Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[11:41 PM] dazai created a chat 

[11:41 PM] dazai added RANpoe

[11:42 PM] dazai added kenji

kenji: ROBLOX ROBLOX ROBLOX WHAT R WE PLAYING

[11:42 PM] dazai named the chat 'roblox'

RANpoe: murder mystery >:)

dazai: fuck that 

dazai: you're terrifyingly good at that game

dazai: it's not even fun anymore, you always win :(

RANpoe: i won't apologize for my genius 

kenji: BARK BARK BARK 

dazai:  sprays with water

dazai: BAD 

kenji: HAHHAHAHA

kenji: hm

kenji: what about arsenal :0

RANpoe: guns

RANpoe: pew pew pew

dazai: pa pa pa

kenji: BARK BARK BARK BARK GRRR

RANpoe: STOP BARKING HABHDAHJD

dazai: i'm gonna add atsushi :D

RANpoe: why

RANpoe: i thought this was for the bros </3

kenji: omg,,,

kenji: we are the bros,,,,,,,

RANpoe: buddies!

kenji: bros!

RANpoe: homies!

kenji: amigos!

RANpoe: pizza!

kenji: nintendo!

dazai: WOO WOO WOO LET'S GO

RANpoe: woo woo woo, let's go!

RANpoe: DAMMIT

dazai: too slow :)

kenji: i'm on blue team btw! join me :D

RANpoe: ok

dazai: ok !

dazai: are you all available to call? 

RANpoe: that's a good idea

RANpoe: i can call

dazai: @kenji

kenji: huh

kenji: oh! yes, i can call :D

kenji: i just have to be a little quiet because my parents are asleep 

dazai: works for me

[11:56] dazai started a call

[11:56] kenji joined the call

[11:56] RANpoe joined the call

[2:41 AM] dazai added kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

dazai: @kunikida

kunikida: GOD WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT.

kunikida: DAZAI IT IS 3 IN THE MORNING, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT.

kunikida: HOW FUCKING IMPORTANT IS IT?

kunkida: ARE YOU DYING?

kunikida: DID YOUR HOUSE BURN DOWN?

kunikida: WHAT?

dazai: 1 image attachment

dazai: ranpo is bullying me on roblox :(

dazai: he said the f word :(((

kunikida: you're joking. 

kunikida: no. i am going back to sleep.

kenji: RANPO R U OK UR HYPERVENTILATING ??

RANpoe: HABDAUSHD 

kunikida: not my problem. let me sleep.

kunikida: i'm still young, yet the three of you give me wrinkles and grey hair.

dazai: *gray

kunikida: does it matter? really?

dazai: this is a very sensitive subject that i feel strongly about.

kunikida: fucking go to sleep.

dazai: goodnight ~~

kunikida: shut up.

[3:21 AM] kenji left the call

RANpoe: gn kenji 

RANpoe: sorry you got yelled at ashgdahsd

kenji: ah it's ok :D 

kenji: i had fun! we should play again!

dazai: of course :)

dazai: now go to sleep kenji

kenji: okay!

[4:20 AM] RANpoe left the call

[4:20 AM] dazai ended the call

RANpoe: BLAZE IT

dazai: BLAZE IT

dazai: FUCK. 

RANpoe: HAHA

dazai: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET

--

[7:30 AM]  roblox

kunikida: did you seriously stay up until 4:20 AM just to make a weed joke?

RANpoe: you underestimate the lengths we would go for a weed joke.

kunikida: ominous. 

kenji: where's dazai? 

RANpoe: oversleeping.

kunikida: ^^

kunikida: are you two not tired?

kenji: not at all!

RANpoe: i'm used to staying up, poe stays up late to write and i stay up with him.

kunikida: poe?

RANpoe: yeah! that's his name.

kunikida: not really what i was asking, but i'll take it. 

[9:12 AM] dazai added chuuya

kenji: hi!

kenji: welcome!

chuuya: what the fuck

[9:12 AM] dazai changed chuuya's name to chibi

chibi: FUCK YOU

chibi: EAT SHIT AND DIE ASSHOLE

dazai: you're so mean to me :'(

kunikida: who's this?

dazai: this is chuuya ^^

dazai: i was telling him about our fun night and he was hooked!

dazai: he said he wanted to join the discord!

chibi: LIAR

chibi: I SAID "leave me out of it or i'll break your arm"

chibi: THE FUCKING OPPOSITE YOU SMOOTH BRAINED WASTE OF SPACE

kunikida: ah, another one who dazai is responsible for the grey hairs of.

chibi: he's responsible for the grey hairs of everyone. 

kenji: hi i'm kenji :0

chibi: oh hey

chibi: who's the other guy

RANpoe: you haven't heard of me?

RANpoe: you must live under a rock.

chibi: nevermind.

chibi: heard you were very smart,

RANpoe: that i am, i am the smartest.

kunikida: you're feeding his ego, stop it.

RANpoe: nobody is smarter than me!!!

kunikida: we've lost him.

chibi: @dazai isn't there another guy you're always around?

dazai: hm? i don't recalll.

chibi: the one with the weird bangs

dazai: oh!! atsushi!

dazai: i didn't realize you were so eager to meet my friends, chibi <3

chibi: FORGET I ASKED WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

[9:26 AM] dazai added atsushi

atsushi: what's wrong with my bangs?

RANpoe: HASGDAVSGVD

chibi: i never said they were bad, just weird

dazai: chibi wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings!

chibi: you're the exception you almond headed bastard 

dazai: oh, i'm wounded!

[9:28 AM] dazai changed atsushi's name to catboy

kenji: cats!

catboy: you grow up reading warrior cats and now you're tormented for life.

chibi: FUCK warrior cats 

chibi: if i saw a bitch reading warrior cats i'd start swinging with no hesitation

chibi: hate me an 'airplanes' warrior cats animatic bitch

catboy: I ONLY READ THE BOOKS!!!!

dazai: we love you for who you are, atsushi!

dazai: you don't need to lie around us <3 

kenji: yeah!!!! we love you atsushi!

kunikida: no you should lie

chibi: ^^

catboy: i hate it here. 

catboy: i fucking hate it.

catboy: i have been here for 4 minutes and i hate it. 

dazai: awwwwh you don't mean that <3

chibi: no, he means it, and i agree with him.

kunikida: i as well.

kenji: :(

chibi: join us, kenji

kenji: okay! :D

dazai: THAT'S NOT FAIR

dazai: YOU CAN'T STEAL MY COMRADES

dazai: KENJI WHY

kenji: he has a cool hat!

chibi: you've met me before?

kenji: one time! in the halls! i remember your hat and i always see you arguing with dazai :)

chibi: oh wow

dazai: YOU'RE STEALING MY FRIENDS YOU CAN'T DO THAT

chibi: just did

dazai: at least i have ranpo! as long as i have him, you all are no match!

RANpoe: mmmm

kunikida: ranpo you know what you should do

dazai: ranpo!! don't leave meeeeee </3

RANpoe: it's nothing personal 

dazai: it's so personal!!!

chibi: HELL YEAH FUCK DAZAI CLUB

Chapter Text

roblox

[3:12 PM] kenji added tanizaki

kenji: i added tanizaki i hope that's ok!!!!

dazai: of course! the more the merrier! <3

chibi: welcome to hell

kunikida: leave before you get scarred.

catboy: hi!

catboy: i'm begging you to change my name.

tanizaki: i

tanizaki: i'm scared

kenji: don't be :D

kunikida: @kenji you weren't at school today, you missed a lot

kenji: yeah i got sick :(

chibi: are you ok?

kenji: yeah!

tanizaki: he's just stupid.

tanizaki: i found him licking things he pulled out of the dirt

tanizaki: i asked him what he's doing and apparently when you lick a dinosaur bone your tongue sticks to it so

tanizaki: he really wants to find a dinosaur bone

kunikida: that's stupid

RANpoe: that's genius

catboy: i hope this guy in my class likes dinosaur bones and does that then catches a disease then dies

chibi: god damn

dazai: oh? sushi has a crush?

kunikida: that sounds like a crush to you?

tanizaki: narrows eyes at chuuya

chibi: MFSJDHFNJKS I'LL FUCKING MOP THE FLOOR WITH YOUR ASS

tanizaki: you don't even know what i look like

chibi: i'll just beat up everyone and hope it's you

catboy: 1 image attachment

catboy: god fucking look at him

catboy: he's such an asshole he's always glaring at me and directing snarky remarks at me

catboy: i want to kill him

catboy: he probably listens to panic at the disco

catboy: why does he dress like connor murphy and a gay 1800s vampire at the same time

dazai: you think it's hot

catboy: the only thing hot about him are my fantasies of him burning alive in lava

dazai: @chibi look at them. young love

chibi: the fuck???

tanizaki: @catboy no swearing in front of kenji >:(

RANpoe: there's no point in trying to restrict it

RANpoe: chuuya's in here

chibi: the fuck does that mean

dazai: ^^

kunikida: ^^

RANpoe: ^^

catboy: ^^

chibi: @catboy

chibi: that's my friend

catboy: emo boy?

chibi: yeah

catboy: i hate him

dazai: ooooh this will be fun ~

[3:29 PM] dazai added akutagawa

catboy: nobody's laughing

RANpoe: i am

tanizaki: i,, i am.

kunikida: dear god

akutagawa: why am i in a chat with a moron

kunikida: that could be referring to any one of us

akutagawa: you all seem fairly decent from reading everything 

akutagawa: i am referring specifically to @catboy

catboy: fuck you

akutagawa: fuck you

chibi: you're forgetting that dazai is also a moron

kunikida: rt

tanizaki: rt

RANpoe: rt

kenji: i want to be nice but i also want to join, no offense dazai!

kenji: rt

dazai: none taken, thanks kenji.

dazai: but my little chuuya thinks i'm a moron </3

akutagawa: i don't think you're a moron

catboy: @akutagawa that just proves that YOURE a moron

catboy: moron

kunikida: wait 

kunikida: "my little chuuya"

catboy: woah wait

catboy: are you two dating?

chibi: FUCK THAT

dazai: i'm not gay, and even if i was, i'm so far out of chibi's league 

chibi: shut the fuck up I'M out of YOUR league 

dazai: whatever helps chuuya sleep at night! 

tanizaki: you're not gay?

dazai: nope!

chibi: bullshit

RANpoe: posts that make you go hm....

dazai: i'm straight, do you not see all my fangirls?

kunikida: @RANpoe

RANpoe: i know

kenji: crunchy 

tanizaki: what

tanizaki: KENJI WHAT

kunikida: kenji stop eating dirt for the love of everything holy

tanizaki: ARE YOU EATING DIRT AGAIN?

kenji: yes :D

akutagawa: he's not even going to try to deny it

akutagawa: Q ate dirt a lot

chibi: the difference is that Q is 13 and kenji is 14. thats a whole year difference but they both eat dirt.

dazai: awh i forgot about q

catboy: who's Q?

akutagawa: whats it to you

catboy: MF IM JUST ASKING A QUESTION

chibi: Q is this kid that dazai, aku, and i used to babysit / hang out with because their parents are pieces of shit

chibi: though it's mostly dazai and i who provide an entertaining hang out.

chibi: the only reason aku knows Q is because they're neighbors and Q occasionally invites themselves over to torment akutagawa

tanizaki: good to see we aren't alone in having chaotic children

kenji: woah :0 i wanna meet q

kunikida: that would be the end of the world.

chibi: Q is a little rough when it comes to playing with others. their parents kinda neglect them because they're very troublesome 

chibi: i swear we're the only ones who can handle Q and who gives them attention

chibi: Q deserves better :/ 

tanizaki: why are we shit talking a 13 year old

RANpoe: kenji's chaos is more innocent and oblivious. he doesn't have a bad bone in his body, he's just extraordinarily curious about everything 

kenji: aw thanks ranpo!!!

RANpoe: not sure if that was a compliment, it was just facts. but you're welcome ^^

[3:59 PM] dazai granted admin to chibi

[4:00 PM] chibi changed catboy's name to sushi

[4:00 PM] dazai removed admin from chibi

chibi: FUCK

sushi: WOAH THANKS CHUUYA

chibi: FUCKER 

chibi: GOD DAMN IT

chibi: you're welcome atsushi

akutagawa: what,, happened

sushi: figure it out

chibi: i managed to take dazai's phone, but i didn't get the chance to change my own nickname

dazai: does chibi not like his nickname? i came up with it all by myself </3

chibi: no

chibi: i fucking hate it

chibi: just like i hate you

dazai: you're hurting my feelings :(

chibi: good

tanizaki: um so @kenji i'm gonna stop by real soon ok? 

tanizaki: i'm worried

kenji: ok! :D

chibi: how is kenji not dead

kunikida: i've dwelled on that question long enough to learn to accept the probability of kenji not being human

RANpoe: are we gonna play more roblox tonight?

dazai: we should!

dazai: @chibi it's so much fun!

chibi: maybe. we'll see.

sushi: sure!

tanizaki: ^

kenji: ^

akutagawa: ^

sushi: get your own message

akutagawa: fuck you

sushi: fuck you

Chapter Text

roblox

[10:59 PM] dazai started a call

[10:59 PM] sushi joined the call

dazai: oh wow i didn't even say anything

dazai: @everyone it's roblox time!!! join the call :) 

kunikida: no

dazai: aw you're so lame, kunikida

[11:00 PM] kenji joined the call

[11:00 PM] tanizaki joined the call

[11:04 PM] akutagawa joined the call

chibi: i'll join but i can't talk. 

