Archive of Our Own

Tsukishima Kei was miserable. 

Ok, maybe that was an overstatement. 

He truly felt like he should be used to this. Every year around the same time, Yamaguchi would tell him he was going on a trip to see his grandfather. To which Tsukishima would respond with: ”Oh ok. How long will you be gone?” And Yamaguchi would reply two weeks without fail. He'd leave and Tsukishima would receive a few texts and partake in a few phone calls where Yamaguchi’s voice would repeatedly cut out due to the horrible cell service. Then bam! Yamaguchi was back and they quickly fell back into their normal routine. 

So why was Tsukishima feeling oh so restless? 

”I’m going on a trip next week. The trip to my grandfather’s, I mean.” Yamaguchi sat cross-legged on the ground, holding his left hand out to Tsukishima. 

Tsukishima carefully dragged the brush with black polish against the nail of Yamaguchi’s middle finger, using his other hand to gently hold his friend’s steady. He wasn't surprised by any means. What did make him do a mental double-take though was the way it felt like a stake had been driven through his heart the moment Yamaguchi said he would be leaving. The corners of his mouth dipped downwards into a frown as his eyes narrowed ever so slightly, resulting in him giving the ring finger on Tadashi’s hand the evil eye. ”Already?” He questioned as he dunked the brush back into the bottle of nail polish. 

Yamaguchi nodded with a slight smile on his face. ”Why do you look like that? You know I go every year.” A small chuckle escaped his lips, and Tsukishima chose to ignore the way he felt like he had a fever. He mumbled to himself as he rolled his eyes. Yamaguchi smiled at him with a knowing glint in his eye. 

”You’re gonna miss me.”

”Shut up Yamaguchi. And stop moving your hands, I'm almost done.”

 Tsukishima would never forgive his voice for softening up as he reached the end of his sentence. 

Yamaguchi giggled a little. ”Sorry, Tsukki.” 

As Tsukishima finished up his handiwork in the comfortable silence that followed, he thought about Yamaguchi’s previous accusation. Does he miss Yamaguchi when he leaves? Absolutely. Without a doubt. Tsukishima still remembers when Yamaguchi went on the trip for the first time and he had spent the entire duration of his friend’s absence pouting in his room, only leaving when Akiteru or his mother forced him out to eat. Despite that, Kei couldn't help that he felt somewhat...different this time. He felt at a loss as to what he was going to do because before this his plans for next week had consisted of: go with Yamaguchi to see that new movie. Take Yamaguchi to go get those God awful fries he likes after practice. Sleepover with Yamaguchi, and so on. An unfamiliar and uncomfortable tingling sensation worked its way onto the hand that held Yamaguchi’s steady. Tsukishima felt his nose scrunch up as he finished the last nail on Yamaguchi’s hand and pulled his own hand away. Yamaguchi smiled down at his nails, appreciating Tsukishima’s work. His eyes were bright as they scanned over the black paint coating his nails before looking back up and making contact with Kei’s. 

The tight feeling in his chest that made him feel like he was getting strangled led to Tsukishima averting his gaze. 

”Thank you, Tsukki! You did a good job. I can never do them because of how shaky my hands are.” Yamaguchi chuckled, saying the same thing he does every time Tsukishima painted his nails. It was the entire reason Tsukishima had started doing it for him in the first place. He nodded at Yamaguchi’s praise while tightly twisting the cap of the polish to keep it from spilling, hyper-aware of the fact that his face was rubescent. 

Something was very off, yet he couldn't seem to match a name with the issue. 

He fell asleep that night fidgeting with his fingers as Tadashi laid next to him, snoring softly while Kei was cursing every God that could possibly exist. 

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A week later, as promised, Tsukishima was sitting on the porch of the Yamaguchi household to see his friend off on his trip. He was cross-legged on the deck, while Yamaguchi sat in front of him in the same position. His head was tilted down slightly allowing him to stare intently at the fingers of his intertwined hands. Meanwhile, Tsukishima was staring at the back of Yamaguchi’s head while he carded his hands through his friend's hair. He twisted it into braids and messily gathered it together as if he was going to put it up with an invisible hair tie. His tongue pressed harshly against the roof of his mouth, his jaw wired shut as he focused solely on if Yamaguchi’s hair was always so smooth between his fingers. 

The silence was broken with the saccharine voice of a particular pinch server. 

”I’ll make sure to call you.” Yamaguchi let out a sigh as Tsukishima snaked his hand around to brush his bangs out of his face. A small snicker came from Tsukishima while his heart’s pace seemed to quicken a minuscule amount. ”You act like your phone actually works over there.” 

”It’s the thought that counts, Tsukki.”

”I suppose so.”

As he continued to work his fingers through Yamaguchi’s hair Tsukishima managed to spare a glance to his side. Tadashi’s father was currently double-checking to make sure all the bags were shoved into the trunk of the car. Hitomu, Tadashi’s younger brother, seemed far too interested in a beetle that crawled along the pavement. The sun was starting to set, allowing for a wash of warm yellow to paint itself on all of the members of the Yamaguchi household. Tsukishima smiled to himself ever so slightly before turning back to admire the way his friend’s hair curled slightly around the nape of his neck. It had certainly gotten longer since their middle school days, not that Kei was complaining. 

”I think you might have to leave soon. Your dads checking to see if everything in the car and Hitomus’ already outside, ” Tsukishima drawled, giving into the utter domestic nature of the scene he found himself a part of. Yamaguchi sighed and with a small tug of his hair(courtesy of Tsukishima), he allowed his head to fall back and rest on Tsukishima’s shoulder. Tsukishima felt himself stiffen as he glanced down to see Yamaguchi lazily looking up with him, eyes half-lidded. A small, placid smile found a home on the freckled boy’s face, and despite Tsukishima’s growing discomfort due to the fact that his mouth suddenly felt extremely dry and he couldn't shake the urge to start violently drumming his fingers on the porch to distract himself, he returned the gesture. He noticed out of his peripheral vision that Yamaguchi was holding himself up with his hand in order to keep himself from dropping all his weight onto Tsukishima. He also noticed how easy it would be to place one of his hands over Tadashi’s and idly curl his fingers over his. ”I don't wanna go right now…” The words left Yamaguchi’s lips in nothing more than a slight mumble. Tsukishima couldn't help but admire the sleepy lilt in his friend’s voice and how it suited him perfectly. He didn't force himself to reply. Instead, he grasped a strand of Yamaguchi’s hair between his index and middle finger and gently pulled again, earning him a soft giggle. The two sustained eye contact for a brief moment before Yamaguchi let his eyes fall closed. Tsukishima had to fight the urge to do the same as he gently traced circles into his friend’s forehead with his thumb. 

Tadashi’s father cleared his throat. 

Tsukishima’s head snapped up, his eyes blown wide from the sudden intrusion. It's not as if he had been doing anything wrong. In fact, he was prone to playing with Tadashi’s hair every chance he got. So why was he now acting as if he had just gotten caught in such a compromising situation? 

 Yamaguchi-san wore a smile on his face as he looked down at his son’s best friend though. His eyebrow was slightly raised as his eyes scanned over Kei’s face. Tadashi groaned at the sudden noise from his father and the movement from Tsukishima as he heaved himself off of his shoulder. ”I’m coming, I'm coming!” He attempted to rub the sleep out of his eyes, hands balled into fists as he harshly worked his palms against his closed eyes. Tsukishima suddenly felt extremely cold now that Yamaguchi had left his side, but that was quickly replaced with a sudden wave of heat due to the embarrassment that had come moments before. 

