, technically, those had been their express instructions and Zari wasn’t being demanding by enforcing them, but she still felt the urge to scowl. Instead, she just nodded mildly and delved into the crowd.
Julia looked around, searching for any VILE agents she could recognize. She had only really seen the mime, the woman with the platinum blonde hair and retractable claws, and the woman who threw paper. So if it wasn’t one of those three she was kind of out of luck.
When she found no sign of those three on the dance floor she made polite conversation with the people standing idle on the sidelines and danced with whoever asked her, discreetly making her way to the exhibit at the back of the room.
She skimmed through the gowns on display, glancing around to see if there were any recognizable figures nearby. Only two men, one very tall and the other very broad stood nearby. They stood close together, speaking in soft affectionate voices. Their hands brushed occasionally. “They don’t seem interested in the crown in the slightest,” Julia mused to herself. After lingering for a reasonable amount of time Julia stood in front of the tiara display.
It was lovely. The tiara was made up of nine turrets sporting tear-shaped aquamarines, with twining diamond detailing. Romantic symbolism was lovingly crafted into every inch, with cupid’s arrows, bows of eternal love, and small diamond flowers decorating the circlet. “Forget me nots,” Julia concluded quietly, observing the glittering flowers, “for true love.”
“I didn’t know you were so familiar with floral symbolism Jules,” purred a familiar voice. Julia felt a warm breath brush the back of her neck.
Julia smiled. “Yes, but, red roses aren’t exactly subtle, no matter one’s familiarity with the language of flowers, Miss Sandiego.”
“Who’s to say I was trying to be subtle,” Carmen replied easily.
Julia turned to face the woman and sucked in a breath. Carmen wore a burgundy velvet gown that flared out from her hips and sported a modest train. The off the shoulder sleeves and almost scandalous neckline displayed the woman’s muscular arms and back.
“A- A lovely recreation of Edith Kingdom Gould’s Worth evening gown from her portrait in 1898,” Julia stammered, unable to form any other rational thoughts.
“You like it?” Carmen grinned, twirling a little, “I thought it was ironic considering her father was a corrupt robber baron who got rich at the expense of innocent people.”
“The exact sort of person you would steal from,” Julia agreed smugly, “That’s a nice touch.”
“Why thank you.”
“Seems inconvenient should you need to move around quickly, however.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that,” Carmen smirked.
Julia wanted to ask what she meant but instead said, “I wasn’t expecting to see you here this evening. I’m told this isn’t VILE’s most outrageous endeavor tonight.”
“True,” agreed Carmen quietly, placing a hand on Julia’s back, and leading her to a more private area behind some pillars. “This isn’t their most expensive caper, but it is their most experimental one. I believe they’re going to be unleashing some new tech for the first time. I recommend being careful.”
“You’ll be careful as well?” Julia couldn’t help but ask.
“Don’t you worry about me Jules,” Carmen countered playfully.
“You’re avoiding the question, and I’m always worried about you,” Julia muttered to herself. The thief gave her a breathtaking smile.
“Don’t look at me like that, you weren’t supposed to hear me.”
“Of course,” Carmen agreed, still smiling. She took Julia’s hand gently and raised it to her lips. “Until next time, Jules,” the thief said before turning and disappearing into the crowd.
“Until next time,” Julia whispered to the empty spot beside her, cheeks uncomfortably warm. She shook herself, she had things to do, warning Chase and Zari of the experimental tech first and foremost.
Julia made her way across the floor, combing the crowds for her partners. She wondered how exactly she could tell them about the new threat without revealing Carmen was at the museum.
She finally found them standing stiffly at the drink table, decidedly not blending in. Julia rolled her eyes. Hypocrites.
Just as she made it into their attention, the lights shut off abruptly. There were screams (why did people scream when lights unexpectedly shut off, it wasn’t like anything bad had happened yet, it was just dark) and general confusion. Julia felt a sharp pain in her neck that dissolved into a frantic throbbing. Glass shattered.
The lights came back on, and Julia winced at the brightness. When she looked around, both Devineaux and Zari had pressed their palms to the back of their necks. She glanced towards the frantic shouts and gasps to find the tiara display case empty, the glass strewn in shards across the floor.
“Shit,” Julia cursed, then startled at herself. She never really cursed out loud, and this was far from their stickiest situation.
“As much as admitting you’re right makes me insecure, ‘Shit’ is right Miss Argent,” Devineaux agreed, before his features twisted in confusion. “Why did I say that?”
“I mean, we all knew it so it’s not that big of a deal,” Zari told him before mirroring their confusion.
