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The Toy Soldier knew it wasn’t perfect. It knew it wasn’t a real person. It was an automaton at most, and a disillusioned puppet at least. It had always existed to keep other people happy. It had never quite existed for itself. Why would it? It was a toy! Toys weren’t sentient; they existed to be played with! And what a marvelous game of pretend the Toy Soldier had been playing! It was pretending to be alive and have feelings! How wonderful! It was even allowed to pick its own feelings this time. It wasn’t told what to think or feel. It was one of the things it liked most about the Mechanisms. They let it have choices. No one had really let it have choices before. That wasn’t to say they didn’t order it around - of course they did! It was the novelty of having the Toy Soldier, after all.
Out of the many people who ‘owned’ it, the Toy Soldier would proudly say it like the Mechanisms most of all! They gave it more autonomy! It was more than a novelty to them. It was a crew member! They even pretended to be its friends. It was...pleasant. For a while. That wasn’t to say they didn’t have their many moments of being terrible. There were a lot of times where the Toy Soldier was simply a prop in their many jokes, pranks, and antics. It had lost count of the amount of times it had been shot or hurt or thrown out of the airlock. It was like an unfortunate loop it found itself stuck in. Maybe...Maybe it had been wrong about having friends. Maybe no one liked it after all. That made sense, right? They wouldn’t all keep hurting it or locking it out of the Toy Soldier was their friend. They may not have like the Toy Soldier but the Toy Soldier liked them. That was why it made the decision it did.
It was going to stop existing! That was the obvious option! It would simply stop being a bother to anyone. What else was it supposed to do? It clearly wasn’t wanted and it had nowhere else to go. So the Toy Soldier found a quiet hallway in the Aurora, sat down and simply...stopped. It stopped moving; stopped thinking.; stopped...everything. The Toy Soldier was dully aware of the way Aurora vibrated beneath them, trying to ask if it was okay in her own way. It did not offer a response. Eventually, she stopped. She left it be. It wasn’t sure how long it sat there for, trying desperately to cease existing (which was not an easy feat). But time went on and on. It felt the way the dust settled onto its skin and the way its joints ached from lack of movement. It was just...still. It was nothing. It wanted to be nothing. At some point, the Aurora turned off the lights. It was left alone in the dark; fully abandoned. Just as it deserved.
It became vaguely aware of someone shaking it; of someone calling its name with panic in their voice. That didn’t sound right! Why would anyone panic about it? It was just a piece of wood, after all! It was disposable. Slowly, it remembered to start pretending to see again. What it wasn’t expecting was for Jonny to be the one shaking it. Jonny d’Ville had never seemed like he took to the Toy Soldier. Though, he never seemed like he took to anyone. His emotions were always expressed through violence and it was hard to tell love from hate. The Toy Soldier always assumed it was hate. “TS? Toy Soldier?” Why was he so worried? “Please tell me you can hear me. Come on, doll! Just respond! Just...do something!”
If the Toy Soldier could blink, it would have. If it could smile wider than the one painted firmly on its face, it would have. “Hello, Jonny! It’s Nice To See You!” It wasn’t really. After all, it wasn’t looking forward to being (most likely) thrown out of the airlock again. That was never fun. It paused for a moment. “What Are You Doing Here?”
“...Looking for you.” The words seemed reluctant to leave his lips but the worried look never left Jonny’s face. It felt...wrong seeing it. Jonny was never one to show emotions or vulnerability. Especially not the Toy Soldier! “No...No one’s seen you for weeks, and what sort of Captain would I be if I didn’t look out for my crew?”
“First Mate!” The Toy Soldier was quick to correct before pausing. This was usually the part where he shot them. But he didn’t. Instead, he just laughed. It wasn’t a cold laugh, either. It was a warm laugh. A relieved laugh. It wasn’t a laugh it had ever heard before. At least, not directed at it. “Are You Alright? You Look Quite Concerned? Did Something Happen?”
Jonny’s eyebrows furrowed. “You were missing, TS. We were worried. I was worried.” They were left utterly confused. “You just disappeared and then when I found you...You weren’t moving and there was the dust and just…” He took a deep breath.
It shrugged. “I Was Just Trying To Stop Existing!” Jonny looked far too alarmed at its words. “None Of You Like Me Very Much So I Decided To Stop Being An Inconvenience!” It tried to sound as proud as it could of its words. Why wouldn’t it be? It was being helpful, after all! Just like it was supposed to be! A good soldier!
“No.” Jonny’s voice was barely above a whisper. “No, you don’t get to do that.” Then the most unexpected thing happened. Jonny hugged the Toy Soldier, holding it close as if he were fearful that it would disappear should he let go. “We care about you, doll. So much.” The Toy Soldier froze up entirely. That didn’t seem right. “We love you. I love you .” It wasn’t the first time that someone had said those words to the Toy Soldier. But it was the first time where it felt as if the person speaking it truly meant it.
“I Love You Too!” Its voice was just as happy and chipper as normal - as if it hadn’t been trying to cease existing mere minutes earlier. “That’s Why I Wanted To Make You Happy! You Shouldn’t Be Sad! Not Really!”
“You make me happy, doll. Okay?” A gentle kiss was pressed to its forehead. It was nice. The Toy Soldier slowly found themself returning Jonny’s hug. Its movements were slow - an aftereffect of spending so long still and stiff. “All those times we were violent or threw you out of the airlock...Look, we have a fucked up way of showing affection. We have a fucked up way of doing...everything. We all thought you knew it was a joke.” He took a deep breath. “We should have made sure it was more obvious.”
“Well then! That’s Okay! I Forgive You!”
Jonny snapped at that. “No.” It tilted its head to the side in confusion. “You...You don’t have to forgive everyone, TS. You don’t have to forgive us. We treated you badly and God, we made you think we hated you . None of us have ever hated you. Alright? Sure, you’re annoying at times but we love you.”
“Oh.” It paused for a moment. “I Don’t Really Know What To Say.”
“Then don’t say anything.” He pulled it closer. “Just don’t do this again. Please. Not over us.” For the most part, the Toy Soldier complied. It pretended to live once more and it was loved. It was as close to happy as it could get!
Though, there did come a day where it stopped existing once more. But there was millenia away. That was for when there was nobody left to love it.