”You can sleep in the car, Tadashi. You too, Hitomu! Get in the car.” The older man yelled over his shoulder before turning his attention to the two boys sitting in front of him. He let out a small chuckle and went to roughly ruffle the hair on Kei’s head, causing him to scrunch his eyes shut tightly as a subtle sign of protest. ”He’ll be back before you know it, Kei! We’re gonna be leaving now, but I'll let you two have your final send-off and such, ” A gruff laugh came from the back of his throat as he removed his hand from Tsukishima’s head, ”Oh, and tell your mother I said hello. Akiteru as well if you get the chance.” Kei went to work already trying to fix his now messy hair and nodded. ”Alright then.” Yamaguchi-san turned at last making his way to start the car and wrestle the energetic ten-year-old into the back seat. Finally being left alone, Tsukishima turned his head to see his friend using a hand to hide his snicker. 

His face turned about sixty-five different shades of red as he noticed the lively glint in his friend's dark eyes. 

He couldn't manage to fight off the smile that allowed his teeth to show as he went to pull Yamaguchi’s hand away from his mouth. ”Asshole, ” he teased as Yamaguchi softly laughed at him, going to wrap his arms around Tsukishima’s neck. Tsukishima returned touch by wrapping his arms around Yamaguchi’s torso and pulling him tight against him. His heart betrayed him as his breath caught in his throat and he couldn't help but feel as if he had just finished running a marathon. 

They stayed like that for a brief moment until Yamaguchi gave him one final squeeze and pulled back, already going to stand up. Tsukishima could only hope Yamaguchi wasn’t able to feel his erratic heartbeat during the hug. 

”I’ll call you when I get there, Tsukki! I'll miss you!” He called out, waving to Tsukishima as he made his way to the car. Tsukishima took in how Yamaguchi-san was smiling at him through the front windshield, along with how the little boy in the back who resembled his brother began mimicking Tadashi’s movements, also waving goodbye. He smiled as he waved back and nodded in a silent confirmation to Tadashi that he would be waiting for his call.

He watched the car until it turned the corner out of the neighborhood, and only then did he let his hand drop back down to his side. Yet he couldn't shake everything about Yamaguchi. The way he had felt so content when his head had found itself comfortable on his shoulder. How soft his hair was and how thick it was between his fingers. The way he had gingerly pulled him into that hug while they sat on the deck. Tsukishima felt a growing discomfort as he popped the joints of his fingers as he walked. He felt awfully hot all of a sudden, his complexion seemed to be an awful shade of fire truck red, a stark contrast to the milky skin on the rest of his body. He started to sweat as he walked and he felt horrible swells in his chest when he thought about the giggle his friend let out while he tugged his hair. 

He walked home as the sunset shifted from a vibrant yellow to a soft combination of pink and purple, and he made a mental note to himself to schedule a doctor's appointment in order to figure out what was wrong with him. 

Who knows? Maybe he had developed a tragic allergy to his best friend. 

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As promised, he did receive a call from Yamaguchi once he arrived. 

And as expected, it wasn't a very long call. Mostly just a mix of Tadashi’s voice cutting out along with ’What?” and ”Sorry Tsukki I can't hear you. Hello?” until they eventually decided to head to bed. Yet, Tsukishima was yearning for more. He wanted to be able to have a normal conversation with Yamaguchi and listen to him ramble on about something that might seem insignificant in anyone else's mind but to Yamaguchi, it meant the world. He found himself sighing as he heaved himself into bed, glancing back at his phone every so often even though he had just hung up. He wanted nothing more than for his phone to ring and for him to pick up to be met with Yamaguchi announcing a miraculous change of events. ‘Hey! Guess what? My phone just somehow managed to get five bars!! That’s crazy, isn’t it, Tsukki?” 

While he spent his time imagining the possibility of getting to listen to Yamaguchi’s voice that was as sweet as honey through the phone until he was eventually lulled to sleep, the door opened. 

He startled as he sat upright, wide-eyed at the intruder who was disturbing his not so peaceful moment of peace. He was met with the sight of Akiteru standing in his doorway, a bag slung over his shoulder. At first, he was smiling but now he had his head cocked to the side with an eyebrow raised. ”Um...you alright Kei?” 

Tsukishima was currently beating up a pinata version of himself in his mind, his eyebrows furrowing with some sense of frustration. Once again, he hadn't been doing anything wrong, yet he felt as if Akiteru had just walked in on him trying to dismember the idiot duo’s corpses. He had never acted like that before. He had grown accustomed to Akiteru suddenly bursting into his room whenever he visited. Each time he had simply looked up from what he was doing, told Akiteru to stop doing that whenever he came over and that there was a nice ritual called knocking he might like to try, then resume what he was doing before. The fact that he had reacted in a way that suggested he was actually nervous due to Akiteru entering his room was so uncharacteristic of him that he felt his stomach begin to churn. The only similarity between the two situations in which he had reacted like this was…

Tadashi. 

Kei felt himself furrow his eyebrow more at the thought that the thought of his friend made him act the way he did. Maybe there was an issue with Yamaguchi that hadn't been resolved properly? He would talk to him about it when he got back for sure. He just needed to make sure nothing was wrong because recently all he felt around Yamaguchi was uneasy but surprisingly warm and- 

”Hello? Earth to Kei!”

Tsukishima snapped out of his horrible internal monologue and realized that throughout his little speel, he had been glaring directly at his brother. He shook his head slightly, regaining composure as he looked away from Akiteru. ”I told you not to do that when you came over, ” he grumbled. A loud laugh came from Akiteru as he leaned against the doorway. ”My bad, Kei. I won't next time. I'm just excited to see my little brother, that's all!” He smiled at Kei before using his arm to push himself off the doorway, making his way into Tsukishima’s room. ”So what were you up to?” He questioned as he took in the way his brother seemed antsier than usual. 

”Nothing.” Kei snapped, glaring at Akiteru. He really was not in the mood to talk about his newfound addiction to one: Yamaguchi Tadashi. He wasn't in the mood to talk in general. 

Akiteru was taken aback from this momentarily. Eyeing his brother up and down before a look of concern came over him. ”Are you feeling alright, Kei? You seem…” He trailed off, being very careful about how he should phrase his next words. Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m…I’m fine. I think I just have a fever or something,” He declared as he fiddled with the edge of his blanket. Akiteru looked at him, very obviously not convinced with that statement but in the end, he decided on not attempting to pry. ”If you say so.” He shrugged as he turned, already making his way out of Tsukishima’s room. Just then, Tsukishima remembered the promise he had made to Tadashi’s father. 

”Wait!”

”Huh?”

”Yamaguchi-San wanted me to tell you hello.”

”Is...is that all?”

”Yes.” 

Once again, Akiteru raised his eyebrow at Kei. Kei averted his eyes as he thought about the entire situation. He didn't know exactly how to label his situation. A bad case of thinking your best friend is really pretty but also the sound of his voice makes you feel like you're suddenly paraplegic? He couldn't think of anything, but he knew one thing. Out of all the people he knew, Akiteru would be the easiest to tell about this specific predicament. He swallowed hard, knowing he might regret this but for now, he had made up his mind. 

”I’ll tell you later.” 

Akiteru beamed at that. A bright smile overtook his face and he presented a thumbs up to his younger brother. ”Sounds good!” And with that, he left Kei’s room, slinking into the hallway and leaving his brother to contemplate how every decision he had ever made had eventually led to this moment. 

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A few days and a few defective phone calls later, Tsukishima had ultimately discovered the reason for his ”fever.” 

Not that he would ever admit it out loud though. 

It started when he had been regularly checking his temperature and realized that no, he was not carrying a contagious illness that only showed symptoms when he was around or thought about his best friend. A startling realization that made him stop dead in his tracks as he scribbled down his homework given to him over the break. 

Tsukishima liked Yamaguchi. 

