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“Diego!” Diego scrunched his eyes shut with utter despair, devastated that Klaus had finally run into him. Diego had moved out of the academy several months ago, and had been thrilled with the peace and quiet. Klaus was anything but peace, and definitely not quiet. At least he wasn’t Luther. “You drive now?” Diego speedily shoved the hand holding his keys behind his back, knowing with absolute certainty that Klaus would use him as an unpaid chauffeur if he knew the answer was yes. “Nope.” he curtly replied, trying to saunter off before Klaus could irritate him to death. “You literally have car keys in your hand.” Klaus chuckled, looking at him like he was the idiot out of the two of them. “They’re not mine.” he hastily lied, intensely quickening his pace in an attempt to lose him. Hopefully Klaus wasn’t on uppers.
Snatching the keys out of his brothers hand, Klaus smirked at the rage on his face. He looked down at the logo on the key, trying to decipher what kind of car that was. He knew nothing about cars, they were boring. Klaus flashed them to Ben instead, needing his masculinity. “I’m not helping you be an asshole.” Ben refused like the petty ghost he was, shuffling away from the keys. “I’m literally the entire reason you’re still here.” Klaus hissed, shoving them back under Ben’s ghostly nose. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Diego asked with a concerned scowl, moving to rip the key from his hand. Klaus quickly dodged out of the way, trying to match the logo on the key to one of the nearby cars. He needed to rush into it before Diego could stop him.
It was kind of entertaining that Klaus couldn’t work out Diego was stood right in front of his car. “Give them back before I stab you.” Diego threatened apathetically, beckoning for the keys to be returned. “Stab me then, I don’t give a fuck.” Klaus wheezed, still attempting to figure out which car was his. Diego groaned as his brother suddenly realised and leaped to unlock the doors. There was no point even trying to fight him away, Klaus would be too stubborn to give up. He’d probably just harshly kick the car out of spite. “Why’re you getting in the back?...” Diego was struggling to understand the logic behind that, which he knew was stupid since Klaus didn’t even know what logic was. “For him.” his brother pointed to the empty seat, like Diego was dumb for not realising. “Jesus Christ.” Diego wearily muttered, regretfully closing the door behind Klaus and getting into the front. He’d blissfully forgotten how goddamn weird his brother was.
Just one ride, and that would be it. He could get Klaus out of his hair indefinitely. “Where do you live?” Diego flatly asked, wanting to get Klaus out of the car as soon as he could. “Uh...” his brother acted as if that had been a hard question to answer. “Bro, it could not be an easier question. It isn’t multiple choice.” he snarled, rapidly losing the patience he already had in extremely short supply. “Just drive, I’ll tell you where to go.” Klaus drawled dubiously, the sound of him flicking a lighter making Diego’s blood boil. “Don’t smoke in my car, you shit head!” he snapped, tearing the lighter from his brother with fury. “It already smells like smoke in here!” Klaus retaliated cluelessly. “No it doesn’t, that’s you!” Diego already wanted to punch his brother in the face and it had only been a few minutes in his company.
—
Taking another turn directed by his insufferable brother, Diego was tempted to crash the car just out of revenge. “Klaus...” he patronisingly caught his brother’s attention. “Do you live in McDonald’s?” he dryly inquired, on the very verge of yelling. How the hell did he think Diego wouldn’t realise he was driving him there? There were literal signs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’ve never even been to McDonald’s.” Jesus Christ. “We’re nearly 18. Act like it.” he snidely responded, not even realising he was being pretty hypocritical. Diego decided to just continue to McDonald’s anyway, he was kind of thirsty. He wasn’t going to eat any of that junk food though. He turned the radio up to drown out Klaus talking to himself, finding it frankly rather disturbing. It was less unnerving when they were actually dead people he could talk to.
“Can you just tell him I say hi?” Ben pleaded, feeling incredibly left out - even though Diego was clearly enraged to have to spend time with Klaus. He didn’t even know how lucky he was, he should imagine only ever being able to spend time with Klaus. If Ben wasn’t already dead, that alone would probably drive him to death. “Do you want me to end up dead too? You know he gets mad about it!” Klaus hissed, obviously still nervous due to the various other times he’d tried to convince their siblings. He’d already justifiably lost their trust by then. Ben’s ghost had turned into a ”the dog ate my homework” type of excuse for Klaus for a little while after he’d died. The distrust was also set in stone by Klaus’ fleeting periods of sobriety rapidly plummeting.
“And whose fault is that?” Ben bitterly murmured, knowing he could still talk to his family if Klaus wasn’t a compulsive liar and addict. “Dad’s!” Klaus passed the buck to their father, like usual. “Just tell me what he did to youuu!” Ben nosily whispered, forgetting that Diego couldn’t hear him anyway. It was still hard to get used to that. Ben smiled at Klaus endearingly, trying to persuade him to spill. It was driving Ben insane to not know what dad did to make Klaus so thoroughly messed up. He hadn’t even realised how bad things were until he was a ghost. Ben wanted the insider info, since he was practically part of Klaus now. He knew his undying curiosity was just prying, but he did also want to genuinley help his brother. “I’m this close to banishing you.” Klaus gestured a minuscule gap between his finger and thumb, despite them both knowing he was incapable of banishing ghosts. Ben was pretty smug that Klaus couldn’t get rid of him with drugs either.
