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“Absolutely not.”
“Psh, too bad, Craig. You think I wanted this?”
“Go away.”
Cartman turned his desk, slamming it against the front of Tweek's as they faced each other, giving a glare to Craig, who narrowed his eyes and flipped him off.
“Yeah, go away!” Tweek said, his desk side by side with Craig’s. “We’re not working with you.”
“You think I want to work with you losers?” Cartman said. “Everyone else already has a group!”
Craig rubbed his forehead, feeling a headache come on. Why weren’t they fast enough choosing their partners? He glanced over at those traitors Clyde and Token, who had paired up with Bebe and Nichole, and was promptly ignored.
“What happened to your friends? They finally figure out you’re a piece of shit?” Craig asked.
“Fuck you!” Cartman said. “Stan had to have his little girlfriend in the group!” He stuck his tongue out at the group of Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Wendy. “They replaced me. Those fucking assholes.”
“Can we replace you?” Craig responded.
“Hey fellas!” Butters scooted his desk next to Cartman. “Looks like we’re one big group! Neat-o!”
“Butters...damnit.” Cartman said.
Craig laid his head face down on the desk. How was it that he was both super lucky to pair up with Tweek, but also so super unlucky to get stuck with both Cartman and Butters?
It was bad enough that this project involved a presentation in front of the whole class. But now it was going to be ten times more difficult to even get anything done at all.
Craig, head still down and grateful no one could see him, smiled just slightly as he felt a hand on his back. At least there was some silver lining.
“It’ll be alright.” Tweek leaned down, whispering in his ear.
“Fucking gay.” Cartman said.
Craig sat back up. “Fuck off. Let’s just get this over with.”
Each group of four was assigned to complete a presentation around a specific decade. The presentation needed to consist of PowerPoint slides and needed to detail the highlights of the decade, ranging from top news stories to pop culture impacts.
Their group was assigned the 1990s.
“The 90s, huh?” Cartman said, stuffing his face with the bag of chips he took out of his backpack. “Gotta add one big slide about the president receiving a blow job. I’m sure Tweek can handle that one - he’s probably an expert.”
Tweek facepalmed. Craig narrowed his eyebrows, flipping off Cartman again for what would probably be one of many times.
“I’m just saying,” Cartman’s voice was muffled by the chips.
“Can we do a slide about the Spice Girls?” Butters asked.
“Butters! What the fuck!” Cartman said. “Don’t be fucking gay!”
“The Spice Girls had a big pop culture influence, you dick!” Tweek said.
Craig took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He leaned his head on his hand, watching as Tweek and Cartman argued with each other. He was proud of his boyfriend; in the past, he might not have put up much of a fight against Cartman. Especially during the times he was part of their friend group. But recently, Tweek had really come out of his shell, and now said what was on his mind.
Craig watched Tweek’s face contort into a glare, and watched his mouth move as he laid into Cartman. He watched Tweek point a finger too to emphasize his point. Craig couldn’t help the smile come to his face once more.
“Helloooo…earth to Craig!” A hand waved in front of his face.
Craig blinked a few times.
“What do you think? Any ideas?” Butters asked.
“Yeah, Craig, quit thinking about sucking Tweek’s dick and pitch in a little.” Cartman said. “Or are you the catcher? That actually seems about right.”
“God damnit.” Craig said.
“What do you think, Butters?” Cartman continued.
“Well, uh, I don’t think either of them play baseball.” Butters tapped his fingers on the desk.
“Butters…”
“Fuck off, Cartman.” Craig said. “You’re ten times gayer than we are. Or have you forgotten the last presentation you did where you showed us all a picture of you with Butters’ dick in your mouth?”
The entire classroom quieted down, and all eyes moved towards their group. So, he might have said that a little too loud.
Fuck em. He thought.
“Hey! Fuck you!” Cartman’s face was red. “You...you fucking asshole!”
Craig smirked and flipped him off again right as the bell rang.
***
"We'll get through it…" Tweek said. "...hopefully."
Craig and Tweek walked hand in hand down the street. Craig was surprised he managed to dodge detention after his stunt earlier, but he wasn’t complaining. Now he had all afternoon to spend with Tweek instead of Mr. Mackey.
Craig tightened his hold on Tweek’s hand as they stopped in front of the Tucker house. “I’m sure you’re right, babe.” Craig fiddled with his keys, stopping as Tweek took a hold of them, turning the two of them towards each other.
“At least we’re in the same group.” Tweek smiled. “So, if things go wrong, we can manage.” He leaned forward and planted a kiss right on Craig’s lips.
Craig felt his face turn hot, and he nearly dropped his keys. When Tweek pulled back, he couldn’t stop the goofy grin from taking over his face. There was just something about how Tweek was looking at him. It made him feel...well it made him feel things.
