Work Text:
Yoongi was sitting at his cluttered desk in front of his monitors and recording equipment. His notebooks were strewn all across the table, open to random scribbles of writing. Nothing was going right; it hadn’t been for the last several days. Yoongi felt like he was at a standstill, but he couldn’t afford to be. He had moved across the globe to pursue his dreams of being a music producer, and not only that, but he had dragged Taehyung with him. He knew his boyfriend missed his family and friends terribly, so Yoongi knew he had to make this worthwhile more for Taehyung than himself.
Yoongi attempted to hum the beat to himself once more and groaned in frustration. He pushed his hair back from his forehead and gripped it tightly as if the pain would distract him from the mess his song was right now. He heard Holly whine from his spot near Yoongi’s feet because of the negative energy that was enveloping the room like a dark cloud. Normally, Yoongi would feel bad for making his pup anxious, but Yoongi was too busy feeling sorry for himself to care. Yoongi leaned his head on the desk and closed his eyes, practicing some breathing exercises.
In, out, in, out, he told himself.
He felt utterly useless and was beginning to drown in the feeling.
Yoongi picked up on the door rattling from the front of the apartment; a signal that Taehyung was home from his art classes. Usually, Yoongi would act like a trained dog and become ecstatic at the prospect of his love being home, but in all honesty, Yoongi just wanted to be left alone and was even dreading Taehyung’s presence. On cue, Holly zoomed from the studio to welcome his other father, both him and Yeontan creating a ruckus.
“Hyungie, I’m home!” Taehyung announced, the sounds of him settling down in the apartment acting as his background music.
Yoongi reluctantly got up from his desk and walked into the living room to at least greet his other half. “Hi, Tae-ah.”
“How was your day?” Taehyung asked just like he always did, striding towards Yoongi to cup his cheeks. Yoongi immediately began to fight his hold and Taehyung let go more in shock than in compliance.
“I’ve had better days,” Yoongi responded honestly, not even bothering to look at Taehyung. “I’m gonna go out to the balcony and smoke.” He walked towards the sliding glass door that led out to their cramped outdoor space. Before he opened the door to walk out, he turned back to Taehyung and the latter hoped maybe Yoongi would ask about his day, too. “There are some leftovers from what I made for lunch if you’re hungry.” And with that, he disappeared behind the doors.
Taehyung couldn’t help the sudden pang in his chest at being completely blown off by his boyfriend.
What the fuck?
Taehyung figured Yoongi was going through something within himself, but still. It fucking hurt.
Yoongi sighed as he breathed in the fresh air outside. Well, as fresh as it can get in Los Angeles. He quickly retrieved his pack of Marlboro Lights that he usually kept on the small table they had out here. Yoongi felt that the space was too small to decorate, but Taehyung wouldn’t relent. Something about making the best of what you have.
He pulled out the bright pink BIC lighter he had shoved into the carton earlier. That was the last time Yoongi asked Taehyung to buy him a new lighter. Yoongi hastily plucked out a cigarette and stuck it between his lips, cupping the end with his hand as he ignited the lighter with the other. He quickly inhaled, successfully lighting up the cigarette. Yoongi sat on the blue deck chair behind him and leaned back, his hands dangling off the armrests. Yoongi was careful not to drop ashes on the rug Taehyung had placed beneath the chairs and into the actual ashtray.
He closed his eyes as he continued to take deep drags of the cigarette. He just wanted to stop thinking about his work; about his life; about everything. He just needed a reset. Yeah, then everything would be okay; then everything would make sense.
After smoking two cigarettes rather quickly, Yoongi ducked back inside to find Taehyung sitting in the living room with some reheated leftovers and the television playing pointlessly in the background. When they met eyes, the younger gave Yoongi a bright smile and Yoongi attempted to return it, but it came out more like a grimace.
“The food is really good, Hyung,” Taehyung tried again, but Yoongi just mumbled a small thanks and rushed back to his studio, closing the door behind him—a telltale sign that he wanted to be left alone.
