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Beomgyu wished it was just a fever dream. Well, literally, it was a fever dream, but he wished it was just his hallucination or just a simple dream. Maybe? A nightmare, perhaps? But it wasn't. And Beomgyu is sure he's about to live his nightmare after Yeonjun wakes up from his uncomfortable-looking sleep on the loveseat. Everything was fresh and was vividly emblazoned in his mind, yes, like in Mariah Carey's song, and it was replaying, everything that happened last night. The vulnerable crying, hugging Yeonjun, and then the confession of not only once, but twice. Like once wasn't enough to embarrass yourself.
Dear God, Beomgyu wanted to pull on his hair but refrained from doing so as he still wasn't in his best condition and making his head ache again wasn't really a good decision. He just lay there and stared at the ceiling, thinking back about his life decisions and how he should act around the older. What is he supposed to do now? Ignore what he said? Tell Yeonjun he doesn't remember anything from last night? Well, for Pete's sake, he wasn't drunk last night. It'll be lame to say so. He was just sick and hallucinating and tripping, and now he wanted to vanish himself from the surface of the Earth and never come back, ever again. He can't do anything more embarrassing than what he did last night.
"How are you?"
Beomgyu jolted from his position and stupidly hit his head on the headboard when Yeonjun came into his field of view.
"Careful!" Yeonjun exclaimed, surging forward to hold his head, but Beomgyu's reflexes reacted even faster and he dodged Yeonjun's hand, moving to the left side of his bed. What a time to have such good reflexes, right? He felt awful doing that, but his heart was in such a dangerous state that he might have to call an emergency in case it failed, so he thought it was just normal to react that way.
Right?
"You might get infected." He defended in the blink of an eye. Yeonjun just looked at him incredulously through probably bleary eyes, but didn't question his actions.
That's good. That's great. Off to a good start then.
"How are you feeling?" The elder asked again.
"Good, if not great." He said and scurried off to his feet. "I'm going to take a bath." He excused himself and ran off to his closet. Acting not very suspicious, right.
He picked his clothes and ran off to his bathroom, passing by a confused Yeonjun.
A little later, after Beomgyu's done eating his breakfast, which didn't really go well because his panicking gay ass just jumped on his seat when Yeonjun appeared beside him, holding a pitcher of orange juice and a glass, followed by his continuous refusal of Yeonjun's service, which he might be begging for any other day, but it was different now. He was just hyperalert of the elder's presence, afraid that Yeonjun might say something that'll shake his grounds and he didn't like it one bit.
They were now walking back to his bedroom, Yeonjun following close behind.
"Do you have any plans today?" The elder asked, startling Beomgyu out of his daze.
"Oh..." He whispered in surprise as he held his hand over his chest.
"Why are you acting so strangely? What happened overnight?" Yeonjun asked, frustratingly knitting his brows together.
You happened, Beomgyu thought.
"Nothing, why'd you ask?" He asked back, returning to his tracks on his way back to his room.
"You're sure jumpy today. What's up?" Beomgyu must be hallucinating. Yeonjun was asking nicely when he continued to go up the stairs.
"Must be the ceiling." He murmured, not really sure how to answer the question, but the elder heard it.
"What?" Yeonjun asked, coming even closer and ebbing away the safe distance Beomgyu had provided for the both of them.
"Nothing!" He answered and zoomed inside his room, locking it in the process.
The whole day, Beomgyu was sulking in his room, staring nowhere. He thought how much he regretted disobeying Yeonjun for the first time in his mortal life. If he wasn't so hardheaded, he might have saved himself from getting sick in the first place and confessed with a really fussy mind and then later on passed out. Yes, he did pass out. He can remember confessing that right after falling into deep darkness. It may be his reflexes telling him how dumb he is and then his reflexes sending the message to his brain to just shut down because how embarrassing was what he did? Though he was glad Yeonjun didn't bring up anything from the past hours, the elder was sensitive enough to not touch that topic just yet, and Beomgyu was thankful.
