Archive of Our Own

When Liam woke up, he wasn’t surprised to find that he was alone. He had told Theo to leave, he had told Theo that this was a one night thing, and a one night thing only, and that was it had to be. He had a wife, he had a life , and Theo? Theo was a wildcard, a giant question mark that had always let him down. Why would things be any different now?

Because you’re older, that’s why , a voice in the back of his head told him as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.

He could still smell Theo all over him, all over his bed, all over his room, and he wished very much that instead of coming back here, they had gone somewhere else - to a hotel, even the back of Theo’s truck. Anywhere but this room, because now that he had had Theo in here, he wasn’t sure that the scent of him would ever leave.

He wasn’t sure that he could bring himself to try to fully eradicate it, because last night, after years of trying to block him out, Liam had let Theo in, and he wasn’t sure that there was any going back on that for him. He looked around, knowing that it was still early without even looking at the clock. He felt tired, and spent, and full of both longing, and regret, for the night that he had spent with the other man.

Worst of all, perhaps, was that, when he looked forwards, he could see the photo of him and Becca, and he was certain that he had turned it over last night. It had been taken on their wedding day, and he didn’t want Theo to have to see that.

No, he hadn’t wanted to have to see it himself when he knew what he was doing. But it was upright now, which meant that Theo had righted it, that he had seen it, and Liam wondered what would be different if he weren’t married, if Becca weren’t in his life. Would it have mattered? Would it still have been one night, and then Theo would be gone? Theo was fantastic at leaving. What would bring him back now? What would give Liam the security that Theo would stay this time when he hadn’t before?

Because he said that he loves you, he reminded himself.

No, that he had loved you...or god, did he even say that?

Liam reached up, scrubbing a hand over his face, because he couldn’t keep track of exactly what had been said last night. He wasn’t sure that he would ever be able to call to mind the details of last night, just as he was certain that there were parts that he would never be able to forget, no matter how hard he tried.

He was uncomfortable, sticky, but he couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed, to wash Theo off of him, because he was still too full of feelings for the other man, feelings that needed more than an hour and some hot water to wash away.

Instead, he lay back down and drew the pillow that Theo’s head had rested on closer to him. He buried his face in it, taking in the scent truly and fully, letting himself really drink in the fact that he had had, and then lost, something that he had wanted for so long.

He hated himself. He hated how much he still wanted Theo, despite the fact that he also hated himself for doing this to Becca. Becca was innocent, she had done nothing wrong, she had gone to her sister’s so that they could think things through separately, and this was what Liam had done? He had spent the night with someone that had simultaneously been there when Liam needed him most, and absent when it really counted.

That’s what Theo Raeken was good for. Blowing in, changing Liam’s life, and then leaving him alone to pick up the pieces.

But this time, he couldn’t place all of the onus for that on Theo. Liam had told him to leave, he had told him that this was for one night, and one night only, and Theo had held up his end of the bargain there.

Would he have stayed if you had asked him?

Liam shook his head, still pressed against Theo’s pillow, telling himself that it wouldn’t have mattered. If he had asked Theo to stay, if he had told him that he wanted to see what they could be, that he would end things with Becca, would he stay?

He wouldn’t have. Liam told himself that, because it was what he needed to believe. If it wasn’t true, then this was his fault. If it wasn’t true, then the pain that was wracking him all over was all because he was too afraid to reach out and take what he wanted, what he needed , and he couldn’t accept that. He had always been so good at hiding his true emotions behind lies and anger, and why should that change now?

He had gotten this far, and he could get further.

He took one last deep breath of Theo’s pillow, then sat up, throwing it against the wall, tears welling in his blue eyes. Why did this feel so awful? Why had he had to let Theo in? He hadn’t exactly been happy before he had run into Theo at The Boxcar , but he hadn’t been miserable, either. He had been figuring things out - that was normal for someone his age. Not everyone was Mason and Corey, not everyone was perfectly settled down with their soulmate at the age of 26, and he was sure that he was more the norm than they were in this instance.

But now? Now he felt gutted from the inside out, and he wanted to tell himself that he didn’t know what to do, but deep down? Deep down, he did.

If he was even thinking about asking Theo to stay and tossing Becca aside, then his marriage was more messed up than he had thought, and he owed it to Becca to tell her that. She was too good for this, she was too good for him , and she probably always had been. Circumstance had thrown them together, and it had worked for a time, but it wasn’t working anymore, it hadn’t been for awhile now, and they had taken this time apart to think that through.

Well, Liam had thought, and then he had acted, and his actions told him everything.

Despite knowing that it was the right choice, he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach as he reached for his phone. The coward in him wanted to text her, but the adult in him, the Liam that loved Becca, even if he wasn’t in love with her, knew that he owed her more than that. With a deep breath, he opened up her contact information and pressed ‘call’.

“Liam?” Becca sounded tired as she answered the phone, and Liam was instantly certain that she had still been sleeping.

“I’m sorry for calling so early,” he said softly. “I...I need to talk to you, Beeca. We need to talk.”

“Yeah.” She let out a deep breath. “Yeah, we do, don’t we.”

There was a sadness in her voice, but a resignation to it that made Liam think she knew exactly what he was going to stay.

“Can...can you come home, please?” He asked, feeling terrible asking anything of her right now when he knew what he was about to do. “So we can talk in person?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there soon as soon as I can. Three hours, maybe.”

“Okay.” Liam knew that he couldn’t expect her there any faster - her sister didn’t live in Beacon Hills, and it was probably best that he had time to...clean up, time to process, and think through what exactly he was going to say. “I’ll see you soon.”

He hung up, wondering when it had gotten so bad - when had he stopped saying “I love you” when he hung up the phone...and how long after he had stopped meaning it had he continued to say it?

He threw his phone to the mattress with a groan, and flopped back down. He knew that he had things to do, that he needed to get up, to shower, to wash the sheets, to pick his clothes up from wherever the hell they had landed around the house, straighten the art. He needed to wipe Theo from this room, but he wasn’t ready to do that.

Not just yet.

It was almost impossible to believe that Theo had been here just a little while ago, just a couple of hours before, and Liam didn’t know what to make of that. The other man’s scent was overpowering, overwhelming, and though he knew that Becca wouldn’t be able to smell it, he still felt guilty that it was everywhere.

He finally tore himself from the bed, and removed the sheets, the pillowcases. He moved to throw them in the laundry hamper, and did, but turned back almost instantly, pulling out the one pillow case - Theo’s pillow. He balled it up and shoved it in the back of his sock drawer, knowing that Becca would never look there and even if she did, it wasn’t exactly a smoking gun. It was a pillowcase baring the scent of someone she wouldn’t even be able to pick up.

Slowly he gathered up his clothes from around the bedroom, putting them in the hamper as well. He could smell Theo on them, too, and he could remember the feeling of Theo’s hands on him, practically ripping the clothes from his body, full of want, full of a need that Liam had never seen in the other man.

