Archive of Our Own

“Excuse me?” 

Loki looked up from the man he’d been about to heal. For months he’d been visiting Midgardian hospitals to heal the unfortunates caught in the crossfire of his fights with the Avengers. If he didn’t then Stark would spend all of his time designing medical tech and a tired Stark wasn’t as much to flyte with. Besides, it was excellent practice for the more delicate applications of seidr, mortals were such fragile creatures. 

“Yes?” he asked. The woman standing in the doorway was wearing a nurse’s scrubs and ID badge and he’d seen her a couple of times before while slipping through the halls under concealment spells. Most of the hospital staff seemed to know about his nocturnal visits, or to know something at least, but this was the first time one had tried to speak to him. 

“I know you’re just here for the victims of the incident in Times Square but there’s a five year old boy who asked me to save his mother and she’s not going to make it through the night.” Her voice shook and her hands would probably be shaking too if they weren’t so tightly clasped together but she was still standing before him and her gaze never wavered. 

“He has no other family,” the nurse continued. “If she dies he’ll go into foster care.” 

Loki sighed, he knew all about the horrors of being raised by a family not your own. “You are fortunate that I have a soft spot for mothers,” he said.

“Sir, I have detected a deviation in Mr Liesmith’s usual routine,” JARVIS said. 

“Oh come on,” Tony said, running one hand through his hair and reaching for his coffee. “We already kicked his ass once today.” Well, shot at him until he got bored and vanished, leaving them to deal with sentient and highly belligerent traffic lights. “What is it this time? Giant squirrels? Leprechauns? Singing windows?” 

“He appears to have healed a terminal cancer patient.” 

“Uh, come again?” He still wasn’t sure why Loki healed the civilians who got caught in their fights but since no one was getting hurt he hadn’t said anything to the rest of the Avengers. Neither had SHIELD and they definitely kept an eye on the victims to make sure they didn’t spontaneously combust or something. Thor seemed confident that second-hand exposure to Loki’s magic wasn’t harmful but Thor was confident about a lot of things related to Loki that weren’t necessarily true. 

“Marcia Santiago,” JARVIS said, projecting her medical records. “Age thirty-one. This morning she was found to be in perfect health.” 

“Huh,” said Tony, most of his attention on trying to parse the medical jargon. “Get Brucie bear down here would you J?” Bruce might insist that he wasn’t that kind of doctor but he understood this stuff a hell of a lot better than Tony did. 

“He will join you momentarily sir,” JARVIS said, sounding suspiciously smug about something. A quick glance at the security feed showed him that Bruce was making breakfast with actual nutrients and vitamins and there was enough for two, ugh.  

“Any other deviations J?” 

“None that I’m aware of as yet Sir.” 

“Good.” Probably. Anything unexpected from Loki was usually bad although so were most of the things that they expected from him so Tony wasn’t entirely sure where that left them. At least now there was one less kid going into the foster system. “Store a copy in a secure server and scrub the footage JARVIS. She doesn’t deserve to have SHIELD breathing down her neck.” He looked at her file again. “Pay off her medical bills too, anonymous donation.” 

“Consider it done Sir,” JARVIS replied, opening the lab door to let in Bruce with a tray of food and some sort of smoothie. DUM-E beeped in protest. 

“Don’t worry kiddo,” Tony said, patting his claw. “Your smoothies are still my favourite.” 

Loki was just doing it for the brownies. He wasn’t kind, or good, or softhearted or any of the other things Thor liked to accuse him of. He was just healing the terminally ill because after he healed Ms Santiago Nurse Tilly had given him a piece of homemade chocolate brownie and Loki had a sweet tooth.  

It had been a very good brownie.

There had been a lot of brownies in the months since. There were always more patients beyond the reach of Midgardian medicine and it truly wasn’t that hard to heal them with magic. Even on the nights when Nurse Tilly wasn’t working he often found a container of brownies and a stack of patient files in the little corner of the break room that had been designated his. 

He often found flowers, cards and children’s toys there as well. He left the flowers for the nurses to enjoy, the cards were slowly covering his living room wall and the toys had served as inspiration for some of his recent pranks. Bringing the strange creatures called Pokémon to life and loosing them on New York had been quite enjoyable, as had the giant slinky snaking its way down Broadway and the rain of bouncy balls. 

He wasn’t been sentimental, he wasn’t, he just liked that here in this tiny corner of the realms his help was appreciated. The other nurses were gradually starting to talk to him, mostly about their jobs, but sometimes about fashion or books or, on one memorable occasion, that cheating asshole. Loki may or may not have attacked the part of the city where said asshole lived with giant cocktail decorations later that night. There had been a lot of alcohol involved in that talk. 

They provided offerings of their own too. He got cakes and cookies and pastries. After Thanksgiving there had been a plate of turkey sandwiches and one night he’d come in to a full pot of curry with the file of a seven year old car crash victim propped up next to it.   

