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Dear Shumai,
Oh sorry. You probably don’t want me to call you that, huh? It probably annoys you. Sorry.
Well, hey, congrats, mister Detective! You survived and you were right. About me, about everything. I am alone. I’ll die alone.
Hmm. That sounds kinda icky for me to say. All manipulative and guilt-trippy. My bad.
I am glad you survived though.
Welcome to my real last words, Shuichi. Kaito will probably tell you my last words were “at least I wasn’t boring, right?” and yeah, that’s the last thing I’ll technically say. But that’s another clue for you. You’ll figure it out, I’m sure.
So here we are. You and me, separated by the great veil between life and death. We’ve always been separated by something, haven’t we? Lies and truth, good and evil, alive and dead. Tragic, isn’t it? Almost like Romeo and Juliet, if Juliet was a liar, a jerk, and a dude. And if Romeo didn’t love Juliet. I guess that’s probably more important than the other stuff.
Hey, did I get ya? Did you think I was alive? Sorry for tricking you all with that. At least I was the one who really died, right? Kaito’s still alive. I’m sure you’re happy about that. I’m happy for you. That’s all I want actually...for you to be happy. Which is why I’m the one who’ll die. Not Kaito. Well, there’s a variety of reasons for that. I deserve to die, for one thing. But Kaito doesn’t.
You’re gonna be the only one who gets to read this, Shuichi. Okay? There might be some parts you can show the others, I haven’t figured it all out yet. I’m just running with whatever comes to mind. So...yeah. I’m being more honest than I ever have been. No point in lying. I’ve lied enough. I have to lie until I’m literally dead. I want a small break right now. To just be honest.
Fuck.
It’s hitting me now. That it’ll all be over. That I won’t get to see you again. I won’t get to see any of you again. You know...I actually did like you all. You can tell them I said that, if you want. Here, I’ll even leave everyone a special little message, courtesy of the king himself, Kokichi Ouma.
Can you believe how arrogant I sound? It’s almost funny. Anyway.
For Kiibo, you’re more than a robot. I actually think you’re pretty smart, Kiibs. And it’s kinda cute when you threaten to sue me. If I could take back my stupid insults I would. You’re smart and kind and didn’t deserve that.
For Himiko. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was so mean to you after Tenko and Angie’s deaths. I know you were struggling. You're a delusional, adorable and annoying little girl, but I hope you survive.
For Kaito, you're definitely stupid. But you’re brave and caring and I know you can make them all happy. So do it okay? For me. Make Shuichi happy when you guys get out. I’m sorry for dragging you into my plan, by the way. I really hope it works. I hope I’m the last person to die here. Promise me that no one else will die. Promise me that you’ll try to make him happy, alright?
For Maki, I honestly don’t trust you. You do things that are pure evil and you weren’t even forced to, like everyone else here. But you don’t deserve to die. Survive, okay?
For Tsumugi...tch. Good one, Plain Jane.
And for Shuichi- well, this whole letter is for you, isn’t it? Sorry for getting off track with everything. This was supposed to be a confession, an apology, whatever.
Ugh, I hate being honest. This is the most honest I’ll ever have been, you know. Hmm...I’m not ready to tell you everything. I need a few more minutes to work up the courage. Pathetic, I know. It’s just paper, not like I’m actually telling you anything. But still…
So here’s some more honest thoughts to help me.
I miss you, Rantaro. You were the first person to trust me, at all. I really miss you. I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything to protect you that day. Maybe if I had dragged you off to play some game with me like I wanted to, nothing would’ve happened. But I didn’t trust you when I should have, didn’t trust myself. And you died. I hate you for leaving me alone, Ranran. But I miss you so much. I’m sorry.
Kirumi...I won’t forgive you for killing, Kirumi. But we’re both leaders, so I understand why you did it. You’re a good leader, Mom. You were willing to sacrifice everything for your people and I’d like to say I would’ve done the same for DICE. Maybe I’ll see you again, Mom. I really did like you, you know. One of the only people I think I could’ve trusted, in time. Maybe if we met under different circumstances, we could’ve gotten close like I wanted to. I would’ve had a family again- I miss you, Kirumi. It wasn’t just to annoy you, by the way. The nickname, I mean. It was serious. I want to say I hate you for doing the one thing I can’t stand, that being murder of course. But I don’t. I never could. You’re important to me. I genuinely liked you and you treated me like a person, more or less. So...yeah. I hope I’ll see you again soon, Mom.
Miu...oh fuck, Miu. I’m so sorry. I really am. I didn’t want you to die. I didn’t want anyone to die. Fuck. Ugh I hate this- I don’t know what to say. You were fun, Miu, really. I honestly liked you. I’m sorry it ended the way it did. I understand why you wanted to kill me. I forgive you for trying, not that I have any right to. I wish I didn’t do it. I’m sorry. I really am. I wish we could’ve met before all this. We would’ve been unstoppable, you know? We were, like, made for each other. Sorry, I’m sure you don’t want to hear that. I’m sorry.
Oh, Gonta...I’m so sorry, big guy. I know what I did is unforgivable. I tricked you, took advantage of your trust in me. I still can’t believe you trusted me. That was your first mistake, huh? I miss that...being trusted. You were the last one. And I killed you. I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for how I treated Himiko after your death, Tenko. I know you were probably screaming at me from the great beyond about that. I remember that one time when- well, you probably don’t want anyone to know about that. But we’ll always have that, huh? I’m glad I got to know you a little better before you died. I know you didn’t like me, or anything. But you were the closest thing I had to a friend.