[11:23 PM] chibi joined the call

chibi: oi what the fuck

chibi: BRUH WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT 

chibi: DAZAI STOP

chibi: MACKAREL 

chibi: IM GOING TO HURT YOU

chibi: ASSHOLE

chibi: is anyone going to stop aku and atsushi

chibi: they've been screaming at each other for the past 20 minutes

chibi: DID YOU JUST MUTE AKUTAGAWA ASJFHAJNF

[11:51 PM] akutagawa left the call

akutagawa: i'll be back, i apologize

chibi: everything ok?

akutagawa: yh

chibi: dazai nobody wants to know your secrets to rock paper scissors

chibi: i don't know what i was expecting but it definitely wasn't that wtf mackerel

chibi: kenji's on the call

chibi: spare him

chibi: i hate you all 

chibi: except kenji 

chibi: ok 

chibi: who asked

chibi: dazai who the fuck asked fucking show me

chibi: DAZAI'S CHEATING

chibi: BULLSHIT

chibi: IF ANYONE KNOWS ABOUT YOUR "MAD SKILLZ" ITS ME AND YOU DONT HAVE MAD SKILLZ

[12:19 AM] akutagawa joined the call

chibi: @kenji you're playing the game wrong, i'll help you, just follow me

kenji: ok! thanks!

chibi: yeah sure

chibi: dazai shut up 

chibi: fuck you too

chibi: go swallow some pins and die for me 

chibi: can you go die for me

chibi: yes that would make me very happy

chibi: who the fuck is yuki 

chibi: if dazai makes one more sigma joke 

chibi: i don't like sigma sorry yeah his hair is cool but idk

chibi: he got the bad vibes

chibi: dazai can you shut up 

chibi: oi

chibi: shut up

kunikida: i'm not sure what's going on but i agree with chuuya.

chibi: dazai is making sigma balls jokes

kunikida: as expected. 

chibi: STOSPDFSIDNF

chibi: yes i keysmashed

chibi: what the fuck is wrong with keysmashing?

chibi: WDYM SUS??? WHAT AM I SUS OF BEING?????

chibi: swag

chibi: yeah dazai and i are swag

chibi: in middle school dazai and i were the Dynamic Duo

chibi: swag

chibi: of course i hated him but we were immaculate

chibi: dazai shut up

chibi: take a shot every time someone tells dazai to shut up

RANpoe: oops im late

[1:21 AM] RANpoe joined the call

chibi: i KNOW i did not hear tanizaki and ranpo say poggers

chibi: i'm leaving

chibi: ranpo shut up

chibi: i don't know what you're talking about

chibi: yeah gn guys

chibi: dazai shut up

[1:27 AM] chibi left the call

[1:54 AM] akutagawa left the call

[2:43 AM] tanizaki left the call

[2:44 AM] sushi left the call

[3:54 AM] kenji left the call

[6:12 AM] RANpo left the call

[6:12 AM] dazai ended the call

[7:30 AM] roblox

kunikida: holy shit

kunikida: did you two seriously pull an all nighter

dazai: yes

ranpo: yes

chibi: we learned a lot about each other last night

chibi: more specifically that atsushi is more foul-mouthed than we think

sushi: also akutagawa is homophobic 

akutagawa: oh my god

akutagawa: this again?

sushi: i don't tolerate homophobia

akutagawa: I DON'T HATE GAY PEOPLE

akutagawa: I'M PRETTY SURE ALL OF US ARE GAY

sushi: suspicious...

dazai: i'm not gay

chibi: yes, dazai, we get it, you're straight

dazai: it's something i take pride in

akutagawa: how am i suspicious?

sushi: answer the question: do you hate gay people

akutagawa: I AM GAY

sushi: see he's avoiding the question

akutagawa: oh my god you are the bane of my existence

sushi: if you were dead you wouldn't have to worry about me being the bane of my existence

kunkida: it's too early for this, someone change the subject

RANpoe: dazai can you add poe 

dazai: oh sure

[7:38 AM] dazai added ranPOE

kenji: WOAH YOU TWO HAVE MATCHING USERNAMES THATS SO CUTE

chibi: welcome to hell

dazai: chibi, you already used that when i added tanizaki. running out of ideas, are you?

chibi: i'm gonna hit you

dazai: do so

kunikida: who's ranPOE

RANpoe: that's poe

kunkida: yes we understand that

kunkida: but who is he

RANpoe: poe

ranPOE: hi

kunikida: state your name and business

chibi: jesus leave him alone

RANpoe: that's poe

tanizaki: yeah honestly kunikida he has said that's poe like 50 times

kunikida:  no i KNOW he's poe but who IS poe

RANpoe: poe

kenji: that's poe!

kunikida: it is too fucking early for this.

kunikida: too fucking early.

ranPOE: i'm ranpo's boyfriend 

dazai: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

kenji: nice to meet you poe :D 

sushi: let us know if akutagawa bothers you, he's homophobic

akutagawa: shut up jinko

sushi: THE TIGER WAS THE ONLY ONE LEFT I HAD NO CHOICE

dazai: from the warrior cats, the tiger avatar, i'm honestly debating changing your name back to catboy

sushi: please no i'll cry

akutagawa: or jinko

sushi: i'd take jinko over catboy in all honestly

chibi: this is probably the worst first impression, i'm so sorry, poe

ranPOE: yeah

tanizaki: HE JUST SAID 'YEAH' AUHSDIAUSHFDAOUFUSDFHI

dazai: AHHAAHAHAHA

kunikida: please don't associate me with them too much

ranPOE: i won't

tanizaki: wow you two are like. opposites

RANpoe: what do you mean?

tanizaki: idk like. ranpo's very loud and eccentric and from what i know about you, you're shy and quiet

chuuya: five minutes in and tanizaki is psychoanalyzing people

kenji: WAIT POE 

kenji: EDGAR ALLEN POE

ranPOE: yea?

kenji: IVE READ SOME OF YOUR WORKS IN THE LIBRARY

kenji: YOUR MYSTERY NOVELS ARE SO GOOD I NEVER SOLVE THEM THEY'RE SO HARD

ranPOE: aah thank you

RANpoe: YEAH POE YOU'RE TALENTED!!!

RANpoe: i can solve them very fast, but it's been getting harder little by little 

RANpoe: that's expected from the number one student in the school though (me)

RANpoe: but you're improving and i'm proud of you!

kunikida: you write?

ranPOE: on my spare time, yes.

ranPOE: it's something i enjoy

chibi: that's pretty cool 

dazai: ^ 

akutagawa: i'd like to read one of your works sometime, if that's alright.

ranPOE: i don't mind

kenji: @akutagawa i have one, i can lend it to you!

akutagawa: thank you.

kenji: no problem :D

dazai: aw look at us

dazai: all getting along

chibi: dazai is throwing rocks at my window right now

sushi: w

sushi: why???

dazai: it's romantic

sushi: .

sushi: and you're straight

dazai: yep!

ranPOE: am i supposed to say something

kunikida: no

RANpoe: no

kenji: no

akutagawa: no

sushi: no

tanizaki: no

chibi: wtf

ranPOE: understandable

Chapter Text

[4:20 AM] roblox

dazai: blaze it

chibi: you're so immature

dazai: eww

dazai: why are you the only one awake

dazai: that was for ranpo

chibi: then maybe you shouldn't have messaged in a group chat, dumbass

dazai: or you could just shut up <3

chibi: IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME THEN DON'T MESSAGE THE GROUP CHAT DUMBSHIT

chibi: I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU EITHER

dazai: THEN DON'T REPLY TO ME IN THE GROUP CHAT

dazai: DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO

dazai: GO DRINK SOME MILK OR SOMETHING! YOU NEED IT

chibi: HUH

chibi: AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE SWALLOWING NEEDLES

chibi: ALSO I'M STILL GROWING

dazai: ALL OF US ARE FINISHED GROWING

dazai: YOU'RE GOING TO BE MY CHIBI FOREVER

chibi: FUCK YOU

chibi: I AM NOT YOUR CHIBI

dazai: OH I'M SURE

chibi: YOU'RE INSUFFERABLE

dazai: YOU'RE INSUFFERABLE

chibi: YOU CAN'T JUST COPY WHAT I SAY

dazai: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? CRAWL ON ME? YOU AREN'T EVEN TALL ENOUGH TO RIDE A ROLLERCOASTER, WHAT MAKES YOU TALL ENOUGH TO STRANGLE ME

chibi: I'LL FIND A WAY, DON'T SEEM SO CONFIDENT THAT YOU'LL WALK AWAY ALIVE

dazai: I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING ELSE, TALKING TO YOU IS MAKING ME LOSE BRAINCELLS

chibi: YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING LEFT TO LOSE

RANpoe: i just sit back and observe

dazai: ranpo, save me!

[4:32 AM] RANpoe started a call

[4:32 AM] dazai joined the call

[4:41 AM] chibi joined the call

[4:41 AM] RANpoe left the call

tanizaki: you're evil.

RANpoe: i know

[6:21 AM] chibi left the call

[6:21 AM] dazai ended the call

[7:30 AM] roblox

kunikida: dazai, you need to start sleeping

dazai: i sleep in class!

sushi: he sleeps in class

tanizaki: he sleeps in class

chibi: he sleeps in class

dazai: chibi watches me sleep!!!!

sushi: you focus on only chuuya?

chibi: yeah thats weird

chibi: freak

dazai: i'm sure you qualify as a hobbit

chibi: this hobbit will ensure you never see the light of day again

dazai: i am waiting

chibi: don't get impatient, i'll be there soon

dazai: i'm waiting with open arms

chibi: i'll rip off your arms

dazai: as long as you're in my arms, chibi!

chibi: i'll stab you

ranPOE: is this normal?

kunikida: yes.

tanizaki: yes

sushi: sadly

ranPOE: great.

tanizaki: poe's tired of our shit already LMAO

RANpoe: HASDHABJDH

Chapter Text

[1:21 AM] roblox

kenji: atsushi worship club

RANpoe: rt

chibi: rt

tanizaki: rt

akutagawa: no

dazai: rt @ kenji

kunikida: rt @ kenji

ranPOE: what does rt mean?

RANpoe: retweet. like saying you second the statement

ranPOE: oh i see

ranPOE: rt

dazai: so everyone except lame akutagawa!

akutagawa: whatever

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

tanizaki: it begins

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

dazai: @sushi

sushi: CAN I SLEEP

sushi: PLS

sushi: ITS ALMOST 130 AM

kenji: atsushi :D

sushi: why did dazai ping me

sushi: NINETEEN TIMES

kunikida: stupid reasons that are just wasting your time

kenji: atsushi worshipping hours are not a waste of time!!! >:(

sushi: atsushi what hours

chibi: akutagawa couldn't stop thinking about you 

chibi: i know, i'm his friend

akutagawa: HUH

sushi: HUH

akutagawa: FALSE

sushi: NONOOONONONO FUCK OFF

akutagawa: HE'S LYING SCROLL UP DUMBSHIT

akutagawa: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT

chibi: SHITTY DAZAI HAD MY PHONE IM SORRY

sushi: HOW DID ATSUSHI WORSHIPPING HOURS TURN INTO THIS

tanizaki: dazai's active

tanizaki: how did you expect anything otherwise?

ranPOE: rt

RANpoe: poe's gonna be using 'rt' every time now

ranPOE: i like it.

