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Picture this: A group of good friends spending an evening together, young men, all of them queer, well, all of them except for the one guy who still insists he’s straight. They’re all relaxing, lounging attractively, as young queer men do, except for Sanji who stands heterosexually by the window, smoking leisurely, body draped temptingly against the wall. His friends adorn the furniture, sitting or slouching upon the couch, trying not to be too obvious in their admiration of his forbidden form.
Around the room sit four other exceptionally cool, queer, and beautiful men: Ace D. Portgas, Usopp Bravo, Zoro Roronoa, and Law Trafalgar.
As they lounge, a thought occurs to the moist boisterous of the group.
“Hey, Sanji,” Ace speaks up, lips spreading into a slow smile.
Sanji turns from the window and hums.
“Aren’t blow jobs great?” Ace asks, grinning widely.
Sanji chokes mid drag of his cigarette, coughing, eyes watering, unable to reply.
“Like, the feeling,” Ace licks his lips, eyes sparkling, “of a hot, wet mouth on you, it’s just the best isn’t it?” His smile is predatory. At this point both Usopp and Law have begun listening.
“Your point?” Sanji asks once he regains his breath, voice rough, face flushed.
“Like, it doesn’t matter who’s giving it,” Ace says, “Blowjobs are awesome no matter what.”
Alarmed, Usopp mutters, “Oh no,” just as Law leans his head back and groans to himself “Here we go.”
“Uh… I guess?” Sanji replies, unaware of his friends’ distress.
“So, what would you say,” Ace begins, leaning forward in his seat, “if a guy offered to give you a blow job? Would you let him?”
Finally catching on, Zoro’s eyes narrow and he speaks up, “Wait…”
Sanji flushes from head to toe, “I, uh, but I’m not,”
“I mean, it’s not like it’s gay ,” Ace declares, “Right guys?” He looks around at each of his friends as they avert there eyes.
None of them can disagree. Even if they didn’t agree, they couldn’t conscionably say anything because every single one of them would readily, given the chance, give Sanji head. None of them were ready to kill their chances by saying the wrong thing. Sorry Sanji , they internally apologize. Did this make them bad friends? Pretty much, yes. That being said, they considered it their duty to help escort their dear friend out of the closet. It was a heavy burden but one they would readily, hopefully, eagerly bear.
“I’m just saying,” Ace continues, “If you ever want proof that guys give better head, you know who to ask.”
“Uh, thanks?” Sanji mutters sheepishly.
“I’m serious!” Ace insists, “As your best friend, I would gladly give you head any time-“
“Me too!” Usopp pipes in.
“For the record,” Law drawls, “I’m an excellent cocksucker.”
Zoro looks between his friends in disbelief. These, friends, of his who have known! For months! Of his long-harbored feelings for Sanji! His “ friends” who had assured him of their support! These traitors! ”
“You don’t even have to ask,” Ace continues, “I love sucking dick.”
“Oh,” Sanji is unable to meet anyone’s eye.
“Wow.” Zoro states, deadpan. “What the fuck.” He crosses his arms. “You are all terrible friends.”
Sanji looks up, confused and concerned.
Usopp rubs the back of his neck, “Sorry Zoro…”
Ace shrugs, “You were taking too long man.”
“Well fuck you guys!” Zoro growls, then turns his attention towards Sanji with a determined expression and says, “I have no gag reflex!”
“Well that’s just not fair,” Law mutters under his breath.
“I don’t, uh, I don’t know what’s going on but thanks? I guess? You guys are good friends.”
Zoro snorts and stands, “Well? Do you want a blowjob or what?”
Sanji’s face burns brighter and he turns his head, “Uh, well, all this talk of, uh-“
“Come on,” Zoro growls, grabbing Sanji by the collar and hauling him out of the room.
“Oh, uh, okay?” Sanji mutters as he’s escorted out of the room, looking down to hide his burning cheeks and the irrepressible smile on his lips.
The remaining friends sit on the couch looking between each other until Ace lifts up a hand for a high-five.
“We did it!” He declares, and receives a tentative high-five from Usopp.
“Wait,” Usopp says, putting the pieces together, “are you telling me that was your plan to get Zoro and Sanji together this whole time?! That’s genius!!”
Ace shrugs and decides not to share the fact that, no, that wasn’t the plan at all, he just really wanted to put his mouth on Sanji’s dick.
Law just mutters to himself and shakes his head.
Thirty minutes later Sanji and Zoro return as changed men.