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Alec had been gone for two months, and Magnus was suffering through withdrawal.
“Pathetic.” Catarina scoffed when she found him, regarding him with fond exasperation.
“Why don’t you get up and do something?” She asked.
Magnus scowled at the ceiling in response, angry at Catarina for interrupting his sulking. The playlist Alec and him had made last spring, one of many of their creations, circulated through the room. He was sprawled across his bed, in the middle of what had quickly become his only pastime this summer: Missing Alec.
All of his hobbies were Alec’s as well, so Catarina’s suggestion to ‘go do something’ would only serve to remind him of Alec, making him even more miserable.
If that was possible.
Catarina huffed and threw herself onto the bed next to him.
“This track is good.” She said, tapping her fingers on her knee in time to the music.
“Yeah. It’s one of Alec’s favorites.” I said.
At the mention of his name, Catarina rolled her eyes, “He’ll be back in a week.”
“After two months.”
Two months that Alec’s parents had been encouraged by the devil himself -Magnus knew no one else could be this cruel- to send Alec away to a music camp in Sacramento. A music camp that didn’t allow any type of communication with the outside world, as well, in order to keep everyone ‘focused on their talent’ or some bullshit that Magnus had been too busy pouting to listen to.
“If you knew you would be this miserable without him, you should have not failed and been made to do summer remedial classes.” Catarina lectured.
Magnus rolled his eyes and clamored off the bed to get the remote for the sound system, muting it.
Catarina studied him, and her face softened, “So… are you telling him when he gets back?”
Magnus paused for a brief second, and then moved again, pretending to be oblivious as he flitted around the room rummaging random things, “Telling him what?”
“That you’re in love with him.” Catarina said.
99 out of 100 times Magnus loved Catarina. The other time, which would be when she chose to say things like that, he wanted to kill her.
So he didn’t answer, and instead chose to pick another playlist from the list on his phone, and turned the volume up to its highest, drowning out Catarina’s voice as she carried on about how everything would be so much easier if Magnus just told Alec the truth about his feelings for him.
Which… he supposed it could be. Alec was his best friend. If anyone would react well to that news it would be him. But- No. No. Magnus shook his head. He wasn’t even allowing himself to entertain that thought.
And Catarina didn’t understand. He told her as much.
“What don’t I understand?” She asked, rolling her eyes, “You’re just making excuses now. Magnus.”
“I am not.” Magnus said, “And it doesn’t matter anyway. He has a girlfriend.”
Alec and Lydia had been dating now for a total of 8 months and three days. Lydia was also at music camp with Alec, and it haunted Magnus, the thought of the two of them alone together, locked away from the rest of society, sharing music of all things- which, up until Lydia announced that she would be going to Sacramento as well, had been something shared strictly between Alec and him.
Catarina chimed in again, “You know Alec wouldn’t care.”
“No.”
“He wouldn’t.”
“Catarina.”
“Magnus-”
“Stop it.”
He had been hopelessly crushing on Alec for years now, and Catarina had found him out at the end of last semester, when she noticed him drilling holes into the back of Lydia Branwell’s head with his eyes as she and Alec sat together, heads bent close as they talked in muted voices.
“Alec wouldn’t care.” Catarina insisted, meeting his eyes.
For a second, one quick second, he allowed himself to imagine that she might be right. Alec, his amazing best friend, was the first person he had came out to. He was met with nothing but support from him. Alec was fine with Magnus being bisexual.
But… telling Alec that he had a crush on him...
That was different. That would change things.
“I can’t.” He sighed, defeated.
“You mean, you won’t.” Catarina corrected, “Magnus…”
“Drop it, Catarina.” He pleaded, “Alec doesn’t feel the same-”
“How would you know?”
“He has a girlfriend, for one.” Magnus snapped.
“You’ve had girlfriends.” Catarina pointed out.
Magnus glared at her, and Catarina threw her hands up in defeat.
“Fine. Fine. But just so you know, I still don’t think Alec would even care.”
