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The first time they met, Atsumu was crying from helplessness and slight panic.
It was a hot August night, during a summer festival, and his twin brother accidentally separated from his grip. Earlier, the two nine-year-old twins were in a heated argument over which stall or booth they should visit next. Atsumu wanted to visit the booth where you paid a few yen to shoot down bottles for a prize, while Osamu wanted to have takoyaki. That was when Atsumu was suddenly swept away by the crowd.
At first, Atsumu was glad to lose his brother for once. He went to the booth he wanted to go to, and won a coupon for some candy apples in a nearby stall. Geez, talk about a lame prize, he thought as he claimed his candy apple. He then went to look around for a few more minutes, before realizing that he missed his brother and was getting lonely without his company.
"Osamu?" Atsumu called out, walking amidst the festival. "Osamu! Where are you?"
The small nine-year-old wandered around the festival for a bit, clad in his white yukata. At this point, fear started to envelop his mind, and he wasn't able to think straight. He knows Osamu wanted to have takoyaki, but he didn't know where the takoyaki booth was and he was too scared to think about what he should do because he was all alone in a sea of unfamiliar people. He wasn't as good as Osamu when it came to directions.
The fireworks display was starting soon. Atsumu was scared of fireworks. He didn't like how they were loud and went all boom. He still hasn't found his brother. A few more minutes passed, but he wasn't able to count how many - five? Ten? It felt like his brother has been gone for hours. He started to cry when the fireworks display started its show, the first one flying to the sky before exploding in a pretty array of colors.
Atsumu pressed his hands to his ears and closed his eyes, trying to run away from the festival. He didn't care about the people he pushed along the way... he just wanted to get out of there.
The noise the fireworks created rang in his ears, and no matter how hard he tried to press his hands to his ears, he still heard that loud sound. Atsumu tried to hide in the trees surrounding the place of the festival for now - just until the show was finished - and curled himself up into a ball at the base of a trunk. Then, he sobbed at how helpless he was feeling, and how wrong it was of him to leave his brother alone.
What Atsumu didn't know, was that someone was in the trees with him. A gray-haired boy who looked 18, wearing a simple navy blue yukata underneath a gray haori. A fox mask was resting on one side of his head. What's peculiar about him was, instead of human ears, he had the ears and tail of a fox, matching the color of his hair. This particular deity was roaming around the festival and overlooking its events with a lack of interest. This happened every year, and what people did never changed.
He was a little surprised to see this child around these parts. No one usually wandered outside the festival while the fireworks display was ongoing.
"Are you lost?" he asked the small child.
Atsumu sniffled, to his surprise. "Y-Yes," he stuttered. "I... couldn't find my brother anywhere. We fought for a bit and I got separated from him and now I'm lost!"
The gray-haired deity kneeled down to reach the child's eye level and patted his head. "Calm down, now. Where did you lose him? Let's go find him together." The deity was about to grab Atsumu's hand to help him stand, but Atsumu recoiled from his touch.
"No!" Atsumu cried. "I don't want to go out there! I-I'm scared of fireworks!"
The deity was a bit shocked at this boy's reactions. He then gave him a soft smile. "Alright. Let's not get out of here. Um... what's your name? I'm sure you have one, right?"
Atsumu eyed him a little suspiciously before answering. "I'm Atsumu Miya. My brother's name is Osamu. How about you?"
"Kita. Just call me Ki-" the deity tried to answer, but Atsumu's focus was not on him. Rather, his attention was on Kita's fox traits. Atsumu stretched his arm out to touch Kita's ears. "Fox ears!" Atsumu's eyes, still a bit red from crying, was shining. "You have fox ears!" Atsumu's excitement was obvious in his voice.
"Well, yes," Kita replied. "I have... fox ears."
"And you've got a tail, too!" Atsumu buried his face in Kita's tail. "Oh my gosh, it's so soft and fluffy!"
"Kid, I prefer you didn't do that-"
"So you're one of those cool half-fox thingies I see in anime?!" Atsumu's face was now wearing an expression of curiosity and interest as he looked up at Kita, asking questions. Kita sighed and chuckled softly.