Hell, one that he had never seen in himself, either.

Until last night.

He went downstairs, straightening the painting they had bumped into, and retrieving his shirt and blazer, both of which would have to be sent out for dry cleaning before he would be able to wear them again. If he was ever able to wear them again. As he held them, carrying them back to his room, he got the distinct feeling that he might not be able to.

Finally, he brought himself to shower. He let the warm water run over his skin, washing Theo off of him as best he could. But washing away the pieces of Theo didn’t wash away the feelings or the memories, and Liam would never admit it, but he felt hot tears roll down his cheek, mixing with the water that beat down on him.

Had he really been in love with Theo for ten long years? Had he really been pushing that back for a decade because he knew that it couldn’t happen? Yes, he supposed he had, because that would so perfectly explain the crushing emptiness he had felt when Theo had left, just as it would explain the crushing emptiness that he felt now.

Liam willed himself to stop crying when he got out of the shower, because without the water running over him, he couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t been, and dressed in sweats and a t-shirt before going downstairs to make coffee. He tried to eat, but his stomach wasn’t allowing it, so he sat on the couch, sipping coffee, and just waiting for Becca to arrive.

By the time she opened the door, his coffee was cold and still half-full, and he stood, looking at her as she walked in. She looked as tired as he felt - wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt, not a stitch of makeup, and her hair pulled back into a messy bun.

“Hi,” Liam said, gesturing to the couch. “Come sit?”

“Yeah.” She nodded, walking over, leaving her bags in the hallway as she sat down, folding her legs beneath her. “This is it, isn’t it.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement, and it confirmed what Liam had suspected - that she knew, and that she didn’t want to beat around the bush anymore than they already had.

“I...I think so.” Liam nodded, feeling that lump rise in his throat again.

He didn’t want to hurt Becca. She didn’t deserve this, and he was aching for that, but also for the fact that he was doing this all hours too late. Theo was gone. It wouldn’t matter if he left Becca now, at least not in terms of that. He should have reached for the other man, and told him to wait, begged him to. He should have told Theo that he was choosing him, that he was saying “yes” to whatever had happened between them last night, but he hadn’t, and now he knew that he was setting himself up for loneliness.

“I think it’s for the best,” Becca said softly. “I love you, Liam, and I always will, but we haven’t been us in a long time.” She gulped, and Liam felt the urge to reach out for her, to pull her close and comfort her, but he wasn’t sure if he had the right to do that anymore.

“I know, I’m sorry, I should have tried harder,” Liam whispered.

“It wouldn’t have mattered, Li,” she said, gently reaching out and taking his hand. “We were good when we were younger, but we shouldn’t have ever gotten married. You shouldn’t have asked, and I shouldn’t have said yes, but we were young, and we were scared. We thought there was going to be a baby, and when it wasn’t, god.” She reached up with her free hand, wiping her eyes. “It felt like a game of chicken. Neither of us wanted to be the one to admit that we had only gotten engaged because we thought that I was pregnant, and we followed that game all the way to the altar. We were always too stubborn, the both of us. I think that was our issue, we’ve always been too much alike.”

Liam wondered if she knew just how not alike they truly were. She knew that he was a werewolf, he had had to tell her that, and she had taken it in much better stride than he had ever expected, but that didn’t change the fact that, now, they were two different people, with hearts breaking for two different reasons.

“You were always too good for me,” Liam said softly.

“I know.” Becca nodded.

“No,” Liam shook his head, laughing humorlessly. “God, no, you really don’t. I…”

“Liam,” Becca said softly. “You don’t have to do this right now, okay? We’re ending it. If there’s something you did, if there’s someone else? I don’t want to know about it. I don’t need to know about it. It’s just salt in a wound that won’t heal at this point.”

Liam didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t want to tell her about Theo, but he did want to assure her that there hadn’t been anyone else, that he hadn’t been with anyone else while they were together. He wanted her to know that it hadn’t been until last night that he had even entertained the idea of someone else, but in order to explain that, he would have to either lie to her full out, or admit to her that there had been someone else last night, and she deserved to be respected in asking not to know that.

He nodded, and he was sure that his inability to meet her eyes told her everything anyways, but still. If she didn’t want to hear it out loud, she shouldn’t have to.

“Look, this can be amicable,” Liam said. “You can have everything. The house, keep the ring, everything.”

“This is your home, too, Liam,” Becca said. “I don’t want to take you for all you’re worth here. We got married, we shouldn’t have, that’s that. We should leave with what we came with, and split the things we shared. We can sell the house and split that, too. I need this to be even, I need this to be right. I need us to be good about this, so that we can look at each other in the future with nothing even close to resembling hatred.”

“I don’t hate you!” Liam spoke quickly. “I never could. I never will.”

She sighed.

“Then I don’t want resentment,” she said. “I’ve known that this was over. I knew it when I left to go stay at Kathy’s, and I should have said so then, but I guess a part of me needed you to be the one to do it, to finally say it.”

“Okay.” Liam didn’t know what that meant, or really how he felt about it, but he had done it, so did it really matter? He took a deep breath, and then let it out again, looking up at Becca.

“I’ll file tomorrow,” she said softly.

“And what...what do you think you’ll do?” Liam asked.

“Probably go back to Kathy’s,” she admitted. “For a bit, then get my own place. It’s a divorce, it’s not the end of my life.”

“No, I know,” Liam nodded.

“What about you?”

“I don’t know. Stay here until we sell the house, finish out the school year, move back in with my parents, or go stay with Mason and Corey, or...or travel.”

“You should travel,” she said with a gentle smile. “You’ve always wanted to. You could take your half of what we get from the house, and just...go. You’ve read so much about so many places. You should see them.”

“Yeah.” Liam bit his lip. “Maybe.”

He knew that if he left here, if he traveled, he’d be looking for Theo behind every door, and around every corner, and he wasn’t sure if that was fair to himself.

“Look,” Becca stood. “I’m...I’m going to go.” She reached out, taking the diamond engagement ring and platinum band from her hand and setting them on the coffee table. “But we’ll talk. I’ll come back to pack up my things, and...and everything else. But unless there’s anything else you need to say…”

“No, I guess there isn’t,” Liam admitted. He looked at the rings on the table, and slowly removed his own, setting it next to hers. It only felt right for them both to be there, after all.

He didn’t say anything else as Becca left, because there was nothing left to say. She was right, this had been over already, they had both known it, and just because they had now spoken it didn’t change anything. She had driven three hours for them to make this claim in person, face to face, and he felt foolish for making her do that. She was likely going to head right back to Kathy’s, three more hours on the road, and he was still here, feeling selfish, and lonely, and as though he could have done something more, and hadn’t.

But Becca was right. They had always been too similar, they had always been too stubborn to admit when it was time for something to end, and she was right that they never should have gotten married.

