Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

beter @peteyparkour

haha just fell off of a building rip

>led needs @neddybear

  ??????

>>led needs @neddybear

     p e t e r ????

>>>beter @peteyparkour

       DJKBFKAJBC WAIT WRONG ACCOUNT-

[The tweet you're looking for no longer exists.]

haha spider go brrr @spooderman

haha just fell off of a building rip

>sure ee @thesmartone

   sucks for u <3

>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

     SHU T UR FUGVK SHUIRI

>>>magic isn't always from a wand-a @scarletwitchbitch

        s(he's) br(ok)en </3

not the bug @natnatnatnat

story time from this morning

spider-man: *pours orange juice in his fruit loops on accident*

spider-man: *takes a bite*

spider-man:

spider-man: wait

spider-man:

spider-man: *keeps eating* yk it’s actually not bad

tony: *horrified*

>not the bug @natnatnatnat

  @spooderman explanation please

>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

     froot y

>>>sure ee @thesmartone

       rt

>>>led needs @neddybear

       rt

>>>mj @hahaurgay

       rt

>>>how much wood @wouldawoodbuckbuck

        rt

>>>magic doesn't always come from a wand-a @scarletwitchbitch

        rt

Chapter Text

beter @peteyparkour

yk sometimes i start to have a crisis but then i remember that i met elliot page in an airport once and then everything's okay

not the bug @natnatnatnat

hi yeah @spooderman @thesmartone why is there a puppy running around the gym

>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

   why do you assume it was us

>>sure ee @thesmartone

     yeah nat come on also isn't he rlly cute his name is flynn after the guy in tangled so you can't kick him out cause he's One Of Us now

>>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

        shuri >:(

>>>>beter @peteyparkour

          #shuriisoverparty

>>>>>mj @hahaurgay

             you could have posted this with no context and i'd retweet it #shuriisoverparty

>>>>>white boy of the month @wereconnected

             #shuriisoverparty cause last time i visited nyc she took my hat and didn't give it back

>>>>>>sure ee @thesmartone

               bitch i burned it you looked too country

>>>>>>>not the bug @natnatnatnat

                  yk what nvm #welikeshuriagain just for that

>>>>>>>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

                   so just to be clear this is a yes to the dog correct

>>>>>>>not lincoln @thatisfalse

                  madam princess you've done the world a great service

*one hour later*

not the bug @natnatnatnat

*a video of peter (wearing the spidey mask for identity safety) holding flynn the dog. nat and shuri are on the floor singing the opening verse of circle of life. peter puts red lipstick on flynns forehead and raises him up by his arms like simba. nat and shuri erupt with cheers. the video suddenly ends.*

flynn :)

>tony stank @youknowwhoiam

   oh dear god

>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

     flynn :)

>round ears @idontluz

  rt if you agree that flynn

>sure ee @thesmartone

   ive only had flynn for a day and a half but if anything happened to him i would kill everyone in the avengers tower and then myself

>>how much wood @wouldawoodbuckbuck

    shuri you see we know that you're a fan of Famed Progressive Comedy NBC Show Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013) but to an outsider that seems like a very irrational and extremely concerning thing to say casually on the internet

>>>sure ee @thesmartone

       good. gotta keep these mfs on their feet. they're not allowed to know what to expect from me.

>>>>sure ee @thesmartone

         now as i was saying

>>>>>sure ee @thesmartone
            flynn :)

led needs @neddybear

so, let's say, for the sake of the argument, that i played devils advocate. and let us ponder that, hypothetically, i asked a libshart to explain that to me.

>mj @hahaurgay

 ned please for the love of god don't let twitter think you're a conservative

>>sure ee @thesmartone

    but😐 if save earth😐 then why use straw for drink??😐 why use paper??😐

>>>beter @peteyparkour

      the silent majority💪🇲🇾🤣🥶

>>>>led needs @neddybear

         trunk 2002🗣🗣

white boy of the month @wereconnected

*pokes @youknowwhoiam* hey. do something.

>tony stank @youknowwhoiam

 i mean i did just sign a contract that @pepperpotts gave me

>>salt and @pepperpotts

    *unwillingly. he unwillingly signed that contract.

>>white boy of the month @wereconnected

    no i don't need you to do something genius billionaire playboy philanthropisty i need you to do something with meeeee

>>>tony stank @youknowwhoiam

       i came down south for your birthday last month

>>>>white boy of the month @wereconnected

        .

>>>>white boy of the month @wereconnected

          mr stark when do you think my birthday is

>>>>>tony stank @youknowwhoiam

            .............whenever i came down south

>>>>>>white boy of the month @wereconnected

             blocked.

Chapter Text

sherlock apologist @thereichenbacktrip

GUYS?? HOW DID IT TAKE US AN ENTKRE DAY TO FKND SPIDERMANS ACCOUNT IM LOsigNN MY SHiT

>would die for pepper potts @19dollarfortnitecard

who.
who is we.
WHO THE FUCK IS WE.

>>sherlock apologist @thereichenbacktrip

holy shit wait is this not public knowledge?? DID I FIND A GOLDMINE??

