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i.
The stars always twinkle a little brighter when it’s a show night.
Luz has always been fascinated with everything that shines.
She thinks it’s an inheritance due to the meaning of her own name, at least, it’s what her mother used to tell her.
With that being said, it’s only natural that she falls for Amity.
Stars are meant to be in the sky, gracing the world below them with their luminosity, and that’s exactly what Amity does as she spins, jumps and leaps from one bar to another, ever so elegantly, as if gravity itself conducted her moves.
Beneath the spotlight, the pink sequins in her dress reflect the light directly towards Luz’s eyes.
It’s blinding, yet she doesn’t look away.
If she squints, for a close second, maybe she could see a hint of a smile dancing in Amity’s lips and it makes Luz want to kiss her. She tries not to let it get to her head, but she knows the trapeze artist is already circling around her as a moon orbits around a planet.
Fanning herself with her cards as she heads backstage, Luz sighs and rubs her eyes, trying to get the image off them. As they close, lashes descending like curtains, she sees flashes of pink and mint, and she resigns herself with the knowledge of yet another endless night as she yearns for places out of her reach.
The crowd applauds and her heart echoes the sound.
Flowers are scattered around the stage as Amity bows and once again Luz tries not to stare, proving yet again she’s unable to.
There’s a single strand of chestnut hair sticking out of Amity’s near impeccable updo and it tells more about her than words could ever do. That loose, almost out of place strand, showed everything that Luz loved about her.
Moments like these, that showed vulnerability, were her favorites. She could see her chest going up and down as she recollected herself from the effort her movements took, and it made the other remember of the many times that Luz has seen the hard work built itself until it became perfection.
Her own breathing comes to a brief halt when they come face to face. The lights of the circus reflected golden in Amity’s irises.
It’s beautiful, but she doesn’t dare to say that aloud.
She reaches for her face to pull the loose strand of hair behind her ear and the other girl flinches, just so slightly, closing her eyes abruptly.
Luz thinks the conflicting pink of her eyeshadow, her cheeks and the tip of her ears is very lovely up close.
Before her fingers do so as much as caress pristine skin, she pulls away, hurt splattered across hazel eyes.
When Amity opens them again, Luz is nowhere to be seen.
ii.
Pink.
Ever since she mentioned she likes the color, it’s all Amity can see around her.
It suits her, they think, it’s a nice contrast to her porcelain face. She thinks of it as flattery, the kind that doesn’t go anywhere but a shallow wordplay, and thanks the compliment just as politely.
Yet, it’s unknown to anyone but herself that her eyes see more than just a color. A rainbow bleeds before her eyes and the world that once had been bleak becomes an array of pigments. The blush painting her cheeks spreads rose, then scarlet across her face.
She reminisces the one compliment that didn’t fly past her ears and clutches calloused hands against her chest, hoping to provide solace to her trembling heart.
Purple lights, like a galaxy too far away, seep through the tent and make the sand grains that inevitably make it to the dressing room look like fallen stars.
Amity hears her voice and her motions stop abruptly.
There’s a frail noise of something falling to the floor and she registers that indeed something fell, but it’s not the pink powder that crashes and scatters sparkles that descend softly despite the collision.
It’s something else entirely.
The glitter and sand clash together beneath her feet and for a split second, a near magenta mess, and Amity wishes it was her.
She never actually tells Luz she’d look beautiful in all shades of purple: lavender, plum, violet, mauve, amethyst. The very thought of it makes her bite her lips and she shakes her head.
Many flowers are brought to her after her performances. Roses, tulips, carnations, astromelias flourish inside the yellow-ish dim, yet hot lights of the dressing room. But as of recently, there’s one bouquet that Amity ends up being drawn to.
Hydrangeas are her favorite flowers, she thinks.
Ever since a mysterious bouquet appeared at her door, Amity wondered if they knew about her favorite place to hang out as they stayed by this town. The tent was positioned near a flower bed of hydrangeas, their aroma fresh in her mind as the last droplets of morning dew cascaded out of blushing petals.
