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"You're not worried, are you?" Casey asks. The brunette holding her by the arm shakes his head, smiling.
"Not really. I'm sure it'll be fine." Casey nods, white-faced and staring straight ahead. His look of perfect confidence slips slightly.
"Should I be worried? Is there something you aren't telling me?" Casey shakes her head far too frantically.
"No, it's fine. They're fine. They'll love you." He nods, and she takes a deep breath before leading her fiance into her childhood home.
The house is every bit as chaotic as she remembered, despite almost all of them being adults. Marti and Edwin are fighting over the remote on the couch; Edwin wants to watch a crime drama and Marti wants to watch a reality TV show about intense obstacle courses. Lizzie is running around trying to find something. Casey isn't able to catch what when she zooms past. Simon, who looks twice as old as he did the last time Casey came home even though it's been a year, is doing odd motions and gestures and dances for Derek. Derek, who looks exactly like he did the last time they saw each other, who's sitting in the same spot in his chair, who looks at her with a smile much different than the one he used when he was a sixteen-year-old charmer, but one that affects her all the same. They're playing charades, Derek explains when Keith is looking at the youngest child in confusion.
Casey introduces Keith to all of her siblings, smacking Marti and Edwin and telling them to turn the tv off if they can't compromise, grabbing Lizzie by the elbow the next time she runs past, and politely interrupting Simon so his little hand can shake the one twice the size of his. Even though Derek's closest to the door, Casey waits until last to introduce him.
Her smile is as fake when she introduces the two men. Derek is the only one to stand up and shake Keith's hand, the smile seemingly genuine when he tells her fiance it's good to meet him.
Her parents love him, which she had expected. He's handsome, polite, and a Doctor. What more could they want for a son-in-law? He insists on setting the table, and Casey can see the deal is already sealed in her mother's eyes.
When dinner is ready, all of chaos is corralled into the kitchen. Simon, Lizzie, Edwin, and Marti sit at a small table set up in the middle of the kitchen, since the regular kitchen table isn't large enough for all of them. They have to bring up an extra chair just to squeeze Derek in, which is when Casey realizes they've replaced their old table with a much smaller, more modern version. It makes sense, since only Simon and Marti are still at home.
The dinner is wonderful – Casey has tried to replicate her mother's recipes and create her own, but nothing compares to home-cooked food from her mom. George and her mom question Keith about his job, his family, his plans for the future, but it's all polite questioning. They certainly aren't grilling him for information.
Derek is quiet the entire dinner, but looks politely interested and follows along with the conversation. He doesn't start any conversations, but is conversational when anyone asks him something. Casey wishes she didn't hear the unbearable silence, only for a few moments, when Keith asks if Derek is seeing anyone.
Just for a second, Derek's smile breaks. But then he's perfectly happy once again, explaining how he doesn't really have time for anything serious with hockey. And that leads to Keith and Derek going off about the season, and Keith congratulating him on his most recent game, and that line of conversation lasts until dessert.
When everything is finished, Keith disappears to the bathroom, George starts doing the dishes, and her mom goes to help Simon find a missing toy he is crying about. Lizzie and Marti arguing over the best singer on some TV show a few feet away is the only sound left in the kitchen. She and Derek are left alone at the table. For one of the first times that evening, their eyes meet. Like always, her mind insists on writing what would happen if this were a rom-com.
In the Rom-Com:
At the thought of her marrying someone else, Derek proclaims his undying love for her and begs her to take him back. Casey is shocked and starts crying and kisses him in their family's kitchen. Her family looks on with happiness, like they always knew this was going to happen.
Kevin's hurt, but he quickly meets someone else while here – maybe Emily – and they end up happily ever after, too. Because he is a perfectly nice guy and it's not fair for him to be swept into this. A rom-com would resolve that neatly.
In Reality:
"He seems nice," Derek says. And the worst part is, he doesn't sound bitter or jealous or sarcastic. He sounds like he actually means it. "He seems good for you."
"Thank you," Casey says quietly. "He is." Casey doesn't know what to do with his expression. It's not jealousy or disappointment or resentment, just... acceptance. A sad, understanding acceptance. Derek gets up to help his dad with the dishes.
Casey stares at the spot where he'd been sitting until Kevin comes back.
....
"You had something with him, didn't you?" Keith asks later that night at the hotel. He doesn't have to specify who or what he means by something.
She almost has to laugh at that, because she had everything with him. Not in a sappy, hopeless sort of way. Just that she had everything- a friend, a rival, a challenger, a protective older brother, a sexy not-in-anyway-her-brother, her first long-term boyfriend, her first time and everything.