>>sherlock apologist @thereichenbacktrip

GIMME A MINUTE I NEED TO GO LOOK AT SOMETHINF

>>>would die for pepper potts @19dollarfortnitecard

MARYKATE NO?? COME BACK?? YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TWEET MARYKATE PLEASE

sherlock apologist @thereichenbacktrip

upon further examination i have discovered that the existence of @spooderman is not yet known so let me be one of the only people ever to say that i was the twentieth-ish follower of fucking spiderman so

>would die for pepper potts @19dollarfortnitecard

marykate i'm going to fucking murder you

>>haha spider for brrr @spooderman

can i join you cause i just lost a bet because of your friend /lh

>>>would die for pepper potts @19dollarfortnitecard

HOLY SHIT @yohrciheegafemeahsma WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THEFUCK MABEL YOU BETTER BE FUCKING ACTIVE BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK

>>>>iron man kinnie✋😩‼️ @yohrciheegafemeahsma

did spiderman just offer to murder marykate with you

>>>>>haha spider for brrr @spooderman

yes

led needs @neddybear

@peteyparkour pay up bitch i saw the tweet

how much wood @wouldawoodbuckbuck

its very important to me that everyone here knows that @thesmartone does not live in the tower and she does still have duties in wakanda and yet somehow i see her hanging from the ceiling by some invention or another every weekend

>how much wood @wouldawoodbuckbuck

im pretty sure she has her own bedroom next to wandas

>>how much wood @wouldawoodbuckbuck

i just checked
she does
it has a mini fridge
there's a not-flat open dr pepper in it
s h e l u r k s

>>>sure ee @thesmartone

:)

beter @peteyparkour

GUYS IS MR HARRINGTON DEAD HE WASNT IN CLASS AND HE PROMISED TO GIVE US CANDY TODAY I WANT MY FUCKING JOLLY RANCHER

>betty, probably @ihaveadatejason

peter his daughter is being born literally right now

>>beter @peteyparkour

W H A T

>>>beter @peteyparkour

PANIK

salt and @pepperpotts

I can't go a single day without being reminded that my username is a John Mulaney quote.
I question if I should be allowed to run this company sometimes.

>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

OH MY GOD HOW DID I NEVER SEE IT

>hawkear @arrowsandthings

see it would have been a joke anyway because salt and pepper is already a thing but YOU are the one that decided it was going to be john mulaney related

>>roads @warmachinerox

You need to be quiet I had to convince you not to make your Twitter name "hawk's eye view" because that's stupid and then you picked something worse

>>>hawkear @arrowsandthings

your legal given name is roads.

nyoom @narutorun

DID WE ALL SEE THAT ONE SPIDERMAN ACCOUNT @spooderman

>nyoom @narutorun

I THOUGHT IT WAS FUCKING FAKE BUT IRON MAN AND THE OTHER AVENGERS FOLLOW HIM

>>nyoom @narutorun

KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME NOW

>>>mj @hahaurgay

gladly

>white boy of the month @wereconnected

wait.

white boy of the month @wereconnected

@youknowwhoiam bitch.

>tony stank @youknowwhoiam

OH COME ON ITS ONLY NINE IN THE MORNING WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY HAVE DONE

>>white boy of the month @wereconnected

YOU FORGOT WHAT DAY MY BIRTHDAY IS AND THEN YOU NEGLECTED TO TELL ME THAT THERE IS. ANOTHER MAN.

>>>tony stank @youknowwhoiam

i can smell the PR scandal from here

>>>>white boy of the month @wereconnected

SPIDERMAN?? YOUR BEST FRIEND SPIDERMAN?? WHO YOU FOLLOW ON TWITTER I N S T E A D O F M E ???

>>>>>tony stank @youknowwhoiam

HES AN AVENGER I HAVE TO FOLLOW HIM

>>>>>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

bitch.

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mj @hahaurgay

true love is telling you're gf that you're sad and her showing up in new york at two am to give you an invention that squirts whipped cream directly into your mouth in fifteen seconds intervals

>sure ee @thesmartone

only the best for my baby✋

magic isn't always from a wand-a @scarletwitchbitch

currently: teaching spider-man how to wash fruit over text before his guardian comes home

>magic isn't always from a wand-a @scarletwitchbitch

*insert pic of texts between peter and wanda reading:

peter: wanda what the fuck is a strainer

peter: *a picture of a slotted spoon*

peter: ????????

wanda: shut your fuck im tweeting*

sherlock apologist @thereichenbachtrip

AYO🔈YO🔈@spooderman🔈AYO WTF IS THIS🔈

*insert screenshot of a twitter notif saying spider-man followed this person*

>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

well listen i did murder you so i figured it was the least i could do

>>sherlock apologist @thereichenbachtrip

ugh not me being six feet under😩🙏 its so aesthetic down here come on we can make it a vsco sleepover fort

the next day:

haha spider go brrr @spooderman

hi new friends !! sorry i didn't tweet much yesterday, i saw that i was getting some attention so i took a break from my phone bc of my anxiety, but im prepared to face you all now<3

>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

first things first, i'm spider-man! the real one i swear. i wanted to tell you guys a little bit about me/what this account is gonna be about bc as of now the stans don't have any content and i feel that i'm neglecting my children so lets have a go

>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

okay so before you ask any questions, no i won't tell you my name, age, school/work (if i have one *winks with both eyes*), family, friends, or anything super personal like that for my own comfort and safety!

>>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

but now some things i can tell u!! i am officially an avenger basically, i live in the tower w everyone else. i have other social media accounts but you'll never find any of them<3 i really really love movies, one of my old dreams was to be a director :)

>>>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

i am not dating anyone as of now but i'm not looking for a relationship! i actually rlly like reading when i can get around to it, i'm definitely on booktok and i currently have twenty-nine unread library books on my shelf i wish i was joking. but you wanna know which books i have read? a manga called "a man and his cat". its exactly what it sounds like. this is how i live.

