Archive of Our Own

Touya finds it increasingly hard to remember Keigo’s smile. His genuine, happy smile. The ones he’d save for only Touya when he’d be sprawled across his stomach playing some random game that came out a week ago. The soft quirk of his lip. The happy aura that came with him . 

Touya finds it increasingly hard to remember Keigo upset. The tears that spilt over the marks on the edges of his eyes. The blur of the beautiful gold that makes him stand out from the rest. 

Touya also finds it increasingly hard to remember Keigo’s laugh. His happy laugh, sad laugh, his sarcastic laugh. The song of his voice when he’d find something funny is something Touya’s soul misses like it’s a part of himself. 

In fact, Touya finds it increasingly hard to remember anything about Keigo that isn’t tense and strained. His smile is pulled taut, sharp and thin. His eyes are dark, blurred. He’s not focused and it hurts Touya to see Keigo’s soul being pulled out of his body right before him. 

So he promises himself, when he sees that slight crack in Keigo’s mask deepen, he’ll remember it. Remind himself that Keigo’s real and human , that he’s got to have flaws too, right?

But what he didn’t expect is to be unveiled to the side Keigo thinks he’s been hiding for so, so long.

~*~

Exams are nearing and Touya’s patience is pulled thin . He can’t tolerate anything. The brush of his bangs on his forehead nearly sends him into a full blown panic until he can find a hairband to push his hair back. 

If he’s faring this awfully, how’s Keigo doing?

It’s like Touya’s brain is wired to know when Keigo’s down. His hands move on their own as he tugs his jacket and boots on, grabbing an umbrella from his closet as a second thought as he hears the rain begin to pour. 

Something in his heart is tugging at him to walk faster, his brain crosses it out as irrational. He’s conflicted. He walks faster. 

His feet move at a pace faster than his brain can comprehend. He knows he’s panting, he knows he’s being unreasonable. Running to Keigo’s place won’t calm his anxiety, and if anything, he knows it’s boosting it.

He doesn’t slow his pace. 

Mud splashes all over his boots, the puddles are increasing by the minute and he knows his sweatpants will be soaked by the time he reaches Keigo’s house. The umbrella that was held in his hand is slipping from his grip.

It’s only a few blocks away, now. Running definitely helped. 

Touya squints at the distance between him and Keigo’s house, tip-toeing so he can peer over the trees and see if the lights are on. 

They aren’t.

He resists the urge to jam his hands into his pockets, but his brain wins. And then he comes to the sudden realization that he forgot his phone at home. 

Touya lets out a heavy sigh, lowers his umbrella, and stares at the sky. It’s cleared up quite a bit, except for the occasional raindrops falling onto his face.

He continues walking until he reaches Keigo’s house.

The brick wall’s turned a dark maroon from its bright red because of the rain, remains of chalk on his driveway are washed out, the pink finding its way to the side-walk. It reminds Touya of Toga, and he wonders if she gave Keigo a visit.

Slowly, he makes his way up the staircase, giving the door a soft knock. 

One . No answer. Two . No answer. Three . A loud bang! And then he decides to open the door with the spare Keigo gave him when they became friends.

“Listen,” he said, “I’m an idiot. I forget shit all the time, man. I’m gonna need you to remind me, sometimes, that I’m not the only person in the world.” He rubbed his neck and let out an awkward huff of air. He retrieved a small piece of metal and dropped it in Touya’s hand. 

“For good luck? I think.”

At the time, Touya had no idea what he was talking about. He still doesn’t. But Keigo’s tone, the pitch of his voice, the hesitating tremble of his hand when he dropped the key in Touya’s fingers. That’s what he remembers. 

He still can’t get his head around the fact that Keigo gave him the key to his house . 

He knocks the door open with his hip and calls out Keigo’s name tentatively. “Keigo?” 

The house looks like shit. The only light Touya can see is coming from underneath Usagiyama’s door, and across from it, Keigo’s room. 

“Keigo.” He drawls as he steps over instant noodle cups, dirty laundry, crumpled paper, you name it. 

It seems like ages until he reaches Keigo’s door. It’s shut. Touya knocks once, twice, thrice, for good measure. It’s when he gets no response except for a weak cough that his polite resolve breaks and he kicks the door open with no mercy.

It’s stale. The whole aura radiates grey without saying anything at all. Keigo’s passed out on his desk, the floor is littered with plastic wrap and crumpled, lined paper. The windows are shut and the laptop Keigo was working on is about to topple off the desk. The only thing that looks neat is Keigo’s bed, but it’s like it wasn’t touched in, well, weeks .

Touya’s hands twitch when he sees Keigo’s face, all blotchy and red, his signature eyeliner smudged to his cheekbones. His hair’s all matted and ratty. Touya can feel his heart clench, and it hurts, physically, to see this peppy asshole all… humbled.

That’s not how he wanted it to go.

He sniffs in the air and it’s like his lungs say no . Taking a quick glance around Keigo’s room, Touya finds a singular scented candle. Lemon. He lights it with the lighter he keeps in his pocket, despite knowing that Keigo hates the smell of citrus. 

He opens the blinds, pushes aside paper and plastic with his feet until there’s some space for him to walk without stepping on something. The light from the windows filters in and Keigo shifts in his spot on the desk with a low whine. Raspy. Tired .

Touya kicks the leg of the chair and pulls on a few strands of his hair to get his attention.

“You.” 

His eyes flutter awake, the gold is blurred and unfocused. Like he isn’t on the same plane as Touya. Like they’re separated and they can’t even see it. 

His lips open and close, and do it several more times before he coughs directly on Touya’s face.

With a roll of his eyes, he turns around to get a glass of water, and a couple of tissues for good measure. With just a look around their house, he’s ninety-nine per cent sure Keigo hasn’t taken a break at all .

When he returns, Keigo’s moved his laptop onto his desk and resumed his typing with no abandon to his health. His nails are dried and bloody, the bad habit of biting them off returned with the stress that’s weighing him down.

He racks his brain for any answer to why he would be like this. He knows he was here to check up on Keigo because he was restless because of exams. He never expected Keigo to be weighed down with stress too. 

It’s the first time he’s seen him like this since he was, well, young . Tears caught on the tips of Touya’s finger when Keigo couldn’t find Touya’s lost cat. Trembling lips when he scraped his knee a little too much it bled. Shaky fingers after presentations.

Frowns when a test didn’t go his way. 

