Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Good morning, Leggy,” Nanefua said, walking down the stairs of Beach City’s mayoral residence. Her Ruby bodyguard, dressed in the best extra-extra-small suit they could find, stood at attention by the door, before realizing that the elderly mayor was halfway down the walkway.

“Oh!” Leggy gasped, running to catch up. “Uh, good morning to you, too, Ms. Mayor?”

“Have a nice weekend?” Nanefua asked, making small talk.

Leggy blinked. She didn’t know what that was. She forgot to pay attention in that “Human Small Talk” class at Little Homeschool. What was a week? How did it end? Was it good for it to be ‘nice’? She tensed up.

“Uh…”

“Nothing much to do in Little Homeworld, huh?” Nanefua laughed.

“Oh, no, not at all,” Leggy said, breathing a sigh of relief.

They reached the Pizzamobile, used nowadays for mayoral transport ever since Kofi finally decided to put Fish Stew Pizza on DoorRush. Army, her other bodyguard, sat in the driver’s seat. As Nanefua sat in the back, Leggy hopped into the passenger seat.

“So, Army, what is my itinerary for today?” Nanefua asked, opening up her briefcase.

“The city council wants you to meet with the new mayor of Little Homeworld,” Army began. “Apparently someone’s been setting off fireworks late at night or something.”

Nanefua sighed, looking through her binder of files. The one who lodged the complaint was Mr. Fryman, who’d become a bit of a nuisance ever since Peedee left to run their first franchise restaurant, Charm Citywalk Fries, and Ronaldo moved to Homeworld as Earth Ambassador. 

“Who’s the new mayor of Little Homeworld?” Leggy asked. “I don’t really, uh, follow that stuff.”

Nanefua chuckled, looking at the tall spire looming over the hillside. She knew all too well who it was.

“Pearl.”

---

“A noise ordinance?” Pearl asked as she walked through Little Homeworld Central Hall. It was in the bottom of the tall spire Bismuth had built, for the purposes of governing the small city. The spacious lobby, made of the same tan brick as the rest of the building, had wooden stairs that went up to the upper floors, where Pearl and other Gems worked.

“Yes,” Deputy Mayor Volleyball said, following Pearl up the stairs. “Mayor Nanefua’s on her way now.”

“To do what? Wave a piece of paper at us? It’s not our fault humans have sensitive ears.”

“I think she just wants it to stop,” Volleyball suggested. “We don’t even know who’s doing it.”

“Did Bismuth or her deputies find anything?” Pearl asked. Bismuth was the Chief of Little Homeworld’s police force, composed of basically whoever wanted to join.

“No, I’m afraid not,” Volleyball continued as they reached Pearl’s office.

“Well they better, or Nanefua won’t be—”

“Will not be what?” Nanefua asked, already inside and sitting in front of Pearl’s desk. Leggy and Army stood by the door, nodding to the two Pearls as they went in.

“Ah, hello Nanefua, how was your, what do humans call it, ‘week-end’?”

“Forgive me, but let us skip the pleasantries,” Nanefua said. “And get down to business.”

“Ah, yes, the noise thing,” Pearl said, sitting down. Volleyball stood behind her, hands clasped.

“I have constituents who are very particular about not getting their eardrums blown out, Ms. Pearl,” Nanefua began.

“...Ears have drums?” Leggy whispered to Army. Army shushed her.

“Well, I assure you that the Little Homeworld PD will—”

Nanefua snorted. “Remind me, who is in charge of the LHPD?”

“...Bismuth, but I don’t see—”

“Ms. Pearl, do you know what a ‘conflict of interest’ is?”

Pearl blushed, embarrassed. “Ms. Pizza, I haven’t the foggiest idea—”

“You’re screwin’ her, arentcha?” Nanefua asked with a giggle.

Pearl buried her face in her hands. “...What do you want?”

“A more independent investigation.”

“Now hold on,” Pearl said, reasserting herself. “I’m not letting the Beach City PD anywhere near here. I don’t trust them.”