>>>>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

i totally forgot to mention this earlier, but my pronouns are he/him !! lgbt+ community i absolutely love you all, pls stay safe and know im always here for you :))

>>>>>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

i think that with this acc im mainly going to be using it for whatever i want, avengers/patrol related if that makes sense? idk man i just wanna have fun with it and talk to you guys so :)) ask me anything, i'll be checking my phone all day! use #spideysontwitter <3

SPIDEYS ON TWITTER @bi_brary

spider-man this is very important have you read red white and royal blue send tweet #spideysontwitter

>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

as if i'm not wearing my firstprince crewneck literally right now

film bro *fuckboy face* @unfortunatelyafilmmajor

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT DC COMICS AND MOVIES IVE ALWAYS NEEDED TO KNOW #spideysontwitter

>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

RIPOFFS. ANYONE WHO LIKES DC BLOCK ME RIGHT NOW I DONT NEED THAT NEGATIVE ENERGY. (/j /lh) im so very much kidding please i love you all dont leave me yet

>>rdj kinda looks like tony stark @ineffablehusbandsadvocate

ugh fake superhero fan i bet you can't even name five heroes /j

>>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

um oh shit oh fuck uhhh super iron man nationalism spider bug ant (??) bird double birds man magic space tree<3

>>>>Stan @StanLee

I can verify, I actually created you and you're correct.

>>>>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

i don't know who this man is or what affiliation he has with the avengers but i think i love him??

THE NEGLECTED STAN @firstspideyfanaccount

spidey pls pls give us content for edits we're dying out here we can't keep using the two (2) fancam packs from youtube #spideysontwitter

>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

OMFG YES ABSOLUTELY???? I CANT BELIEVE I DIDNT THINK ABOUT THAT SOONER I LOVE SEEING THE EDITS I LOVE YOU GUYS omgomg ok wait i need to get some pictures and stuff verified by PR before i give them to you

>>im slim shady @drappleismyotp

SPIDEY SEES OUR FAN CONTENT CONFIRMED ??

>>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

YES I DO AND IT'S MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD

>>>>THE NEGLECTED STAN @firstspideyfanaccount

i'm literally going to pass out

>>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

YES PICTURES ARE APPROVED OF

*so many pics are attached along with a few videos, most of them are super goofy but a few are unseen surveillance footage of spidey saving civilians or fighting someone. spidey isn't in all of the pictures, but the ones he is in he's wearing his suit or at least his mask.*

>>>>THE NEGLECTED STAN @firstspideyfanaccount

editors fucking assemble we've got content thiS IS NOT A DRILL WE HAVE CONTENT HOLY FUCK EVERYONE TELL THE GROUP CHATS TELL THE FAN ACCOUNTS THIS IS HUGE

haha spider go brrr @spooderman

guys im gonna cry you're all so talented its been one singular hour and you're already spoiling me /pos

>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

take all of my love i would literally die for all of you /srs

>>mj @hahaurgay

,,,,,,,,,,,,spidey darling maybe lets take away the /srs

>>>haha spider go brrr @spooderman

never.

Chapter Text

Official Avenger™ @spooderman

guys i changed my name *lipbite*

nyoom @narutorun

no bc why does spiderman follow peter parker what.

>nyoom @narutorun 

i'm not coping with this very well

>>white boy of the month @wereconnected 

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

white boy of the month @wereconnected 

@peteyparkour so.
i see you're in on it too.

>beter @peteyparkour 

oh
oh no

>>white boy of the month @wereconnected 

COME ON MAN ARE YOU KIDDING ME

>>>beter @peteyparkour 

I DON'T KNOW?? THIS IS VERY SCARY FOR ME???????

>>>>white boy of the month @wereconnected 

HOW DOES THE ENTIRE TEAM FOLLOW YOU AND NOT ME
THEY LIKE ME
???????
RIGH T ??????????????//

>>>>>white boy of the month @wereconnected 

I MEAN I CAME DOWN TO NEW YORK LIKE SIX MONTHS AGO AND THEY WERE ALL NICE WHY DON'T THEY LIKE ME

>>>>>>beter @peteyparkour 

THEY DO LIKE YOU BUD I PROMISE

>>>>>>>white boy of the month @wereconnected 

THEN WHAT THE FUCKSMDKFJSNDF

>>>>>>>>beter @peteyparkour 

hey harley

>>>>>>>>>beter @peteyparkour 

darling

>>>>>>>>>>beter @peteyparkour 

sweetie

>>>>>>>>>>>beter @peteyparkour 

i don't think you ever gave them your twitter handle

beter @peteyparkour 

*tags all of the avengers* all of you go follow @wereconnected he's sad

>Official Avenger™ @spooderman

haha who's that

hawkear >>> beter

hawkear: peter did i ever tell you that you're the best person i've ever met

hawkear: you're getting my inheritance

Chapter Text

Official Avenger™ @spooderman 

YALL I AM FUCKING PISSING MYSELF I JUST WALKED INTO TONY'S OFFICE AND HE'S WATCHING A VIDEO CALLED "RELAXING ASMR TO REMOVE ALL YOUR NEGATIVE ENERGY <3" ????????