Not just your standard friendship like either. If it had been that Tsukishima wouldn't be currently contemplating his existence and wondering if he could go back in time to stop his mom and dad from conceiving him. It was the type of like that made Tsukishima want Yamaguchi to pull him into more of those hugs, regardless of if they were in public or not. He realized that he wouldn't mind getting closer to him while they slept next to each other as opposed to their backs facing each other. He had never denied that he thought Yamaguchi was attractive, but how he was started to realize how pathetic he was when he caught the sight of Yamaguchi’s shorts riding up, or the splatter of freckles under his eyes, or the way his eyes that were sunken in slightly due to restless nights still managed to be so bright when he smiled. 

Tsukishima Kei was utterly fucked. 

He felt so idiotic that he hadn't come to this conclusion far sooner and with this conclusion, the mini Tadashi who was strangling Kei’s heart seemed to calm down slightly. 

Yet at the same time, the burning increased. The mini Tadashi squeezed at Tsukishima’s heart again making him feel his horrible sense of want. 

He wanted Tadashi here right now. 

He reached over to his phone and quickly opened the message thread between him and Yamaguchi, quickly typing his friend’s first name before hitting send. No context, no questions, just a very subtle plea. And in what felt like seconds, his phone buzzed and he felt himself move far too fast to open the message. 

Yamaguchi🦕:

Hey Kei! What's wrong? Is something the matter? 

Tsukishima groaned and he raked a hand over his own face. Even though he had typed practically nothing, Yamaguchi still was able to pick up on the small hint of: ’I need you. Somethings wrong.’ Tsukishima felt his heart rate quicken as he reread the opening line of: ”Hey Kei”

On second thought, maybe reaching out to Yamaguchi about this out of all people was not the best idea. 

So he denied that anything was wrong and let Yamaguchi talk about his trip so far before he decided that it was getting far too late and that he had an early morning tomorrow. 

That night, Tsukishima tossed and thrashed around in bed like a man whose mind was on fire. 

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“Man, what the hell is your issue?”

Tsukishima was, unfortunately, sitting in the Tanaka household. You could only imagine the surprise on his face when his brother had announced that he had taken a liking to Tanaka Saeko. And you could only imagine the surprise on his face when he announced to Kei that the two were now dating. And you could only imagine the horror on his face when Akiteru had said that since they were now dating they all needed to spend time together. So here he was, sitting on the floor of Tanaka Ryūnosuke’s room while he was being questioned on his horrible job in practice that day. 

Tsukishima would be lying to himself if he said it wasn’t horrendous. He had gotten distracted several times throughout practice, turning to talk to someone who wasn’t there and ended up taking a volleyball to the face a few times. His blocking hadn’t been up to par in the slightest and halfway through practice he seemed to just give in to the fact that he was not going to do well that day. He scowled at Tanaka. ”Nothings ’my issue, ’ it's just a bad day. It happens to everyone.” 

Tanaka didn't seem to be convinced. The corners of his mouth upturned into a devilish grin and his eyes had that mischievous glint that basically screamed: ’I'm going to poke fun at you and you are going to accept it!’ He pushed his face closer into Tsukishima’s bubble, which made him reel back in order to avoid spit flying from Tanaka’s mouth as he spoke. ”Yeah right! I know it has to do with your precious Tadashi-”

”Don't call him that.”

Tsukishima had no idea what entity possessed him to say that at that moment, honest to God. He was aware that getting onto Tanaka for calling Yamaguchi by his first name was not his place at all. But when the words had left Tanaka’s mouth he couldn't help but feel a bit of jealousy pang in the center of his chest. Tanaka stopped momentarily, his grin disappearing for a moment, before returning full force. He cradled his stomach as a hearty laugh emitted from the back of his throat, using the finger on his right hand to point at Tsukishima. 

”Look!! That's- That's exactly what I mean! Oh my God!” He sputtered in between his words, giggling like a madman. Tsukishima refused to let Tanaka have this though. He didn't take his eyes off his elder as he matched Tanaka's smirk with a challenging one of his own. He fiddled with his hands in his lap in an attempt to forget the pure embarrassment that had come from the interaction. 

”I don't see why you think you can talk. Even if it is about him, you're not any better. You practically trip over your own feet when Kiyoko blinks in your general direction.” He snickered at his own comment.

 Tanaka's facial expression shifted to one of admiration at the mention of Kiyoko’s name. ”And you don't? She's beautiful!” Tanaka questioned, his face contorting into a glare as he raised an eyebrow at Tsukishima, who only shrugged in response. Tanaka gawked him, before going to put Tsukishima in a headlock as he babbled on. When he had first done this, Tsukishima had been disgusted that Tanaka had even been within a foot of him, but now the action gave him a hint of satisfaction as it implied he had hit a nerve. He held his smirk as he lifted a hand up to hold his glasses against his face so Tanaka doesn't end up knocking them off. 

”Are you! Are you implying Shimizu is ugly? I swear to GOD if you are I’ll rearrange your-” Tanaka continued to ramble. Tsukishima laughed at the accusation. He imagined Noya having senses that also detected when Shimizu’s name was mentioned and wondered if he was sprinting to the Tanaka household at this very moment. 

”I never denied that she was pretty! I'm just saying I don't act like a fool when I see her!” He grinned up at Tanaka. The grip around his neck loosened as Tanaka went back to sit on the bed once more, eyes still shooting daggers at Tsukishima.

”She’s not just pretty, she's ethereal, like a goddess, y’ know?” 

Tsukishima sighed as he had just earned himself another spill session of Tanaka gushing about their head manager. He nodded in an attempt to have the older boy shut up. 

”I think she really likes me, swear to God!”

Tsukishima snorted. ”Whatever helps you sleep at night.” 

He was met with a pillow to the face. 

”Shut the fuck up, man! Anyways, we weren't even supposed to be talking about me. We’re supposed to be talking about you and you missing Ta- Yamaguchi!” Tanaka corrected himself as he remembered that the last time he did that had just led to him being the one getting made fun of. Tsukishima flushed slightly as he tossed the pillow to the side. 

”I don't see why you care so much.”

”Because it's actually affecting your playing! The team man! Think about the team!” Tanaka emphasized, holding his hands out in a dramatic fashion. Tsukishima rolled his eyes in response. ”Whatever. Maybe I miss him.”

”Maybe!?”

”I do.” 

”There we go! That wasn't so hard, was it? But still doesn't explain why you're acting like he died or something. Turning your head over your shoulder and shit looking for him.” Tanaka snickered some as he pulled out his phone, most likely to tell Nishinoya about the fantastic interaction he was having. 

Tsukishima contemplated for a moment. He could tell Tanaka. He really could. He could use their non-official brotherhood and the threat of having Akiteru complain to Saeko as a means of making sure Tanaka won't tell anyone. But as he looked at how he was laughing into his hand while typing up a reply to Noya, he decided against it. He definitely wasn't going to let Ryū know out of all the people in the world. Hell, he’d rather sit the king down and force him to listen to some sentimental rambling about Yamaguchi before he told Tanaka. 

” It's just hard to get used to him not being there. It's nothing.” 

Tanaka looked at him and scowled. ”I don't believe you, ” he stated. In a way, he reminded Tsukishima of a far more upfront Akiteru and shuddered at the thought of the both of them questioning him about this. ”That's not my issue.” He shrugged. Tanaka’s scowl deepened and opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted. 

”Boys! Dinners ready! Come on!” Saeko’s voice echoed through the small house. Tsukishima heard the click of heels coming down the hallway along with another pair of muted footsteps. Saeko finally appeared in the doorway, grinning widely at the two who resided in the room. Akiteru was at her side, a hand resting on her bicep and smiling wide. In a way, Tsukishima could see how their personalities complimented each other. 

