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Reggie’s never been great at making friends or connecting with people. It takes him until seventh grade to have a friend that stays, even after finding out how quiet and weird he is. But it’s okay because Luke Patterson is just as weird as he is. They bond over their mutual love of music, Reggie (naturally) talking about country while Luke talks about rock. They meet Alex in grade 9, the other boy fitting right in with his drumming (something he does nervously and impulsively in class, tapping his pencil against his textbook).
His house is not a safety or comfort for him, the shouting matches of his parents drowning out any attempts at playing bass. More often than not, he finds himself over at the Pattersons’ place with Luke (and sometimes Alex), discussing music. It’s always a nice escape from the sounds of shattering plates.
“Let’s start a band,” he suggests impulsively one day, almost immediately regretting it when neither of them respond right away. “I mean- I just think- I- We- I-” He sees his friends exchange a glance that he can’t read, and his brain begins to shut down. “Sorry, I just thought- I-” Tears begin to sting in his eyes as he backs up against the wall, feeling cornered and panicked.
“Wait, Reggie-”
“Reg-”
Alex and Luke both start talking at the same time, exchanging concerned glances that he barely catches. Alex moves towards him as he sinks down to the ground. “Reg, that wasn’t exactly a no. ”
“Wait, you mean-” Reggie watches as a smile appears on Luke’s face and he wipes away the tears.
“Reg, a band is a great idea! I can’t believe we didn’t think of that earlier!”
And if Reggie is glowing by the time he goes back to his house, no one comments on it. (Certainly not his parents, who don’t even notice his return.)
It’s half a year later that they meet Bobby, a boy a year older than them who has the perfect space for a studio in his house. He joins the band and most of them spend more time there than they do at their own houses - it almost feels like home. And it more than feels like home a few months later, all of them staying there later and later until sometimes they just don’t leave. It’s Reggie who makes it permanent first, packing a bag late one night and rushing over to flee his parents and their shouting. He can’t remember if the tears come before or after they notice how upset he is. All he remembers is Luke draping his flannel over his shoulders, Alex sitting down beside him and giving him a sideways hug, and Bobby going to make hot chocolate for them all.
After he’s stopped crying, he looks at the flannel and back at Luke with a question in his eyes. His friend sighs, but it’s not the exasperated and frustrated one he normally gets from his parents. Instead, it’s an affectionate sigh, and it warms him inside.
“You can keep it for now,” Luke says, gesturing at the shirt. “I’ll need it back one day though.”
“I’ll give it back, don’t worry,” Reggie promises. He doesn’t keep that promise.
By the time they’re 17, they’re all living in the studio. And by halfway through 1995, they’ve gotten a gig at the Orpheum. It’s the highest point of their lives, so of course, it’s their last. Sure, the hot dogs taste weird, but Reggie doesn’t think much of it until he’s, well, dying. It’s not like there’s much else to think about while he’s vomiting up blood other than “Oops, there go all of my dreams” and “Hey, maybe my parents will finally get that divorce”. And then it’s dark for a long time, the only sounds being Alex’s crying and their failed attempts to comfort him.
And then it’s not dark, and they’re in their old studio except it’s been 25 years and everything’s different. There’s a girl there - Julie - and she can see them but no one else can, but he can’t figure out what it means.
“Julie seems nice,” he says, distracted by the shock of finding out it’s 2020.
“Did you miss the part where she kicked us out?” Alex responds, and oops, he didn’t hear that. But was it really so bad for him to hope for a new friend? Being a ghost seems lonely from what he can tell, and it’s not like there’s anyone else they can turn to. It turns out that being dead gets worse than just the loneliness, though.
His house is gone, replaced by a bike shack. He doesn’t know how to feel. Does this mean his parents are gone? Split up? He may have been the one who wanted to go see his family, but he gets a small amount of relief from realizing he won’t have to. He can vaguely hear his friends attempting to comfort him, but he’s far too lost in his own thoughts. “Did they even care that I was gone? Did they mourn me, or were they just glad they didn’t have to put up with each other anymore after I died?”
But Luke summons his guitar out of nowhere and he has no choice but to pay attention to everything around him - sure, he’s not gonna stop thinking about his parents, but he’ll let his friends distract him. Just this once.
Long after they’ve gone back to their old studio, he thinks about something that Luke had said to them: “We’re the only family we’re ever gonna need.” But it’s late, and he doesn’t dwell on the words for long, too distracted by everything else that’s happened.
They make it their goal to get Julie back into her music class, and so she goes to perform Bright, and they can’t help but jump in. And her school can see them. Reggie freezes in place when he realizes that they can perform again. Maybe the afterlife isn’t so lonely after all? It’s still lonely, but the thought makes him feel warm. And it gives him some ideas. The next time he gets time alone, he starts to write.
“Home, what is it really?