“Pearl, you have to pay that speeding ticket sometime,” Nanefua remarked.

“Never!” Pearl declared, standing up. “Unless you can find a more neutral team to investigate this matter, I suggest your constituents buy earplugs.”

Nanefua shrugged and gestured to Army and Leggy. “They could do it.”

Leggy was picking her nose. Army smacked her and stood back at attention. Pearl and Volleyball both held back a laugh. Ruby guards? Investigating something? How ridiculous!

“I mean it,” Nanefua said. “Let my Rubies investigate this, and you won’t hear another word about it from me.”

Pearl and Volleyball looked at each other and nodded. “We have a deal,” Pearl said, shaking Nanefua’s hand.

“What just happened?” Leggy asked, still confused.

Army shrugged.

Chapter Text

Doc enjoyed her job as Nanefua’s head of security. Unfortunately it meant her office was in a moderately-sized broom closet in the back of Fish Stew Pizza, but fortunately Rubies were well adept at fitting in small spaces. Doc was also dressed in a black suit, though she didn’t have the sunglasses her two underlings had. A lightbulb dangled above Doc’s desk, which was actually just a milk crate stacked on some soup cans.

Army and Leggy entered, saluting like they did in human militaries. “At ease!” Doc commanded. “We have orders, you two. Orders!”

“Yes!” Leggy squeed. “I love orders… Uh, what are they?”

“You two have been tasked with investigating whoever’s been making those loud noises in Little Homeworld. Nanefua’s giving you 48 hours to figure this out. Get to it!”

“Sir, yes, sir!” Army shouted, grabbing Leggy and marching out of the closet.

“What are we doing, again?” Leggy asked as Army dragged her through Fish Stew Pizza. She waved at Bixbite behind the counter.

“Okay, if we wanted to find a noise-maker, and we do, how would we do it?” Army thought out loud.

“Do one of those things where you cook meat on a grill and it's outside?” Leggy asked, still on the floor.

“You mean a steak-out?” Kiki chuckled, behind the counter with Bixbite.

“...Yeah!” Army realized. She ran straight through the glass door, shattering it and dragging Leggy onto the boardwalk.

“Papa won’t like that,” Kiki shrugged.

---

“Night one of Steak Out,” Army narrated into a tape recorder as they stood atop Little Homeworld’s central tower. It was just after dark. “We are waiting for our perpetrator to strike, but when they will strike is a myster—”

“Ooh, Fireflies!” Leggy squeed, running around the rooftop and catching the small glowing insects.

Army sighed. “First of all, they’re called Lightning Bugs, second—”

“Steven called them Fireflies, though.”

“Yeah, well, Nanefua calls them Lightning Bugs.”

“But that doesn’t—”

“Leggy!” Army said in a harsh whisper. “This is a serious mission!”

Leggy got up and joined Army by the ledge. “You were always the serious one,” Leggy mused.

“Oh yeah?” Army asked. “Eyeball and Doc were the serious ones. You and Navy were always so carefree.”

“Where’s that leave you?” Leggy asked.

“Well, Eyeball and Navy are still banned from Earth for crimes against the Crystal Gems,” Army laughed. “So looks like I got the better end of...uh...whatever. Stupid Earth metaphors…”

Before Leggy could react, they saw a beam of light shoot up into the sky from one of the Little Homeworld neighborhoods. Once the beam reached its peak, the light exploded into a flashing red symbol, shattering the air with a tremendous noise. A Homeworld Distress Signal.

“That’s it!” Army exclaimed, grabbing Leggy and jumping off the tower. 

“Waaaaaaaaaait!” Leggy screamed as the two Rubies fell towards the ground.

After smashing the ground into a crater, Army stood up and made a break for the source of the signal, as Leggy struggled to climb out.

“C’mon!” Army called out. “It’s just down this alleyway!”

Leggy face-planted repeatedly as she ran after Army. “Army! Hold up! I can’t…” Leggy rounded the corner and saw Army, being held at knifepoint, by a certain one-eyed ruby.