”Come on! It's hot pot! We don't have all night, Ryū.” She exclaimed, sticking her tongue out at her brother. Tanaka went to stand up, promptly flicking her off. ”I wasn't even the one holding us up.” He said, glancing back at Tsukishima with a smirk. ”Tsukki here won't tell me about-”

”Okkaaayy!” Akiteru laughed nervously as he stepped into the room, leaving Saeko’s side for a moment. He scratched the back of his neck as he looked at Tanaka with a pleading look. ”I'm sure it's nothing serious. Kei’s not one for telling people things anyway.” He spared a glance towards his younger brother, who was just now starting to stand up. Tanaka opened his mouth to retaliate, but once he saw the glare Saeko was sending his way his mouth clamped shut. 

And with that, the Tanaka siblings walked ahead of the Tsukishima duo, lightly shoving each other as they walked. Akiteru let out a sigh as he turned to Kei. ”Sorry about that Kei…” He chuckled softly, not making eye contact. There was a bit of an awkward air surrounding the interaction, but Kei was grateful none the less. 

”Akiteru.”

”Yeah?”

”Thank you.”

Akiteru was looking at him now. His eyes blown wide and his mouth slightly parted in shock. A small smile overtook his lips as he nodded. ”Not a problem, Kei.” and with a simple gesture for Kei to move forward and follow him out of the room, they were now making their way into the kitchen. 

”Kei.”

”What?”

Tsukishima watched as his older brother turned to face him, a beaming smile on his face while holding up a peace sign. It was awfully reminiscent of when Akiteru used to play in middle school and Kei would watch from the stands. Tsukishima didn't smile or move his hand from where it rested at his side, but he did hold up his index and middle finger while curling the remaining fingers into his palm, returning the gesture. Akiteru’s smile got impossibly wider and he let his hand drop. 

The two walked into the kitchen to see the brother and sister already eating, asking what could've taken them so long, and Kei couldn't help but smile a little at that. 

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”So do you like...like Tadashi?” 

Kei was already regretting his decision to tell Akiteru. 

There he was, awkwardly standing in the middle of the brother's room when all of a sudden he blurted out the statement in a monotone manner. Akiteru had dropped his phone and looked up at Kei with wide eyes and stopped him before he could exit the room as if nothing had happened. Now he was seated on his brother's bed while Akiteru continued to stare at him as if he were an anomaly. Kei rolled his eyes as he nodded at Akiteru in confirmation. 

”Oh my God.”

For a moment, Kei felt his heart sink into the bottom of his chest. The idea of Akiteru thinking it was odd or disgusting had never crossed his mind. His girlfriend was bisexual for god's sake! Still, there was a lingering voice in Kei’s mind telling him to abandon all hope he had of getting acceptance from Akiteru and compelling him to walk into his room and never re-emerge. He set his eyes in a heavy glare before he started to stand up. A hand on his arm stopped him. 

”Kei! That's great!” 

What?

Akiteru dragged Kei back down with a large grin. ”Where are you going? I never thought the day would come where you would actually like someone! You have to tell me about this. Especially if it's Tadashi! I used to talk to you about Saeko all the time, now it's your turn.” He rambled on, using rapid hand motions as he talked. Kei’s eyes widened as he saw how ecstatic his brother looked. He was definitely regretting his choices now. He just wanted Akiteru to be aware of his feelings, not force Kei down to spill his guts over a boy he’s known since he was a kid. His face screwed up in irritation. 

”That sounds annoying. You were annoying. I don't wanna talk about it.” He said, drumming his fingers along his knee as his face reddened at the thought of actually having to go into detail about why he liked Yamaguchi. Akiteru laughed at him.

”Come on! It won't be that bad. I love Tadashi- I um, not like that of course-”

”I know.”

”Yeah, ” Akiteru chuckled a bit, ”but c’mon Kei! If you tell me I might be able to give you some advice!”

Tsukishima’s nose scrunched up at his brother's offer of ”advice, ” considering the fact that he had stumbled his way around Saeko before she had made the first move, yet, it still seemed tempting. On the other hand, the thought of even breathing a word to Tadashi about his early discovered emotions was far too scary of a thought to him. Even if he had a bit of trouble showing it, he truly did enjoy the other boy’s company, and the thought of them leaving each other because of something as stupid as a crush made him squirm. He looked back at Akiteru to see him with pleading eyes and his hands clasped together, begging him to vomit his emotions all over the carpet. He tsk’d as he looked his older brother up and down. 

”Fine. But just this once. After this, I don't want you mentioning it at all.”

Akiteru nodded his head eagerly, a smile still on his face. With a huff, Kei focused on a small Rubix cube that sat on a desk across the room and began to pull on a hangnail that was stinging his middle finger. He heard Akiteru sigh. ”It can't be that hard. Let's start easy, what do you like about him?” 

Tsukishima had been thinking about that a lot lately. He had mentally compiled a list of everything about Tadashi that made his heart stutter, face flush, and a small smile quirk up from the corner of his lips. 

”A lot.”

Akiteru smacked his wrist half-heartedly, chuckling a bit. ”Details, please.” 

Tsukishima took a deep breath. He tried to think back about the details of his friend that wouldn't make him feel as if he were the most cliche man alive if he were to tell his brother about them. He frowned. 

”Hair, ” he deadpanned. 

”You sound pissed.”

”I'm not.”

”Is that all you're gonna tell me?”

Tsukishima flashed the middle finger to his brother before continuing. ”It’s soft.” 

Akiteru nods knowingly. ”You always did have the habit of playing with it when you were little. Do you still do that?” 

Tsukishima thought back to the day of Yamaguchi’s departure, where he had carded his fingers through his dark hair while eyes that reminded him so much of ink seeping into a page stared up at him. 

He cleared his throat and nodded. 

He didn't mean to have so much trouble expressing the way his best friend made him feel. It couldn't be compared to anything else had felt before. It was overwhelming and terrifying, and he couldn't properly comprehend the fact that he wanted to stare at the spear of Karasuno for hours and hours. 

But he did feel some sort of peace when he talked to his brother about how Yamaguchi hugging his pillow while he slept seemed far more endearing than it did before and how he adored the soft giggles that resonated from his friend. 

Even if he didn't want to risk telling Yamaguchi, he could be fine like this. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tadashi’s absence was starting to weigh on him far more. 

Recently, he had been walking home with the idiot duo since Hinata had made too far huge of a deal of him having to walk alone since Yamaguchi was gone(which he was right about, but damn, did he have to screech about it in front of the entire team and the coaches?) Typically, he’d follow behind the two and watch as they shoved each other, Hinata laughing as Kageyama sputtered out terribly uncreative insults at him. Still, he noted how the fighting was less aggressive and far more playful in nature, with Hinata poking his hand into the setter’s side in an attempt to get a reaction or Kageyama ruffling the ginger’s hair as his hand lingered on his head for a little too long. 

Watching them made Tsukishima feel sick. 

Occasionally, he would make a jab at the two, only to realize that it was far less fun when they both glared at him afterward and there was no Yamaguchi to giggle at the remark and tell him: ‘Good one, Tsukki!’

Instead, he focused his gaze on the ground and glared at how loosely his shoelaces seemed to be tied. A soft song playing in his ears, the guitar instrumental traveling from his right ear to his left. He felt slightly more at ease now, the gentle tune calming his thoughts that consisted of Yamaguchi Tadashi only. Tsukishima smiled softly to himself as he tapped his fingers against the palm of his band along to the beat. 

He was rudely interrupted by a short ginger-haired boy appearing in his field of vision, waving his hands around in an attempt to get his attention. His scowl returned and he hesitantly slipped his headphones off. ”What do you want?” 