"You could say that, I guess," he said, in response to Atsumu's question about being a "fox-thingy". Kita stood up and brushed the dirt off his haori.
A lound boom went off in the sky, along with various colors, and Atsumu immediately covered his ears with his hands again. The candy apple he had been holding previously fell to the ground this time, and Atsumu went back to a state of fear.
Kita looked at him pitifully. "You need to get over your fear of fireworks," he told Atsumu bluntly.
"H-Huh?"
"It's such a waste to be afraid of something as silly as fireworks, because..." Kita pointed to the sky, where fireworks were exploding. "Look. If you continue to be scared of fireworks, then you won't be able to appreciate its true beauty. Of course fireworks are loud. They explode in the air. But if you're able to ignore the sound..." Kita tapped Atsumu's small shoulder lightly, gesturing for him to look.
Atsumu stopped cowering for a moment and looked at the direction Kita was pointing at.
"You get to enjoy a scenery you can rarely see."
Kita was right - the moment his eyes met the sky, Atsumu didn't dare look away from its beautiful display of colors. There was so much to see... Atsumu could recognize red, blue, green, orange, and all the other colors of the rainbow he learned in class during first grade very well. They all mixed together and there were lots of fireworks exploding all at once, Atsumu didn't know where to look. Some sort of swelling feeling grew in his chest. What is this? He's never felt so... mesmerized before. It felt magical.
"They're so..." Atsumu shook his head, not knowing what to say, "pretty. Just... amazing. I mean, I always knew they were so pretty because there was so many colors, but I was just so scared of the sound because it reminds me of thunder and..." It wasn't long before Atsumu finally rested his hands at his sides, not minding the sound. "It's a bit scary."
"Now that you're not afraid of fireworks," Kita turned his attention back to the child at his side, "do you think you can find your brother now?"
Atsumu nodded, with confidence this time. "I guess I'm not so scared anymore!" he declared proudly, puffing out his chest. Kita had to stifle a laugh before he offered Atsumu one last head pat.
"Good," Kita gave him a rare smile. "Let this be a lesson to you. Don't get into any more fights with your brother, okay? He must be worried sick about you already."
"I'm all good!" Atsumu returned the smile with a wider one. Before turning and leaving, he waved his arm in the air towards Kita. "Good-bye, mister fox Kita-san! Thank you for your time!"
Kita could only wave back and watch as Atsumu made his way back to the festival, blending into the crowd before he completely lost sight of the child.
-
The second time they met, Atsumu was in middle school, and he came to the festival with his friends and teammates.
Well, Atsumu says "friends" but he's aware that they were no more than club mates or teammates. Most people in their middle school volleyball club hated Atsumu's "trashy" personality. They had all agreed to hanging out at the festival after practice.
Or... at least that was the plan.
Atsumu was wearing a plain white shirt, jogging pants, and his school's sports jacket. He wasn't crying this time, and he didn't get into a single fight with his brother today. Atsumu didn't come to the festival every year, but when the volleyball club agreed to go tonight, something inside him is looking forward to the festival. He doesn't know why. Instead, he told himself that he was only looking forward to this because he was with his club members this year. His "friends". That must be it.
Eventually, the group broke and they visited different places solo, in duos, or in trios. Atsumu and Osamu willingly went their separate ways tonight, since Osamu wanted to try out different kinds of food again and Atsumu wanted to check out the game booths.
That was the second time he got lost. Despite being in middle school already, Atsumu is still the same as before. Since the festival was so big, they could have gone anywhere. Atsumu checks his wristwatch and looks at the time. It was 5:55 PM. The fireworks show started at 6:30.
Years ago, during the last time they went to this summer festival, Osamu was surprised to know that Atsumu had gotten over his fear of fireworks. To this day, Atsumu never remembered why. He only remembers blurry scraps of his memories, but he can't piece them together. All he can recall is meeting a strange gray-haired boy, and one name: Kita.
