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“Such ingratitude,” Andrew said. “Those drinks were expensive.”
“I hate you,” Neil snapped. What else is he supposed to say? Certainly not thank you.
“Take a number and get in line with the rest of this team. I won’t lose any sleep over it.”
“Don’t sleep. I’ll kill you.”
Neil thought about people him and his mother had killed to get him here. Thought about his mother's sacrifice. It would all be for not if in this state he confessed it all. It was harder for him to fight the urge to shake out his hands. They clenched at his sides.
“Will you?” Andrew asks. “Will you do it yourself, or will you pay someone else to handle the mess? You certainly have enough money to outsource it to a proper hit man. One wonders what a no one like you is doing with such a fortune.”
Neil thought about the blood on his hands. He wondered how Andrew would feel with that knowledge. Impressed, scared?
Instead, he went with the lie his mother endorsed, “I found it on the sidewalk.”
“Really,” Andrew drawled. Chills rushed up Neil’s spine. He loathed how his brain lit up whenever Andrew spoke in that subtle southern accent. He’d deny it until the day he died. “Is that why you won’t spend it, or do you just like looking like a homeless person? The team is split, you know. Most of them think you’re trailer trash like Dan. Renee knows better. So do I. I think you’re something a little more like us.” Andrew leaned forward, every syllable enunciated. “Runaway.”
Neil couldn’t hide his physical reaction. A hard flinch and a violent shake of the hands. Andrew watched with intrigue. “Mind your own business,” Neil snapped, crossing his arms.
“Tonight is Mind Neil’s Business Night,” Andrew said with delight. “Didn’t you notice? Give me something real or I won’t let you stay here.”
Something real. Hardly anything about Neil was real.
“This isn’t your team. It isn’t your say.”
“Don’t tempt me to prove you wrong. How about I call the police and ask them to run a real check on you? You think they’ll find anything interesting?”
No.
Neil barely managed to recognize Andrew didn’t want an answer to those questions.
“That’s a hollow threat,” Neil said. “The police would never do favors for someone like you.”
Neil knew that well enough.
“I know a cop who would,” Andrew said. “If I called him tonight and told him you were a serious problem child, he’d make it a priority. How cold is your trail?”
Neil’s heart skipped a beat. Was he bluffing? As confident he was that his trail was as cold as ice he wouldn’t bet his life on it. His mom would kill him for that.
“Shut up,” Neil snapped. He was getting upset. “Why can’t you leave me alone?”
“Because I don’t trust the way you look at him,” Andrew said.
Kevin.
Neil couldn’t help the way he looked at most people, but he knew he must have looked at Kevin in an especially strange way.
“Edgar Allan is in our district and you are on my team. You, a know-nothing from Arizona who somehow managed to catch Kevin’s eye. You, a lie from head to foot, with a bag full of money and a hard-on for everything Kevin and Riko. Do you understand?”
Neil did. He blinked a few times up at Andrew.
“I’m not--Are you--” Neil exhaled slowly, thinking hard about the words. “I’m not a mole. Are you kidding me?”
“Prove it. You take a minute to think it over. Think how badly you want to try my patience right now. I’ll be back.”
Andrew pushed off the wall, disappearing into the crowd. Neil sat there in shock for a moment. He leaned against the wall and closed it all. The club was too loud, too crowded, there was something villainous in his system.
Andrew was so close and so far from the truth all at once Neil almost threw up. He looked around the crowded dance floor. He needed to find the stairs out of here.
He spotted them far too late. Nicky was grabbing him and pushing him out onto the dance floor. Neil couldn’t fight him off. The kiss tasted bitter and made him feel like he was drowning.
-
The next morning Neil woke up in an unfamiliar environment, but it’s the texture of the bedding that sets him off. It’s when he moves to throw the blankets off that he realizes there are arms wrapped around them.
For a split second, with his brain not quite caught up, he blurts: “Mom?”
“Not quite,” says the voice of Nicky Hemmick, amused.
