Work Text:
The one asking questions: Shen Qingqiu
The one answering questions: Shang Qinghua and Mobei Jun
The three of them sat at a wooden table in the guest house of the Ice Palace. There was a good fire going,keeping the room at a comfortable temperature for the cultivators. Shen Qingqiu sat at one side,while Mobei Jun and Shang Qinghua sat the opposite end. The system,after everything had been resolved and plot holes filled,had given Shang Qinghua the task to ask the master-disciple couple some questions. Now that Shang Qinghua and Mobei Jun were officially together,it was only valid that Shen Qingqiu got the "mission" of interviewing the demon-human pair.
With a long sigh,Shen Qingqiu took out a pen,dipped it in ink,and asked the first question,"What is your name?"
"Mobei Jun",Shang Qinghua said,gesturing to the one sitting beside him,"and your favorite author,Shang Qinghua."
With a bored look as he scribbled the names,he asked the next question without looking up,"What is your age?"
Mobei Jun and Shang Qinghua looked at each other. Shang Qinghua was probably older,but by how many years,they didn't know. Wordlessly accepting that they didn't know each other's age,they moved to the next question.
Shen Qingqiu:"What is your sexuality?"
Shang Qinghua,"…"
Mobei Jun,"…"
Shen Qingqiu clears his throat,"What is your personality like?"
Shang Qinghua answers while scratching his neck,"Sort of nervous I guess? With a tad bit of cowardice?"
Mobei Jun answers with full confidence,"I do not know."
"Alright",Shen Qingqiu writes "hamster" beside Shang Qinghua and "ice cube" beside Mobei Jun,"What do you think of the other person's personality?"
"My King is really strong and brave! I feel like I'm safe from any and every danger when he's with me and it's really sexy when he fights. And his smile is adorable you should see the way his lips curl up at the slightest it makes me want to pinch his cheeks but he's so hardcore I think it won't suit his image. He's a good king too! He gives what needs to be given and punishes what needs to be punished. He's a real 10!"
Mobei Jun coughs a little to hide his blush at the shower of praises. He then speaks in his baritone voice,"Shang Qinghua is a strategist born in a scholar's body. He is beautiful. He is intelligent and very energetic. He is soft and very emotional. I like Shang Qinghua. He is also…a 10."
Shen Qingqiu's jaw has dropped to the floor and the ink on the brush is dripping on the paper. He has never seen Mobei Jun blush OR speak so many words together. He's brought back to Earth as he sees Shang Qinghua melt beside Mobei Jun and proceeds with the next question,"When did you two meet? Where was it?"
Shang Qinghua answers,"It was before I became a Peak Lord…I don't think I was even a head disciple when we met. It was outside Cang Qiong Sect near a village. Some An Ding disciples and I were bringing a carriage."
Seeing Mobei Jun nod in agreement with a crease between his brows and a completely relaxed Airplane bro,he hurriedly went to the next question before things went south, or north in this case,"What was your first impression of the other person?"
Shang Qinghua:"Hot"
Mobei Jun answers after looking at Shang Qinghua with a raised brow,"Coward"
If Shen Qingqiu could keyboard smash,he would do it right now. "What do you like about the other person?"
"My King is amazing. I love him so much I could cry",Shang Qinghua ends his answer by wiping a fake tear with Mobei Jun's cloak.
Mobei Jun answers unfazed,"Shang Qinghua is very soft to touch."
Shang Qinghua blushes red and hides his face in Mobei Jun's cloak,who looks proud for making Shang Qinghua fluster like that.
Shen Qingqiu mumbles under his breath,'what the fuck did I get myself into what the fuck is this system why did you give me a task like this…'
Shen Qingqiu,"What do you dislike about the other person?"
Shang Qinghua:"Nothing. I love everything about My King."
Mobei Jun:" Shang Qinghua works himself too much. He does not rest enough",he says looking dead into Shang Qinghua's eyes.
Shen Qingqiu,"What do you call the other person?"
"My King or husband."
"Shang Qinghua or husband."
Shen Qingqiu was about to combust,with embarrassment,shyness or shame,he didn't know. And honestly,he didn't want to know.
"What do you wish the other person to call you?"
"Anything is fine as long as it's from Shang Qinghua", Mobei Jun answers it like it's an order he's passing. Shen Qingqiu shivers under Mobei Jun's expression. Husband of the Lord of the Demon Realm or not, Shen Qingqiu wasn't used to seeing Mobei Jun like this.
(It almost feels like an invasion of privacy)
"I want to be called baby,or something cheeky like that you know? Like those kids at school?"
Mobei Jun furrows his eyebrows and asks,"You wish to be called a child?"
"Aiya no-no My King. I mean 'baby' as in a loving way you know how those women talk about how their husbands call them…?", Shang Qinghua plays with the fabric of Mobei Jun's cloak and looks up at him with puppy eyes, Mobei Jun's face softens and says as he pats Shang Qinghua's head,"Baby."