>Official Avenger™ @spooderman 

ITS NOT EVEN ON IN THE BACKGROUND HES JUST. WATCHING IT. LOOKING AT THE SCREEN. I THINK THERE ARE BUGS INVOLVED IN THE VIDEO QUESTION MARK

>tomney stumk @youknowwhoiam

I TOLD YOU NOT TO POST THAT ON FUCKING TWITTER AND LOOK WHAT YOU DID

>>Official Avenger™ @spooderman 

suddenly i'm blind. all of a sudden i am unable to see.

>>led needs @neddybear

to the nursing home he goes. he's gone senile.

>>>tomney stumk @youknowwhoiam

ned i swear to fucking god

magic isn't always from a wand-a @scarletwitchbitch 

oh no.
oh no look what i did.
@theavengers
what a tragedy.

>brucey boy @bannernotthesign 

I refuse to be a part of this

sorry guys you knew it was coming @theavengers

They made me be a part of this. -Bruce

mj >>> beter

mj: i feel like,,,,,, doin something

beter: oh god pls no

mj: haha yeah

mj @hahaurgay 

NO everyone shut up we need to talk about how @spooderman and @wereconnected are going to have an enemies to lovers arc you're literally not allowed to argue because i'm right

>beter @peteyparkour 

FUCKING WHAT

>sherlock apologist @thereichenbachtrip 

omg wait

>>sherlock apologist @thereichenbachtrip 

@spooderman as your mutual i deem it necessary that i make this happen.

>>>Official Avenger™ @spooderman 

I'M ?????????

>beter @peteyparkour 

mj shut the fuck up challenge failed <//3

>TommyInnit @tommyinnit 

As a Spider-man fan yes.

>>Official Avenger™ @spooderman 

I'M S O R R Y ???????

BBC @BBCNEWS

[ WHO IS @WERECONNECTED AND WHAT IS HIS CONNECTION TO NEW YORK'S SPIDER-MAN? ]

BUZZFEED @BUZZFEED

[ TOP TEN THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SPIDER-MAN'S FRIENDS ]

THE DAILY BUGLE @TDBNEWS

[ IS SPIDER-MAN A THREAT TO MINORS ONLINE? ]

MCYT NEWS YOU PROBABLY MISSED @MCYTNEWS

[ MINECRAFT TWITCH STREAMER TOMMYINNIT IS A SPIDER-MAN FAN - IS HE EVEN BRITISH ANYMORE? ]

MSNBC @MSNBC

[ HARLEY KEENER: ANOTHER CHILD FRIEND OF BILLIONAIRE TONY STARK ]

THIS HAPPENED @THISHAPPENEDUPATES

[ THIS HAPPENED: TWITTER USER @WERECONNECTED SEEMS TO LIVE UP TO THEIR NAME - WHAT IS HARLEY KEENER'S CONNECTION TO SPIDER-MAN? ]

-----------

AVENGERS UPDATES @AVENGERSNEWS

[ TWEET FROM SPIDER-MAN FAN SPARKS CONVERSATION: IS SPIDER-MAN BISEXUAL? ]

------------

Oh, fuck.

Chapter Text

Peter's thumbs hover over his phone's keyboard and the back of the phone's case is slipping in his sweaty palms. The screen is open to Twitter, a text box in front of him ready to make a post. Only two hundred eighty characters to defend himself.

His phone has been on silent all day, at one point he even shut it all the way down, but he could practically feel it burning a hole in his jeans pocket. The energy of all of the mess going on just inside of it radiated an ugly aura, one that screamed and wrestled with Peter, begging him to break the barrier, to open the phone and let it all tumble out.

He had finally given in, just as he was about to walk into his second-period class.

Bad idea.

Turns out it's just as bad as he thought.

He had opened Twitter before anything else, his second mistake. There were hundreds of thousands of notifications. There were likes, and follows, and retweets, and threads, and replies, and DMs, and comments, so many goddamn comments. He's sure there had to have been some positive ones, but he didn't see them. All he saw were insults and hate, people demanding that he explain himself, and "why haven't you addressed it yet" and "you're queerbaiting us" and slurs. Death threats. People want him to die. They want him to die by their hand, by his own, by any means they deem worthy of this foul monster. "I used to love you."

Did you really?

Peter swipes up from the bottom of his screen and closes out of Twitter entirely.

That was enough.

He gets up out of the stall and closes the door to the entrance of the bathroom. He wishes he had some paper on hand so he could make a fake out-of-order sign, but this'll have to do. He's about to go back to the stall when a small, withered thing catches his eye in the mirror.

It looks cold. It's almost deathly pale, and its neck and arms look red as if from scratching. Its hair is flopping into its eyes, clumps dangling down from the edges. There's not a clear part in the hair, as if a hand was run through it haphazardly. Its hands are shaking and its eyes red. Shining lines drip down its face, the dried and drying tears mixing to create an unclear texture on patches of its skin. Its left eyebrow sticks up in a way that it shouldn't. The thing's always hated that eyebrow.

It's him.

It's Peter.

He looks awful.

He chokes out a small sob before pressing his hand over his mouth. Muffle. Muffle it. Muffle it please god. Be quiet. Be quiet shut up. 

He hadn't recognized his own face.

That terrifies him.

He stumbles back until he hits a wall and slides down the tile until his ass is on the ground and he generally clenches his body. His shoulders are tight, his eyes are closed, his teeth grind against each other – he wants to be small. Smaller physically than he is emotionally so that maybe the size of his feelings would match the size of his body.

Worse idea.

Suddenly he can't breathe. A stabbing pang shoots through his chest like a lightening bolt and his eyes open as wide as they'll go. Panic attack? Binder? Probably both. His shaking hands tug and tug at his binder wildly with no avail, peeling it up from every possible entryway.

