Chapter Text
[18:02]
#general
Key Tucker: so, it's been real quiet lately, so I'm just wondering if the REDs did some fuckshit or not
Colonel Sarge is typing...
Key Tucker: i have sarge blocked so lmao go ahead, say whatever
Pvt. Donut: ya know, words hurt tucker :(
Key Tucker: and so does my dick during this dry spell, what of it
AdMIN Washington: Tucker, I'm this close to confiscating your login information. This is supposed to be a professional server. Nothing more, or less.
Key Tucker: what I'm hearing is that you don't want me hornyposting on main. But when I asked for an nsfw channel you said no so here we are
AdMIN Washington: Once again, this is your company account. You do realize that DIME Corps reads everything you send
Key Tucker: ok.
AdMIN Washington: Just ok?
Key Tucker: yeah. I hope they enjoy our bullshit. That's all
Pvt. Donut: wait wash, they can see everything?
Key Tucker: also I don't take shit from someone who has MINE in their name, back it up Steve go craft something
AdMIN Washington: Yes, Donut, everything.
Pvt. Donut: Including private dm's?
AdMIN Washington: Yes.
Pvt. Donut: brb
Key Tucker: ????? Donut what lmao???
AdMIN Washington: You know what, I'm not the leader of his division I'm not even gonna ask.
Key Tucker: @SEO-Donut-10 please please please say you were sexting someone on a company account please please please
AdMIN Washington: Tucker that's highly inappropriate, stop.
Key Tucker: hey, it's not my fault today's boring as hell. What the fuck do you want me to do? My tasks?
AdMIN Washington: Yes.
AdMIN Carolina: Yes.
Key Tucker: Well golly, sorry that's some attitude :/
AdMIN Washington: I would have resigned by now if I was allowed to.
Pvt. Caboose: wash, tucker is typing in the server
AdMIN Washington: Thank you Caboose.
Key Tucker: Caboose to send that message you also had to type in the server
Pvt. Caboose is offline.
Key Tucker: we're literally in the same room, I'm just gonna say the same thing but irl instead
Colonel Sarge: Listen here BLUE, unlike you despicable nuisances that have the absolute audacity! to call yourselves SEO's, us here RED's do not cause problems. Never have and never will.
Pvt. Donut: Sarge why did it take you so long to type that?
Key Tucker: ok bet
Colonel Sarge: I have created a list of every mistake you godless BLUE's have made since I had the misfortune of meeting you
Key Tucker: you guys have logbooks for problems you guys cause on PURPOSE most of our stuff is what most people would call 'accidents' and 'mistakes'
Colonel Sarge is typing...
Key Tucker: here we go again
AdMIN Carolina: Don't try arguing, Sarge, I'm the one who has to fill out the accident reports.
AdMIN Washington: Ok, after contemplating Tucker's initial message, I agree, it has been too quiet, where are Grif and Simmons.
Key Tucker: HAH. vindication tastes as sweet as some WAP
Pvt. Caboose: warm apple pie is sweet yes
AdMIN Washington: @SEO-Simmons-10 I know you're more likely to respond than Grif, how is your assignment going so far?
Key Tucker: yeah, tell us how Grif is slacking off lmao, I need some sort of drama to keep me going
[18:34]
AdMIN Washington: Ok, just a thought, maybe something is wrong, it does not take this long for Simmons to respond to a commanding officer.
Key Tucker: or maybe they're banging, and aren't to be interrupted. where were they positioned?
AdMIN Carolina: They had Storage Unit Zeta patrol duty today.
Key Tucker: fucking in the storage unit, what kinda kinks will they sure today.
AdMIN Washington: Tucker knock it off.
Key Tucker: bitch >:(
pilot grif is online.
#status-report
pilot grif: [1 attachment: IOS349.jpeg]
Key Tucker: bruh.
Pvt. Donut: uh, what??
AdMIN Carolina: @SEO-Grif-10 Explain. Now.
pilot grif: pretend like you you told usto go or simms and i might die ok bye
AdMIN Carolina: That is not an explanation.
Key Tucker: hello???? what????
AdMIN Carolina: I'm going to radio in too you and if you don't answer I will personally ensure your death.
Key Tucker: he really just snapped a pic and fucking dipped wow
Pvt. Donut: and he made such a rude gesture too
AdMIN Washington: @all Just got word from the Board of Directors, all SEO personnel are to head towards the barracks to take roll. Two inmates from the Chorus Penitentiary, designations Locus-X and Felix-Z, have escaped and infiltrated DIME Corps. The Breach has just been reported.
Key Tucker: woah woah wait wtf
AdMIN Carolina: I'm going to string them up by their fucking necks.
Key Tucker: hold on, carolina what's going on???
AdMIN Carolina: No point in hiding it considering this is a company server. From this point going forward all information regarding the whereabouts of Grif and Simmons is now confidential. Considering they're pulling my arm with their idiotic actions, I as AdMIN of the Residential Enforcement Division, give SEO Grif-10 and SEO Simmons-10 express permission to track down criminals Locus-X and Felix-Z.
Key Tucker: i can hear the anger brimming in your voice
AdMIN Washington: Oh yeah, she's fucking pissed.
Key Tucker: ok so, we can all talk in person when we get to the barracks but grif if you see this, you are both an idiot and iconic
[22:47]
#general
Captain Simmons: GRIF THAT IS NOT WHAT I FUCKING MEANT WHEN SAYING TO INFORM CAROLINA AND ASK HER FOR HER PERMISSION
pilot grif: k