Hinata crossed his arms as he moved to walk at Tsukishima’s side, a slight pout on his face. ”What’s wrong with you? I mean, you're always grouchy but now you just look sad, Y’know?” 

Tsukishima was taken aback by this. He knew he wasn't doing the best since Yamaguchi’s departure, but to hear that he was noticeably sad was irritating him. He looked up to see Kageyama nodding at him, agreeing with Hinata’s statement. He steadily looked at the road ahead of them, still frowning. ”What makes you say that?” 

”Usually you're always making fun of us and stuff! Which I don't like, but it's weird that you're not taking every second to do that now.” Hinata gestured with his hands as he talked before he went to poke Tsukishima’s arm, where he ended up getting his hand smacked for the contact. ”I don't owe you an explanation. If you want me to make fun of you then I can do that for hours. I can start with the fact that you have no concept of personal space.” 

Hinata pouted and in turn, Kageyama placed his hand on his shoulder, which made Tsukishima want to gag. Hinata rolled his eyes as he saw Tsukishima’s face twist into an expression of disgust. ”Yamaguchi touches you all the time.” He mumbled. Something seemed to click in his head after this though, his eyes going bright as he pointed at Tsukishima. 

”Yamaguchi!” He declared, staring at Tsukishima. Kageyama smacked the back of Hinata’s head lightly and rolled his eyes. ”What do you mean, dumbass!?” Hinata took a moment to send a punch at Kageyama’s shoulder, which didn't seem all that painful before going back to pointing at Tsukishima.

 ”Don't you get it! He’s sad cause’ he misses Yamaguchi!” 

Tsukishima clenched his jaw. While Hinata wasn't wrong, he hated the fact being pointed out by the person he tolerated the least. Kageyama looked up at Tsukishima, cocking his head to the side slightly before he smirked, eyes dark and mischievous for a brief moment. “I think you’re right, Hinata.” He stated. 

“You have no proof of that,” Tsukishima snapped, “I’m doing just fine.” 

“Well you’re sad, and Yamaguchi is gone, so if you don’t explain why you’re sad I’m going to assume that they go together,” Hinata explained, sticking his tongue out at Tsukishima as he finished. Kageyama let out a snort. 

“You can’t go a week without him,” Kageyama said. 

“As if. I’m doing fine. Plus, King,” Tsukishima glanced at Kageyama, making sure to put emphasis on the nickname, “Anyone would look upset if they had to watch you flirt with the shrimp the entire walk home.”

Both Kageyama and Hinata froze as Tsukishima walked ahead, a smirk on his face knowing that he had successfully changed the subject. Hinata was stammering as he ran forward, attempting to catch up with him. ”As if! I hate him! He's just an asshole.” 

”I wouldn't ever put my hands on that dumbass!” Kageyama shouts. Tsukishima snorted. ”You do every day. I'm a witness.” 

Kageyama opened his mouth to retaliate but was cut off by Hinata interrupting him. ”Whatever! That's not what we’re talking about.” 

Tsukishima’s frown returned once he realized the previous topic of conversation was making a return. He shoved his hands into his pockets and glared at Hinata. Hinata scoffed. 

”I don't see why you're so upset I'm saying you're sad cause he’s gone! I mean, he's your friend, right? So of course you'd be sad if he's gone. I miss him too! He makes you bearable!”

Tsukishima’s glare softened some at that. The thought that the way Yamaguchi softened him up was noticeable as well made his heart run laps. 

”Why are you red?” 

Tsukishima cleared his throat and averted his gaze from the short middle blocker. He heard a bubbly fit of laughter come from Hinata, echoing around them as they walked in the empty street. 

”Stingyshima likes Yama.” He laughed as he patted Kageyama’s shoulder to get his attention. 

Tsukishima’s face darkened a few shades as he mentally retracted his statement from before. His heart wasn't running laps, it was performing an entire gymnastics routine. 

”Why do you care.” He mumbled. For some reason, he was finding it far harder to poke fun at the freak duo when one had very clearly pointed out his crush on his best friend. 

”You're not denying it!”

”I don't need to give the time of day to anything that isn't true.” 

”It's nighttime!”

Tsukishima went to quickly place his headphones back over his ears as he turned the corner, separating himself from the two. He could still make out the faint laughter and chatter of the ginger from behind him. He was able to make out one last thing before he walked far enough to drown out Hinata’s high pitched voice. 

”Don't worry, Stingyshima! Your secrets safe with us” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

He truly felt like a moron. 

Here he was, at 3 in the morning, squinting so he could properly see his screen. He was absolutely blind without his glasses, so he reached his hand back to squat at his nightstand in an attempt to find them. Once he felt his hand make contact with the object, he lifted them to his face and looked back to see the photo on his phone clearly. 

His breath hitched. 

Yamaguchi🦕:

Oh! Tsukki! I'm sorry it's late but I almost forgot to show you! I hope the message works but here!

Along with the message was an attached image of Yamaguchi, a smile on his face as he threw up a peace sign. His skin seemed warmer than usual, no doubt the result of him spending quite a bit of time outside the past week. His hair was pulled up and messy, his bangs loose over his forehead, narrowly missing his eyes. There was one thing that made Tsukishima’s heart flare up the most though.

Tadashi’s hair being up allowed his ears to be exposed, and on the lobes of each of his ears was a small shiny piece of metal. 

His ears were pierced. 

Oh my God, his ears were pierced. 

Tsukishima swallowed hard, ashamed at how something so simple was affecting him. He felt so pathetic at the moment, staring at a picture of his best friend who just so happened to have gotten his ears pierced. The way his stomach churned did not make him feel any better either. The butterflies that fluttered around in his body were irritating him. Maybe if he ate something in particular it would poison them, they would shrivel up and die, and Tsukishima wouldn't ever feel like he was buzzing with nervousness and admiration all at once ever again. 

A part of him still liked it though. 

It was all very new, but the new rush of emotion that came with seeing a picture of Tadashi, while overwhelming, was quite a nice shift from his usual composure. 

Tsukishima let out a breath he hadn't been aware he had held in and went to save the picture to his photos. He still stared at the message thread, a pang in his chest for him to at least attempt something else. He furrowed his eyebrows as he focused on his next moves. 

To Yamaguchi🦕:

You look really good. 

It was the bare minimum. It was hardly anything at all. Yet Tsukishima still had the unadulterated urge to shut his phone off forever, fearful of Yamaguchi’s response. 

After a brief moment of Tsukishima contemplating how he'd like to be laid to rest after Yamaguchi saw his message with no response, he was snapped out of his self wallowing party by the buzz of his phone. 

Yamaguchi🦕:

Thank you Tsukki! I did it on a whim, but I think it's cool.

Tsukishima smiled to himself at the response, already thinking about how to respond when he felt his phone buzz twice. 

Yamaguchi🦕:

I really miss you Tsukki

Yamaguchi🦕:

Send me a picture, please 

Tsukishima was officially planning his miraculous disappearance from Miyagi. 

His face burned as he stared at the message, pulse-quickening. In the darkness of his own room, Tsukishima smiled to himself with all teeth as he read the message over and over. His heart pounded against his ribcage, threatening to burst. 

His emotions were not calming down, they just kept intensifying. 

Tsukishima spent the rest of the night sending and receiving pictures back and forth with Yamaguchi. He fell asleep in the early hours of the morning, content with the new collection of Yamaguchi pictures he had in a folder in his gallery. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kuroo 🐓:

TSUKISHIMA 

Kuroo🐓:

GET ON HERE NOW 

Bokuto🦉:

WHAT DID HE DO??

Bokuto🦉: 

BRO?