This felt like the end of something, but it wasn’t the end of him and Becca that he was mourning, because that had been over for months. No, what Liam was mourning as he watched Becca pick her bags back up and leave again was the loss of Theo , and he felt even worse for that, because Becca deserved better. She deserved for her husband to at least be thinking about her as she left him for the last time, and yet here he was, thinking about Theo Raeken.

And now that he had started thinking about him, would he ever be able to stop?

***

“Well, that’s it then, huh?” Mason looked over at Liam. “You’re officially divorced.”

“Yeah.” Liam nodded. “Look, thank you for coming up, I just...packing up the house, and all of this…”

“Hey, don’t mention it,” he said. “My mom was thrilled for an excuse to see her grandkids, and we’ve always been close. I’ve been there for all of the big moments, and this is one of them, even if it’s kind of a shitty one.”

“Yeah.” Liam sighed, opening the door to his home.

Or rather the house that had used to be his home. It had sold yesterday, just hours before his divorce had finalized, and it already felt sparse. Becca had moved all of her things out weeks ago, and Liam had slowly started packing up at the same time, but now? Now he really had to buckle down and get his things out of there, and into the storage unit that he was renting until he figured out where he was going to go next.

Moving back into his childhood bedroom at the age of 26 did feel like a failure in some ways, but in others? He wanted to be home. He felt stupid saying that he wanted his mom, but he did. He had been full of feelings non-stop since his night with Theo, and his morning after with Becca, and while he had kept it all inside of him, that didn’t mean that he wasn’t getting comfort from the family that he had left.

He wished that he had called Mason sooner, that he had asked Mason to be here sooner, because he knew. He knew that as soon as he called, Mason would be rushing here, and of course he had told him that he and Becca were splitting, but he had said that he was fine, that Mason shouldn’t come.

When he had called him yesterday begging him to come visit, Mason had agreed instantly, and gosh, it would have been nice to have his best friend weeks ago, but he was afraid that if Mason showed up, he would have to explain to him what was going on, and he didn’t want to do that.

“So, do you want to talk about it?” Mason asked as he began wrapping dishes in the paper that Liam had set out. “Or do you just want to talk about like, literally anything else?”

“God, I don’t even know. I never thought that this would be me, you know? 26, divorced - a cheater-”

“Wait, what?” Mason looked up at him, and Liam realized his mistake instantly. “You cheated on Becca?”

“Um…” Liam gulped. “Yeah, sort of.”

“You never told me about this.” Mason furrowed his eyebrows, looking straight ahead at his best friend. “Why did you not tell me about this, Liam?”

“I just…” Liam raked a hand through his hair. “It was the night before we decided to split. I guess it was what showed me that we actually needed to, that there was no pretending we could work through this. I just think that I was embarrassed that I had done it, and it wasn’t exactly a pleasant thing to talk about, and I guess I was afraid that you’d judge-”

“I mean, it’s not great,” Mason said. “But the marriage was over, you slept with one person, one time, already knowing you and Becca weren’t working out. It’s not ideal, but I’m your best friend, Liam. I’m not going to judge you for that, or hold it against you.”

“Yeah?” Liam looked up at him, hope in his eyes.

“Yeah, man.” Mason smiled. “I’m kind of shocked you didn’t tell me. I mean, you tell me everything.”

“Yeah, no, I know.” Liam nodded.

“So why?” Mason asked, setting down the dish he had been wrapping and looking at Liam. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Oh, um…” Liam shrugged. “No reason, I just felt bad.”

“I’ve been your best friend for two decades, buddy,” Mason said. “I can tell when you’re not telling me something. And I guess you don’t have to, but it sort of seems like you might be - you might feel better if you let it out.”

“You’re going to judge me,” Liam said softly.

“I just said that I didn’t.”

“No, not...not for what I did,” Liam sighed.

“Then what?”

“For who I did it with .”

“Was it Corey?” Mason asked, his tone stoney, even though he knew full well that it couldn’t possibly be.

“Oh, god, no,” Liam shook his head. “God, Mason, of course not.”

“Was it one of your students?”

“No!” Liam’s eyes widened. “Mason, I would never, ever do that!”

“I know,” Mason said. “But I just thought I’d throw out a couple of examples so that you would know that there was a lot worse,” he shrugged. “And that I’m not going to judge you.”

“Oh.” Liam wasn’t sure that he liked that particular course of action, but he supposed that it had sort of worked. Sleeping with Theo was a lot better than sleeping with a student, or sleeping with his best friends’ husband - two things that he would never in a million years even entertain the thought of doing.

“Hey, again, you don’t have to tell me,” Mason said. “But I’m here if you want to talk, and I sort of think that you do.”

Liam turned back to the glasses that he was wrapping up, not sure what to do. This had been eating at him for months now, and Mason was his best friend. Maybe he should have told him when it had happened, and maybe he should tell him now, but he felt so incredibly uncomfortable about it. If he told Mason this, he would have to tell Mason that he had been keeping something back for ten years, and that just wasn’t how their friendship had worked in the past. They had been so close, they had been so all in with each other, platonically, of course, and this? Liam had kept this bottled up inside of him, sharing it with no one, not even Mason.

To his credit, Mason didn’t push, and he went right back to wrapping up the plates, though he glanced at Liam periodically. He knew his best friend, and he knew that Liam had something he needed to get off his chest. He also knew that the best way to get Liam to talk to him was to give him space, and let Liam come to the right conclusion on his own.

“It was Theo,” Liam said finally.

Mason was so surprised that he dropped the bowl he had been wrapping, glad that he had done enough for it not to break.

“ Theo ?” Mason asked.

“Theo.”

“Theo Raeken ?”

“Theo Raeken.” Liam gulped, leaning against the counter, searching Mason’s eyes for a reaction.

He knew that Mason had said that he wouldn’t judge him, that he wouldn’t hold this against him, but he also knew that this was a huge bomb to drop, and that Mason probably had never even let this thought occur to him, that Liam might have slept with Theo.

“When did you even see him?”

“Um, the night before-”

“Oh, no, right, right,” Mason nodded. “Sorry, processing. I thought - I didn’t even know you were in touch with him. I didn’t think that any of us were.”

“I wasn’t. I’m not. We aren’t.”

“Oh.” Mason frowned. “So...so what happened?”

“He stopped by The Boxcar ,” he admitted “I was there for a drink after work, and he was driving through town on his way to somewhere else, and we had a drink, and then we had a few more, and we got to talking.”

“Got to talking?” Mason asked. “And then got to fucking? This is pretty out of left field, my dude. Even for you.”

“It is and it isn’t,” Liam sighed. “I…” he left the glasses and moved to sit at the kitchen table with Mason. “I think that when he left, I repressed a lot of stuff,” he admitted.

“Stuff for Theo ?” Mason asked.