Yeonjun knocked on his door a couple of times though, checking on him, asking him if he was hungry, not feeling well, or if he needed anything. Then, the last time he knocked, he asked, "Why is the door locked?" He asked, his voice muffled because of the barrier between them.
"Can't I lock it?" He retorted which didn't really sounded good because when did saying something in an annoyed manner good?
"Alright then, just call anyone on the intercom when you need anything." Yeonjun said, and Beomgyu heard footsteps towards the left, which is the way to the stairs.
Beomgyu felt bad for saying what he just said. He considered calling the elder to apologize, but that would be strange because Beomgyu never called Yeonjun unless it was about school, like when he forgot his uniform or books or whatever, but never to say something mundane. And it might spark the topic he was trying to completely avoid. So, he left his phone on while Yeonjun's contact was displayed on the screen, until it was the only thing lighting up his room.
He gave up and sprawled on his bed.
He's never been this thorn over something, but it was just natural to be this way when you confessed not-so-accidentally, right?
And now that he's thinking about it again, the inevitable fear crept into his chest, exuding an ugly feeling in the pit of his stomach. Then there went the questions coursing through his mind.
What if Yeonjun moves away? When they weren't even that close to each other yet? What if Yeonjun's just really doing his job? Did he just misread the signs? The gleams in the elder's eyes, the careful touches, the gradual restraint of being too serious, the treats, when he's always there. What if those were just a part of 'doing his job'. What if...
Yeonjun's been the source of his serotonin, his constant fount of good mood and happiness and fluttery feelings. Well then, what if Beomgyu mistook his own feelings? What if it's just a temporary infatuation? What if he's just highly emotional and was just seeking happiness from someone? What if he's just in love with the... emotion?
Okay, okay, this is so complicated and Beomgyu wanted to cry from it, but it sure won't bring an answer to his problems. Let's discern everything.
He's nervous when Yeonjun's close, he's just better at hiding it. Or so he thinks. His heart never fails to flutter whenever Yeonjun shows he cares for him. He's happy when Yeonjun's less stoic. But he also likes it when the elder's on his usual snappy side, when he's being a killjoy and restricting Beomgyu from doing literally anything, and when he's always there ready to help Beomgyu with anything, even if it's the smallest things. When he's there... Beomgyu liked it... a little too much.
He's even more confused and he's not so sure anymore, but he's sure he wants Yeonjun to be happy. That's already given, and Beomgyu won't hesitate to let go and be sad just for Yeonjun to have what he wants because that's how Yeonjun has been, always determined, and oh my goodness, he does not like Yeonjun.
Not at all.
Because it's not just a simple "like" anymore. Beomgyu adores him, and oh dear, if that didn't sound so terrifying and massive. But he was ready to take any risk. That is only if Yeonjun wanted it too, which he had no idea about because the elder wasn't an open book you could read. He's too deep, just like a well, and he keeps confusing Beomgyu to the ends of the earth.
He came to a conclusion, but at what cost? Damn. It was still confusing.
The following day, Beomgyu stuck himself inside his room, scared to face Yeonjun upon the realization he had just had last night. His food was just brought by a maid and brought down by the same maid. It was a little too much for him to do that to a certain maid, but he didn't really want to go out!
Yeonjun was confused, of course.
"You won't go outside?" The elder asked.
"Nope!" He answered, wrapping his comforter around his body tighter.
"How about your suit? When are we going to buy one?"
"I told you I'm not going to buy one!" He shouted.
"How about a partner? Have you found one?" He asked again.
"I'm going to ask Taehyun!" He answered, hoping that would be enough to stop Yeonjun from speaking to him.
"Alright, just call me when you need anything." Yeonjun said, a little too silent and dolorous, that Beomgyu had to squint his eyes, which did nothing. The dolorous part might just be an overestimation and his hallucinations mixed together in a haze.
On the third day of his hiding mission, he was still inside his room, never really showing even a finger to the elder, which got Yeonjun a little frustrated if he was right. When he'd heard Yeonjun murmur behind his door, saying, "damn the audacity of this kid to not show his face to me for two straight days." Then he heard footsteps gradually walking away. He was shocked and that's all he felt, aside from the approximately six butterflies in his stomach making themselves at home in there.