As if by instinct, Atsumu wasn't even aware where his legs were taking him as he walked outside the festival - they were taking him to some place filled with trees. A grove. When he looked up at the sky, there were barely any festival booths to block his sight. This place was like a perfect private spot for viewing fireworks, or something. He was surprised why anyone else isn't here yet.
Atsumu let out a sigh and sat against the base of the tree trunk. There were 30 more minutes to go before the fireworks display started. While waiting, the setter took out his flip phone from his pocket and tried to send Osamu a text, asking him where he was. Minutes passed and he didn't get a single reply.
"Ah, God..." Atsumu pocketed his phone and sighed again. "Where could that stupid brother of mine be?"
Silence. Then, a soft voice.
"Lost again?"
Atsumu stood up instinctively at the sound of the voice and looked at his surroundings. Not far away from his left, standing with a relaxed posture, was a boy who looked a little bit older than Atsumu, and for some reason, his presence seemed familiar.
"Kita?" Atsumu was unsure, but he took a step closer to the fox deity. "I-Is that you? Good to see you again!"
Kita was holding a paper lantern in his hand by its wooden rod. The lantern illuminated the area they were in only by a little, but enough for the two of them to take a good look at each other's faces. Kita was slightly taller than middle-school Atsumu, so he looked down at the boy.
"Long time no see, indeed, Atsumu," he greeted. "So you've grown. Are you still afraid of fireworks?"
"Huh," Atsumu's face cringed in disgust at himself. "I was never scared of fireworks, okay? Like I could ever be scared of something as silly as-"
"I recall that you also cried back then," Kita mused. "You lost your brother, y'know. Got separated from him. Then I showed you the fireworks and you calmed down." Kita turned to look at the sky, and Atsumu saw that there was sadness etched in his small smile.
"You've grown so much," there was a certain change in his calm and soothing voice. Atsumu couldn't quite get it.
"You..." Atsumu gestured to Kita's face. "You don't seem like you've aged a bit at all!"
"Seems like you remember our first meeting pretty well, huh," Kita laid on the ground with his back against the grass, his tail acting as a fluffy cushion beneath him. Kita's eyes were on the sky. "I'm glad."
Atsumu walked over to Kita and knelt down beside him, looking at the deity with dark eyes brimming with curiosity. "It's not like I remember everything though, which completely sucks," Atsumu told him, outstretching an arm to pet Kita's head. He didn't know why he did that. It's like it was just... something his mind told him to do. "Your hair's super soft. What shampoo do you use? Ooh, you have fox ears! Is this, like, cosplay or something or is this real?"
"I see that you're still heavily interested in my fox traits," Kita's face stayed blank.
"Fox traits?" Atsumu stood up and looked down at Kita. Fluffy gray ears. A tail. The way he was dressed in traditional Japanese clothing. The way a fox mask was hanging from the side of his head. Atsumu raised his eyebrows in shock. "So... this isn't cosplay at all?!" the middle schooler's personality immediately switched to "fanboy" mode, where, as Osamu says, his mental age drops by five years. "So, you mean... that's a real tail, those are real ears, and you're a real fox?! This is so cool!"
"Not so much," even Kita had to spare a small laugh from his boy's antics. He sat upright, Atsumu following his head and sitting beside him, but not too far away. "I remember the last time we met, you were so amaed at me just like this. It's good to see that your personality hasn't changed that much," Kita told him.
"Change, huh..." Atsumu looked at his hands. Some of his fingers were taped up, trying to hide and heal bruises he got from previous games. Bruises that were a result of countless hours of practice - of countless hours of hardships. Atsumu wasn't the "laid-back" guy his juniors sometimes address him as. He was hardworking and passionate, and sometimes it was those traits of his that got him harmed.
"I like changes," Atsumu tells Kita, without looking at his eyes. "Because, y'know, there's just no point looking back at something that already happened. You can't change it. Ooh, there's a school I'm planning to enter, when I get to high school... it's called Inarizaki High. They have this crazy strong team, and their school motto is literally "we don't need the memories"!"
"I wish you the best then," Kita said.
