Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Broken" by Lund

---

Will you end my pain?

He couldn't quite pin point what it was, but there was something seriously wrong with Papyrus. 

Sans paced the living room of his house, worry growing as the world outside got darker and darker. It wasn't normal for Papyrus to be out so dammed late. 

Not to mention his brother had been acting weirder and weirder this last few days, a lot more loving towards sans. Which sans might have found pleasant if not for just how tired papyrus looked all the time. 

Sans groaned in frustration, grabbing his jacket hurriedly and rushing out the door. He had to find Papyrus, something was seriously wrong.

---

Will you take my life?

"Hey Papyrus?"

"HMMM?" 

"Can I ask you a question?"

"GO AHEAD."

"Did something happen?"

"WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?"

"I don't know. You just seem... quieter than normal."

"WELL WORRY NOT FRIEND, I AM PERFECTLY FINE! I'M JUST... THINKING IS ALL!"

"Are you sure?"

"...YES."

"You don't sound sure."

"MAY WE STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS?"

"Hmm... I guess."

"THANK YOU, FRIEND!"

---

Will you bleed me out?

Sans huffed cold breaths into the Snowdin air, bones sore from running around so much. He'd normally just teleport, but Sans didn't wanna miss a thing. 

"Hey punk." A voice called through the snow.

Sans turned to find Undyne rushing towards him,. "I got your text! What happened?!"

Sans grimaced, "pap is missing."

Undyne's froze in shock, "Missing?" She repeated as if the word didn't make any sense. 

"he hasnt come back home in hours." Sans explained, 'and ive checked everywhere, i dont know where he couldve gone."

Undyne clenched her teeth, looking around desperately, "We'll need to expand our search, I can look through Waterfall and you can look through Hot land."

Sans gave a brief nod, turning away and disappearing behind a tree.

Undyne cursed under her breath, turning back towards waterfall. She pulled out her phone as she ran, quickly dialing Alphys' number.

"H-hey Undyne-"

"Alphys, I have a favor to ask."

---

Will you hang me out to dry?

The two sit in a quiet state, one looking to the brilliant glowing stones embedded in the cavern walls, the other staring down at the dark and cold ground. 

Finally, the tall skeleton speaks up, "DO YOU THINK THE SURFACE IS PRETTY?"

The small fower looks to the skeleton, a blank expression on his face, "How would I know?"

The skeleton sighed, "NO, I SUPPOSE YOU WOULDN'T..." 

The two went back to their silence, an uneasy tension hanging in the air.

The flower sneaks a look at his friend, confused by his low energy mood. 

"Papyrus," The flower speaks, "you look tired." 

"ITS NO MATTER." Papyrus exclaims, "I HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING AS MUCH SLEEP LATELY BECAUSE I'VE HAD TO DO EXTRA WORK FOR SANS, THAT LAZYBONES. I ASSURE YOU IT IS PERFECTLY FINE!" Yet his expression does not match his voice. 

Flowey inches closer, displeased with the excuse, "Come now Papyrus, you and I both know that isn't the cause."

Papyrus doesn't speak, opting to instead look intently at the grass below them. 

"What is it?" Flowey asks, annoyed, "Just tell me Papyrus. Why won't you tell me?"

Papyrus lets out a resigned sigh, picking slightly at his bones. "I just... don't wish to talk about it right now."

Flowey frowns at the sudden change in tone, it was certainly unexpected. He had rarely seen Papyrus this... tired. 

Flowey examines his friend much closer, looking for any clues for his friends strange mood. His eyes finally come across an unexpected sight indeed. 

---

Will you take my soul in the midnight rain?

Undyne was seriously frustrated, what the heck was the moronic skeleton up to?! Her first instinct was to assume he had went jogging or something, but it was nearly 2 am. There was no way in hell Papyrus would still be out and about so late. 

Papyrus was very punctual and would not be out and about any later than 9 pm. His bedtime was always 11 pm without failure. 

Undyne couldn't fathom a single reason for his absence in the skele-bros house. Perhaps if he got attacked? But Papyrus was a strong monster, even Undyne could barely keep up with him. Through he was rather naive, Undyne could honestly see him falling for a trick and somehow getting kidnapped. 