RANpoe: you do whatever poe :)

chibi: why are we all awake?

akutagawa: babysitting Q once again

ranPOE: writing.

tanizaki: thinking about the purpose of our existence

RANpoe: on call with poe <3

sushi: im not awake goodnight

kenji: but you're missing atsushi worshipping hours!

sushi: i'll worship myself in my sleep

kunikida: why was dazai on your phone hm

kunikida: i'm going to sleep as well

kenji: OOOOH

chibi: SHUT UP

chibi: we were working on a dumb thing for school

chibi: and it started storming really bad RIGHT WHEN HE WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE FOR FUCKS SAKE

chibi: and this bastard insisted that the storm was too rough and he'd get killed by lightning and forced himself into my home to spend the night

chibi: also @tanizaki are u ok

tanizaki: no

chibi: oookay

dazai: kenji you should be asleep! you're so young, you don't want to get eye bags so early

kenji: im playing outside

tanizaki: KENJI ITS STORMING

kenji: that's what makes it fun!

dazai: nevermind, eye bags are the least of your worries now

tanizaki: GO INSIDE PLEASE

kenji: lame 

dazai: @akutagawa how's babysitting Q ^^

akutagawa: i'm this close to using chloroform 

dazai: you're having fun, i take it?

akutagawa: i understand why parents are alcoholics

chibi: HEY

chibi: Q will get tired eventually, just entertain them and wear them out

chibi: they're just a kid

akutagawa: i'm letting them mess with my hair

akutagawa: it's in pigtails

akutagawa: i don't like it

dazai: send a pic

akutagawa:  1 image attachment

sushi: you look stupid lol

akutagawa: GO BACK TO SLEEP

kenji: I CAN COME OVER AND PLAY WITH Q

kenji: ONLY ONE YEAR DIFFERENCE PLEASE 

tanizaki: that can either relieve akutagawa of all his babysitting stress or double it

akutagawa: if there is a god he hates me

kenji: COME ON PLEASE CAN I COME OVER

tanizaki: who are you asking?

kenji: YOU

tanizaki: wh??

tanizaki: why me ?????

kenji: IDK YOURE LIKE THE RESPONSIBLE OLDER BROTHER TO ME

akutagawa: tanizaki, i trust you to make the right choice to spare my well-being

tanizaki: it's one in the morning

chibi: when has that ever affected ANYTHING

dazai: time is a construct

tanizaki: fine

tanizaki: dry off and get changed, i'll pick you up kenji

kenji: POGGERS

chibi: DID HE JUST SAY POGGERS AIEHDFIAUHF

RANpoe: KENJI SAID POGGERS BYE ASDAHODFHAIOSF

akutagawa: do you need my address 

tanizaki: yes, you can just pm it to me

tanizaki: is it alright if i join you? i'll be there is the stress is doubled, and i want to make sure everything's fine

akutagawa: i don't mind

akutagawa: thank you

tanizaki: yeah no sweat ill text you when i arrive

Chapter Text

sushi: RANPO HAS 13K TWITTER FOLLOWERS?????

sushi: who the fuck is sana???

sushi: WHY IS EVERYTHING KOREAN

sushi: @RANpoe why is your twitter called sanas_lefthand

kunikida: i’ve stopped asking

atsushi: WHOS SANA

akutagawa: she’s from twice

akutagawa: my bias is mina

sushi: what’s twice???

sushi: mina????

sushi: is that a girl

sushi: emo boy likes women homophobic

sushi: ok but what the FUCK IS TWICE

RANpoe is typing....

dazai: oh no

chibi: oh no

kunikida: oh no

tanizaki: oh no

akutagawa: jinko, brace yourself

kenji: @sushi try not to cry !!

ranPOE: rt

RANpoe: Twice is a nine member South Korean Girl Group formed under JYP Entertainment. The current members are Nayeon, Jeongyeon, Momo, Sana, Jihyo, Mina, Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu. In 2015 they participated in a survival show called Sixteen. They have over 100 awards and have been nominated for awards over 200 times. 

RANpoe: do you live under a rock TWICE is one of the BIGGEST GROUPS IN THE WORLD

RANpoe: TWICE WORLD DOMINATION 

RANpoe: i play fancy every day

RANpoe: I SEDUCED POE WITH FEEL SPECIAL

ranPOE: it worked

ranPOE: my personal favorite is what is love

RANpoe: it was cute <3

RANpoe:  20 image attachments

RANpoe: SANA IS A GODDESS ON EARTH AND I WOULD DIE FOR HER

kenji: she's really pretty

tanizaki: ranpo went on and on about her pink hair for weeks

RANpoe: catboy is BLESSED to have this knowledge

RANpoe: this means you have twt right?

RANpoe: stream my fancam >:0

sushi: yeah i have twitter now

sushi: but idk how to use it

sushi: my name is atsushi727238 how do i change it

dazai: oh! i’ll make your twt profile :)

dazai: i helped chibi make his

dazai: pm me the password

sushi: do i really trust you

akutagawa: do you really want to die as atsushi727238

sushi: i want you to die

sushi: @dazai make my twitter “emo boy hate club” pls :)

dazai: ok!

chibi is typing...

chibi is typing...

chibi is typing...

tanizaki: chuuya been typing for a long time

dazai: sus

chibi is typing...

chibi: I FUCJING HATE YOU

chibi: DIE

chibi: @dazai DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE

chibi: LITERALLY FALL OFF A DAMN BRIDGE

chibi: DIEDUIDYEEDIE BABSJDBD

chibi: yes i keysmashed

chibi: DIE

chibi: I WAS TRYING TO WARN CATBOY

chibi: FUCKINFHS DIEZAI AND HID LOJG ASS FUCKING BODY FUCK YOU HE STOPEPDD MY MESSAGE

chibi: @sushi OPEN YOUR TWITTER

chibi: fuckinj pea brain shitty long limb mfuckung stupid ass

tanizaki: kenji is in this >:(

chibi: my apologies .

chibi: Hecking heck. I wish Dazai death.

dazai: i think my twitter design is nice

RANpoe: UNFOLLOW ME I DONT WANT A FURRY ACC IN MY 13K FOLLOWERS GET AWAY

sushi: WHAT

sushi: NO FUCK WHAT

sushi: HOW DO I CHANGE A PROFILE PICTURE

sushi: HOW DO I CHANGE EVERYTHING

sushi: how to deactivate twitter

sushi: please no not the book cover make it stop

sushi: WHAT IS THAT THING IN THE BACKGROUND NOT THR GLOWING CAT EYES

kenji: that’s called a header

tanizaki: “nyah. cat stan! he/him. in love w an emo boy <3”

kenji: your bio is cute!

sushi: IM NOT A CAT STAN

akutagawa: HES NOT IN LOVE WITH ME

sushi: so you DO admit to being emo

akutagawa: catboy smh

chibi: i tried to warn you

chibi: don’t trust dazai with your twitter

dazai: @chibi but yours is nice :(

chibi: YOU EDITED MY FACE ONTO A CHICKEN NUGGET FOR MY PROFILE PICTURE

chibi: MY DN WAS “TINY”

atsushi: dn?

kenji: display name

tanizaki: he made yours sushi

sushi: i have one thing going for me

chibi: HE MADE ME A MILK ANTI ACC

chibi: @dazai FUCK YOU

dazai: you’re short

chibi: FYCKINGF AND????

dazai: milk anti :/

ranPOE: atsushi what’s your twitter?

atsushi: @/catboy_powersactivate

atsushi: i’ll kill dazai before aku

akutagawa: i’ll kill you first

tanizaki: i am very uncomfortable with the energy we have created in this room

atsushi: HKABHAKSVSKSSH

akutagawa: are you dead this time?

akutagawa:  i would be happy if you were

atsushi: 3 MILLION FOLLOWERS????????

atsushi: @ranPOE WHATS THE BLUE THING

RANpoe: he’s verified!

RANpoe: he worked hard for it

RANpoe: bc he writes

ranPOE: thanks ranpo :)

kunikida: at least SOME people get along in here

Chapter Text

[3:12 AM] roblox

chibi: i am going to stick metal into my something

dazai: ;)

chibi: i'm going to suffocate you in your sleep

chibi: unlock the door

chibi: uNLCOK THE FUCKGNH DOOR PUSSY STOP  GOI G THROUGN MY SHIT

chibi: HEY ASSHOEL I m GOING TO HURT YOU

chibi: ASSHOLE

akutagawa: is nobody ever going to acknowledge that chuuya and dazai are always together?

kunikida: not at school.

kenji: what do they do at school?

tanizaki: at school they keep a distance but are always harassing each other and acting like they hate each other

dazai: that's because i hate chuuya!

chibi: die

tanizaki: but at 3 fucking AM on a wednesday night, they're together

tanizaki: and also almost every time outside of school

sushi: they probably just walk home together

akutagawa: it's three in the morning

sushi: we don't know what dazai does afterschool

tanizaki: @chibi wdym you're going to stick metal in your something

dazai: in his dick!

tanizaki: KENJI IS IN HERE FOR THE LAST TIME PLE ASE

ranPOE: rt this is not a pg-13 chat

dazai: he's old enough

dazai: he's 14

tanizaki: yeah but he's baby

kenji: i'm baby >:000000

ranPOE: why am i still here

RANpoe: we enjoy your company!!!!!

kunikida: you keep me sane.

RANpoe: POE PAY ATTENTION TO ME I CANT SEE U ON CALL >:(((((((((

RANpoe: POE

RANpoe: POEEEE

ranPOE: ok i'm back sorry

RANpoe: :)

kenji: awwww they're so cute

tanizaki: i am worried where is chuuya

chibi: i am here

chibi: dazai locked himself in my bathroom and i'm yelling at him to get out

dazai: i'm constipated <3

chibi: YOU ARENT I CAN HEAR YOU LOOKING THROUGH MY DRAWERS

dazai: the effects of constipation <3

chibi: often times i wonder if you are real or just a manifestation of my nightmares

dazai: YOU DREAM ABOUT ME???? 

chibi: ugh

chibi: @tanizaki i want a tongue piercing

tanizaki: i figured it had something to do with piercings

tanizaki: i gave myself my own piercings, i can help you if you need it

kenji: you gave yourself your own piercings?????

tanizaki: i did my own ear piercings, and i gave myself a septum piercing back in junior high

tanizaki: i ended up not liking it after a few months and just took it out, so i don't have it anymore.

tanizaki: but i have been thinking about giving myself a tongue piercing so all the research is already done

kenji: THATS SO COOL I WANT A PIERCING

tanizaki: maybe

chibi: dude thats sick

chibi: when are you available?

tanizaki: i'm free right now and i have all the materials if you want to come over

kenji: WAIT I WANNA COME 

chibi: oh okay so thdnsmnefkja

chibi: kjednakoa

chibi: DAZAI WONT LEAVE  ME THE FUCK ALONE NOW WHAT  THE HELL

[3:29 AM] dazai, tanizaki

dazai: NO

tanizaki: huh?????

tanizaki: wdym no???????

tanizaki: hello?

tanizaki: DAZAI

dazai: NO 

dazai: THIS IS A THREAT

tanizaki: WH

tanizaki: OH

tanizaki: christ

[3:35 AM] roblox

tanizaki: shit nevermind, i can't find my needles

chibi: damn

kenji: NOOOO

dazai: that sucks!

dazai: oh well, go do better things!

sushi: hm.

akutagawa: sus.

[3:39 AM] chuuya, atsushi, akutagawa, RANpoe

chuuya: why did he say it like that

akutagawa: what do you mean?

atsushi: why are you playing dumb, you literally said 'sus' 

akutagawa: fuck you he could've been talking about something else

atsushi: what else would he be talking about??

chuuya: @RANpoe 

RANpoe: first off, you are interrupting my quality boyfriend time with your inferior pining time 

chuuya: MY WHAT

akutagawa: damn just going all out

RANpoe: second, i am not participating in your pining time

RANpoe: i have no involvement in you and dazai's lovers' quarrel

RANpoe: have fun!!!!!