Akaashi🦉:

Calm down Bokuto-san

Tsukishima groaned as he looked at the messages that greeted him in the group chat. Usually, it remained empty, besides the occasional discussion they'd have before a possible practice game, but other than that, he didn't really go out of his way to be buddy-buddy with the captains of his opposing schools. 

Which is why he was confused when the Nekoma captain was screaming for him to get into the chat. 

To Gym 3 GC:

What do you want Kuroo 

Tsukishima was waiting for a response when all of the sudden the notification for a group face time being started took up his screen. He glared at the screen, contemplating denying the call, but decided against it since he figured that even if he didn't join the call, he would be met with an onslaught of spam messages instead. With a groan, he clicked accept. 

He was greeted to the call with Kuroo’s hyena Esque laugh and Bokuto trying to figure out how to flip the camera. Akaashi was smiling softly at the sight and Tsukishima took a moment to appreciate the only other sane person in the call. Once they noticed him joining, Kuroo flashed his greasy smile towards the camera, not that it was intentional, the poor guy always looked up to no good even if he was genuinely happy. Bokuto managed to get the camera to face him and smiled wide. 

”Tsukki!” Bokuto greeted, waving at the camera to a scowling Tsukishima. 

”Don't call me that.” 

Kuroo chuckled at Bokuto’s expression of defeat. ”Come on, Tsukki, we're all friends, no?” 

Tsukishima reached out to hit the end call button. 

”Wait wait wait! I was just messing with you! Anyways I actually have to tell you something so don't leave.” 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes. He supposed that if it was so important that he was forced into this call with the older trio, he might as well stay. 

”Fine. Hurry up.” He snapped, making sure it was clear that Kuroo better get to the point. 

He watched as Bokuto got closer to the screen, only showing wide eyes as he listened intently to what Kuroo had to say. Even Akaashi looked somewhat intrigued as he raised an eyebrow at the boy smirking behind the screen. 

”Well, Kenma told me a little birdy told me you have a crush on freckles.” 

A gasp came from Bokuto and Tsukishima froze. 

As he felt his ears hear up, he turned the camera so the screen was black against his bed, he decided that he would end up in prison for the triple homicide of Hinata, Kenma, and finally, Kuroo. 

”Why are you bringing this up?” He muttered.

Another gasp came from Bokuto. Kuroo laughed as he got closer to the screen, blowing a bit of hair out of his face as he began. ”You're not denying it!”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes. He was getting quite tired of having to defend himself with this, there was no use trying to deny it around these three. If he denied it, Kuroo would say he's lying. If he still denied it, Bokuto would complain about it like a child. And if he still denied it, Akaashi would read him like a book in an attempt to make Bokuto content. 

There was no winning for Tsukishima Kei. 

Kuroo stared at the camera expectantly, obviously waiting for some kind of retort from Tsukishima. When nothing came from the waiting, he raised an eyebrow and covered his hand with his mouth. 

”He…” Bokuto started, whispering into the mic. 

Tsukishima groaned. ”Don't make a big deal about this.” 

Chaos erupted. 

Bokuto squawked incoherently, but Tsukishima could make out an ’Akaashi!’ in the middle of his babbling. Kuroo was alternating between babbling with Bokuto and stuttering ’I- you? Wow!” Tsukishima could even see the beginnings of a grin on Akaashi’s face as he watched the other two flounder around on the screen. Tsukishima clenched fist together as he glared at his phone screen. 

”If you keep screaming like idiots about it I'm just going to leave.” 

Kuroo laughed and waved his hands in the air signaling for Tsukishima to stop. ”No! Don't go! Bo, be quiet!” 

”Sorry, Tetsu.” Bokuto laughed as he smiled at the screen, trying to calm his giggling. Akaashi chuckled a little at the sight. 

Tsukishima couldn't help but think that these three were far too happy to hear that he had some other emotion besides irritation or discontent. 

”So, ” Kuroo started, leaning his head on his hand and Tsukishima thought he looked an awful lot like a schoolgirl, ”when are you gonna tell him?”

Tsukishima tapped his fingers on his knee as he thought about it. 

”Never.” 

”What?!” Bokuto exclaimed. 

Kuroo raised an eyebrow and smirked. ”Never? Really? Come on, there's no way you're gonna survive.”

Tsukishima flipped his camera back around to face himself and stuck his middle finger out at Kuroo. He was quite irritated when the only response was Kuroo cackling. ”Tsukishima, sorry to say it, but it’s very obvious he feels the same.” 

Tsukishima’s brow furrowed as he ignored the heat traveling up his neck. ”You don't know him.”

”Exactly! Don't you think that if I can tell, then you're set?” Kuroo explained, shrugging his shoulders. 

Tsukishima tsk’d at the statement. ”No he doesn't, he's just like that.” 

Kuroo cackled over the line and Bokuto joined in with a fit of giggles. Akaashi let out a breath that could be read as a laugh. Kuroo’s laugh eventually faded into just labored breaths as he pointed at the screen. ”Tsukishima I swear, ” He emphasized his point, repeatedly tapping the screen at what Kei could only assume was him, ”If you don't tell him, I will.”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes for what felt like the thousandth time since he had joined this call. ”And I'll tell Kenma about that embarrassing crush you've had on him since elementary.” 

”Hey!” Kuroo’s face turned a shade darker, but his smile didn't leave his face. ”I’m actually planning to tell him! That's the difference between you and me.” Bokuto nods along with Kuroo’s statement, closing his eyes as if he’s incredibly insightful. Akaashi nods a little as well, but he raises his hand as if he were asking for permission to speak. 

”Tsukishima-Kun, may I ask why you don't think he likes you back?” 

Tsukishima thought about it for a moment. Thought about how Yamaguchi always tried to come to his rescue when the idiot duo was bothering him. How he always would let Kei sleep in his bed when he came over, and he would take the floor if Tsukishima had somehow sprawled out in his sleep. How he always reminded him to eat an actual meal at the end of the day even if everything hurt and he still needed to study for that test. How Yamaguchi always looked so bright whenever he complimented him, even if it was a lame attempt at doing so. His memory shifts to when they were younger and Yamaguchi let Tsukishima sulk around after he found out about Akiteru not actually playing. How Yamaguchi told him he wouldn’t force him to stay, but he would really appreciate it if he didn’t quit volleyball. How Yamaguchi had tightly gripped the front of his shirt during the training camp, yelling at Kei about pride and how he needed to actually try. How when he was in the bathroom after the Shiratorizawa game throwing a pity party by himself, and Yamaguchi had burst in and yelled at him about how he could mope around all he wanted later, but first he needed to focus on how they had won. 

Tsukishima smiles fondly to himself, seemingly forgetting that he was on a call with the trio. 

“Oh my god!” Bokuto’s voice distracts his thoughts and he looks down to see the spiky-haired third year covering his mouth with his hand, his smile still very evident. 

“Guys,” Kuroo smirks at the camera, nodding his head slowly, “he’s got it bad.”

Tsukishima’s frown returns and he glares at the two. Akaashi stifles a laugh but then smiles softly. “You can’t think of a reason, can you Tsukishima-Kun?” 

His glare softened a little as he shrugged. 

”Well, then?” Akaashi said softly, smiling encouragingly. Kuroo clapped slowly in the background. 

”Well that's that, don't worry man, when you finally make your move I can't definitely help you learn how to flirt with him.” 

Tsukishima scoffed as he smirked at Kuroo. ”You look like you kick your feet behind you while you're on the phone with Kenma. And your idea of flirting is periodic table jokes no one understands.” 

Bokuto cackled as Kuroo sat there slack-jawed. ”I- is that supposed to be an insult?” Kuroo questioned, still trying to process what he just heard. 