But there wasn't a single monster Undyine could think of that might want to kidnap her boney friend. 

Unless... 

There was a human. 

Undyne winced, if there was a human, there is little chance Papyrus would fight against it seriously. 

She growled in frustration, "Come on pap. PLEASE be ok." 

There was only one place in Waterfall left to look, and Undyne desperately hoped pap wouldn't be there. 

Cautiously, she descended into the dark abyss of the cavern, towards the dump. 

---

While I'm falling apart.

"Wha-"

Papyrus notices Floweys gaze and quickly pulls his gloves back up. 

"What the hell was that?" Flowey exclaims, wrapping his vines around Papyrus's glove.

Papyrus shoves Floweys vines off, a dark expression on his face. "I should be going." He mutters, trying to get up.

But Flowey quickly pushes Papyrus back down, reaching for his gloves again. He successfully pulls the gloves down, to reveal what he feared.

"What is this?" Flowey hisses angrily, shoving Papyrus' own arm into his face.

Papyrus barely flinches, a blank expression on his face. 

Flowey caresses Papyrus's arm, grazing the small fractures ever so carefully. 

"What have you been doing?" Flowey breaths worriedly, or what must have been the closest to worry he could feel. 

Papyrus avoids his gaze, tugging his arm back, "'tis nothing." 

Flowey's face grows enraged, his vines twisting around Papyrus at a fast rate. "It's not nothing." Flowey growls, "Who has been hurting you?"

Papyrus simply stares at Flowey with tired eyes, "It was me, ok? I must have tripped or something. "

Flowey's vines tighten, causing Papyrus to gasp in pain a little, "Not. Ok." Flowey hisses. 

Papyrus barely manages to speak through the crushing vines, "What does it matter anyways?" 

Flowey fumbles to find the right words, but he cant find an answer to Papyrus's question. because there is none. 
Why did it matter? 
Although Flowey cant find a satisfactory answer, he cant help but feel as though it does in fact matter.

Flowey tightens his vines yet again, a few flakes of dust rubbing off of Papyrus. "No," he grins, "I guess it doesn't matter."

Papyrus lets out little more than a small inhale at the sudden pain, his eyes staring blankly at Flowey.

Somehow this disgusts flowey more than anything else, he loosens his grip. 

"Don't get cold feet now." Papyrus breaths. 

Flowey simply stares at Papyrus in a mizture of shock, horror, and disgust. This was completely new. Sure, he had seen Papyrus down every now and again, but the skeleton before him looked completely... broken.

What had happened to him?

"I'm tired Flowey." Papyrus says, "Just let me rest now."

How could Flowey fix this?

he couldn't. 

It was broken beyond repair.

unless... A reset?

Flowey tightened his vines, yes, a reset would fix this. Then Papyrus could return to normal.
Then everything would be normal.
... right?

---

While I'm going insane.

By the time Sans finished searching Hotland, it was already rather early in the morning. Monsters milled about, without a care in the world. If not for the desperate skeleton running around, it might have been a normal morning. 

Yet this morning was anything but normal for Sans. He had been through countless resets, His schedule had been the same for the past year, any deviations was unheard of. And this was the biggest mystery yet. 

Perhaps it had been Flowey? Sans had witnessed that horrible flower do terrible things in the past, but he had never kept from a reset for such a long time. 

But Sans couldn't think of anything other than Flowey, nothing that would make Papyrus go missing out of the blue. 

A rigging sound broke his thoughts, prompting him to open his phone.

It was Undyne.

"hey, did you find him?"

"I... Yes."

Sans let out a huge sigh of relief, "where are you?" He demanded.

"The dump."

Sans frowned at his phone, Undyne's voice was uncharacteristically soft, but he tried to ignore that. 

"im on my way." Sans hung up, preparing to take a shortcut.

He tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach as he materialized next to Udnyne.

---

Don't you miss me when I'm gone.

Flowey stares down at the broken skeleton, a strange feeling tugging at his non existent soul.

Was this what sadness felt like? Flowey wasn't sure. But he sure didn't like it. As novel as it was, it felt dirty. 

He hadn't been able to kill papyrus. It was strange, he had done it so relentlessly many times before. But somehow this time was different, he just couldn't. 

