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Declan was relieved when he turned the final corner on his way home. It was 8pm and between an early morning class and his internship, it had been an incredibly long day.
Matthew wouldn’t be home tonight, staying over at a friend’s place that Declan had carefully vetted to make sure it was safe. And while Declan loved his baby brother, he was happy to have a night to himself. Nights like that had been incredibly rare ever since he had taken Matthew to DC with him and Declan was excited to be able to do some of the things he rarely got a chance to do.
But that idea crumbled to pieces the moment Declan noticed a familiar BMW parked in his driveway. The sight caused him to sigh almost immediately because he knew who that car belonged to. Part of him wanted to just turn around, he really wasn’t in the mood for this, but there was another, much bigger, part of him that felt worried enough to park his car behind the BMW in question.
When he got out of his car, he saw Ronan sitting against his front door. His brother seemed more on edge than usual, staring in front of him with icy blue eyes as if he was waiting for something, or someone.
Declan quickly realized that Ronan was waiting for him because his brother got up the moment he noticed Declan standing in the driveway.
“Took you fuckin’ long enough.”
“Nice to see you too,” Declan replied coolly. It took every ounce of self-control he could muster to not say something else, something much more volatile. His relationship with Ronan had been improving these past few months but it was still fragile and he didn’t want to set his brother off. Not immediately, at least.
There was a moment of silence between the two brothers before Declan sighed again, feeling the idea of his nice and quiet evening dissolve when he opened his mouth to speak: “Do you want to come in? I’d rather not stay outside, it’s cold and I’ve had a long day.”
To Declan’s surprise, Ronan followed him inside without a word. He wondered why Ronan was here, visiting unannounced, but he figured that whatever it was, it was likely going to cause him a headache.
They went into the kitchen, neither of them saying anything, while Declan loosened his tie before rolling it up and putting it on the countertop.
Ronan was observing him closely as he did this, making Declan feel a little uneasy. He had felt his brother’s eyes on him like this before...and he was never certain if he was being regarded as predator or prey in these situations. It could definitely be either.
Declan opened his fridge and took out two cans of beer, sliding one of them towards his brother while properly examining him. His first impression that his brother was more on edge than usual had certainly been accurate. Ronan’s shoulders were tense and his eyes were still trained on Declan, watching his every move. It made him both worried and a little uncomfortable. But mostly he just wanted to find out what this was about. Maybe his evening could still be partially salvaged if he got this over with.
“To what do I owe this pleasure?” Declan asked, the tone of his voice neutral. “I didn’t expect to find you sitting on my front porch.”
There was a long silence before Ronan finally opened up his mouth to speak, looking Declan straight in his eyes when the words left his mouth.
“I’m gay.”
“Oh,” Declan muttered. It wasn’t that he was surprised by this confession. He had suspected this for weeks at this point, based on both the way Ronan acted around Parrish and the fact that Ronan had never even shown interest in a girl before. He just hadn’t expected Ronan to actually come all the way to his townhouse in Alexandria to tell him this.
Judging by the way his brother was looking at him, his response hadn’t been the one Ronan had wanted. His eyes were aflame and he looked like he was about to punch Declan in the face.
“Fuck you, I knew telling you was a bad idea,” he snarled, causing Declan to flinch slightly. He was used to Ronan being angry at him but he hadn't expected it to happen this quickly.
“I was just surprised,” Declan said, trying to calm his brother down. He really hadn’t intended to offend Ronan but it seemed like he had done so anyway.
“Like fuck you were,” Ronan replied angrily. “You’re still the same old narrow-minded judgmental dick. Of course you wouldn’t approve.”
Declan knew that Ronan’s words were coming from a place of hurt. He knew that they were coming from fear. That Ronan was probably convinced that Declan wouldn’t approve and that Declan had unintentionally confirmed that. And while before Declan and Ronan would end up fighting after Ronan blew up at him like this, Declan didn’t want to anymore. He was tired of fighting with Ronan. Besides, for once, he actually somewhat understood how his younger brother felt. Or at least, he understood him more than Ronan would suspect.
“If I’d judge you for this, I’d be judging myself too,” Declan said carefully, causing Ronan to raise his eyebrows at him.
“What the fuck do you mean Declan?”
“I’ve made out with a guy before,” Declan revealed, slightly surprised at his own honesty. He hadn’t ever expected to tell this secret to anyone. “Multiple, actually.”
“What?”
Declan watched as the anger left his brother’s body, making place for a more shocked expression. Any other day, the shocked expression on his brother’s face would’ve amused Declan but right now he just hoped that it would be enough. He hadn’t prepared for a scenario like this. There was no roadmap since never in a million years had Declan expected that he would end up in a situation where he would have this conversation with his brother. Which meant he had to do one of the things he hated the most. Improvise.
“So...you’re gay too?” Ronan asked after a long silence causing Declan to shake his head.