Shen Qingqiu's eyes are wide open. He feels like he will lose control of his eyelids. What sorcery is this? Did Airplane take a masterclass from Binghe? Or did Binghe-the protagonist-learn from Shang Qinghua? What is going on??
Shen Qingqiu:"If you were to liken them to an animal,what do you think they would be?"
"Shang Qinghua would be a hamster."
"My king would be an elegant Puma"
Shen Qingqiu: "If you had to send the other person a gift what would you choose? What gift would you want?"
Mobei Jun: "Robes made of the finest silk and lined with the fur of a beast I killed. I would want Shang Qinghua to wear them."
Shang Qinghua:"I would look for the rarest of artifacts and fetch them for my king. For my gift I like when my king cooks for me,getting railed is a bonus."
'Ever so horny', Shen Qingqiu thinks to himself as he writes the answer and moves on to the next question,"What stage has your relationship progressed to?"
Shang Qinghua casually answers while Mobei Jun looks unaffected,"We've pretty much done everything. For bedroom matters though we still have a lot to experiment with."
Shen Qingqiu:"Where did the two of you have your first date?"
"My King's quarters", answered Shang Qinghua. Mobei Jun nods.
Shen Qingqiu:"What was your mood at that time?"
Shang Qinghua,"It was fine. I mean, I was happy that my king came for me and we talked but the whole ordeal with Linguang Jun was exhausting.
Mobei Jun:"Good."
Shen Qingqiu:"A frequent location for a date is?"
Mobei Jun answers,"Leisure House."
Shen Qingqiu swears he saw Shang Qinghua deflate like a balloon. So their demon husbands were not so different after all.
Shen Qingqiu:"Which side confessed first?"
Shang Qinghua,"I don't remember.Pass"
Mobei Jun,"I do not remember either. Pass"
Shen Qingqiu:"What does the other person have to do to make you feel like you're at wit's end?"
Shang Qinghua,"React before I speak."
Mobei Jun,"Flee before confronting."
"Old habits die hard,My King."
"En"
Shen Qingqiu:"When the two of you are together what is the thing that makes your pulse race the most?"
Shang Qinghua,"My King's eyes on me are enough to make my heart go doki-doki."
Mobei Jun,"When Shang Qinghua smiles and calls me with his arms open."
Shen Qingqiu was going to ascend to the heavens and fall back down. He swears he saw Mobei Jun smile and his eyes turn sparkly as he talked about Shang Qinghua with a faint blush on his cheeks before regaining his composure,looking as regal as ever. Was it a demon thing?
Shen Qingqiu:"Have you ever lied to the other person? Are you good at lying?"
Shang Qinghua:"I have never lied to my king,but I am good at lying."
Mobei Jun:"I do not lie. I am not sure if I'm a good liar."
Shen Qingqiu:"Have you ever fought before? What kind of fight was it?"
Shang Qinghua:"Well we used to fight a lot before but-"
Mobei Jun:"Pass."
Shen Qingqiu:"?"
Mobei Jun:"Pass"
Seeing the grave look on his eyes and the slight concerned expression of Shang Qinghua, he decided not to push the matter,"How did you make up afterwards?"
Mobei Jun:"Talking."
Shen Qingqiu:"Is your relationship public or secret?"
Shang Qinghua:"We don't have any 'Resentment' written about us so those who know, know and those who don't know, don't."
Shen Qingqiu,"Who is the-",he looks up before finishing the question,"never mind I already know the answer."
(a/n: it's the who's the gong (top) and shou (bottom) question)
Shen Qingqiu:"Why did you decide on this?"
Shang Qinghua:"Transmigrator solidarity."
'Seems valid',Shen Qingqiu,"When did you first have intimate skin on skin contact?"
Mobei Jun:"The inn Shang Qinghua brought us to."
Shen Qingqiu:"Inn?"
Shang Qinghua,"Oh yeah,it was in some town outside the sect. It was really hot so I sort of plopped on him,ya know? With him being cool and all…"
How the fuck is that "intimate"??
Shen Qingqiu:"On the morning of your first time,what was your first sentence?"
Mobei Jun:"Good Morning."
Shen Qingqiu sympathised with Shang Qinghua's pained expression,"How many times do you have intercourse each month?"
Shang Qinghua starts counting on his fingers, and sees Mobei Jun follow the calculating fingers, sometimes pitching in as they both were thinking the same thing.
"We don't know."
Shen Qingqiu:"…"
"…"
Shen Qingqiu,"Nevermind. Generally speaking,the location for your intimate skin on skin contact is?"
Mobei Jun:"Wherever Shang Qinghua is present."
Shang Qinghua blushes at the response,"And for me it's wherever my king is."
Too much. This was too much. Is this how everyone feels when Binghe is with him?
Shen Qingqiu:"Where do you want to attempt ［BEEP］at?"
Before he could even finish the question,Shang Qinghua passionately slams the desk and says"Northern Palace Courtroom."
