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Birds fly by the window as people pass by on the road down below. The morning sun shines brightly, breathing life to the two cacti sitting on the balcony railing. Yoo Joonghyuk takes a sip of his coffee, as he watches the crowd cross the street with idleness, simply bathing in the warmth of the early sunlight.
Today is going to be another ordinary day.
Then, he hears a crash from the bedroom behind him, placing his mug without the care he quickly rushes back inside the room.
“Are you okay?” he approaches the fallen man and carefully picks the fragile body up from where he is lying on the floor before placing him on their bed. He notices how much the smaller man’s body is trembling.
“Are you hurt anywhere?” he asks with worry, before moving his hands to check on Kim Dokja’s body for a sign of injury.
Kim Dokja who is lost in his thought does not seem to realise Yoo Joonghyuk’s presence and instead, he mumbles out the words ‘no no no’ like a spell, as tears start to flow down his pupil-blown eyes.
Yoo Joonghyuk who has just realised how odd his partner was behaving, moves to embrace the other male, but before he could do so, Kim Dokja's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he loses his consciousness.
This time it was him who chants the word ‘no no no’ like a prayer while holding the smaller male body close to himself as if he could deny the reality in front of him by doing so.
Today is supposed to be another normal day in their relatively short married life, Joonghyuk was supposed to wake up Kim Dokja, maybe kiss him awake before cooking their breakfast. His husband was still in good health last night, Joonghyuk does not know what happened in his sleep for this to happen.
When his common sense has finally won over his feeling, he brings a shaky hand toward Kim Dokja’s neck and his body sags from relief when he found a steady pulse there. Even though the man has become unconscious from shock his breathing is surprisingly stable, and Joonghyuk could feel some of the tension leaving his body.
He cannot lose Kim Dokja again, he could not regress anymore, this is the only life he has, and this is his last chance to be together with the man he loves more than anything.
He gingerly brushes Kim Dokja’s bangs from his forehead, only to find out how sweat-soaked they were. He is reluctant to leave Kim Dokja’s side, but the smaller male could catch a cold if he leaves the hair wet.
Unfortunately for him yesterday was laundry day so all their towels are in still in the ironing board in the living room. Though unwilling, he decides to leave the room to fetch the towel, but not before giving his lover another glance.
In a short time, it takes to return to their room, Kim Dokja has woken up from his short faint. He feels relief welled up inside of his heart and he is about to hug his husband when he noticed how distant Kim Dokja gaze is.
The smaller male is looking at the window, but his eyes are empty as if he just happened to look outside before he got lost in his thought.
Concerned, Yoo Joonghyuk approaches Kim Dokja carefully.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks quietly, while he gently placed the white towel he was holding on the smaller man’s head.
“Why did you not tell me?” is Kim Dokja reply, he does not remove his eyes from the window.
An ill premonition enters Yoo Joonghyuk’s mind, ‘could it be?’ he thinks.
Kim Dokja does not mind his lack of answer and simply continues his words.
“Why does no one tell me that I am the Oldest Dream?”
Then he turns to face Yoo Joonghyuk and his left-hand moves to stroke Joonghyuk’s cheek,
“Tell me, my dear husband, are you also a dream?” Joonghyuk could hear the quaver in Kim Dokja’s voice, as a single tear rolled down his pale cheek.
“Tell me! Did I make you up too!” Kim Dokja raises his voice at Yoo Joonghyuk’s silence, his hand that was caressing Joonghyuk’s cheek turns into a ball that repeatedly hit his chest.
“Hey Yoo Joonghyuk say-”
“You were the oldest dream, now you are just Kim Dokja,” finally he finds his voice again, his surprise from Kim Dokja’s outburst made him forgot how to speak for a few seconds.
He sees some of the fight leaving Kim Dokja’s body and the hand pounding at his chest also loses some of their initial vigours.
“Why did you not tell me? Do you think I would be happy living the rest of my life in ignorance of what I did?”
When Joonghyuk hears how heartbroken was the voice that said those words, he feels pain in his own heart. So, he said the words that he knows are true.
“It’s not your fault. He was a part of you, but he was not you. And that child… he was just trying to survive, he did not know what he could do,” he said with certainty.