Ah, okay. Touya thinks he knows what’s going on. 

Touya knows that over the years, the frown developed into furrowed eyebrows, tears, isolating himself until he could get it right. 

Touya knows that Keigo’s harshest critic is himself. 

Keigo shifts in his seat and it squeaks. Touya inches closer to his desk and places the water on one of the coasters he found in the cupboard.

Keigo eyes the glass of water, looks at Touya, and then squints at the screen and continues typing. 

Touya sighs, he hasn’t given up, but he knows it’s null if Keigo isn’t going to give all of his attention onto him rather than the computer. He stalks around the room, his socks are soaked and his fingers are pruny now that he’s paying attention to himself. He tosses his socks in the wash along with Keigo’s dirty clothes that are thrown about the house (and maybe a few of Usagiyama’s).

He takes further time tidying the room, picking up papers from under Keigo’s bed, straightening them out and placing them on the edge of his bed when he notices one of them is torn to shreds, the only thing that he can make out is a bright red signature and the smudge of a pencil. 

He’s intrigued, so he goes through the pile he just made while Keigo’s still sucked into his… Work. Of sorts.

About less than half of them have the bright red signature, which Touya finds out, is Keigo’s grade on said sheet. To say he was surprised is an understatement. 

Keigo never fails. It’s something that comes to Touya as common sense. 

But to see him so beaten up over just a handful of tests scares Touya. Because this has never happened before. Because this has never happened to Keigo before.

It’s something akin to an inane thought, thinking that Keigo failed is an inane thought. Thinking that Keigo failed is thinking that Keigo is a failure. 

And Touya bets that’s what Keigo feels at this exact moment.

“Keigo.” 

Click. Click. Click.

The sound of his typing is almost ominous, and it’s like he knows what’s coming despite the fact that Touya doesn’t. 

It sets in red. Crimson. The lights seem to change from a light yellow, a tinge of blue, to stark red. And then it’s gone in a blink. Keigo’s chair is turned around and once he sees what Touya’s holding his eyes go wide and his posture turns tense. 

Like he’s waiting for something to happen.

Like he’s waiting for a beating.

“Takami.”

The string pulled taut . The string that’s Keigo as a whole, snaps. Hard .

“I didn’t do it, no it wasn’t me, not mine . It’s old. It’s not mine, I-”, Keigo babbles, his hand stretches out to grasp the papers Touya’s clutching to his chest as he takes one, two,three  steps back. 

“No, please, Touy-”

The fourth step back, his shins hit the garbage can. He kicks it so it’s beside him and he dumps the stack of papers inside.

“Keigo.”

Keigo’s mouth snaps shut.

He walks towards him and he can feel the air tense . The atmosphere’s dense but the air is thin and it makes it hard for Touya to take in a proper breath of air but he keeps going .

Keigo’s something alike to a bird trapped in a cage. The iron of the bars that hold him back are far too much for the strength he thinks he lacks. 

Touya wishes Keigo could see what he sees right now. 

Because even though, Keigo, as disheveled as he is, seems to think that whatever his brain provides him right now is correct , Touya knows better.

He crouches to Keigo’s level, and the tears that were pooling in his eyes fall one after the other until they all blend together. He catches them. Each and every one. 

The tears that blend in the gold of Keigo’s eyes clash so much , it sends a sharp pang straight to Touya’s heart. It stings, like salt on a fresh wound. He hasn’t had time to heal and Keigo’s sending attack after attack after attack. If it makes Keigo feel better, he’ll deal with it.

If it makes Keigo feel better, Touya will learn how to carry the pain that he can’t bear.

He strokes his hair, and Keigo’s shoulders start shaking. The sobs are silent , he hasn’t spoken since Touya dropped his tests in the trash and it frightens Touya that his tears come with no noise. No burden . 

The phantom silence of Keigo’s weeping wafts around the house and goosebumps crawl up Touya’s arms. It’s haunted.

“Speak. Keigo speak .” He whispers. “Please. For me.” 

Keigo hiccups and ducks his head. The crook of his neck collected all the tears Touya missed and he wipes those away too. He places two fingers under his jaw and tilts it up, oh so slightly, and it shatters his heart all over again to see Keigo’s face.

“The tests weren’t bad. You did good.”

He ducks his head again and shakes his head.

Speak. Touya wants to beg Keigo to open up. Tell him what’s wrong, show him your woes, show him who you are.

He’s borderline desperate. His body’s about to snap because he hasn’t been sleeping, he hasn’t taken a break and he isn’t ready to deal with this right now. 

All he needs is for Keigo to be honest. To accept that his grades are fine. 

“They were good . You did so good. You did great.” 

Keigo shakes his head again and his shoulders shake harder, his face is buried into Touya’s stomach and Touya clenches his jaw.

He doesn’t know how to feel.

“Keigo-” 

“Listen.” His voice is nasally and rough. He coughs to clear his throat and lifts his head to look up at Touya’s face. 

Keigo’s eyes are unreadable.

“Stop lying. Please. You can read. Right?” He jerks his head towards the trash can. “Then fucking act like it. Read the numbers and tell me I did okay.”

Touya’s at a loss. His tongue is tied out of fatigue and the words that would roll out of his mouth so easily are choking him. The soft nothing’s he’d whisper like a second language into Keigo’s ears sound like a foreign language.

Touya, for the first time in his life, is speechless. 

Keigo squeezes his eyes closed and clenches his jaw.

“Leave.” 

“Keigo-”

“ Touya . We both have exams. We’re both tired as fuck, man. What do you want?” 

Why are you here , goes unsaid. Because they both know why he’s here. But at this point, Touya’s forgotten the whole point of his visit. He feels like a stranger in the place he once called home.

“What’s going on?” Touya asks, the sound of his voice is feather light. It sounds like he’s the one that’s about to crumble.

“What’s going on?” 

Touya’s eyes flitter around Keigo’s face as it goes through a series of emotions. 

“Help me understand.” 

“It’s- it’s stupid. You know. School shit. Teacher sucks ass and I can’t get my grades up and my GPA is going to be affected but it’s okay because somehow I’ll manage to fix it, right?” He looks at Touya and his lip wobbles. “Right?” 

Touya scrambles for the right sentence but his brain is full with law and words that don’t relate to this situation at all.

“I’ll fix it. I will. I will, because I can’t fail. I won’t fail.” Keigo presses the heel of his palm into his eyes. His voice cracks when he says, “I’m not allowed to fail. And if I do, what happens?” 