Deciding to park up instead of going through the drive thru, Diego had a scheme in mind. He kept the engine running, knowing it would take forever to start back up and would stall his getaway. “Will you get the order? I’m pretty tired from work...” he manipulatively requested of Klaus. “Sure, just give me the cash.” his brother responded in an equally manipulative manner. Diego didn’t really give a shit if Klaus was going to steal the money to buy drugs, as long as it got him out of the car - he was only going to give his brother five dollars anyway. He reached for his embarrassingly almost empty wallet, eager to drive the hell away and abandon Klaus here.
Diego chose to give Klaus five dollars in spare change, rather than a bill. Just to be a dick. “Am I a fucking Victorian street urchin?!” Klaus yelled with disgust when Diego began to place cents at a time into his hand. “Well yeah, basically.” Diego scoffed, gathering that his brother was actually homeless, given him not having a place to be dropped off at. “Just give me a bill!” Klaus tried to snatch Diego’s wallet from him, but Diego smacked him in the nose. His brother reacted to the smack with more dramatics than necessary. “Why does it matter? It’s just McDonalds.” Diego snickered, imagining Klaus trying to pay for drugs with cents, nickels, and dimes. “Can I have more than that? I’m reeeaaally hungry.” Klaus moaned, pouting as if that would convince Diego. He was hungry for drugs, more like. “No. Get me a black coffee.” he smugly ordered as he finally finished counting out the five dollars. Diego’s thirst could wait until he got home.
Staring down at the coins in his hand with petulant disappointment, Klaus decided to get petty revenge. His brother clearly just wanted him to leave the car so he could ditch him. “Actually, I’m tired too. Why don’t we go to the drive thru?” Klaus airily suggested, smirking at Diego with the most innocence he could muster. “I’m not going to the drive thru.” Diego grunted with vexation, looking five seconds from battering his own head against the steering wheel. It seemed his anger issues hadn’t dissipated since they last saw one another. “I guess we just won’t get McDonald’s then.” Klaus shrugged nonchalantly, comfortably slumping back into the very well-worn seat. This car was probably older than dad.
“Just leave him alone and get out.” Ben nagged, appearing annoyed on Diego’s behalf. “Make me!” Klaus pettily exclaimed, just because he knew Ben couldn’t. Diego stopped furiously glowering at the steering wheel to turn and give him the dirty look instead. “How have you gotten weirder?! How is that fucking possible?!” he spat, looking like his brain was going to just set on fire. Klaus giggled, finding his anger quite entertaining. “Give me the bill and I’ll get out.” Klaus bartered, shoving his change filled hand in Diego’s direction.
Letting out a string of hefty curse words under his breath, Diego dejectedly swapped the change for the five dollar bill. He was pissed that Klaus wasn’t going to be inconvenienced anymore, he’d gotten a sense of sadistic joy out of that. “Please leave me alone for the rest of our lives.” Diego pleaded, gesturing for Klaus to get out of the car immediately. Truthfully, Diego definitely wanted to see Klaus again, just to know he was alive and well - but his brother had no business knowing that. That didn’t mean that Diego wanted to see Klaus any more than strictly necessary, though. “Of course I’m gonna leave you alone, you’ll never see me again!” Klaus unconvincingly agreed, thankfully actually exiting the vehicle.
At least Klaus didn’t know where Diego lived, that would be an actual nightmare come true. His little brother leant against the driver’s door and tapped on the roof in contemplation, clearly thinking up some kind of conniving plan. Diego ground his teeth, desperate for this to be over with. “Can I have your number? Just for emergencies, obviously.” Klaus drawled in a way that was somehow even more unconvincing than his last statement. “No.” Diego bluntly replied, refusing to even look in Klaus’ direction. He could just imagine the pleading look he’d be receiving. It was admittedly worrying that Diego wouldn’t be able to assist him in an emergency... but Klaus was just so goddamn irritating and untrustworthy. He’d definitely call Diego for trivial nonsense. Especially now he knew that Diego had a car.
“What if I was in trouble?...” Klaus deviously whined, just wanting Diego’s number so he could bug him for things. Klaus knew Diego’s protectiveness was his weak spot, he’d definitely give in. His living brother sighed, his steely wall predictably breaking down. “Just for emergencies.” Diego sternly demanded, searching through his glove compartment for a pen. Klaus hid his triumphant grin by shoving his face into the elbow he was resting atop the car. “Just for emergencies.” Klaus deceptively assured him, presenting an eyeliner for the number to be written with when Diego came up empty handed. The number definitely wasn’t going to be just for emergencies.
His living brother peered at the eyeliner with confusion, likely thinking it was a strange looking pencil. He reluctantly wrote the number down with a frown. “Not just for rides, or any other unimportant bullshit.” Diego strictly insisted, withholding passing over the number until Klaus agreed. “Not just for rides, or any other unimportant bullshit.” Klaus repeated, not meaning a single word of it. Diego passed the old receipt to Klaus with a sceptical scowl. This was great, Diego could be his cab driver, hotel, and bank! “Just try not to die.” Diego exhaustedly begged as he put his foot on the gas to quickly escape. “I’ll try, but it’s too late for him!” Klaus yelled to Diego as he sped away, pointing over to an extremely deceased Ben. “I wish I was with Diego instead...” Ben sighed, looking to the car longingly. “This close!” Klaus threatened banishment again, making an even tinier gap between his finger and thumb.