It was just the third day, but then it was suddenly the fourth day of hiding when Beomgyu gave up with what he was doing. It was dreadful. His heart was already aching and missing the sight of the love of his life because he hadn't seen the older for three days. The longest he ever got not seeing Yeonjun and it was harder than he thought. He thought it was some kind of practice for the foreseeable future, but it was only three days and he was already dying. Oh, what would happen to him then?
It was dumb too, because he thought if he didn't see Yeonjun for some time, he'd forget what he was feeling, but oh boy was he so wrong. Of course, he was more mistaken than when he debated with his smartest classmate about the formula for that one business-related thing, and he was definitely at fault then. He just won because he was louder. Him, trying to justify to himself that he'd lose the feelings if he didn't see the elder for a few days had just proven ineffective and it just got wilder inside his heart. Every time Yeonjun's voice would call for him behind the door, his butterflies were like a version of his angel and devil, but only more awful as they seemed to ask, "How dare he forget such a beautiful feeling?"
So, he stepped out in the morning of the fourth day, looking left and right as if he were crossing a road before he completely stepped out. He tiptoed down the hallways until he reached the empty kitchen. He thought he was some sneaky ninja doing so, but also felt ridiculous because he was sneaking around his own house.
He was busy rummaging through the refrigerator for some leftover deserts he had last night.
"Oh," a little interjection from a familiar voice made him jump on his place, closing the refrigerator's door a little too hard, harder than when he got out of the car and slammed the door with all the excitement in the world. "Look who finally decided to show himself to the outside world."
Beomgyu pursed his lips and turned on his heels. His heart relentlessly skipped a beat when he saw Yeonjun leaning on the far right counter, looking fine with his azure long-sleeved polo and black slacks, along with his usual shiny leather shoes, just minus the scary holster.
He didn't really think that he'd blush and panic at the sight. So...
"Hi!" He said and zoomed out of the kitchen, too nervous to even think clearly.
He heard haste and big footsteps behind him, which doesn't really have to be scary, but Beomgyu was scared.
"Where are you going?" He heard Yeonjun ask as he scurried on his feet.
"Anywhere!"
He almost tripped but gladly held tightly onto the railings and kept himself up.
"Why the heck are you running?" Yeonjun bellowed, following him when he walked-ran past his room.
"Why are you chasing me?" He barked in a haste, his voice turning a little pitchy. He drifted to the left and towards his hideout.
"Stop running!"
"Nope!"
"Beomgyu!"
He bit his lips and pulled the frame, but Yeonjun was faster than him as the elder encaged him in between his arms and the wall while Beomgyu had his back to his direction, heaving a little from the little running they did.
"Why were you running?" Yeonjun asked calmly. His breath almost ghosted his neck.
"W—well, you were—running after me," Beomgyu stuttered.
"Look at me," Beomgyu said, as he shamelessly shivered. He wanted the ground to just open up and swallow him whole. However, he complied at the elder's command. "Why were you running?" Yeonjun asked, once again.
"They were scary." He answered cryptically.
"Well, I'm here. Why were you scared?"
"Because I'm oblivious." He answered, his head downcast. "I don't know anything. I have no idea about anything. I'm just scared." He added in haste.
"Why don't you ask?" Yeonjun asked, his index finger landing on the younger's chin, slowly lifting his head up. "How would you know if you weren't going to ask and just run away from it?"
Yeonjun. Yeonjun looked at him right through his soul, and there and then, he wanted to crumble. He felt immensely small and warm, and he somehow liked the feeling of it.
"Scared..." He whispered.
"Don't be," Yeonjun said and Beomgyu's heart hammered even faster, like it wasn't zooming in the first place when Yeonjun moved closer, his eyes crossing at the proximity.
It was his instinct that told him to close his eyes when Yeonjun moved closer to his own, dissipating the comfortable distance between them. And then he felt it, the plump fair of lips, morphed into a smile as it landed on his forehead.
"Because I like you too."