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Much too out of it to try and climb through one of the gym’s windows, Klaus decided to just manically pound on the door instead. “It’s three AM.” Ben informed him scoldingly. Klaus made petty eye contact with his brother and banged louder. “DiDi!” he yelled, unthinkably desperate to gossip with his most snarky sibling. Ben was no fun, he actually had some empathy. “Dieg-“ Klaus was interrupted by the door flinging open and him being harshly yanked inside. “You’re gonna get me fired!” Diego hissed, sticking his head out of the door to check if anyone was on the surrounding street. Klaus rolled his eyes so hard they could’ve had a sound effect. “They let you live in their boiler room, they’re not gonna fire you.” he uttered with certainty, shoving the magazine into his living brother’s hands once he’d locked the door.
Diego glared at him before reluctantly glancing down. “I fucking knew this was gonna happen.” he muttered, tearing the magazine open to get to the relevant article. Klaus flounced off to the boiler room, not having the patience to stand and watch Diego gawp at it.
“Oh sure, make yourself at home.” Diego sarcastically called after his brother, wondering why and how he was still aggravated by Klaus being Klaus. He trailed in behind him, struggling to read the article with his tired eyes. Of course Allison was getting divorced, he predicted this on her goddamn wedding day. “Man, I walked her down the aisle.” he murmured bitterly, absentmindedly dragging Klaus’ head out of his refrigerator as he continued to read. “You did?” his brother squeaked with confusion, as if he hadn’t been right there too. Diego rolled the magazine up to swat Klaus in the nose. “You’re an idiot.” he reprimanded him, though he wasn’t surprised he couldn’t remember it. Diego had nearly dropped dead from the stress of trying to babysit him.
Klaus snatched the magazine from his living brother’s hand, flattening it back out again. “Here.” he pointed to further down in the article as he handed it back over. “This is the best part.” he chuckled, tuning out Ben bitching at him for being a terrible person. Klaus mockingly gestured an irritating puppet yapping at his dead brother, wishing he would shut the hell up for once. People say Klaus talks too much, but it’s just because they have the luck to not be able to hear Ben’s constant nagging. “Shit.” Diego grunted, plonking himself down onto his bed. “Moms nearly always get custody.” he mumbled, engrossedly flipping to the next page. Klaus could barely hear him over Ben. “Shoo!” Klaus yelled, wafting a hand through his ghostly head. Diego glanced up from the article to frown at Klaus, looking from him and to Ben’s vicinity.
The less Diego saw of Klaus, the more he forgot how goddamn weird he was. “It’s his fault.” Klaus pointed to absolute and utter nothingness. Diego decided he’d just blame that on his brother being on another planet, rather than addressing the ”Ben” shaped elephant in the room. “What do you think she did?” Diego drawled before releasing a yawn. Of course Klaus had to come here about this in the middle of the fucking night. His brother had the audacity to catch the yawn, though he made it much more dramatic. “Beats me!” Klaus exclaimed chirpily, heading back over to the refrigerator as if he hadn’t just done that. Diego threw the magazine at his face. “You been awake the whole five months since you bugged me last?” he grumbled judgementally. Klaus gasped and threw a hand to his chest, making Diego petrified he was having a goddamn heart attack given the state he was in. “You kept count?!” he teased instead, pretending to sound choked up. Diego sighed with a mixture of relief and exasperation. “Just a guess.” he grunted, bashful at his slip of the tongue. It wasn’t like his worries were irrational.
Ben didn’t know why Diego thought he was remotely convincing. “You’re a piece of shit for being excited by this. She’s your sister.” Ben muttered with contempt, speaking directly over Diego again. Ben would be lying if he said he wasn’t intrigued by what had happened with Allison, but it wasn’t like he was thrilled by it. Klaus was being unbelievably annoying recently, making his normal behaviour look saintly. Ben had mostly just been leaving him to it, but he tagged along because he wanted to know what Diego thought... that wasn’t something Ben was going to share with Klaus though; he wouldn’t be able to rebuke him if he did. His seance brother groaned with frustration, clearly not having heard either of them. “One at a time.” he patronisingly demanded, holding a finger out to silence Ben. “Fuck you.” Ben spoke over Diego, annoyed he was the one getting shut up.
Diego exhaustedly rubbed at his eyes, wondering if Klaus was on another galaxy rather than planet. “What did you say?” his brother inquired, though Diego didn’t know if he was talking to him. Klaus clicked at him impatiently when he didn’t receive a response. “Me?” he mumbled, wondering if this was all a fever dream. “Of course you!” Klaus yelled, like Diego didn’t have the right to be confused. “I said do you think it was a rumor?” he repeated, scowling at Klaus when he had the nerve to not follow what he was saying. “The divorce, the custody, do you think it’s because of a rumor.” Diego clarified through gritted teeth, wanting to kick Klaus in the face. “Oh!” his brother raised his eyebrows with understanding “Probably, she always messes them up.” he shrugged, turning to look at the thing Diego assumed was supposedly their brother.
Klaus felt like he was juggling shards of glass trying to keep up with this farce. “I said you’re a piece of shit for finding this exciting.” Ben droned haughtily, glaring at Diego too for partaking in the gossip. “Duh.” Klaus scoffed, irritated Ben had felt that needed to be said aloud. His dead brother stormed across the room to sulk in the corner. “I wanna call her to get the tea, but I’m not allowed her number.” Klaus addressed Diego, smiling angelically. “No.” he sternly responded, looking like he was fighting to stay awake. Klaus would offer him some chemical assistance but he sensed that wouldn’t go over well. “Come on, she won’t know it was you who gave me it!” Klaus begged, hoping Diego’s fatigue would make him easy to convince. “There’s a reason you don’t have her number.” his living brother kicked Klaus in the legs so he’d stop rapidly pacing in circles. Or maybe it was just for the sake of kicking him. “I’ve changed!” Klaus lied, almost falling flat on his face.
Sighing, Diego considered whether he gave a shit if Klaus ended up bugging Allison for money again. She was a multimillionaire anyway. Plus she kind of deserved it, she was up her own ass. Diego had been dealing with Klaus almost single handedly for over ten years now, Allison could take some of the pressure. She’d probably just rumor him into forgetting the number anyway, it was how she dealt with everything. “Fine.” Diego grunted, deciding he’d use her number as collateral. “If you agree to leave.” he negotiated, knowing Klaus would rush out in exchange for it. “Deal!” his brother predictably yelped, grinning ecstatically.