“Bi, I think,” he clarified. Declan honestly didn’t really care about labels. He thought of relationships as nothing but transactional. Relationships made things more complicated and Declan didn’t like complicated things. There was a reason people had called him a “manwhore” back at Aglionby but he couldn’t care less about that. He knew what was allowed for him and, more importantly, what wasn’t and serious relationships were strictly on that second list. But honestly, some men were able to satisfy him in ways a woman never could...and vice versa for that matter. For Declan it was all about distracting himself and if the person in question was able to do so, he didn’t really care much about their gender.
Ronan was different though, Declan knew that, and so he had to make sure that this wasn’t going to be a problem. But more than that, he wanted to make sure that his brother wouldn’t get hurt.
“Fuck,” Ronan muttered, clearly unsure what to do with this new information.
“So what brought this on?” Declan asked, deciding it was time to steer the conversation back to Ronan. He had revealed enough about his own sexuality for one night...or one lifetime, preferably.
“Parrish,” Ronan responded, looking away. “We’re dating. He told me to tell you because…”
“Because?”
“Fuck Declan, because we don’t have fucking parents anymore. I don’t fucking know.”
So that’s what this was about. Ronan had likely wanted what Declan presumed every gay child wanted. Approval from their parents...and since their parents were dead, he was probably the next best thing.
“Dad would probably disapprove, right?” Ronan asked while Declan was still trying to find words to respond to Ronan’s previous statement. “We’re catholic, after all.”
The question caused Declan to grimace, mostly because he wasn’t sure how to answer it. Declan didn’t like talking about his father, he had very complicated feelings about him. It was his father’s fault that Declan’s life had ended up the way it did and Declan was fairly certain that his father had never loved him. His father had always loved Ronan and Matthew but Declan? Declan had been forced to be his father’s right-hand man at a young age, ruining his childhood. He had been his business partner, his partner in crime and his successor after he passed away but he had never once felt like his father’s son. But Ronan needed an answer, he needed comfort, and Declan was determined to give it.
“I think father would’ve still loved you. You were his favorite,” Declan answered, unable to completely hide the bitterness in his voice. Declan fully believed in his answer though. His father would’ve loved Ronan no matter what his younger brother did, Declan was sure of it.
“As for church, I don’t know. I know your faith is important to you but I’ve stopped believing a long time ago.”
And it was true, Declan had stopped believing in God after he and his brothers had become orphans. Declan felt like if there was a God, his life wouldn’t be like this. He wouldn’t have lost both his parents. He wouldn’t have ended up being forced to live like a shell of himself. He wouldn’t end up feeling so damn miserable all the time. But he did, this was what his life was and he had been forced to make peace with it.
“I’m sorry.”
Now it was Declan’s turn to be shocked, he hadn’t expected an apology out of his brother. Ronan rarely ever apologized to him and even when he did, it didn’t sound this genuine.
“I didn’t know you had a secret like this too,” Ronan clarified. “I always assumed you just fucked around with girls.”
“That’s okay Ronan, I don’t blame you,” Declan responded. “It doesn’t bother me at all.”
That wasn’t exactly true, Declan had thought about how his father would condemn him for being bisexual but he tried not to think about what his fucking father thought of him. Nothing good ever came out of pondering about things like that.
“But I’m glad you’re happy Ronan,” Declan said after his brother went silent again. They were honestly both terrible at having conversations like this. “I assume Parrish is treating you well?”
“Fuck you,” Ronan responded, glaring at Declan. It wasn’t particularly venomous though, it was probably the most affectionate “fuck you” Declan had ever heard coming out of Ronan’s mouth.
“I take it, that's a yes then.”
After another brief moment of silence Declan did what he thought every good big brother would do, closing the distance between him and Ronan with a few steps before looking him in his eyes.
“I’m going to hug you now,” he said. Declan wasn’t a hugger and he figured that Ronan wasn’t either, both of them left that to Matthew, but right now it felt appropriate to give his younger brother a hug.
“Fuck no,” Ronan protested but he didn’t try to fight Declan when he wrapped his arms around him, eventually doing the same thing as his older brother and hugging him back.
“Thanks,” Ronan whispered quietly before breaking away from Declan. “You’re not always a boring dick.”
“Go drink your beer,” Declan responded, letting out a reserved chuckle before cracking open his own can. “You’re not driving home tonight.”
Ronan looked like he was about to protest but he nodded instead, taking the beer Declan had slid towards him earlier from the countertop before the two brothers settled on the sofa.
The brothers drank beer and talked on the sofa until the dark hours of the night before they both fell asleep, Ronan’s head resting on Declan’s shoulder.
Matthew would find them like this upon coming home the next morning, surprised and incredibly giddy to see his brothers like this. Matthew knew that Declan and Ronan had a strained relationship but now they looked like they had finally, properly, made peace. He honestly didn’t know what had happened but he knew that it had to have been huge. It was like a dream come true to him though, seeing his brothers like this.
He took out his phone to snap a picture of them with a big grin on his face, determined to use it the next time his brothers had a fight. It would remind them that they were the Lynch brothers, determined to stick together ‘till the end, and that they loved each other as much as Matthew loved both his brothers.