[3:45] RANpoe left the chat

atsushi: omg

akutagawa: who says 'omg' anymore?

atsushi: I DO SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

[3:47 AM] roblox

tanizaki: how about we all just go to a professional together?

tanizaki: i wouldn't want to fuck up anyway

chibi: yeah that sounds fine

kenji: CAN I COME

kenji: PLS

chibi: sure

tanizaki: sure :)

kenji: HELL YEAH

Chapter Text

[6:12 PM] roblox

dazai: make it count play it straight don't look back, don't hesitate. when you go big time. whatcha want, whatcha feel. never quit, make it real. when you roll big time.

atsushi: why?

dazai: why not

dazai: it's stuck in my head and i think you all should hear it too ;D

chibi: literally nobody cares

kenji: HEY OH HEY OH LSITEN TO YOUR HEART NOW HEY OH HEY OH DONT YU FEEL THE RUSH HEY OH HEY OH BETTER TAKE YOUR SHOT NOW

kenji: @RANpoe

RANpoe: GO SHAKE IT UP WHACTHA GOT TO LOSE GO AND MAKE YOUR LUCK WITHT HE LIFE YOU CHOOSE IF YOU WANT IT ALL LAY IT ON THE LINE ITS THE ONLY LIFE YA GOT SO YA GOTTA LIVE IT BIG TIME

chibi: @akutagawa we should bring them lemonade

akutagawa: i agree.

atsushi: i am being lead to believe that the lemonade is not safe for consumption.

chibi: it's not :)

kenji: I WANT LEMONADE

kenji: RN

chibi: wtf no 

chibi: shit does not taste like lemonade

chibi: this is the last time kajii is responsible for bringing drinks

dazai: WAIT

dazai: ARE YOU GUYS HAVING A BARBEQUE

dazai:  WITHOUT ME?????

chibi: ESPECIALLY WITHOUT YOU WTF

akutagawa: ^

dazai: fill me in on any drama >:D

chibi: no.

dazai: CHUUUYA

chibi: bye, we have a barbecue to attend to.

dazai: aw fuck you

atsushi: i am,,, taking my leave to do homework bye

kenji: aw :(

tanizaki: shit i missed out on big time rush

dazai: ITS NOT TOO LATE

tanizaki: yes it is,,

atsushi: do not. please. im begging you

tanizaki: lame 

dazai: rt

[6:54 PM] chuuya, dazai

chuuya: I LIED THERES BEEF I NEED TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT BUT I DONT WANT TO ANNOY THE REST OF THE GC

dazai: I KNEW YOUD PULL THROUGH <33

chuuya: SHUT UP

chuuya: SO Q AND ELISE RIGHT

dazai: YOURE KIDDING

chuuya: honestly everyone knew that they'd fucking hate each other but no one expected anything to actually happen

dazai: i know what you mean

chuuya: anyway, we're having a beach bbq so we're on the beach

chuuya: and i don't even know what happened or who did what but. someone was making a sand castle and someone knocked it over

chuuya: and q called elise an ugly stuck up bitch

dazai: such foul language!

chuuya: they probably got it from you

chuuya: but that's beside the point.

chuuya: elise got pissed and said something about Q's foster parents

dazai: foster?

chuuya: are you really that fucking stupid

chuuya: did you forget?

dazai: you're so mean :'(( i didn't know in the first place!

chuuya: q's biological parents died in an accident, and their foster parents aren't ideal

chuuya: we've met their foster parents

dazai: oh okay that makes sense! 

chuuya: they started fighting and screaming at each other and q was starting to cry

chuuya: so we had to intervene and physically restrain the two of them

chuuya: so mori rn is walking along the beach with elise (who is acting like a stuck up bitch)

chuuya: and q is just hanging out with me

dazai: aww i miss all the drama

chuuya: you're the one who left 

dazai: yeah but i'd love to stay in touch with toddlers in tiaras vs q!

chuuya: who's the rest of the toddlers in tiaras?

dazai: elise.

dazai: she makes up the whole show

chuuya: LMAO FUCK OFF

dazai: i'm not wrong <3

chuuya: i despise myself for agreeing with you

dazai: but chuuya! you always do!!

dazai: because i'm always right!!!

chuuya: this is completely my fault for thinking i could have a normal conversation without your ego getting in the way

dazai: my ego's much bigger than you <3

dazai: among other things 

chuuya: ASSHOLE

chuuya: THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR FUCK YOU

chuuya: DIE

dazai: you poked at my ego, i can poke at your size

dazai: all's fair in love and war

chuuya: is that even the saying

chuuya: it doesn't sound right

dazai: i'm always right!!!

chuuya: well the saying's right, but i don't think you used it correctly

chuuya: fucking stupid

dazai: fuck you <3

chuuya: get that fucking heart out of here

chuuya: you disgust me

dazai: you wound me chibi :(

chuuya: how does atsushi deal with your ass

dazai: the 1%

chuuya: JAHDBFAKJNDK

chuuya: BYE

[9:47 PM] roblox

chibi: sometimes cancel culture is okay

kunikida: dazai? 

dazai: am i being cancelled? >:( 

chibi: yes

sushi: yes 

kunikida: yes

akutagawa: yeah

RANpoe: mhm

kenji: probably! don't worry dazai, i’ll still love you 

tanizaki: @dazai you’ve been canceled already

dazai: WHAT???

dazai: when????? 

chibi: the day your dumb fuckass was born

sushi: rt

akutagawa: rt

kunikida: rt

RANpoe: rt

tanizaki: rt

kenji: rt 

RANpoe: @ranPOE

ranPOE: ?

dazai: poeeee they’re being mean to me!!! :’(

ranPOE: hi dazai

ranPOE: oh i see

ranPOE: rt

Chapter Text

[8:12 PM] dazai, chuuya, elise <3, Q, kyouka, kenji, atsushi, akutagawa

atsushi: oh, great.

atsushi: another group chat.

kyouka: who are you and what is this?

dazai: hi!!!!

atsushi: i'm so sorry i let it slip that you're my neighbor and he wants a group chat with the kids

dazai: toddlers in tiaras!!!

[8:15 PM] dazai named the chat toddlers in tiaras

chuuya: spare the children

chuuya: this chat is pg-13

Q: hey motherfuckers

atsushi: um

atsushi: how old is everyone?

atsushi: so i'm aware just how many minors will be corrupted

Q: i'm 13

elise: i'm also 13 but older than Q by a few months!!! <3

elise: meaning i'm better!

Q: it doesn't matter 

kyouka: i am 14. can you explain what this group chat is please.

kenji: no way i'm 14 too!!!

kenji: Q!!!!!!!!!! OMG HI

Q: kenji!

atsushi: i hate it here

chuuya: i repeat this chat is pg-13

elise: yeah Q, no swearing

chuuya: that means no provoking them, elise

Q: yeah

Q: bitch

chuuya: HEY

kenji: hey >:(

kyouka: get her ass Q

dazai: i am shaking with excitement

atsushi: yeah why is a 13 year old saying 'hey motherfuckers' 

atsushi: where did you learn this language

akutagawa: did you not know what swearing was when you were 13?

atsushi: of course i did i just normally wouldn't greet a group chat with 'hey motherfuckers'

Q: i'm built different

kenji: i'm built different too!

kenji: hey motherf*ckers!

Q: AKJDFNKJS

kyouka: hey motherfuckers

Q: hey motherfuckers

kenji: hey motherf*ckers

elise: you're so immature

dazai: THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGGGG

chuuya: i open my phone to a bunch of middle schoolers chanting 'hey motherfuckers' right after i say this chat is pg-13

Q: i learned that language from you

chuuya: just me?

Q: and d*zai and akutagawa

atsushi: D*ZAI

dazai: WHAT why am i censored :(

Q: you were mean to me

Q: i don't like you

Q: i like chuuya and kenji and kyouka

Q: they're the only people who are worthy of anything in life at all

Q: elise you can go die

elise: you're an asshole!!! i didnt do anything !

kyouka: your name has every right to not be on that list.

kyouka: you're stuck up and annoying.

kyouka: you're a spoiled brat

elise: not my fault you're ugly

kyouka: insult me all you want, you will regret it

dazai: THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGG

dazai: THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGGGG

atsushi: you are having too much fun with this

chuuya: ^

akutagawa: ^

atsushi: get your own message

akutagawa: fuck off.

Q: so he can curse but i can't?

chuuya: fuck you're right

chuuya: just go crazy at this point i know i can't restrain you

elise: yeah or else you'll cry like a baby again

Q: i wasn't crying wtf??

elise: yes you were! you went crying to chuuya like a little baby

Q: shut the fuck up i wasn't

kyouka: elise leave them alone

elise: or else what?? you'll hit me???

elise: i'll just tell on you

kyouka: coward.

kenji: why are you guys here?

kenji: @ dazai, aku, atsushi, chuuya

kenji: just wondering!

chuuya: supervision 

dazai: we're the audience 

atsushi: i don't know

akutagawa: idk

elise: YOURE ALL SO FUCKING RUDE AND IMMATURE AND FOR WHAT I LITERALLY DID NOTHING WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALL HATE ME

Q: lmao

kenji: i'm sorry elise 

kyouka: you're a brat

elise: its ok kenji you didn't do anything wrong

Q: kenji's just nice to everyone you aren't special

Chapter Text

[11:34 PM] toddlers in tiaras

Q: one rt and i shave chuuya's hair in his sleep

chuuya: JUST EAT YOUR FUCKING VEGETABLES OH MY FUCKING GOD

akutagawa: i want to go home

dazai: rt

chuuya: WTF I THOUGHT YOU LIKED MY HAIR

dazai: it's your only good quality and i hate it

akutagawa: where did you go

chuuya: i'm in the bathroom i told you that

akutagawa: i am talking to yumeno.

chuuya: YOU LOST Q????

akutagawa: they don't want to eat the vegetables

Q: runs to another country cutely

chuuya: YOUR MOM WOULD KILL ME PLEASE COME BACK 

Q: father nakahara, you are my mother

chuuya: you completely contradicted yourself in that yet it made perfect sense

akutagawa: it's past 11:30, your mother will be here soon

akutagawa: how do i explain that i lost their child to europe because they didn't want to eat their vegetables

Q: just like that!

chuuya: it's dark out, its not safe

Q: i'll bite them

elise: they wouldn't want to kidnap someone as ugly as you anyway

kyouka: you look like a demented barbie doll, elise

elise: BITCH

kenji: i just saw q run outside my house ?????@?$?@

kenji: they run. very fast wow

kenji: it's impressive !!!

chuuya: JHAFASDJHFBSHJ 

akutagawa: i do not like children

chuuya: wbk

chuuya: we been knew

chuuya: we been fucking knew

akutagawa: i want to die

chuuya: we know akutagawa

chuuya: take your violent urges out on Q's mom

dazai: ^

akutagawa: i am saving it especially for her.

kenji: why q's mom? what'd she do???

chuuya: bitch doesn't respect their pronouns

kyouka: what is her address

chuuya: i'll pm it to you

elise: have you told her?

Q: i did but she just called it silly and never made an effort to use they/them 

Q: it's irritating but what can i do

Q: she's not home much anyway so it doesnt matter!

chuuya: i will adopt you one of these days

Q: do so, father nakahara

dazai: you make it sound like he's jesus

akutagawa: he is jesus

Q: steinback punching the air rn

chuuya: who?

Q: this dude who kept talking about god to me and he told me god doesnt love me LSDMFLSKDMFJ

Q: lowkey traumatizing but thats life <3

chuuya: im god and i love you

Q: im not coming back so you can force feed me vegetables

chuuya: i'm going to let akutagawa take charge

akutagawa: you don't want that.

Q: WTF

Q: THIS ISNT FAIR WTF

akutagawa: its 12 AM and you are running around the neighborhood alone i will do what i need to to ensure your safety

dazai: did you just call him steinback

Q: is it not steinback?

dazai: ITS STEINBECK

Q: too bad it's steinback

[12:10 AM] roblox

chibi: i know it is very late but if any of you see a 4'7" gremlin (child) with a creepy ass doll running around please let me know because we have lost them and need them back

RANpo: will you pay us?

chibi: what

chibi: no

[12:14 AM] toddlers in tiaras

akutagawa: there was another christian (tm), wasn't there?

akutagawa: hawthorne

akutagawa: i wouldn't say traumatizing, but my experience with him was rather... odd. i would've preferred not to have it.

dazai: what's with you guys and christians

Q: i'm enby

atsushi: akutagawa's emo

akutagawa: idk

akutagawa: I AM NOT. I AM NOT. I AM NOT. I AM NOT.

akutagawa: HOLY SHIT. FUCK YOU. 

atsushi: JSDHFSDF YOU'RE EMO

atsushi: you dress like connor murphy and you probably listen to panic at the disco

akutagawa: i listen to MCR, for your information.

atsushi: that's not helping your case at all

akutagawa: fuck brendon urie. i never have and never will support him

atsushi: fuck brendon urie!!

Q: fuck brendon urie

kyouka: i don't know who brendon urie is but fuck brendon urie

dazai: fuck brendon urie

kenji: FUCK BRENDON URIE I USED TO LISTEN TO HIM BUT I FOUND OUT ABOUT WHAT HE DID AND I WAS SO UPSET :(

atsushi: i'm sorry kenji, people fucking suck

chuuya: ^

chuuya: i didn't listen to him much, maybe one or two songs. 

dazai: i'm surprised you don't listen to country music, kenji

kenji: i do!

dazai: plus brendon urie?

kenji: is brendon urie not country music?

chuuya: YUMENO KYUSAKU I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I WILL DESTROY YOU IF YOU DON'T COME HOME RIGHT NOW

dazai: father nakahara demands your presence

Q: oh i'm not running anymore

Q: :)

chuuya: YUMENO. WHERE ARE YOU

Q: with my other dad

dazai: they're with me

chuuya: YOU RAN SIX MILES TO DAZAI'S HOSUE??????

dazai: no, i picked them up

Q: we're watching sofia the first and NOT eating vegetables

dazai: join us, chuuya <3

chuuya: akutagawa and i are coming to pick up Q

Q: I WONT GO

Q: YOULL HAVE TO KILL ME OVER IT

akutagawa: i will. 