After what seemed like forever, Craig turned towards the door to unlock it and let them both inside. The house was quiet, as both his parents were at work, and Tricia hadn’t come home from school yet. But right as he closed the door, something blocked him.
“What the fuck.” Craig slammed the door once more, and a scream sounded on the other side of the door.
“God damnit!”
Craig rolled his eyes, opening the door all the way. “Go away.”
Cartman, whose foot was still planted just inside the doorway, glared at Craig. “That fucking hurt you asshole!”
“Oh, did it?” Craig tried to close the door again, but Cartman stopped it with his hands.
“Craig, seriously, we have a project to work on.” Cartman said, pushing his way into the house. “And I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to fail this time.”
Craig’s eyebrows narrowed in suspicion, and he gave a sideways glance to Tweek. He could almost hear Tweek’s unspoken response of Since when do you care? that was written all over his face.
Cartman seemed to read this too, directing his response to Tweek unprompted. “For your information, Tweek, I really care about this assignment and want us all to get a good grade.”
“Come on fellas, don’t you want to get a good grade too?” Butters peered in from outside.
And this was how the four of them ended up sitting around the dining room table, books, papers, phones, and laptops strewn about haphazardly. Cartman sat at the head of the table, flanked by Butters, and Tweek was seated to Craig’s left, their chairs so close they were nearly touching, but on the opposite side of the table from the other two.
Tweek was typing away on his laptop, searching for big events from the 90s as Butters started listing off things. Cartman had his feet on the table, and he was halfway through an extra-large bag of cheesy poofs he stole from the kitchen. His hands getting orange powder all over his pants and his phone, which he was currently scrolling through.
Craig took a deep breath.
“You know, we need to add that bombing,” Cartman said. “You know, the real big one!”
“Oklahoma City?” Tweek asked.
“Yeah, that one! That was sweet.” Cartman said, not looking up from his phone.
“What the fuck was sweet about it?” Tweek yelled. “People fucking died, you dick! Like, a lot of people!”
“That’s what makes it so sweet!”
Craig let out his breath. He leaned over again, resting his head on his hand, elbow on the table. Here we go again. He thought. He seemed to tune out the shouting match that began between his boyfriend and Cartman, but Tweek’s entire demeanor was something he couldn’t ignore. The way he was all fired up and standing his ground. The way he flipped off Cartman. The way he stood up and stormed off towards the kitchen. Craig felt that smile on his face again, which was promptly erased by a crumpled-up paper that hit him on the forehead.
“Craig! Do you think we should include it?” Butters asked.
“Huh? Oh…uh...well okay.” Craig said. He stood up and followed Tweek into the kitchen.
“Hey! Don’t make us do all the work out here!” Cartman’s voice diminished as he turned the corner.
Tweek was pacing back and forth, clenching and unclenching his fists.
“Babe,” Craig said.
“He’s such a prick.” Tweek said. “Fucking asshole.”
“Yeah, fuck em.” Craig said. “He is an asshole.”
Tweek stopped pacing, facing Craig, and started laughing. “Man, you always know how to make me feel better.”
Craig didn’t know how, he didn’t even do anything. So, he just shrugged his shoulders, which seemed to make Tweek laugh even harder. Before he knew it, Tweek had pulled him into a tight hug, and that same feeling in his face came back. Craig wrapped his arms around Tweek in return, and hid his face in Tweek’s blonde hair.
“Can we just...not go back out there?” Tweek asked.
“Yes.” Craig responded, voice muffled by Tweek’s hair. “That would make me sooo happy.”
Tweek laughed again.
When they returned, Cartman had finished the entire bag of cheesy poofs, and was showing Butters something on his phone. The two were laughing, but stopped as Craig and Tweek sat down.
“What.” Craig said.
“Nothing...nothing.” Cartman said.
“Yeah!” Butters said.
Craig frowned. “What.” He repeated.
“Nothing! God, Craig! Geeze.” Cartman said. “Come on we need a few more slides in order to pass.”
Craig sighed. This was going to be a long night.
***
After what seemed like forever, the project was finally completed. They had managed to finish the PowerPoint slides only having to meet one more time after the debacle at Craig’s house, and Craig was just grateful they were nearly done.
He sat in his desk in the back of the room, listening to Clyde ramble on about the 1988 election, where he was clearly just reading bullets taken from Wikipedia. Not that their presentation was any better, but Craig was still bitter that his best friend forced him to group with Cartman to begin with. He flipped off Clyde as they made eye contact, and Clyde glared at him.
He tuned out the rest of the presentation.
When the 1980s presentation was over, Craig reluctantly stood up, bumping into Clyde a bit as he walked up to the front of the class. Clyde shoved him back with little malice, and Craig just flipped him off again. He stood to the right of the projector screen with Tweek, as Cartman and Butters took their place on the left side.