But Kim Dokja is not convinced and Joonghyuk watches him shakes his head, as if unsure what to believe.
“I’m sorry but let me think by myself,” Kim Dokja tells him.
Truth to be told Yoo Joonghyuk does not want to leave the other man alone, he knows how much self-loathing Kim Dokja hides inside of him. But the guilt gnaws at him, at the end of the day he did hide this truth from him.
“Please, just… just don’t hurt yourself” he begs the other man, as he strokes Kim Dokja’s head one more time, before following his request.
…
After he gets out of the room, he sits on one of the plush sofas in the living room before letting his own thought runs free.
It would be a lie if Yoo Joonghyuk says that he never considered what Kim Dokja’s said before. In fact, they were the most common idea that his mind likes to toy with.
What if this is nothing but a wishful dream of the Oldest Dream? What if their happy ending is just an imagination of a lost man that desires a good life? What if when Yoo Joonghyuk opens his eyes he wakes up to darkness and there is no Kim Dokja?
These insecurities and doubts too, exists inside Joonghyuk, that is why he could not answer Kim Dokja’s barrage of questions before, as he did not either what is the real truth.
But then every time he starts to overthink, a part of his brain would remind him.
‘So, what if this is a dream?’
From the beginning, this world exists because of the Oldest Dream’s dream. There is no difference between now and before, they had and have always been living inside a reality made of a dream.
But the people that live in this world are real and each having their own feeling, they are not simply puppets on a string.
Joonghyuk can say with absolute certainty that his love for Kim Dokja is not just a fragment of imagination, it is real, and he better proves that to his husband.
With a new determination in mind, Joonghyuk ends his moping and stands back up. He glances at the clock and decides that he would let his lover sort his thought for a few minutes longer, enough for him to finish cooking their breakfast. His goal today is to let his Kim Dokja knows how genuine his love for him is.
…
Kim Dokja favourite food is Murim Dumplings with chicken broth, the same one as him. Luckily for him, they had just made a batch together yesterday and there are still enough for them both in the freezer. When he opened the dumpling container, a smile bloom at the memory of yesterday.
Kim Dokja inexperienced and clumsy hand had tried to form a heart-shaped dumpling, only for it to end up looking like a deformed triangle. His husband had looked dejected after the failure so Joonghyuk had taken up his place and made a few of them himself. He also touched up the failed product, making it resembles the love symbol more.
‘The reward kisses worth the extra effort’ he remembers fondly as he looks at the result of yesterday’s work. He pours water to fill a large pot and set the stove to its highest before he leaves to chop some spring onion while waiting for the water to boil. He wants to make seaweed soup to go along with the dumpling.
He places the pre-freeze chicken broth into a saucepan, before putting the dried seaweed and tofu inside. Then he adds a few shakes of salt and paper, before turning the heat to the lowest and let the ingredients simmer for a few minutes.
He saw the water he had left before is already boiled, so he places a bamboo steamer on top, before placing four- no five pieces of dumplings inside. Four is considered as bad luck and Joonghyuk would not let even the smallest chance of misfortune to enter their house this morning.
Once all the dishes have been cooked, he brings them to their dining table before arranging them. He plates the dumplings inside a wooden basket that his husband had insisted to buy because ‘it looks so cute’. He also places their favourite teapot and the accompanying teacups on a coaster in the middle of the table.
Then he poured the soup into the modernly glazed ceramic bowl they receive from Persephone as their wedding gift that Kim Dokja adores; he often used them on days that felt especially special for him. He adds a tablespoon of sesame oil before sprinkling his previously cut spring onion as a garnish.
When he looks at his finish work, he feels an unusual sense of pride with how well he arranges their breakfast and he was about to take a snap of them when he hears the door from the bedroom opens.
While his phone is emitting an untimely flash, he is locked into a staring contest with Kim Dokja.
He saw his husband’s eyes flickers left and right between the dining table and Yoo Joonghyuk before amusement takes place inside of them where there were only dark clouds previously. It is indeed unusual for him to take picture like this.
Not embarrassed at being caught, Joonghyuk eyes instead fell on Kim Dokja’s appearance, it seems that his husband has just finished showering. His hair is still damp and judging from how disheveled it is, the owner must be rubbing it furiously before. His pale skin that peeks underneath his oversized shirt is tinted pink, it must be from the overly warm shower that he adores. He looks like an adorable cat, albeit a sad one.