Julia touched her neck where a thin rivulet of blood dripped from some tiny unidentifiable injury. Her eyes widened. “VILE is testing out experiment technology tonight,” she told her bewildered partners, “I think we were injected with something that’s making us… excessively blunt.”
“And how would you know about VILE’s experimental tech?” Zari asked suspiciously.
“Carmen Sandiego told me,” Julia said simply, before clapping a hand over her mouth.
“Wow, no one is surprised,” Devineaux muttered. Julia rolled her eyes.
“You’re not supposed to talk to her. Anyway, we should go after the tiara, right?” Zari said.
“Technically we’re not supposed to pursue any adversaries considering we’re on perimeter-” Julia replied, “-but I agree, I think we should help retrieve it.”
Devineaux glanced between them, confused. “Shouldn’t we deal with the fact that we have been injected with some sort of truth potion, and Miss Argent has been fraternizing with La Femme Rouge first?”
“Look,” Zari sighed, “with you two as partners I need a career-maker to regain my former status, saving this tiara could be just that. So let’s put being slightly bigger assholes to each other and Julia’s obvious crush on Sandiego on the back burner until we do that.”
Chase sputtered before laughing.
Julia turned beet red. “Oh hell, Zari!”
“Truth serum,” Zari countered defensively.
“The truth serum isn’t making you smirk like that,” Julia pouted.
“I’m smirking because it’s funny.”
“You? Funny? That’s the joke,” Devineaux countered.
Zari glared.
Security shouted into the crowd, shaking Julia from whatever futile comment she was about to make. The room was secured, and no one was allowed to leave.
The trio glanced at each other in wordless agreement before flashing their ACME badges to security. They were easily released from the hold.
“I doubt the thief is still in the crowd,” Julia said when they were a reasonable distance from the guests under lockdown. Julia faintly noticed the two men she had seen near the crown were no longer in the crowd. She hoped they had just gone home early.
“They probably have a getaway vehicle somewhere,” Zari said thoughtfully.
“The parking garage is also under lockdown, Miss,” said a timid security guard.
“There is no way a thief would be dumb enough to park the getaway car in the parking garage,” Devineax said.
Julia nodded.
“But a car parked near the museum entrance driving away after something is stolen would be suspicious,” Zari countered, “They would have been caught by now.”
Julia’s eyes lit up in realization, “Not if the car was disguised as something that’s everywhere.”
“What are you getting at?” Devineaux grumbled.
“Remember the taco truck that was outside?”
Zari’s eyes widened. She tore towards the front doors, Julia and Chase in close succession.
By the time they spilled out the front the truck was already gone.
“It wouldn’t have left if it wasn’t the getaway vehicle, there were hoards of customers from the museum and it’s not that late,” Julia said, pleased she was right (though she was admittedly very often right, she was mostly just pleased no one could argue).
“Okay so how do we locate the taco truck, there’s like three on every block,” Devineaux asked.
A scarlet motorcycle rocketed past them. Long auburn tresses escaped the rider’s helmet and flew behind her like a lion’s mane. Carmen’s gown was torn away, revealing snug high waisted black pants and knee-high leather boots.
“We follow that!” Zari said, sprinting to the parking garage.
Luckily they were parked right at its mouth, so the three piled into the car and sped after the vehicles. It took a while to catch up with them, but the sharp purr of Carmen’s electric motorcycle was easily distinguishable from the low groans of the city’s traffic.
“You drive like a madwoman!” Chase told Zari frantically, clutching at his seatbelt.
“That’s part of being in a car chase, asshole!” She shouted back over the roar of the engine.
“Zari hasn’t almost drowned us tonight so I think she’s doing better than you!” Julia added.
“I’ve never almost drowned the two of you,” Chase sputtered, “Only myself!”
“Yeah, let’s keep it that way!” Zari growled.
They were getting closer to Carmen’s motorcycle, her brown hair whipping wildly in front of them.
“I didn’t realize-” Julia stopped and slapped her hands over her mouth, but the comment spilled out anyway, “-how much I needed Carmen on a motorcycle until tonight,” Her face turned bright red. She wasn’t sure what exactly VILE hoped to achieve by injecting her with truth compulsion serum, but if it was embarrassment, they had certainly succeeded.
Zari laughed at her surprisingly good-naturedly. “Julia, how the hell did it take me so long to realize you were a disaster lesbian?”
“You were too focused on being a hardass and talking in lines from bad detective shows,” Chase told her helpfully.
“I’ll have you know,” Zari said threateningly, “That they’re actually from cop shows.”