He attempted to climb out of the bed, away from the scratchy sheets, away from Nicky and away from the memories of last night. He felt violently ill suddenly, and Nicky must have realized it because he shoved him over the side of the bed. Neil saw the trash can, barely registered it, and threw up everything in his stomach.
When his stomach stilled, he twisted and lashed out against Nicky. He needed to not be in the bed, in Nicky’s arms. He fought hard, tears blurring his vision.
Don’t fucking cry.
“Hey, hey,” Nick said. “It’s fine. Ouch! Relax, will you?”
Neil kicked him again. “Don’t you fucking touch me!”
Nicky retreated, letting him go. He sat on the edge of the bed while Neil struggled to stand up straight.
“He’s awake?” someone else asks.
Neil grabbed the alarm clock next to him on the nightstand and chucked it in the direction of the voice. It hit the doorframe, breaking and falling to the floor. Aaron stepped back into the doorframe once it hit the floor.
When Neil turned to find another weapon, he wound up throwing up again into the trash can.
“Where’s Andrew,” Nicky asks, getting out of the bed. He walked to Neil’s side of the bed.
“He and Kevin went to get us brunch.”
“I don’t think Neil can eat anything.”
“He can watch.”
Nicky put a hand on Neil’s shoulder. The touch made him feel like he was on fire. “Come on. I’ll get you some water.”
Neil shrugged him off. He tried to stand without being propped up on the nightstand a few times before Nicky looped an arm around Neil’s shoulders. “Easy, now. I’m just going to help you to the kitchen, okay? No funny stuff, I promise.”
“Like I trust you.”
“Like you’ve got a choice,” Aaron said, walking ahead of them.
Nicky helped Neil downstairs and sat him down at the kitchen table. He set a glass of water in front of him. Neil refused to drink it, despite the burn in his throat. He glared at Andrew’s double and his cousin.
“Can I check your head, or are you going to bite me if I touch you?”
“What did I say last night?” Neil bit back, arms crossed to keep from shaking. He fought to mask right now.
“Nothing to me besides an admirably creative death threat. I don’t know how your conversation with Andrew went, but it didn’t end well. Rumor has it you paid a bus-boy a hundred bucks to knock you out. Way to cut our night short.”
Neil distantly remembered that.
“Drink up,” Nicky said. “You’ll need all the water you can get today. Crackers’ll dehydrate you like no one’s business.”
Neil responded by upending his glass onto the floor.
“That’s mature,” Aaron snapped.
Neil threw the glass at him. Aaron smacked it aside and it shattered on the ground. Neil cringed at the sound.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you. You can have the shower first, okay? B the time you’re our Andrew will be back and you can ask him about last night.”
Nicky guided him to the bathroom. Neil shut the door and locked it in his face. He dragged all the towels off the walls and threw them on the ground his fit. He shoved a finger in his mouth and bit down hard, sliding to the floor.
He gave himself a moment to calm himself down. Once he didn’t feel like he wasn’t going to explode, he got up. He checked his head in the mirror and found a lump near his left ear. He proceeded to drink handfuls of water from the sink.
He felt a bit better, could think a bit clearer after that. He looked around the room at the mess he made and noticed a pile of clothes he’d knocked off the toilet lid.
He pulled out his wallet and the pair of emergency contacts. He put them in, happier now that he didn’t see his father’s blue eyes in the mirror.
He threw the clothes from last night and shoved them in the corner, changing into the jeans and t-shirt. He turned the water on before pushing up the window and sliding out.
-
Neil knocked on Wymack’s door three hours later. Wymack yanked it open so hard it startled him.
“Where the hell have you been?” Wymack demands. “Andrew got back from Columbia hours ago. Matt called me to say you weren’t with them.”
“I took a different route,” Neil said.
“Yeah? What’d you do? Run here?” Wymack asked.
Neil missed the sarcasm and corrected him: “I walked.”
Wymack raised an eyebrow.