"Yeah. We had something." And although the words aren't nearly enough, the vague, cryptic lack of a real answer is just fucked up enough to perfectly describe them. "It was a long time ago."
It's the truth; she and Derek ended four years ago, two years before she'd even met Kevin. Her fiance looks like he wants to say something else, but nods instead. "We don't even really talk anymore," she defends further. "That's why it was so awkward tonight. We haven't seen each other in months." Kevin nods again as he gets into bed with her.
They lay with their backs to one another, staring at opposite walls.
"I have exes, too, obviously. It's just weird having to face him, knowing that."
"I know. I'm sorry. I... I should have told you." He reaches behind him to hold her hand.
"I would have appreciated that, but it's fine. It's not like it's your choice to see him again. He's family." A million memories surface of her trying to deny that they were family, to herself more often than anyone else. It had never sounded believable.
. . . . .
The first movie they ever watched together was Jerry Maguire, because Casey figured it had just enough romance for Casey and just enough mindless sports for Derek. Ever the diplomat, Casey decided they could find a collection of movies they mutually enjoyed if they were going to have to live together for the next few years. (Yes, they were almost all cheesy rom-coms. Derek could learn a lot about how to behave from them.)
Eager to annoy his new step-sister, Derek made an effort to criticize everything Casey held dear about the movie. The costumes, the makeup, the dialogue, the cheesy panoramic shots, the music - nothing was beneath his complaint. Eventually, a frustrated Casey threw the pillow at him and stormed out at the end of the movie.
A few days later, they got into an argument while Casey tried to help him with his chemistry homework. The angrier Casey got, the more amused Derek grew. He continued pushing her buttons and teasing her mercilessly until Casey shoved him off the bed and threatened to leave if he didn't stop being such an ass.
Still laughing from the floor, Derek called, "You had me at goodbye!" after her.
….
It went on like this for months. Casey showed Derek one of her favorite, most romantic films. Derek snorted and made fun of it and made Casey so mad she wanted to punch him. He used a line from the film in the next few days, but he said the line all wrong, or he said it word for word but in a way that twisted it around to be an insult.
And the next week Casey showed him another movie. It may seem masochistic, or you may think that Casey was actually trying to start trouble, but Casey McDonald was not a quitter.
…..
Love Story was a complete failure. Casey could admit that was her fault; it was cheesy and all romance with nothing to distract or entertain Derek. So she wasn't even that mad when he laughed in the middle of the movie and continually made fun of the script.
Casey stormed home from her dance class the next night to yell at her step-brother. Someone had thought it would be funny to take all of her dance clothes out of her bag and replace them with a handful of t-shirts and sweatpants from his own closet. He knew Casey didn't check her bag when she grabbed it after school, because she always thoroughly checked it the night before.
She slammed his door open and threw his clothes back at him, immediately yelling. He just grinned and asked what the problem was. After a fairly long rant about respecting her privacy, invading her personal space, interfering with her passions, and how would you like it if I stole your hockey stick, Derek was still grinning and she was only getting angrier.
"I just can't believe you're such an asshole all the time, and you don't even feel bad about it!"
He looked up at her with mock guilt. "Why, Casey, I feel just terrible about it. The guilt is eating me alive! But, my dear sister, don't you love me?"
Casey glared at him, her cheeks red, too angry to answer.
"Well, you know what they say - 'love means never having to say you're sorry!" And he looked at her with an infuriating smirk that somehow made her as angry as it turned her on.
He used that line for weeks afterwards anytime he pissed her off.
….
When Harry Met Sally was the first semi-success. Although he made sure to criticize everything else, Derek quite liked the main character Harry. He was blunt and somewhat a dick, potentially even misogynistic. Casey pretended that she wasn't similar to Sally – what one might call high maintenance and picky. She disregarded everything rude Derek had said about the movie and called it a win.
Two days later, they were – big surprise – arguing over the bathroom schedule. Derek had once again taken the shower at Casey's time. He obviously knew she had somewhere to be and now she wouldn't have time to shower beforehand.
Casey was red-faced and huffing; Derek was grinning and laughing and sitting back in his computer chair.
"God. I wish I could just get rid of you!" Casey yelled, throwing her hairbrush at him.
"Well, you know what they say." Casey groaned preemptively and waltzed out of his room before he could answer his own question. That didn't stop her from hearing him calling out after her, "when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life without somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
. . . . .