Loki hadn’t had to buy (or otherwise acquire) food for weeks except for that one time Doctor Fraiser made him some sort of pie. Maybe? He wasn’t sure what it was supposed to be but the texture was wrong, the consistency was wrong, the taste was wrong and the smell was best unmentioned. Loki had quickly decided to heal all of her patients in a desperate bid to ensure that she never, ever cooked again. Even Thor would have struggled to eat whatever it was and Thor would eat anything.

Tonight he found a file hidden under a plate of brownies and a hastily scribbled note. 

I stole this from Doctor Strange, arrogant prick insists that anything you can do with your mumbo jumbo he can do backwards and in high heels and has taken to hiding his files from you. 

Everyone (except Strange) says this tumour is inoperable, can you help? 

There was no name, presumably in case this Doctor Strange found the note and file. Loki smirked, this sounded like a challenge. Not healing the patient, that would be easy, but breaking into Strange’s office and finding the rest of his files. Oh, he’d let Strange keep most of them to himself but he’d heal one or two just to show the good doctor what his mumbo jumbo could do. 

“Are you sure this is wise Sir?” JARVIS asked as Tony willingly drove to the hospital. 

“When have you ever known me to do something wise J?” Tony replied, squeezing into a gap that a wise man definitely would have ignored. 

“An excellent point Sir, nonetheless-” 

“Nope,” Tony said, “no nonetheless, it’s just like but, nothing good ever follows nonetheless and I don’t wanna hear it.” 

“Sir,” JARVIS said reproachfully. 

“It’ll be fine J,” Tony said, “I have the suitcase armour in the trunk and you to monitor everything. Besides, Loki only visits at night.” 

“Mr Liesmith would not be regarded as the God of Chaos if he stuck to a routine.” 

“Nothing’s going to happen JARVIS, I’ll talk at a few lonely coma patients, read books and give presents to the kiddos and check in on the prosthetics ward.” 

“If you say so Sir,” JARVIS did not seem convinced but for the next few hours Tony did exactly as he’d said. Alright, so he did order coffee from the nearest shop when he tasted the filth in the cafeteria and he got Italian take-out from his favourite restaurant (which didn’t usually do take out) for the staff but nothing blew up so JARVIS had no cause to complain. 

It was only as he was preparing to leave that he visited the break room and the little shrine to Loki. There was the usual selection of cards and flowers, a box of chocolates, a Tupperware container of brownies, a Captain America action figure (he’d have to make sure the kid got a replacement, and an Iron Man action figure as well, Iron Man was much cooler) and a carton of Italian take out. 

Tony smiled and carefully nudged some of the cards aside so that he could leave his own offering. Satisfied, he stepped back to admire the Iron Man tea canister (he thought it was an abomination but the marketing department insisted that it sold well) filled with Bruce approved tea leaves. 

“Do you think he’ll like it J?” 

“I think this is highly inadvisable,” JARVIS replied through his phone. 

“But?” 

“But he has accepted your other offerings Sir.” 

Tony’s grin was totally because of all the people that smiled at him on the way out and had nothing at all to do with a certain Trickster accepting his gifts.   

Loki approached the small corner of his apartment that was hidden by every concealment and protection spell he knew and a few he’d made up. The wards reached out, curling around him, and then receded when they recognised him. 

Where before there had been a plain bookshelf decorated with odds and ends from across the realms now there stood a highly polished table under shelves supported by ornate iron fittings. Tastefully arranged across the dark wood was a shrine to Tony Stark. 

One shelf held printed copies of all of Stark’s academic papers and press releases, and Loki derived a certain amount of satisfaction from having them printed and handbound in leather, knowing it would drive Stark up the wall when he could have used a tablet instead. 

A second shelf held things that Loki had acquired from Stark over the course of their acquaintance. Odds and ends that had been knocked off (sent flying) the Iron Man suit in their battles, a tumbler for that drink he’d never got, a hoodie that had been forgotten at the hospital, and a pair of sunglasses that Loki had stolen in a coffee shop one day.

It was the table itself and the other shelves that held what Loki considered to be the true treasures. An Iron Man figurine that had clearly been made in Stark’s lab (Loki had checked it for surveillance equipment before bringing it home) hovered in the middle of the collection. Next to it sat cup shaped like Iron Man’s helmet though given the size bowl might have been a more accurate description. 

A Stark phone was next. Like the figurine it was clearly custom made. Loki had checked and it didn’t match any of the models available in the stores. He’d been using it more and more often of late, chatting to the nurses and organising girls nights. Sometimes he even amused himself by venturing into strange corners of the internet for no other reason than to confound Stark. 