Their conversation died down, and the two of them was silent. Atsumu looked to his side to check out what Kita was doing, only to see him toying with the paper lantern on his lap, his fox tail swishing behind him slowly.
Someone needs to start a conversation. Atsumu checks his phone. 6:18 PM. That much time had already passed? Honestly, he didn't want this meeting with Kita to end so soon, but his brain was refusing to function.
Think, 'Tsumu, THINK! Just think of anything... literally anything to keep the topic going...
"What are you, really? How come you don't seem to age?" Atsumu asked Kita. He immediately regretted the moment those words slipped out of his mouth. The middle schooler didn't know why - he spoke ill of his juniors who failed to hit his tosses without feeling guilty all the time, so why was Kita different?
Kita's hands stopped playing with the paper lantern. His tail stopped swishing. He was still silent, but Atsumu could anticipate something bad coming his way. He opened his mouth to apologize.
"I-I'm sorry, Kita-san, I came off as rude-"
"Fox."
Atsumu blinked his eyes in confusion. "... What?"
"I'm..." Kita shrugged, "a fox."
Atsumu didn't know what to do with that information. He began to ask more ridiculous questions. "Like... an immortal one? Or..?"
"You've met me before," Kita reminded him, "though it was just once and you were little, so it's not that much of a surprise if you can't tell by now."
"I-I know that, but I just can't wrap my head around it!" Atsumu ran his fingers through his black hair. "I mean - it feels like you're some spirit, or deity, or god, or something!"
"Well, you aren't too far off the mark," he says, simply.
"So you are?" Atsumu asked, pressing further into the issue. "A spirit, I mean, or something. I'm... not seeing a ghost, am I?"
Kita had an amused smile on his face. "Haha. Not really. You're not hallucinating things, nor seeing a ghost. It's just that..." Kita paused. How should he phrase this next line? "Not everyone sees me. Or remembers me, for that matter."
Atsumu gave him a pitiful look. "Ah... I'm sorry," was all he could think of saying. Though, there was something about Kita that made his heart twist in terrible ways. He doesn't know why. He doesn't get why. Part of him... wanted to do much more for Kita. Part of him wanted to take Kita to different places. Part of him... genuinely wanted to be friends with Kita.
I never wished to be someone's genuine friend before.
"Why are you sorry? I've been doing perfectly fine by myself all these years," Kita lied. "It's normal for people to... y'know, just come and go."
Atsumu replied to that by shaking his head. "No, Kita, this is wrong," the middle schooler said, looking at Kita's dark, intelligent eyes with resolve. "Nobody deserves to be alone." Atsumu's voice sounded sure. Maybe because he is.
"I appreciate the sentiment," Kita's eyes couldn't keep up with Atsumu's gaze and he was the first to look away. "B-But, the fireworks show is starting soon," the deity stuttered as he said those words. "You should go."
Atsumu glanced at his wristwatch again. 6:26 PM. Only four more minutes. He had many options about what he should do in the next four minutes. He could choose to go back to his team and brother and watch the fireworks with them, choose to go home first, or he could choose to stay with Kita and talk about more things. There's so many things he doesn't know about Kita, and was confused himself why he was interested.
Atsumu's mind has already made up, though. He chose to stay with Kita. To watch fireworks with him. To be his friend.
Nobody deserves to be alone. While thinking of those words, Atsumu never left Kita's side the entire night, until he accidentally fell asleep. Of course Kita was gone the next morning, which left Atsumu questioning whether everything last night was real, and Osamu found him sleeping on the grass in the grove behind the festival. When Atsumu told his twin brother about the encounter, the latter only responded that he must have been dreaming. Their coach gave him a long lecture about his actions, but all he could remember as he endured hours of sermons was the soft smile of a friend he made.
-
The third and last time they met, Atsumu was in his third and final year of high school.
He clearly remembers the bitter defeat Inarizaki High had experienced after playing against a rising powerhouse school named "Karasuno" during the spring of his second year. He tried to push it all behind him, because Inarizaki High taught him that they didn't need memories. They learned, and moved on. Simple.