Gone With the Wind seemed like a stretch. Not only was it an old movie, but it was nearly three hours long. Since Derek had a weird fascination with the civil war, however, he didn't even put up a fight.
Only as they stood up at the end of the movie did Casey realize: he hadn't made fun of a single thing.
"Oh my God. You liked it!" Casey stage-whispered. Derek shrugged.
"It was girly. But the fighting was... not terrible. A lot of people died, which is cool. And I like Rhett," he said with a wide grin. Casey laughed. Arrogant, player, obnoxious. Frustratingly charming.
"Yeah, you would." He just shrugged again.
"I take absolutely no offense to being like Rhett. You, however, should take offense to being just like Melanie." Some odd piece of Casey's heart twisted, and she realized that she halfway wanted him to compare her to Scarlett. Without giving her a chance to dispute, Derek started making his way up to his room.
Casey's mouth floundered open then shut awkwardly. "Why would I not want to be Melanie? She's sweet, and kind, and cares for people who don't deserve it. She's practically a saint!" He turned around to face her after she'd followed him into his room, a thoughtful look on his face.
"You know, you're right. Melanie's far too nice to be compared to you." Casey made a face at him, but he continued. "You're definitely Scarlett."
And although it was what she'd wanted, her throat ran dry. She couldn't decide if that was from his admission or the intense look he was giving her. "How so?" She asked quietly. Suddenly, he shut the door behind her, bringing himself within a few inches of her.
"Too smart for your own good. Resourceful. Do what you have to do to get what you want." Pausing, he leaned in even closer to her. She could smell him, this close. It was a mix of his cheap cologne and sweat from his earlier hockey practice. "Acting so innocent, so pure, when really..." He trailed off, the implication as leaned in to hover his lips near her ear much dirtier than anything he could have said. "You've just never had a real man before."
Casey was proud that she managed to scoff. He ignored her. "Rhett was right about that – that is your problem. You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how." His words were teasing along her skin. His hot breath was against her neck. She wished she could say it didn't affect her. If she hadn't always been certain, the way his lips lingered just close enough to her skin and his fingers ever so lightly brushed the inside of her wrist confirmed that, yeah. Derek knew how.
Clearing her throat, Casey pulled back abruptly. Her boyfriend. He was implying her boyfriend wasn't a man. "There's a lot more to life than... kissing. Jake's a really great guy. He's intelligent and he plans to actually do something with his life. And-"
Derek cut her off with a hand held up near her face. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a shit." With that, his door was wrenched open once again and she found herself unceremoniously shoved into the hallway.
…..
Nora insists on throwing a "small" BBQ since all of the family is in the same place for once. Dozens of neighbors, their friends from high school, and plenty of people Casey doesn't recognize show up. She and Keith are introduced to friends of George and her mom, Marti's boyfriend – which makes Casey feel more ancient than she has in her entire life – and a collection of kids Simon's age.
She spends most of the afternoon sitting with Emily while Keith mingles with everyone at the party. They gossip and catch up and freak out about the wedding that's in less than a week. They share the drinks they used to enjoy when they were 20 and young and carefree, and Casey knows that Emily is studying her far too closely. She spends the whole night looking at her like she wants to say something more.
When half of the guests have left, Derek finds her alone in a circle of chairs.
"It's been too long, Casey." It has. They broke up four years ago and have barely seen each other since. She doesn't know him anymore. She just nods. "I... I hate not having you in my life. I never imagined... look, can we just be friends?"
And she wants to scream that, no, they can't be friends, they'd never been friends. From the moment they met, they were ignited in flames of anger and sexual tension and passion and competitive fury and everything that was not in any way friendly. She doesn't know how to be around him without touching his thigh just to get a reaction or brushing the hair from his eyes or falling into his arms when she needs to cry.
But she smiles as much as she can and nods. They make plans to meet for lunch the next time he's in the area, and Casey doubts she'll follow through.
…..
"He still loves you, you know." Keith says quietly as they wait for the General Tso's chicken they ordered to be delivered. She figures she's supposed to be surprised at that, but this isn't a rom-com, she isn't stupid, and Derek grew up a long time ago and stopped hiding his feelings.
"I was afraid he would."
He opens his mouth, and for a minute she's terrified he's going to continue - that he's going to observe that the feeling is mutual - but he closes his mouth and turns away. She's almost disappointed. She almost wanted someone to accuse her of still being in love with the boy who swept her off her feet seven years ago and never set her back down, just so she could give her well-thought out argument as to how ridiculous that was.
And the little voice in her head laughs and laughs and agrees that it is, in fact, ridiculous.