Loki examined the array of keepsakes and gifts critically and then conjured a hook to hang the SI Christmas scarf from. He polished the spot where it had sat and then set down his newest acquisition, an Iron Man tea canister. The scent of the tea leaves suggested that it would be a delightful blend but it was the other lingering scent that Loki truly treasured; motor oil and plasma and the fading hint of Stark’s cologne.  

He allowed himself a small smile as the wards reengaged and the shrine disappeared. The gifts were all very well and good but it had been entirely too long since he had last heard Stark’s voice. It was time to plan his next prank.

“Oh my god,” Tony said, staring across New York with something approaching unholy glee. 

“Just shoot me now,” said Steve, his face bright red. All of the flagpoles that had once flown the American flag now proudly flew the Captain’s star spangled spandex. 

“This is amazing,” Tony said, dozens of screens floating around him showing the full extent of Loki’s latest prank. If he’d missed any flags Tony had yet to find them. 

“JARVIS, where is Loki?” Steve asked, cracking his knuckles. “We need to have words.” 

“I am unable to ascertain Mr Liesmith’s current location,” JARVIS replied, which meant that he genuinely couldn’t find him rather than that he was hanging out at the nearest hospital. 

“Who cares?” Tony said, “he’s not hurting anyone.” Okay, so maybe there had been a couple of minor car crashes when people noticed their new star spangled flags but nothing major. Loki wasn’t actively causing harm. 

“He’s hurting my eyes,” Clint said. “Having to see that suit on Steve is bad enough.”

“It does seem quite tame for Loki,” Bruce said. 

“You’re only saying that because it isn’t your suit on display,” Steve retorted. 

“My suit is a super stretchy pair of pants,” Bruce said. “Kids flying pants from flagpoles isn’t anything new.” 

“This is quite tame by my brother’s standards,” Thor said. 

“Oh boy,” Tony said. He had just caught sight of phase two of Loki’s evil master plan. Someone had attempted to take down one of the new and improved flags and replace it with the boring old one. As soon as the poor sucker touched Steve’s suit his clothes had transformed and he couldn’t pull off the spangles nearly as well as the good Captain did. 

“Oh god,” Steve moaned, looking as if he wished he could melt through the floor. The same scene was repeating throughout the city.

“Sir,” JARVIS said. “I have detected a disturbance in your lab.” 

“What kind of disturbance?” Tony asked. “Is DUM-E trying to use the force again?” 

“It appears that your suits have fallen prey to Mr Liesmith’s latest prank,” JARVIS said, projecting a picture of his now red, white and blue Iron Man suits. 

“JARVIS, send a suit up and find Loki, I need to kick his ass.” 

“At once Sir.”

“I don’t know what you’re laughing at Birdbrain,” Tony snapped as he stomped past the sniggering Clint, “he probably got your suit as well.” 

JARVIS, helpful soul that he was, projected images of all of the Avengers’ suits. None of them had been spared.  

“My cape,” Thor growled, catching a corner of the offending fabric. Personally Tony thought that Thor’s armour looked worse but there was no accounting for Space Viking taste. 

“Don’t worry baby,” Tony said, patting his suit as he stepped into it. “We’ll have you sorted out real soon.” 

Tony knew that he should wait for the rest of the Avengers but they were so slow and he needed to get this abomination fixed now. His poor suit was suffering. He was suffering, he could feel himself losing coolness with every second that passed with him dressed up in bad cosplay. 

Fortunately JARVIS finally had a lead on the Trickster so he zoomed towards Central Park, announcing his presence with a repulsor blast as Loki transformed the outfit of a middle aged man playing frisbee with his dog who was definitely too round to pull off the spandex. The dog seemed quite happy with his frisbee shield though.  

“Hello Stark,” Loki danced aside and grinned up at him. “Are you enjoying my latest prank?” 

“So much my eyes are bleeding Reindeer Games,” Tony replied, still shooting at him. He could talk and shoot at the same time, even if they usually didn’t. Loki’s latest trick definitely called for a little multitasking. 

“Why?” Tony asked, “just why?” 

Loki smirked. “Because the good Captain is the only one who would be embarrassed by this.” 

Point. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll do something Iron Man themed next, I wouldn’t want you to feel left out.” 

“That’s not necessary,” Tony said quickly, he could already imagine the kind of horrors that Loki would unleash. “I’m feeling very included already.” 

“Good, you won’t mind if I make it permanent then.” 

“Oh hell no,” Tony said, powering up every weapon he could safely fire (and a few that he couldn’t, safety warnings were for the weak). Loki disappeared in a cloud of smoke and explosions. And lightening. Thor had arrived.

“Oh dear,” Loki drawled from behind them. “It seems you’ve acquired the Captain’s aim in addition to his abysmal taste.” 

“It was the propaganda department,” Steve yelled, throwing his shield at Loki. Loki snatched it out of the air and used to block Clint’s arrows and Natasha’s bullets before throwing it back with enough force to cut through an inconveniently placed tree. 