Taehyung sighed as he quietly finished his food alone. Both Yeontan and Holly were looking at him in confusion as if they too could feel the tension in the tiny apartment.
“I know, babies… I don’t know what’s wrong with Daddy, either.”
Yoongi had been cooped up in the studio for hours before Taehyung decided to intervene. He tentatively knocked on the door, a plate of food in his hand for his hyung.
“I’m busy, Taehyung-ah,” came the distant and muffled voice of Yoongi from inside the room.
“Hyung, it’s been hours…” Taehyung reasoned. “You need to eat.”
“No I don't,” Yoongi argued back, clearly not giving in.
“Okay, can we at least not talk with a door between us?” Taehyung huffed, growing frustrated. “Can you let me in, please?”
Taehyung received silence in response, and just when he was about to give up and leave, he heard shuffling that was no doubt his hyung moving towards the door. Taehyung couldn’t help that small, fond smile forming on his face.
“Happy now?” Yoongi mumbled as he swung the door open, standing in the doorway, not making room for Taehyung to come in. He looked worse than he did a few hours ago and Taehyung was immediately put off.
“Are you okay?” Taehyung questioned, pushing his way into the studio because he knew that’s the only way he could win with his hyung.
“Just peachy,” Yoongi muttered, making his way back to his desk chair.
“Here,” Taehyung said, carefully placing the plate on an open space on the desk. “Eat.”
Yoongi’s face blanched, as though he just noticed what the younger was holding. “Taehyung-ah, you know how I feel about food in here…” He sounded annoyed, like Yoongi was reprimanding a child.
“I don’t care,” Taehyung said, still standing by the desk which made him tower over Yoongi more than usual. “You look crap and you need to eat.”
“Gee, thanks,” Yoongi snorted, eyes flaring. He stared at Taehyung with an expression that usually wasn’t directed towards the younger.
“Seriously Hyung, if you’re not gonna eat in here, at least come outside to eat, and then you can get back to work—”
“Don’t you see that I’m fucking busy, Taehyung?” Yoongi bit back as he glared at Taehyung, his whole body taut.
“Of course I do!” Taehyung exclaimed, feeling upset. “Why else do you think I’m in here?!”
“You’re bothering me more than anything,” Yoongi said, venom laced in his voice. Taehyung looked taken aback at the sudden jab, his bottom lip trembling as his eyes began to water.
“You… you don’t mean that,” Taehyung reasoned, taking an involuntary step back from the desk. From Yoongi.
“No, I do,” Yoongi pressed on, his eyes dark. “I have to make these tracks for our income because we all know how much your job actually helps.”
The younger bit his lip in order to control the sob that was fighting to come out. “Yoongi… you’re being cruel. Please stop…”
Yoongi's eyes shone in conflict, his mind finally catching up to the words coming out of his mouth. He cautiously got up and took a step forward towards Taehyung who continued to back away from him. “Taehyung-ah, please, just give me some space…” he whispered, carefully taking the plate of food from his boyfriend. “I’ll eat, but please… I need to be alone right now."
The tears were cascading freely down Taehyung’s face now; Yoongi knew he fucked up colossally, said things he never really meant.
Taehyung gave Yoongi one hard look before turning on his heel, storming out of the room, and slamming the door shut in his wake. Yoongi collapsed back on his desk chair and harshly rubbed his face. What the fuck was wrong with him?
Yoongi couldn’t concrete after that. His thoughts were spiraling over Taehyung and their conversation. How could Yoongi be so callous towards the love of his life? When all Taehyung was doing was showing Yoongi his love? Yoongi drummed his fingers nervously on his desk as he reflected. He knew Taehyung was still sitting out in the living room—he had already heard The Little Mermaid play through at least twice. The concerning thing was that he hadn’t heard Taehyung sing a single word. Man, he had really fucked up.
Yoongi decided enough was enough and stood up from his chair, determined. He had to grow a pair and apologize to the love of his life. Taehyung would never speak to him that way, and if he did, he would apologize immediately. Yoongi already knew that he didn’t deserve Taehyung, but this really solidified his thinking.