“Long time, no see,” Eyeball said threateningly, holding her knife to Army’s gem.

Leggy fainted on the spot.

Chapter Text

“Look, I’m all for threatening with violence,” Army began, “But when it involves me, I draw a line.”

“That’s funny, I draw a line at Rubies joining their side,” Eyeball said, walking Army down the alleyway.

“We all joined their side!” Army noted. “Even Jasper joined, sort of.”

“Don’t remind me,” Eyeball grumbled. “Now, you’re going to do something for me.”

“And what’s that?” Army asked.

They rounded another corner, finding a small, blue gem, laying on the ground next to a piece of salvaged Homeworld tech, which had been sending off their distress flares. Her gem was cracked, making her form vibrate with static.

“Oh good,” Aquamarine remarked. “That’s the solution to my problem, more Rubies!”

“Quiet!” Eyeball barked, turning back to Army. “Look, she’s hurt, and I can’t risk going to the Crystal Gems or else they’d arrest us for cutting off that human’s hair or whatever, so you have to go to Rose Quartz’s fountain and get some of that healing gunk!”

“What?” Army asked. “No!”

“I’ll shatter you,” Eyeball warned. “I mean it!”

“And she’ll still be cracked,” Army doubly-warned. “And Leggy’s probably running off to get help right now! The whole LHPD’s probably on their way here right—”

“Oh, hey Eyeball!” Leggy waved, rounding the corner. “Sorry I fainted, I just don’t like surprises. How’ve you been?”

Army groaned as Eyeball burst into laughter. “Stars, I always thought you were dumb, but this?” Eyeball cackled.

Realizing that Eyeball was distracted, Army summoned her weapon, a dark red baton, and hit Eyeball with it, pushing her off. “Leggy! Go get help!” Army called out.

“Those...aren’t...even...our... names!” Eyeball said as they struggled on the ground.

“Oh stars, oh stars,” Leggy panicked. “Who do I go to? What do I say?”

“Leggy!” Army shouted.

“Heh, a Ruby fight,” Aquamarine laughed as her physical form continued to break down. “Almost makes this worth it.”

Just as Army had Eyeball pinned down, a bright, red light illuminated the dark alleyway. The four gems all looked up, seeing the familiar sight of a Roaming Eye as it landed in the alley.

“Looks like your call was answered,” Army said, shocked enough to let Eyeball go.

The Roaming Eye landed, and its exit hatch swung open, blinding them with yellow light.

“Hey, guys!” Navy called out, stepping down the ramp. “Saw your shiny light thing! It was so pretty, I just had to check it out!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Eyeball shook her head. “Can you get us to Rose Quartz’s fountain or not?”

“Sure!” Navy nodded, gesturing for them to come aboard.

Eyeball went and picked up Aquamarine, carrying her aboard the Roaming Eye. Army and Leggy looked at each other, unsure of what to do. Suddenly, they heard Gems running around the corner.

“Hey!” Bismuth called out. “What’re you doin’ here?”

The hatch on the Roaming Eye slammed shut and the ship rose up into the air.

“Come back here, you clods!” Army called out.

“Bye, bye!” Leggy waved.

Army turned to Leggy, scowling. “You idiot! They got away!”

“W-what?” Leggy stammered, tears forming in her eyes.

“Ugh, you don’t even know what you did!” Army complained. “You always do this…”

Bismuth, accompanied by Snowflake Obsidian and Crazy Lace Agate, placed her hands on the two Rubies’ shoulders.

“You two are in a heap of trouble,” Bismuth sighed.

---

“Eyeball and Aquamarine are still on Earth?!” Pearl shouted. “And Navy is helping them?”

Leggy and Army sat in front of Pearl’s desk, avoiding her gaze. Bismuth, Doc, Nanefua and Volleyball stood behind her, each with a disappointed look on their faces.

“And you two just let them get away?” Pearl continued. “Now we have no idea where they are or where they’re going!”

“I, uh…” Leggy began, raising her hand.