Sometimes it’s a someone and not a place,
It’s that feeling of being safe,
It’s about who you’re with at the end of the day…”
He stares at the page for a long moment after writing the first few lines, contemplating what he should write next. “Is this too obvious?” he wonders aloud, desperately trying to figure out a metaphor in case his friends see it. After a moment of indecision, he makes up his mind to go find Alex. (But never Luke, Luke doesn’t like his country songs.) They work on it together for a bit before Alex poofs out, presumably to go see Willie, and Reggie sneaks the paper into Luke’s journal.
Julie gets back from school and she hands them a flyer for a school dance. Luke, naturally, complains that they’re playing a school dance and so Reggie decides to give him a friendly reminder that they’re dead. Maybe it’s a bit harsh, but writing earlier put him in a strange mood and now he doesn’t know how to feel. They start talking about future albums and Reggie’s idea of a country album is, unsurprisingly, met by a stare from Luke. The stare from Julie, however, nearly makes him panic.
“I shred on the banjo, so…” he says, immediately defensive. The panic fades at Julie’s smile and promise to learn the fiddle. Everything else continues smoothly - Alex poofing back in and casual discussions happening - until Luke mentions showing some songs to Julie. He watches as Luke picks up his journal, his heart rate speeding up just a bit. He’s gonna find the song…
“‘Home is Where My Horse Is?’” Reggie takes half a step forward at Luke’s words, opening his mouth as if to explain. “Reggie, stop putting your country songs in my journal.”
He doesn’t know whether to be relieved or hurt that Luke didn’t even bother to give it a second glance. He settles for both. “ That was a gift.”
“Thanks, buddy.” Luke barely glances at him, too busy showing some of their old Sunset Curve songs to Julie. It stings him more than he cares to admit.
“You should maybe circle back, it could be a…” he starts, trailing off when it’s clear his friend isn’t interested. He doesn’t know what he was going to say, but it doesn’t matter. Something aches inside of him, feeling like a punch to the gut, and he stays silent until Luke starts playing. “I bet he thought it was another one of your ‘joke’ pieces,” a traitorous voice in his head whispers. “But those were never actually jokes, were they?”
The song fades from his mind when everything about Bobby comes out, however, and god, isn’t that just another dagger in his back? Another friend that’s hurt him recently? “It’s not Luke’s fault though. He just doesn’t realize you’re serious.” He pushes that out of his mind too - he’s had a bad day. He misses his flannel.
Haunting Bobby makes him feel marginally better, but it also makes him angry. There is uncharacteristic rage in his mind, and he tries to shove it down - no use in being one of the vengeful ghosts everyone tells stories about. Except he wants to do something and the club that Willie brings them to that night seems like it’s the perfect solution. Caleb Covington captivates all their attention and it’s not until Luke notices the time that they realize they’ve completely ditched Julie at the dance.
Her anger stings him, hurt clouding his mind even though something inside him understands. “Guess I’m the one hurting my friends this time,” that venomous voice inside of him whispers and- it’s not exactly wrong, is it? They’d been the ones to go to the Hollywood Ghost Club for their own selfish reasons - Julie has a right to be upset. But the hurt intensifies at the words she throws at Luke because he’s always been one to care more about his friends than himself.
When they go to convince Julie to visit the Pattersons’ house, she ignores them, and for a brief second, Reggie worries that his new friend can’t see them anymore. The look Alex gives him clears it up, and the relief he feels that she can actually see them overshadows the hurt at being ignored. They take her to go see Luke’s house, and Reggie’s heart clenches at how distressed his friend looks. Everything about the scene is a reminder of everything they’ve lost, and it makes a small part of Reggie miss his parents, just a bit.
“We know how badly it hurts when someone who should’ve had your back completely lets you down,” Alex says, and god he’s right. “We never meant to make you feel that way.”
“Julie, we love our band. And Luke does too,” Reggie adds, but his thoughts are somewhere else. “I love you. And being your friend. Thank you.” He doesn’t say that, though. “Please give us another chance.”
And when they poof back to the studio to practise? Reggie’s relief is palpable while he plays, and even more so when Luke poofs back in. They’ll be fine, everything will be fine, the band won’t break up, and they won’t have to be alone. Their performance that night confirms it because everything seems like it’s all alright, and it makes him smile a bit more than before.
Except it goes a bit downhill when Julie’s dad shows up and interrupts their conversation with the important-looking woman in front of them, the boys poofing away while Ray takes Julie back home. They can hear their conversation in the background, but Reggie’s a bit more focused on Carlos and his ghost hunting. Sure, Alex’s comment about trustworthiness stings a bit, but now’s not the time to focus on his issues. Now’s the time to make sure Carlos knows he’s right about the ghosts.
He knows Julie’s surprised by his hanging out with Ray the next morning, but he doesn’t know how to explain anything about it. After all, how do you say “He can’t even see me but he feels more like a dad to me than my father ever was” without worrying your friends? So instead he points at him and says “Best dad ever” and hopes that their gig goes well.