Liam nodded.

“Okay.” Mason looked at his best friend. “And then he showed up again and you went all weak in the knees?”

“Not exactly, it wasn’t like that, not right away. We were talking, catching up, and I used the wolf’s bane, and got a little tipsy, and so did he, and we were more loose with what we were thinking, what we were feeling, and you know how that can get. I told him how upset and hurt I had been when he left. I told him that he had been my anchor, and he told me he hadn’t known that, and I guess I believe him, but I always thought he had known, you know? And that he had left anyways. And then we argued, and I told him to leave, because I was starting to know, I was starting to realize that it had all been so terrible because of how I had felt for him, but that I hadn’t been ready to admit it yet, and then he kissed me. He just grabbed me in the parking lot, and pushed me up against the side of my car, kissed me, and asked me to spend the night with him.”

“And you did?”

“I told him no, at first,” Liam said. “Or rather, I said that I was married, but he could tell that those were just words. It was like he could see inside my soul, and that he knew what I really wanted, so...yes.” Liam nodded. “I spent the night with him.”

“Wow.” Mason let out a low whistle and looked across the table at his best friend. “I can safely say that in a million years, I would never have guessed you and Theo Raeken. Like if you’d asked me to guess, we would have been here until I had named literally everyone else you knew first,” he said. “But also, weirdly, now that you say it, I can sort of see it?”

“You can?” Liam’s blue eyes went wide with surprise, because that was not what he was expecting to hear from his best friend at all.

“Well, yeah.” Mason shrugged. “I don’t know, you two always had a weird dynamic, and I figured it was just because he tried to make you kill Scott, and then you needed his help, but he was different after he came back, and I guess I sort of didn’t really think about it much, but I knew he anchored you, I thought it was just because maybe he understood your anger, but this makes sense.”

“It does?”

“Yeah.” Mason nodded. “I guess it just sort of checks out? I guess I just thought you were straight so my brain never went there.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I sort of always thought that I was straight, too,” Liam muttered.

“That’s fair.” Mason shrugged. “For some people, it’s just that one person of the same gender, and it’s women every other time, you know?”

“And you think for me, it’s Theo?”

“Oh, come on, you have to know that I can’t tell you that,” Mason said with a laugh.

“Yeah, no, I guess not.”

“So what’s going on with that now? With the two of you?”

“Oh.” Liam shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Mason raised an eyebrow, honestly perplexed by that answer.

“I told him I was married, that it had to be a one night thing, so when I woke up the next morning, he was gone.”

“He just left you?”

“I basically told him to,” Liam said.

“Still, that sucks.” Mason shrugged. “Do you know where he went?”

“Not really,” Liam admitted. “He said something about New Mexico, but he said he traveled a lot, he’s basically a drifter, I guess.”

“Did you get his number?”

“No.”

“Email?”

“No.”

“ Anything ?”

“No.”

“So you just let him go, after one crazy night together, then you told Becca things were over, and he’s just, what, in the wind?”

“Pretty much.”

“That is such bullshit!” Mason threw his hands up into the air.

“What? Why are you upset about this?” Liam asked, genuinely confused by his best friend’s reaction.

“Well, you’re miserable,” Mason said. “God, you’ve been miserable for awhile now, and if Theo Raeken is the fucker that can make you happy, and you just let him leave again, that’s terrible.”

“I didn’t make him leave!” Liam felt that familiar ache return to his chest, because he sort of had. At least this time. “Well, not...not the first time,” he backpedaled sheepishly.

“Exactly. But look at me, Liam. Are you in love with him?”

Liam shrugged, looking down at the table, suddenly pretending to be very interested in the finish of it. He didn’t know if he wanted to answer that question. He wasn’t sure if he knew how to answer that question, because his feelings for Theo were so complicated, and even he didn’t really understand them, at least not fully. But at the same time, he knew without a doubt, that he was in love with Theo. He had hidden it, and lied about it for so long, but as Mason stared him down now, and asked him that question, pointe blank, with no frills, he couldn’t lie about it.

Not to Mason, and not to himself.

“I…” Liam shrugged. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“You guess?”

“He’s gone,” Liam said. “And admitting that I’m crazy in love with him is just gonna be setting myself up for more heartbreak, and I’m not really sure that I can take any more of that bullshit right now.”

“Except you just did.”

“I just did what?” Liam frowned.

“You just admitted it. You’re in love with him. Crazy in love with him, apparently, and refusing to say it out loud, or admit it? That doesn’t change what you’re feeling, Liam, nor should it have to. You’re in love. That’s okay.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Liam said. “You and Corey met, and you matched, and yeah, I know you had hiccups and bumps and all of that, but you always knew it was gonna be you and him at the end of things, and deep down, so did he. It’s not like that with me, with Theo. It’s just not. It never has been, and it’s never going to be.”

“Do something for me?” Mason said.

“What?”

“Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Just humor me.”

“Fine.” Liam leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, his head tilted up towards the ceiling, but all that he could see was the darkness.

“Okay.” Mason nodded. “So, I don’t know. Ten more years from now, if you could be anywhere, where would you be?”

“Here,” Liam said. “Teaching high school history.” He loved his job, and so that? That part wasn’t a lie.

“Okay, fair enough.” Mason shifted in his chair. “But other than that, you’re teaching high school history, you have a house in Beacon Hills, Corey and I drive up for holidays with the twins, you see your parents for Sunday dinner, Scott and the others roll in from time to time when they can - just picture it,” he said.

“Okay…”

“Picture, I don’t know, your birthday. You’re turning 36, and all of your friends and family are there. It’s a nice dinner, just for you, all about you, and everyone that you love came.” Mason paused. “Can you see it?”

“Yes…”

“Is Theo there?”

Liam gulped, because he could sort of picture it. Sure, he didn’t know what any of them would look like in ten years, not even himself, but when Mason put it like that, thinking about everyone that he cared about, everyone that he loved all sitting around one table, did he want Theo there?

Yes, he did.

“I…” Liam gulped, feeling choked up. “I want him to be?”

“But is he?” Mason pushed.

“I don’t know,” Liam admitted.

“Okay, that’s fair,” Mason said softly. “But in that future, ten years from now, did you go look for him?”

“What?” Liam opened his eyes, his expression unreadable as he gazed at Mason.

“In...that future, with your party, whether Theo is there or not, did you at least try to find him, or is he not there because you just let him go?”

“I didn’t just let him go!” Liam said, starting to feel his blood boil. “He left! He left me!”

“I’m not saying he was right to,” Mason said. “But sometimes, to get what you want, you have to just go after it, and if you want Theo, as much as it may not be your responsibility, or your fault, or whatever, do you think you’ll be okay with yourself, ten years from now, if you don’t go after him?”

“I don’t even know how I would go about doing that,” Liam said, folding his arms over his chest.

