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Alucard watched Simon fade into the oncoming light. The rosy pink of dawn stretched grieving fingers towards the plume of dust that still hovered over the vampire lord's collapsed castle. Once its Master had perished, the castle had started to crumble. It was as though the blood leeching out of Dracula were giants’ fists battering the stone walls. There were no words for how Alucard felt. There was a peace, yes, but it was bittersweet.
He couldn’t believe that it was over, and in fact, didn’t really believe it. There simply was no way Alucard should have been able to hold the Prince of Darkness long enough for Simon to deliver the killing blow. It had almost been too easy, as if Dracula had given up. Who was to say that wasn’t exactly what happened though? Perhaps Dracula was tired. Alucard had been awake as an immortal for less than 48 hours and he was exhausted. The endless night stretched in front of him as an unbroken line of loneliness, and it was overwhelming. He cannot imagine how Dracula faced it.
He knew Dracula had to die. He knew that the evil of Gabriel Belmont that had spread across Castlevania had to be stopped. It was so hard to accept that this might have been the purpose of my life though, he thought. That blood murdering blood was the will of God; indeed, the intention of God.
Was this how it was for Isaac and Abraham? he reflected, watching the red hair so similar to Sypha’s, disappear completely over the ridge of the hill. When he was mortal, when he was Trevor, Alucard had struggled to understand the story of the father proving his faith by willingly sacrificing his son. He could never do to Simon, what Dracula did to him; not even to win the favor of God.
Alucard absently stroked the massive scar slashed across his chest from his father’s blow. It was with all his heart that Alucard wished that the combat cross Simon had driven into the heart of Dracula would have kept burrowing. To feel the kiss of his own end in the vengeful hands of his son. How poetic it would have been. Let all immortality in the Belmont line end in one fell swoop. But it was not to be. Perhaps it was best; he would not have willingly put that weight on Simon.
It might not have been the burden he was afraid it might be; Alucard felt fairly certain Simon did not know who he was. That too was poignantly tinged with grief, but there was no question, he could not tell him. Indeed, he never wanted Simon to look at him again. Alucard despised this monstrous form. He had not seen himself yet, but he knew. It was a curse, a final reminder from the universe of his failure to be anything resembling worthy.
It was so far removed from his human flesh that he could barely remember what it was like to feel the weight of exhaustion, or that muddy swamp of his human mind. Everything was heightened, clear, painfully sharp, as though he’d bitten his tongue while eating, and in that moment of pain, the flavor of the food had become intensely varied.
Alucard wanted his son to be free, he wanted him to find a purpose outside of killing and grieving. Such things destroyed you. Alucard should know. It certainly had destroyed him. Speaking of destruction, he thought, watching the sky grow lighter with each passing moment, what would it feel like? To turn to ashes under the intense eyes of the sun? To surrender everything that he ever was or could be, to the glorious revelation of the sunrise?
But it was not to be. No matter how Alucard wished for an end to this nightmare, there was too much to do, and too much damage his family had done. It was up to him to rectify what the Belmonts had loosed upon this world, and its helpless humanity. He turned from the judgement of the sun, chasing the remnants of the darkness into the trees as though it were his prey. Eternal night awaited.
I still wish on the evening star
And I s’pose I always will
Every child loses something a whole life can’t fulfill
And when you cry I feel the sky burst open in my veins
If loving you makes a slave of me then I'll spend my whole life in chains
Lose your way
And I will follow
Here today
And here tomorrow
Like my freedom I know
I’ll never let you go
- "Lose Your Way," Sophie B. Hawkins