“Oops.” 

“Oops?” Clint echoed. The spies hadn’t made too much of a fuss about the alterations to their suits but Tony could tell that they both felt uncomfortable being so visible. 

“Thor does worse all the time,” Loki scoffed. 

“You once blew up a mountain,” Thor retorted before Tony was forced to concede another point. 

“I put it back.” 

The superspies took advantage of his distraction to launch another attack and Tony hastily joined in only to have everything bounce off a shimmering green shield. 

“Is that the best you can do?” Loki asked, brushing imaginary lint of his shoulder and looking directly at Tony. 

“It’s on,” Tony said, charging up the unibeam. 

“And now it’s off,” Loki said, snapping his fingers. “Performance issues Stark? Not uncommon I believe.” 

“You are such an asshole.” 

“It’s one of my better qualities.” 

“Hey,” Clint protested, “how come he gets his suit back?” 

“Awesome,” Tony crowed, raising a gauntlet to check (and also to shoot at Loki on the off chance that this was the one time he didn’t teleport away or shield himself). 

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Loki drawled and then he vanished like the annoying asshole he was. 

“JARVIS?” Tony asked. 

“There is no sign of Mr Liesmith, and phase two seems to have ceased.” Well that was something, Fury would count it as a win right? 

“Hey JARVIS,” Tony said, grinning wickedly. “Did Lokester get anyone from SHIELD?” 

“Hmmm.” 

The envelope was new. Loki peered at it uncertainly. It was the wrong size and shape for a thank you card and those were usually left standing on the table anyway. It seemed somewhat thicker than usual too and it had been sealed with medical tape. 

Nothing else on the shrine was out of the ordinary. Flowers, toys, cards, a handknit scarf in his favourite shade of green and a serving of shepherd’s pie with a slice of brownie for desert (at some point the nurses had realised that his diet consisted almost exclusively of what they left for him and had made it their personal mission to ensure that he ate properly). 

It could be a trap but Loki was insatiably curious and fully willing to pull a man’s appendix out through his nose if crossed. Besides, the staff all liked him (apart from Strange but he’d been in an accident recently and run off to Kamar Taj) and he was confident that they wouldn’t report him to SHIELD or those of his enemies that were actually dangerous. Or worse, his brother, but mysterious envelopes weren’t Thor’s style. 

He carefully scanned the envelope with his magic and, finding nothing, picked it up and opened it. 

“Oh.” Loki blinked rapidly, he wasn’t crying, there was just something in his eye. He sniffled a little and went through the cheques in the envelope one by one. The nurses, they were trying to pay him. 

He sniffed again and wiped his eyes (he still wasn’t crying) before putting the envelope down. The nurses got paid little enough as it was, he couldn’t take their money. Instead he wrapped the scarf around his neck and carried the brownie over to the table so he could eat it while he read up on his latest patients. 

“Hey Tony,” Steve said. 

“Hey Steve,” Tony replied and then his brain caught up. “How did you get in here?” he demanded, spinning to face the Captain. He was sure he’d told JARVIS not to let anyone into the lab. 

“Bribery,” he replied because apparently he could commit bribery but heaven forbid he lie about it. “I promised JARVIS I’d bring you food.” He did indeed have a tray in his hands laden down with what might charitably be called an omelette and a smoothie. 

“You know, you guys are going to give DUM-E a complex if you keep bringing me smoothies,” Tony said. “That’s his thing.” 

Steve shrugged and set the tray down, pushing it across the bench towards him. “I promise it won’t taste as good if you don’t eat it hot.” 

“Fine,” Tony grumbled, questionable appearance aside the omelette was actually, well, edible was the best way to describe it really. The captain had many wonderful talents but cooking was not among them. 

“What are you working on?” Steve asked. 

“Trying to track Loki,” Tony said between mouthfuls. The reproachful look and the lecture he’d get if he tried to talk with his mouth full so wasn’t worth it. 

“Any luck?” 

“Nope,” Tony replied, totally ignoring the fact that JARVIS was currently scrubbing the hospital surveillance footage and the lip reading algorithm said that Loki was planning a girl’s night with the nurses. If Loki was out getting drunk then he wasn’t terrorising the city. Probably. There had been some sort of cocktail umbrella monster a few months ago and Loki had seemed rather tipsy. 

“I’m sure you’ll work it out,” Steve said, “no one can hide from Tony Stark.” 

“Damn straight,” Tony said, cheering with his fork and sending a little omelette flying. U beeped reproachfully and began to clean it up.  

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Steve said, “remember it’s movie night tonight, Nat’s pick.”

“I’ll be there,” Tony said. Nat usually had pretty good taste in movies, also, if he skipped she’d murder him and he’d like to not get murdered thank you very much. He could deal with subtitles and Bruce trying to explain the nuances of translation to Thor again. 