“I’m not finished!” Pearl barked. She turned to Nanefua. “Mayor Pizza? I want these two off the case. This is too big a job for Rubies.”

“Pearl, perhaps you’re being too harsh.”

“We have three rogue Gems flying around Earth to stars-know-where. I’m being as harsh as circumstances require.” She turned back to the Rubies. “Now, out!”

As Leggy and Army sadly walked out of Pearl’s office, Bismuth began going over their plan to find the Roaming Eye.

“Okay, so I’ve already put out an APB to the Moonbase and the Homeworld fleet. They won’t get far if they try to leave Earth.”

“Navy’s smart for a Ruby, so she probably knows that,” Pearl considered. “So they’re going to stick with Earth. But where could they go?”

The two taller Gems kept talking, but all Doc and Nanefua could think of was Army and Leggy. Out in the hall, Army was having a minor outburst.

“Ugh!” Army erupted, her feet melting the floor. “This is just perfect! Now we’re out of a job!”

Leggy, who had been looking at her feet for a while, finally looked up at Army and shrugged. “We can go back to guarding the mayor...right?”

“Yeah, but I wanted to finally do something more than just guarding the mayor! I wanted to be successful, like all those other gems with more exciting jobs!” Army closed her eyes and sighed. “Just...just so I could know that I could do it. But now I know that we can’t. We’re just Rubies.”

Army started walking away. Leggy ran after her, grabbing the small Gem’s arm.

“Where, uh… Where are ya going?” she asked.

“Somewhere where I’ll be useful,” Army said with a sigh.

Chapter Text

Rubies always had a reputation for being dumb, and admittedly they were right. But it wasn’t their fault that Homeworld designed Rubies with only the bare minimum in processing power. And if Leggy was being honest, it kind of got to her sometimes.

After all, she knew she didn’t know as much as other Gems. And she didn’t really “think good.” But she was just as good as any other Gem! Being a particularly dumb Ruby didn’t change that.

Leggy stood at the top of Little Homeworld’s central tower, looking out at Beach City on the horizon. It was just after sunrise, and the way the morning sun hit the town was pretty.

“I’d like a penny for your thoughts,” Garnet said, walking up to Leggy.

“I dunno, I think Army is mad at me,” Leggy sighed. “We kinda messed up our first big assignment, and I feel...bad?”

“You’re tired of people underestimating you,” Garnet nodded. It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah! I think that’s what Army was trying to tell me. She’s a lot smarter with...the words. I wish I could make it up to her.”

“Tell me why you think you can’t.”

“Because to do that, I’d have to help her solve the case!” Leggy lamented. “And I dunno if I can do that…”

“You definitely can,” Garnet assured her. “Rubies are tough. Believe me, I know.” Garnet lowered her visor and gave a wink from her third eye. “They’re pretty hard to break.”

“Yeah…” Leggy nodded in agreement. “Wait, break?” she asked, the word ringing a bell. Break, as in broken gems. As in cracked gems. Aquamarine had a cracked gem. Cracked gems needed to be healed. Steven could heal gems. But he wasn’t here. Which meant the only other way to do that was to go to… 

She remembered where Eyeball said she was taking Aquamarine. Rose’s Fountain. “That’s it!” she exclaimed. “Thanks, Garnet!”

The small Gem ran off, hoping that Army could forgive her.

---

“The bits! The bits!” Larimar repeated, banging on the counter. Fryman, his hair now graying a bit, sighed. It was just after opening time.

“I thought when Greg’s kid left I wouldn’t have to do this anymore,” Fryman said, turning to Army, who stood by the deep fryer. “Ruby! Fry bits! To go!”

Army, no longer in her black suit and tie and instead in a striped Beach Citywalk Fries uniform, grumbled as she poured the bits into the bag. To her surprise, the back door swung open slightly, revealing Leggy, standing sheepishly in the threshold.

“Leggy?” Army asked in a whisper. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry I screwed up the mission,” Leggy said, hugging herself. “But I think I thought of something that can make up for it?”

