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As he looked over at her, it suddenly struck him how beautiful Lauren was. Her hair was blowing carelessly in the wind, rich and scarlet in the sunlight. He had the oddest impulse to touch it, to reach out, to see if it was soft as looked. Her lips were curved into a slight smile that seemed to radiate warmth. Kieran wondered who or what she was thinking of, and felt his heartbeat skip when he imagined her smiling for him. She looked happy and free and every part of her being seem to be a mystery just waiting to be discovered. He found it crazy that he had never really noticed before how her eyes were just the perfect shade of gold, so luminous in the light. Or how Lauren's laughter sounded like summertime. They have know each other for quite some time now and yet Kieran never really looked at her. Kieran found himself staring desperate to learn more about the officer next to him.
"What are you looking at?" Lauren asked, finally pulling him out of his daze. He was at a lost of words. Why did she suddenly make him nervous? They've known each other for a long time. He shouldn't feel nervous. "Um...You. You have a bug in your hair." He lied. Kieran reached out, but stopped himself. Can he do that? No. Because there was no bug in her hair and because Lauren knew he was lying. She raised her eyebrow at him, which made Kieran's heart speed up. "What is it?" she asked again. Did he dare tell her that she was beautiful? No, that would make things akward. He didn't know what to do. To Lauren's eyes he must've looked like a fool, just there not knowing what to say. No point on saying nothing, she'll know its a lie. But half of him wanted to tell her how beautiful she was and how he would want her to be his forever. But the other half says no, because he's a monster that doesn't deserve anything good. He knew she wouldn't return the same gesture to him, why would she. He decided that maybe this feeling would pass, that maybe tomorrow will be different, that Lauren won't make him hard to breathe. Maybe this epiphany was temporary; maybe he would forget. "Well, I just wanted to say that your eyes are very luminous in the sunlight." Kieran said calmly. That part wasn't technically a lie, her eyes looked like they were always glowing every time they were in the light. Lauren looked at him confused and smiled accepting his compliment.
As months went on, Kieran did not forget. Instead he found himself thinking of her late into the night, hoping there was a chance Lauren might fall asleep thinking of him. Kieran found himself making lists in his head of what made her laugh, so he can hear it more and more. He also found himself unable to look away even if Lauren was carelessly looking through some files during their time in the cave; sometimes especially then. He could not erase the beauty from his mind. The moment he'd looked at her from that perspective, he could not go back. After seeing her as beautiful, Kieran could never again just look at Lauren with indifference.
He thought why am I falling for you?