“You’d better,” Steve said. “And eat your greens.” 

“Damnit,” Tony grumbled, he’d been carefully picking around the greens hidden in his omelette. Damned super serum senses. Under Steve’s eagle eye he reluctantly put a forkful of greens in his mouth and Steve gave him a cheery smile that remained fixed in place until he swallowed. 

“I thought you said torture was unethical,” Tony muttered, scooping up another forkful. 

“Keep an eye on him JARVIS,” Steve said, making his way out. 

“I always have an eye on Sir,” JARVIS replied, the little snitch. Tony sighed and resigned himself to eating his greens least Steve or, worse, Pepper, be informed. Greens were definitely better than an angry Pepper. 

“Lock-down the lab and pull up the security feed J,” Tony ordered. If he had to eat Steve’s sorry attempt at cooking then he’d do so while watching Loki, those killer legs and green eyes almost made up for it. Almost. 

They’d done it again. If nothing else Loki had to admire their determination and dedication but he truly didn’t need the nurses’ money and they truly couldn’t afford to give it up. Honestly, he was sometimes tempted to give them money but he knew that they’d never take it and it would definitely lead to questions and he was trying to fly under the radar here. 

He didn’t want SHIELD to catch onto his dastardly scheme to undermine the American healthcare system. It was already so chaotic that it gave him a headache, he was definitely healing terminal patients because it would eventually topple the system and not because of sentiment. Explaining why he spied on Stark to see his reaction was a little harder but Loki just told himself it was reconnaissance and ignored the fact that he never spied on the other Avengers. 

He left the envelope where he had found it and went to the table, withdrawing paper, ink and quill. He’d made the paper himself from a particular tree found only on Vanaheim. Traditionally it was only used by the royal family for the most important of correspondence; births, deaths and marriages. Frigga had used it to tell her family that she’d acquired a second son. 

Loki had never held with tradition though and the nurses deserved it even if they never knew what it meant. 

He’d made the ink himself as well, had spent hours upon hours locked in his workshop until it was the perfect shade of green. Loki was nothing if not a perfectionist and he wasn’t going to let petty constraints such as practicality get in the way of having an ink that perfectly matched his magic. 

The quill was special too, stolen from one of Odin’s thrice damned birds and tipped with uru. Loki usually reserved it for writing in his grimoire but he was the God of Chaos, he could use it to write elsewhere if he wanted to. 

He wrote in perfect calligraphy, the kind that even he found too demanding for everyday use and that Frigga had despaired of ever teaching Thor, the kind that would have had the cryptographers working on the Voynich manuscript weeping with joy and knocking on his door.

Keep your money. I prefer your other gifts.   

He waited for the ink to dry while munching on the brownies that Tilly had baked for him and flicking through the files on his latest patients and then carefully set the note down on the envelope of cheques. After a moment he added a voucher for an absolutely divine massage for each of them (he was a god, if he said something was divine it was). They really were too good to him. 

“What the hell?” Clint asked when Loki just up and vanished in the middle of battle. It was his MO but he usually had the decency to stick around a little longer before poofing away. “Did he just fake call us like some shitty first date?” 

“Maybe it’s just his latest prank?” Tony suggested. Loki had answered a phone call mid battle and JARVIS had managed to triangulate the call to Loki’s favourite hospital on the opposite side of the city before it had ended but he wasn't about to explain Loki's sideline as a healer to the Avengers. 

“No way,” Clint argued. “We did not just get jilted by the god of assholery.” 

“If it wasn’t a prank it raises an interesting question though,” Nat said, “who on Earth is important enough to him that he’d just leave? He even gave the animals their tails back.” 

“Maybe it was the same person who introduced him to pin the tail on the donkey,” Clint said, ducking out of the way of a tiger that seemed very happy to have its tail back and maybe just a little bit hungry. 

“It could have been worse,” Tony said. “At least this was the PG version.” He might have expanded the game to include an entire zoo’s worth of animals but it was just their tails that they were missing. Clearly Loki hadn't been invited on any hens nights yet. 

“Were you able to trace the call Tony?” Steve asked, his face very red and his voice slightly strangled.  

“Damn, someone’s been brushing up on the twenty-first century,” Tony said, watching the security footage JARVIS had hacked into. Loki had been called to save a shooting victim. Single father, two kids, yeah, he could totally understand why the Trickster had bailed on them. He seemed to have a soft spot for single parents. 

“So I’m guessing that’s a no,” Nat said. 

“It looked like a Stark phone to me,” Clint added. 

“Do you have any idea how many of those things there are in a hundred yard radius?” Tony asked. It might have taken him a hot second to track the call if he didn’t already know the number but he wasn’t about to explain the custom phone to them. He just hoped that they weren’t familiar enough with his product lines to recognise it for what it was.  