What happens?

A question Touya doesn’t have the answer to.

“It’s stupid. I know, I know, I don’t need people to tell me I’m overreacting,” he chokes on his words but continues, “ because I know . But- he- I can’t learn like that. I can’t , he just makes it so hard, so hard to fucking- I-”, Keigo’s tears start falling anew, like he never stopped. 

“I know you don’t understand. It’s-”

“-like he makes it impossible to learn. Right?” 

“Touya..-” 

“No, Keigo. I understand.” He takes Keigo’s hands lightly in his own, peeling them away from the other’s eyes so he can rub the soft skin of his palms. 

Show him your love.  

Words mean nothing to Keigo, but actions - it’s like a simple action can make a grown man crumble into pieces. 

It’s like a simple action can make Keigo crumble into pieces. 

Keigo buries his head into the crook of Touya’s neck and sniffs. If Touya wasn’t tired down to his bones he’d swear that he felt Keigo’s lips give a light kiss at the junction of his neck. Shivers travel up his arms.

Touya’s arms move up and down Keigo’s back softly, till his breathing is smooth and calm. The hiccups and sobs falling into soft snores and light sniffles. It makes Touya smile, knowing he has some sort of effect on Keigo. A good one at that. 

He knows what’s stressing him out now, if anything, Touya feels lighter, a little pulled taut, sure. But now he knows what he can possibly do instead of only assuring Keigo that he’s done well. 

He practically carries Keigo to bed. Bridal style. He regrets it because Keigo’s heavy as fuck, but he wishes he had a camera to capture the look on his face. Restful . 

He’ll be here when he wakes.

Words mean nothing . 

But actions mean the world.

~*~

The sun’s burning Touya’s skin. 

A week after exams and Touya’s skin finally gets the sun it needs. He feels like the heat is travelling through the layers of his skin till it hits his bones. Bright, red, hot . 

He continues walking. He could’ve taken his car, on a second thought, but he bets the inside of it is steaming hot and the leather of his seat could’ve burnt the skin that’s not covered by his shorts. 

He’s already more than half way there, Touya thinks. No point in going back now.

He’s convinced that walking was a bad decision. The booming trill of the cicadas makes his head spin and the humidity makes the hair on his leg stand and it’s uncomfortable . He doesn’t know why he left the house.

The walk there isn’t very long. Touya takes a few cuts through the neighbourhood. One straight through a park. The children’s eyes widened as he cut through, and Touya regrets doing so. If he’s going to work with kids in the future, he’d need to change how he looked. But how do you change something that’s been with you all your life?

The second cut went from the back alley of a flower shop. He stopped by and waved Usagiyama as she tossed him a single red rose. He twiddles with the stem as he leaves the store.

The third cut was through Keigo’s neighbourhood. His steps faltered as soon as his feet hits the concrete outside his house. If Touya hadn’t dragged his feet out of the area, he’s sure he would’ve found his way into Keigo’s home. Into his bed. His arms . 

The final cut is through an old skate park. The dust has settled onto the railings. Touya drags his fingers across the cold, old metal of the polls and kicks the crumbling concrete. His eyes catch on a wall that’s bombarded with graffiti. 

Breathe . 

It’s covered with blue. 

Touya shakes his head and hops over the metal bars covered with chains that hold the memories of the skate park down.

Over the concrete walls and slopes, he can make out the green grass of the area he’s been avoiding since he was a child. The sun shines in his eyes and the glare makes it nearly impossible to find his way over to the front gate. 

But he does. 

Touya trips over uneven ground as soon as he steps foot within the cemetery. Part of him thinks he should leave, obviously having tripped over the words he failed to say in the past.

But part of him wants to… be free of what had chained him down for so long. The years of his childhood spent using his freetime trying to undo what he hadn’t done in the first place. The words he’d never said, the accusations , tied tight around his neck like a noose. 

He wants it gone.

Touya could do anything other than what he’s about to do. His feet stutter on the pebbled pathway and the fingers that grasp the flower are tempted to drop it. Step on it. Grind it into the ground . 

How cliche is this? Touya laughs. A 20 something year old man standing in the middle of a cemetery deciding whether or not he should talk to his dead mom.  

Pathetic.

It’s not like she’ll call him on the phone now.

His voice is raspy when he clears his throat. He fixes his collar and pulls his shirt down. Tugs his shorts up and runs a sweaty hand through his hair. 

He’s acting like a child about to confess to their mother .

But isn’t that what he’s doing?

Isn’t that what he’s about to do?

He blinks once, twice, and is about to once more when he registers a head of blonde standing right where Rei’s grave is supposed to be.

Touya is more than confused.

No one other than him should be here. They shouldn’t. He made sure of it . 

Natsuo’s in Japan with Fuyumi, and Shoto should be in school right now.

Regardless, unless anyone in his family decided to have their rebellious phase and dye their hair like his, no one in their family is blond.

In fact, he only knows one. 

Keigo . 

Touya steps a little bit closer and brings his hands up to his chest, unconsciously tugging at the petals of the bright red rose. A petal falls on the floor.

He’s close enough to hear what Keigo’s saying. 

“You know. I feel like maybe, if i’d known you earlier. I wouldn’t have been… like. This. You know? Messy.” He gestures to himself wildly, while crouching down to get closer to Rei’s grave.

“But you cleaned up my messes anyway.” 

Touya steps closer. His feet kick a rock on the pathway and he jumps to hide behind the trees near by the gate. 

He’s close enough to hear the cracks in Keigo’s voice.

“You were… something equivalent to a defacto mom. Maybe more. It’s not like I ever knew anything.” He sniffs and wipes at his eyes messily with one hand while the other balances him on the ground.

“I’m sorry.” His voice breaks. Hard . Like glass that was cracked, and shattered upon impact. Broken . 

“I’m sorry you got me too. You didn’t need me along with everyone else- shit.” He chokes on his words and buries his face in his knees. Touya sees his back shake with every sob that exits his body. He wants to, so desperately, come out of where he’s hiding only to take Keigo in his arms.

He doesn’t.

“It was nice. To. You know. Eat your cooking or… talk. You had a very nice voice.” He sniffs. “I’ll never be able to hear it again, though.” 

Touya remembers all the voicemails, facetimes, phonecalls that he missed. That he could’ve used to get closer to his mother. The one that Keigo so dearly yearns for.

He feels… guilty. 