Standing up and wrangling his shirt off, his heartbeat quickens and the hot flashes become more and more erratic. He's constricted and now he's too small and he doesn't know what he wants anymore, he barely remembers what his original problem was and he's spinning around, hoping he doesn't hit a sink, trying desperately to get this goddamn boob cage off of him because, good god, anything is better than this. Involuntary grunts and cried erupt from deep inside him, and finally he's too tired to fight his own clothes anymore. His arms go limp and fall to his side and his knees give out from under him, landing on the hard, sticky, rough tile. He doesn't feel it.

He's panting and sobbing and sweating and he's never felt more "and"s in his life and he breaks and he screams. His face twists to express more emotional anguish than physical discomfort or pain. Most of all he's tired. So, so tired.

So, he screams.

Abraham Brown and Mr. Dell find Peter Parker thirteen minutes later sprawled out on the ground, unconscious and wearing no shirt.

"I didn't- I don't know what happened, sir, really, the door to the bathroom was locked but I really needed to pee so I picked the lock and he was just lying there and he wouldn't wake up when I tried-" Abe rambled. Mr. Dell cuts him off and presses a phone to his ear, which is tied to a wall with a sign that says "EMERGENCIES. FOR TEACHER USE ONLY." He covers his other ear with his finger.

"Mr.- Mr. Stark, sir? Tony Stark?" He stood on his knees over Peter's body and ran his palm over the length of his scalp. "Peter- Peter, your son, he's passed out on the bathroom floor and we can't wake him, I tried-" He covers the mic and leans in to Abe to whisper-shout, "Call 911, now." Returning to Tony, "The paramedics'll be on their way soon, we just called-"

Thrusters fire up in the back of Tony's end of the call and mechanics whir. "Shit-" he mutters. "Okay, cancel the meds, he's coming straight home." Now it's Tony's turn to cover the mic. Out into what Dell assumes is the rest of the Avengers Tower, Tony shouts, "Nat, Natasha, call Pepper for me, wherever she is, get her home now."

Dell can vaguely hear something along the lines of a muffled, "...everything all right, Stark? Peter...okay?"

"No," is Tony's simple response. "Rhodey, prep Cho, have a room ready for me when I get back. Something happened to Peter." Something in the midst of the mechanical sounds clicks together, a final step, and the call transfers to somewhere inside it. Tony's voice, much clearer now, comes back to Dell as the thrusters and whooshes become louder and more impatient. "Thank you, seriously. I just want to take care of him myself." He clears his throat and adds, "Please."

Dell sits there a moment, staring at Peter's blank expression press against the tile. He snaps up and shakes his head, motioning to Abe to hang up the call. "Of course, sir. You'll... You'll be here soon, I assume?"

Tony's voice his hard and clear. "As if my life depends on it."

mj >>> beter

mj: i'm so sorry dude.

mj >>> beter

mj: peter?

Chapter Text

Official Avenger™ @spooderman 

so. i didn't wanna have to do this, especially not this way, but i don't really think i have a choice right now. 1/?

>Official Avenger™ @spooderman 

i am spider-man, and i am in high school. i am a minor in high school. so, to answer your questions, @TDBNews, no, i am not a threat to minors online. 2/?

>>Official Avenger™ @spooderman 

@hahaurgay, mj, is my best friend. she made the tweet about me and @wereconnected as a truly harmless joke. when she posted it, i didn't think anything of it, and neither did harley. 3/?

>>>Official Avenger™ @spooderman 

she didn't expect it to get any attention, and by the time that it did, it was already too late. i am not upset with her in any way. any hate directed towards her and anthony edward stark himself will publically humiliate you. 4/?

>>>>Official Avenger™ @spooderman 

i don't know harley very well outside of the internet, certainly not as well as peter or ned or mj, but i consider him a part of my family. tony has known harley since harley was eleven, and they've kept in touch ever since. 5/?

>>>>>Official Avenger™ @spooderman 

harley and i will pretend to fight online for the sake of "who's tony's favorite" or things like that, and its all in good fun. refer back to part four for consequences of bullying harley. 6/?

>>>>>>Official Avenger™ @spooderman 

as for the rest, please check the pinned post on our new group account created by wanda, @theavengers 7/7

the avengers :) @theavengers 

the internet is a disgusting, horrible place. i could go on about this in countless threads, but i won't, because that's not important right now. 1/?

>the avengers :) @theavengers 

what's important to me is that spider-man doesn't have to deal with any of this alone. 2/?

>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

this is why...
this is a coming out thread.
my name is tony stark, and i am a bisexual man. he/him. 3/?

>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

i'm natasha, the black widow, and i'm an asexual lesbian. she/her. 4/?

>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

Hi, I'm Bruce Banner. This is really hard for me and I think I'm the primary reason that we didn't do this sooner, but I am gay. He/they pronouns. 5/?

>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

Hello everyone!! I'm Thor, and I think I fall under the earth term of "non-binary". We don't really have a set up "gender system" on Asgard, so I was never raised with one. I don't think I have one at all!! 6/?

>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

Thor still! They/he/she pronouns. I also like the sound of the ones that start with the x's. Xe/xem? Yes, those as well. Anything you'd like, really! 7/?

>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

Thor again, I'm not done. I'm queer! Another Earth term, I'm told. I don't feel a need to label my sexuality, as many humans do. As I said, we don't really do that on Asgard, so why should I now? Also, I'm Bruce's partner! I'm done now. 8/?