This time, Atsumu decided to come to the summer festival alone. It's been a long while since he's went to one. Atsumu never knew loneliness. All throughout his life, he had someone to turn to for company. He had his Inarizaki teammates. He had his twin brother, who he loved more than he dared to admit. Atsumu was sure Osamu felt the same way about him too. The reason why he went alone tonight was because something in his chest told him so. He even lied to Osamu that he'd be visiting some girl's house. That wasn't the first time he lied to his brother, but it was the first time it felt weird lying to him.
Summer festivals made Atsumu take trips down memory lane. He feels like something - or someone - is waiting for him, but all he could remember was a blurry face with gray hair. He couldn't even remember his name. Nobody gave him a reason to go to the summer festival tonight, since all of his teammates were busy. Osamu was looking for a university he could go to that focused on culinary arts. So he didn't get why he felt like he should. He just did.
On the other hand, Kita was hiding in the grove of trees again. He was playing with the paper lantern in his hands, his heart heavy for years.
Of course Atsumu would forget about him, just like all the kids who met him, became his friend, and promised to never forget him once they got older. Why did Kita think that Atsumu was any different?
The fox guardian deity held on to his lantern like a child clinging to its mother for warmth. He didn't want to be a deity anymore. He just... wanted to be human. He wanted people to remember him. He wanted people to appreciate his existence, and wanted to grow old with them. Every once in a while, when he would be seen by a kid, they would play together or just simply talk, and a warm feeling would envelop his chest. He loved it.
People forget him as they get older. In all honesty, he thought Atsumu would forget him after that one encounter with him when he was a small child, wearing that white yukata. Kita was surprised when they found each other again after Atsumu became a middle schooler. He was the first child who ever came to him twice. It was no surprise when Atsumu won't come back this year, as he had the previous time. Maybe it was time to move on again.
What was that school's motto again? The one Atsumu had been hoping to get into? Ah, Inarizaki High. "We don't need the memories."
Atsumu must be in high school now, Kita thinks. Did he get into Inarizaki High? How is he doing? I bet he must be surrounded by many people who care for him, at this moment. How lucky...
"Whew! Fireworks are almost starting soon! I'm glad I found this sweet viewing spot I bet no one knows about!"
Kita was disrupted from his thoughts and stood up from the grass instinctively. The disturbance was caused by a high schooler with golden blonde hair swept to the right side of his head. He had an undercut, and he was wearing a summer uniform - a short-sleeved button-down white top, and black pants. His backpack was slung over his shoulder, and one button on his uniform was unbuttoned. He looked a bit familiar. Kita chose to ignore him - this guy probably couldn't see him anyway.
"Oh! Are you here to see the fireworks too?" The high schooler turned his attention towards Kita. Once his eyes locked with Kita's, his smile instantly faltered. His throat felt dry. He was at a loss for words, and he was only able to croak out one name. "... Kita?"
Kita's tail stiffened as he felt chills pass through his body. He blinked twice, his eyebrows scrunched together in thought, trying to remember who this person was. "Who-"
"I-It's me! Atsumu Miya!" the student exclaimed. "We've met before! Two times, actually. I didn't think that you'd actually be here!" He took a step forwards toward Kita, and his eyes were a mixture of fear and relief and disappointment. "Don't you... remember me?"
Atsumu Miya, Kita clasped a hand over his lips and bit his fingers to stop himself from crying. Of course that effort was in vain. He's here. Kita had to take a deep breath, taking this all in. Atsumu is actually here.
"Kita-san?" Kita couldn't find the chance to speak. He wanted to. He wanted to say something... anything. How long has it been? Probably four, five or so years. Kita just stood there, looking at Atsumu, hands on his mouth, trying to stop the tears from falling. The paper lantern Kita had been clinging onto for warmth earlier had long been forgotten on the grass. Atsumu's eyes were a mixture of concern and worry.