Guess it was worse when he didn't.

Flowey had arrived just in time to see the tall skeleton step from the cliff, arms open wide. And for a second he had been suspended in the air, like an angel. Then he had plummeted down, scarf flailing widly in the wind until-

Until he had hit the ground. 

Flowey stares down at the unmoving skeleton before him, his body damaged beyond recognition, only his bright red scarf gave away his identity. 

Flowey feels the strange feeling inside him slowly disappear. 

Did it even matter? 

Perhaps it did. 

This time was different. 

And no matter how many resets there were, there was no fixing this. 

Flowey had never felt so empty, so broken. 

So he simply sank back into the ground. 

Broken beyond repair. 

---

Cause you're the fucking reason that I'm not around. 

His scarf hung tattered around his neck, a bruised red color. His skull was cracked brutally, revealing his hollow head. His sockets stared emptily ahead. 

Sans stared blankly at the broken form of his brother, his eyes dark as coal. 

Undyne was shaking, her face flickering between grief and rage. "Who did this?" She growled, her voice shaking with grief.

Sans scanned the surrounding, his eyes landing on a small yellow figure nearby.

"you" Sans spat, disappearing in a blink. He reappeared next to Flowey, bones shooting up to block any escape.

Flowey glowered at Sans, "What?"

"what the fuck did you do to papyrus?" Sans roared, his left eyes glowing a brilliant blue. 

Flowey hissed, averting his eyes, "I-it wasn't me." He mumbled.

"the hell you just say?" Sans growled. 

"I said-" Floweys voice broke, "I said I didn't do it."

"then how-"

Flowey glanced up towards the cliff.

Sans frowned in confusion, "he wouldnt have fallen. he's far too careful. and what would he be doing in waterfall anyway-"

Sans froze, eyes empty. 

He glanced at the broken from of his brother, there was the smallest trace of a grin on Papyrus' face.

How was he gonna fix this?

...

He couldn't fix this.

Chapter Text

Losing Interest by Shiloh

Losing interest, you won’t find no better than this

I swear girl if you leave, just let me know so I won’t look dumb when you move on.

The rain poured relentlessly over the small town of Ebott, pelting anyone who was foolish enough to go outside. And certainly, it seemed the residents of the small town were not foolish as there was nearly no one out in the street that particular night.

By no means did this mean the town was barren, despite the lack of people out and about it seemed there was still lots of life in the town. Lights glowed from various shops, restaurants, and homes cutting through the gloomy fog that had descended outside. Various sounds of talking and laughter filled the streets, echoing through even the most deserted of alleys. And the atmosphere of the town was one of warmth and cheer despite the cold weather.

And it was in this cold weather where two figures dashed through the wet streets, rushing towards a nearby bar. The taller figure held an umbrella, although it didn’t seem to be doing much to stop the rain. The two figures finally reached their destination, a bar by the name of Grillby’s. The tall figure shaking out his umbrella before ushering the smaller of the two figures into the bar and out of the rain.

Papyrus breathed a sigh of relief as he pushed his brother, Sans, into the warm bar. The scent of fresh food filled his nostrils, causing him to let out a little hum of content. The inside of the bar was so warm, so bright, so cheery compared to the streets outside.

“GOODNESS,” Papyrus exclaimed, looking down at his coat, “I AM ALL DRENCHED NOW.”

“aww bro, dont let that rain on your parade.” His brother spoke from in front of him, turning to give him a wink.

Papyrus gave his brother a small glare and a ‘tsk’ of disapproval before focusing on wringing the water out of his clothes. He wiped his boots on the doormat and made sure Sans did the same, it was important to keep the floors dry.

The two skeletons ventured into the bar, glancing around at the various monsters and humans alike who has gathered in Grillby’s. After a little bit of looking around, Papyrus tapped Sans and motioned towards a table where some very familiar monsters were seated.

“Sans! Papyrus!” Undyne exclaimed, standing up from her seat. “You guys finally made it!”

“YES,” Papyrus grinned at her apologetically, “SORRY WE ARE SO LATE. THE WEATHER OUTSIDE WAS A PAIN TO DRIVE IN.”

“T-there’s no w-worry.” A small yellow lizard piped up from besides Undyne. “You guys w-were only s-six minutes late.”