“I’d rather not ruin our friendship over something this stupid.” Magnus said.
He would be taking his crush on Alec to his grave.
And if Catarina knew what was good for her, she would as well.
Magnus had known Catarina for enough years that he blamed no one but himself for being foolish enough to think she would adhere to his rules about not mentioning his crush on Alec, especially around Alec.
He returned on Sunday, and Magnus saw him on Monday, the first day of the new semester, strolling through the front gates of Idris Academy.
And God… He was gorgeous. Every bit of him was perfect. Alec had skipped right past the awkward puberty phase and gone right ahead into GQ male model.
He saw Magnus and Catarina and grinned, waving. Magnus, who had barely been constraining himself since Alec had texted him the night before to let him know he was back, ran over to him. He pulled him into a tight embrace for 1...2...3 seconds, and then let go reluctantly.
“Hey.” Alec said, “God, I never thought I’d be so happy to be at school. I missed you.”
“Yeah, Magnus missed you to.” Catarina interjected, strolling up to them with her hands in her pockets and a mischievous grin plastered across her face, “He was absolutely hopeless without you. Never even left his room.”
“How was camp?” Magnus asked Alec instead of voicing any of the numerous things he wanted to say to Catarina.
Alec’s face lit up, “Great. I learned so much. I can’t wait to tell you all about it, Magnus. You have to come next year. I’ll tutor you. I will not survive another two months without you.”
Magnus hated the way he preened at Alec’s sharing a similar sentiment to being without him for two entire months. Catarina looked between the two of them with a sigh, and heeding the way Magnus warned her off with a nasty look, raised her hand in defeat and said nothing.
Alec talked all day about camp, and Magnus listened with keen interest as he went off into the most animated descriptions of everything they’d done. If Magnus loved music, then Alec lived for it. He could spend hours discussing it, and Magnus was only too happy to be the one who got to listen to him talk. When the school day ended, after Alec had narrated the highlights of his summer and Catarina had bid them good-bye to head to cheer practice, Alec took Magnus’ hand and pulled him in the direction of the music room. This room had become somewhat of their 'spot'. Magnus had many fond memories of this place.
"There's actually something that I needed to tell you." Alec said, looking around to make sure the room was otherwise unoccupied before they made their way into it and closed the door behind them.
Magnus sat when Alec motioned for him to do so, and watched as Alec came to sit next to him. Magnus was starting to get nervous, but he held his tongue and waited for Alec to speak.
“Lydia and I broke up.” Alec said.
Magnus froze.
And Alec’s words hung in the air between them. Alec watched him, but Magnus’ brain had short circuited.
“Magnus?” He asked tentatively.
Magnus snapped himself out of it, glancing up and plastering on a sympathetic frown on his face through the celebration going on inside of him.
He was a terrible person. But he couldn’t bring himself to care at that moment.
“What happened?” He asked, “I thought you two were going well?”
Alec shrugged, “We just weren’t the right match for each other.”
Magnus had a million questions, and he didn’t know where to begin, but he noticed that Alec was avoiding looking directly at him, instead focusing on tugging at the band around his wrist.
“Hey.” Magnus said softly, “What is it?”
Alec bit his lip, his tell-tale sign that he was nervous, and Magnus’ concern grew stronger. He reached over to grip Alec’s hand in his, entwining their fingers together. Alec stared at it, resting in the space between them, and then raised his eyes to meet Magnus’.
“Can I ask you something?” Alec asked, “And you won’t be upset?”
Magnus hesitated, “…Why would I be upset?”
Alec didn’t respond, however. Simply looked at him expectantly until Magnus sighed and nodded.
“You get jealous when I talk about Lydia.” Alec said.
Magnus’ heart skipped a beat and he shook his head rapidly, “I... what do you-”
“Seriously, Magnus.” Alec huffed out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. He glanced down at where their hands were linked and then back up, his cheeks starting to turn slightly red even as he pressed on, “You think I don’t see the way you look at me?”