“I wish I could’ve talked to you more when I was younger. I’ve said it all before. I’ll keep saying it.

I’ve never had anyone else to say it to.”

He fidgets with the laces on his shoes and laughs softly. “I miss everything. Me, you, Fuyumi, Shoto, Natsuo. Touya.”

The voice he speaks with is heavy with yearn yearn yearn . Dense. He feels like he can grab and hold the memories that Keigo holds so dearly. 

The whole conversation is so obviously not meant for his ears, but the memories spoken seem like they were exposed to see exactly what Touya would do with them.

Will you forget, or will you keep them close like Keigo has?

Tear himself away from the past, or to make something new with it?

All he’s seen is destruction. Is it so bad that Touya wants to keep what piece he’s gained?

But he knows Keigo isn’t here just to speak to his mother. Touya knows that he’s been ignoring his since… forever. 

But why?

The two of them died not far apart, yet Keigo seems more attached to his mom more than he is. 

“My mom’s anniversary is today.”

Touya peeks closer.

“The one for her death.”

Ah , there it is. Touya closes his eyes and counts to four, taking deep breaths. A couple more petals fall on the ground. 

“And. I don’t know how to feel. Because she’s my mom, but you were too? More? Of a mom. I liked.” Deep , shaky, rattling breaths. “You treated me like a child more than she did. In the best way possible.”

Touya can feel the ghost of his mother’s embrace on his shoulders and a whole body shudder runs through him. Another petal falls.

“I know. I know . I should be at her grave. It’s right there, I don’t like it. But… I feel like. You’re a mother that deserves to be grieved for.”

Keigo stands from where he was kneeling and adjusts the bouquet placed at the head. He dusts his knees, wipes his nose with his sleeve, and slumps his way towards the gate. When Touya looks at the ground to see the amount of petals he’d dropped, Keigo had already disappeared.

He feels like he can’t talk.

Memories of the past swirl around the graveyard and Touya’s collar suddenly feels like something akin to the noose of his childhood.

He doesn’t know if it’s the sun or the dense humidity that’s choking Touya, but all he knows is that he can’t breathe . He can’t speak, can’t move, can’t-

He looks down and the first thing he sees is a pool of red petals that look too much like crimson, dripping blood. He shakes his head and wipes his hands on his shorts. It’s not on him.

He walks towards the headstone and lowers his head.

I’m sorry. I wish I could speak to you.

He squeezes his eyes shut tight. 

Turns out I’m more of a coward than I thought I was.

I haven’t changed at all since I was a child. I could’ve cherished the memories we had instead of burning them to the ground.

Touya widens his eyes and stares at the name on the headstone. His brain has gone into fight or flight mode and he wills himself to change the name on the headstone. 

It’s not his moms , it’s not his moms . It doesn’t say Rei Todoroki. It does not say Todoroki. 

He wipes his eyes. It says Rei Todoroki. 

Tears start to fall anew from his eyes. Blue eyes bleed tears of sorrow and his mind replays the memories he so hardly tried to suppress. They fall like loose petals on a flower, one graze and he completely crumbles. 

It’s hard for his thoughts to stray away from his mother. Because once they do, they find their way to Keigo and latch onto it like a lifeline. Like comfort .

Solace is a fickle feeling. Think too hard and it slips through your hands like sand. But when he thinks of Keigo- those golden eyes of his that match his hair, his smile. He feels like maybe, maybe , he could feel like he’s part of himself for longer than five minutes. 

Touya looks at the sky and heaves out a deep, heavy breath. 

I’m sorry.

“ I’m sorry , mom.”

I wish I could’ve been better for you . 

When he leaves, the headstone is set with a bouquet of flowers and a single rose. 

All the petals are gone.

~*~

Touya’s walking side by side with Keigo. 

Regrettably, he admits that they do fit like puzzle pieces. Black and blond, about the same height. Though, he won’t stop teasing Keigo about the two inch difference.

It feels… Nice, even. It’s a guilty pleasure looking at Keigo’s face when he chatters about his classes. The words slip through his ears and out the other, but the look on his face is something he’ll remember forever. 

“Touya?”

Touya kicks a pebble on the sidewalk and looks at Keigo. His eyes are wide and his cheeks are red. The fog is settling in and baby snowflakes are falling so lightly he can barely see them. It’s ethereal, almost. 

“Yeah?” 

Keigo hums and continues walking, burying his face into the collar of his cable-knit sweater, a slight pep in his step. 

Touya would be a fool to think that Keigo isn’t in a good mood. 

His eyebrows are raised up slightly, his lips quirk up in a small smile. Sometimes . 

He wants… He wants Keigo to stay. Like this. Happy and by his side, not off being stupid, thinking stupid thoughts. Stupid, stupid, stupid . 

“Touya.”

Touya snaps out of his daydream and glances at Keigo. “Yeah. Yeah, hey.” He walks closer to him. 

Their arms are touching now. 

“What’s up?” 

Keigo hums and buries his face into his sweater. Again . 

The fog settles around them, a soft barrier between them and the world. Touya glances at Keigo’s eyes and feels himself, his soul , grounded. Safe. His fingers itch to hold onto some part of Keigo, for reassurance, more for himself than the other. He keeps them to his side.

They’ve known each other all their lives, Keigo makes him feel so…. Real . More than others. Toga, Shigaraki, they’ve been there for him. But not the way Keigo has… He’s been a constant all his life. 

Touya has been there for all of Keigo’s life, too. He knows how he looks when he’s about to break. 

The two of them break through the fog and find their way at the park about a five minutes walk from Keigo’s house. It’s isolated. Every other park Touya’s seen reeked of childhood memories he didn’t have… But this one is oddly comforting.

Keigo’s lip quirks up in a slight smirk and he bounces his way over to the slides with a quick, “catch me if you can, loser!”

Touya can’t back down from a challenge can he?

He chases Keigo around the park. The grass under his shoes feels lively and he feels free. His cheeks are red and his face hurts from all the smiling and his eyes have tears at the corner and he feels tired but in the best way possible.

Is this what it feels like to be a child? 

He peeks up at the grill that separates him and Keigo. He starts jumping up and down from above him and Touya races up the stairs to grab Keigo. He ends up being too slow, and Keigo slips down the slide as soon as Touya reaches the platform.

Touya goes down the other side of the double slide and pokes Keigo’s cheeks. “Fast?”