>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

i'm wanda maximoff, and i'm sapphic. like thor, i don't want to label myself, but i like woman along with men (and anyone else, really). i'm in a relationship with vision. she or they is fine. 9/?

>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

Steve Rogers here. I'm bisexual. I learned this with the help of a great man, one I loved with all my heart. I still do love him, but not in the way I thought I did. I use he/him pronouns. 10/?

>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

agreed. steve's true love is mjolnir<3

>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

clint literally shut the fuck up -wanda

>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

Hey guys, I'm Rhodey and I'm probably mostly straight (??) but whos to say. He/him 11/?

>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

PREACH TO THAT DUDE LMFAO?? -clint 12/?

>>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

my name is bucky barnes, and i'm gay. in the forties Yes I'm so gay and I love my boyfriend so so much he's so great Sam give me my phone back are you talking to Siri right now Friday send tweet Friday isn't on our phones Sam what is wrong with you

>>>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

!!!!! THIS IS SAM AND IM GAY AS SHIT AND MY BOYFRIEND BUCKET FARMS OVER HERE IS PRETTY SICK AND IM A MAN HE/HIM ILY!!!!!! 14/?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

carols not here to write this personally, but she's like one hundred and ten percent a lesbian bye 15/?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

can confirm -nat

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

hi im scott!! you probably dont remember me but im that guy that changes sizes a lot? i fainted in a lake once. anyway im straight (?????) but i think i was parasocially in love with steve rogers for like twenty years so. its someone elses turn now methinks!! 16/?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

I'm an android, I don't care? -V 17/?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>mj @hahaurgay 

no yeah he's got the spirit i see the vision (no pun intended)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

i'm shuri, and i'm a non-binary (they/she) lesbian! my partner is mj and i love them so much but you guys knew that<3 18/?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

Hi!! Many of you may not know me, but I'm Shang-Chi. As of recently, I'm also technically officially an Avenger!! I'm trans (he/him) and gay :) 19/?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

hi i'm the better hawkeye, kate bishop, and i'm a genderfluid polyamorous lesbian! very slay of me. different pronouns depending on how i feel atm, but they'll always be in the name of my personal account, @hawkeyebutcooler, and they/them is always okay!! 20/?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

and finally, i'm spider-man. i am a bi, trans man, and this is the scariest thing i've ever had to do. he/they. i love you guys. 21/?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

as for others who are generally affiliated with the avengers and have given their consent for us to share this: mj, @hahaurgay - non-binary lesbian, they/it; harley, @wereconnected - non-binary gay, they/he; pepper, @pepperpotts, pansexual woman, she/her; peter, @peteyparkour - trans bisexual, he/they. 22/?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>the avengers :) @theavengers 

happy early pride, everybody. 23/23

Chapter Text

white boy of the month @wereconnected 

alright. since i'm not an official representative of the avengers or stark industries, i don't have to censor myself to the public; fuck you guys. 1/?

>white boy of the month @wereconnected 

why the hell should any of you care anyway? i'm gay. does that affect your personal life in any way whatsoever? it fucking does not. 2/?

>>white boy of the month @wereconnected 

you all claim to be such allies. if you really cared at fucking all, you'd realize that if spider-man was ready to come out, he would have done it already. on his own terms. 3/?

>>>white boy of the month @wereconnected 

none of you have seen how this has affected him. at all. so you guys celebrate and have your little parties bc you pried it out of him. i'm going to help my friend. 4/4

beter >>> white boy of the month 

beter: harley i'm spider-man /srs

beter: harley??

white boy of the month: what

beter: i know i know im really really sorry for not telling you sooner i just didn't know if i should bc i was so scared of putting you in danger

beter: i mean look at my history man liz, mj, ned, and basically my entire grade at school have been in a close-to-fatal event because of me

beter: you're so important to me harley. if you got hurt because someone wanted to hurt spider-man, i wouldn't be able to live with myself.

beter: are you there?

white boy of the month: um

white boy of the month: i need some time

white boy of the month: i need to think

beter: harley?

beter: harley please come back

beter: harley i'm sorry

beter: i'm just gonna leave you alone i'm really sorry.

Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman

i won't be active for a little bit i'm sorry

Chapter Text

beter @peteyparkour 

i'm going to be blunt. so far spider-man has been called three different slurs and has been misgendered more times than they can count, not to mention what you all are saying about the rest of the team. 1/?

>beter @peteyparkour 

spider-man collapsed at his school, you know that? he tried to say something to you guys and the hate was so overwhelming that he collapsed. 2/?

>>beter @peteyparkour 

he tried to rip off his binder in the bathroom because he couldn't breathe and he was found, thirteen minutes later, by his friend and his teacher. 3/?

>>>beter @peteyparkour 

imagine that to yourselves. right now. spider-man, a symbol of hope and love and brotherhood and friendliness, passed out on the floor of a locked school bathroom with twitter open to a dm that says "kill yourself, [t-slur]." 4/?

>>>>beter @peteyparkour 

i'm trans too, and this is crushing me. imagine how spider-man feels. 5/5

>>>not lincoln @thatisfalse 

o h ??

not lincoln >>> beter 

not lincoln: peter wtf

beter: oh goddamnit

Chapter Text

from: [email protected]

to: [email protected]

subject: peter ?? maybe ????

————————————————————

mr dell have you been on twitter recentyl

re: peter ?? maybe ????

———————————————————

No, Abe, I haven't. Why?

re: peter ?? maybe ????