“They’re still bad.”
“Yeah no, you’re right about that one.”
Julia giggled. “Wow, you two sound like actual people right now.”
“Oh yeah, and how do we sound to you?” Zari asked, taking a sharp right turn.
Julia mustered up a guttural French accent. “La femme rouge!”
Chase bent over laughing.
Zari glanced at her in the mirror, “and what do I sound like?”
Julia smoothed her features into a blank expression, “Yes Chief, I will forfeit any discernible personality to get a promotion. Obviously.”
Zari smirked. “If I get a promotion I won’t have to deal with you two anymore.”
“Oh that’s quite the incentive,” Chase scoffed.
“Damn straight.”
In front of them, Carmen slid to the curb and hastily parked, before jumping off her bike and racing toward an abandoned building. There was a poorly concealed taco truck sitting under a grey tarp.
The team quickly followed and hopped out of the car. When they burst through the doors the sounds of a fight echoed off the darkened walls. Two voices, one Carmen’s and the other a faintly familiar woman’s voice. They were snarling and panting, and tossing what sounded like cuttingly personal insults.
Julia winced, “I hope she’s alright.”
Zari put a hand on her shoulder, “She’ll be fine, she’s an infuriatingly capable fighter.”
Julia nodded.
They ran through the building, following the sounds of the fight bouncing around the graffitied halls.
“I still think Carmen is a criminal,” Chase told her as the sprinted, “But when we find them we can try to break up the fight before retrieving the crown. It may be the safest option for her.”
Julia nodded gratefully before slowing. Her partners glanced back at her, confused.
“The fight sounds like only two women,” Julia said aloud, the truth serum spilling her thought process from her lips. “But when I was by the crown I saw two men close to the display. They were missing from the crowd after it was stolen.”
“That’s the kind of shit you should tell us Miss Argent!” Chase said, exasperated.
Zari caught on to Julia’s point. “You don’t think the woman Carmen’s fighting is the only VILE agent involved?”
Julia swallowed, “I don’t think so, she’s just the distraction, I think the men are the ones transporting the crown.”
Zari’s eyes darkened, “Then let's go find them.”
Julia looked towards the sounds of the fight reluctantly.
“Oh don’t be a baby, Miss Argent, you go help your girlfriend, Zari and I will find the other agents.”
Julia smiled gratefully. “They probably have another vehicle either on the roof or in the back.
“I’ll take the roof,” Zari said.
Chase nodded, “I’ll check the back. I’ll radio you two if I find anything.”
The three separated and Julia ran towards the sound of Carmen’s voice. There was ragged breathing and the two were wheezing in exhaustion. She quietly came up on a large room where she saw Carmen fighting with the woman in a green costume with platinum blonde hair. Julia recognized her as a VILE agent, and from having watched the performance of the street performer she and Chase had interrogated.
Despite her desperate desire to charge into the room and separate the two, Julai stood concealed in the doorway and readied her gas gun. When the fight progressed having the woman with her back to the door and Carmen facing Julia’s direction she jumped from her hiding spot and mimed covering her nose.
Carmen’s eyes widened and she jumped away from the fight, clasping her hands over her face.
“What are you-” screeched her opponent before Julia grabbed her from behind and aimed the sleeping gas at her face. In a few seconds the woman fell limp in her arms and Julia set her politely on the floor.
“Hey Jules,” Carmen rasped before grabbing at the case the unconscious blonde woman had strapped to her.
“Don’t bother,” Julia told her, “She’s just the distraction.”
Carmen held up the already opened case. It lacked a crown and was instead filled with small covered syringes, just as Julia suspected. Several were empty.
Carmen pulled one out.
“Careful, they’re filled with truth serum.”
Carmen looked at her, “You know from experience?”
“Unfortunately.”
A sharp voice cut in from Julia’s communicator. Carmen was standing close enough to her to pick up on the chatter.
“They’re on the roof,” Zari growled to them before her audio briefly cut out. “I could use some help,” she grunted.
“Shall we go help your, uh, partner?” Carmen asked.
“Work partner,” Julia clarified before she could stop herself, and the two raced out of the room to the nearest staircase. The building was thankfully only six flights, so they reached the top relatively efficiently. Both Chase and Zari were there, frantically fighting the two VILE agents as a helicopter rapidly approached. Judging by Carmen’s grimace, it was not going to be a helpful helicopter.
With four people against two, the couple from VILE was effectively outmatched. Carmen, despite her extensive exertions fighting the woman, was wonderfully capable of getting close enough to grab the packs strapped across their chests. The only hindrance was that she didn’t have enough time to unlatch them.