The flowers upon her did too, look rough in the vase her admirer picked to place them, recently picked out of a rush from the afternoon summer rain. Nonetheless, it brought a smile to her face.
She, too, would like them to bloom into pink, purple and blue; like a heartbeat that blossoms from spring to autumn, lasting even after winter comes.
Distantly, Amity can hear the crowd burst into lighthearted laughter and she can’t help but let a giggle of her own escape as well.
That was the effect Luz had in other people, bringing utmost joy with her sense of humor and wit.
Before she knows it, the lights of the stage turn to a bright green and the magic is over.
She hears soft steps near her door, but she doesn’t dare to open up until the sound is gone.
Her heart leaps as she would in an acrobacy when she notices the letter slid from under the doorframe.
It’s a drawing of a hydrangea and her lungs saunter.
Luz’s voice sounds a degree more excited when the lights turn purple again and with trembling lips, Amity sighs knowingly.
iii.
Bankruptcy isn’t per se what drives the troupe across lands far away from their home but it’s what they must do to insure their survival.
The arts of the circus aren’t appreciated by most, but the promise of bringing a smile to the audience (and perhaps pickpocket a golden watch or a silver pendant when no one is looking) is what the Clawthorne sisters pledge with every ticket they sell, an experience most have yet to live.
Somewhere along the way they find Luz.
Luz fits with the rest of the troupe easily, like she’s meant to be amongst them. She’s an excellent master of ceremonies, natural with storytelling. Her fables could certainly rival lengthy romances of an experienced author - always full of mysteries, excitement and whatever else she pours into her words.
Eda finds it rather charming, soon understanding her calling to be with the audience. Lilith, on the other hand, gets a little too anxious when Luz comes up to the stage, but somehow she makes it through, which is admirable, actually.
The other members of the crew also find themselves allured by her antics. Their days become livelier and all of them have something positive to say about the new member. Her liveliness inspires them to be the best version of themselves in and out of stage.
And even if they don’t know the upcoming tension they will build up over years of insecurity and unspoken feelings, immediately upon locking gazes for the first time, Amity and Luz know there’s something magnetic about the other.
For the first months since joining the troupe, Luz had been too busy with adapting to a new lifestyle, her debut on the show and generally being friendly to everyone that passed her to notice that there was someone who looked at her differently.
Now that she knows every emotion her eyes convey, Luz finds it rather oblivious of her not to realize how Amity looked like when she’s in love.
The exact picture of the way she bites her lip just slightly, her cheeks gain a flare no makeup could ever replicate and her eyes look like shooting stars pass by them with every blink.
It’s flattering, really, but air is absent in space and the thought of even breathing near her fogs her mind.
Their stars are crossed, not meant to be together.
iv.
Suddenly, it becomes too much.
It’s hard to pinpoint in time when the pressure erupts, but the longing stares, the trembling hands, the hidden signs - it all builds up until breaking point.
The moon is at its brightest, and it feels like they’re waltzing coordinated by a silent song, Luz holding tight on Amity’s waist as she leads their steps towards the nearest wall.
They’re both inexperienced kissers, their lips crashing against each other urgently, but as long as the other doesn’t look nearly bothered, none of them intend to halt. More than being good at it, they want each other, like flames begging for oxygen to keep on burning.
If there’s something that Luz learned about the stars is that their temperatures are far higher than anything that could be felt, and she agrees with that statement, as she feels the tip of her fingers sweltering while she cups Amity’s cheeks.
Amity herself feels like she’s combusting and she must be, her heartbeat echoing louder than the raindrops hitting against the space they’re in. She’s feeling a little dizzy, but she can’t tell if it’s because of the inebriating perfume of the flower field they’re near or if it’s Luz’s scent that reminds her of honey and fruits.
She knows her whole body is trembling as she pulls Luz closer, but she can’t help but think that’s what true happiness feels like.
The rain slows and so do they, pulling away as they gasp for air.