“That’s fair,” Mason said. “But are you gonna be at peace with yourself if you never even try?”

Liam didn’t reply. He let Mason’s words sink in, and he really thought about them, wondering what the true answer was. Would he be okay with himself if he didn’t even try? If he just tried to push this all back, pretend it had never happened, and let Theo go, or would he spend the rest of his life regretting it?

He didn’t have Theo’s phone number, or license plate, or itinerary, and Theo wasn’t the sort to have facebook or any other sort of Social Media, so honestly, he didn’t really have any idea of how to go about finding him, but would he ever be truly okay if he didn’t at least try?

No. Liam gulped, realizing that the answer was very clear. No, he wouldn’t.

“That’s what I thought,” Mason said softly.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to,” Mason replied. “Your face is saying it all. Look, I don’t know what you’re dealing with here, or what you’re feeling, but I know that I know you better than I know just about anyone else, and if you don’t do this for yourself, you’re going to spend the rest of your life wondering what happened if you did, and you won’t ever be any happier than you are right now. Love can be a really fucked up thing, Liam, and everyone always says that love is hard, but I don’t really think that’s true. I think love is easy. You feel it, it’s there or it isn’t. It’s the relationship that’s hard.”

Liam felt a lump rising in his throat as he looked at his best friend, because god damnit, everything that Mason was saying made sense, and Theo wasn’t sure that he liked that. Mason was right so much of the time, and he knew that, but this was different. This was Mason looking right at him and telling him something that he didn’t want to hear.

He wanted Mason to say that they could just forget it, that Liam could be happy without Theo, and just move on with his life, but Mason was saying the opposite, and implying that Theo was the key, or at least part of the key, to Liam’s happiness, and Liam sort of wanted to break every dish in the kitchen.

“So go after him, Liam,” Mason said softly. “When the school year is over next month, just pack a bag, get in your car, and go. You can start by heading for New Mexico, or wherever you feel drawn to, and just...see if you can find him. If summer comes to a close and you haven’t found him, then come back if that feels right, or just keep looking if it doesn’t.”

“I can’t just leave my job and drive around the country looking for a boy who may or may not love me,” Liam argued.

“I’m not saying that you have to,” Mason said. “I’m just saying, take a couple of months and try. What is summer vacation for if not trying to track down the love of your life?”

“This isn’t a rom com,” Liam pointed out. “Nicholas Sparks isn’t writing my life.”

“I know that,” Mason had to chuckle a little at what Liam said. “I’m just saying. Give it a shot. Try. That way, you can say that you absolutely did your best. That way, you can sleep at night knowing that you didn’t give up on him so easily.”

“I hate it when you’re this right about something,” Liam groaned.

“I know, buddy.” Mason got up and went over to Liam, hugging him. “Love is a bitch and a half sometimes.”

“You don’t get to say that,” Liam whined. “You have Corey.”

“That is very, very true,” Mason smiled. “But I can still say it, because I know that it’s being a bitch for you right now, and as your best friend, I get to state that.”

Liam didn’t argue, he just let Mason hug him, and then resume packing up the home that he was leaving behind.

Was Mason right? Would he feel better if he didn’t just give up?

Mason was usually right, so Liam listened.

He didn’t give up.

When the time came for the school year to end, Liam packed up his Subaru, kissed his mother on the cheek, and drove out of Beacon Hills with nothing but some clothes, maps, and his GPS. He didn’t know where he was going - New Mexico first, he supposed, but New Mexico was big, and Theo could be anywhere, if he was even still in the state.

He didn’t have a recent photo of Theo or anything to show people, but he did his best, even though it didn’t feel good enough. He got close once, almost, when a young woman about two hours outside of Santa Fe said she recognized him, that they had met briefly, but when Liam asked where he had gone, she said that she didn’t know - they had spent the night together, and that was that.

Liam bristled at that, at the thought of Theo out here, sleeping with other people when Liam was searching for him. It had almost been enough to send him home, to get him to give up, to stop this crazy wild goose chase, but when he had called Mason from the motel that night, his best friend urged him not to give up so quickly, so he didn’t.

That summer, he didn’t find Theo, and when he returned to Beacon Hills at the end of August, he didn’t feel any better, so the next summer, he tried again.

And the summer after that, and the summer after that. He kept waiting for it to feel alright. He kept waiting for it to be enough. He kept waiting to feel like he had done his best, that he had tried to find Theo, and that he had been unable to, and put it to bed, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

How long would he have to do this until he felt that he had done enough? How many summers would he spend driving himself all over the country in search of someone that he was pretty sure he was never going to find? It felt worse and worse every year. When he had first started, he had packed up his car full of hope, that somehow, he would know where to find Theo, that he would pick up his scent, and that would be that, but it wasn’t so easy. Nothing was ever that easy, and he didn’t know what to do.

“So, you taking your road trip again this year?” Mason sipped at a bottle of beer at a backyard barbecue at the Dunbar’s. It was late May, and school would be out soon.

“I…” Liam sighed, taking a pull of his own beer. “I don’t know, Mase, I really don’t.”

“Does it feel closed?” Mason asked. “Like, do you feel complete? Like you did enough, or all that you could or whatever?”

“I don’t think it will ever fully feel like that,” Liam admitted. “But at some point, I have to stop obsessing over this. I’m 30. Almost 31. At some point, I need to realize that the boy I fell in love with when I was 16 just isn’t a part of my life anymore, and I need to move on with it.”

“If only things were as easy as just saying it, and making it so, huh?” Mason asked.

“You can say that again.” Liam sighed, shaking his head. “I just don’t know what to do. I mean, he’s gone. He just is. I’m not gonna find him throwing darts at a map and driving there, and I’ve searched online, he’s so good at keeping his head down. I don’t think he wants to be found, honestly.”

“Well, maybe that’s because he thinks you’re done with him,” Mason said. “I mean, if he left not knowing that you and Becca were going to be over, and that stuff…” he bit his lip. “I mean, maybe he thinks that’s it, that your night together was you telling him goodbye.”

“Yeah, that’s definitely a possibility,” Liam raked a hand through his hair. It was longer now, and maybe not quite as well kept as it had been four years ago, but his beard was still in control, so at least he didn’t look like a total wolfman.

Well, at least not outside of his shifts.

“I mean, I think sometimes two people are just supposed to be together. If you weren’t supposed to be with him, you’d be able to get past him, don’t you think? It’s been almost four years since you saw him last, and you’re still not over it. Have you even kissed anyone since your night together?”

“Like once,” Liam groaned. “And it felt gross. Or not gross, just not right, you know?”

“Yeah.” Mason smiled. “How I imagine kissing anyone other than Corey would feel pretty not good.”

“Probably.” Liam looked over to where Corey was, running around the yard, playing tags with the twins, who were nearing 6.

“He loves being a dad,” Mason said with a smile. “I mean, just look at him. He never got to have a good family growing up, and he’s just...god, I’m so lucky.”