Q: bet let's tango emo boy

atsushi: are we going to ignore how dazai and chuuya are dads in Q's world?

chuuya: yes

dazai: OHHHH I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE

dazai: MY CHIBI <33333

dazai: MY OTHER HALF

dazai: (i'm the better half)

chuuya: HEY

kenji: WHAT AM I MISSING I WANNA WATCH SOFIA THE FIRST

chuuya: NO you need to sleep we're just picking up yumeno and leaving

[12:31 AM] atsushi, akutagawa

akutagawa: we're actually planning on staying and watching sofia the first with dazai and yumeno. chuuya asked me to invite you, we can pick you up. 

atsushi: why couldn't he just text me instead of you

akutagawa: you're being dramatic. it's the same message.

atsushi: but it's you 

akutagawa: he's driving.

akutagawa: so are we picking you up or not?

atsushi; i just finished a fuck load of homework i'm tired

akutagawa: it'd be a good stress reliver, i suppose.

atsushi: fine

atsushi: sure

atsushi: chuuya knows where i live right

akutagawa: he says yes

atsushi: great, i'll meet you out front

Chapter Text

[10:50 AM] Q, chuuya, dazai

Q: 5 image attachments

Q: @dazai @chuuya

Q: were both of you aware that chuuya fell asleep on your chest and peacefully slept listening to your heartbeat and breathing?

chuuya: BRAT

dazai: i'm making this my wallpaper

chuuya: DO FUCKING NOT!!!!

chuuya: OI 

chuuya: FUCKER

dazai: 1 image attachment

dazai: your hair was so soft :)

chuuya: YOU SMELLED LIKE SHIT

Q: do not try to feed me leafy greens ever again or i will find everyone you know and expose you

chuuya: oh you BRAT i will kill you

Q: do so father nakahara

Q: unfortunately i have told kenji that if anything were to happen to me, he release the photos to the public

chuuya: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ON DAZAI IM NOT GOING DOWN ALONE

Q: sorry, you'll just have to take my word for dazai gazing at you lovingly in your sleep

dazai: i was taking a mind picture of his face so i can remember it whenever i feel ugly that i'm not the ugliest person on the planet <3

chuuya: SCREW YOU

chuuya: FUCK OFF

chuuya: IM DONE HERE

[10:59 AM] Q, akutagawa, atsushi

Q:  @atsushi @akutagawa

atsushi: yes?

akutagawa: what do you want brat

akutagawa: why are we here?

Q:  3 image attachments

Q: @atsushi you fell asleep on his shoulder and he put his arm around you

atsushi: WHAT

atsushi: AKUTAGAWA

akutagawa: i wasn't going to wake you because you actually shut the fuck up for once when you're sleeping. i was going to enjoy it.

akutagawa: chuuya was sitting beside you. if you fell on him, we would've suffered the consequences because he and dazai were practically cuddling

atsushi: oh

atsushi: i guess that makes sense

Q: atsushi you don't think you're in the clear, are you?

Q: 2 image attachments

Q: your eyes are open. you're clearly awake while your head is on akutagawa's shoulder. you don't look opposed to it.

akutagawa: YOU WERE AWAKE??????

atsushi: HJDBFJAHSDBFASHBFKENFJEDNFHISNF

atsushi: SLANDER

atsushi: FALSE

atsushi: IT WAS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND IF I MOVED I WOULDVE WOKE YOU UP

atsushi: ALSO I WAS HALF ASLEEP IT DIDNT FULLY PROCESS

atsushi: YOUR BONY ASS SHOULDER IS WHAT WOKE ME UP ANYWAY

akutagawa: yumeno why were you even awake

Q: i have trouble sleeping sometimes but thats beside the point

Q: the point is that if either of you piss me off or attempt to shove vegetables down my throat i will show these to everyone

atsushi: why am i being blackmailed by a 13 year old

atsushi: what do you want from me

Q: nothing right now i'll let u know :)))))

Chapter Text

roblox [3:16 AM]

sushi: i forgot the order for the abcs when i was brushing my teeth so i sang the itsy bitzy spider instead

sushi: except i sang the itsy bitzy beanstalk

sushi: is that even a thing???

sushi: the itsy bitzy beanstalk went up the water spout

sushi: no it doesn’t

ranpo: why are you awake???

sushi: oh i had a group project with emo boy but i fucked up part of it so i redid it

sushi: i didn’t finish

sushi: i don’t even remember how to count to 43

dazai: as your father i say you’re not equipped for all-nighters

dazai: you'd stay up for two extra hours then pass out and hit your head

sushi: ive been up for three days

ranpo: i don’t even let poe do that???

sushi: then maybe someone can tell me what the fuck an imaginary number is ???

akutagawa: are you kidding?

akutagawa: why don’t you ever ask me for help?

akutagawa: we’re in the same classes

sushi: you hate me?

akutagawa: pm me

akutagawa: dumbshit jinko

[3:21 AM] atsushi, akutagawa

akutagawa: first of all the imaginary numbers homework isn’t even due until next week

akutagawa: second of all you’re working on OUR project

akutagawa: we’re supposed to be doing it together

akutagawa:  did that not get through your head?

atsushi: but i messed it up so i’ll fix it

akutagawa: it’s also my fault for not noticing you fucked up

akutagawa: it's a group project, we work together.

akutagawa: just share what you finished with me and i’ll do the rest

atsushi: seriously????

atsushi: so you don’t hate me???

akutagawa: i’ll hate you more if you don’t let me fix it

akutagawa: you will not ruin my grade, jinko

akutagawa: just go to bed

atsushi: okokokok GEEZ

atsushi: thanks?????

atsushi: wait

atsushi: why are YOU awake

akutagawa: q didn’t eat their vegetables (again) and got wound up fighting chuuya

akutagawa: and now they won’t sleep

akutagawa: i’m also deeply invested in barbie’s life in the dreamhouse now

atsushi: ??? when the fuck are YOU going to bed then 

atsushi: dreamhouse has like 628262728262738 episodes???#^>\>]

akutagawa: i have a study hall tomorrow, i’ll sleep then

atsushi: concern

atsushi: please don’t turn into dazai

akutagawa: please don’t compare me to him

akutagawa: fuck off and go to bed

atsushi: FINE

atsushi: goodnight emoboy asswipe

[3:47 AM] atsushi, akutagawa

atsushi: i can’t sleep

akutagawa: count some dead bodies in your head

atsushi: ??????

akutagawa: it works for Q sometimes

atsushi: they’re a murder child????

akutagawa: worth a shot

akutagawa: if you can’t sleep, be useful

akutagawa: you really did fuck up the project

atsushi: i noticed >:/

akutagawa: call me and explain what the fuck you were thinking

akutagawa: if you were even thinking at all

atsushi: why are you so mean at 4 am :’(

[3:58 AM] akutagawa started a call

[3:58 AM] atsushi joined the call

[4:27 AM] atsushi left the call

[4:28 AM] akutagawa ended the call

akutagawa: i can’t believe you fell asleep

akutagawa: you snore so fucking loud

akutagawa: like a damn cat purring

akutagawa: fucking jinko

akutagawa: i’ll actually kill you if you pull another “not sleeping” shit like this again

akutagawa: i hope you die in your sleep

[4:33 AM] Q, chuuya

Q: aku is smiling at his phone

chuuya: first of all what the shit kid it’s 4 fucking thirty in the MORNING

Q: i am aware, father nakahara

chuuya: second of all aku can smile???

Q: i didnt get pictures

chuuya: damn

Q: fucking pottymouth

chuuya: i’m feeding you green beans tomorrow you fucking gremlin

Q: do your worst

Chapter Text

[7:54 PM] Q, kenji

Q: i am being forcefed leafy greens

Q: come hither, kenji-kun

Q: i am being held against my will. i am being tortured. god does not love me.

kenji: a bit dramatic but is this the signal

Q: yes. release it to the public.

kenji: i'm worried about you :(

Q: RELEASE THEM KENJI KUN

[8:03 PM] roblox

kenji: @everyone

chibi: NO

chibi: DAZAI REMOVE HIM

sushi: NONONONONON WHY DID YOU FEED THEM LEAFT GREEANDS

akutagawa: FUCK

akutagawa: KENJI NO

RANpoe: it's just as i expected

kenji: 19 image attachments

kenji: here!

dazai: ah fuck

dazai: they didn't get my good side! 

dazai: @chibi you infected our child with your terrible photography skills

chibi: anbjeshnflsjf????(*^~!@#$R% HELP9327r4??<:<":

sushi: i think chuuya passed out?? 

sushi: me too 

kunikida: so we're just going to ignore what dazai said about Q being his kid? 

akutagawa: one thing at a time please

tanizaki: @RANpoe ADD YOSANO ADD YOSANO SHE NEEDS TO SEE THIS

[8:09 PM] RANpoe added yosano

dazai: @ranPOE you could write a romance novel off this shit

dazai: it's even got the super cute OTP couple with an extreme height difference

sushi: akutagawa's only like 2 cm taller??

dazai: it's so cute that you think you're the OTP main character couple

sushi: NO FUCK

akutagawa: we are

sushi: HELP

chibi: so you admit to being a couple?

yosano: OHHHHH SHIT WHATS GOING ON 

kenji: scroll up!! theyre gay! i have more pics

chibi: ok you're done

[8:13 PM] chibi removed kenji

dazai: LMAO OMG

ranPOE: i will not write a romance novel for you

dazai: really? i think it'd be great

dazai: #slowburn #250k #enemiestolovers #rivalstolovers #chibi #onebedtwopeople 

dazai: atsushi and akutagawa would be enemies to lovers fast burn

sushi: what does that even mean???? 

ranPOE: do you think this is wattpad

yosano: HELLOOO LGBT COMMUNITY WTFFFFFFFFF

sushi: end me

chibi: THEY JUST SENT ME ALL THE PICS IN PMS

tanizaki: I GOT THEM FROM AN UNKNOWN NUMBER WHAT IS GOING ON IM SCARED

ranPOE: ranpo-kun's hyperventilating

RANpoe: HELP

chibi: KANAISD TAKE ADMINA WAY

dazai: wh

[8:17 PM] chibi added Q

Q: THEYRE GAY

Q: THEYR GDY

Q:  17 image attachments

dazai: NO KIDS 

[8:17 PM] dazai removed Q

[8:19 PM] dazai added kenji

chibi: it's the will of the god to keep kenji alive 

kenji: 10 image attachments

kenji: 2 video attachments 

chibi: just kidding pulls out a knife cutely

chibi: god isn't real

dazai: SEE I WAS RIGHT YOU DO SNORE 

chibi: DID I ASK?? DID I FUCKING ASK??

chibi: you breathe through your mouth on a DAILY BASIS

chibi: I SUFFER ENOUGH HEARING YOU TALK EVERY DAY

chibi: YOUR SHITTY BONY FRAME ISNT MUCG OF A BED ANYWAYH SO FUCK AWAYW AND DIE

dazai: ooooh you wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look fucking stupid

chibi: aNd??? who gives a shit if i would kiss you?? 

chibi: YOUD STILL BE STUPIDER WTF

sushi: AKEUFNLJNE??@?@/

sushi: UM

dazai: WHY DONT YOU JUST KISS ME THEN

chibi: I DONT KNOW MAYBE BC YOURE INSUFFERABLE

dazai: ITS ROMANTIC 

dazai: ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU DONT APPRECIATE IT

kunikida: are we watching the same show???? 

chibi: SO ARE YOU GOING TO KISS ME OR NOT

dazai: ILL DO MORE THAN KISS YOU

tanizaki: KENJI IS IN HERE

chibi: BET YOU FUCKIMF STRINGBEAN 

chibi: IF YOU RE NOT HERE IN 10 MINUTES ILK CUT YOIWR KNEES

dazai: im in your closet

sushi: what

chibi: WHY ARE YOU IN MY CLOSET

RANpoe: we've been asking that question for a while now

dazai: you locked me in here

chibi: YOURE THE ONLY ONE STUPID ENOUGH TO THINK A CLOSET LOCKS

chibi: closets dont fucking lock you dumb fuckig 

dazai: the door is too short i cant get out

chibi: STAY I N TGHERE UNTUL YOU DIE THEN

Chapter Text

fukuzawa: @mori control your children

mori: me??? MY children??

mori: elise has done nothing

fukuzawa: the other ones

mori: oh

mori: other ones???

fukuzawa: the one that needs milk and the one that is going through an mcr phase

mori: chuuya and akutagawa???

