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If you had asked Alex yesterday what his biggest fear was, it would have been making a fool of himself while playing the Orpheum. Then he was buzzing with excitement about this big step towards the band’s career but also riddled with anxiety about playing their biggest gig yet. Not to mention he had been kicked out of his house merely a week ago after coming out to his parents, but that was pushed to the back of his mind for now. He had much more important things to think about. He’ll deal with it later, he promises.
However, ask Alex what his biggest fear is now, and he’ll say losing his friends, his brothers. The worst thing was, it was looking to be reality. As he laid on Luke’s lap, the guitarist hand moving slower and slower through his hair, he couldn’t help but groan in pain. Street dogs haven’t killed us yet, he mocked in his head. Yet, as mad as he was about the irony of it all, he couldn’t help but reach out for his brothers, not wanting to be apart, not now. He latched onto Reggie’s hand, who was currently leaning against Luke, looking paler than before. Luke was trying to stay strong, holding onto the two of them in reassurance, but Alex could tell he was fading fast.
He couldn’t bare it. These were his brothers and they were slowly and painfully being taken away from him. Tears filled his eyes, as he remembered the similar position they were all in just a week ago. Each now living in the studio, shut away from their previous lives. Luke held them close just like this, all of them had tears in their eyes, while Reggie muttered, “You’re already home when you feel loved,” into Alex’s hair.
He had found his family, one who didn’t care that he was gay and loved him more than everything, and he was losing them.
He heard the ambulance sirens before he saw the alley illuminated with the bright lights, but he already knew it was too late. Luke’s hand was still, his chest no longer pushing against Alex with each breath. Luke was always there for him, the first person he came out to, and the one who picked him up when his parent’s kicked him out. Luke, who was always bouncing and singing, the embodiment of life and everything perfect in the world. Tears flowed freely as Alex clutched tighter to Reggie, who had also squeezed his hand. They would get this together, just him and-
Reggie’s hand went limp. The hand that held him close during hugs, that clapped his back when excited, messed with his hair when band practice went late and they decided to just sleep in the studio. The hand that was always there to help him up and was constantly tapping out a mysterious beat was still and would never move again.
Alex couldn’t do this, he couldn’t do this without them. He couldn’t imagine a world without them, couldn’t believe this had happened, couldn’t stand without their support, couldn’t do anything, couldn’t hear anything, he couldn’t, he couldn’t, he couldn’t, he couldn’t breathe.
He faintly felt the paramedics move him away from his brothers, but they left his soul behind. In an out of body experience, he could see more than feel the paramedics begin CPR, but it was too late. Closing his eyes, he shut out the world, trying to remember the feeling of Luke’s hugs and Reggie’s contagious laugh. As he faded away, so did the dream the boys had built for so long.
Dark.
Not cold, not empty, just dark.
Yes, there was certainly something else there with him.
No. Someone.
Two people? Talking. Calling out.
“alex...Alex...ALEX!”
Alex’s eyes shot open in confusion. That can’t be right. He blinked, once, twice. His eyes were definitely open, but everything was so dark. He startled as something grabbed his shoulder. Looking over, he sobbed in relief as Luke stared into his eyes.
Moving before he even realized, he threw himself on top of Luke, crashing the other boy onto the floor. Alex’s sobs filled the air as Luke wrapped his arms around Alex, protecting him from the world. Alex felt another pair of arms circle around them and looked up to see Reggie. Reggie’s eyes were lined with unshed tears and Alex leaned his head against the boy’s chest, wanting to be as close as possible.
He didn’t know what had happened, where they were and where they’d go from here, but for now, that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he was here, here with his brothers, wrapped in their arms as it was supposed to be. They would figure this out together. Because with all the crap the world has given them, it graced them with being together past the end. And for that, he was grateful.