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cw// panic attacks, mentions of death
The moon hangs in the middle of the sky. Light leaking in over the balcony, illuminating arrays of crystals dangling from the high rise ceiling. The scenery was almost completely peaceful, if it wasn’t for Adora running around like an idiot trying to find her dress.
“Ah fuck! I could’ve sworn I left it here yesterday. Or maybe over there?”
Closing the closet of her room, tumbling over the scattered garments tossed out from her ravaging, she made her way over to the dresser. The blonde opens all the drawers only to come up empty handed once again. “Ugh, Glimmer is going to have my head if I’m late,” she says.
Just as she was about to give in to her frustration, Adora scans the room one last time. Her eye catches a gown, her gown sprawled across a chair in the corner.
Adora internally screams at herself.
She stomps towards the seat with a pout. It quickly goes away though, to study the outfit. Adora’s hands wandered by themselves, tracing the outlines and designs customized by Brightmoon’s tailors. Fingers gliding endlessly across smooth white and gold velvet fabric. There’s something… familiar about the garment, some distant memory Adora can’t remember. She wants to though, it seems comforting and… important. Not like in the fake reality caused by the portal. The desperate need to understand why significant parts of Adora’s life she couldn’t remember flashed in her mind, to save the people she loved before they slipped through her grasp.
Strong fingers grip the dress at the memory. “Don’t say it’s perfect! I know it’s not perfect, and so do you!” “I don’t care. I won’t let you win.” A spike of guilt stabs Adora in her back. “It was nice being friends with you..” “You got this Adora. We believe in you.” “You broke the world and it is all, your fault.” Her eyes slam shut as if the scene was in front of her. Heart rate rapidly increases. It’s getting harder to breathe. “Take care of each other..” Sweat rolls down Adora’s forehead. “You just need to remember.”
Remember…
Remember.
Remember. Remember. Remember.
Remember. Rememberrememberremember.
REMEMBER!
Adora’s eyes snap open, pupils contracted, as she gasps for a breath of air. She shakes her head a couple of times, working the dread into the corners of her mind. She begins a breathing exercise. In, two, three, four. Out, five, six, seven, eight. Catra taught it to her while recovering from a panic attack a few months after the war.
The war. Mentions of it still seed discomfort into whoever speaks of it. Even after seven years since its end. Just because a war ends doesn’t mean its effects disappear. The early years of peace on Etheria were especially difficult. Rebuild, evacuate, relocate, assist, remove, grow, help. Countless times those words fell from Etherians mouths easily like it was blinking. There was so much to do, the Best Friend Squad had to postpone their voyage to bring magic back to the universe. They did eventually travel the universe, after a bitter year of healing. Healing Etheria, and themselves.
It’s hard for Adora to even imagine that she's safe. That Horde Prime is gone and there’s no more fighting and she gets the life she wants. She gets to want. She’s allowed to want and be selfish. That took a few years to fully understand. Living a life with a predetermined destiny has its effects. She’s getting better though, day by day, one breath at a time. She finally got rid of that red jacket. It took months for Catra to convince her wife to change her wardrobe. Her uniform gave her a purpose ever since she was a cadet. Her jacket and long sleeve shirt gave her security when the world was falling in front of her eyes. No one could understand how hard it was to let go. It’s okay to move on though, to leave things behind.
When Adora’s breath steadied, she mutters a small phrase of encouragement. “I can do this.” Slipping her muscular figure out of her loose shorts and tank-top and into the flowy, yet fitted gown made just for her. Clumsy as usual, Adora struggles with the cape. She places it in the front before realizing her mistake.
The blonde makes her way over to the closest thing they have to a mirror, not before picking up her tiara.
The giant waterfall spreads out into tinier streams, flowing down into the pool beneath. Delicate flowers on lily pads glide across the surface in never ending circles. Adora approaches the biggest stream, the water is so pure she can see her reflection staring right back at her. She places her crown upon her head, avoiding her signature hair poof she had worked on for so long. No matter how many times she was teased about it, she continued to sport it on her head. It had just stuck, a small piece of normalcy in a constantly changing world. Raising her hands to smooth out any wrinkles or bumps on her dress, patting herself down when she examines herself one last time. She looks beautiful. The dress grabs the right places, it hugs her just right.
She looks soft and older. Nothing like the warrior she was so many years ago. She gazes into her mirrored eyes, smiling like the fool she was. She was proud of herself to say the least. The moment doesn’t last. The smile melts into a frown and Adora’s eyes widen. She’s… been here before, she doesn’t know when, but it’s all so familiar. In this gown, in this room, facing herself through the crystal blue water. The feeling from before comes pouring back out. Adora’s mind runs through her memories trying to find where she has seen this before. She squints her eyes in concentration.
It hits her. Hard.
