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TK wakes up naturally, opening his eyes slowly to find shards of light pouring in through the gaps in their curtains. It’s such a rare occurrence, to not be jolted awake by an alarm, that it takes him a minute to make sense of his surroundings.
Not that there’s much to take in. He’s managed to wrap himself around Carlos like a koala, his entire body pressed along his boyfriend’s backside. In his sightline, ridiculously wide shoulders block his view of anything else in the room, the sculpted planes of Carlos’s upper back shifting slightly as he breathes gently. TK leans forward just a bit, enough to press his lips to the soft skin at the base of Carlos’s neck, where his spine juts out just a little. It’s one of his favorite things in the entire world, a secret spot only he gets to know intimately.
After a moment, he realizes that his right arm is wrapped around his boyfriend, shoved under his arm so that his hand can rest against Carlos’s firm chest. He briefly closes his eyes, focusing on the way his hand moves up and down as the chest expands and contracts, his fingers just grazing the nipple near Carlos’s heart. A small smile takes over his face as he takes stock of their positions, noting all of the places where their bodies connect. It almost seems like he’s tried to melt into Carlos during the night, unsurprised that he would seek him out for comfort.
That’s just what Carlos is to him: comfort, solace, his home.
A year ago, that thought would have sent him into a panic so quickly that he would have flung himself away from the man in front of him, possibly even fallen out of the bed from the force of it. A year ago, his fear would have swallowed him entirely, and he would have ran, mindless of the destruction left behind. A year ago, he would’ve felt lost, with no home to safeguard him.
But that was a year ago; today, there is no such fear.
A year ago.
His heart pounds in his chest as he suddenly remembers, with a burst of overwhelming clarity, why neither of them have set an alarm for this morning. With each of them working crazy schedules, there is hardly ever a morning where one of them doesn’t have to be up before the crack of dawn. Early on, when they were still figuring out how to make their relationship work, Carlos would tell him that he didn’t have to stay over the night before his early APD shifts.
“I don’t want my alarm to wake you up on days when you get to sleep in, you need the rest,” he’d said, his adorable eyebrows furrowed with concern. TK had just smiled, wrapping his arms around him and pressing their noses together to steady him.
“Getting to sleep next to you is worth a million alarms, Carlos,” he’d replied, a fiercely protective fire roaring to life in his chest as his boyfriend’s warm, brown eyes began to shine. “Besides, if I’m not here, who will you kiss before heading out the door?”
Carlos had laughed, enthusiastically agreeing with his counterargument, and that was that.
Now, the alarms are just part of their morning routine. When Carlos has to go in early, his alarm wakes TK up for just a moment, and he’ll lay in bed listening to Carlos get ready for work. Then, right before he heads out the door, his boyfriend will come back to the bed, place his hands on either side of TK’s head, and lean down for a parting kiss.
“Be safe,” TK will say when they separate, his eyes still closed in preparation for his quick return to sleep.
“Always,” Carlos will respond, pressing a second kiss to TK’s forehead. “I love you.”
“Love you, too,” TK will mumble, already rolling to grab Carlos’s pillow to clutch to his chest. Sometimes, he’ll feel the drag of his boyfriend’s fingertips along his arm as he rises again from the bed, finally heading off to work.
On mornings where TK is the one to get up early, he’s less composed. For one thing, he likes to ignore his (many) alarms, and it’s usually Carlos who ends up rolling over him to silence his phone on the bedside table. It happens so often that it’s almost a choreographed dance at this point. Carlos will stretch his torso over him, reaching out towards the phone, and TK, who is always basically awake at this point, will take advantage of their positions to wrap his arms around his boyfriend, pulling him down on top of him. Carlos will puff out a breath, the air breezing past TK’s ear, as he adjusts his body so as not to crush TK completely under him.
“You have to get up, babe,” Carlos will say, his voice light as he presses his face into TK’s neck. TK will whine in response, trying to pull him even closer.
“You’re cute when you're half asleep,” Carlos has said on more than one occasion, and TK will open one eye when he feels Carlos pull back to find him staring down at him, the softest expression taking over his face.
“Liar, I’m cute all the time,” TK will sometimes respond, watching how Carlos’s lips pull up into a smile, his eyes crinkling with happiness.
“Of course, you’re right, my mistake,” Carlos will admit, shifting to drag his fingers through TK’s hair in apology. “But you know,” he’ll go on, leaning down again to nearly press their lips together, “you’re the cutest when you’re in uniform, which you should be putting on right now.”