ango: are we going to ignore the fact that the 40 year old knows what mcr is

oda: teenagers scare the living shit outta me

ango: my head hurts

oda: this is why you need a sleep schedule

ango: you’re in no place to lecture me

oda:  we all know you wear glasses to hide your eyebags 

ango:  YOU DONT EVEN SHAVE IN THE MORNING 

ango:  the way you walk into homeroom 30 minutes late and don’t even finish the copies

fukuzawa: kyouka gave me melatonin gummies, try that

mori: gummies?

mori: weak

mori: this is why my kids are superior

fukuzawa: nakahara threw a slug at dazai in the middle of class today

mori: ew who tf calls him nakahara

fukuzawa: i have class, you don’t

fukuzawa: akutagawa also threw a cat headband into my class 

fukuzawa: control them

fukuzawa:  i don’t like the yeet

mori: first of all i don’t recall chuuya having the ability to pick up SLUGS

mori: does it look like i raised a slob

mori: second of all it’s not my fault your student is a furry

fukuzawa: says the furry himself

mori: I TOLD YOU. IT WAS. A COSTUME PARTY.

mori: YOU HAD ON CAT EARS SHUT THE FUCK UP

oda: 1 image attachment

oda: posts that make you go hmm

fukuzawa: sus

mori: THATS SLANDER HOW DID YOU GET THAT PHOTO

fukuzawa: because we are poggers

ango: WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE LEARNING THESE WORDS YOURE 40

oda: roblox

fukuzawa: kyouka

mori: elise

fukuzawa: i have the better daughter

mori: no i do fuck you

fukuzawa: fuck you

mori changed fukuzawa to fuckzawa

oda: change him back the orphans play on my phone

oda: they don’t need to see two grown ass men cussing each other out

mori: pissbaby

ango: you’re an adult

mori: i do what i want

fuckzawa: pissbaby

Chapter Text

[5:21 PM] roblox

kunikida: whats a dilf

RANpoe: awldsifjwAHF??

dazai: daddy i love to fuck

kunikida: no really

kunikida: someone commented dilf on my post

kunikida: whats a dilf really

ranPOE: ranpo-kun’s hyperventilating 

chibi: at this point does he have asthma

sushi: no that’s akutagawa

akutagawa: leave me out of the conversation when you’re talking about dilfs

tanizaki: why not? lets unpack

tanizaki: why kunikida is probably a dilf

kenji: whats a dilf

dazai: daddy i love to fuck

dazai: chibi should call me that <3

chibi: dilf: dazai id like to fucking murder

dazai: </3

kunikida: what does it really mean

RANpoe: it really means that

kunikida: ????

yosano: i heard dilfs

kenji: ive heard people call you milf!

RANpoe: HEEEELLPPPSIDUHFNEDJ???

yosano: good

ranPOE: akutagawa-kun, can i borrow your inhaler?

ranPOE: for ranpo

akutagawa: i hate it here

sushi: good

sushi: take it @ranPOE , he needs to learn to live without his vape

sushi: he acts like he cant breathe without it

sushi: what a nicotine addiction does to a mf… </3 its so sad

akutagawa: the only addiction i have is wanting to murder you in cold blood

sushi: can you do it without your vape

dazai: chibi has that addiction too!

dazai: wanting to kill me is romantic <3

chibi: it’s a life goal, not an addiction

chibi: die! <3

kunikida: back to dilf

dazai: way to kill the moment, kunikida </3

tanizaki: things i never thought kunikida would say but he did

yosano: okay but have you seen his instagram

yosano: im in the ladies club but 

yosano: attachment 4 images

chibi: kunikida r u single

dazai: CHIBI NO YOURE MINE

dazai: oh wait 

dazai: damn

dazai: kunikida r u single

tanizaki: HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THIS

tanizaki: attachment 1 image

RANpoe: IS THIS WHY YOU NEVER PLAY ROBLOX WITH US

RANpoe: ARE YOU CONSTANTLY WORKING OUT WTF

RANpoe: are you taking drugs to get buff

sushi: akutagawa does drugs

sushi: look what it did to him i dont want you to fall into that hole too kunikida </3

sushi: i cant lose another person to addiction...

akutagawa: you cant lose a person you never had

akutagawa: i hate you

akutagawa: your existence hurts me

sushi: thats just the nicotine in your system

kunikida: dont do drugs

kenji: oh i get it! 

kenji: kunikida is our dad! 

kenji: he gives us advice! 

kenji: thats why they call him dad

RANpoe: no its bc he has juicy man boobs

dazai: its ok you can call him a daddy

kenji: daddy kunikida? 

yosano: dont do that! 

RANpoe: GOODBYEEEE BYE GOPDSJOFJGOODBYE

ranPOE: akutagawa i really need those drugs

akutagawa: for fucks sake

sushi: now he’s dealing… he’s going down the bad path….. 

chibi: @tanizaki where are you

chibi: they’re corrupting kenji

tanizaki: i’m back from stalking kunikida’s ig

tanizaki: remember a few months ago when i said i was straight

tanizaki: i have come to the realization that i am not. Straight. 

yosano: wbk

yosano: we been knew

yosano: we been fucking knew

tanizaki: i love it whe mebn

tanizaki: mean

RANpoe: take your time

tanizaki: bem

tanizaki: meb

tanizaki: BOYS

tanizaki: dilfs. yeah

tanizaki: hhhhhh

ranPOE: and here i thought ranpo was broken

sushi: it took you looking at kunikida’s pecs to realize your sexuality?

akutagawa: do you have something against men looking at other men’s pecs?

akutagawa: homophobic

sushi: I AM GAY

sushi: I LIKE MEN

sushi: but not you

sushi: i hate you

akutagawa: you hate me? 

akutagawa: a gay man?

akutagawa: homophobic

sushi: is this karma

kenji: congrats on coming out!!!

dazai: rip our token straight 

dazai: our last man down

dazai: i was second to last down, obviously

tanizaki: ????? I WAS THE ONLY STRAIGHT ONE ??

kunikida: yeah

kunikida: did you really believe anyone who dazai knows is straight

tanizaki: n e ways kunikida supremacy

tanizaki: 3 image attachments

kunikida: i have better pictures on my instagram

kunikida: im sweaty from the gym in those

kunikida: why would you choose those? 

chibi: im once again asking if youre single

chibi: or free to crush me tomorrow evening at 5

chibi: preferabvly with youwr ARMS HOLY SHIT

dazai: i have no arguments for that

dazai: choke me too

dazai: then me and chibi can die together! 

dazai: romantic

chibi: you know what? just for that ILL choke you

kunikida: i dont want to choke anyone?

tanizaki: i want you to choke me

RANpoe: rt

akutagawa: rt

sushi: rt...

chibi: r fucking t

dazai: rt <3

kenji: do i?

yosano: no we dont

kenji: ok! 

RANpoe: @ranPOE

ranPOE: oh youre finally breathing again

ranPOE: rt 100%

Chapter Text

dazai, chuuya, atsushi, akutagawa

dazai: hayyy when r u all available for a double date

chuuya: we were thinking maybe a movie?? idk its up to you two

atsushi: why are you asking us

chuuya: because you're our friends

dazai: when are you available

atsushi: aku and i aren't dating tho????

akutagawa: don't call me that

chuuya: ok can u answer the question we need to plan ahead

atsushi: WE AREN'T DATING?????

akutagawa: i should be available starting friday.

akutagawa: weekends are open for me

chuuya: ok same 

atsushi: ??

dazai: i'm good for friday and sunday

chuuya: you have nothing on saturdays????

dazai: theres a flat earth rally and i want to go undercover and harass them until they cry

chuuya: have fun with that

dazai: i'll tell them about your flat ass

chuuya: suddenly you're single

dazai: no wait

atsushi: OK NOBODY HAS ANSWERED ME WHY ARE YOU ASKING US

chuuya: we need another couple to go on a double date

akutagawa: that's the whole point of double dates, jinko

atsushi: NO I KNOW BUT THATS NOT WHAT IM ASKING

atsushi: AKUTAGAWA AND I AREN'T DATING

akutagawa: we aren't?

atsushi: NO??

akutagawa: i'm joking

akutagawa: i don't see why we can't say yes. it's not like we'll be forced to make out

atsushi: what if we have to h*ld h*nds

chuuya: did you seriously censor that

dazai: virgin mary

akutagawa: can you come up with one situation where we'd be forced to hold hands

atsushi: ,, no 

akutagawa: then you're complaining for no reason

atsushi: OK BUT

atsushi: HHHSDFJSJF

atsushi: YKNOW?????

akutagawa: use your words

atsushi: I AM

chuuya: shut up, you’re coming

chuuya: :)

atsushi: i’m suddenly compelled to listen 

chuuya: we’ll see you then!

akutagawa: youd better dress decently, jinko

atsushi: YOU DRESS EMO SHUT THE FUCK UP

akutagawa: and

atsushi: you know what? fine. choke. i’m not answering you anymore

kyouka added lucy, yosano, and atsushi

kyouka named the group catboy x emo boy

kyouka: atsushi has a date with akutagawa tomorrow

kyouka: it’s a double date with chuuya and dazai

kyouka: they’re going to the park and probably the carnival

kyouka: at 1pm, they’re taking the train southbound into the next town over

kyouka: their train back arrives at 8pm

atsushi: WHTA

atsushi: WHISDH WHAT

atsushi: HOW DO YOU KNOW THEIS

atsushi: HOW DO YOU ONWO MU FRIENDS LYOUKA WHAT THE DUCIDFUCK

kyouka: i just sit back and observe

lucy: bruh tf IM going with louisa

lucy: you’re going to ruin MY date

lucy: you two are so STUPID JUST DATE ALREADY 

yosano: wait they aren’t dating?

lucy: yeah he “hates” akutagawa and “wants to punch his face”

lucy: softly

lucy: on the mouth

lucy: probably with his own mouth

atsushi: i hate you

atsushi: WE HAD A DEAL THOSE CHATS WERE PRIVATE

atsushi: you get sleep deprived ONE night and everyone is in your love life

kyouka: we said nothing about love life

yosano: sus

yosano: @lucy @kyouka did you see those

yosano: attachment 9 images

atsushi: NOOOOOBWISHWIWWI

lucy: OHMYGGOOODSH

lucy: AHAHAVSJSHAH

lucy: IRL WHEEZING IM !/!:&.! HELLLPOSJEI

kyouka: Q sent me those

atsushi: of course they did

yosano: GOOD

lucy: i bet that’s atsushi’s wallpaper

kyouka: i bet he printed it and it’s on his bedroom wall

yosano: i bet he kisses that picture goodnight, every night

lucy: mf pining so hard he doesn’t realize he’s pining

atsushi: i’m literally standing right here

lucy: he probably made a custom pillow with that

atsushi: CAN YOU NOT

chuuya added higuchi, tachi, gin, akutagawa

chuuya:  aku's going on a double date with atsushi tomorrow

tachi: who's the other couple?

gin: dazai and him i'm betting

chuuya: dazai and i 

chuuya: wow.

higuchi: HAVE FUN

gin named the chat 'go emo boy go'

akutagawa: why did you make this

chuuya: you do this when you have friends

akutagawa: ok dad

chuuya: wh??FA:adkjfnks?????/?

chuuya: i'm not your dad

gin: you're all our dads

higuchi: yes you are

tachi: yes have dad energy

akutagawa: help me father nakahara

chuuya: NOT YOU TOO

tachi: FATHER NAKAEHFEHABJF

higuchi: LMAO

chuuya: what am i supposed to help with???

chuuya: i'm dating dazai

chuuya: i should not be on a 'dating advice' pedestal

higuchi: he's oblivious to his feelings

gin: at least you were aware

akutagawa: what feelings

tachi: BRO sorry to break it to you but you're head over heels for that catboy

akutagawa: i'm not 

gin: you act like i don't live with you and i don't hear you blasting your 'jinko' playlist 

gin: you have a PLAYLIST named JINKO

akutagawa: how do you know about that

higuchi: we all know about it

higuchi: we follow your spotify

akutagawa: unfollow it

gin: no

akutagawa: that playlist means nothing

chuuya: i'm sure a playlist consisting of ricky montgomery and billie eilish doesn't mean 'nothing'

chuuya: you have mr loverman on there

akutagawa: no i don't

tachi: dude we can. see it.

akutagawa: no you can't

higcuhi: 'everything i wanted' is on here

higuchi: are you okay???

chuuya: I CAN SEE YOU LISTENING TO IT RN

chuuya: you've been listening to 'last night on earth' on repeat for a while now

tachi: by who

higuchi: that's green day i think

tachi: ok brb

gin: I CAN HEAR HIM PLAYING IT 

gin: and you're. confident that you don't have feelings for him

akutagawa: i don't know where you all are getting that assumption from

tachi: IM LISTENING TO IT RN

tachi: dude.

tachi: dude.??!?!?

tachi: DUDE.