Angie...you crazy bitch. I’m not a fan of forcing people to play along, and that’s kinda your whole thing, isn’t it? I don’t like your little cult thing either. But damn, we could’ve gotten along pretty well outside of this place. That’s all I can focus on, huh? If we met before, if this didn’t happen, if I didn’t do that, if you didn’t die. Too late to change any of it. Well, you were pretty interesting, Angie. I liked you. You figured it out before us all. I’m sorry we didn’t listen.
Korekiyo, you scare me. Like, really. You’re fucking creepy, dude. Even without all the weird stuff that came out in your trial. But you’re pretty smart. And I’m honestly pretty interested in learning more about your talent. You clearly went through a lot, Kiyo, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry we couldn’t stop you or help you.
I’m sorry for you too, Ryoma. I’m sorry you felt lost. I get that. I wish we could’ve done something for you.
Kaede...oh, Kaede. Good try. Your plan was too obvious. You were too obvious. Still, I’m sorry I was mean to you after the whole Death Road of Despair thing. I know you were just trying to help everyone. I think you did. You really helped Shuichi. Thank you, for that.
Ugh.
This is such a mess, I’m sorry, Shuichi. I know I was supposed to be talking to you. Instead I ended up talking to everyone but you. Um. Okay. Here goes nothing?
Dear Shuichi, I love you. I know that’s probably not what you expected me to say. Or wanted me to. I’m sorry. Um, it’s true, for the record.
Don’t feel bad or anything. I don’t want you to love me back- well, that’s a lie. Of course I do. But I don’t expect you to. I don’t even expect you to care that I’m dead. I want you to, of course I do. But everything I did was so that you wouldn’t.
I was a fucking dick, wasn’t I. It was on purpose, I hope you know that. I wanted to make sure that none of you would miss me. I wanted you to hate me. And I ended up falling in love with you. I almost quit my plans, you know. Because of that.
If you had taken me up on my offer, during everything that happened with the Neo World and Gonta, maybe I would’ve quit. Maybe I would’ve tried to be nicer. Maybe I wouldn’t have pushed you all away, punched Kaito, set off to make you all think I’m the mastermind. But you didn’t. Instead, you told me I would be alone forever. It, uh, it hurt, to be honest. It really hurt. But I deserved it. And you were right! I am alone. I’m alone because I deserve to be. Because I’m a horrible person. Because of literally everything I’ve ever done.
Um. So yeah. I love you, Shuichi. More than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone else. Hell, I might love you more than DICE. Okay, that a lie. DICE means more to me than anything else ever will. But you’re a close second. The only person I’ve ever trusted outside of DICE and the only one I trusted in this death game.
I really do love you. For a lot of reasons. You probably want to know why. I don’t know if I’m nice enough to tell you. Maybe I want to keep you thinking about me, about why I love you, for a while. Maybe I don’t want you to forget me just yet, Shuichi.
Don’t forget me, okay? Just for a few days. Just think about me a little. Even if it’s just to tell me that you hate me. Or that you wished I died sooner. Or whatever. Something, anything. Just don’t forget me right away. Okay? Please?
I really mean it. That’s all I want from you. Just please don’t forget me. And survive. I need you to survive, Shumai-
Agh, sorry. Force of habit. I just want to call you stupidly cute pet names like Shumai and run my hands through your hair and hold your hand. Okay, I know I sound dumb. You’re probably disgusted reading this. You probably aren’t even reading anymore. I’m sorry. I just- ugh. I know you don’t like me. As a friend or romantically. But I really do love you. And I said I would be honest in this letter so I’m being honest.
I love you more than almost anyone else. You’re probably the only living person I love. I think...I think DICE might be dead. If they aren’t… um, can you find them for me? When you get out? Tell them... I’m sorry and I miss them and I love them. Please.
What else do I say…?
Oh.
I’m sorry, Shuichi. For lying, tricking you all the time, being a bad person. I’m sorry for what I did to Gonta, especially. I really meant it when I asked to be killed with him. I know I said I was lying. That was the real lie. But you believed it, huh? Then you told me I would be alone forever. That, um... that hurt. I don’t expect you to feel bad about it, I really don’t. I deserved it. I deserved Kaito trying to punch me. A part of me wishes he did. Sorry for punching him. You can tell him I said that, if you like.
I don’t know. I don’t know, Shuichi. I’m...scared. I’m really fucking scared. I don’t want to die. I really don’t want to die, Shumai. I want to survive with you all and go home and see DICE and- fuck, I really want to kiss you. At least once. It’s not like I think I have a chance with you, or anything. I know I don’t. I just...ugh. Nevermind. I’m sorry.
I hope you have a happy life, Shuichi. I hope you get past this. I hope my plan works and that no one else dies. I hope you find someone that makes you happy.
Goodbye, Shuichi Saihara. I really did love you.
With honesty and love (ew), Kokichi Ouma
***
Kokichi read over the letter before opening his hand. The paper drifted down and landed in the garage can next to his desk.
Who knows, maybe Shuichi would still somehow find it after everything happened. He probably should’ve given the letter to Kaito, like he planned. Or hid it in Shuichi’s room. This wasn’t ideal in the slightest.
Oh well.
He stood up, heading towards the Exisal Hanger. Time to put on a show.
Goodbye, Shuichi.