“Hey Rubester!” Fryman called out. “Where are those bits?”

“In a minute!” Army barked before returning to Leggy. “And what’s that?”

“Eyeball’s taking Aquamarine to Rose’s fountain!” Leggy explained. “I know because she said it but then we forgot about it afterwards because Pearl was so angry at us, and I know you were angry at me too so I figured if we go catch ‘em, you’ll be happy with me?”

“The bits, lil’ Ruby!” Fryman badgered. “Where are they?”

Army took a look at the bag of fry bits, disgusted with their existence. Her miserable expression turned into a smug smirk as she tore off her uniform, revealing her suit underneath and tossing them at Fryman. “Get ‘em yourself! I got a spaceship to find.”

Army ran out the door and hugged Leggy out in the back alley. “Sorry I got angry at you before. I was always the angry one, huh?”

“Yeah,” Leggy said with a giggle.

“So we know where Eyeball’s headed, and the Crystal Gems don’t?” Army realized. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“That thing with the steaks and the grill…?”

“Yeah! A Steak Out!”

This time they’d get it right. They were the only ones for the job.

Chapter Text

Army and Leggy looked around a corner, towards the Little Homeworld warp pad. It was being heavily guarded.

“Dammit, they’re on high alert,” Army cursed. “Where’s the nearest other warp pad?”

Leggy thought for a moment. “Ooh, I know!”

---

“You want to sneak into the Crystal Gems’ house?!” Army asked in a loud whisper as they crouched under the porch windows of the Beach House.

“It’s the only other warp pad in town,” Leggy shrugged. “Unless you wanna get past those big guards…”

Army sighed. “Okay, fine, but how do we get inside?”

Leggy went to the door and knocked. Army immediately tackled her to the floor. As the two Rubies wrestled, Greg came to the door.

“Oh, hey...uh, Rubies?”

Army and Leggy stopped wrestling and stood up straight.

“Hello!” Leggy waved. “Can we use your warp pad?”

“Sure!” Greg said, letting them in.

Leggy gave Army a carefree smile as they walked into the house.

---

It was already nighttime wherever the fountain was. Leggy and Army found a vantage point high above it and waited.

“...What do we do when they get here?” Leggy asked.

Army looked blankly forward. She didn’t know. Before she could speak, she was interrupted by the sound of a Roaming Eye descending through the clouds.

“Whatdowedowhatdowedo…” Army quietly panicked as the Roaming Eye landed in the courtyard. Leggy thought about her conversation with Garnet. Garnet was pretty strong and smart. She’d know what to do. So, fusion would make Leggy and Army stronger too!

“Army,” Leggy said, holding her hand out. “Would you, uh, like to…”

Army realized what she was doing and smiled, taking Leggy’s hand. Their gems glowed bright red, making their forms come together to form a Double Ruby fusion.

“What was that?” Eyeball asked as she carried Aquamarine towards the fountain.

“Probably just the wind, you twit! Now heal me!” Aquamarine shouted, her limbs degrading into noodly arms.

“Not so fast,” Double Ruby called out, jumping into the air and landing between the two gems and the fountain. Eyeball dropped Aquamarine in surprise. Being the fusion of two Rubies, Double Ruby was naturally twice as tall as them, being nearly the height of a Quartz soldier. Army and Leggy’s black suits and ties were shrunk around the large Ruby’s body, becoming more like a crop top and short shorts.

Inside the Roaming Eye, Navy started powering it back up. “Welp, good luck guys, I gotta go!” Navy said, frantically hitting the controls.

Double Ruby punched the Roaming Eye, causing it to fall over, smashing into the side of the fountain. The crack in the wall caused all of the healing liquid to spill out, flowing out onto the surrounding concrete. The rush of liquid hit Aquamarine, healing the crack in her gem. 

“Oh no,” Double Ruby muttered.

Aquamarine laughed evilly as she rose from the pool of healing tears, locking hands with Eyeball, who realized she should be laughing evilly too and joined in. Their gems glowed and their forms combined, forming Bluebird Azurite.