————————————————————

i'd assume that you're generally familiar with spiderman right

re: peter ?? maybe ????

————————————————————

I mean, sure, I guess? Little red guy?

re: peter ?? maybe ????

————————————————————

ok i really don't know how to explain this but i think peter is spiderman

re: peter ?? maybe ????

————————————————————

Abe what

re: peter ?? maybe ????

————————————————————

I DONT KNOW DUDE peter posted this thread on twitter bc something happened to spiderman and he told a story about spidey and it was literally exactly what happened to him when we found him in the bathroom. i don't wanna out him as spiderman or whatever but he won't answer my dms and i'm really worried abt him because if whatever he said is true then he's not doing great?? spideys been going through some shit recently and i'm really worried abt peter

re: peter ?? maybe ????

————————————————————

And exactly how ironclad is this theory of yours?

re: peter ?? maybe ????

————————————————————

very.

re: peter ?? maybe ????

————————————————————

Jesus, Abe. This is a really strong accusation you're making, you can't take this stuff lightly.

re: peter ?? maybe ????

————————————————————

i'm not, i swear. i just. idk. i want to keep an eye on him. and i figured you'd be the person to help me when i cant.

re: peter ?? maybe ????

————————————————————

...I will watch over him to the best of my ability. I care about Peter too. 

You're a good friend, Abe.

re: peter ?? maybe ????

————————————————————

i'd really like to think so.

Chapter Text

THE DAILY BUGLE @TDBNEWS

[ SPIDER-MAN HAS BEEN OFF THE GRID FOR ALMOST THREE MONTHS – IS THIS THE LAST WE’LL HEAR OF THE INFAMOUS VIGILANTE? ]

Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

fuck, dude. FUUUUUCK. i'm going to be as kind as i can with this, but i'm making absolutely no promises, because this sucks. 1/?

Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

i've been gone from the internet for three months now. to all of you it seems like things have calmed down because you're not actively involved anymore, but i can't tell you how awful it's been. 2/?

Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

my guardian and i had to move out of our apartment, for one. it's likely that you can guess where we are now, but i'm not going to outright say it because you don't have the right to know. 3/?

Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

i haven't talked to one of my best friends since everything happened. my whole team was forced to come out to support me. 4/?

Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

i miss helping you guys, i really do, but i can't with a good conscience put myself back in that situation again. 5/?

Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

i'm not going to be gone forever, but i might not be back on duty for a while. i'm sorry. 6/6

>sherlock apologist @thereichenbachtrip 

i'm so so sorry love. i'm here with you 100%.

>marcy :) (they/it) @spiderperson2.0 

what kind of best friend would stop talking to you because you're queer? you're better off without them babe :(

>>white boy of the month (they/he) @wereconnected 

that's not why.

>sammy (he/him) @commissionercrunch 

bud, we’re all behind you on this. please come talk to me soon, if you can.

>nyoom (he/him) @narutorun 

dude this sucks. over the past few months i've had to confront my own homophobia, and in that time i realized that i'm gay. i used to bully a kid in my school because he was trans. that doesn't excuse anything i did, and i regret it so much because of things like this. if you see this, i'm sorry peter.

>mj they/it @hahaurgay 

spidey i'm so sorry. i hate this a lot. please text me soon.

>not lincoln @thatisfalse 

please talk to the gc, spidey. even just me. we haven't seen you in so long. we’re worried.

from: [email protected]

to: [email protected]

subject: peter

————————————————————

he quit acadec a few months ago

re: peter

————————————————————

I know that, Abe.

re: peter

————————————————————

i mean we just haven't seen them in so long, all they do is go to class and go home. they said they quit because their aunt had to work more hours and couldn't drive them home anymore, but she never drove them home in the first place, they took a train

re: peter

————————————————————

Are you worried about their safety?

re: peter

————————————————————

no, i think he’s physically safe, but what are we supposed to do? just let him rot in his own misery?

re: peter

————————————————————

Abe, you know I won’t let that happen. Believe it or not, I do talk with his aunt about how he's doing. I do care, and I’m making sure he's safe, I promise.

re: peter

————————————————————

thank you. sorry.

Chapter Text

marcy :) (they/it) @spiderperson2.0 

sorry for the spidey stanning on main but we're all very worried about them right

>sherlock apologist @thereichenbachtrip 

oh yes very much so

>>marcy :) (they/it) @spiderperson2.0 

good good just checking in

>round ears @idontluz

mostly i'm just concerned for their safety like they haven't been around for so long, are we even sure they're physically fine? he said he and his guardian had to move out, was someone trying to harm them?

>>iron man kinnie✋😩‼️ @yohrciheegafemeahsma 

i mean honestly i don't think it's our place to theorize about the situation. avengers theory spaces are fun, but they shouldn't take place around serious topics like this. /lh /nm

>>>round ears @idontluz 

dude you're actually so right? thank you for that /g

>>>marcy :) (they/it) @spiderperson2.0 

i agree, thank you mabel <3

>>>>Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

hey guys i'm ok lol

>>>>>marcy :) (they/it) @spiderperson2.0 

@thereichenbachtrip @idontluz @yohrciheegafemeahsma .

>>>>>>round ears @idontluz 

oh

>>>>>>iron man kinnie✋😩‼️ @yohrciheegafemeahsma 

oh

>>>>>>sherlock apologist @thereichenbachtrip 

oh

THE DAILY BUGLE @TDBNEWS

 [ BREAKING: SPIDER-MAN IS BACK ONLINE ]

nyoom (he/him) @narutorun 

hey everyone personally my brain is breaking

mitski era (he/she) @firstspideyfanaccount

hm.

beter @peteyparkour 

i love the fantastic mr fox

>led needs @neddybear

peter.