akutagawa: stop repeating the same word 

chuuya: i didn't even have a playlist for dazai

chuuya: you're on a whole different level

gin: so we’re going to ignore the untitled playlist you made two days ago 

gin: it’s all songs with the word fuck in the title

tachi: that’s definitely dazai

chuuya: that’s ABOUT dazai there’s a difference

akutagawa: please stop stalking peoples spotify

gin: talk to me when sweater weather stops playing 

gin: :)

Chapter Text

[2:01 PM] family chat

dazai: DAD

dazai: DEADBEAT

oda: what do you want

ango: am i the deadbeat

dazai: yeah

ango: so this conversation is over

dazai: NO COME ON ITS IMPORTANT

dazai: LIKE SUPER IMPORTANT

dazai: ITS YOUR DUTY AS MY DADS

ango: i'm a deadbeat. i don't need to do this

dazai: you're trying to earn back my love

ango: im really not

dazai: OK N E WAYZ

dazai: CAN I SAY SOMETHING WITHOUT BEING RIDICULED

oda: i'd say yes but then i'd be lying

dazai: SHSHSHHHHH

dazai: LET ME HAVE THIS

dazai: PLS

ango: how do i leave a chat

oda: boomer

ango: we're??? the same age?????

ango: ok

dazai: DO U REMEMBER CHUUYA

oda: what did you do to him

dazai: UMMM UR NOT ANSWERING MY QUESTION

oda: i briefly remember him yes

dazai:  @ango

ango: i have no clue who you're talking about

ango: which one of your victims is he

dazai: the short one

oda: the short one

ango: the ginger?

oda: dazai doesn't have that many friends how are you mixing them up

ango: sorry i'm not invested in our son's life

dazai: oh yeah u guys are grandparents too now lmao

ango: SEE

ango: HE DOESN'T EVEN TELL US STUFF

oda: i cannot deal with anymore children

oda: who is your child dazai

dazai: Q

oda: i choose not to be a grandparent

oda: sorry they're your problem

ango: i'll just follow oda's words

dazai: WTF

dazai: anyway back to chuuya

dazai: can i add him

dazai added chuuya

oda: why

oda: oh you did it anyway

dazai: CHUUUYAAAA

chuuya: WHAT

chuuya: what is this

chuuya: why am i here

ango: ^ same question

dazai: you’re meeting my dads 

ango: chuuya, blink twice if you need help

oda: my condolences, chuuya

chuuya: why couldn’t dazai get any of your genes 

dazai: i came here for love and i’m being hurt 

chuuya: i hate you! 

oda: welcome to the family

oda: you should come over for dinner

dazai: wait

dazai: you two live together now??

dazai: @oda HE LIVES WITH US??!//$:!:

dazai: I NEVER SEE ANGO

ango: HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW THIS

ango: YOU LIVE HERE

chuuya: he has a house???

chuuya: what’s the point of his dads living in the same house if he’s always at mine

oda: tax benefits

oda: we already got married so there wasn’t any point

dazai: wbeijswiwj?:$3!282&: MARRIED???)????”272?:!/!/?2&/

chuuya: dazai passed out 

ango: good

dazai: WHEN THE FUCK DIDYIU GET MARDIED 

oda: i like him better passed out 

ango: we got married for tax benefits 

chuuya: ill marry dazai for the death insurance 

ango: WELCOME TO THE FAMILY

dazai: simply what if my boyfriend and my dads did not gang up on me

dazai: YOU'RE MY DADS YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO APPROVE OF MY BOYFRIEND

oda: i like him

ango: he's one of your victims

ango: he needs all the support he can get

chuuya: DONT call me your boyfriend

dazai: BUT YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND

chuuya: yeah but don't call me that

chuuya: its embarassing

oda: LMAOOOO

ango: i can't believe i just saw oda say 'LMAO'

oda: quiet you

ango: pft alright

dazai: STOP FLIRTING

oda: WE'RE MARRIED

dazai: AAAAAH DONT REMIND ME

Chapter Text

chuuya, dazai

dazai: should i make grilled cheese or quesadilla

chuuya: grilled cheese

dazai: POG

dazai: WE RAN OUTTA FUXJUNF CHEESE

dazai: im making pancakes 

dazai: update we had FUCKINGN CHEESE but i already stared the damn pancakes

chuuya: sucks

dazai: waif i don’t think i’ve ever made pancakes before

dazai: pancake batter does not taste good

chuuya: you're not supposed to eat the pancake batter

dazai: same as cake batter right

dazai: ou wtf those pancakes are just eggs

dazai: did i read the recipe wrong

dazai: did i use too much egg

dazai: indont like eggs

dazai: dazai being a bad cook: a thread
- that one time the toaster was smoking
- don’t put paprika in sweet eggs
- eggs don’t go in the microwave
- i dont think you are supposed to bake lettuce
- i tried to make cookies, but this looks like a scone
- pancakes 0/10

dazai: OH SHIR WAIR I CAN MAKE CREPES

chuuya: I LOVE CREPES

dazai: IM GONNA TRY

dazai: HOLY SHIT

dazai: IT MIGHT WORK

dazai: HOKY

dazai: on today’s episode of dazai’s cooking and the results are questionable

dazai:  1 image attachment

dazai: what is a fuckinf circle

chuuya: what the fuck is that

dazai: i don’t know

dazai: it said thin

dazai: google san said thin

dazai: help

dazai: you gotta make the outside THEN put stuff in i

dazai: i'm

dazai: i'm making atsushi eat the pancakes

chuuya: may he rest in peace

dazai: WEIR THE DUCK HE ACTUALLY LIKESNIT

dazai: ATSUSHI SAID HELL EAT IT WTF

dazai: THIS STUFF TASTES BAD

dazai:  1 image attachment

dazai: help

chuuya: what the fucj

dazai: making of list of things i can’t cook

chuuya: everything.

dazai: - eggs
- pancakes
- bok choi

dazai: BITCH I CAN MAKE GRILLED VHEES

dazai: I MAKS GRILLED CHEESE

chuuya: you couldnt even find the cheese

dazai: WELL I DID NOW

dazai: i might have burned a tiny corner of one side of the grilled cheese

dazai: still edible

dazai: i'll give it to kunikida

dazai: ok storyline

dazai: storyline

dazai: storytime

dazai: i tried to maks bok choi yanno

chuuya: storyline or storytime????

dazai: STORYTIME

chuuya: OK

dazai: i try make leafy green. in the microwave. like moicrowsve steamer but

dazai: i forgot to add the water

dazai: to steam it

chuuya: i hope it blew up

dazai: the greens turned black

chuuya: close enough

dazai: oh and this one time i sprayed cooking oil on my phone and dropped it

chuuya: i'm not even going to dwell on how you managed that

chuuya: did you just directly spray it on your phone?

dazai: THE PHONE WAS OILY

chuuya: HOW

dazai: like it was next to what i was spraying

dazai: i play music in the kitchen

chuuya: why didnt you move it ????

dazai: IDK I DIDNT SEE IT??? HUBRIS??

dazai: i was like. “ok i can spray this nicely AH FUCK I CANT I CANT”

chuuya: STOP SAYING HUBRIS I DONT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS

dazai: one time also i tried to melt chocolate in the microwave to make chocolate sauce but it got burnt instead

dazai: in 6th grade i blew up a pbj in the microwave too

chuuya: jesus christ

dazai: i got banned from working the snack shack

chuuya: GOOD

dazai: and then a day later kenji and ranpo blew up a quesadilla on the stove

dazai: all three of us got banned

dazai: and when we got unbanned we ate the cocoa powder and almost choked to death

dazai: ONE TIME I ALMOST MADE ATSUSHI EAT MOLDY BANANA BFEAD BC I DIDNT SEE THE MOLD

chuuya: i pity your coworkers

dazai: i make good grilled cheese

dazai: and banana bread

dazai: redeeming qualities

chuuya: your ONLY redeeming qualities

Chapter Text

nikolai:  3 video attachments

nikolai:  @everyone

fyodor: why would you share that

nikolai: it's funny!!!!

fyodor: it's not

sigma balls: it's not loading for me

sigma balls: who changed my nickname

fyodor: nikolai

nikolai: it was fyodors anemic ass >:(

fyodor: what does my anemia have anything to do with this?

nikolai: because you dont remember

fyodor: what

nikolai: you can't even remember what you own illness does to you </3

fyodor: i'm not even going to correct you

sigma balls: change it back

fyodor: it wasn't me

sigma balls: i'm not talking to you

sigma balls: nikolai

nikolai: why am i always getting accused <////3

sigma balls: because you're literally admin

fyodor: when did you remove admin from me

nikolai: when you started acting like a little bitch

nikolai: BOOM get dfuckg

nikolai: GET FUCKED

fyodor: how do i leave 

sigma balls: why is there 'balls' after my name

sigma balls: it's obviously inappropriate but what does it mean

nikolai: because your name rhymes with ligma

fyodor: how old are you

nikolai: yknow. ligma

sigma balls: ligma?

sigma balls: i dont know what ligma is

nikolai: its fucking ligma dude

sigma balls: I DONT KNOW WHAT LIGMA IS

nikolai: LIGMA!!!

nikolai: ITS FUCKINGT LIGMA 

sigma balls: WHATS LIGMA

fyodor left the chat

nikolai: LIGMA FUCKING BALLS BITCH

nikolai: HOLTY SHIT

nikolai: LIGMA BALLS!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

nikolai: FOR FUCKS SAKE LIGMA BALS

nikolai: LGSLK BALDS

sigma balls: i don't get it

nikolai: .

nikolai: you're ruining the joke

sigma balls: it must be a bad joke since i don't fucking get it

corndog: say it out loud

nikolai: OMFG BRAMS ALIVE

corndog: why did you share three videos of fyodor in a ratatoullie costume

corndog: why is my name corndog

nikolai: bc of the stick

corndog: what 

nikolai: nvm go back to sleep or sumn

corndog: ok

sigma balls: are you fucking kidding me

sigma balls: how immature are you

sigma balls: lick my balls?

sigma balls: are you joking??

sigma balls: i know you're laughing right now

sigma balls: it's NOT funny

sigma balls: your joke isn't funny

nikolai added fyodor

nikolai: dos-kun tell him it's funny </3

nikolai: he's hurting my feelings <////3

fyodor: no

sigma balls: CHANGE MY NAME BACK 

nikolai changed sigma balls to sigma

nikolai: i feel assaulted :(

fyodor: we're nowhere near you physically

nikolai: you assaulted my feelings

sigma: cry about it

nikolai added fukuchi

nikolaI: DAD

fukuchi: where am i

fukuchi left the chat

fyodor: deserved

nikolai: HELP

sigma: you really should stop saying "help" when you're laughing

sigma: one of these days you're gonna be in immediate danger and you're gonna text us "HELP" and we're just going to reply with "LMAO"

fyodor: that would be funny i think

nikolai: not gonna lie i would laugh

nikolai: that's funny as hell

sigma: honestly, how immature can you be

fyodor: you'd be surprised

nikolai: A LOT MORE IMMATURE

sigma: i'm done. you're annoying

nikolai: bye babe

sigma: no

Chapter Text

Q added chuuya, akutagawa

Q: WHAT THE HELL

Q: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS

akutagawa: hm?

Q: DONT HM ME

Q: YOU FUYCKIGN

Q: MCR REJECG

Q: YOU TWO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT

chuuya: maybe you shouldn't have sent those pictures  :)

Q: FUCM YOU

Q: THIS IS LITERALLYU NOT EVEN FAIR

akutagawa: i think it's very fair

Q: WELL ITS NOT

Q: THIS IS TORTURE

chuuya: the pictures aside, akutagawa and i are busy. dazai was the only one available

Q: I WOUDLVE LIKED ATSUSHI BETTER

chuuya: he's terrified of you

Q: THATS THE FUN PART

Q: DONT YOU REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME WHEN DAZAI SAN WATCHED ME

chuuya: you'll have to be more specific

Q: DIRT WATER

Q: HE FED ME DIRT WATER AND TOLD ME IT WAS CHOCOLATE MILK

akutagawa: deserved

Q: NO!! NOT DESERVED!!!! IM BABY

chuuya: you are NOT baby.

Q: IM BABY. IM BABY.

chuuya: did you stab dazai?

Q: did he tell u i did

chuuya: yes, he did. he just texted me

Q: h'es a filthy liar

Q: i ATTEMPTED to

Q: HELP HES TRYING TO FEED ME DRY PASTA

Q:  HELP ME

Q: CHUUYA SAN

Q: HES TRYING TO KILL ME

chuuya: no he just sucks at cooking

akutagawa: just tell him to make you a sandwich

Q: there'll be laxatives in it like last time

akutagawa: he put laxatives in your sandwich?