“I hitchhiked to Spartanburg then to Northlake. I walked from there. I know it’s kind of sudden, but can I stay here for a little while?”
Wymak grabbed him by the elbow and hauled him inside. Neil tried not to flinch from the touch. The door slammed behind him.
“Are you stupid or just crazy? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you between here and there? What were you thinking?” Wymack demands.
“I was thinking I wasn’t going to ride back with them.”
“You should have called me,” Wymack said. “Me or Abby or any of the upperclassmen. All you had to do was say you didn’t want to stay with Andrew. Any of us would have come and gotten you.”
Neil just stared up at him, both overwhelmed and tired.
“Stretch out and drink some water,” Wymack said, letting him go.
Neil sat in the kitchen, drinking water. He watched Wymack pass, holding the phone to his ear.
“You have five seconds to get your [redacted] psycho ass to my apartment! You even think about telling me no and I swear to god I’ll throw Kevin’s down a garbage disposal.”
Neil flinched at the word he used. The one his father used to call him. He shook out his hands, reminding himself his father wasn’t here. He was locked up in a prison.
He couldn’t help the onslaught of memories, the yelling, the violence. The hatred.
Wymack returned with a towel and bundle of clothes.
“You’re a sopping mess. Get out of my sight and clean up before I wring your neck.”
Neil went to the bathroom and cleaned up. He was finally relaxed after a very stressful morning when he heard the yelling outside the bathroom. He shook out his hands a few times before stepping out into the hall and then to the living room.
Andrew was standing in the center of the room and Wymack paced in front of him. Andrew looked rather impatient which suggested he was still sober. He also happened to spot Neil first.
“Have a nice stroll?” Andrew asked, interrupting Wymack.
Neil’s hands clenched. He wanted to punch him. “Fuck you.”
Wymack snapped his fingers in front of Andrew’s face trying to get him to look at him, not Neil. “I don’t know what this beef is between you two but it ends here and now. Abbt and I made it clear we wouldn’t tolerate a repeat of last year, Andrew.”
“This isn’t a repeat. We only gave him crackers. You think he’d have made it back here on his own otherwise?”
“Don’t only me. What the fuck were you thinking?”
“What were you thinking bringing him here,” Andrew countered.
Neil stepped forward. “Coach, I need to talk to Andrew for a minute. Can we use your office?”
“No,” Wymack says. “I don’t trust you two not to kill each other, so you’re saying right here until this is resolved.”
Neil grit his teeth. He only had one option left. He switched to German, turning his full attention to Andrew, “What the hell is your problem? How can you threaten Nicky for coming onto me but condone drugging me out of my mind against my will? Why can’t you just leave me alone?”
Andrew had the decency to look surprised. He took a long time before answering. “That’s unexpected. Did no one tell you I hate surprises?”
“What makes you think I care?”
“How many languages do you speak, runaway?”
Sign. French. German. Used to speak Spanish, too. Too many languages to count.
“Tell me why you did that?”
“I already did,” Andrew said. “I’m waiting for your answer.”
“I answered you. I told you I’m not a mole. You’re insane if you think I am.”
“Then correct me.”
“Give me a reason.”
“Besides the obvious?” Andrew said. ‘If I can’t get an answer from you, I’ll get it wherever I can. How about I start with your parents?”
“Good luck,” Neil said, feeling cold all over. “They’re dead.”
“Did you kill them?”
Neil stared up at him. “Did you kill yours?”
Andrew waved a dismissive hand at him. “I don’t have parents.”
Neil knew it was only a half-lie. The twins didn’t know who their father was, and only Aaron grew up with their biological mother. Andrew had been surrendered to foster care and spent thirteen years in the system and three in juvie. When he got released on early parole did his mother let him move in. She died five months later in a car accident.
“I didn’t kill my parents,” Neil said. He exhaled slowly, trying to steel himself against the words. “Riko’s family did.”
Andrew raised an eyebrow, interested now. Neil tried to keep his hands still, keep the words coming out.