In the Rom-Com:
Keith would say that she is equally still in love with Derek. Casey would deny it fervently, coming up with excuses and reasons that's impossible until Kevin forces her to see the truth. He loves her so much he wants her to be with whomever makes her happy. She would run off to tell Derek and somehow get lost, despite her keen sense of direction, and magically run into him in the middle of the pouring rain. They would share a dramatic, passionate kiss, and be back together with no further discussion, no other issues.
In Reality:
Neither of them address the elephant in the room of Casey not being over her former lover. They eat dinner and talk about their plans for the rest of the week and needing to check with their travel agent if they were able to get the deal on the flight. Kevin says he will call in the morning.
They watch several episodes of a crime procedural they both love on Netflix, enjoying the competition of trying to solve the mystery before the characters and each other. When it gets to be late, they go to bed quietly.
He spoons her when they get under the covers.
"Just... promise me one thing," he says quietly. Casey squeezes his arm. "If you're going to go back to him, do it now. Don't drag it on. Don't wait for the wedding or until after we're married."
"I'm not going to," Casey answers immediately, before he can think she's hesitating. She doesn't know what else to say to convince him. She can't honestly deny having feelings for him still, or say that what they had is really over. "I left him for a reason. If I were ever going to get back with him, it would have happened a long time ago."
This, at least, is the truth.
. . . . .
It was quiet as the credits of Sweet Home Alabama rolled. Derek had started off making fun of the accents and cheesy scenes in the movie, but Casey realized once it was over that at a certain point he had stopped talking altogether.
She turned to tease him about liking another chick-flick, but found his face oddly serious. The words died on her throat. Before she could think of a way to ask him what he'd thought about it in a way that might get him to answer truthfully, he walked upstairs without a word. The serious expression lingered.
Casey stared after him long after he was gone, unable to understand what about the movie had upset him.
….
It was over a week before Derek started yet another fight about Jake. The voice in her head nagged that Derek had a problem with every single guy she dated.
"You're just jealous of him," Casey cried.
"Jealous?" His voice cracked. "Of what?"
"He's better at hockey than you are," she grasped to think of something. "And he has better hair." Neither was true, and she was confident Derek knew that, and probably knew she didn't believe it. But it didn't stop him from fuming. It was rare that Derek was angry with Casey. Usually, she was pissed and he was laughing. But she couldn't remember ever seeing him this angry. She watched from the corner of her eye as he clenched and unclenched his fists.
"I wish you weren't my stepsister," he growled, his voice low. Casey scoffed.
"Why?" All at once, Casey realized there was something more than anger, maybe even something more than jealousy in his eyes.
"So I can-" He cut himself off, but Casey still heard the rest of the line from the movie they'd watched recently. So I can kiss you anytime I want.
He cleared his throat. "So I can leave you anytime I want. Obviously." But his voice was quiet and lacked venom. The both ignored that the sentence didn't even really make sense. Casey didn't answer for a long time, considering just leaving without another word.
"I don't know what your problem is with Jake, but he's a nice guy. I think I... love him." Derek turned away from her then. She wondered if it was to hide his expression from her. He waited so long to respond that Casey started walking away, assuming he wasn't going to.
"No one finds their soulmate when they're 17. What's the fun in that. Right?" Casey continued walking away, her mind reeling with how much he had actually paid attention to Sweet Home Alabama, and how it still seemed to be affecting him. She still heard him mumble to himself, his voice achingly soft.
"Right?"
….
They visit the venue three days before the wedding to confirm that the wedding planner has everything correct and the plan is set. She's a bubbly older woman who talks the entire time she walks them around, whether there's really something to say or not.
She shows them the arch that's already decorated, the diagram of the table layout while standing in the dance hall, and they meet the venue caterer to go over the details one last time.
The venue is quaint and lovely and perfectly nice, but for a moment Casey finds herself comparing it to the extravagant places they had viewed in Montreal. She sometimes misses home, but Montreal is such a beautiful city.
She berates herself for thinking down on the smaller town she'd lived in for several years, the place where her family still lives. Keith had eventually convinced her to get married near her family and old friends, since it was only an hour away from his family and hometown as well. They have friends in Montreal, of course, but most of their close friends from high school and college are here.
Everything is wonderful, she tells their wedding planner, and it is. The wedding is going to be perfect. A Pinterest-inspired dream. The kind that ticks off every box on Casey's checklist. Not a single thing spontaneous or out of place.
Perfect.
….