Keigo smiles cheekily, his lips wobble a bit but Touya blames that on the fact that his lips are chapped. “I am the Winged Hero: Hawks, of course. Humanity’s fastest.”

Touya lets out an unbelieving laugh and furrows his eyebrows. “Really? A play on an Attack On Titan quote?”

“Hah! You know me. Always… copying. Y’know.” 

Keigo’s tone dies down into something a bit more ominous. The air around him curdles into something more desperate. Hopeless.

Touya squints up at the sky. “Copying. Hm.”

The hopelessness fizzles into something more frigid. Piercing. Sharp, cutting anger and then it dies down into… understanding. 

Touya’s confused. 

“Yeah. I, um.” Keigo clicks his teeth against each other and the noise rattles in Touya’s head. Keigo lets out an awkward chuckle. “Yeah. I- Yeah.” 

He lets out a low whistle and slumps further into the wall. Had he read the atmosphere wrong? 

Were the dips in Keigo’s eyebrows disappointment?

Keigo lets out a short piercing squeak and clenches his fingers into the material of his jacket. Touya fiddles with his in response. 

“Keigo?”

“Yeah?

… 

“Speak.” 

For me , goes unsaid. Because what’s that gonna do?

Make him say something?

Keigo purses his lips. “I can’t.”

Touya’s eyebrows dip down and he leans forward and turns his head to look at Keigo. “What do you mean you can’t? You just did.”

“No- I mean, like. I can’t speak. I can’t. It won’t work. It doesn’t- like- I.” He breathes in deeply, squeezing his eyes shut. “I can never say what I mean. I can’t speak what I mean, what I want to say. All those times that I’ve… Choked. On my words. I couldn’t say what I wanted to. I can nev- never say what I mean.” 

Keigo presses the heels of his palms in his eyes and clenches his jaw, dipping his head down to have his elbows digging into his thighs. 

“I can never say what I mean. What I want to say. So… If I can’t say what I want to say, why speak at all?” He starts to shake from beside Touya. Touya feels hopeless. 

The wire of faith he had fractures and Touya feels himself falling deeper and deeper and deeper until he’s the one who can’t speak.

Touya’s been there for all of Keigo’s life, but it turns out he didn’t know Keigo as well as he thought he did.

The raise of his eyebrows were to widen his eyes, to prevent the tears from falling.

The slight quirk of his lip was his them trembling and not being able to do shit about it. 

When he buried his face into his sweater, he was trying to hide . He was cold, just not in the way Touya originally thought Keigo was.

He’d read Keigo completely wrong. He thought they were past this brainless misunderstanding. He thought that maybe he’d gotten in right this time. That maybe he’d find out the problem before it even happened.

If I can’t say what I want to say, why speak at all? 

The words circle around Touya’s head and drive him insane . It feels like a pestering fly that never leaves your room. He wants to flick it away.

“Touya. Touya. ”

“You…” 

“I’m sorry- I- I want to tell you. You don’t know how much I want to say something. But every time I try I fall further down the hole that I’m trapped in.”

Keigo looks up at Touya and a tear streams down his cheek. “Touya, I don’t want to try anymore.”

“No. No . No, Keigo-”

Touya’s mind is screaming and talking too fast for him to comprehend. 

“Sometimes, I think that I’m… Naive. Right? Gullible. Like, an idiot. You know? Is that the right word…?” He shakes his head and huffs out a laugh. “You know. I actually missed my mom. Around-- three months? Maybe?-- she’d died. 8 years ago. And then I made my way to her grave like a zombie. I felt like I was obeying her orders despite the fact that she’s been dead for almost a decade.” 

“You don’t owe her anything . Keigo-”

“Yeah, I know that. I know, I don’t give two shits about her. She’s dead and gone and I’ll never see her again and even though she was an absolute ass I’ll still miss her and I can’t figure out why . I never liked her, I loved her, maybe, a little bit. Because I had hoped that she’d change before it became permanent. Turns out that there was nothing to become permanent because she was always going to be like that.”

Touya’s eyes blur and he feels Keigo’s tether to the world begin to stray away. His hands stumble for purchase on the concrete even though he hasn’t moved in the past few minutes. He feels… Unreal. Fake, even. 

“I wish I never met her. I wish it was easy for me to know what’s going on. I wish I could understand words that I wish I could say. I wish for everything and yet I don’t get shit . What am I doing wrong?”

“... Is that why you were at my mother’s grave a few months back?”

“You saw?” Keigo’s eyes widen. Red rimmed and smudged eyeliner and everything. 

“Yeah.” Petals and roses and bouquets of flowers that Touya had no idea what meant. Words spoken so lowly yet so loud, words spoken that weren’t meant for his ears. 

Keigo’s eyes droop low and he lets out a low whine. “Did you hear anything?”

No, he wishes he didn’t . “Yes.” 

His eyes dart around the playground and he reaches out to touch Touya’s hand. It’s placed palm side down on the cold concrete of the night and he begins to trace out signs on top. It tickles Touya’s fingers and they twitch slightly. Keigo stops doing it as soon as he notices that reaction. 

He clears his throat. “What did you hear?” 

“... Everything. Almost. I didn’t know-”

“It’s fine because I didn’t know either. Wish I didn’t need to. Do anything. Want to do anything.

If I don’t say this now, I know I’ll never have the courage to look at your face anymore. I feel like that… maybe. If I tell you or someone, that it’ll manifest or something.” He lets out a light huff, more of a laugh than anything else. “I wish that your mom didn’t die.” 

Touya chokes.

“No- I know- that- you all weren’t. Close. Right? Yeah, that’s it. I mean, I get that. But, selfishly, I want her… living. She’d be better off not buried six feet under. I just want to see her again. She did so much for me and I did jackshit for her and it just nags at me everytime I walk past that graveyard and I just… wish I did something.”

He looks at the slides on the playground and Keigo’s eyes trace the shape. “I wish I could’ve done anything, honestly. Half the time I feel like I can’t even move - it- it sucks, you know?”

And Touya knows . He feels the same feeling Keigo’s describing right now. Hot, sticky, nagging. His feet feel like they’re stuck on the ground, his tongue feels like a rock and all the words he wishes to say feel like lead in his mouth.

He croaks out a weak, “yeah,” and lets Keigo continue. 

But he doesn’t say anything.

Keigo sniffs and wipes his nose with the sleeve of his sweater. The light of the moon is shining on the park but misses the mark on Keigo and Touya. The two of them are submerged in the dark in a shady corner of the park. 