"Kita, what-"
"No, stop. Atsumu, just please give me time to register all this..." Kita hid his face in his palm and looked away from Atsumu, averting his gaze. This is so embarrassing. A deity, crying in the presence of a mere mortal! Oh, how the other gods would laugh at him and ridicule him for this sort of-
"Are you crying because of me?" Atsumu stepped closer to Kita, and gripped his wrist softly, trying to take a look at his face. Kita didn't want to look at him. This was just so... overwhelming.
Kita shook his head, but he didn't try to release himself from Atsumu's grip. "No," he shook his head, before looking into Atsumu's eyes. Courage swelled in his chest, making him lose all sort of self-control as he said the next words, "I just felt so happy you remember me! Do you know how many years I've spent just wandering about and watching over children? It's painful to become friends with them because eventually, they all forget me. No one remembers me a second time, so having you here, calling my name, meeting me a third time, and remembering me, made me so so so..." Kita looked at the ground beneath him, and gripped Atsumu's arms for support, trying not to crumble in front of him. "... Happy."
Atsumu blinked at Kita. Then, he burst into peals of laughter - not the mocking kind, but the "oh-God-this-situation-is-so-amazing-I-can't-help-but-laugh" kind. The high schooler patted Kita's head and gave him a smile. "Oh, Kita! Of course I won't forget you! I'm really sorry for not coming to this summer festival the past few years, though. But isn't it funny?"
"What's funny?"
Atsumu released a short chuckle. "How we keep coming back to each other, y'know?"
Atsumu didn't want to admit that he too was scared. He didn't want to forget Kita. Who would want to... after seeing him so vulnerable like that? But something was wrong. Something inside Atsumu told him that this wasn't right. Why would it not be right? Why can't he just choose to ignore this and focus on Kita only inches away from him?
"Please don't leave me," Kita pleaded to Atsumu, his voice cracking. The tears that were falling had stopped, but sadness was still etched in his voice. "I don't want you to forget me."
Atsumu kissed the deity's forehead in assurance. "I won't," he told Kita, "I promise, I will never forget you."
We don't need the memories. The words in Inarizaki High's banner rang in his head. Fuck that school motto. People can choose to learn and move on, but Atsumu wanted to cling on to the past just a little bit longer. Even if it was just for a little bit longer.
In the dark, amidst the trees in the middle of August, Atsumu and Kita only has each other's company. The high schooler held Kita in a close embrace, while Kita rested his head on Atsumu's chest held on to his arms for support. No words were shared in the moment. Because all they needed was each other - and now that they both had it, that was enough.
"Hey, so that you remember to come back for me next year..." Kita took off the fox mask resting at one side of his head and pressed it to Atsumu's chest. "You can have this. It's just a simple reminder that this grove is where I'm bound to. That you can always find me here. That I'm real."
Atsumu cook the mask and ran his fingers over it. "Kita, I... this has been yours for several years now," he said, looking at him unsurely, "are you sure you'll be okay if you just gave it to me?"
"All the more reason why it should be yours," Kita offered him a small smile. "I know you'll come back. Just like the Atsumu Miya you always have been."
"I... I don't know what to say-"
"Shhh," Kita pressed a finger to his lips to shush the student and pointed to the sky. He didn't even notice their fingers interlock, falling into a perfect fit. Then again, neither did Atsumu, and besides - both of them wouldn't even give a damn about it. "The fireworks display is starting soon,” he told Atsumu.
-
Every once in a while, twenty-three year old Atsumu would wake up crying, and he never once knew why. He woke up in the middle of a summer night, sweating hard, his tears falling down his cheeks. A fox mask was displayed in the middle of his wall next to his calendar, and he didn’t know why. Osamu had already told him countless times before to throw it away since it wasn’t needed, but Atsumu never agreed once. It wasn’t like that fox mask was anything special - it just felt like it belonged to someone he knew. Someone he couldn’t remember.
Someone he hadn’t seen in years.
Kita should’ve know better.
Kita should’ve expected this. How was Atsumu any different from all the rest? No matter how hard people tried to remember, he would always be forgotten by others. Nobody remembers him. Nobody sees him. They all think of him as some god in a shrine, holding festivals every year. Atsumu was just lucky to encounter him three times.
We don’t need the memories indeed.