It pours that night in London. Her family and Keith play board games and cards until the rain lets up enough for them to head back to the hotel. Derek is the only one missing; he had to go back to Ontario for a match, but he'll be back for the wedding at the end of the week.
Casey realizes this will be the future for visiting family; Keith ruffling Edwin's hair when they catch Edwin cheating, her mom and George laughing wholeheartedly at Keith's jokes, Marti teasing him for being an old man when he doesn't understand some new slang. He's already made his place in the family.
Simon sits on her lap and she tells him they are a team. Half the time she lets him pick the card and doesn't care that it loses them the round. He is goofy and a bit of a trouble-maker, despite how young he is. Casey can already see him growing into another Derek. A Derek with her bright blue eyes and, judging from how well he's doing in school and band, her intelligence and drive.
A little bit of both of them.
Casey gets distracted by the relentless rain and watches the bright lightening strikes that seem like they're just down the street.
In the Rom-Com:
Derek would suddenly storm into the house. He would be soaked from the rain, dripping it all over the carpet. He would ask Casey to marry him, right in front of her fiance, no ring. Casey would laugh awkwardly and ask why he would want to marry her.
"So I can kiss you anytime I want," he would finally admit. And she would kiss him.
In Reality:
Derek goes to bed early in his apartment in Ontario to be ready for practice in the morning. Casey glances at the door so much that Lizzie asks her if she's all right, and her mom asks if she's expecting Emily or someone else to come over.
She forces her eyes back on the game, on Simon who is asking her for advice on which card to play. She tries to think about the present, and not how when she and Keith have kids, they won't have that smirk or that slightly reddish hair or the urge to mess everything up.
....
10 Things I Hate About You is a moderate success. At first Derek was disappointed the movie wasn't actually about hating someone, but it's not bad. He thinks Patrick and Kat are funny. He loves Heath Ledger. So it works out.
Plus, Casey had started thinking that Derek might be trying to be nicer about the movies he watches with her. Actually, nicer in general. He had barely pranked or started a fight with her in the past month.
He walked around the house singing "Can't Take My Eyes Off You," for the next two weeks, to the simultaneous annoyance and amusement of the rest of the household. He took Edwin to a paintball field later in the week.
….
They broke their long streak of sort of getting along a few days later. Derek started yelling at her for always leaving her towel on the floor, which she didn't think she had ever done before in her life. When she immediately apologized and explained that she must have been in a hurry to be on time for her study session with Mark, he got even angrier.
"I hate you, Casey." His voice was low and angry.
"What have I ever done to you? How could you hate me?" He just stared at her. She raised an eyebrow. Her mind drifted back to the movie they had watched three days ago. "10 things. Give me 10 things you actually, genuinely hate about me, and I'll walk away and never bother you again."
His mouth opened and closed twice before he responded, his voice still low. "I hate how you are such a nerd and think that makes you better than me. I hate your shrill voice always yelling at me. I hate how you snitch on me for anything. I hate that you smell like stupid daisies and your smell infests everything in the house – my sheets and the towels and all of my clothes. I hate that you date mediocre guys who don't deserve you." They both froze at that admission. After a moment of awkward eye contact, Derek took a deep breath and continued.
"I hate that I hear 'De-rek' in my head all day. I hate all of your stupid chick-flicks you keep making me watch to constantly remind me I'm not good enough. I hate your incredible blue eyes when you're looking at me with disappointment. I hate that no matter what I do, I can't stop thinking about you. Mostly... I hate that you're my step-sister."
And then she's kissing him and he's kissing her back, and they're fighting just as fiercely as ever. But this time it's lips and tongues and hands against skin. They kissed until they were red faced and out of breath and laying on his bed.
He went on about what he hated about her – her hands that lit his body on fire, her perfect lips he'd always wanted to taste, her imperfectly smooth skin – all while making sure to kiss and touch and caress every part he mentioned.
"I guess I hate you too, Derek," she whispered against him.
….
All of the bridal party, as well as the women of the Venturi-McDonald household, enter the front room of the local bridal shop. The men and women separate, since Keith can't see her in her dress before their big day. She and Keith had agreed that none of their siblings would be in the bridal party, since they had a total of eight siblings. That would take up virtually the entire wedding party, and they certainly didn't want to ask some siblings and not others. The only exception is Simon, who is a good age to be the ring bearer.
Her best friends and mom and sisters all crowd around her in the dressing room and giggle and tell her how beautiful she is as she tries the gown on for the last time before the real thing. It's beautiful and classic and somewhat old-fashioned. It's so very Casey.