The snow starts to fall heavier. Bigger pieces of snowflakes fall and Keigo sticks his tongue out to catch one on his tongue. It melts before it even touches the tip. 

It’s surreal. Fog, he can’t see. Snow, so vivid he feels like his eyes are actually working for once. Everything clashes so bad his head hurts, so he shuts his eyes and leans back. 

Keigo starts speaking once Touya’s gaze is off of him. “This is… A lot. Too much, actually. I’m sorry. Because this is all stupid and I’d hoped that I’d gotten over it but… everything just- it drags me. It’s like I don’t even have free will sometimes. Me and my brain are separate things almost. I wanna do one thing, I don’t  wanna do one thing, and my brain will just- force it into me, almost.”

“It’s fine- Keigo, you’re fine.”

It’s like he said the wrong thing, because Keigo’s eyes glaze over and he begins to stand up and fix his hair. 

He smiles loosely, “I might be, but it doesn’t feel like it. I just want it to be over, yeah?”

Touya’s eyes follow Keigo’s figure descending into the light fog surrounding the park. He disappears faster than the snowflake that falls on his hand can melt.

~*~

Touya’s laughing. Hard and heavy, heaving laughs that leave him panting for breath. His ribs squeeze in his chest and his whole being is scolding him to stop because it hurts but god does Touya find this situation amusing.

He was called in by Keigo’s teacher. Touya Todoroki , was called in by Keigo’s teacher. To pick him up. 

Touya thinks that it may be major, but from what the teacher sounded like, holding back a laugh, he thinks he might be reacting a bit too irrationally.

But when he reaches the school grounds, with Keigo’s face in his natural, childish angry pout, Touya’s face breaks into a huge smile and he practically tackles Keigo. 

“You dumbass . You absolute fool, what the fuck?”

Keigo rubs the back of his neck and looks at the floor. “I… fell. I think.”

Touya snorts and lifts Keigo’s left hand. “Huh. You think you fell. Seems about right.”

“I don’t think, you know that.” Keigo laughs too, and soon their both laughing and leaning on each other for support that both of them lack. 

The two begin walking towards the back gates of the school that leads them to the parking lot. The trail goes off in two directions, one to the parking lot and one to the fenced walkway to the dorms. 

They keep walking.

“It was an accident, I swear. I tripped over my shoelaces or something and before I knew it I ate shit. I’m surprised I didn’t chip a tooth or something. Kinda glad my hand took the whole of it.” He lifts his bandaged hand up loosely, dangling it back and forth before he winces and drops it to his side again. 

“I mean, obviously. Who the fuck would fall off of a flight of stairs on purpose?”

“Me apparently.” Keigo snorts.

Touya grins and it falls as soon as it comes. He fiddles with his collar. This is the easiest conversation they’ve had since the start of winter. Two seasons have come and gone and there’s been no progress. Nothing, nada. It irks Touya to no end to have nothing come of his reluctant tries to open up to Keigo in order for him to do the same back.

They’ve been friends for more than a decade but it sure doesn’t feel like they’ve known each other for more than two years.

No progress means… not going forward. Touya knows that not going forward isn’t always bad per se, but… he sure doesn’t want to stay at the same level for all their lives. 

He wants more. More, more, more, selfishly. It repeats in his head. But in order to gain more, to receive more, to progress further, he’s going to need to make some type of official move instead of sitting there in the mud of failed attempts. 

It seems that the only good he can do is, well, wallow. Think about his problems instead of acting on them. He feels exactly like what Keigo describes. 

“Are you dropping me home?”

Touya snaps out of his reverie and flicks Keigo’s forehead as a reflex. “Yes, you fool. But I wanted coffee first. Come with?”

“Obviously.” Keigo rolls his eyes. “You’re paying, though, you won’t catch me giving you anything ever.”

Touya’s alright with that. 

“As if you’d give me anything. Except credit. Give me credit for knowing that you wouldn’t give me anything.”

“You… what? You’re making my brain hurt. Quiet.” Keigo pats Touya’s face lightly with his injured hand. “You’re gonna wake up my poor, bandaged hand.”

Touya flicks Keigo’s forehead anew and he closes his eyes, letting out a tiny squeak. “That hurts you ass.”

They walk in calm, comfortable silence. Touya doesn’t know how he managed to maintain the pace of the conversation, the pace of his walk, the pace of his voice. How he hasn’t managed to… derail the conversation somehow.

The trail that leads to their apartments breaks off into a fork, and they turn right to head into the old plaza Keigo’s been hanging around in even as a child. It’s like his soul left a mark there, permanent and everlasting. Touya doesn’t mind at all. 

Touya opens the door and heads straight to his usual spot, Keigo trailing right behind him. The barista calls for their order and Touya thanks him, nodding his head in gratitude. Keigo does the same, but the soft, vibrant spark in his eyes is long gone and is replaced with a hole deeper than the greatest abyss. 

Touya struggles and struggles and struggles to find the right words to yank out of his chest and say, but they’re lodged so deep that it makes it hard to even think about it. He coughs, as if maybe they’d fall out on their own. They don’t.

Keigo’s hand brushes over the cardboard of the coffee cup and he lifts it up gently to take a quick sip. He looks out the window, then to Touya, then to the window, then back to Touya before it settles on the hand that Touya notices is itching his neck. He brings it down and takes a sip of his coffee.

Keigo’s lips turn up and he takes a longer sip, finishing almost half of his cup in just one gulp. He places his elbows on the table and leans forward. “Touya.”

Touya raises a brow and takes the last sip of his coffee before standing up and dusting off his hands. “Keigo. Get up, we’re going on a walk. You can bring your coffee too.”

“Sounds peachy, Fireboy.” 

Touya’s mind is running faster than his feet are. The phantom burn of the coffee cup remains on his hand and he uses that to ground himself. Burn tongue, steaming hand. His nails dig into his hands and he presses the palms of them onto his jeans as if they’d flatten the crescents that’d made their way onto it.

He’ll talk to Keigo. He will, he will . 

He’ll do it.

He has to.

But… he doesn’t know how. 

He knew Keigo wanted to speak in the coffee shop. He knew, he did. But he couldn’t speak in front of a whole store of people. About 10 people is 10 too many. 

He sees Keigo’s hand bandage and unbandage his left wrist, flopping it around to see if it’d fix by itself magically. 

They walk out of the coffee shop with a quick shout of thanks! And a toss of a few coins in the tip jar. Keigo starts rambling on about school and Touya’s ears begin to filter out most of what spills.