Mobei Jun raises his eyebrow and smirks,clearly amused and surprised by the response. Shen Qingqiu on the other hand, is disappointed but not surprised. Who knew his bro would have a voyeurism kink!
Shen Qingqiu: "When you ［BEEP］is there any kind of arrangement that you two have?"
Mobei Jun:"Shang Qinghua is very flexible."
Shen Qingqiu writes 'probably a contortionist' beside Shang Qinghua's name,"With regards to the way of thinking that even if you can’t obtain their heart, at the very least you still have to obtain their [BEEP], do you approve of it or oppose it?”
Shang Qinghua:"Pass"
Mobei Jun: "Disapprove"
Shen Qingqiu:"If the other person were to be forcefully ［BEEP］by a thug, what would you do?"
Shang Qinghua:"No one dares to look my king in the eyes, who would do something like that?"
Mobei Jun:"Cut their head off their body and hang it in the courtroom,feed the body to dogs."
Shen Qingqiu, slightly uncomfortable with the colorful description, cleared his throat,“If a good friend told you I’m very lonely so just for tonight, please……and requests for intimate skin on skin contact, would you?”
Shang Qinghua:"Didn't we cuddle once?"
Mobei Jun snapped with a "No" and both cultivators felt the room temperature drop.
"Aiya My King!My King! It was a long time ago! I haven't had intimate contact with anyone but you! I swear!"
Mobei Jun stared into Shang Qinghua's eyes,then looked ahead. After feeling the temperature come back to normal,the next question was asked,
"Do you think that you’re good at making love? What about the other person?”
Shang Qinghua:"I think my skills are average,but my king is amazing both in skill and stamina! I absolutely love it wh-"
Shen Qingqiu coughs to stop his rambling before it became TMI. Airplane was shameless for sure, but no one could stop his rambling about Mobei Jun except Mobei Jun himself.
Mobei Jun:"Since my husband thinks I'm good,I believe I'm good at it. Shang Qinghua is also good",he looks at Shang Qinghua. To outsiders it may seem that Mobei Jun was looking for approval, but Shang Qinghua knew that his king's eyes and heart spoke more than his words.
Shen Qingqiu is tired, but he doesn't want his B-points deducted,"Do you have any interest towards [BEEP] [BEEP]?”
Shang Qinghua:"Very. We have done a lot of things. With a lot more left."
Shen Qingqiu:"During sexual intercourse, what’s something that’s relatively painful for you?”
Mobei Jun's ears perk up to listen to the answer.Shang Qinghua," Only entering is a bit painful but only in a good way. My King makes sure I don't hurt anywhere. But the "after" is always sore. You know right, we're bottom bros!"
Shen Qingqiu is shocked at the new unit name, his eyebrow twitches as he tries to regain his composure,"Has there ever been a case where the shou took the initiative to seduce?”
Mobei Jun:"Many times."
Shen Qingqiu:"Where do you like being kissed by the other person?”
Shang Qinghua:"Everywhere"
Mobei Jun:"Everywhere."
Shen Qingqiu sees a slight blush on Mobei Jun's cheeks and the glint in Shang Qinghua's eyes that is present when he's planning something."What pleases the other person the most during [BEEP]?”
Shang Qinghua:"I like it when my king bites."
Mobei Jun,"Possessive gripping."
'That's a new one', Shen Qingqiu thinks,"At that time what would you think of?”
Shang Qinghua:"I don't remember if I think anything during it."
Mobei Jun:"Shang Qinghua."
Shen Qingqiu,"Do you take off the clothes yourself or does the other person help take them off?”
Shang Qinghua,"Depends."
Shen Qingqiu,"Approximately how many times in one day?”
Shang Qinghua,"Also depends on how much time we have. Cucumber bro it would be nice if your husband takes over for some time your honeymoon was probably more than six months but my king and I don't even get six days alone."
Mobei Jun stirs a bit since Luo Binghe still was his superior, but considering the relationship between Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua he didn't know if he should say something.
Shen Qingqiu, feeling a bit sorry for his transmigrator companion said,"You…do have a point. I'll talk to Binghe."
"Thank you Cucumber bro! I'll write a good book for you! Thank you!"
Shen Qingqiu waved his hand,"It's fine it's fine. I'm tired of listening to you talk about Mobei Jun all day."
"There are no more questions?",Mobei Jun asks as he sees Shen Qingqiu collect the papers.
"No. Airp- Shang shidi didn't ask anymore than this,so I didn't ask more."
Mobei Jun nods as Shang Qinghua remembers what the other questions were. He sends a silent prayer of thanks to Cucumber bro for not asking them.
"I'll be taking my leave. Thank you for having me."
Mobei Jun nods his head in a silent yet regal way of saying "bye" while Shang Qinghua waves his hand,"See you later!"
_________
"Shang Qinghua"
"Yes,My King?"
Shang Qinghua's eyes goes down to see the ribbon in Mobei Jun's hands,"Explore?"
Shang Qinghua,with a sparkle in his eyes,"Explore."