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It was already dark, Magnus was inside the loft, and Alec was sitting outside on the balcony, looking over at the Brooklyn Bridge. Lost in thoughts.
Touch.
Such a simple thing, one would say. But the consequences of missing it are quite significant. Alec was thinking about the time -before Magnus- as he called the days when he tried to suppress his true self. Those days, when he longed for a thing as simple as human touch, from someone who could love him the way he would love them. Of course, he has his family. Isabelle, who gives him hugs regularly, Jace whit his back pats and little Max, even his mother is now more open to hugs and affections. Still …. It’s not the same.
It’s well known that if you starve touch are a child, you can develop horrible social skills and a problem with intimacy. No wonder that he is such a grumpy cat. The intimacy problem wasn’t just because of starving for positive touch; it was also his sexuality, which he tried to hide for as long as possible. He remembers the lonely night, longing for the warmth of a human body next to his. That’s maybe why he developed his stupid crush on Jace when they were younger. Who knows. Luckily, he doesn’t need to experience it again. He found his place in this world. With his beautiful warlock boyfriend, soon to be fiancé and hopefully, one day even husband. With that thought, he can feel the warmth in his body, spreading like a warm blanket, surrounding him in its warm. The train of thoughts continues while he sips on his whiskey.
It’s amazing what simple touch can do to us. It could bring pleasure, or it could also be a sign of companionship. There are many ways how we can use touch. Not that we often think about it, Alec mulls over. Touch can even hurt. He considers all the scars on his body. Not all of them are from his lifestyle as Shadowhunter; some of them are also from training and little accidents. In his youth, unfortunately, he experienced more painful touches. Now he hopes, he will have the rest of his life to cure them, with the help of his amazing man.
A gentle smile found his way on his lips. His Magnus, the always graceful warlock, with his gentle words and even softer touches. He learned from him that it’s not a bad thing to cuddle, to ask for a hug or just for simple hand-holding. Magnus taught him to appreciate every touch they exchange. Taught him how to bring pleasure, reassurance and mostly, how to banish the loneliness he felt for such a long time. The loneliness, Alec remembers, was the worst. The way he felt lonely even in the room full of people, how he was afraid to even think about it sometimes. It was overwhelming. It’s in the past now, and he can’t feel it anymore. Still, every time he thinks about the dark times before Magnus, it’s like all the warm is leaving his body, and he is left with the ice-cold feeling, slowly crawling in his guts to his heart.
Suddenly, he breaks out of his dark thoughts, feeling a gentle touch on his shoulders. Alec looks on the hand he can see in his peripheral sight, and he sees the beautiful rings with M and B on long fingers with black nail polish.
“Oh” Alec think, “Magnus is here, Thanks the Angel.”
“Penny for your thoughts?” asked Magnus with his gentle voice.
“I missed you” reply Alec, and after few moments, he continues “I was thinking how everything changed when I met you.”
“Oh, really? And what changed, Alexander?” answer Magnus with a surprise in his tone.
“Me …. I mean, mostly me. My family is happier, and I can feel that it’s because I am happier. And that’s all because of you, Magnus. You make me happy. Before you, I was grumpy; I didn’t really have friends. I was … lonely. So incredibly lonely. Some days, I didn’t even want to get out of my bed. I couldn’t face the day with the knowledge that the only thing which can bring me happiness, will never be allowed in our world, just because I couldn’t love women the same way I love men.” Says Alec with a vulnerability he never felt before. “One man, in particular, you. You saved me, and I thank you for that. Thank you, Magnus, for everything you have done. For this world, for my family, but mostly for me. Thank you, my love.” With that last sentence, Alec rose from his spot on the balcony, took Magnus hands in his and slowly lead him to their bedroom, to show him, how much he appreciates him, how much he loves him.
That night, Alexander made love to Magnus with all his heart, he made sure to touch him in all the places Magnus liked. He showed him that his heart, his soul and his body is all Magnus’, so neither of them will ever feel deprived of the touch of those they love most.