Her friends get into their dresses – knee-length chiffon halter dresses. Their sales assistant says the color is vintage mauve, but it just looks like a muted pink. It's bustling and everyone is laughing and telling Casey how beautiful she looks as they check the dresses one last time for any last minute fittings.
In the floor-length gown, Emily beside her in a cute dress, and a bunch of girls around her giggling and excited, she's reminded of her prom. She went with Mark, although they never actually dated. Emily took a guy from her science class whom Casey couldn't remember the name of. They had a great time and took a million pictures to remember that night.
Derek looked like a model, or a famous actor, in his tux. He brought Lacey, a girl Casey thought was nice enough. He seemed to have a great time with his hockey group and their dates.
He surprised Casey by asking her to dance to a slow song, but no one else seemed shocked. They looked like they were expecting it. He held her close and said nothing. Casey tried to ignore her flip-flopping stomach and said nothing. He smiled sweetly at her when it ended and walked away, leaving her more confused than ever.
Emily and Mark were smiling knowingly when she came back to their table.
In the Rom-Com:
Emily would pull her aside and tell her that she knows this isn't what she wants. That Casey doesn't want to be marrying someone else. Casey would deny it and argue until Emily made her look at herself in a wedding dress in the mirror, and Casey would accept that she doesn't want to be in that dress unless she's next to Derek.
She would run off, probably in the wedding dress, to take a cab to Ontario. (Ignoring the fact that cab would be hundreds of dollars, if she could even find a cabbie to go that far). She would surprise Derek at his apartment and ask him to marry her and he would laugh and kiss her and say yes.
In Reality:
Her roommates from her senior year of college tell her that she looks like a princess. Her mother tears up and says she is so excited to see her first daughter get married. Marti and Lizzie both hug her. Emily tells her she looks perfect and she's so happy for her.
After the tailor inspects the dress and touches up a few small things, she looks up at Casey.
"I think it looks perfect, but is there anything you'd like to change?" It takes way too long for Casey to answer, even though she's staring at one spot on the dress.
"No. It's perfect."
"You sure? This is your last chance to fix it." Casey feels the tears coming to her eyes.
"I'm sure."
....
Derek was much more cooperative about watching rom-coms after they got together. He was much more cooperative about everything.
He still teased her, of course, but never tried to make her mad anymore. (It still happened, but now it was at least accidental. And he actually apologized without her pestering him to). He let her pick restaurants and what they did for the evening. When she put on a rom-com or detailed documentary, he didn't say a word.
He watched Roman Holiday mostly without trouble, although he tried to kiss her or tickle her while she was trying to pay attention. Afterward, he told her she was just as prim and proper as Princess Anne, but no one was forcing her to be. She took it as a compliment instead of an insult.
When they went to bed that night, he pretended he'd never been alone with a woman before, just like the Princess had with Joe in the movie they'd just watched. He acted the scene out and added more lines until she was aching with laughter. Then he challenged her not to sleep in one of her nice, silky nightgowns for once. He eventually convinced her to sleep in a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt, something she'd never done before. She wouldn't admit it to him, but it was much more comfortable.
….
Casey leaves the TV on after Derek's game ends. She isn't really sure why she watches most of his games; she still does not like or understand hockey, and she barely speaks to Derek anymore. Just the same way she talks to her cousins on occasion and at family get-togethers.
You're supporting your brother, the nasty voice in her head sings.
Keith walks in the hotel room and makes a face when he sees what's on. Although he'd never say anything, Casey knows he must hate that she is watching Derek on TV. But what is he going to say – I'm jealous that you watch your step-brother that you lived with for years play hockey? It would sound just as ridiculous as the reason she is still watching him. If she were a good person, she'd just stop watching; it bothered her fiance and it really wasn't good for her.
She leaves the channel on as the reporters interview the players post-game. Barely listening, she makes herself a mug of cheap coffee. They answer all the same questions as they always do - how they had won, what their strategy had been, how they would do in the next match.
The reporters hound on Derek one after the other, praising him and asking about his winning goal. He smiles his ever-charming smile and answered the questions perfectly, like he always does. Casey could probably answer the questions for him after seeing the same answers a hundred times over.
"Was this your best game yet, do you think?" Derek goes to answer, no doubt something cliché about how all his games are equally important, but he freezes for a second. Something goes through his mind.
"Ah, no. Not by far." His voice is weirdly quiet. You almost can't hear him over the roar of the fans.
"Really?" The reporter is intrigued, Casey is intrigued, and even Keith seems interested to hear what he will say next. "Is there a game in mind that was better? Maybe a best game of all time?"