“My father was a gopher for a group who did business with the Moriyamas. In the grand scheme of things he wasn’t worth much, but he knew a lot of names and he knew how to move products. He did a lot of business out of Edgar Allan, which is how I met Kevin and Riko. I didn’t know who they were back then. I was just excited to meet kids my age,” he said, voice breaking as he continued, “I thought we were going to be friends. I didn’t...It’s hard to get along with kids when you’re like me.”
“Like you,” Andrew ehoes.
Something real. He wanted something real. Neil gave it to him. “Autistic.”
Andrew stared at him, nothing but pure shock on his face. The word was nearly the same in English, Wymack even looked at him funny. Andrew didn’t say anything, at a loss for words, so he pushed on.
“Then my father started getting cocky, started getting stupid, and tried skimming from payments. He took Moriyama money that was meant for his boss. They found out, of course. The Moriyamas executed him and his mother before his boss could get to him. I took what he’d stolen and ran. I’ve been running ever since.”
Andrew wasn’t smiling, Neil was. He felt sick, knowing that he smiled about this. He reached up, wanting to scratch the smile off his face. It hurt.
“I’m lucky Kevin doesn’t recognize me,” Neil admitted. “I didn’t know if he remembers meeting me, but I remember him. Seeing him helps me remember my parents. He’s all I have left of my real life. But if Kevin or Riko recognizes me and word makes it back to my father's boss...I know what will happen to me.”
Andrew didn’t say anything. He moved so suddenly it startled him, he came to stop right in front of Neil. Neil forced himself to stand his ground.
“Then why did you come here?” Andrew asked.
“Because I’m tired,” Neil said. He didn’t even have to fake it. “I have nowhere else to go, and I’m too jealous of Kevin to stay away from him. He knows what it’s like to hate every day of his life, to wake up afraid every day, but he’s got you at his back telling him everything okay. He has everything, and I’m--” his voice completely shattered. “I am--It’s--I’m nothing.”
Neil was chewing on his finger now, trying to calm down from his half-truths. Andrew reaches up and pulls his hand away from his mouth. They stared at each other and Neil couldn’t read the look on his face.
“Let me stay,” Neil said, voice strained. “I’m not ready to give this up yet.”
Andrew’s expression returned to a cold one, nothing readable there. “Keep it if you can. You and I both know it won’t last long.”
“I’ll be gone by the game against Edgar Allan. I can’t risk Riko’s family recognizing me.”
“Such an unexpected will to survive from someone who has nothing to live for. Next time we have a little heart-to-heart like this, maybe I’ll ask you to justify that.”
“Let’s not talk like this again.”
“Let not,” Andrew agrees.
-
They climbed into Andrew’s car. Neil barely buckled up before Andrew spoke.
“Who else knows you’re autistic?”
“You. Me.”
“Abby doesn’t? Not even Wymack. You lived with him for nearly a month. Surely Seth or Matt have a clue.”
Neil shook his head. “If they suspect they haven’t said anything.”
“You don’t want them to know.”
Not a question. A statement--a realization.
Neil nodded. “If people know it makes it easier to trace me, it makes me memorable.”
“Again,” Andrew said, putting the car in drive, “Such a strong will to survive for someone with a foot in the grave.”
“You won’t tell anyone?”
“Again, don’t ask stupid questions.”
-
Henry raised an eyebrow. “Okay, can I go on my date now?”
“Hey, I’m just warning you about drugs!”
“You know any advice you two give is going to be biased?” Henry asked, tapping his fingers impatiently on the counter.
Andrew shrugged. “It’d be worse if we didn’t try and...you know, parent you.”
“Fair enough, I guess.”
“Okay now go, don’t leave Liam waiting,” Neil encouraged.
Henry blushed. Liam had been parked in the driveway for nearly five minutes now to take him out.
Neil and Andrew watched him go. Andrew kissed Neil’s cheek before heading upstairs to read a story to Ruby. He watched him go.
He wondered what past him would have said if he told him that he’d get this for a long time. He stayed.