“Why would he use a Stark phone?” Steve asked. 

“Because Stark phones are the best, duh,” Tony replied. 

“It doesn’t bother you that he’s using your tech?” Clint asked. 

“Hell no, I’m thinking of using it in the next marketing campaign, do you think he’d agree to pose for some pictures?” Honestly, didn’t they know him at all? He’d have been more offended if Loki had ditched them using some second-rate antique. 

“Tony no,” Bruce interjected. “You cannot ask the God of Chaos to pose for you.” 

“But Bruce,” Tony whined. They’d totally be tasteful pictures, he didn’t want the masses ogling his favourite Asgardian. Loki was his. 

“No Tony.” 

“Work on tracking that call Tony,” Steve said. “Maybe we can use Loki’s phone to track him or something.” 

Been there, done that. It definitely only worked when Loki wanted to fuck with him. “Sure thing Cap, I’ll get right on it,” Tony said, saluting him. “So, who wants shawarma?” Rounding up the newly re-tailed animals was definitely a job for SHIELD and if they were eating they weren't chasing after Lokes so it was a win all around. "My treat." 

“You’ll never guess who is coming here tomorrow,” Tilly said, grinning at Loki. It was a quiet night and she was still his favourite nurse so he’d sought her out to catch up on the hospital gossip. 

“Oh, do tell,” Loki replied, leaning across the desk of the nurse’s station. 

“The Avengers,” she said. “They’re doing one of their public outreach programs.” 

“Uh, you mean those tacky things that are on the news all the time?” Loki asked. If he had to see his brother’s ugly mug on the screen one more time… If he wanted to see Thor he’d just bring the trees to life in Central Park. 

“Yup. Do you think Black Widow will give me her autograph?” 

“Planning on committing identity fraud with it?” Loki asked, a brilliant, terrible idea taking shape.  

“I’ll leave that to y- what’s that look for?” 

“Nothing,” Loki said, “I was just wondering, how many patients do you think are checked in at the moment?” 

“Why?” Tilly asked carefully. 

Loki grinned at her. “Because I’m going to heal them all.” It would be exhausting and headache inducing but totally worth it to see the looks on the Avengers’ faces when they showed up to an empty hospital. 

Also, that wanker Strange was back from Kamar Taj and he thought he knew more about magic than Loki did now. Loki was only too happy to show him how very, very wrong he was.

“Excuse me ma’am,” Steve said, marching over to the nurse’s station. 

“Yes Mr Rogers?” the green eyed nurse replied, looking up from her computer screen.  

“Where are all the patients?” 

The Avengers were there bright and early (too early in Tony’s opinion, the hours before midday were a crime against humanity), the press crew was there, the PR team was there, all that was missing were the patients, which you would think would be easy to find in a hospital. Just not this one apparently. 

“There are no patients at this time,” the nurse replied. 

“Excuse me?” Steve said incredulously. Tony tapped away on his phone frantically, the team had forced him to go to bed the night before so he hadn’t been able to monitor Loki’s nocturnal activities. J knew to scrub the footage though and Tony knew that this was the Trickster’s favourite hospital, it was why he’d arranged for it to be the one they visited. 

“There aren’t any patients,” the nurse repeated, resting her chin on one perfectly manicured hand. 

“But it’s a hospital,” Steve said. 

“Tony, stop watching YouTube videos,” Bruce chided. 

“Can I make one instead?” he asked, pointing the camera at where Steve was debating the patients question with- holy fuck was that Loki? 

“No harassing the nurses Tony,” Bruce said, pushing his mouth shut. 

“But…. but…” he gestured to the nurse with her dark hair and bright green eyes and seriously, could the rest of the Avengers not see it? It was Loki. As if she’d heard his internal freak out Loki shot him a mischievous grin and a wink. 

“Hey there...” Tony said, striding forward. Behind him Bruce facepalmed. 

“Nurse Lila Smith.” 

Tony waited for the penny to drop, it didn’t. 

“Hey there Lila, are you sure there aren’t any patients here that would be cheered up by a visit from the Avengers? It doesn’t matter how serious their condition is, we’ll even take a paper cut.”

“Would you be cheered up by a visit from the Avengers Mr Stark?” Loki asked, grinning at him. How the Avengers couldn’t see that it was Loki’s grin was beyond him, just because her face was a little softer now. 

“Ahhh,” hell no, they only visited to be boring and make sure he wasn’t sneaking down to the lab. 

“Tony,” Nat scolded, hitting his shoulder. “What about the emergency ward?” she asked, apparently deciding to get on board with the fact that literally every other patient had been healed and discharged. 

“I’m sorry, it looks like no one has been injured today. Would you like to come back tomorrow?” 