Julia and Carmen grappled with a tall French man who seemed like quite a petty fighter.
“You two are a cute couple, but you seem like a total ass,” Julia told him as the dodged attacks. That flustered the man enough to allow Carmen enough time to grab the pack. She jumped away from him and rifled through it.
“Not here, it’s on El Topo,” she yelled at Julia. With Carmen out of the way and the man distracted by trying to get his bag back, Julia shot the sleeping gas at his face. She caught him before he could hit the floor and lowered him slowly before diverting her efforts to the man she assumed was El Topo.
The man fought valiantly, but fighting four people without his partner quickly exhausted him, and the height of the roof seemed to be making him nervous. While the ACME team kept him busy Carmen slipped behind the man and snatched his pack, her eyes lighting up at the contents.
He whirled around to retrieve it but the helicopter landed on the roof.
“You better take Le Chevre and go,” Carmen told him. “You know what happens to VILE agents who get captured. You can’t risk him forgetting you for a crown.” The wording made it sound like a threat, but Carmen sounded genuinely concerned,
El Topo’s eyes widened, he grabbed his unconscious partner and boarded the helicopter, effectively surrendering the crown to them. Julia was too conflicted by what Carmen had said to be triumphant.
“Tigress?” the man asked, turning around to face them.
“There’s nothing you can do for her now,” Carmen said, “We won’t let them take her, just go.”
Carmen turned away from them and returned to the building. Julia and the two ACME agents trailed behind her.
“Will they come for the crown?” Julia asked?
Carmen shook her head. “They’re under protocol to get any injured or unconscious agents out first so they can’t be captured, And so they can be interrogated quickly in case they have any knowledge that might be lost if they die. By the time more agents arrive, we’ll have the crown back in the museum and it will be crawling with security.”
“That’s a morbid reason to transport agents back first,” Chase told her judgementally.
“I agree,” Carmen said without elaboration. She didn’t bother to refute any of his false judgments toward her. Instead, she turned to Julia and handed her the crown.
“Thanks.”
“Please, take Tigress to your superiors. By now she will be considered a liability of proprietary VILE information. If they find her they will erase her memories or worse, even if we don’t capture or interrogate her. I don’t like her, but she doesn’t deserve that. Confinement by ACME may be the only way to keep her safe.”
Julia nodded dutifully and began leading them back in Tigress’ direction.
“What will we do about the truth serum?” Zari asked, sounding a little annoyed that no one had mentioned THAT elephant in the room yet.
“Most of Dr. Bellum’s experiments wear off in a few days,” Carmen answered with the confidence of someone who had been subject to plenty of said experiments.
The ACME agents looked at each other in panic. “I am going to lose my job in the next hour if this doesn’t get fixed,” Julia admitted involuntarily.
Both Zari and Chase nodded.
“Why is that, Jules? Are you hiding any scandalous secrets?” Carmen asked in a way that was definitely flirty but Julia forced herself not to think about that too much.
“Well yes, considering I-” Zari clamped her hands over Julia’s mouth. Julia gave a tiny sigh in relief.
Chase glared at Carmen. “Don’t ask Miss Argent any questions,” he said, pointing a finger at her.
Carmen smiled, “Wow I didn’t know your two partners cared so much Jules. It’s heartwarming.”
“Yeah when they’re not being total pricks they’re actually sort of nice,” Julia said.
“Yes I suppose the two of you are tolerable,” Chase grunted.
“You’re both way funnier with the truth serum,” Zari agreed, “Though you’re bigger assholes too.”
They arrived at the room Tigress was in, the woman still lying unconscious, her hair splayed across the dirty floor. Carmen went towards her carefully and bound her wrists and ankles in a roll of thin black cables she pulled from one of her tall boots.
“You know,” she said, looking at the three agents, “I’m sure pen lady would probably let you off the hook for, I don’t know, helping Carmen Sandiego infiltrate a VILE shipment of truth serum antidote, if you brought her a captured VILE agent and a stolen tiara. Unless of course, you think you could go a few days unable to tell a lie and not get fired from ACME.”
They looked at each other. “I think there’s some merit to the first option,” Zari agreed suspiciously.
Carmen smiled, “Don’t worry, you’ll love going on a heist with team red! I might even convert you.”
“You’ve already converted Julia,” Chase said unhelpfully. Julia’s cheeks grew warm.
“Oh, I know,” Carmen said cheekily. “So,” she said holding out a hand, “Truce?”
They shook her hand in succession.
“Truce.”
“Truce.”
“Truce.”