While some of his gloomy aurae has dissipated, his husband still refused to say anything. Instead, he walks straight towards to the dining table and sits on his usual chair, before quietly finishing the meal Joonghyuk prepared.
Once he has finished eating, he carefully picks up his used utensils and dishes, before walking towards the kitchen to wash them. Joonghyuk mentally praises at how the male remembers his share of household chores even when he is feeling down.
When he is done, he walks back to their living room before plopping his body ungraciously on the couch and turns the TV into a random music channel, all the while not uttering even a single word.
Yoo Joonghyuk gazes sadly at the back of the other male, he knew that he must be the first person to break this silence. He lets out a helpless sigh, but he too quickly finishes his meal and clears up the dining area.
After that he walks up in front of his husband, not minding the man’s ‘you’re blocking my view’ look of protest. The sound coming out from the TV was in Chinese and last time Joonghyuk checked, Kim Dokja does not speak Chinese.
He kneeled on the carpeted floor to adjust his height and cradled Kim Dokja’s right hand close to his heart as if it was the most precious treasure. And it maybe is for Joonghyuk.
“I’m sorry for not telling you the truth,” he begins.
“I had selfishly decided that you will be happier if you never know and not taking into account how you would feel. I thought I could protect you like that, but the truth is I’m just a coward”
He takes a deep breath before continuing,
“I’m scared that our happy days would end if you know and the thought of you leaving, terrifies me, but you should know that my feeling for you is not just your imagination”
“It is real, in this life you are the only person I love and that would never change. I will never let your hands go, do you remember that I have promised to always accompany you and it will remain true as long as I’m still alive”
“So please… don’t hate yourself. Don’t be angry and sad on your own, you can share them with me,” this is the second time he was begging today, and this is also probably the longest he has ever spoken in his life.
He stares deeply into Kim Dokja’s eyes, gaze full of sincerity and loves only for the man in front of him.
“I- I…” Kim Dokja is unable to form a proper word as he stuttered and Yoo Joonghyuk heart aches at the sight. He partially stood up, before enveloping the frail trembling body in his arms, letting tears soak his clothed shoulders.
‘You are safe here, I’m not going anywhere’ he tried to convey the message using his embrace.
Only when the tremor from the other’s male has subsided, that he loosens up his hold so that he could look at Kim Dokja’s face. He brushes a stray tear from those mesmerizing brown eyes before he asks,
“Do you feel better now?”
The other man does not verbally reply at his question, but he sees him nodded.
“Can I say one more thing?” and he receives another nod as an answer.
“I think a dream where you cannot wake up is a reality. So, we are real Dokja,” he tells the other man with strict sincerity.
“I- yeah I believe you” Kim Dokja finally says something, he looks like he is not done with his words so Joonghyuk remains silent as a sign to let his lover continue.
“I was quite shocked when I first received the memory, but when I had calmed down, I had thought of something similar to the one you said” he continues.
“There might still be more things I would remember, but you will be beside me when it happens right?” Kim Dokja asks him, his eyes looking for reassurance from Yoo Joonghyuk.
“I will never leave you alone,” he promises without any hesitation.
“Thank you” Kim Dokja gives him a weak but genuine smile.
“No need, it’s my pleasure” and Yoo Joonghyuk means it, there is nothing that would make him happier than to accompany Kim Dokja for the rest of his life.
“Mmm… now, shall we have a dance?” the cheerful smile that he loves returned on his husband’s face and for a second Joonghyuk feels blinded as if he is currently staring at the sun itself.
Kim Dokja’s words, however, makes him blinked in confusion.
Seeing the lack of reply, Kim Dokja repeats his words.
“Joonghyuk-ah, dance with me!”
Kim Dokja then stood up, half of his body is still inside Yoo Joonghyuk’s embrace, prompting him to also stands up. As if on cue, a singer started to sing in the forgotten television and a sweet melody flowed into the room. They did not get to dance during their wedding day as they were in a rush… for something else-
Kim Dokja hums to the music and urges Yoo Joonghyuk to move along with him. Yoo Joonghyuk, who has just realized that Kim Dokja is serious about his request, moved his arms towards the man’s waist before gently leading their dance.