He tentatively walked to the door and opened it. He was engulfed in darkness, the only light source being the flat screen in the middle of the living room. Yoongi took quiet steps to the couch where he could see Taehyung’s form swaddled in blankets. He was avoiding Yoongi’s gaze, stubbornly looking at the screen. Taehyung looked beautiful, even in such shitty lighting; even with his puffy eyes, tear-streaked cheeks, and puffy face.
“Oh, baby…” Yoongi breathed out, carefully sitting on the couch next to him. Taehyung didn’t respond, so Yoongi grabbed the remote from the coffee table and paused the movie. “Baby… look at me?” Yoongi tried again, hands making their way to Taehyung’s form. The younger didn’t move, but he also didn’t bridge the gap between us.
“What do you want?” Taehyung croaked out instead, not meeting Yoongi’s gaze as new tears welled up in his eyes. “You wanna tell me how useless I am again?”
“No, baby—”
“Might I remind you that I came here for you?” Taehyung gritted out, finally looking at Yoongi now. “That I left my whole life behind… because I want to support you?”
“I know, Taehyungie, I—”
“No, Yoongi!” Taehyung bursted out, sniffling. “I know… I know I did this of my own volition… Trust me, I know that.” He wiped his face of the fresh tears. “But when we fight… especially when you’re so cruel… it hurts so bad.” Taehyung’s voice broke at the end, just like Yoongi’s heart.
“Taehyungie…” Yoongi tried to console, his own tears pricking at his eyes. He opened his arms for his beloved, not wanting to push him into anything. “Please come here…”
Taehyung looked like he was at war with himself and didn’t know what to do. But eventually, his resolve dissipated and he collapsed into Yoongi’s arms, the sobs uncontrollable now.
“Hyung is so sorry…” Yoongi murmured into Taehyung’s hair as he placed kisses atop his head. “Hyung didn’t mean it, baby. I’m so sorry.”
Taehyung didn’t say anything in return but just snuggled closer into Yoongi’s warmth, trying to absorb as much of his love’s comfort as possible.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” Yoongi continued, his voice wavering. “I don’t wanna lose this… not with you.” He pushed Taehyung back with displeasure and searched his face. “Please tell me that we’re okay…”
Taehyung sniffled again as he rubbed his eyes, watery eyes staring into Yoongi’s. “It’s like you… pinned my hands behind my back, Hyung,” the younger hiccuped. “Sometimes it’s like I can’t do anything right.”
Yoongi blinked, not fathoming what Taehyung was saying. “No, baby… No. I’m so sorry. It’s all me, in my head…” he told Taehyung, averting his gaze as Yoongi pondered his next words. “I know it’s not an excuse, but sometimes I just get so wrapped up in those negative feelings…” Yoongi felt warm hands cup his cheeks as Taehyung forced Yoongi to look at him. The elder didn’t even notice that he was crying until he felt his love thumbing away his tears.
“It’s… okay,” Taehyung finally said as he took a deep breath. “I mean, what you said wasn’t okay. Not at all.” Yoongi’s face fell.
So this was it.
“But,” Taehyung continued, “I love you more than life itself, Yoongi. I wanna be there for you… through everything.”
Yoongi opened his mouth to speak, but Taehyung raised his eyebrows to let him know that he wasn’t done yet.
“I need you…” Taehyung paused, calculating his next words, “I need you to talk to me, Yoongi-hyung.” He was still holding Yoongi’s face and Taehyung gently caressed Yoongi’s cheeks with his thumbs. “I know— I know you find that difficult, but you have to try, okay? This love is worth any fight we have but, we have to continue to work on ourselves, okay?”
Yoongi was speechless. It’s like every word he knew had left his brain and all Yoongi could cognize was this ethereal being in front of him. All he could do was nod dumbly and press his lips against Taehyung’s, meeting in their afterglow.
“I promise to try, Taehyung-ah. I promise to try for you.”