Their practice that day is… interesting to say the least, but Reggie doesn’t exactly dwell on it. Sure, Luke may have made him question some things, but that’s not important right now. They’ve got another performance tonight, and maybe that’ll make Luke finally admit how much chemistry he has with Julie. And it does, at least a bit, Reggie and Alex poofing away to give them a moment alone. In Reggie’s own opinion, it’s their best performance so far.
The jolt that hits them after their performance feels worse than before, but Willie’s explanation hits harder. They’re fading from existence altogether, and somehow that feels worse than dying the first time. (At least with their first deaths there was hope of an afterlife, but now? There’s nothing.) But Willie tells them there’s another way - they just have to find their unfinished business and cross over. Should be easy, right? All they have to do is play the Orpheum, a gig that took years to get while they were alive! Slight problem: they don’t exactly have years. Another jolt punctuates his thoughts, dragging down his spirits even more.
He spends half of the next day with Ray and Carlos, ignoring Alex’s confused and slightly judgemental glances. It’s not like much of it matters anymore anyways - everything that they do now will just be erased by goddamn Caleb Covington and his stupid ghost club. He watches the exchange about ghosts and French dip with feigned joy, doing his best to hide his melancholy from his friend.
“I’m gonna miss them,” he says, and he means so much more than that. “I’m gonna miss everything that we’ve found here, everything that we’ve made for ourselves. I’m gonna miss this family.” And yet somehow everything he thinks still isn’t enough to explain it, so he settles for a smile at Alex’s “Me too”, and pushes away the attempts to find adequate words. They’re words he’ll never speak, after all.
His mood doesn’t improve much during the rest of the day, their impending doom never once leaving his mind. He can tell that his friends feel the same way, and it’s not until Julie shows up in the studio that Reggie starts to feel even a tiny bit of hope again. And that hope grows quickly with everything that follows.
They get a second chance at playing the Orpheum. It doesn’t quite strike him as reality until some time after the phone call, while Luke is talking about what they’re going to play. The fact that they’re going to cross over, vanish from being ghosts and go to who-knows-where… it scares him and he can’t manage to pretend to be excited about it.
“I don’t know if the afterlife is worth going to if I can’t be with you,” he wants to say, but the words stick in his throat. “You… you guys are the only family I have,” he says instead, watching Luke exchange one of his glances with Alex. Their kinda botched but well-meaning attempts at comfort are interrupted by another jolt, and the temptation to go to the Hollywood Ghost Club flits through his mind for just a moment.
Talking to Julie brings his mood up slightly, but everything just falls apart at Caleb’s appearance in the studio. He kidnaps them, replaces their clothes with suits, and forces them to perform in his stupid club, and Reggie is half convinced that this is how it ends. They’re gonna lose their chance at the Orpheum again, dying before they get to ever perform there. He almost laughs at the irony.
But Julie, somehow, warps them in, and he’s never been more filled with relief in his life. (Unlife? Afterlife? No, it’s his life.) And god, he’s finally getting to perform at the Orpheum, and he lets all his fears about crossing over fade from his mind because this has always been his dream. And the performance ends, and they bow, but they don’t vanish, and all his fears are back.
They poof back to the studio with shared panicked looks and another jolt hits them and they know it didn’t work.
“What do we do now?” Reggie chokes out past the lump in his throat and the tears clouding his vision. “We’ve got nothing else, nowhere else to go.”
“We let Julie think we crossed over,” Luke responds, voice strained. “She can’t find out about this. Let her think we’re happy and not vanished into oblivion.”
So of course Reggie messes that up, a “You’re welcome” slipping out before he can stop himself. Seeing her cry hurts more than the idea of fading out of existence, and he regrets opening his mouth.
“You have to save yourselves right now, go join Caleb’s club, please. It’s better than not existing at all. Please just go, go, poof out, do something, please. Do it for me, please,” she pleads with them, and it breaks Reggie’s heart even more that they have to let her down.
“We’re not going back there,” he responds, and he sees her face fall even more.
“No music is worth making, Julie, if we’re not making it with you,” Luke adds, and her face crumples. “No regrets.”
And she pulls him into a hug with a broken “I love you guys” and Reggie’s so caught up in the moment with everything happening that he doesn’t notice how weird it is that Julie and Luke are actually hugging. But then Julie points it out, and she pulls them all into a hug, and it’s one of the nicest things he’s ever felt. “She saved us again,” he thinks as the stamps vanish, and the realization sets in that they played the Orpheum. He isn’t sure what being solid means, but he bets that if it changed anything, everyone in the neighbourhood can hear their celebration.
“You’ve got nothing to lose,” Caleb had told them, but Reggie knows that’s a lie. They have each other, and they have Julie, and he has a family here. Caleb Covington must be pretty stupid if he thinks he’s ever going to willingly give that up to join his band.