“I…” could not breathe.
Words failed Magnus, and his brain felt as though it was on fire. Because Alec was here, and he… he knew. Alec knew.
Magnus tried to rip his hand away from Alec’s and Alec only held on tighter.
“Magnus, if you turn any redder you’ll burn up.” Alec tapped his shoulder lightly and tried to smile, though it fell flat.
Magnus shook his head, “You-”
Alec knew.
“I’m so sorry.” Magnus said. He hung his head, wanting desperately to pull away from where Alec was still touching him. It felt like it burned, in light of this recent discovery.
“About what? Magnus, what are you talking about?” Alec asked.
“I didn’t want you to know. You- You’re you and I- I didn’t want to ruin our friendship or anything and now I have and you-”
“Magnus, you’re rambling.” Alec cut him off, “We’re still friends. Best friends, right. You can tell me anything. I thought you knew that.”
“Not things like this!”
Alec frowned, “Why not?”
And Magnus lost it.
“Because I’m in love with you Alec!” He exclaimed, laughing for how fucking stupid he’d been, “I’ve been in love with you for years! And I don’t want to be your friend or your best friend. I want to be more! And you don’t… You don’t feel the same.”
He was met with silence, and he blinked away the furious tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes.
“Just… say something.” Magnus begged. God, he’d just ruined the best fucking thing in his life and for what?
Alec was studying him skeptically, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips quirked in that way he did when he was extremely focused.
And then, before Magnus could try to take his hand away again, Alec leaned in, closing the space between them, and pressed their lips together.
It took Magnus’ brain several long moments to catch up to what was happening. Alec’s mouth moved against his, while Magnus sat there frozen, until finally he started to kiss back. If this was a dream, which he was now sure it was, then he would enjoy it while it lasted.
Alec Lightwood was kissing him.
Magnus had lost countless hours imagining what this would feel like. But the reality of it is so much better than anything he could have ever conjured in his head. He feels lightheaded, and Alec’s lips are soft and sweet against his own, stealing any attempt Magnus could have even tried to make towards rationalizing what it currently happening.
When Alec pulls away, he’s staring into Magnus’ eyes with an adoration that almost makes Magnus burst into tears.
“Was that clear enough for you?” Alec asked, “Or do you need a repeat demonstration?”
Magnus blinks, and shakes his head in denial, “I don’t understand.”
Alec laughs, “Magnus.”
“You’re… You’re straight-”
Alec’s laugh grows louder, “You may want to speak to Lydia about that. I’m sure she’d disagree.”
“You’re not making any sense.” Magnus tells him.
Alec sighs, smiling patiently. He reaches out to cup Magnus’ face in his hands and then presses another, quick kiss to his lips.
“Magnus Bane.” He says seriously, “I, Alec Lightwood, am gay.”
You’re dreaming, Magnus tells himself.
“And no, you aren’t dreaming.” Alec says. Magnus scowls at him.
“Lydia figured me out over camp.” Alec says, “She was… surprisingly good about the whole thing. And, of course she’d figured out herself that I was actually in love with you. I was miserable being away from you. She said that just confirmed her suspicions. She… helped me figure out a lot of stuff, actually.”
Magnus’ brain was working overtime trying to keep up with all this new information. He felt like his entire world had just been uprooted from right under his feet. Did Alec expect him to respond to any of this?
“And, just so we’re both extremely on the same page.” Alec said, “I want more with you, too, Magnus.”
“I… I don’t know what to say.” Magnus admitted.
“We can figure out the rest of it another time.” Alec said, waving a hand, “For now… I quite liked kissing you. And I waited a really long time to be able to do that. So if you have no objections…. Maybe we could-”
Magnus didn’t let him finish. He threw himself against Alec, tangling his fingers in his hair and pulling him back into another kiss. They laughed against the suddenness of it, but quickly found a rhythm. Alec was right, Magnus decided. The rest of it could wait. He for sure needed at least until the end of the day to process. For now, he was more than okay doing just this.