“LATE NEVERTHELESS.” Papyrus frowned.

“Well, you’re here now!” Undyne grinned, “Here, we saved ya a seat!” She ushered the two skeletons into the two final empty chairs.

Papyrus placed his umbrella on the floor next to him before looking around the table at all his friends. There sat Undyne and Alphys next to each other in a booth, with an uncomfortable looking Asgore sitting squeezed against the wall next to the couple. Toriel sat on the other side of the table next to Frisk who was holding a flowerpot containing an annoyed looking Flowey. It really seemed that everyone had made it.

Everyone looked eagerly at Sans, an excited tension filling the air. This was, after all a little get together to celebrate the older skeleton.  

“So,” Torial spoke, breaking the silence, “how is your new job?!”

Sans smiled sheepishly, blushing a little. “its going pretty good i think.”

“HE’S JUST BEING HUMBLE.” Papyrus grinned, “I HAVE HEARD NOTHING BUT GOOD COMMENTS ABOUT SANS FROM HIS NEW COLLEAGES!”

“Who would’ve thought, a professor at a university!” Undyne pumped her fist, “I mean, I always knew you were a nerd, but this is pretty big!”

Sans chuckled in embarrassment, but he had a huge grin on his face. Papyrus smiled at his brother affectionately, he really was proud of Sans. Sans was actually out, doing something for once. No more needing to drag him out of bed, no more checking up on him at his station to find him sleeping, no more trips to Grillby to berate the skeleton for slacking on his job.

For a split second, Papyrus’ grin faltered. A sudden strange feeling filled his chest as he attempted to regain his grin. Papyrus wasn’t sure where that came from, but he didn’t want it to spoil his night.

However, as the monsters continued to talk, the feeling in Papyrus’ chest didn’t really go away. He felt as though there was something tugging at his soul, making him feel cold despite the warmth of the bar.

Papyrus was slipping in and out of the conversation now, seemingly unable to focus on what everyone else was saying. The feeling in his chest was unbearable at that point, causing him to clench his hands tightly. He didn’t wanna ruin the night. He REALLY didn’t want to ruin Sans’ night. But he couldn’t for the life of him figure out where this strange feeling had come from, or how to make it stop.

“Papyrus?” A voice spoke, cutting through his thoughts.

He jerked his head up, giving a small smile.

“YES?”

“Are you ok?” A concerned Toriel asked him. “You look distracted.”

Papyrus gave an apologetic smile, “AH, YES SORRY. JUST NOT A BIG FAN OF THIS GREASY FOOD.” He gave a small look at the untouched burger sitting on his plate.

Toriel hummed softly, “Well if you want you can order something… less greasy.”

Papyrus shook his head, “ITS ALRIGHT, TORIEL. I AM NOT SO HUNGRY ANYWAYS. BESIDES THIS DINNER IS TO CELEBRATE MY WONDERFUL BROTHER, NOT TO EAT GREASY FOOD.”

Toriel have him a small smile, “Alright dear, but if you do wish to order something else just let us know.”

“OF COURSE!” Papyrus felt a shiver run through him at his lie. He wasn’t sure why but he suddenly felt as if he didn’t want to be at the table anymore.

“ACTUALLY,” He spoke, standing up, “I THINK I WILL GO ORDER SOMETHING ELSE.” Papyrus left the table, walking out of sight of the group.

He paused near the bar, glancing back at the obscured table. He honestly just wanted to leave right now. But he didn’t want to ruin the fun, everyone seemed to be having a fun time laughing and joking. Even Flowey had warmed up, joining in on teasing Frisk. So… why wasn’t Papyrus also sitting there, laughing and joking?

Papyrus glanced tiredly at the door, before pushing it open and stepping outside. The cool air rushed over him, causing him to shiver. He stepped out onto the sidewalk, glancing at the sky above. It seemed the seemingly endless rain had finally come to a stop, nothing but light raindrops fell on his outstretched hand.

Papyrus stood in the drizzle for a little, basking in the cold night. He felt the weird feeling in his chest lessen slightly, though it still seemed to tug at his soul. Papyrus really didn’t know why he felt like this. He should be happy. He should be indoor hanging out with his friends, celebrating his favorite person in the world. But instead he was out in the cold rain, hugging himself.