>>beter @peteyparkour 

ned.

Eddie @user21947295214 

Hey everyone did uh did anyone else just have a really really weird experience like maybe reality breaking or

>Eddie @user21947295214 

Who the hell is spiderman

>>Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

there's a hyphen bud

>>>Eddie @user21947295214 

WHO ARE YOU

>>>>Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

you seem to be having a hard time man hows it going for you

>>>>>Eddie @user21947295214 

YEAH I'M HAVING A REALLY HARD TIME

>>>>>>Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

here how about you dm @theavengers and tell us what's going on? are you in danger?

>>>>>>>Eddie @user21947295214 

I really don't know

>>>>>>>>Eddie @user21947295214 

What's an avenger?

>>>>>>>>>Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

jesus dude you are in trouble

the avengers :) >>> Eddie

the avengers :): hey man what's going on?

Eddie: I don't know something happened and I glitched and now something called the daily bugle and the avengers exist and I GOT KICKED OUT OF A FANCY HOTEL ROOM THAT ISN'T MINE

the avengers :): hey you're gonna be ok, it's alright

the avengers :): where are you? one of us can come pick you up and take you to the tower, you'll be safe there

Eddie: Come pick me up? I don't know who you are, who's "us"?

the avengers :): right right i'm not used to people not knowing

the avengers :): the avengers are an official superhero organization created by nick fury of shield

the avengers :): shield is another organization but i forgot what it stands for

Eddie: So you deal with bad guys and whatever

Eddie: Venom be quiet

Eddie: Sorry I'm on text to speech my hands are shaky

the avengers :): are you with someone?

Eddie: I want to say no

Eddie: You know what you seem like you would get it

Eddie: If you can come to where I am I'll show you what I'm working with

the avengers :): alr this sounds sketchy but i'm calling it good enough

the avengers :): spider-man and the scarlet witch are going to come get you

Eddie: I don't know where I am

Eddie: It's raining so I'm in an alley

the avengers :): it's ok, wanda has powers

the avengers :): mhm that's real descriptive -wanda

the avengers :): shut up -sm

Eddie: I don't care anymore just come get me please it's freezing

the avengers :): yup yup right we'll be there asap

Chapter Text

sherlock apologist @thereichenbacktrip

y'all saw that tweet exchange between the lost man called eddie and spidey yeah

>marcy :) (they/it) @spiderperson2.0 

oh hell yeah i'm into the building lore tbh

>>sherlock apologist @thereichenbacktrip 

so real thanks

>Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

oh yeah guys he's ok!!! me and wanda are hanging w him rn, he seems chill

>>sherlock apologist @thereichenbacktrip 

but he's from a diff reality ?

>>>Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

yes :)

>>>>sherlock apologist @thereichenbacktrip 

least favorite mutual tbh

>>>>>Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

DIE

>>>>>>Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

/j /j /j /j /j oh my god twitters gonna crucify me

>>>>>>>sherlock apologist @thereichenbacktrip 

PUBLIC PROFESSIONAL ACCOUNT HELLO

>>>>>>>>Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

WHATEVER SHUT UP [CRY]

Eddie @user21947295214 

Hello eighteen thousand followers who the hell are you!!! Lovingly and respectfully

>sikenism real @yohrciheegafemeahsma 

my man we are asking the same thing!!

>>Eddie @user21947295214 

So true should I make an intro post

>>>sikenism real @yohrciheegafemeahsma 

yas do it omg my impact

>>>>Eddie @user21947295214 

@spooderman Come back from the kitchen I need help

Eddie @user21947295214 

There's more of you now! Crazy. I'm Eddie, he/him, and from what I've gathered I was summoned to this reality through unknown and unseen means. So I'm here for the time being enjoy me while you can

>Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

did you want to tell them about

>>Eddie @user21947295214 

No.

>>>sherlock apologist @thereichenbacktrip 

omg? omg lore?

>>>>Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

no lore for you bitchass (ily)

>>>>>sherlock apologist @thereichenbacktrip 

WOWWW SPIDER-MAN CYBERBULLIES CANON???? WOWWWWOWOWOW HOUND EM EVERYONE

>>>>>>marcy :) (they/it) @spiderperson2.0 

GET HIM TWITTER!!!!!

>>>>>>>Official Avenger™ (he/they) @spooderman 

CANT SAY ANYTHING ON THIS GODDAMN APP😭😭

>>>>>>>>marcy :) (they/it) @spiderperson2.0 

sounding like elon musk ..

beter @peteyparkour 

tonight is a tiktok slideshow night

>led needs @neddybear 

oh my god yall is he gonna kill himself

>>beter @peteyparkour 

maybe!! the night is still young i'm full of hope and possibility and /motive/😊

led needs >>> beter

led needs: unironically though do i need to come over

led needs: we can watch fantastic mr fox

beter: yes please that actually sounds fantastic

led needs: On my way!

beter: i miss harley

led needs: i know man

led needs: i'm bringing twix and mini m&ms i'll be there in a few

beter: lov u

led needs: same or whatever ..

beter: oh my god you get to meet eddie tonight

led needs: what

led needs: who !!

led needs: did you get another dog what did i miss

beter: CHECK THE TL OMG😭

led needs: ok ???

led needs: WHAT