Work Text:
Every single day
I worry if I will lose you I'm afraid
If you listen to this song, will my true feelings reach you
I miss your name even though I call and call it
When I'm tired and wasted
When sometimes I fall
Girl you always pick me up
Like now, be next to me
Hook didn’t know where things went wrong. There was no one trying to kill them, Emma seemed happy by his side, he had an appointment at Granny’s every evening to dine with the heroes, and at the library every morning to research with Belle, at the weekends he had date nights with Emma and boat trips with Henry. Snow White and Prince Charming seemed to have somewhat accepted him in the family and the barbs exchanged between him and the Evil Queen appeared to be more and more fond as the days passed.
So why he was drinking his weight in rum at the Rabbit Hole on a Wednesday afternoon?
He had been feeling off since he woke up, and when Belle suggested they ended their research early, Hook’s feet brought him here without a second thought. The pirate indicated his empty glass to the bartender while glancing at the clock. Strange, I came here at 4 pm how come is already 10 pm, that couldn’t be right. Frowning, Hook raised his hand to his jacket that was draped over his chair to get his talking phone to see if he had any worried text messages on it, and when after the fifth try he still couldn’t get into his pocket he noticed that perhaps the clock was right and he had spent more time than he had originally thought.
Well.
He gave up on the talking phone and raised his newly full glass to his mouth. His back was still hurting with phantom pain only slightly weaker than the one he was feeling on his left wrist so perhaps he hasn’t drunk enough yet.
“There’s no way to stop you when you get in a mood” His Milah used to say to him whenever this happened.
She usually drank with him until the stars were high in the sky and then made sure his thoughts were away from the scars of his back until the sun raised again and he was finally able to sleep. Her beautiful blue eyes never left him during the whole ordeal. Or were they green? At this moment he wanted to rub his tattoo of her heart but there was a reason why he did it on his right forearm. He made sure he never forgot that he would never be able to touch her heart again after what was taken from him.
He drank everything in his glass and indicated for another.
There was a fight brewing behind him but Hook didn’t look up, it wasn’t his business and his mind was lost in another world, at the sea. He had his glass raised to his lips when someone bumped into his arm making his precious rum fall on his shirt.
“Uh? Sorry dude…” The man who bumped into him said, his words slurred, Hook had never seen this man before, but again he was pretty sure he didn’t know half of the town, but by the way the man looked nervously between his face and his hook, he knew who he was. It would be so easy, to just raise his left arm, and put his hook in the man’s neck. He had killed a man in similar situations before, he knew he wouldn’t miss the target.
“Scram” The bartender suddenly said, pushing lightly at the other man’s shoulder and the guy seemed relieved at the intervention. “More rum, Captain?” Hook slowly turned to the bartender and noticed how nervous the other man looked for the first time; his hands were fidgeting and it seemed to take real effort to keep his eyes on his face. Perhaps he had taken too long deciding either to kill the other man. He nodded at the bartender and drained the glass before he left, making him fill his cup again.
He was debating if it was worth it to buy a whole bottle to drink on the docks when there was a hand on his arm.
“Hey there.” Said a soft voice. Hook looked at the person who was now sitting by his side and he was sure he was seeing an angel. “Missed you at dinner” Swan said and maybe if he was less drunk he would have noticed that even if her words were lighthearted her eyes were anything but. As it was, the pirate simply nodded and drank a little more.
“Hey.” She repeated and this time her frown was unmistakable.
“What’s wrong, Swan?” Hook asked, he couldn’t see her worrying at this moment of peace, he would do anything to make her happy.
“I should be the one asking that.” She said, frowning deeper. Noticing his glass was empty again, Hook indicated to the bartender but Swan put her hand on the top of the glass before the worker could serve it. “I think you had enough buddy.”
“There’s never enough rum” He mumbled but accepted. With some difficulty, he grabbed his jacket and after a few tries located his flask.
“Aha” He said lowly, before raising his left hand to open, and only after a few tries he noticed what was going wrong.
“Yeah, you had enough.” Emma said, taking the flask from his hand. Hook made a little whine he would never admit making when sober and tried to take the flask from her hand but she was faster than him at the moment. “What was your plan anyway? Drink until they kick you out then stumble to Granny’s and drown in your puke?” And now she was using her angry voice.
“What’s wrong, Swan?” He asked with the sensation of déjà vu. Swan simply scoffed.