“Really?” Liam said. “You’re gonna throw that all in my face right now? While I’m trying to figure out whether or not to give up on Theo?”

“Yup.” Mason nodded. “I’m trying to prove a point.”

“By being an asshole?”

That wasn’t really Mason’s style, and Liam was sure that there was something deeper to it, but he just didn’t quite know what that was. Mason was his best friend, though, and he wanted to trust him, to listen to what he said, and feel that the man really had his best interests at heart, because he always did. Even when he did things in a roundabout way, Mason definitely seemed to always make sense at the end of the day.

“No, well, I guess,” Mason wrinkled his nose. “I just...this is what you could have, you know?”

“I don’t exactly see Theo running around my parent’s backyard being chased by our adopted children,” Liam said dryly.

“Well, yeah, no, probably not, but happy looks different for everyone. For me and Corey, it’s our family, and having kids, and being that sort of couple. For you and Theo, it probably looks a little different. Or a lot different. I mean, you know as well as I do that I don’t really know Theo all that well, none of us really did, I guess.” He paused. “Except you, apparently.”

“There is so much that I don’t know about him,” Liam sighed. “Which is one of the things that feels weird about this, like I’ve been chasing this person, and I don’t even really know him? I mean, what if I find him, and it turns out he bites the entire cookie when eating an Oreo?”

“Really?” Mason looked at him frowning. “That’s a deal breaker for you?”

“God, I don’t know. What kind of monster does that?”

“You’re an idiot.” Mason laughed, reaching out and throwing a cherry tomato at his best friend.

“God, I really am.” Being worried about how Theo ate his Oreos, though, wasn’t his actual fear.

He was worried that Theo would hurt him again. That Theo would take a bite out of him , and he would never be able to recover from it. Theo didn’t have the best track record with sticking around and taking care of people, and Liam would need him to be a partner if they were going to try things, if they were really going to attempt to be together. Could Theo do that? Was he even capable of that level of commitment?

Liam was afraid that, even if he found him, the answer would be no, and it would all have been for nothing. Theo had so much power over him, and Liam didn’t know how to reconcile that. Maybe giving up and trying to move on was the best, but what if he wound up in another situation like the one that he had been in with Becca?

“You know, I’m only here for like, another day before we go back to San Francisco,” Mason said.

“Yeah…”

“So if you wanna get those thoughts out of your head, and out there with someone who will listen and not judge you too much, now would be the time to do that.”

“Yeah, god, I know.” Liam sighed. “I guess it’s just difficult to admit a lot of it, you know? Talking about fears makes them feel more real.”

“Yeah, but they’re real whether you say them like that or not, so come on, let me help you work through this. We can make a pros and cons list if need be.”

“Okay.” Liam sighed. “Well, I guess...I’m afraid that when, or rather if I find him, it won’t be what I want it to be, that I will have spent all of this time searching, and it won’t work out anyways, because he’s Theo, and I’m, well, me . I mean we were at each other’s throats for years.”

“Some people call that foreplay,” Mason mused.

“I will kill you.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Mason raised his hands in a placating fashion. “I’m listening.”

“There’s just no guarantee that it will work, or that anything will come of it, and then won’t all of my searching have been a waste?”

“Would it be any less of a waste if you gave up?” Mason countered. “I mean, at least then you’d have closure, right?”

“But I thought I’d gotten closure already,” Liam argued.

“Clearly not.”

“Fair enough.” Liam paused. “And I guess I’m worried if I keep looking, I’ll still never find him, you know? And that I will waste even more of my life than I already have on that fool.”

“Did you just call him a fool?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, carry on. What are you worried about if you stop looking?”

“I’m worried that I’ll never feel complete,” Liam said. “And that I’ll try to fill that void with someone else, and wind up in the exact same position I was in with Becca.”

“That’s valid.”

“I wish you wouldn’t say that.”

“But it’s true.”

“Fine.” Liam groaned. “I just feel like there’s no right or wrong answer, and I want there to be. I want there to be a big, red, neon, flashing sign telling me to either give up, or keep going, you know?”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if we always got that?” Mason tilted his head to the side. “Sometimes you do, but most times you don’t, and you gotta go with your gut. What’s your gut telling you?”

“That it wants to strangle you.”

“You don’t mean that, so I am going to choose to ignore it, and move on.”

“I guess...I don’t know. I want to try, one more time, you know?” He sighed. “But I also said that last year. That I was going to try just one more time. And I’m sure if I go this year, I’ll say it again next year, and the year after that, eventually, this will just be what I do. I live my whole life for those two and a half months where I go looking for some guy I used to know.”

“Well,” Mason bit his lip. “What if it wasn’t just those couple of months?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if you left, and just didn’t come back until you found him?”

“I can’t just not have a job.”

“Sure you can,” Mason said. “I mean, for a little while at least. I know you never spent your half of the money from the house sale, and I also know you’ve been living basically rent free in one of Derek’s buildings, because his friends and family discounts are absolutely insane.”

“Yeah…” Liam sighed. “I guess.”

“So maybe just do it one more time. Get in your car, and go looking for him, and when you’re tired, when you’re done , come home, and be done with it if you don’t find him, and if you do? Well, see what happens.”

“I don’t know.” Liam turned the nearly empty bottle in his hands. “That’s a big choice to make.”

“I mean, this life is yours only once,” he said. “How you live it is up to you, but you won’t get another chance.”

Liam gulped.

“I know.”

“You won’t always be in a position where you can do this, where you can just take off and chase after someone. If the summers aren’t cutting it…”

“Yeah, no, you’re making sense, I just don’t even know where to start.”

“Well,” Mason smiled. “Where is your gut telling you?”

***

For seven months, Liam drove around the country. It was exhausting, and it was frustrating, to find absolutely no trail of the man that he was searching for. Some days, he wondered if Theo was even still alive. He was an infuriating guy, with no family or next of kin. If he died, they wouldn’t know about it. No one would, probably, and letting that fear in made the lonely nights in motels, or sleeping in his car, or camping all that much worse.

He couldn’t remember the feeling of Theo’s arms around him anymore, it had been too long since they had held him. The pillowcase that he had saved with Theo’s scent didn’t smell like the other man anymore, and that surprised Liam. He had thought that smell would last forever, but no.

It was as though every aspect of Theo was fading away from him, and he couldn’t find him. Why should he keep trying? He had been in 47 states, and he knew that Theo was in a car, so traveling out of the contiguous US wouldn’t make any sense. He had one place left to go, and if Theo wasn’t there, Liam was done.

He couldn’t put himself through this anymore. It was agonizing, going from city to city, town to town, and finding no trace of his goal, of the man that he was less and less certain he loved with every passing day. After all, with every piece of Theo fading, Liam wasn’t sure if he was doing this for the right reasons. Was he chasing Theo because he was in love with him, or was he going after him still because he had let it become an obsession? Because he had told himself that he would feel better, feel complete, if only he found the other man?

