Chapter Text
His head hurt.
Well.. “hurt” was a strong word, it wasn’t like he had a migraine. Yet, anyway. It was just a pain across his forehead and temples, moving back and settling like dust, like mystic shards dissolving into the air, like echoes inside the tunnels, vibrations of clashes and clangs of metal on walls, on wires, on weapons-
No. No, no, no, Donnie was not doing that.
He groaned, sitting up and immediately putting one hand to his forehead. His room laid calmly around him, quiet despite needing some repairs; he had made sure of that when he woke up heaving, struggling for breath, moving his bare shell against anything close and reaching for tech long gone. The wall was cold and uncaring as he almost hyperventilated, trying to remember anything about what caused this reaction and only receiving blind terror in return. It took him.. 15? 20? some amount of minutes to get his breathing relatively under control and another few to realize what had happened.
A night terror. Another night terror, actually. His brothers have nightmares (he knows this, recognizes the flash of panic when he finds them wandering at night, though he never pushed them to talk), but he’s different. Of course Donnie is different, it’s always been like that- even with his stupid night terrors.
His eyes move up, catching on the ceiling. There are white particles dancing across his vision, fleeing to the edges of his sight and mocking his attempts to focus on them. Eventually he gives up, laying back down.
His head still hurts, and there’s a whirring noise in the background. His technology was humming a constant sound and it’s so familiar and comforting and so, so annoying. It sounds like home, but home was destroyed and rebuilt, dragging the remnants of a battle nobody talks about but everybody remembers to the side and doing their best to move on. It’s not working, God, it’s not working, and he can’t stand that continuous sound, like whatever was holding Shredder together as they tried and tried and tried-
A bright burst of pain in the side of his head made him gasp and he bolted upright, clutching his head again. He had to get out, he had to get out, it was too much, overwhelming, and he just-
He feels his feet hit the ground and suddenly he’s walking, nearly tumbling, looking for somewhere, anywhere he can sit down and just breathe. That battle was over, it was over, he couldn’t do anything to change it and he knew that, but fire still lined his chest and that inconvenient headache began to get much worse.
Donnie eventually stopped, though, in a room darker than the others and moved beside the single chair. No one was there and he realized how absolutely thankful he was. He sat down against the arm of the chair and, while it wasn’t extremely comfortable, all he could see was black and that helped bring down the sensation of pulsing, of thudding, of slamming again and again and again. His hands came up to his chest and he was breathing heavily again, sharp inhales and choked exhales that made even the darkness look blurry.
He wished he had nightmares. He wished he had nightmares because if he knew the problem he could fix it, right? That’s what Donnie did, that’s what he was good for- creating convoluted, technological solutions that sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t work and did almost nothing while his brothers were almost being murdered. And if he knew what was causing him to wake up choking and sobbing at 3 am, he could find something to fix it.
But instead of, you know, being like everyone else, he had flashes of pure panic, the urge to run and claw and hide and cry because this was it, he was going to die, and he couldn’t even remember if his brothers were okay.
A line of pain bloomed in his head and it was almost like he could visualize it, that red ink creeping across, bleeding agony along the right part of his skull. He wanted it to stop, the pain and the panic and the burning in his eyes. All he could think about was that this was wrong, it was wrong but memories of the team failing ran through his mind, the sensations overwhelming and real. A sound distantly registered, a crack that sounded like stone crumbling under weight and all he could do was curl smaller.
He was going to die. He was going to die.
He was going to die.
The realization hit him hard, and he couldn’t even find out if he was breathing or not because that pain spiked, bursts of pain beneath the skin like paint across mikey’s walls and portals scattered in vain attempts to escape and mystic energy moving, forming, growing.
It was all he could focus on.
---
Donnie didn’t wake with a start. He didn’t wake with terror gripping him like.. well, every enemy ever. He woke up with a finger prodding his cheek and Leo’s voice, slightly distant as he slowly opened his eyes.
“Donnie. Donnie. Don-nie, are you dead?”
It took him a few moments to register what Leo had said, but when it did his eyes flew open and he tensed hard. He didn’t mean to, but it caused his brother to pull back, joking expression changing to confused and finally concerned. Fuck.
He had looked down but, man, he could feel Leo’s eyes boring into him. “Dude, are you okay? I was messing around, I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”
His chest ached and his throat was raw, but there was no way he was going to tell Leo what had happened the night before. He couldn’t, didn’t know how. He opened his mouth to respond, but only was able to reply with a rasped “I..”
A few seconds passed, and when Donnie glanced up, the blatant worry was enough to kickstart his excuse. He cleared his throat. “.. of course I am, just wanted a change of scenery.” He brought his head up and hoped that his expression didn’t look as terrified as he felt. “You know, dear brother, being on your phone in the same place does get old.”
Leo’s expression didn’t look worried anymore, changing to confusion instead. “So.. you were on your phone.. on the floor, leaning against the chair?” He raised an eyebrow, looking over the scene again.
“Ah, brother,” Donnie said, beginning to stand up. “There are many ways to sit in a chair. Or sit using a chair.” He looked over, feigning his “you know I’m right” grin. “You just have to be creative. And a genius, like moi.”
He crossed his arm, watching Leo shake his head and raise as well. “You know, I’m pretty sure Mikey did that first. I guess you’re having your genius card revoked.”
Even standing with his arms crossed, Donnie’s hands and jaw were clenched hard. He wanted to leave before more questions were asked. “Scoff. I guess I better go retrieve it from my room, then.” He said dramatically, moving a little too quickly around Leo. “Actually, I’ll give it to him tomorrow! It’s too early anyway, I’m going back to bed.”
Leo turned with him and took a step forward. “Wait, Donnie-”
“Bye!”
The door shut behind his brother, and Leo faintly heard the footsteps move down the hallway. He sighed, turning back to where he’d found Donnie passed out, legs up to his chest and head leaning on the arm of the chair. It was weird, for sure. Usually, Donnie was in the chair watching tv regardless of the hour, but the tv was off along with the lights and there was no blanket in sight.
He only went looking for his twin because he wasn’t in his room. Leo had a routine: Wake up, check to make sure everybody was good, and then start his day. Except one of them was not good, a blanket thrown on the floor and a phone on charge nearby with no sign of the owner.
Donnie was lying about being on his phone, and both of them knew it.
Leo sighed again, this one more heavy, and sat back in the tv chair. He knows Donnie doesn’t like to talk, but he was worried. Really worried, especially considering that Donnie never leaves his phone behind. Even on missions, he still somehow finds time to grab it. He doesn’t know what would make his brother leave it behind, fall asleep against a chair and then try to lie about it.
After a moment, he glanced at the door. Donnie wouldn’t let him in unless he wanted to, so Leo couldn’t go ask him right now. And, after how quickly he ran off, Leo wanted to give him some space.
Whatever happened, he’d find out. But for now, Donnie deserved some sleep. He looked exhausted.