"London. By all means, London." Casey gasps out loud. Six years later, he's quoting a movie they'd watched as college students in love. He doesn't look at the camera or the reporter as he answers, instead something far off in the distance. "London vs Heron Lake. My high school championship game. Nothing will ever compete with that."
The questions and answers and cheers continue, and Casey doesn't hear a word. She feels Keith's gaze on her as she tries to stir her coffee, he hands shaking so badly it spills on the counter.
"I need to shower," she blurts, getting in the bathroom before he can see her break. She sits on the floor and turns on the shower so he can't hear her crying.
In the Rom-Com:
Keith would recognize that she would never stop loving Derek, no matter how much she tried. He would sigh and tell her to go to him. Casey would run into the bar where he was celebrating with his teammates, but his smile wouldn't be quite reaching his eyes. She would run up to their table and tell Derek, in front of the whole bar, that she had never gotten over him.
They would kiss and kiss and smile at one another and the entire bar would cheer.
In Reality:
It's silent as they get ready for bed that night. When Casey is curled into bed, assuming they won't talk about it at all, Keith speaks. He doesn't look at her as he finishes putting on his pajamas.
"I don't know what happened between you two. I don't want to know, because I'm already sure it's something I can never quite give you. I know he still loves you. I know that you still love him, in some weird, fucked up way. But... you're still here. And if this is what you choose, I can handle that.
"I know I'm supposed to say something selfless, like that I can't marry you when I see how much you still care about him, but I can. I get that I won't be your first, and maybe not even your best. But... I'd like to be your something. Whatever I can be. I love you, and I'm selfish enough that if you choose to be with me, that's enough."
When they have sex, just for a moment she's on a bench in a locker room. He's sweaty and hot and high off his championship win, and he's telling her he doesn't even fucking care if she rips his precious hockey jersey as she struggles to take it off. She's thankful she manages to slip the right name off her tongue, but even though she tries there's no way to split "Ke-ith" in half. It leaves an empty taste.
It's by far the best they've ever had. He doesn't ask, so they can pretend he doesn't know why.
....
Derek asks her to meet at the bar they used to frequent on breaks and summers home from college. She tells Keith so he can ask her not to go, but even he agrees it would be good for them to have some closure.
So she meets him and they both only have one drink – a whiskey on the rocks for him, and a Long Island Iced Tea for her. He asks about how she met Keith. She asks what he's up to outside of hockey.
"You know, George warned me before I asked you out. How things would fail. He told me... he was afraid of how it would end in a broken heart. I was so stupid, so arrogant, I assumed he meant you." He shakes his head bitterly. "But he knew, even back then, it was always going to be me."
"I'm... I'm sorry. If I had known how this was going to end..."
"No, I don't regret it. I still would have."
And she wants to scream because that isn't fair that she broke him like shattered glass and he's the one who would still do it again. That's not how it's supposed to fucking work. But they never did things right, did they?
In the Rom-Com:
She would tell him they could try again, and he'd smile that stupid, hopeful but still unsure grin, and they'd share a kiss too intimate for a run-down bar. They'd end up in his bed saying something like , "it's not over, it was never over".
In Reality:
She knows they were over from the moment they started. She changes the subject to his most recent hockey match, and she's relieved he genuinely seems happy as he talks about scoring the winning goal. She pretends she didn't watch the entire match, just to hear him talk about it.
After several hours of talking about everything except her wedding in two days, they leave. They actually hug, for the first time in years. It's perfectly friendly and there's not the slightest hint of anything more.
There is nothing resembling closure.
. . . .
The night before she gets married, all of the bridesmaids – Kendra and Jamie from college, Olivia from work, and Emily – all cram together in the hotel room her college friends are sharing to drink more and eat junk food and watch romantic movies. Like a childhood sleepover. Maybe not surprisingly, the perfect bachelorette party for Casey.
They watch some new Netflix movie Casey's too drunk to remember the name of and giggle and sigh at the cute parts and make fun of the cheesy script. Some idiot picks My Best Friend's Wedding and they all get tears in their eyes, but Casey cries and cries and cries until her friends are all exchanging looks over her head. They cut Casey off and force a glass of water on her and tuck her into bed.
She's just drunk, that's all.
….
A week before winter break, they got the call. They sped home just to sit in the hospital for 17 hours. All five of them took turns sleeping and eating at the cafeteria, or shoving dollars into one of the many vending machines. Casey brought her Kindle loaded with books to read. Edwin and Lizzie brought some homework and study materials. Derek brought his hockey stick and puck, which he used whenever the nurses weren't around to yell at him and threaten to kick him out. Marti mostly occupied herself with her phone, playing games Casey didn't understand and texting a dozen friends the whole night.