He had been so sure when he had first started out four years ago, but now? Now he was less certain with each passing hour.

One more state. A few more cities, and you’re done.

This couldn’t consume him for the rest of his life, and this, he was sure, would be the line. He would be able to say that enough was enough now. Of course, driving to Maine in December wasn’t the most appealing idea for a California boy like Liam, but he didn’t want to wait it out, to hold out for warmer weather only to miss out.

No, he would go to Maine, he would deal with the snow, and when he didn’t find Theo, he would turn back, head for California, for home, and that would be that.

When he didn’t find Theo. When had he let that become the norm? That negativity, knowing, or at least telling himself that knew that Theo wouldn’t be there before he had even gone?

With a sigh, Liam gripped the wheel and focused on the road ahead of him. He was too old for this, too old to be chasing a dream, a childhood fantasy, a ghost , because wasn’t that what Theo was? A ghost from his past that he just couldn’t let go? He was chasing after something that he had no chance of finding, and using it as an excuse to stunt his life, his growth, and he knew that he couldn’t keep doing that. He was past 30, and too old to be doing this.

One last shot, and when it was over, it was over. He had to face the music, he had to move on. He had to let go of this...this dream that was little more than that.

“Here goes nothing,” Liam said to himself as he crossed state lines, entering the northernmost of the contiguous united states. It wasn’t exactly a small state, and he didn’t know where he was going, so he just kept driving, driving, figuring he’d decide where he was going eventually. He saw a sign on the dark road for Kennebunkport, and took the exit. He was pretty sure that he had heard of that place, and why not? He didn’t have any other sense of direction, and it was getting to the point where he should find a place to stay for the night, get something to eat, and figure out what his plan was for this state.

Should he go home now that he had crossed state lines? He had tried Maine, hadn’t he? Or at least he had gotten there...He resolved to figure that out once he was in a room for the night, be it a hotel, inn, or bed and breakfast. His stomach aching, he pulled into the first restaurant he saw - something called the Arundel Wharf. It looked like a pretty classic coastal town seafood joint and bar, and that suited him just fine. He didn’t want anything fancy, maybe just some fish & chips and a beer, though he was starting to run low on the wolf’s bane. Still, he had a little left, and since he was almost done, almost ready to give up for real, for good this time, why not use it now?

With a sigh, he parked his car, and made sure that it was locked before getting out, instantly pulling his coat and scarf around him, because god, it was freezing here. He looked around the restaurant. There were several tables with people at them, but for the most part, it looked like they were getting near the end of their night, and Liam was fine with that. He wasn’t planning to be here for hours and hours - just long enough to get a meal, and maybe a recommendation for a place to stay.

He was about to take a seat when something caught his attention. Mixed in with all of the fish, and fried foods, and liquor, there was a faint, but familiar scent. He looked up, feeling a catch in his chest, because no. There was no way that, of all places, Theo Raeken was here , in this small New England town, slinging fried fish to the locals, was there?

But the scent was unmistakable, and Liam found his feet carrying him to the bar. Sure enough, there he was, standing behind the wooden bar, wiping down a glass, as though this were a perfectly normal place for Theodore Raeken to be.

Theo looked up before Liam had a chance to speak, and the glass slipped from his hand, shattering on the bar in front of him, but neither of them really noticed, and fortunately, the bar was void of customers.

“What…” he gulped. “What are you doing here?” Theo asked.

“I…” Liam shrugged.

He hadn’t really ever figured this part out, what he would say to Theo when he finally found him, because he had become so convinced that he never actually would find him, and that if he did, well, he would just know what to say. That wasn’t the case, however, and he gulped, staring at the other man.

Theo looked different. His hair was growing out, as was his facial hair. He looked like he fit in a place like Maine, but at the same time, it was still Theo. His Theo.

Or at least he hoped so.

“I’ve been looking for you,” Liam said.

“What?”

“Yeah.” Liam nodded. “For...for awhile now.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I…” Liam took a deep, shaky breath. “I think you know the answer to that question.”

“I guess I do,” Theo said softly. “I just...but your wife.”

“Ex-wife,” Liam said quickly. “For several years now.”

“Oh.”

“I broke things off the day you left.”

“Oh.”

“I just...knew. I think I’d known before then, too. But I knew for sure then. And then I had to give it time, and by the time I was finished giving it time, you were so far in the wind it took me close to five years to find you.”

“You’ve been looking for me for five years?” Theo looked shocked.

“Well, summers,” Liam said. “When school’s out.”

“You’ve been looking for me for five summers?”

“Yes. Well, until this year, when I just...kept going.”

“That’s basically a full year.”

“Yeah.” Liam nodded. “Just...driving around, hoping I’d stumble across you. I got close a couple times, I think. But you were gone by the time I got there. Some people recognized your photo.”

“Oh.”

“But no one had your number, and you’re impossible to find on the internet.”

“Yeah,” Theo bit his lip. “I didn’t want to be an Omega on his own and easy to find…”

“That makes sense.” Liam looked at him. “But I needed to find you.”

“In my defense,” Theo said softly. “I didn’t know that.”

“And why would you?” Liam said, a lump rising in his throat. “I told you to leave. I told you one night, and that was it. One night, and then I was going to fix things with my wife, but…”

“But you’re in love with me.”

“But I’m in love with you.”

“Yeah. I uh, I know how that feels.”

“I know.” Liam reached up, wiping a tear from his eye. “But are...are you still?”

“Yes.” Theo nodded. “I am still.”

“So this wasn’t for nothing?”

“No.” Theo’s own eyes were starting to shine with tears. “It wasn’t for nothing.”

“So...so come back with me,” Liam said softly. “Please?”

“Come back with you?”

“To Beacon Hills. Please? My life is there, mostly, but I need you to be a part of it, and if you won’t, that’s fine. I’ll go wherever you want, but-”

Theo vaulted over the bar and grabbed Liam, kissing him long, deep, and shutting the other man up entirely. It was shocking, how one kiss could have such a tremendous impact, but it did. Liam felt Theo’s kiss in every part of him, it coursed through his body, all the way up to the top of his head, and all the down to the tips of his toes.

When they pulled back, both had tears in their eyes, and Theo was nodding.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, I’ll come back to Beacon Hills. With you.”

“You will?” Liam’s heart felt like it was about to beat right out of his chest, and god, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t let go of Theo, clinging to him for dear life, like everything that he had ever wanted depended on it, and god, maybe in a way, it sort of did.

“Of course.” Theo nodded. “If I get this? If I get to be with you? I would follow you anywhere. I only left because I thought that I needed to. I thought that you needed something else, that-”

“I need you ,” Liam said, cutting him off. “I need you. I want you. I don’t-”

“You’ve got me.” Theo leaned in, kissing him again. “I love you, Liam Dunbar. I always will, I probably always have.”