“You missed dinner, and when I looked for you at the library Belle told me you had ended early today.” Hook wasn’t really listening to her words, was simply looking at her mouth, she had beautiful lips. His left hand was hurting a lot. “And when I came home to tell my parents, my father said that I should let you be for some time since he noticed that you were off this morning which is odd because I would notice if you were off, right?” She was talking faster now but Hook was too busy rubbing his left wrist to notice, his brace was hurting his stump. “Then I practically made camp at Granny’s to wait for you and had to be called to stop a bar fight to find you finally.” The pirate looked at his empty glass and thought that perhaps he should fill it up. “Are you listening to me?” She said louder, turning his face to look at her. Hook frowned at her expression.
“What’s wrong, Swan?” It seemed to be the wrong thing to ask because she frowned even more before standing up.
“That’s it, time to go home.” She said, but Hook shook his head.
“No, Milah hates when I drink without her.” He heard a sharp intake of breath but was too busy staring at the hook at the table to see where it came from, and oh, the hook was connected to him.
“C’mon.” The voice said softly, taking his arm and making him stand up.
“Swan.” Hook said surprised when his face was inches from hers, and when he saw her expression he frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“At the moment, I want to take your ass home.” She answered with a sigh while practically dragging him out of the bar with his arm on her shoulders and her arm on his waist.
“No home, only Granny’s” He mumbled and he thought that he felt Emma getting more rigged against him but she relaxed again right after and walked with him in the direction of the Bed & Breakfast.
Everything was fine, so why was he feeling so bad? The town was safe, and Emma and her family were safe. Emma.
“Swan, Swan, Swan,” He suddenly said with urgency. “We are courting.” He slurred and Emma laughed softly.
“Not the words I would use, but yes.”
“That’s marvelous…” He finished, awed.
“You can still say marvelous but can’t walk straight, that’s impressive.” She laughed more sincerely this time and that smile made him smile.
“You…you should be courted like…like…like a princess…” Hook said almost tripping on the sidewalk. “A prince would be better…” He mumbled, closing his eyes but Emma shook him a little and he opened them again.
“What are you talking about?”
“You deserve more than…than a one-handed pirate with a drinking problem…”
“Hey, careful, that’s my boyfriend you are talking about.” Swan said with an edge to her voice.
“No, I am talking about me…” Hook answered, shaking his head a little. “I am just…just a cabin boy…” His words were getting quieter and quieter but Emma was too close to him to not hear him.
“Bullshit, you are a captain.” She said, sounding indignant, but Killian simply shook his head.
“No…just…just a child slave…” He mumbled and this time Swan stopped completely.
“What?” She asked her voice pure ice. Killian looked up and saw that they were in front of Granny’s already, so perhaps this conversation had been much slower than he thought.
“Look, Granny’s…” He said, pointing at the place, maybe she hadn’t noticed they had already arrived. Her hand was suddenly on his cheek, making him look at her.
“Hey…don’t lock me out.” He said softly, making Hook frown.
“We are not inside yet.” He said, confused, how he would lock her out if they weren’t inside yet? She simply sighed and helped him get to his room.
Once inside, Hook sat down on his bed and made quick work to unclasp his brace not even taking the hook out first. He thought distantly that he should be more self-conscious of Emma still being in the room after all even when they slept together he kept the brace on, but the thing had been itching him the whole day and he couldn’t wait to get it off.
“Killian.” She said and he noticed she has kneeled between his legs and before his mind could go anywhere more enjoyable, she put one hand on his stump and the other on his cheek. “You know you can tell me anything right?” He frowned at her and she touched his forehead with hers. “I know I am not easy, but I don’t want you to think for a second that I won’t be here for you.”
He believed her. Suddenly the taste of rum in his mouth was too bitter for him.
“I..” He started but had to swallow before continuing. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me…” He confessed. There was no new nightmare, no trigger, nothing. One day he was fine and the other he was feeling his left hand and the lashes on his back, he was missing Milah and the Jolly Roger and his brother, he felt all his three hundred years on his shoulders.
“It’s okay,” Emma answered, caressing the hair at his nape and looking deeply into his eyes. “Just know that you can talk to me when you figure it out…and before that too.” He nodded numbly, he truly didn’t deserve this woman. “For now go to sleep, tomorrow we will talk more.” She said pushing him lightly on the chest to make him lie down.
Distantly he felt her taking his shoes off but he was already closing his eyes. Maybe he would feel ashamed of his action the next day or would have such a killer hangover he wouldn’t leave bed until lunch, but for now, he surrounded himself to sleep.
Apparently, Milah had been wrong, there was a way to get him out of his moods.