TK will groan, rolling his eyes as he turns away from his boyfriend, feeling how Carlos’s lips, so close to claiming his own, will press against his cheek instead, his amused smile obvious even out of TK’s sight.
Carlos will eventually pull him out of bed and towards the shower, where he’ll run his fingers through TK’s hair, massaging his scalp with shampoo and then conditioner. Some mornings, TK will run his hands down his lover’s chest, watching how the hair there darkens under the stream of warm water, the sight causing a fierce hunger to pool in his stomach. He’ll drop down to his knees, right in front of the man of his dreams, and show him just how much it means to have him by his side every day of his life.
Carlos never does get to go back to sleep when TK works an early shift, but he knows that his boyfriend, a morning person if there ever was one, doesn’t mind it one bit.
TK is pulled from his memories of the past year when the muscular body in front of him shifts. He watches as Carlos turns his head towards him, his eyes still closed, a soft smile on his face as he lets out an audible sigh. The light from the gaps in the curtains shed just enough light on him, and TK feels his breath stutter at the angelic sight of Carlos’s face, his skin golden and glowing.
A whole entire year with this perfect, wonderful man. He can’t quite believe it.
TK leans forward, running his fingers along the delicate, yet strong, features of Carlos’s face, feeling the firmness of his jaw, the solidness of him next to him. Carlos, clearly on his way to consciousness, rolls over so that they are now chest-to-chest, reaching down to adjust the thin sheet covering each of their naked bodies from the waist down. When he’s satisfied, his hand drags up the side of TK’s body, stopping to rest at the dip between his hips and his ribs. TK’s heart pounds loudly, a common reaction to Carlos’s touch, but he makes no move to change the energy between them, allowing his love time to naturally awaken, the way he deserves to on his day off.
The early morning light on Carlos’s cheek reminds TK of a similar moment exactly one year ago today, each of them laying under the odd green and blue lights weaving through the Austin sky.
He remembers that day so vividly, from their Boba date to the flipped bus to Carlos pressing a gentle kiss to his neck in the doorway of the fire station. There’s no way he’ll ever be able to forget it, that moment when every fear that was eating away at him was silenced. That very moment when he was finally certain about the man that he was, the man that he wanted to become, and the man he wanted to join him on that journey.
He remembers their conversation on top of the Camaro, in the middle of nowhere, under the most beautiful, bizarre light show Mother Nature could provide. He remembers telling Carlos that they were a good team, and he remembers Carlos agreeing with him. He remembers unleashing months and months of fears and sorrows and regrets and apologies, the words pouring through him naturally, without any doubts that they should be shared.
He wasn’t scared of rejection, of being left behind or tossed aside. The only thing he was truly scared of was missing out on what was right in front of him.
“This, right here, it’s just you and me now,” Carlos had said, pulling him close and linking their fingers together tightly, refusing to let go. “It’s not Alex, or anything that happened after him. It’s not that misguided dinner, or you getting arrested. It’s not you getting shot, or me scared to death that you wouldn’t wake up. It’s not any of that. It’s just you and me, right here and now, and whatever we decide to make of it moving forward.”
Carlos’s eyelids flutter, his lips twisting as his body finally begins to wake up and TK hears those words in his mind, clear as day. He scoots forward, just enough to touch the tips of their noses together. Carlos’s grip tightens on his hip, but TK can’t be bothered to look away from his beautiful face, watching as his favorite pair of eyes finally make their first appearance of the day, their gaze soft as the pupils adjust to the lighting in the room. TK’s puffs out a breath, the familiar brown irises holding him in their powerful, loving grip.
“Good morning, baby,” he whispers, and even though he can’t see it so close up, Carlos’s responding smile is clear as his whole face shifts to express it, his eyes softening to allow those signature crinkles to form.
TK thinks about the past year; the early mornings, the shower sex, the forehead kisses. He thinks about all of the laughs and tears, the accidents and fights. He thinks about the steady touches and bright smiles, the unwavering presence by his side when he needs it.
He thinks about how, when those alarms pull him from sleep, it truly doesn’t matter, because no dream can hold a candle to the real thing. Nothing will ever come close to the love that they have, the relationship they’ve built together.
Nothing will ever comfort him more than the home that he’s found in Carlos.