“I can’t wait for you to come home with me,” Liam said softly.

“Me neither.” Theo buried his face in Liam’s neck, pressing a gentle kiss to Liam’s throat.

“Raeken, what the hell?”

The men jumped apart as a booming voice stepped in.

“Oh, Mickey.”

“You’re still on shift, you know,” Mickey - Arundel Wharf manager, by the nametag he wore, looked right at Theo.

“Oh, yeah.” Theo bit his lip. “I um, turns out I have to go.”

“Go where?”

“Home.”

“But your shift-”

“I’m sorry,” Theo said. “This is more important.”

“If you leave, you don’t get to just come back!”

“I know.” Theo nodded. “But I’m not coming back anyways. I’m sorry, I am, but something that I have been missing my whole life just made itself available to me, and if I don’t take it now, I’m not gonna get another chance. I’ve burnt through too many with him already.”

“Uh…” Mickey looked confused. “Okay?”

“You can donate my last paycheck to the wildlife preserve or something,” Theo said. “But I’m out.” He took Liam’s hand, and without letting Mickey get another word in, he headed towards the door.

“You could have finished your shift, you know,” Liam said softly.

“I couldn’t have.” Theo shook his head. “Not knowing you were finally an arm’s reach away.”

Liam smiled and squeezed  Theo’s hand as they walked out of the restaurant, and to the parking lot.

“So, this is it?” Liam asked. “Now we drive off into the sunset?”

“Sun’s already set,” Theo said. “And unless you biked here in the snow, we have two cars.”

“You’re ruining it!” Liam reached out, shoving him, causing Theo to jerk on his hand, pulling him with.

They didn’t fall, but Liam wound up snuggled in the other man’s arms.

“I can follow you back to wherever it is you’re staying,” Liam said.

“You can.” Theo nodded.

“We can spend the night together.”

“We can.”

“And…” Liam took a deep breath. “We can spend the morning together.”

“We can.”

“And every morning after?”

“Yes.” Theo leaned down, kissing Liam again. “And every morning after. I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you, Liam. I will follow you anywhere. I will wake up with you every day, and I will love you forever.”

Liam gazed into Theo’s grey eyes, lit by the lights in the parking lot, and from the nearby restaurant.

“I’m never letting you go again,” Liam whispered as he hugged Theo, holding on tight.

For a minute, they just stood there, in the parking lot of a bar and restaurant, hugging each other, taking in each other’s scents, because it was familiar, but it had also been so long, and Liam held on for dear life, because a part of him couldn’t even believe that this was real, that Theo Raeken was actually in his arms, after everything that had happened between the two of them.

“We should go,” Theo said softly. “We can’t well spend the night here, we’ll freeze.”

“Yeah,” Liam smiled, looking up at him. “You lead. I’ll follow.”

Liam got behind the wheel of his car, but this time, instead of driving off into nowhere, with no idea of where he was headed, he knew what he was doing. He followed Theo down roads he had never been down before, and parked in front of a small house.

“I have the attic apartment,” Theo explained, heading to the back door and leading Liam up a separate flight of stairs to a small studio apartment.

There was a bed, and a small folding table, as well as a mini fridge, a microwave, and a hot plate, and very little else.

“This is where you live?” Liam asked.

“It’s temporary,” Theo said. “It’s always been temporary.” He flicked a heater on. “Sorry, it’ll only take a few minutes to warm up, I promise.”

“Come here.” Liam pulled Theo close, kissing him, leaning into the other man.

It wasn’t long at all before they were tumbling onto the bed. It wasn’t like the last time, when they had torn each other’s clothes off, thrown them everywhere, and jumped on each other. This time, there was no time frame, there was no sure end to things, and they could take their time.

They lay on the bed, just making out, getting used to each other again, and god, did it feel good. Liam took in every aspect of Theo, and when he finally slid his hand up the other man’s shirt, it felt so good, so natural. Being with Theo felt right in a way that nothing else ever had, and Liam almost couldn’t believe that this was happening, that they were together again after so long.

Theo was careful, removing Liam’s clothing, and Liam was careful as he did the same for Theo. They didn’t speak, but they didn’t have to. They were in sync, they were a unit, and when they made love, looking into each other’s eyes, Liam was certain that nothing had ever felt so perfect.


When Liam woke in the morning, it was chilly, and he was alone in the bed. At first, he was confused, but he sat up, and almost instantly, saw Theo at the hot plate, standing over a kettle, two mugs with tea bags hanging out the side on the counter beside him.

“You’re making tea?”

“Maine mornings are cold as fuck,” Theo said.

“You’re naked,” Liam pointed out.

“Well, in case you woke up, I wanted you to have a nice view,” he teased.

“Mission accomplished.” Liam stood up and grabbed the blanket from the bed. He walked over to Theo and moved behind him, wrapping the blanket around both of them, and kissing Theo’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Theo smiled. “Everything you said last night,” he poured the tea and shifted, handing one of the mugs to Liam, and going back over to sit on the bed. “You meant it?”

“Yes.” Liam nodded, joining him. “Every word.”

“Okay.” Theo looked over at him, a slight smile still in place on his face. “Well, then that’s what we’ll do.”

“I’ve got time, now,” Liam said softly. “I was thinking of finding someone that I can pay to drive my car back to California, and we can...drive together. Just the two of us, cross country. Take as long as we want”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Liam nodded. “I’ve spent years driving around this country looking for you, I haven’t really seen any of it, and I’ve always wanted to travel. I’d like to. With you.”

“I would like that, too.”

“Okay.” Liam smiled. “Then I’ll spend today trying to figure that out, and we can leave as soon as I get it sorted, and-”

“Shh.” Theo leaned in, kissing Liam. “No logistics. Not right now.”

“Okay,” Liam nodded, leaning in and kissing Theo back, long and deep. “I can live with that.”

Tea mugs were set on the windowsill, and Theo eased Liam back down on the bed, kissing him slowly, lazily almost, pulling the blanket over him as he did so.


Three days later, Liam’s keys were in the hand of a young woman who was finishing college at UCLA in the spring, and Theo’s truck was packed up with his few belongings, and everything that Liam had brought with them.

“You ready?” Theo asked, starting the car, and glancing sidelong at the other man.

“Yeah.” Liam smiled, looking over at him, meeting his eyes, and letting out a happy sigh. “Let’s take the long way home.”

Theo put the car into reverse, easing them out of the driveway of the small house with the attic apartment. As they turned onto the main road, he had one hand on the steering wheel, the other reaching for Liam.

They laced their fingers together, and as Theo focused on driving, Liam looked out at the road ahead.

It was long, but it was headed towards home, and Theo was with him, at long last. He was going to see the world, or at least part of it, with the man that he loved and nothing else mattered.