Tsukishima grinned. ”Yes, gay ass.” 

Akaashi raised an eyebrow. ”But aren't you also-”

”I know Akaashi.” 

Bokuto lit up. ”Guys guys!! I know! Let's help Tsukishima come up with a way to confess!” 

Tsukishima snorted. ”You three have no experience with romance.” 

”Are you any better?” Kuroo asked. ”Plus, I'm going to have plenty of experience soon.”

Bokuto whooped as Tsukishima faked a gag. 

He hated to admit it. But maybe he stayed on that call for a few more hours, listening to the Nekoma captain mope about his horrible crush on his setter and Bokuto cheering him on. Maybe he stayed a little longer to listen to Akaashi provide some solid reassurement and laugh at Kuroo’s hopelessness. 

He hated to admit it, but he's glad he had some other friends. Even if they were insufferable. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yamaguchi🦕:

I'm coming home today! It’s gonna be late at night but ill see you tomorrow!!

Tsukishima was stuck smiling like an idiot at his phone screen again. 

He wanted nothing more than to see his best friend, but at the same time, he was insanely worried. 

Over the past two weeks, he had developed a Tadashi shaped hole in his heart, and the idea of filling it terrified him. He definitely was not planning to confess, but even the idea of being in Yamaguchi’s proximity was overwhelming. Would he be able to remain subtle and collected when he had made a fool of himself around the two who can't even read an English assignment without getting headaches? Even the goddamn Nekoma volleyball team knows, or at least the two that Tsukishima was most worried about knew. Attempting to clear his head he shot back a message to Tadashi and decided to preoccupy himself with something else. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

He was in fact, not able to clear his head. 

Here he was, tossing and turning in his bed like a madman, unable to sleep due to an unprecedented amount of adrenaline. He felt like a child who was unable to sleep the night before a field trip, giddy with excitement. The thought of getting to even breathe near Yamaguchi the next day was making him be incredibly lame. 

His phone buzzed. 

He scrambled to grab it, practically shoving his glasses onto his face as he squinted due to the irritation of the blue light. After a few seconds of his eyes adjusting, he zeroed in on the message. 

Yamaguchi🦕:

Hey Tsukki. I know it's late but I just wanted to let you know I'm home. I hope you're sleeping well :). See you tomorrow. 

Tsukishima felt his heart rate speed up knowing that Yamaguchi was now officially about a five-minute walk away from him. His brain, on the other hand, was scolding him for the impulsive thought since Yamaguchi would probably just want to rest. 

Yeah, he really shouldn't do what he's thinking. He was being dramatic and overbearing and he should drop the thought right now. 

He laid in bed for about an hour before he was shoving on a hoodie and making his way out his front door. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tsukishima Kei felt like an absolute creep. 

Here he was, phone clutched in one hand as he slowly and quietly stalked his way around the side of the Yamaguchi household, careful to not make too much noise. A pool of anxiousness settled in his stomach and he stared at the lawn beneath him, glaring a hole into the ground. He had never been nervous to see his friend before, but he wasn't surprised that he was. After all, he had made a sort of a revelation while Yamaguchi was out getting his ears pierced and making dinner with his grandfather. Tsukishima noticed the light emitting from Yamaguchi’s room, a good sign for him. He slowly made his way to the window and peered in slightly, only to see his friend tapping away at his phone. He took a deep breath and tapped the window lightly. 

Yamaguchi snapped his head to the side to see what was causing the sound. He jumped in his seat when he noticed the person standing outside his window, but his expression softened once he realized it was just Tsukki. He shot up and walked over to the window, prying it open as Tsukishima stood there feeling intense pain in his ribcage. 

”Tsukki? What are you doing here? What's wrong?” Yamaguchi questioned him, already going to reach his hand out to help Tsukishima crawl inside, a look of concern plastered on his face. 

”Nothings wrong.” Tsukishima said, his eyes fixed on the metal studs on Tadashi’s ears and how much better they looked in person. 

”Tsukki...you're shaking” 

Well, Kei had certainly not realized that. 

Startled by Yamaguchi’s observation, he looked down to see that tremors were indeed shooting down his hands. The chill along his back became far more prominent than it had before. Tsukishima looked at Yamaguchi, a sudden feeling of embarrassment flowing through him. He felt like a bother. Typically he wouldn't care, but it felt so much different today. Here he was in his best friend’s room at 3 A.M. with no explanation, just shaking because, oh my God he was so overwhelmed to see Yamaguchi again. The butterflies in his stomach made him feel like he was a giddy schoolgirl from a corny movie and he felt so so nauseous. He shifted his gaze from Tadashi’s ears to his eyes, which were laced with concern. He averted his gaze and popped his index finger, feeling far too many emotions at once. There was a sigh, and he looked over to see Yamaguchi smiling softly at him. 

”Lay down.” Was the only thing to leave his mouth. Tsukishima wasn't in the mood to try and defend himself, not trusting his voice to not give him away, and shuffled across the room and onto his friend’s bed. He laid his head on a pillow and crossed his arms against his chest, taking in a deep shaky breath. 

It felt like so much longer than only two weeks. 

Yamaguchi sat down next to him, pulling the covers over himself and leaving space for Tsukishima if he decided to get under as well. With a quick motion over his head, Yamaguchi had stripped himself of his shirt and was now settling in the covers, going to turn towards him. 

There was nothing unusual about Yamaguchi being shirtless around him. There was nothing to be embarrassed about. Hell, they had been friends since they were kids. It shouldn't be affecting him in the slightest. His body betrayed him as he felt his cheeks flare up red, his heart battering against his chest as his gaze fell upon the freckles splashed against Yamaguchi’s shoulders. Different shades and sizes of the dots were worked around his collarbones and Tsukishima felt a horrible urge to press his lips against them. 

Yamaguchi Tadashi was reminding him more and more of a piece of art. He was a watercolor painting in which the artist had dipped his brush into a mix of warm brown colors and used his thumb to flick the paint onto his artwork haphazardly. Not a care in the world as to where the dots end up because, in the end, it was still his beautiful work. A detail so simple that many people may overlook it or consider it unnecessary, but many people would also appreciate it as well, basking in how beautiful it was. 

His eyes traveled down to Yamaguchi’s bicep, and he zeroed in on the messy and lopsided dots of ink on his arm. He smiled fondly to himself, remembering how in middle school the two had been so adamant on the idea of tattoos and had ultimately decided to do matching stick n’ pokes on each other. Tsukishima had pressed far too hard into Yamaguchi’s skin with the needle, accidentally didn’t fill in his design all the way, and all-around left what looked like a child’s work on his friend’s arm. Even then, Yamaguchi had thanked him and told him that he loved it more than anything. While Yamaguchi’s arm bore a star, Tsukishima’s own right arm held an equally messy crescent moon. He hummed slightly as he reached his hand out and brushed his hand against the tattoo. 

Yamaguchi froze. 

Tsukishima’s eyes widened ever so slightly. Touches were never a big deal for them, but this felt far too intimate. He forced himself to narrow his eyes and take a deep breath, only leaving his fingertips lingering on the tattoo. He could hear his friend’s breath hitch and his shoulders stiffen. He frowned slightly and pulled his hand away at that. “Tell me about your trip, Tadashi.” He mumbled, hardly louder than a whisper. 

Yamaguchi laughed nervously, going to rub the back of his neck. Tsukishima recognized it as a nervous habit and softened his gaze. “I don’t bite, Yamaguchi.” 

Yamaguchi chuckled softly at the remark and shifted his body to face Tsukishima, a smile resting on his face. It looked so natural to have Yamaguchi here, laying right next to him and within an arm's reach. ”Ok, Tsukki,” he replied, just as quiet. 