Q: no i did but he switched the sandwiches :/

akutagawa: then don't put laxatives in his sandwich?

Q: no

akutagawa: die then

Q: CHUUYA SAN

chuuya: why are you calling me expecting me to help you?

Q: i hate you the least

chuuya: you threw a chair at me

Q: you threw a table at me

chuuya: touche

akutagawa: i remember that

akutagawa: you don't like me? i didn't throw a table at you.

chuuya: hey why are you trying to win them over

akutagawa: i'm not. i'm just curious on our rankings

Q: i'll tell you my rankings since you wanna know so bad whose my favorite because im so cute you wanna be my favorite so bad

Q: FIRST PLACE MEANING MY FAVORITE IS

Q: atsushi

Q: reasoning: hes terrified of me and i get to harass him and assault him and he doesnt do anything about it

akutagawa: i pity him

Q: 2nd place: chuuya

chuuya: oh?

Q: you threw a table at me and you try to poison me nightly with vegetables but youre decent

Q: thrid place: akutagawa

akutagawa: i never threw a table at you

Q: you stood on the side and pretended you werent seeing anything thats worse

Q: last place is dazai obviousl y 

Q: HERL

Q: HE LOCKED ME IN THE GARAGE

Q: HE LOCKED ME IN THE GARAGE

chuuya: what do you want us to do about it

Q: TELL HIM TO LET ME OUT

akutagawa: give them 15 minutes

chuuya: yeah i know

Chapter Text

oda: @ango

oda: @ango

oda: @ango

oda: stop muting my notifs

oda: @ango

oda: @ango

oda: @ango

fuckzawa: this is a faculty chat

oda: exactly

oda: he can’t block me here

ango: what do you WANT

oda: hi babe

mori: so THATS where dazai gets it from

ango: stop calling me babe

ango: THIS IS A FACULTY CHAT

ango: USED FOR PROFESSIONAL PURPOSES

fuckzawa: are we going to say anything about my name

mori: no let’s watch this happen

oda: ok and

oda: what do you want for dinner babe

mori: not in front of me ew

fuckzawa: that’s what i say when i think of you

ango: i want a nice, peaceful dinner alone with no kids and certainly not a certain blockhead with an unshaven face

oda: chuuya is coming over

ango: order takeout i dont trust you or dazai cooking for either of us

mori: WHAT

mori: NOW YOURE TAKING -MY- KIDS THIS IS UNFAIR

fuckzawa: nobody likes you

mori: you like me ;)

fuckzawa: i dont

fuckzawa: not me

fuckzawa: wrong bitch

fuckzawa: fuckzawa out

fuckzawa: ╰ (*´ ︶ `*) ╯

mori: choke and die ( ＾ ω ＾）

ango: YOURE BOTH 40 WHERE ARE YOU LEARNING THIS

oda: i showed them ✌︎ ('ω') ✌︎

ango: i want a divorce ಠ _ ಠ

oda: you used that joke yesterday with chuuya

oda: can’t you pick a better insult for your dear husband (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ ｀ )

mori: husband????

mori: HUSBAND

fuckzawa: you finally got married?

ango: tax benefits

ango: what do you mean finally???

fuckzawa: he thinks the mole on your face is cute

fuckzawa: he stares at you across the hallway

fuckzawa: like this (*´ ꒳ `*)

fuckzawa: simp culture

fuckzawa: he’s whipped

mori: PLEASE stop typing like that

oda: it’s a lifestyle

oda: appreciating ango is a way of living

oda: of breathing

oda: o great ango what do you request for dinner

ango: i literally just told you

fuckzawa: add natsume sensei we had bets

ango: YOU PUT BETS ON US??

mori: aren’t you like a spy or something?? you didn’t notice??

fuckzawa: he was too busy fantasizing about oda

ango: FALSE INFORMATION!!! WE GOT MARRIED FOR TAX BENEFITS

mori: you’re still married though

mori added natsume

mori changed natsume to cat man

cat man changed mori to shit man

shit man: that’s not even funny

cat man changed shit man to nori

fuckzawa: that’s funny

cat man: i want my money

ango: YOU ACTUALLY PLACED BETS???

oda: yeah i think i did too

oda: i lost

ango: YOU LITERAY MARRIED ME???

oda: i didn’t think it’d actually happen

fuckzawa: who proposed?

oda: him

ango: him

oda: oh??? i was the one proposed??? YOU WERE CRYING OVER US

oda: YOU proposed

ango: Y O U WERE CRYING!! YOU LITERALLY CONFESSED

oda: YOU CONFESSED FIRST

ango: it was you

ango: i’m not a weak bitch

oda: it was YOU

nori: didn’t francis have a bet too?

ango: he doesn’t need any more money

ango: i dont know how he does it

ango: but he is FILTHY RICH

oda:  he deals drugs

nori added francis

francis: why am i here???

francis: oh

francis: broke people talk

francis: im outta here

francis: call me when you settle the checks

francis: moneyman out

francis left the chat

fuckzawa: the way he took his cash and left.... (¬_¬)

ango: i have a headache

cat man: i would like MY money

nori: how much do i owe you?

fuckzawa: split your entire year’s savings 3 ways

nori: THAT WAS NOT THE DEAL

fuckzawa: someone sounds like a sore loser (*^ω^*)

nori: IM NOT A LOSER

nori: THEY STILL HAVENT TOLD US WHO PROPOSED

oda: it was ango

ango: it was oda

oda: ANGO

ango: ODA

oda:  ANGOOOOO

ango:  ODAAAAA

cat man: sasuke

fuckzawa: naruto

nori: goku

fuckzawa: what the fuck (｡-_-｡)

nori: i felt left out

Chapter Text

kunikida: do i have boobs

RANpoe: you said it, not me

kunikida: im asking??

kunikida: someone on instagram

kunikida: "boobies out like our god zhongli”

yosano: as a god, i say youre a god

tanizaki: yas yosano goddess!!!

RANpoe: yosano fancam when

RANpoe: KUNIKIDA GOD EDIT WHEN???

kunikida: im not god?????

kenji: i wouldn’t be opposed if kunikida was god!

tanizaki: kunikida god confirmed
tanizaki: breathe if you agree

tanizaki: @everyone breathe

RANpoe: breathes

yosano: breathes

tanizaki: BREATHES

sushi: breathes

akutagawa: breathes

sushi: i know you not breathing with all that nicotine in your lungs akutagawa

akutagawa: shut up. SHUT UP.

akutagawa: I DO NOT HAVE A NICOTINE ADDICTION.

sushi: stage one denial

chibi: caa va? erci!! c,,a v,,a  TRES FUCKIINGB,,BIEN!!!!

tanizaki: ???

tanizaki: i can read fucking and thats about it

ranPOE: he says… how are you? thank you, very good?

sushi: you know french???

ranPOE: ranpo said it was sexy so i learned some

RANpoe: i dont run after men but if he’s six feet tall, has a pet raccoon and learns french for me, i might jog a lil

dazai: chibi is none of those things </3

chibi: J E  SUUIIS. HHMOOSE,XUUAL

ranPOE: i am gay

RANpoe: french is supposed to be sexy wth

akutagawa: aren’t you gay?

sushi: YOURE homophobic

akutagawa: IM FUCKING GAY

akutagawa: you went with me to the carnival

sushi: BC CHUUYA ASKED

dazai: and me!

chibi: idgaf abinbt you h

kunikida: does that even count as english?

yosano: CAN WE GO BACK TO THE PART WHERE ATSUSHI AND AKU WENT ON A DATE??

sushi: IT WAS NOT A DATE

akutagawa: IT WAS NOT A DATE

chibi: WONRTG

chibi: WROG

chibi: UYO ENWTF IN TGEER TUNEL N OFG LOVEWEEEJWOE

chibi: TOGETHETEREM

RANpoe: wrong, wrong. you went in the tunnel of love together

kunikida: thanks for translating

tanizaki: poe can speak rich white people language and ranpo can speak drunk chuuya language

tanizaki: powercouple methinks

kenji: #goals!!! 

tanizaki: yas kenji
tanizaki: #goals

tanizaki: #atsugawa when will you???? 

chibi: AT;TS  USSH I AKUUT,AGA.WA GOAALS

RANpoe: um this is supposed to be about me and poe 

RANpoe: why are u talking about Them. 

yosano: theyre gay

RANpoe: we’re gay too!! 

sushi: whos gay??

yosano: people like enemies to lovers better

ranPOE: we were enemies

yosano: it was homoerotic banter it doesnt even count

dazai: i agree with chibi

dazai: for once </3

chibi: ooIiiiii IDNTB RASKG OUYU SHIfTFEACbCE

RANpoe: i didnt ask you, shitface

dazai: i understand chibi in every language <3

chibi: choke

dazai: that wasn’t very hey mamaz of you :(

sushi: mamaz???

tanizaki: youre akutagawa’s mamaz

RANpoe: isnt the yosano the milf in this chat

akutagawa: stop.

yosano: one yes

yosano: two no, never

RANpoe: atsushi can you @ aku and say “hey mamaz”

sushi: NO

RANpoe: poe will buy you chazuke 

sushi: @akutagawa hey mamaz 😏😏😏🔥🔥

akutagawa: no

sushi: 🥶🥶💪💪💪 gotta stay on that chazuke grind
sushi: chazuke first 🙏 family second 😜💯💯💯

akutagawa: arent you an orphan

kenji: aw, atsushi… 

chibi: WHEHRESS;; YA MMAA GONE

tanizaki: OUTTA POCKET LMAOOOOOO

RANpoe: GOOBEYHYEYEEFWEJOFJ

RANpoe: OEJIOWJFNBBIHNNNHHEELELLPPP

ranPOE: i need akutagawa’s inhaler

ranPOE: or chuuya’s wine please

kunikida: those are illegal in all forms

dazai: there are worse things out there

chibi: you

dazai: see, look! 

dazai: he’s perfectly fine

sushi: shawty stay fine 😜

sushi: help

akutagawa: no, i dont think i will

sushi: enjoying the suffering of an lgbt huh

sushi: homophobe

dazai: you two h*ld h*nds 

sushi: NO WE DID NOT

sushi: WEAK ASS BITCH THREW UP AFTER THE FUCKIN SLIDE RIDE

sushi: I WAS MAKING SURE HE DIDNT MAKE MY JEANS DIRTY

akutagawa: I DIDNT EVEN THROW UP YOU JUST WANTED TO MAKE FUN OF ME

akutagawa: YOU CHOKED ME ON THE ROLLERCOASTER BC YOU WERE SCARED

tanizaki: yo what 😳

yosano: choke me like you hate me but you love me

chibi: ILS GAY

ranPOE: do i even need to translate that

tanizaki: enlighten us

ranPOE: they gay

sushi: IM gay HES homophobic

akutagawa: WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THAT

akutagawa: we went in the heart canoe ride together

akutagawa: THAT IS S O FUCKING GAY WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND

chibi: SHES A;; SHESS A  LAAgDDY NAD I AM JUSST; A ,BOwY SISNNG  GING SHES A  SHEES A  LLADY. ANND I  MA JUST A LINE WWIT..HUUT A OH BAABBY I AMM  A WRECK WHEN I WITHOUT YOU

RANpoe: NO NOT THE RICKY MONTGOMEREYJOSD

tanizaki: he’s setting the mood

chibi: I NEEEED YOU,U HERE TO SSTAAAAAY

akutagawa: broke all my bones that day i found you

yosano: are you okay

sushi: his nicotine is wearing off

akutagawa: IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME ILL PERSONALLY RIP YOUR LIMBS APART AND FEED THEM TO A DEMON DOG I SUMMON WITH YOUR BLOOD

chibi: BBROO..KE ALL MY  BONESS THAT; DDA YI FOUUND YOu

chibi: FUCK YU

chibi: DAMIT

dazai: Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden, oh

And if I could take it all back

I swear that I would pull you from the tide

RANpoe: we all know you pasted those lyrics from google

RANpoe: you listen to ONE THING

RANpoe: and its the theme for milo murphy’s law

chibi: STOP

chibi: IM SINGIG 

chibi: NOT YOU

dazai: **screaming but ok go off 

chibi: youerej;o very lucknby i am inkmgs love wibgt youhf or 

chibi: ‘’;lyoub wouobsd be deaede shatwy

RANpoe: youre very lucky i am in love with you or you would be dead

RANpoe: shawty

dazai: no hes shorty

chibi: NON JE SUIIS GRANDE!A!!!!

dazai: no, youre chibi

dazai: 私のちび

ranPOE: i didnt even translate that??

dazai: i always know what ちび is saying <3

chibi: EAT GLASS

dazai: かわいいね、ちびちゃん！

ranPOE: i give up

tanizaki: im sure we all have

kunikida: text us back when youre sober

chibi: @evhebr yone CHOKE