Papyrus just felt so… tired. But tired of what? He really didn’t know. Maybe he was just tired of feeling this way all the time. Tired of feeling so cold around his friends, tired of having to fake a smile, tired of the weird feeling in his chest that didn’t seem to go away.

It had all started after the final reset, after Frisk has opened the barrier and let all the monsters free for the last time. At first Papyrus had been doubtful there wasn’t going to be another reset, but as the months passed his friends slowly began their new lives on the surface. And soon, everyone was doing something new. Undyne was a police officer now, Toriel was a school teacher, even Frisk was the acting ambassador for monster kind.

Papyrus was the one unchanging, still stuck in the resets. The resets that had ended more than a year ago.

And now…

Now even Sans had moved on. Even Sans was starting his new life on the surface. And Papyrus was the only one still stuck in the past.

Papyrus didn’t know why he was like this. Why he spent so much time thinking of the past and worrying about the future, why he could never just live in the present. Papyrus gave a mirthless chuckle, his eye sockets growing darker.

He turned back towards Grillby’s, looking through the bright windows at his friends. They were still sitting at the table, smiling and laughing at one another. Papyrus felt the coldness grow, as he shivered slightly. This time it wasn’t the rain making him shiver, he just felt cold. From deep inside.

Papyrus wondered if his friends would even notice if he just left. He wondered if they had even noticed he had been gone this whole time. Left behind, stuck in the resets that had ended a long time ago.

No, Papyrus couldn’t think that his friends didn’t care about him anymore. He couldn’t think they were pushing him always slowly, moving on. Because deep in his heart, he knew they all cared for him. He knew they’d never leave him behind. This was all his own fault. He was the one falling behind, he was the one pushing himself away.

For what?

Why?

Papyrus genuinely didn’t know. He just didn’t have the energy anymore to be around his friends. It seemed he spent his days stuck in his own head, detached from the world around him. Sitting in his bed at 4 am, feeling empty and cold.

Papyrus wanted nothing more than to just go out in the world, to embrace his new life and join his friends. But he couldn’t muster the energy to do so.

Papyrus lifted his face towards the sky, letting the rain fall down his head. He laughed emptily into the night, spreading his arms wide.

Papyrus had always had a fear of suffocating. It didn’t come from the countless times he had been squeezed mercilessly by Flowey, not from the times Frisk has brutally cut off his head. It came from inside him. Sometimes thoughts and feelings became so overwhelming, he felt like he couldn’t breath anymore.

Although Papyrus was in no danger of actually suffocating due to his lack of lungs, there was something so powerful on an emotional level that he felt as though he would actually suffocate when these feelings and thoughts overwhelmed him.

But sometimes he let those feelings wash over him, he let himself think horrible thoughts. Thoughts about how much better his friends would be without himself holding them back, thoughts about how insignificant he was, thoughts about how tried he was, thoughts about how fast everything faded away. He let himself feel cold. He let himself feel a pain in his chest. It was like a knife cutting through his soul.

Emotional cutting, he mused.

Not self-harm.

Never self-harm.

But letting himself hurt inside, letting himself cut through his own soul. Papyrus supposed at times the pain felt raw, sometimes it made him feel more alive than anything else. But the strange feeling seemed to have taken permanent residence in his chest.

Papyrus honestly couldn’t remember what it felt like to feel normal. What it felt like without the pain. What it felt like not being tired all the time.

Papyrus stared into the cold night, contemplating what to do next. He was sure his friends were probably wondering where he was now. But he wasn’t sure if he could go back and act normal.

Papyrus really didn’t want to ruin the night though. But just the thought of his friends laughing and smiling made his soul grow cold again. He supposed he had no other choice.

 “I’m truly sorry Sans.” Papyrus spoke into the night air, “I truly am proud of you, brother. I am sorry I’m like this, I really wish I wasn’t. But I just feel too tired right now, and it just feels too cold. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

Papyrus turned towards the dark street, disappearing from the warm glow of Grillby’s into the dark night. He supposed he’d need to make up an excuse later to explain to Sans why he had to leave early.

But for now, he’d just feel cold and empty by himself.