Kim Dokja laughs in surprised at the action, Yoo Joonghyuk really never fails to impress.
“Wow! You are so good at dancing, I slightly regret that we did not do this on our wedding day”
“You regret it?” Yoo Joonghyuk asks, as he silently curses at his impatience that day in his head.
“Only a little though, the private after-party was much more fantastic” as if he could sense Joonghyuk’s worry Kim Dokja reassured him, followed by a teasing wink at the end of his sentence.
“Hmm,” he merely hums at the misplaced praise, but he could feel his ears heated up.
Seeing this Kim Dokja laughed merrily at the air, the sound reminds him of a tinkling bell on a hilltop; they both made him feels peace as if everything in the world is right again.
“You’re also good at cooking and of course you’re very handsome, I cannot compare with you. Joonghyuk-ah, you’re too good for me” Kim Dokja then jokingly laments, as he continues to follow Yoo Joonghyuk’s lead.
“There is no need” Yoo Joonghyuk replies with an unexpectedly loud-voice, surprising Kim Dokja and causing him to lose balance.
‘Ahh!’
Yoo Joonghyuk smoothly catches Kim Dokja body, even turning it into a dip and he locks his besotted eyes with Kim Dokja’s.
“You are the only one for me. My heart only beats for you” Yoo Joonghyuk continues naturally as if he is talking about how the sun rises in the east and sets in the west and not about his feeling.
Hearing the honest confession, Kim Dokja flushes, and he could feel the heat creeping on his face. He buries his face on Yoo Joonghyuk chest, this close he could hear the heartbeat of Yoo Joonghyuk.
‘Thump, thump, thump’ contrary to his neutral face Yoo Joonghyuk’s heart beats loudly, Kim Dokja’s is sure that his is doing the same.
“Are you feeling shy?” Yoo Joonghyuk teases the usually shameless man in his arms.
“Shut up. Just… just continue dancing” Kim Dokja retaliates without any heat, he is sure his face must be as red as a tomato by now.
Yoo Joonghyuk could not help the chuckle that escapes him, ‘ahh his husband is so adorable’ he thinks.
“Yes, your majesty” seeing how uncharacteristically bashful Kim Dokja is, he decides to have mercy and stop teasing the smaller man.
The married pair resumes their paused dance,
One, two, three
Left, right, left
A twirl which Kim Dokja happily turns and then,
“I love you” Yoo Joonghyuk whispers, eyes full of adoration for the man in his arms.
Kim Dokja smiles at the confession, the sunlight filtering in from the window forms a golden halo on his head and there are stars dancing in his eyes.
Suddenly, Yoo Joonghyuk feels breathless. He feels powerless in front of the ethereal sight, yet at the same time, he thinks he could fight anything in the universe if it were for Kim Dokja.
“I love you too,” Kim Dokja replies without missing a beat and Yoo Joonghyuk could see the warmth, affection and tenderness reflected in his eyes. At that moment, Yoo Joonghyuk knew that he must be the luckiest man alive. Nobody could compare to this otherworldly man and this man is his.
His partner.
His husband.
His life and death companion.
Yoo Joonghyuk bends down and as if reading his mind his husband tilts his face upward and their lips meet in the middle. Their kisses are always perfect, Kim Dokja’s lips always slot perfectly into his, as if they are made for each other.
There is no lust behind their kiss, there are only pure affection and chaste love shared between them. With the two lost in affection for one another, only the serene love song could be heard inside the room.
~ Moon sets stars sink under the deep twilight
Secret path engraved with traces of our loves
You said, ‘for a lifetime’ and I agree with default
We crossed our fingers under this moonlight
Like a melodious love song from afar
Witnessing the sweet moment
I finally danced in your arms
No longer afraid of growing old ~
.
.
.
[On a sunny day
Behind a closed door
A pair of lover dance to a love song
Unbothered by the world
They dance till the music end,
then even after
Until they are satisfied
Basking in each other embrace
Only then they stopped dancing
Only then they carry on with their day
There is no rush in their movement
After all, they have all the time in the world]
-FIN-