The Heart of Etheria. Her dying body lying in Catra’s arms while she slips into unconsciousness. This was the start of her dream, her wish. To be safe and happy and in love, so in love. And when she lets herself believe it’s real, Horde Prime appears and sends her into darkness highlighted by green pixels. I can’t still be there, she thinks. Catra saved me. We defeated him. He has to be gone, right? It’s over, isn’t it?
Adora’s mind goes blank just as the doors burst open. She flinches, spinning around in less than a second. Her arms raised up to her torso in alarm.
“Just let me brush it!”
“No!”
The Queen and her Royal Advisor stumble into the room, throats roaring with laughter. Glimmer grasps at Catra, but she’s too agile and quick for her best friend. Catra runs to Adora, the only person possibly able to save her. Glimmer chases after her.
“Don’t let her touch me! She’s going to torture me!” Catra squeals. Glimmer follows her on her tail as they run around Adora. Adora stands still, holding her breath as she experiences her wish once again. The fear on her face goes unnoticed by her wife and closest friend.
The hunt ends with Catra hiding behind Adora’s right shoulder like a coward. Her hands give off a comforting warmth that almost relieves Adora of all her worries.
“Do you always have to be this dramatic!” Glimmer's usual complaints Adora once thought were annoying when they first met nearly make her smile. She can pretend nothing was wrong and everything is perfect.
But this isn’t real, you idiot! That bastard is going to appear any moment and then I’ll be gone.
“Come on guys,” Bow walks in with a smile on his face. “If we are late to Scorpia's first ball she’s going to kill us.” He places a hand lovingly on his wife's shoulder blade. She instantly leans into him and admits defeat.
“Fine! You're off the hook. This time.” A smirk lightens the Queen’s face as she promises her revenge.
Of course he knows how to deescalate the situation between the two of them.
All Catra does in response is stick out her tongue. What a brat. Catra still has her childlike charm that made her wife’s stomach do flips when they were younger. It’s such a shame that this version of Catra is what she will remember when she is gone. A happy one, the one where they’re together.
Her attention turns back to Bow and Glimmer, her two best friends. The two people who have supported Adora endlessly this whole journey and kept her afloat at her lowest moments. She could never thank them enough for everything they have done for her, for saving her reckless ass from herself. Their outfits matched, coloured in pink and purple and gold and capes of blue. An earring on one ear to match the same on on the other’s. Bows midriff still shone with all its glory. (No one ever made fun of him for his signature style!) They looked at the other as if the whole universe was in their eyes. As if they were to look or pull away, the world were to stop spinning. Adora had seen her friends do this numeros times, since the day they captured her in the Whispering Woods. She always struggled to place the tension between their eyes before they blushed and found a piece of grass more interesting. Until they saved the world, or so she thought, that she understood.
Love. It was love, it has always been love. The way Catra looked at her, the way Glimmer eyed Bow, Mermista glanced out of the corner of her eye at Sea Hawk, Perfuma at Scorpia. Love. It was love bleeding through those orbs.
The King and Queen make their leave wordlessly, the quite opposite of how they entered. And then there’s just Adora and Catra left in their room. It was always going to be her and Catra.
Catra drops her arms from where they laid on her wife’s shoulder and arm and started for the door. Adora watches without a sound. There was one last thing before it ends.
Catra only gets a few steps in before she stops a few feet away. She pivots back around and faces Adora. Her hand held out. It’s all so simple and so cruel how fast it comes.
“You coming?”
Love is the last thing she is going to see before she dies.
Catra, her best friend, her rock, her other half, her lover, her wife, whatever you want to call it. Her Catra is looking at her, really looking at her. Not She-Ra, Adora. She was the first person to do so and will be the last. She’s wearing a silk red button up that’s open all the way and fitted pants with knee-high boots. Her hair grew long again, tied up in a high ponytail. A jacket to match Adora’s dress draped on her left shoulder, fingerless gloves on her hands. Catra still wears the pin Adora gave her for their engagement, fixed right under the last button of her shirt. Stars, she is so beautiful. Her lips lift into the softest smile Adora has ever seen and it’s all for her. It’s always been for her. Too bad it’s almost over. She is going to die here and Catra’s smile will be replayed over and over again when she drifts into darkness.
Catra’s hand is still stretched out for her, waiting, hoping, expecting. Adora knows how this plays out, but she can’t stop herself from looking back at the love of her life with every fibre of her being and smile. She had always put on a brave face, been the hero, smiled through all the pain.
With eyes full of tears ready to fall and the heaviest heart, she takes her last breath and reaches out to touch Catra’s hand.
...
And they meet.
And Adora gasps as she is holding Catra’s hand and Catra is holding her’s.
And her eyes widen.
And a single tear is running down her face.
And her wife is pulling her towards her gently.
“Hey, Adora?” God, I love the way she says my name. “What happened? What’s wrong babe?”
“I- uh- I,” Adora stutters repeatedly and more tears fall down her face. “Catra!”