Tony internally scoffed, like Loki wouldn’t make sure there were no patients again tomorrow if they did. 

“Or admit your friend? He seems to be in a state of shock.” 

Tony looked over his shoulder at Steve who did seem rather confused by this turn of events. Bruce was trying to reassure him while Clint was mucking about on his phone without being told off for it. 

“Looks like we’re out of luck guys,” Tony said. 

“This is most impressive friend Stark,” Thor said, “I was not aware that Midgard had such outstanding healers.” 

Loki put her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter. Good gods, how did Thor not recognise his own sibling? 

“Perhaps you should try the animal shelter down the road?” Loki suggested. “I hear that they’re quite full.” 

Half an hour later a couple of dogs had stolen Steve’s frisbee shield and Hawkeye had been chased up a tree by a pack of deadly hunters adorable cats. Best of all, Tony finally succeeded in making his Avenger’s YouTube video. 

Loki had just settled down to read when he got the call. “Hello,” Loki said, his clothes shifting from lounge wear to the more practical attire he wore in the hospital. Very few people had his number and he had wards in place to screen out cold callers. 

“Mr Stark’s kid is here,” said Tilly. “He could really use your help.” 

“Where?” Loki asked, appearing before her in a swirl of green of gold and banishing his phone to his pocket dimension. He’d have to find whoever had hurt the Spiderling and turn them inside out later, assuming Stark didn’t beat him to it. 

“OR one,” Tilly replied, hurrying after him as he stalked down the hall. “Mr Stark is-” 

“Loki!” Stark looked absolutely wrecked. He wasn’t wearing anything other than his sweat soaked undersuit, his eyes were red and his hair poked in every direction. “You have to help him, please, I’ll do anything you want.”

“That’s what I’m here for Stark,” Loki said, patting his shoulder. “The Spiderling will be fine.” Stark relaxed a little at his words and Loki stepped past him into the OR. The doctors and nurses were rushing about and a multitude of machines had already been hooked up to the child but he ignored them all. 

The nurses parted before him, one of them silencing the doctor who tried to protest that this was a sterile room. Loki silenced the annoying beeping with a snap of his fingers and allowed his magic to flow over the spider child. 

They’d already cut away most of his suit to get better access to his injuries but from what Loki could see there hadn’t been much to cut away anyway. It had been hacked and slashed, ripped, torn and burned away. It was Stark’s work but under such a relentless onslaught it had failed. 

Broken bones, ruptured organs, torn ligaments, cuts, bruises, stab wounds. The Spiderling hadn’t just been hurt, he had been tortured. Loki snarled soundlessly and let his magic settle deeper and deeper into Peter’s unmoving body. 

There were a half dozen fatal injuries, every one of which required treatment yesterday. Failing that now would have to do. Loki usually preferred to work sequentially but even with the spider child’s accelerated healing he wouldn’t live long enough for Loki to do anything other than heal everything at once. That carried its own risks but they were preferable to the alternative. 

Loki took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again they glowed green and the world had fallen away, leaving nothing but magic in its place. He wove his magic through the Spiderling’s heart and soul and let the boy’s blood carry it through his body, knitting it back together.

Beneath his hands Peter’s heart thudded frantically, threatening to burst until the surge of magic dispersed and it settled back into a regular rhythm. With every beat he grew a little stronger, a little more whole, Loki’s magic flowing through him and healing his injuries. There was a chance that it would never fade, so deeply was it entwined with his soul now, but nothing else would have saved him. 

Finally the maelstrom of magic faded away and the Spiderling opened his eyes. Loki thought that they’d been brown but they carried flecks of green and gold now, the mark of his magic. 

“Sleep child,” he commanded. “You’re safe now.” Peter smiled and slept and Loki stepped back, allowing the nurses to fuss over the Spiderling. Loki smiled and cleaned away the blood with a flash of magic. Stark would have a heart attack if he saw how much of it he’d been wearing and he didn’t have enough magic left to heal him as well. 

“Peter?” Stark asked, latching onto him as soon as he stepped into the waiting room. 

“He’s fine,” Loki smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. “They’ll bring him out soon. You owe me a date.” 

“Wh- what?” Stark spluttered, looking adorably confused but the sudden change of topic. 

“You promised me whatever I wanted if I saved the Spiderling,” Loki reminded him. He’d have preferred it if Stark had actually asked him out but he’d take what he could get and he wasn’t crass enough to ask for sex. “I want a date. And chocolate brownies.” Norns, he was starving, hopefully there was something in the break room for him. 

Behind them the doors opened and Peter was wheeled out on a gurney, dressed in a fresh surgical gown and unencumbered by the usual monitors. Stark’s face split into a wide grin. 

“I’ll get you the best damned brownies in the city Bambi,” he promised and then he surged forward, trapping Loki in a tight hug before hurrying after the spider child. Loki chuckled, smiling fondly as he made his way to the break room. 