He wonders if the main problem of not being able to speak is the fact that he’s never listened in the first place. 

He wonders if it’s because he might be mishearing everything he thought was correct. 

“-You know Rumi? She fucked up at her job. Not really, though. It was kinda funny actually. She picked the wrong rose- not even a rose. It was a bouquet of lilies. Now that I’m thinking about it, seems like more she’d do it on purpose.”

“Mhm. Wrong flower mess up?”

“Basically! And she gave it in to a customer who came by. She gave it to Fuyumi . See! It can’t be a coincidence. She gave lilies to Fuyumi . To your sister.”

“To my sister.”

“ Yes, Touya are you even listening?-”

Touya’s eyes widen by just a fraction, his steps become slower before they speed up again and he finds himself near the tall, old oak tree near the plaza. Keigo follows behind him like he did since he was a child.

A couple of cars are parked, leaving them out of view from the rest of the world. Enveloped in smoke and dust and dirt.

“Keigo… Do you actually think. That you sprained your wrist and that it was automatically your fault?”

“... Yes? Why wouldn’t it be?” He snorts and lifts up his left hand. “This wrist can barely move properly. I bandaged it so the teacher’s wouldn’t wonder why I wasn’t writing.”

“Wait- are you lying about your hand?”

“No! Touya- What? Why would I do that?”

“Just a thought.”

“A stupid thought,” Keigo says, slumping against the bark of the tree. A few pieces chip off and Touya picks one up.

“Listen- I’m sorry. I just. Why?” 

Keigo bites his lips and looks up at the canopy of leaves covering them. It’s almost as if… Keigo looks for the positive in everything. The leaves look beautiful, but Touya can feel the pressure of the smoke of the cars behind his back. The clouds are dark and grey, and he knows that it’s going to start to pour soon but he needs to hear Keigo. He needs to know what he’s going to say.

“Because I’m the one who fell, Touya. Maybe if someone had pushed me down it’d be their fault and I would’ve thought more about it, but right now, it’s kinda straight forward, dude.”

“... Keigo, just because something is straight forward doesn’t mean that it doesn’t need anything thought about it.”

“What- what is with you , today. Wh- what- why are you thinking so much? I was stupid, fucked up, and fell off the stairs like I was in the middle of a daydream or something.”

“You’re not stupid.”

Keigo furrows his eyebrows. “I mean, sure. Okay. But like… my test scores say otherwise.” He shakes his head. “Anyway, this isn’t what we were talking about-”

“Now we are. What the fuck, Keigo?” 

“It’s nothing! Nothing, Touya. Jesus- you get so concerned it feels like you’re gonna beat me or something. I-”

“Why?-”

“That’s not how I meant it, uh.”

“You think I’m going to beat you.”

“No! I know you’re different. It’s just… this feeling. That I need to fall back.”

“You get that feeling- you get it from me?”

“Touya- No-”

“...Keigo?”

Touya bites his tongue hard enough to draw blood, the crimson tang somewhat similar to the fresh oranges that Keigo and him would eat as children on a hot, sunny day. Keigo’s eyes flit around, they won’t settle anywhere , anywhere . It’s… erratic. Pulsing and fast and panicked and Touya thinks that he caused this . 

He isn’t any better, he feels like he hasn’t grown at all. Ten years feels more like ten seconds because when he looks straight into Keigo’s eyes, the panic floods out of him and into Touya. 

He feels like he’s five again.

“It’s not… It’s not. A big thing. It’s one thing, It was my fault for falling, because I could’ve tied my laces or maybe fucking looked ahead for once but no , no. I didn’t. Because I’m just that stupid, yeah?” 

“No. No, no, no. Keigo, please-” 

One, two three .

His hands feel dirt, dry. Muddy and sticky and gross . He wipes them on his jeans.

His eyes see blue. The sky, cyan, bright, never ending.

His nose smells… dewy grass. The after-effects of rain even though the downpour has just begun. 

Drop’s of water fall from the canopy of leaves dangling above them.

One, two, three . Release.

“Keigo… You aren’t stupid.”

“I-”

“Literally shut up. It’s my turn to speak.”

“Touy-a-”

His voice cracks in between and when Touya raises an eyebrow, tempting Keigo to go on, he doesn’t. 

“Listen, half the time, I don’t even know what you’re saying. Ever think about how you sound like? Because I don’t have a clue. It’s so hard for me to… properly tune into what you’re saying, what you’re doing. Half my mind is orbiting some other topic and the other half is trying to pound my brain into dust.” He rubs the back of his neck, “I mean… I’m glad my brain hasn’t been pounded into ground meat… but I sure would like it to stop. I try to listen. I do-”

“Touya-” 

“I’m this close to duct taping your mouth shut, Takami.”

Keigo’s eyes widen and his seating arrangement reorders itself into something more… defensive. Like he’s going to run the moment he sees an opening.

Touya’s going to make sure there aren’t any.

“But I-”

Touya snaps his fingers. “No.”

He has no idea what he’s going to say next, in all honesty. He hasn’t thought about it in the slightest and it shows with the stutters, the obvious gulps, the fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, the… everything. Keigo’s ever so soft stare is like burning sunlight on his skin and he itches to get away.

“I don’t…. I don’t even know what to say to you, honestly. I wish you’d trust me. I wish I could help you. I want to. So bad . But even then, how do I help if I don’t know what the problem is?” 

Keigo’s eyebrows droop low, his eyes shift towards his shoes, embarrassed. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed- God, that’s not what I wanted to happen. I just want to know… Why?”

“Why what?”

Touya’s nostrils flare. “Oh, you know. Don’t act so stupid.”

Keigo flinches back slightly, his fingers tightening around his shoes. Touya--for a split second--had forgotten about why this debate even started. 

Because Keigo had called himself stupid, and here you are, saying that he’s acting stupid . 

“You know what- I take that back. You’re not stupid. Just- please. I want to know what’s going on.” Touya’s eyebrows set into a line of concern and his eyes go wide, pleading. “Please.” 

“I- I don’t know. I know as much as you do.”

Touya nearly bites his tongue to stop himself from speaking. But his heart is racing and his mind so desperately wants his thoughts and concerns out in the open for Keigo to know that he really, really does care. He cares so much he can’t put it into words.

He knows that if he doesn’t speak right now, at this moment, it’ll never be known. He’ll forget and forget and forget until it’s not even a thought he goes back to. 