When they neared 15 hours, Derek held Casey and they talked about their next semester at Queens. About how next year they would share an apartment off-campus (Derek had wanted to their first year, but Casey insisted on the full dorm experience). About how Casey would help Derek study and Derek would convince Casey to leave the library when she had spent too long there. About how Casey would come to all of Derek's games and he would go to her debates and dance recitals.
After the long wait, they went in turns to see their newest family member. Derek, Casey and Lizzie were first, and they each held him and cooed and told Nora and George how beautiful he is, he looks just like them, he's so healthy.
Casey held him in her arms and was amazed at the resemblance she could already see. When she saw his creamy pale skin and small ears, she pictured little boys running around in hockey jerseys, swatting each other with sticks as she tried to make dinner. And when she saw piercing blue eyes and the Venturi smile, she saw a young girl pouring over a novel for hours and her father thinking it was sweet instead of nerdy. When she looked at that familiar red-brown hair and her nose on the baby's face, she saw her future. A future she liked.
But when she turned back to everyone else in the hospital room, she knew what they were seeing- a living, breathing confirmation of that the fact that they were all officially related now.
Derek's hand slipped from the small of her back.
…..
"This is the part where I speak now or forever hold my peace, I guess." They're on a balcony just outside of the dance hall, catching some much-needed fresh air.
"I suppose it is," she says quietly, silently begging he'll hold onto whatever semblance of peace he has left. His last chance to speak now disappeared four hours ago when she exchanged rings in a delicate chapel, but she doesn't bother mentioning that. Despite all her attempts at education, he still doesn't understand the concept of chick-flicks and dramatic declarations of love.
"But there's probably nothing I can say that you don't already know, right?" She blows out a breath of air, somewhere between relief and disappointment.
"I suppose not."
"He's going to make you happy. He's a good guy. But... make him happy, too, all right?" Her heart breaks right in two. For him, for Keith, for herself – she's not sure. Maybe all of the above.
In the Rom-Com:
There are so many ways she can write it, so many chances missed:
She would yell, "are you calling me selfish?" and he would get angry and shove her shoulders and yell that he doesn't want her to break anyone else the way she broke him.
He would say, "It could have been me, damn it. It still could."
He would have ran into the hotel room as she was getting ready and begged her to take him back .
He would have caught a flight to her house as soon as he got the wedding announcement in the mail.
The pastor would have actually said, "speak now or forever hold your peace," even though that doesn't happen in real life, and Derek would have spoken then.
But Casey knows - has always known - that she's the one who broke up with him; she's the one who ignored him when he begged her to stay, just try to make it work; she's the one who got engaged to someone else. It was never on him to change their ending, was it? So, in the rom-com, the one Casey has rewritten a hundred times in her mind since that fateful day in her dorm room:
She would have run back to his dorm a week after they broke up and told him she didn't care that they shared a half-brother, that there was nothing wrong with them together, that she loved him and he loved her and that was all that mattered. They would have shared a kiss so beautiful no one could deny they belonged together. They would have stayed together through college and afterwards moved to the city together.
It would be him standing next to her today. The wedding wouldn't follow Casey's checklist. His high school band would perform half-decent rock songs. Derek would somehow lose the ring, and there would be a whole fiasco of trying to find it. His teammates would bring their sticks and probably start a game in the middle of the dance floor.
It wouldn't be perfect and classy, and the pictures wouldn't end up on Pinterest. But it would be them. It would be them.
In Reality:
"Hey, what do they say in that silly movie you love? This could be the start of a wonderful friendship?" He takes her hand and leads her back inside, her eyes brimming with tears because even when he's quoting the King of all chick flicks, he gets it wrong. She wants to scream that any other line - "We'll always have London," or, "out of all the families in all the towns in all the world, you walked into mine," would at least have been pseudo-romantic. She wants to tell him that line isn't even between the ex-lovers, that's between criminals making their get-away from the law. But perhaps that's more fitting anyway.
He leads her to the dance floor, holding her at a respectable distance the way he did when they were 16 and awkward and unsure of everything. Now, it feels a lot more like a hollow answer than a nervous question.
When the song ends, he stares at her strangely for a moment in the silence before a new song can fill it. "Here's looking at you, kid," he whispers, and she thinks it makes sense that's the only line he'll ever get right.