Chapter Text
It was fall.
The flowers had all withered away, shriveling from the incoming cold and absent sun. Children chased the chattering crickets through the dulling grass, reluctant to put on their cloaks just yet as they jumped in and through piles of the fallen leaves. The marketplace buzz was beginning to die down as the days shortened and the air grew more frigid, warm tapestries and blankets now being sold in place of chilling water and fresh produce, and fast at that.
Down the road from the main epicenter of the village, there was a small plot of land with a quaint house. The branches had become streaks of sunset oranges and cherry reds, swirling down with the wind to the overgrown grass that was beginning to fade from a lively green to a dirty brown. It was quiet, only one bird settling on the quivering branch, but even they too will soon join the birds and the animals as they settled in for the brewing winter season. There seemed to be no sign of activity from the house, dark except for the dim light of the fire, the first of many for the upcoming cold.
But inside, a man lay coughing and wheezing in his bed while his husband spent every waking moment in the back room on the verge of tears. His once smooth, soft fingertips were beginning to crack and callous over from the hours spent sliding the strings and weaving the threads over and over again. His cheeks were beginning to grow sunken, his once sharp, precise movements becoming shaky and slow. His white hair, once rivaling snow, was beginning to resemble the gray of smoke.
But his husband was losing color in his face, cracked lips always shining with a light sheen of his own blood he continued to cough up. His body was growing skinny and frail, soon unable to even sit up on his own. Despite the hours spent sleeping in bed, dark bags hung below his eyes. But still, whenever Seungmin would enter the room, Hyunjin would crack his eyes open and smile. "Minnie," he would call through a rough, quiet voice, and Seungmin would swallow back tears as he took his husband's hand.
Hyunjin never commented on Seungmin's hands that only continued to grow rougher with time, even when his husband's fingers became wrapped in thick white bandages dotted with splotches of red. He would only smile as far as his cracked lips would let him once their fingers were intertwined, and Seungmin would cuddle into his side with silent tears dripping down his face as he felt Hyunjin's shaky hand slowly run through his hair. "Can you sing for me?" Hyunjin would ask. And Seungmin would sing.
"Lavender's green, dilly dilly
Lavender's blue
If you love me, dilly dilly
I will love you~"
The blankets Seungmin had been weaving weren't making much money very fast, shoppers hesitant to buy from a new seller when they had been shopping from the same one for many years. But he was making progress, the jar he had set on the mantle halfway filled. But winter was coming, and he knew the harsh cold weather would only worsen Hyunjin's condition.
I have to work faster, he thought to himself as he played with the white feather on Hyunjin's chest.
So Seungmin continued to weave blankets out of the pure white feathers he plucked, catching droplets of blood from his fingers with a clot of paper so it wouldn't stain the fabric. The bandages completely covered his hand, but he still kept going. Even when he couldn't stand without feeling dizzy, or walk without feeling lightheaded, or move his arms without feeling a sharp pain, he still kept plucking and weaving.
Even when he could no longer sing, he still kept plucking and weaving.
"Minnie..."
"Yes, Jin?" Seungmin asked in a scratched whisper. He couldn't even speak anymore, and it worried Hyunjin.
"Whatever you're doing... you need to stop." His voice was soft, but firm, and when Seungmin looked up and saw his husband looking down at him with sparkling eyes, he saw his beloved Hwang Hyunjin again, before he got sick. The Hwang Hyunjin of the past seasons.
But then he launched into a fit of coughs, blood trickling down his chin, and Seungmin was reminded of the man Hyunjin had become.
"I'll be okay," Seungmin assured him, throwing out the paper he had used to wipe the blood away. He ran his scarred fingers across Hyunjin's cheeks. They felt so unfamiliar underneath his fingertips, so sunken and rough. "I'm doing this to help you."
"But you need to take care of yourself too, Minnie," Hyunjin argued, placing his own hands on top of Seungmin's. "We can't both fall sick."
"I'm not falling sick."
"Then what do you call this?" He gestured to Seungmin, and Seungmin had to bite his words back. He knew what was happening. He knew it was dangerous. He was running low on feathers, too low on feathers.
But he didn't care.
If it was for Hyunjin, he didn't care.
But Hyunjin couldn't know, so he just shook his head and said, "I have to, Hyunjin. I love you."
"I love you too. Which is why I'm telling you to rest." He leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on Seungmin's forehead. "Please, Minnie."
Seungmin pressed their foreheads together, once again holding back tears, and said, "I can't, love. I'm sorry." Hyunjin's hot breath fanned over his face as he sighed.
"Seungmin, please."
"I'm sorry."
"Seungmin..."
"I'm sorry..."
And throughout the night, whispered begs and apologies were exchanged as the couple lay in each other's arms. But when the morning came, Seungmin fed Hyunjin some warm broth before retreating into the back room to continue weaving. The jar continued to steadily fill along with the bucket beside Hyunjin's bed.
Winter was approaching fast, the chill winds biting at any exposed skin. The birds had all flown away, leaving the trees like their slowly shedding leaves. All except for one bird, that is, who watched with wide eyes that seemed to twinkle with worry as Seungmin stumbled up towards the front door in the dark after yet another long day of few sales. With a sudden chirp, the bird caught Seungmin's attention.
"Matilda?" he croaked, squinting through the dark to make out the plump little bird.
CHIRP!
"What are you doing here?" He shuffled closer to the tree where Matilda was perched on a branch. "You need to leave."
CHIRP!
"I'm fine, but Hyunjin isn't, and I need to help him."
CHIRP!
"I know, but better me than him."
CHIRP!
"You're the one who suggested this in the first place!"
CHIRP!