He… doesn’t want that to happen. At all. 

Keigo’s eyes are empty and dull, he feels that if maybe… he says something directly to him, it’ll knock around his head until it comes out the other ear. 

“Keigo.” 

He blinks, purses his lips, and tightens his grip on the leather of his shoes further. His knuckles are white.

“ Keigo .” 

“ What . What do you want-”

“ I want an answer. Or, something akin to it.” 

“You’re just asking me why . Why what .”

“... Why do you… Shoulder everything like it’s your fault. Like…  every problem was meant for you to bear.

“It’s not.”

Keigo sputters, but Touya continues. “No- listen. You see, you do this thing where you close yourself off thinking it’s the best for everyone, and it isn’t. You’re just too self-centered to think about the fact that you’re not the only person in the world.” 

Touya breathes deeply, thinking about the day Keigo gave him the key to his house. 

I’m gonna need you to remind me, sometimes, that I’m not the only person in the world.

“I’m reminding you, right now, that you’re not the only person in the world. I’m here. For you. So just… trust me. Talk to me. Say anything , I just want to know if you’re okay.”

“I don’t know.”

Touya raises an eyebrow, “What?-”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know. It- It’s been like this for so long I can’t tell the difference to what’s normal and what’s my version of normal. They both… feel the same. I can’t differ them.”

“Bullshit.”

Keigo squawks and leans forward. “What do you mean bullshit. You asked and I answered.”

“No, I know there’s more to it. You can’t just blame this on your head and leave the rest to be hanging in the air. I’m sorry I never got to… share my- like- I wish I got to have my childhood with you, maybe. I knew you since we were five, but that was five years too late. I knew--even though I didn’t have it the best either--it would’ve been nice for you to… see my mom more.”

“I would’ve liked to.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice cracks and he clears his throat. “But… why do you close yourself off? I’m here. I want to be here. For you. And it’s like I’ll never get the chance because you run away so fast.”

Keigo sniffs and his shoulders shake. His lips are pulled thin and tears are falling rhythmically from his eyes. One after the other, catching on the edge of his lips. Touya moves forward so their knees touch.

“Why are you so harsh on yourself when you’re doing the best you can?”

Keigo shatters. His shoulders shake harder and harder and his tears fall out faster than he can count. His hands find their way to under his eyes to wipe away the tears but all he does is mess up his face even further. 

“I’m trying, I’m trying . I really don’t know how much I should push. I don’t know, I don’t know -”

Touya’s hands subconsciously move over to Keigo’s chin, cupping him lightly. His thumbs moving back and forth against his cheeks and it raises a wobbly smile from Keigo.

“Touya…” 

“You’re trying, yeah?” 

Keigo looks away, eyes darting everywhere--the tree, dirt, his ratty shoes--anywhere other than Touya.

“Hey, hey, eyes here. Look at me.” He smiles and moves his face closer so that their noses are brushing against each others. 

His mouth opens and closes and opens again. Keigo’s gaping, openly, he can’t speak and Touya wonders if maybe- maybe he made another mistake. 

“I… Hi.” His lips turn up and his eyebrows furrow down but his tears have stopped and that’s what Touya was looking for.

He snorts and Keigo shuffles a little closer, and closer and- closer . 

His eyes strain trying to look at Keigo, so he closes them. He hears Keigo’s breath hitch and he thinks-- oh, wait-

“Touya?”

“Hm..?”

“Can.. Can I-”

“Can I?”

“You can. Yes. Now-”

His right hand slides down to grasp Keigo’s left, bandaged hand. He moves the last few inches he needs to to meet Keigo’s lips in a soft, sweet kiss. 

Touya never thought about this . About not talking and maybe… communicating through actions. Soft hands flitter around his body and he shivers. The rain starts falling slower, he’d forgotten about it completely, his mind blocking out anything not Keigo. 

He moves back, eyes fluttering open and Keigo’s head drops to his shoulder. The tips of his ears are red and Touya snorts, his free hand moving to play with Keigo’s hair.

“Why haven’t we- we done this. Before.” Keigo whispers.

“This?”

“Yeah, like. Not talk, more action.” He lifts his head to place another kiss on Touya’s lips, then his eyelids, and then another on his cheek. “That.”

“Hmm, I dunno.”

Keigo hums and digs his nose into Touya’s neck. “I wanted to feel strong around you.”

“What-? You-”

“Yeah. It’s an um- weird thing. I dislike it, it feels weird. I don’t want to have to… feel that way, because I know you hate it. But it won’t go away. I want it to go away.”

“So you-”

“Yeah. I blocked everything out and then just… fell down this rabbit hole of hating. And then you’d come around and I’d be frozen in fear because I don’t want this all on you.”

Touya’s stunned into silence. The whole time he’d feared for something much worse, and it is , he knows it’s not his fault but it feels like the weight on his shoulders just keeps on getting heavier and heavier.

“It’s not your fault,” the two of them say in unison. It’s so absurd that Touya almost laughs, Keigo does. 

“I know that… you want to be strong. There’s no reason to, though. You don’t have to be, why do you have to be?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I want everything and nothing all at once and just- everything is so hard to grasp. It’s all so out of reach it’s frustrating.”

“Don’t go so fast.”

“...what?” 

“Pace yourself, Keigo. Look- You’re better than how you were about a year back, you’re going forward.”

“At a fucking snails pace. I don’t think I’ll reach where I want to go fast enough.” 

“Keep trying. You’ll never know until you do.”

Keigo sniffs and his lips quirk up. “I will…. Okay. I’ll keep going. Because- for you. It’s only ever for you.”

Touya can easily recall memories of Keigo, light and happy. His smile brightens his whole being and he finds himself smiling along with him.

Touya can easily recall memories where Keigo talks and talks and talks , like he never stops because he always has something to say. He much prefers those memories over ones where Keigo’s words would echo around the room because he hadn’t spoken at all.

Touya can easily recall memories that bring him joy , no longer having to dig so deep into his psyche to convince himself that maybe, maybe Keigo would… move forward along with him.

As the rain pours in portions, each drop falling into the puddles already made, ripples flowing out slowly, he realizes the smallest of actions can cause catastrophe. And he’s glad he didn’t do what he wanted to do, or else he wouldn’t be here right now.

Touya knows that maybe things will be okay, not at once. But in small steps. Slowly, surely, he’ll be able to say everything he means to.