She pulls her wife into the tightest hug the two ever shared. Sobs echo through the room. Adora has her head buried in the crook of Catra’s neck and the tears won't stop. She won’t allow herself to think, only feel the body of the woman she loves wrapped around her. Safe. Home. All Catra can do is hold Adora as she weeps in her arms.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here Adora, I’m here,” Catra whispers. “I’m not going anywhere.” Her words are barely heard over Adora’s crys.
Adora’s fingers clutch onto the back of Catra’s blouse. Any harder and it would rip. Neither would care. What matters is Adora right now.
Beats pass. Minutes at least. Adora loosens her grip on her wife’s back and slowly pulls away until they are face to face. She finally gets enough courage to produce a few words.
“Catra I,” she hiccups. “You-you’re here..!”
“Yeah princess. I told you I’m not leaving. I can’t beat Mermista at shots without my biggest supporter, can I? ” Catra tries to make light of the situation and it works. Adora releases a few giggles covered by sniffles. “Now try to calm down and we’ll talk about it. Okay?”
Adora nods slowly and shuts her eyes. She takes her time calming down. Once it gets easier to breathe, she squeezes her eyes to brace herself. Just in case this isn't really real. She opens them, Catra appears looking up at her and can’t believe she thought she would never see her again.
“Pfff okay,” Adora starts and gathers her words. Catra draws shapes on her lower back in encouragement. It works. “Back at the Heart,” she feels Catra shudder at the word. They’ve had many conversations of what happened back there ages ago. Long nights of nightmares filled with glowing green eyes and scars, tears, and soft kisses. “I-I went out and wh-when I opened my eyes and saw this dream-vision. It wasn’t perfect, s-something wasn’t, but e-everything I wanted was there. It s-started at the waterfall and then you and Glimmer c-came in and then B-Bow and when I r-reached out for your hand and m-mine went through it. It wasn’t real, Catra. And..”
One of Catra’s hands goes up to stroke her wife’s hair in an attempt to comfort her. “Keep going.”
Adora lowers her head and whispers, “Catra, h-he was there. He told me that there was no future for me. And then the whole place broke apart and it was all falling in front of me and then- and then,” she slowly tilts her head up to look at Catra. “You saved me Catra. You grabbed my hand and you saved me.”
The corner of Catra’s mouth raises when she hears, “My wish came true because of you, Catra.”
“Well I just got you back, I couldn’t lose you again.”
“You were too stubborn to let me die. Your stubborn ass loves me.”
“Ugh, says you! Seems like some pretty hero forgot that she rescued me from that fucker’s ship after I told her to. Stay. Away.” She repeatedly pokes Adora lightly in the chest, smirking all the while.
“Aren’t you glad I did? You wouldn’t have brought back She-Ra and her big muscles. Catra, we both know how flustered you get when you see them. Remember that one time you-”
“Alright, alright, shut up,” Catra flushes red. Adora knows how smug she looks right now. It’s absolutely disgusting. Catra sighs. “Idiot.”
“You’re an idiot, babe.” She knows Catra can’t disagree with her. She knows what idiot truly means.
Adora raises her hand to wipe the dried tears that paint her face. She releases a set of short chuckles.
“I bet I look like a mess now,” she avoids Catra’s gaze.
“Hey,” Catra hooks her index finger under her wife’s chin and turns her attention back to her. “You look gorgeous, Adora,” She kisses her cheek. “Believe me, I almost landed on my ass when I barged in here and saw you.”
There it is again. Love. Their problem. Their solution. If Adora could do it all again just to hear Catra call her gorgeous, she would. No need to think it over. She would travel the ever expanding universe to get to Catra just so she can say her name again. They’ve been through a lot, near-death experiences, heartbreak, and the end of the world. Twice. But with Catra holding her like this, it doesn’t matter what happened before. They have each other. They have now.
“I’m glad I stayed,” Adora whispers.
“I love you, Adora,” Catra whispers back. The response is instant.
“I love you, too.” Adora leans down and their lips connect. They kiss slowly, savouring it. Holding on as if it's the last time.
They separate and rest there for a moment, foreheads touching. Warmth all around them. In blissful peace and comfortable silence. Adora’s still here, so is Catra, and Glimmer, and Bow, and all of their friends. They’re all safe and happy and- going to be late if they don’t leave now.
“Now come on, Glimmer is going to execute us if we don’t get a move on,” Adora starts to pull her wife towards the door.
“Calm down blondie, Queen Sparkles would never lay a hand on her most trusted advisor,” Catra singsongs the last few words. She loves using her title to piss off Her Royal Highness.
“She almost had you 10 minutes ago!”
“Key word, princess. Almost.”
They stumble out of their room, laughing. Hand in hand, together, they stroll down the halls of the castle.
They are only a couple of minutes late. Glimmer gives them hell.