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Anakin inhaled. And then exhaled again. He crossed his arms over his chest, his hands curled into fists as he tried to block out the noise from everything around him. And everything inside his head.
It wasn’t really working.
He took another shaky breath in, the anxiety pooling in his gut as he replayed the last battle over and over in his head. The screaming, the explosions, the flashing lights. He could see them even when he closed his eyes.
He opened them. He was standing in the common room of his apartment that he shared with Ahsoka and Obi-Wan. And he was alone now. But his heart beats were loud as the battalions marching to war, and the lights streaming in from the mid-afternoon windows were too bright.
He took another breath in, bringing one hand up over his face, covering his eyes. He exhaled, gripping his hair in his hands, trying to ground himself. But when he closed his eyes, he could hear, he could feel everything. The thousands of force signatures in the temple. The emotions of those he shared a bond with. His shields were up as tight as they could go.
But he still felt it all anyway. And he wanted it to stop.
The door to the apartment opened behind him, and Anakin jumped and turned around, doing his best to ignore the feelings of anger and anxiety that appeared when he heard anything. He sighed and slumped his shoulders.
“Ahsoka.” Anakin said, not sure if he should be relieved or annoyed. She stopped moving and looked at him closer.
“Are you alright, Skyguy?” She asked while frowning.
“Yeah… yeah, I’m alright.” Anakin replied while turning to face the floor, wrapping his arms around himself.
“Are you sure? Because you really don’t look alright.” Ahsoka responded while crossing her arms over her chest. Anakin rolled his eyes.
“It’s nothing serious, Ahsoka.” He snapped. She took a step back, started at his sudden change of tone. Anakin looked at her and sighed again.
“It’s nothing.” He repeated, softer this time. “I’ll be in my quarters if you need me.” He said before quickly walking away. Clenching his jaw and his fists to try and regain control over his senses.
Once the door slid shut behind him, Anakin covered his mouth with his hand, fighting back the urge to sob. Alone in his room, he closed the blinds, blocking out all the light, and sat on his bed, his head in his hands. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to distract from the throbbing that they were doing, but it didn’t matter. He knew that he had painkillers somewhere… but every time he took them that just made him groggy. He slid hid hands down his face and sighed again, trying to control his breathing. Trying to control the anger, the anxiety at everything.
He bit his lip. On the one hand, he wanted to scream into his pillow, but on the other, he wanted to curl up underneath the covers on his bed and not emerge until this was all over and he could think clearly again. Instead, he opted to rummage through his desk, looking for the painkillers that he knew he owned. He didn’t want anyone to worry about him, know that he was in such pain. So, he was going to solve the problem himself, and pretend like everything was fine.
He swallowed the pills dry- not wanting to go back out into the rest of the apartment where the lights were too bright, and it was too loud and Ahsoka was surely going to question him. Never mind if she told Obi-Wan that something was wrong. Then they would both question him. He felt a flare of annoyance at the thought of having to sit through both of them try and get through to him, even if they meant well. He didn’t want to talk. He just wanted this feeling to go away. So he climbed under the covers and curled in on himself, feeling very much like the nine year old boy that he was when he was first brought to the temple, and not a recently promoted jedi knight and general in the grand army of the republic.
The weight of the blanket was comforting, and here, alone in his room, there wasn’t anyone around who could bother him. Ask him questions, demand answers. There wasn’t any noise to distract him, no overwhelming force presence of the thousands of men that died under his command.
He tried not to think about it, and closed his eyes instead, sighing as he felt the painkillers kick in.
“He’s still asleep.” Obi-Wan said as he left Anakin’s quarters and the door shut behind him.
“What exactly was wrong with him?”
“Well, he was acting weirder than usual, and he looked really, really pale.” Ahsoka said quickly.
“Weirder… how?” Obi-Wan pressed. Ahsoka shrugged and bit her lip.
“I dunno. He was just... off.” She sighed and looked past Obi-Wan, at the door to Anakin’s quarters.
“Maybe he wasn’t feeling well, and needed to rest?” She tentatively suggested. Obi-Wan stroked his beard.
“Maybe. Force knows he doesn’t get enough as is.” Obi-Wan muttered. He sighed.
“We should probably leave him alone. Come, Ahsoka.” Obi-Wan said as he walked back towards the kitchen. Ahsoka took one last look at the closed door, and then turned to follow Obi-Wan.
She sighed and looked at the clock. While hanging out with Obi-Wan was nice, she was worried about Anakin. He had disappeared into his quarters almost 6 hours ago, and the sun had now set on Coruscant. She drummed her fingers on the table and watched as Obi-Wan made tea.
“Ahsoka, could you please go check on Anakin again?” He asked her as he got three cups ready.
“Sure.” She said while standing up from the table. She walked back down the hallway and brought her hand up to knock on the door. But right as she was about to knock, she heard more footsteps behind her, and turned around to see Obi-Wan walking towards her, carrying three mugs of tea.
“Uh… what’s that for?” She asked.
“I thought it would be nice if we could all enjoy our tea together. Here.” He replied, handing her a cup. Obi-Wan didn’t even bother knocking, but instead waved the door opened and walked into the room.
The first thing that Ahsoka noticed was how dark it was. There was a little bit of light leaking in through the blinds, but other than that there was no light. But it was enough light so that she could see the lump on the bed.
A very Anakin shaped lump. She looked up at Obi-Wan and then back down at the bed.
“Anakin?” Obi-Wan called out gently, sitting on the bed. There was a moment of silence before Anakin turned slowly to face the two of them, his eyes half open.
“Good morning, Skyguy.” Ahsoka whispered while trying not to giggle as she sat on his bed as well.
“What?” Anakin mumbled. “What time is it?” He asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
“It’s almost 2100.” Obi-Wan responded. “Here.” He said, passing a cup to Anakin, who took it. Ahsoka looked around, wondering why they hadn’t turned on the lights, or why they were speaking in such hushed voices, but she figured it was because Anakin had just woken up.
“Have a good nap?” Ahsoka asked. Anakin shrugged, and took a sip of his tea.
“It looks like you needed it.” Obi-Wan said, noticing the dark circles under Anakin’s eyes. He shrugged again.
“And it also looks like you could sleep for another six hours.” Obi-Wan continued.
“I slept for six hours?” Anakin asked, looking at Obi-Wan incredulously. Ahsoka shrugged.
“We didn’t want to wake you up.” Anakin sighed and tucked a lock of hair behind his ear. Ahsoka adjusted herself on the bed so that she now sat next to Anakin.
“Are your shoes on my bed, Ahsoka?”
“… no…” She responded sheepishly, quickly removing her shoes and tossing them on the floor. And Obi-Wan laughed.