Seungmin sighed. "Neither did I, Matilda. I mean, look at my hair." He held up a lock as gray as storm clouds. Matilda cocked her head to the side and studied it as though it were foreign. Seungmin sighed again and dropped it. "I don't have many feathers left. I'm never going to be the same after this."
Matilda flew down from the branch and landed on Seungmin's shoulder, rubbing her feathered head against his cheek. Seungmin chuckled as a tear rolled down his face.
"Thank you for everything, Matilda," he whispered. "Do me a favor and sing for me now that I can't. Sing for Hyunjin when you come back in spring."
CHIRP!
"I'm holding you to that promise." He smiled at the bird, her eyes twinkling with a hint of sorrow as she stared back. She seemed reluctant to leave as she ruffled her wings and hopped a bit in place, but a gentle nudge from Seungmin caused her to begin flapping her wings. "See you when spring comes again, Matilda."
CHIRP!
And with a wave from Seungmin and one last flight around him, Matilda soared off into the night sky. Seungmin watched her go before turning around and walking into the house, composing himself out on the porch before stepping in.
"Hyunjin, I'm back," Seungmin announced, popping his head into the bedroom. Hyunjin was laying on his back, playing with the feather, and smiled tiredly when Seungmin entered.
"Hi, sweetheart. You okay?"
"Yeah," Seungmin lied. "You okay?"
"Now that you're here." He chuckled as Seungmin groaned.
"You're such a flirt," he whined as he walked over and took Hyunjin's outstretched hand. Hyunjin merely kissed the back of Seungmin's hand and held it over the feather on his chest.
"I love you," he declared. "More than you will ever know."
"I love you too," Seungmin whispered, kissing his forehead gently before wiping the sweat off his face. "Get some rest, love. You look tired."
"Will you stay with me?" Hyunjin asked. Seungmin smiled.
"Of course, love. Let me just put everything away for the night, huh?"
"Please hurry." Seungmin chuckled as Hyunjin squeezed his hand.
"So impatient. I'll be back soon, love, don't worry." Hyunjin seemed reluctant to let go of his hand, but he did anyway. Seungmin dug through his knapsack and pulled out the wad of money he had earned from sales that day. He went to the jar on the mantle and stuffed it inside before he suddenly stopped.
"No way..."
Energy surged through his tired body as he grabbed the jar off the mantle and plopped in front of the fireplace, using the light to count the money. And he counted again. And once more just to make sure he wasn't being tricked.
"Hyunjin!" Seungmin cried in his scratchy, quiet voice. He stuffed all the money back into the knapsack and ran into the bedroom, slamming into the doorway. "We did it," he said, smiling widely for the first time since Hyunjin got sick. Hyunjin looked over his husband's elated face, the familiar innocent, bubbly sparkle back in his dark eyes. "We got enough money for the medicine."
"Good job, sweetheart," Hyunjin said, his smile having nothing to do with Seungmin's words.
"I'm gonna make a quick dash to the pharmacy, okay?"
"Seungmin."
"Yes, love?"
Hyunjin let out an airy chuckle as he watched Seungmin bounce excitedly in place like a little kid. It'd been a long time since he'd seen this side of his husband, and now that he had...
"I love you," he declared, hand wrapped around the feather. "I love you so much."
"I love you too." Seungmin couldn't resist coming in and kissing Hyunjin's slick forehead, the skin cold against his lips. "I'll be back."
And so he pushed his tired body to run; out the house, down to the village, and burst through the pharmacy doors just minutes before closing. He slammed the money on the counter and begged for the owner to hurry. Only once the medicine was grasped tightly in his trembling hands did he slow down just long enough to bow and give thanks before he was running back home and through the bedroom door. "Hyunjin, I'm—!"
He stopped.
The energy that filled his body just moments before now quickly depleted.
His legs shook and could barely hold him up.
The medicine bottle fell from his hand and shattered on the floor.
It was useless now.
There was too much red covering Hyunjin's chin, dripping onto his chest.
The white feather was stained between his fingers that still clutched it.
And his eyes...
"Jinnie... No..."
Seungmin collapsed beside Hyunjin, dull eyes locked onto the ceiling as a stream of blood trickled down the side of his face and dripped onto the mattress. Sobs shook his weak body as he grasped Hyunjin's hand, cold as the chilling winter winds. It wasn't fair. How was this fair?
He was supposed to save Hyunjin like Hyunjin had saved him. Why couldn't he save him?!
"Hyunjin, don't do this..." Seungmin sobbed. "Please don't do this..."
Hyunjin's body was cold, too cold, in Seungmin's grasp as he held him close, the world spinning around him as he cried. It wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. Fall was leaving, and it took Hyunjin with it.
"It's not fair..." Seungmin ran his fingers through Hyunjin's hair, matted with sweat and oil. "It's not fair... You didn't deserve this... I didn't deserve you..."
He ran his hand over Hyunjin's that was still holding the feather. "You gave me all of you, but I never gave you all of me... I lied to you... And now you'll never know just how much I owed you..."
Numbed to the tiredness seeping throughout his bones, to the tears continuously streaming down his cheeks, to the slowed but painful beating of his heart, Seungmin reached into his sleeve and plucked out the last feather. The same kind feather that hung around Hyunjin's neck since the day they met.
The same kind of feather that fluttered into Hyunjin's hand the day he saved Seungmin's life.
Seungmin collapsed beside his husband, the world becoming blurry and dark. He forced his arm, heavy and shaking, up to drape over Hyunjin's chest, the feather clutched in his hand aligning with the feather clutched in Hyunjin's.
"Thank you for saving me that winter's day, my love."
And the seasons started again.