“Hello everyone, yes, nice to see you all.” Cartman began. “We will be doing our presentation on the 1990s, a very important decade, as everyone would agree. Much better than the 1980s.”
Craig rolled his eyes.
“Butters, can you please start the slides?”
“Yes sir!” Butters saluted, standing over a laptop and furiously clicking the keys.
The PowerPoint started up, and the class burst into laughter.
What. Craig looked around the room. He glanced at Butters, who was giggling, and at Tweek, who’s eyes were wide.
On the screen was a picture of Craig and Tweek kissing in front of Craig’s house.
“What the fuck.” Craig said.
“Oh my! It seems that this is not the 1990s!” Cartman gasped. “Why, it’s our one and only Craig Tucker, resident bad boy of South Park Elementary!”
“Dude!” Craig yelled.
“Why yes! It seems that bad boy Tucker isn’t as bad as he makes himself out to be!” Cartman clicked through to the next slide, which showed Craig holding Tweek in the kitchen. “He’s a big gay softie.”
Craig was mortified. He reached out and tried to take the clicker from Cartman, but was unsuccessful.
“Yes yes, I believe someone said that I was ‘ten times gayer than they were’, was that right Craig? I think this demonstrates that that was a lie.” Cartman clicked again, and a picture of Craig, leaning over his hand with a clear lovestruck look on his face as he gazed at Tweek, appeared on the screen.
“Gay!” Clyde yelled over the laughter from the class.
Butters covered his mouth as he tried to stifle his laughs, but was unsuccessful.
The next few slides showed more pictures of Craig gazing at Tweek with that dumb look on his face. One in the classroom when they were supposed to be watching a movie. One in gym class, when Craig was supposed to be the goalie during their soccer game. One from recess when Craig was watching Tweek on the swings.
Craig pulled his hat down over his face. Fucking hell.
“Hmm...this looks pretty fucking gay to me.” Cartman said, rubbing his chin.
The laughter was so loud. Craig thought he would die right there. He was sure his face was as red as a tomato, but for all he knew, it could be as white as a sheet.
From his side, he heard a soft giggling. This was not the outright laughter he was hearing from the rest of the class, but a much more muted response. He pulled his hat up, and glanced at Tweek, and he thought his heart would stop at that moment.
Tweek was gazing at the photos on the screen, his face an exact replica of the expressions Craig was making in all the pictures. His head was tilted to the side and his mouth was turned up in a goofy grin.
Craig’s whole body felt warm, and the laughter in the room muted into the background. Tweek turned and looked at him, and those same feelings from the front of his house came rushing back. He couldn’t help but smile back at him.
“They’re both doing it now!” Cartman yelled. “Fucking gay!”
And as fast as it came, the moment left, and Tweek lunged at Cartman. “Shut the fuck up, man!”
Cartman screamed, toppling over as Tweek took swings at him. Butters stood up, trying to come to Cartman’s aid, but was shoved back by Tweek.
The laughter from the class turned to cheers and Tweek hit Cartman repeatedly. The teacher raced over to break them apart, and Craig just stared, unable to help his full toothed smile as Tweek landed a kick to Cartman’s side as he was pulled away from the fight.
“Does this mean we failed the project?” Butters asked.
***
Craig sat outside detention, kicking his feet back and forth as he watched the clock on his phone. Once it hit three thirty, the door opened, and students began piling out. Cartman exited the room, glaring at Craig as he limped towards the front of the school, and Craig flipped him off.
“How was detention, babe?” Craig asked as Tweek approached him.
“Urgh...fucking lame!” Tweek said. “I don’t know how you do it all the time.”
“You get used to it.” Craig held out his hand and Tweek took it.
“But it was fucking worth it!” Tweek said as they started to leave. “Did you see the bruise on Cartman’s face! I’ve been wanting to do that for days!”
Again with that feeling. Craig watched Tweek as he recounted all the times that Cartman had pissed him off over the last few days. It was Tweek’s messy blonde hair, his enthusiastic demeanor, his fired-up spirit. The fact that he took shit from no one.
“I fucking love you.” Craig said, interrupting Tweek’s tangent.
Tweek stopped walking. “You what!?”
Well, he couldn’t take that back now. “Uh…I said I fucking love you.”
Tweek smiled. “Well, I fucking love you too! No matter how fucking gay you are.”
“Ugh.” Craig said. “Let’s just...not come back to school tomorrow. Or ever.”
“Nah, I’m more than happy to be just as gay as you are.” Tweek leaned in, kissing Craig on the cheek. “Don’t let Cartman win.”
Craig held the side of his face, grinning as Tweek pulled him along outside the front doors. I’m pretty sure I won this time.