A date. He had a date with Loki. He had a date with those gorgeous long legs and clever tongue and devilish smile and… And he definitely wasn’t telling the rest of the team about it. Captain Cockblock would not approve and god only knew what Thor would think about Tony dating his baby brother.

Honestly, Tony wasn’t sure how’d he’d got so lucky. He’d been fantasising about Loki for months. He’d happily have gone on a hundred dates with a hunchbacked old crone if it would have saved Peter, he’d meant it when he promised Loki anything if he saved the kid and Loki had delivered. Now he got to combine two of his favourite things, Loki and coffee. Anywhere that served good brownies was sure to have good coffee right?  

“Alright J, where are we going?” Tony asked, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited for the lights to change. He was picking Loki up from the hospital since it was the closest thing that they had to neutral ground. 

“The Mad Hatter,” JARVIS replied. “The reviews indicate that it serves excellent brownies. The tea and coffee are also well spoken of.” 

“Awesome, if Loki’s next prank is Alice in Wonderland themed I have no idea where he got the inspiration from.” 

“Noted sir.” At least JARVIS wasn’t trying to talk him out of this. He’d thought the whole defenestration thing might be an issue but apparently JARVIS was in favour of anything that was likely to result in him eating.

Loki was waiting right where he’d said he’d be, dressed in black jeans and a green button down shirt that looked unfairly good on him. Tony wasn't accustomed to being jealous of clothes but he was definitely jealous of the way those jeans hugged Loki’s ass.      

“You’re drooling Stark,” Loki drawled, slipping into the passenger seat with a smile that made his eyes sparkle. 

“Am not,” Tony protested, snapping his mouth shut. “Are you ready for the Tony Stark experience Lokes?” 

“That depends,” Loki said, stretching out in his seat. Goddamn it was a good thing they weren’t moving. “Are you ready for me?” 

“You bet I am,” Tony said once he unstuck his tongue from the roof of his mouth. “Welcome to the best date of your life.” 

“Big words Stark.” 

“Tony,” he corrected. “We’re on a date, you have to use my name Bambi.” 

“If you insist Anthony.” 

Tony gulped and focused on not veering off the road. Loki could be really, really distracting when he wasn’t terrorising the city. He wondered how far the god would be willing to go on a first date and then hastily stopped before JARVIS had to assume control of the car. 

“Is this where we’re going?” Loki asked, tapping the map on Tony’s phone. 

“Yep,” Tony replied, “best brownies in New York.”  

“Excellent,” Loki’s lips curled into a smile even as his magic curled around the car and then they were parked in front of a small cafe. 

“Warn a guy next time Merlin,” Tony said, his mind boggling at all the laws of physics Loki had just broken. Might as well chuck probability out the window as well given how unlikely it was to find a car park in New York. 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Loki replied, smirking as he clambered out of the car and stretched slowly like the bloody tease he was. 

“Not being hunted down by the Avengers?” Tony suggested, offering Loki his arm and escorting him inside. JARVIS was covering for them but there was only so much he could do if SHIELD got wind of a teleporting car. “Steve is the world’s biggest cockblock.” 

“You clearly haven’t been spending enough time with Thor,” Loki said. “Besides, I’m a master of illusions, no one saw.” 

“Did you ever consider that the drive might be part of the Tony Stark first date experience?” Tony said once he’d ordered coffee for himself and chocolate brownies for Loki. Loki ordered tea.

“We can do that after I get my brownies, I want the complete Tony Stark first date experience,” he said, undressing Tony with his eyes and leaving no doubt as to how complete he wanted it to be. Tony sat down before Loki could see too much and Loki sat next to him, so close that their arms brushed. 

“And you’ll get it,” Tony promised, and a hundred dates after that though they’d probably have to tell Captain Cockblock and Thor at some stage. The waiter arrived with their order and Tony nabbed the spoon before Loki could, gently feeding him a piece of brownie. Loki smiled and melted against his side, eyes fluttering shut, and Tony wrapped an arm around him. 

They’d almost finished when they heard the squeal of brakes and tearing metal outside followed by desperate screams for mummy to wake up and some sort of robot stomping down the street. New York’s villains really had no sense of timing. 

“Get me another brownie,” Loki ordered, his armour shimmering into place. “This will only take a minute.” 

Loki returned to The Mad Hatter fifty-seven seconds later, his armour melting away. It was just for the brownie he told himself as he settled against Anthony's shoulder once more. It was just for the brownie, and maybe the accompanying kiss and certainly not because of sentiment or goodness or anything like that. He just really loved brownies, that was all.

"Would you like another one?" Anthony asked. Loki grinned and pulled him into a deep kiss. Ok, maybe it wasn't just for the love of brownies but he wasn't going to tell Anthony that. Not yet.