“Ah, it’s been a painfully long time,” Bluebird remarked, pulling out her rapier. “Care to dance?”

“Uh…” Double Ruby said, at a loss for words.

Bluebird lunged at Double Ruby, who summoned Army’s baton (as Leggy had no weapon of her own yet), but bigger. Double Ruby used it to block against Bluebird’s sword, just barely holding on throughout the fight.

Bluebird laughed as she pinned Double Ruby against the crashed Roaming Eye. “Everyone knows that while fusions are stronger than their components, fusions of two different Gems are stronger than fusions of two of the same! Especially one made entirely of Rubies.”

Double Ruby felt a storm going on in her mind, as Army and Leggy mutually panicked, leaving the fusion frozen in place. Suddenly, however, one of them had a moment of clarity, realizing what they were being pinned against.

“Rubies…” Double Ruby began. “Are… A lot smarter… Than you think!” She pushed Bluebird off, throwing the baton directly in her face.

“What are you—” Bluebird said, distracted by the baton. She looked up after tossing it away, seeing Double Ruby lifting the Roaming Eye up over her head. “Oh shale…”

Double Ruby threw the spaceship, hitting Bluebird with it, poofing her and her components instantly. As the Roaming Eye rolled to a stop, Navy kicked the hatch open. “Oh hi!” Navy said in her cutesy voice. “It was a good thing we teamed up to stop those guys! I was on your side the whoooole—”

Double Ruby punched Navy into a wall, knocking her out. Nearby, a bright blue column of light hit the warp pad, revealing Doc, Nanefua, Bismuth and Pearl. Double Ruby instantly destabilized, with Army and Leggy falling to the ground shortly thereafter. 

“Uh… Hi?” Leggy greeted with a shrug.

---

“You disobeyed orders, damaged a historic Crystal Gem site, depleted our healing tear supply and almost let three dangerous gems get away!” Pearl scolded the two Rubies, now back in her office.

“...But?” Bismuth reminded her.

Pearl sighed. “But, as they say on Earth cop shows, you got ‘em.”

“I do not think any shows say that,” Nanefua pointed out.

Pearl ignored Nanefua and continued. “So thank you both. There are two openings on the LHPD if either of you want it.”

Leggy and Army looked at each other, then at Nanefua and Doc. “Thanks,” Leggy began. “But I think we’ll pass.”

Nanefua and Doc lit up at that. Army elaborated. “We like guarding Mayor Pizza just fine.”

“Well, if there’s anything I can do for you,” Pearl nodded, “You just let me know.”

Army and Leggy both thought for a moment. “Well, there is one thing…” Leggy finally said.

---

The Roaming Eye, formerly belonging to Navy, blasted through the sky at high speeds, shattering the air over Beach City. Inside, Army was at the controls as Leggy sat next to Nanefua.

“Ah, now this is the life,” Nanefua said, stretching out as she looked over her briefings for the day.

“I know right?” Leggy said, still smiling with glee.

“Pizza Force One coming in for landing,” Army said, bringing the craft down.

“Roger that Pizza Force One,” Doc said over the radio. “Fish Stew Tower is safe for landing.”

The Roaming Eye landed on the roof of Fish Stew Pizza, the hatch popping open shortly afterwards. Nanefua and Leggy stepped out, going on excitedly about something. Army walked out behind them, meeting Doc at the bottom of the platform. Doc held a serious, stoic expression on her face, folding her arms. Army looked at her in confusion, before Doc’s expression folded into a laugh.

“Now c’mere you!” Doc said, putting her arm around Army. “How’d she handle?”

Army looked back at the Roaming Eye. “Same as last time, I guess.”

“You ever miss those days, with us and Eyeball and Navy?” Doc asked.

Army looked towards Little Homeworld on the horizon, then at Leggy and Nanefua. She smiled.

“Yeah, but I’m glad to be here,” Army nodded. “Now let’s go get some pizza.”