And so there they were. Eyes fixed on each other as Yamaguchi talked about how his ear-piercing didn't hurt that bad, or how Hitomu had cried while watching because he was scared for his brother. The tiniest smile had made its way onto Tsukishima’s face as he watched Yamaguchi giggle every time he recalled a particularly memorable moment. His eyes almost drooping shut on more than one occasion. Why had he just now realized how calming and soft Yamaguchi’s voice was? There was a mix of pain and lightness and his chest, but it wasn't unpleasant. It was the kind he craved. He would beg Yamaguchi to drop-kick his heart if it meant he would feel like this all the time. His chest felt so right, but the smile on his face didn't leave. As Yamaguchi finished up another tale about how he had gotten called to protect his younger brother from a ”ghost,” Tsukishima breathed out a single sentence.

”I missed you so much.”

Yamaguchi went quiet and they simply both stared at each other. Tsukishima’s chest was still extremely tight, but it made him feel far more troubled now. Yamaguchi’s silence was slowly killing him. He watched as his eyes darted to the right, before focusing back on Tsukishima, eyes wide and his mouth closed tight. Why did this feel so weird? Why in the world did it feel so tense? Yamaguchi wasn't supposed to make him feel apprehensive. He was supposed to just go for everything and Yamaguchi would be happy. He opened his mouth in an attempt to tell him to ignore what he had just said and to just go back to telling stories, and that's when he saw it. 

Yamaguchi’s face flushed red and his bottom lip quivered slightly. Tsukishima bolted up, reaching his hands out to apologize. Tadashi getting teary-eyed over something wasn't uncommon, and usually, Tsukishima would do something subtle to make him feel better or tell him he was being overdramatic because a compliment didn't mean he had to cry. This time scared Tsukishima though. The idea that his small comment showing affection may have made Yamaguchi upset made his pulse quicken. ”Yama- shit I didn't mean to upset you.” He breathed out, shaking his head and holding his arms out in front of him as if Yamaguchi were a scared animal. His hands were stopped by smaller ones meeting his and a small laugh coming from Yamaguchi. The fingers that met his own were warm to the touch and slightly clammy but Tsukishima couldn't bring himself to care. He looked up to see Yamaguchi smiling at him, all teeth and his eyes somewhat watery. 

”I'm not upset, Tsukki.” He whispered, using his thumb to rub across the palm of Tsukishima’s hand, eyes not leaving his. ”I miss you a lot too...it’s just, ” Yamaguchi closed his eyes for a moment, his smile still present on his face, ”you don't usually tell me stuff like that.” He mumbled out. 

Tsukishima let out a shaky breath and strived to not stare at the other boy’s cupid’s bow. A small smile made its way onto his face at the sight. ”Well I do. Even if I don't tell you. I just wanted to make sure you knew.” He whispered back, letting his mind calm with the feeling of the pad of Yamaguchi’s thumb against his palm, carefully and softly working its way over the rough skin. Yamaguchi giggled softly and Tsukishima found himself basking in the noise. 

”I’m tired.” Yamaguchi mumbled, pulling his hands away from Tsukishima’s and at that moment Kei wished he had the courage to grab his hands and bring them closer once again. Instead, he just watched Yamaguchi’s thin fingers make their way up to the sides of his face, pulling off his glasses and setting them on the nightstand. His body temperature was probably so high he could have a fever, but he found it enjoyable, to say the least. Yamaguchi looked at him with kind, tired eyes, dark bags shadowing under his bottom eyelashes. ”Sleep.” He said, less of a request and more of an order. 

Not that Tsukishima minded.

He nodded and started to stand, making his way off of Tadashi’s bed because he figured the least he could do was to let his friend have his bed to himself but he was stopped by Tadashi gently grabbing his wrist. Tsukishima looked at his friend, who's eyes were already shut. ”Stay. There's enough room.” He mumbled, lightly tugging on Tsukishima’s rest in an attempt to get the other boy to lay down again. Tsukishima swore he was on cloud nine as he laid back down. Yamaguchi didn't go to let go of his wrist. The contact made Tsukishima itch. He wanted to reach out farther and take Tadashi in his arms and hold him close, his brows furrowed as he thought about it, face flaring up red. 

”You're tense, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi chuckled. The room seemed so small with just the two of them in the bed, late at night as it had been many nights before, but there was something in the air that was different than before. ”Sorry.” Tsukishima grumbled and took one last look at his peaceful Tadashi before deciding to cut his losses. 

He reached his arm out and placed his hand on Yamaguchi’s shoulder. A quiet whine left the back of Yamaguchi’s throat at the contact and Tsukishima swore he should've dropped dead. ”Your hands are cold.” Yamaguchi whined, but he didn't go to move away. Tsukishima felt all the blood in his body pool directly to his face and his chest constricted itself. 

”My jacket’s warm. Come closer, Tadashi.” He whispered back, and he hated the way he sounded so shaken when he spoke, voice betraying him with slight shakiness present in his tone. 

Yamaguchi stiffened for a moment but soon he smiled wider and went to snake his arms around Kei’s waist, pulling himself close. Hugs weren't unusual for the two, but never more than a few seconds and never while laying down in the same bed. Typically when the two shared a bed, they were back to back, facing away from each other. This was a very overwhelming change in pace, but Tsukishima couldn't help but relish the feeling. 

His own arms moved forward to wrap around Yamaguchi’s torso, palms resting on the other’s back. He hooked his chin against the top of Yamaguchi’s head and felt the hair tickle his face. A sigh of what he could only assume was content left Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima felt a foot poke against his ankles. He looked down to see Yamaguchi trying to fit his leg into the space between Tsukishima’s. He heard a faint ”sorry, Tsukki, ” and the feeling of Yamaguchi’s breath hot on his neck gave him an intense feeling of what he imagined was euphoria. He felt Yamaguchi try to redraw his leg, but Tsukishima quickly countered by throwing his leg over Yamaguchi’s. Yamaguchi giggled at the action and nestled closer. His nose was poking Tsukishima’s neck now and he wouldn't trade it for the goddamn world. 

He rested against the pillow, listening to Tadashi’s gentle breathing, steady and light. Tsukishima dragged one of his hands up the curve of Yamaguchi’s spine, feeling each bone as he worked his hand up. He repeated the action a few times, noticing how Yamaguchi was practically melting into the touch. The next time he went to repeat the motion, he switched from his solid touch to brush his fingertips along Yamaguchi’s back. He reached the top of Yamaguchi’s back, right against his nape and he felt the other boy shiver against him. Another small whine left Yamaguchi, this time right against his neck, and for a moment Tsukishima felt incredibly embarrassed in such a right way. 

”Tsukki.” Yamaguchi muttered and it came in almost a warning tone. Tsukishima’s stomach flipped. ”My bad.” He breathed out, settling his palms flat against Yamaguchi’s back again. Yamaguchi seemed to calm down again, relaxing back against the bed, fiddling with his fingers intertwined around Tsukishima’s waist. 

Tsukishima shut his eyes tightly, a warmth settling in the pit of his stomach. For a brief moment, he considered it. He could tell Yamaguchi, and hopefully judging on how things were going at that moment, he would return his emotion. After a moment of deliberation, he frowned slightly. His feelings were still very recently discovered, and the idea of his feelings fading soon after he confessed because he was far too hasty made him feel sick. There was also no guarantee Yamaguchi was actually interested in him, and he didn't want to risk it. 

He could wait. 

He needed more time to think about everything. 

But for now, he was content, drifting off to sleep with his best friend fitted perfectly against him. It was a little too warm in the room, but he wouldn’t trade it for the world. He’d gladly get set on fire if it meant he could stay here for god knows how long. 

He was okay with this for now.