Work Text:
Hinata Shouyou can’t exactly pinpoint the exact moment he fell In love with Kageyama Tobio but he’s in love and that’s all that matters, he thinks. He can’t exactly pinpoint the moment he realized there was a whole universe behind Kageyama’s cerulean blue eyes.
His pretty blue eyes that Shouyou loved.
His eyes the color of the universe sprinkled with the brightest stars. The way Shouyou could distinguish every little glow and shine in those eyes, the way they lit up when Kageyama did a perfect set or the way they almost glittered when something excited him, lips curling up in that way that made Shouyou’s stomach do somersaults.
Speaking of stars, Hinata wondered if his fingers ever brushed through Kageyama’s dark hair and messed it up, would stars and moonlight would fall from each strand? He wondered if stars hid beneath those almost midnight black hair that the wind would play softly with.
Hinata would never say it out loud but he was jealous, he was so jealous of the rain and the wind—the way they could so freely kiss his cheeks.
Hinata was jealous of the nights and every second of every hour he couldn’t spend with Kageyama Tobio.
No, Hinata can’t pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love with Kageyama Tobio but he can tell you this exactly; falling in love with Kageyama Tobio was slow, painful, confusing, and it was like watching the waves when you’re standing at the shore—you’d watch the waves retreat and watch it approach with the same eyes, you’d watch it approach and you expect it to fall short, to not hit your toes but it does, and your foot that’s buried in the sands is now ankle deep in sea water.
Realizing he was in love with Kageyama was like a whiplash. It hurt.
“When did it all change?” That’s what left Tobio’s lips as he stood beside Hinata the night after their graduation.
“What do you mean, idiot?” Shouyou raised a brow, tearing his gaze away from the ocean.
It was an impulse decision.
When Hinata and his family had come home from a celebration at a restaurant, he changed into a hoodie and sweats. It was as if his body moved on its own, his brain didn’t even process what he was doing.
‘Do you wanna take a walk with me? One last time?’
When he realized what he just did, it was too late, the text had already been sent—and Kageyama already gave a rare reply.
‘Sure’
And that’s how they found themselves by the bay, watching the moonlight reflect off the surface of the water, the cold night air sending ripples to disturb the peace and calm.
“When did we change? ”
Shouyou didn’t know what he meant, there were so many things he could answer, so many possibilities to what he was trying to say.
Kageyama brought his eyes back to the city lights in the distance. It was calming, it was…perfect.
“What do you mean?” Hinata felt his fingers grow cold—he felt so much colder.
“I can’t put a finger on it but something has changed between us,” Kageyama hesitated to continue his sentence, “Are you mad at me or something?”
Hinata felt special. It wasn’t everyday you got the Kageyama Tobio to worry about you.
And Hinata wished he wasn’t like that. Because every worried look and every smile made him fall so much deeper in love.
He didn’t need that.
He didn’t want that because he knew how this was going to end. Him alone and in tears, probably calling up Kenma to cry some more.
“I’m…” Should I tell him? “I…”
“Spit it out dumbass,” Though the words sounded harsh, Tobio said it in such a soft way that Shouyou swore his heart was going to leap out of his chest any minute now.
“I’m scared!”
“Why?”
“Because…” Hinata ran a hand through his orange locks before hiking up his hoodie, he didn’t want Kageyama to see the blush on his cheeks and the tears threatening to fall.
“Because I just don’t want to let this go, us go—Karasuno has become my safe place, ok? It’s stupid I know but I just want to rewind time, to our first year, when Tanaka, Nishinoya, Sugawara, and the other third years were still with us, and pause,” Hinata reached a hand up, discretely wiping away his tears, thankful that Kageyama wasn’t looking over him.
The setter was intently listening. He wasn’t the best with feelings or with words either, he was trying his best to understand Hinata’s thought process and his reluctance on growing up.
“I want to photograph us in those moments, stay that way forever, keep us in that little bubble and never grow up,”
“You’re scared because you think you’re gonna lose what we’ve built?”
“Yes,”
It was a half truth.
Yes, Hinata Shouyou was absolutely scared of growing up but the very reason why he changed was because he knew that if he spent too much time with Tobio, he’d have a hard time trying to hold his feelings back. The dam was always at the brink of breaking apart.
It was physically painful trying to hold himself back from yelling “I’m fucking in love with you!”
But he can’t risk that.
He can’t risk losing Kageyama at all.
“Dumbass,” If Tobio had to be honest, he doesn’t really know what to say. He is a man of few words. “Dumbass, it’s just…you have to accept it, It’s not something you can just stop, y’know?”
“Words of wisdom,” Hinata snickered, hiding the overwhelming feeling in his chest.
It was such a cliche—to fall for your best friend.
Neither of them spoke up after, the calming silence between them settling. The silence that the both of them got used to after 3 years.
Hinata closed his eyes.
This was probably going to be the last night they would ever be together and he wanted to memorize what it’s like to be this close to him. He wanted to savor the feeling of having Kageyama Tobio at arm’s length before moments like these would only be a memory.
“So I have something to tell you,” Hinata let out a shaky breathe, opening his eyes to look over at the setter.
“Hm?” Kageyama returned the spiker’s gaze.
“I’m leaving the country,”
Kageyama’s mouth opened slightly.
“I thought…I thought we were going to try for the same team?”
Hinata wanted to say“I can’t because If I do, I don’t think I’d be able to unlove you,”
But instead, all he said was, “I got a good offer,”
His smile was sad, it was broken, it was screaming “Tell me to stay and I’ll stay”
“Well,” Kageyama looked away, “Congrats,”
“Tell me to stay please,”
“Do you wanna go get ramen? Last one, at least for now?” The taller one turned around.
“Ask me to stay,”
Hinata Shouyou couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love with Kageyama Tobio but he could tell you the exact moment his heart broke into a million pieces.
Hinata Shouyou could point to you the exact moment he realized some things are better left unsaid.