Luz suddenly bursts into laughter and she pulls Amity closer. It feels like home and she doesn’t ever want to leave her side, almost as if time stopped just for the two of them. It feels special and she relishes in the moment.
Amity feels herself smiling upon hearing the degree of joy in Luz’s voice and decides it’s her new favorite sound, ringing in her mind even after they part ways that night. All she wants too is for time to declare they’re now the centre of the universe, but she knows more than anyone else that this moment is unique because it can’t last forever.
Could a feeling so pure be forbidden?
The question remains unanswered in the back of her mind as Luz’s hand intertwines with hers.
It’s hard to maintain the rational part of her working when having her love being returned makes her feel so safe, like a candle in the dark.
v.
A secret only remains as one when it isn’t told.
But there’s just too many coincidences, too many proofs, too many little somethings that two people in love leave behind once they become lovers.
In hindsight, they didn’t do too much effort to hide it.
They never meant to be found out, a silent agreement between the two of them. Somehow the situation felt exciting, dreamlike, sharing a connection that no one could see but them.
And for a while, it did work. For months they managed to meet while others were asleep or exchange hushed endearments during intervals of the shows. There was a sweetness to it, to know that a single, rapid touch of fingers as they passed from one place to another meant more than any “I love you”s could possibly convey.
Yet secrets are profitable when played right and there’s only so much one can gain from one’s losing.
Who found out and sold the information to people interested in it doesn’t come to question, because it isn’t the focus. For all they know, it could have been anyone - avarice made many sell their last crumb of dignity for riches.
But ultimately, what mattered was that a mother found her child that ran away from a home that didn’t understand her and a family found a heiress that should do more with her status than to be a street performer.
It really was a shame that both of these girls happened to be in love with each other.
For a while, it really seemed like their names weren’t in the cards and fate had nothing in store for them.
Separated against their will, they ended up returning to their respectives hometowns. Every day felt insufferable, hours were equivalent to a whole month. Luz would watch violent waves crashing against the shore from the window and think of how her happiness wasn’t there. Amity would feel the wind of grasslands against her face and think of how she felt a prisoner of her own blood.
Yet, destiny had more in store than a bitter ending. Maybe the stars could be rewritten after all.
It took time, but the same reason that brought the two of them together in the first place helped them reunite.
The circus was their family.
When Luz and Amity locked gazes for the first time again after so long, the same magnetism that had attracted them before sparked and before they knew, they were already in each other’s arms, like polar opposites connecting.
They embraced tightly, Luz kissing all over Amity's face as she cried, tears cascading from her eyes like a waterfall. But unlike the ones she shed while they were apart, those were happy ones.
Fortune and luck are synonyms.
They had both.
vi.
It’s a show night and the stars never looked so beautiful.
There’s a distinct scent of night-blooming jasmine in the air and it makes it all look more memorable than ever.
Eda thought their downfall would have arrived, but instead, this one town they stopped by swarmed with people looking to buy a ticket. It felt like a new beginning, a chance to prove their troupe was incredible the way they were, and as she saw Lilith glancing hopefully to the top of the tent where the aerial numbers took place, she felt like they would be alright.
That included the two girls who stood by the platform, so ridiculously in love.
Luz feels a little unsure to perform an acrobatic number with Amity, but she’d trust her whole life to her and the view from above is magical.
For Amity, what sends her heart to the moon is having Luz so close to herself. It reminds her of their first kiss, because just like that day, she can feel her arms shaking. It’s not the sensation of safety that she’d like to transpose to the other girl, but seeing the way she trusts Amity wholeheartedly makes her forget her own fears.
Today, the tips of their noses touching means “we can do this together”.
The stage is their home and as their fingers get tangled in a tight clasp, they smile at each other.
The curtains open and the show goes on.
(They’re twirling in the wind and Luz has a feeling the audience has never seen a love as bewitching as theirs.
It’s a spectacle of its own and Amity knows it’s worth it.)