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They were never supposed to see the letters. Bucky had kept a keen eye every Sunday when the mail was delivered. Always grabbing his semi-weekly letter as casually as possible, slipping away to his tent in what he liked to think of as quick time. Only for some reason, today, Dugan seemed overly interested in Bucky's mail.
"Sargent, what's in those letters you're always getting?" It felt like Dugan’s eyes were looking right at Bucky's brain, leaving him exposed. He tried to keep his calm exterior. "It's got to be good for the way you smile after you read em'." And to think, Bucky thought he was good at hiding these things. He stayed silent for a moment.
"You got a gal, Sarge?," Gabe spoke up. Clearly, Dugan's words seemed to peak his interest. Bucky could feel his anxiety creeping up his neck. Calm down Barnes, you've made it this far, you can lie your way through this one.
Bucky thought about Gabe's words for a quick moment, that stretched out long in his mind. Every time his men were sitting around the fire, late at night, after they've drank only so much of the cheap alcohol they've got sent from home, Bucky listens to them talk about who they have waiting for them; Who will be there with open arms once this war is over and done. Every time, Bucky always wants to blurt out something about Steve.
It seemed like the perfect in. Tell a quick lie about a dame he's got keeping his bed warm back in Brooklyn, and just change the He's to She's. I mean, what the hell, right?
After a beat of silence, Bucky spoke. "Her names Sarah." His words were met with a wave of wolf whistles. Apparently the howlies were truly strapped for entertainment, as the group’s full attention was now on Bucky. Great. He was already regretting this. Hopefully Sarah Rodgers, may she rest in peace, wouldn't mind her role in his lie.
"So, tell us more, man, don't leave me hanging, Sarge.” Gabe spoke, along with a group full of expectant eyes, suddenly needing to know all about Bucky's love life. Yeah, this was a mistake. Bucky took a quick breath in.
"Well, she's uh," Screw it. "She's great, honestly. About the size of a kindergartner, but she likes to pick fights like she's bigger than me. She's got this blonde hair and these eyes- you wouldn't believe me unless you saw em', but they’re gorgeous." Even Bucky could hear the heart eyes in his voice, but he gave up hiding at that point. Bucky heard Morita chuckle.
"Apparently Barnes does have a heart, and it belongs to Sarah~" He added the last part in sing-songy voice. They pushed on.
"C'mon, tell us more, Sarge! Pour your heart out, since you've clearly been dying to do it." I mean, yeah. Pretty much.
"She must have an ass straight out of the pictures for how much you love er'," He's not wrong, Bucky thought. Wait, task at hand. Get this over with.
"Ay, ay, come on, enough talk about my girl. Gabe, don't you have a gal back home?" Bucky knew that once he got Gabe started on his lovely Ester, and how you know we've got a little girl on the way? He knows the spotlight is successfully off of him. That was supposed to be the end of it.
-
Bucky never got around to actually reading the letter until late that night, when he was the only one left at the campfire, trying to soak up every last bit of warmth. Bucky opened the envelope, gently bringing the letter up to his eyes.
"Bucky,
I miss you, but you already know that. It's courtesy at this point. It's what we say. I'll have you know I got your check just fine (I know you worry), and I promise to use it for medication and not just give it all to your ma and the sisters, yada yada. Everyone's good, happy and healthy, but it's still odd not having you around. I've started having dinner with your folks on nights when I'm not busy making ads for that soap company I told you about. They let me sit at your seat at the table, and I listen to Becks list off all of the million things she always has to talk about. I'm trying to build up to asking for your ma's sourdough recipe- It's damn good and you know it. I've managed not to get in any fights since you last wrote. Just ain't as fun without you here to cuss me out for it.
I hope you know I think about you. All the time. You're never not on my mind. If anything happens to you, I will kill you, I mean it. Stay safe, if not for you, than for me.
Yours always,
S. Rodgers."
Steve's letters always avoided anything that could give any sort of hint that he might be man. Never giving the dutiful workers who look through the soldiers mail anything to write home about. S. Rodgers didn't have to shy away from loving Bucky the same way Steve did, which was the bittersweet truth.
Bucky flipped over the paper, to reveal a drawing. A re-creation of that stupid headshot they had Bucky take after he got boosted up to sergeant, lopsided grin on full display. Bucky chuckled, not realizing the man coming up behind him.
"That the letter from your girl, Barnes?" Bucky jumped ever-so-slightly out of surprise, turning to see Gabe, sitting next him. Bucky didn't bother putting the letter back away. Whether it was the late hour, or something supernatural, he simply didn't feel a need to.
As Bucky stayed quiet, looking over Steve's drawing, Gabe picked up the envelope Bucky had left at his feet. Bucky paused. "S. Rodgers." Gabe read aloud. He looked over to Bucky, and eyed the drawing sprawled on the letter's back. "Did she draw that?" Bucky nodded.
"She draws a lot," he paused for a wistful moment. "She's always sick with something. Pneumonia, Asthma...She could draw even when she was bed bound, so she got good at it." Bucky shrugged as casually as he could, trying to ignore the pull of his chest that he felt when he thought of Steve laying pale, close to death, almost every winter.
Gabe stared at Bucky silently. "How did you meet her?" Bucky told him the (abbreviated and slightly edited) story of how he met Steve, his inhabitations fully withered by that point in the night.
The night was quiet for a fleeting moment. "You really love her, don't you?" Gabe looked at him, and Bucky didn't have to lie about his answer.
"Yeah. Yeah, I do."
-
A few months later, when Gabe Jones realized that Bucky Barnes' lifelong best friend (and recent savior from Zola's nefarious hands) met him in a shockingly similar way to his 'gal back home', and even shared a last name and first initial with her, he didn't say a word. And every time he saw them look at each other like they hung the sun and the stars, he kept his mouth shut. Steve was Bucky's Ester, even if other people couldn't see that.